Original subtitles

[Static crackles]

♪♪

-You know what really burns my bacon?

It's when people don't use the word "y'all"

in a grammatically correct way.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this.

I think it's because of all those

hick accents in the first movie tonight.

They're not speaking any kind of real accent.

It's not even a Jersey accent,

even though the movie is set in New Jersey.

They're doing the "I'll talk this way

so people know I'm stupid" accent.

And that includes the word "y'all,"

but they don't know what the word "y'all" means.

Like, I have a Southern accent.

Actually, I have an East Texas accent,

which is different from a West Texas accent

or a South Texas accent or a Houston accent.

I was actually born in Dallas,

but as far as I know, there's no such thing

as a Dallas accent.

Dallas is in East Texas,

so it's a mix of all of the above, really.

So, anyway, a few years back I was in this movie

where I was supposed to play a real-life DJ from the '50,

and this particular guy -- Dewey Phillips was his name --

was pretty famous around Memphis

and the Mississippi Delta area of Tennessee, Arkansas,

and that part of the Mississippi River

down around Yazoo City.

So nobody could understand why I needed to practice the accent.

Including the director of the movie.

He was very happy for me to just use my East Texas accent

for a guy who was not from East Texas.

So there's no twang in a Mississippi Delta accent.

It's less nasal, it's a little bit more musical

than East Texas.

And you would think somebody making a major motion picture

would want the real deal, right?

So -- man alive, I'm forgetting what

we came here to do.

The movie tonight is "House by the Cemetery."

Eli Roth is back for a second visit

because he's a huge fan of director Lucio Fulci,

and so we're going deep, deep, deep into Eye-talian horror

with the help of Darcy the Mail Girl,

who is here to field your tweets, your emails,

your incoherent phone calls,

and anything else you wanna send our way.

-Darcy, why don't you have a Charleston accent?

-I don't know, y'all.

-See, you used it wrong.

You just used "y'all" wrong.

You've been in LA too long. You've abandoned your roots.

-[Exaggerated accent] My roots?

It comes out when I'm angry.

-Oh, I have noticed that.

I like your -- you're now a mail girl slash camp counselor.

Aww.

-Emphasis on "slash."

-But anyway, I got cast in this movie

and so what I did finally is I went to Sam Chwat.

Sam Chwat was this New York City accent expert.

He could actually do the accents of any place in America.

He could, like, start on the East Coast

and go clear out to the West Coast

and tell you what the accent is every 200 miles.

And then he had these file cards

with all kinds of fancy diacritical marks on 'em,

and you would go in to his office and Sam would teach you

all the vowel sounds you need and all the consonants

that were different from normal,

and you would talk this way for about two hours

and it would be recorded so you could play it back later.

And then he said that if you talked that way in public 24/7

for about two weeks, you would nail the accent

and you could do the role perfectly.

This alwaysworked.

Of course, most actors didn't care about it.

They just did the "I'm stupid, so I'll talk like this" accent.

You know -- [Exaggerated hick accent]

"I'm stupid, so I'll talk like this," you know?

It was only guys like Robert Duvall who cared --

Robert Duvall has the most convincing East Texas accent

for a guy who's not from East Texas

that I've ever heard.

He actually grew up in Annapolis, Maryland,

and spent most of his life in New York City,

but he can nail any Southern accent.

But the reason actors don't care

is that the movie industry doesn't care.

They'll put a Texas accent in movies about Georgia.

They'll put a Mississippi accent in movies about the Carolinas.

And usually, when they set something in Florida,

they don't even use a Southern accent at all,

even though everything in the state outside of Miami

is Southern to the core.

A true Florida accent is very distinctive.

But the thing that makes me wince

more than any other thing

is when people are trying to be friendly to a Southerner

and so they'' start using "y'all" all the time.

So listen up, people,

I'm gonna explain this one time and one time only.

"Y'all" is a second-person plural pronoun.

It means "you all."

It means "all of you."

It means more than one person.

A Southerner would never walk up to one person

and say, "How y'all doing?"

There would have to be at least twopeople there.

So when a non-Southerner says to a Southerner,

"How are y'all?" it sounds really stupid.

Hethinks that he's using a cute, little synonym

for the word "you."

Hell, no.

He just doesn't know there's such a thing

as a second-person plural.

Southern speech has a second-person plural.

Northern and Western speech do not.

In the North, you say "you," no matter whether

you're talking about one person or two people or 100 people.

I might make an exception for Brooklyn.

There used to be the expression in Brooklyn -- "youse guys."

That was the second-person plural.

I don't hear that in Brooklyn anymore, but I think that's only

because the people in Brooklyn aren't from Brooklyn.

Anyway, Southern speech has more words in it.

It's more specific. It's different.

We like it that way, so

if you don't know how to use it, then don't use it.

Or, as we say in East Texas --

"Y'all!

Stop it!"

Okay.

When I first saw this movie in about 1984 at the drive-in,

I knew it was from Europe, because I had learned

how to spot the fake names,

but I didn't really know wherein Europe.

The director was using the name Lewis Fuller,

but of course we now know it was made by Lucio Fulci.

I've asked various people, "Why did the Italian directors of

the '70s and '80s constantly revise the credits

to take out the Italian names

and make sure all the signs were in English

and shoot exteriors to make us think the story

took place in the United States?"

This story, by the way, is set in a fictional town

called New Whitby, Massachusetts,

which is actually Concord, Massachusetts,

and the spooky house is in Scituate, Massachusetts,

and our special guest Eli Roth grew up

in Newton, Massachusetts,

which is halfway between Concord and Scituate.

So, who knows, maybe that has something to do with

why he idolizes the film.

But of course, they didn't really film it in Massachusetts,

they shot it at De Paolis Studios in Rome,

which we've talked about many times on this show.

Cinecitta was the realRome studio,

that's the MGM of Italy,

and De Paolis was the place where they made cheapies.

It was destroyed in a World War II air raid

but they kept filming, they never closed.

Talk about your devoted B-movie guys.

Anyway, I've asked this question repeatedly --

why were you guys so intent on disguising your identities

and disguising the fact that the films were Italian?

And the answer seems to be that they just didn't think

anything that came out of Italy

could be commercial with American audiences,

and they craved those American audiences.

Even though it's the nation of Fellini, Bertolucci,

Vittorio de Sica, Antonioni, Rossellini,

Zeffirelli, Sergio Leone, Mario Bava,

Lina Wertmuller, the Taviani brothers.

I mean, didn't we Americans go to all of their films?

Not to mention all the Italian-American directors --

Scorsese,Coppola, Frank Capra, Abel Ferrara,

Sylvester Stallone, Brian de Palma,

Vincente Minnelli, Joe Barbera of Hanna-Barbera,

Robert Zemeckis.

I mean, it's really hard to make the argument

that Americans don't like Italy, Italians,

or Italian films or Italian filmmakers.

Nevertheless, that was the belief

when "House by the Cemetery" came out,

and so they scrubbed all the Italian names,

tried to make you believe everyone was speaking English

even when the dubbing is atrocious,

and you get this quirky quality to the films

made by Italians but distributed in the United States

during the '70s and the '80s.

Okay, now, listen to me, people.

They're not as good as the American films

that were being made at the same time.

There. I said it.

I'm gonna get attacked from 974 different directions

tonight, tomorrow, and into the distant future,

because there's this thing among horror fans,

Italian horror is sacred.

They're not as good, people.

They're fun. They're interesting,

They sometimes make sense.

Not tonight they don't, but sometimes they do.

And one reason I'm really glad to have Eli Roth

here with me tonight is that

he's a true Italian horror aficionado.

He loves those movies.

He loves Lucio Fulci, so he's gonna explain it to me.

In the meantime,

I'll just set up "House by the Cemetery"

by saying that Fulci kicks off this movie

by having a girl get a knife plunged through

the back of her head, emerging out of her mouth,

and after that, it gets grisly.

Our typical American family --

which is, in fact, one British actor and two Italian actors --

move to the new England house where some guy apparently

killed his girlfriend and then committed suicide,

and pretty soon, their little, cherubic, blond son

starts seeing visions of a spooky Sissy Spacek kinda girl

who tells him, "Don't go in the house,"

making her point by cutting the heads off all her dolls

and making blood pour out of their bodies.

Daddy gets attacked by a huge, blood-sucking, slime-spewing bat

in the cellar,

Mom finds a grave under the floor while cleaning

and asks the question,

"Do we have to live with a tomb in our hallway?"

And Dad says, "Yes, of course we do."

It's a Lucio Fulci movie.

All the homes in New England have indoor tombs.

I won't go into any more of the so-called plot,

because we're gonna deep-dive it when Eli gets out here,

so I'll just do the Drive-In Totals

and we'll get rolling.

We have -- 9 dead bodies.

1 dead bat.

2 breasts.

12 gallons blood.

An 83 on the Vomit Meter.

1 throat-cutting, slow motion, ear-to-ear, 3 times.

Slow-mo crowbar body impalement.

Fire poker to the kidney, stomach, and carotid artery.

One self-decapitating, bloody mannequin.

Bloody operating table, with body parts.

Disembodied, glowing eyes.

One-legged doll fondling.

Throat-ripping.

Multiple crying children.

Extended rabid bat attack, with sharp-scissor surgery.

2 heads roll.

Hand rolls.

Underground meat locker.

Maggots in the throat.

Slime glopola, lizard-face, genetic DNA creature attack.

Gratuitous Lucio Fulci in an acting role.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for --

Silvia Collatina as the spooky psychic girl.

Dagmar Lassander

as the Realtor who keeps backing over tombstones in her Jeep.

Catriona MacColl as the pill-popping, neurotic wife

who fails to understand why she has to

live in a dilapidated house full of murder memories.

Ania Pieroni as the catatonic babysitter.

Paolo Malco as Norman,

the clueless researcher who flirts with the babysitter

and destroys evidence.

Three stars.

Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

Darcy, I'll ask you first --

Do you understand the plot of "House by the Cemetery"?

-I don't think anyone does.

-But you like it? -I love it.

Eli will understand the plot, see,

because that's why Eli's here.

-Yay, so excited for that.

-They call this the culmination

of the Lucio Fulci "Gates of Hell" trilogy.

-Yes, they do.

-Even though the other two movies

have nothing to do with this one

and I don't think there are any gates of Hell.

-No, there are not.

-And you love it? -I love it.

-Are we speaking the same language?

-I'll explain it to you later.

-Ah, I'm sure you will.

[Laughing]

[Static buzzes]

[Animal howling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Steve?

Steve, are you dressed?

Hey, come on. It's late. I gotta get home.

I don't want to be put on restriction again.

Steve?

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking continues]

♪♪

[Squeaking]

♪♪

Steve?

Are you there?

Listen, if you're trying to scare me,

I don't think it's very funny!

This place gives me the creeps.

Steve, I warn you. I'll never come here with you again!

Steve, come on. Where are you?

[Squeaking continues]

Hey, if you don't quit it,

I swear I'm gonna split without you!

Steve!

Steven, where are you? Please answer me.

[Squeaking continues]

Steve!

[Footsteps]

♪♪

[Door creaking]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking stops]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Bob? Bob?

Bob, where are you?

Bob?

[Sighs]

Honey, you still have to pack away your toys.

Now, which ones you gonna take with you?

Bob, I'm talking to you.

Bob!

Bob, will you please wake up?

When Daddy gets home, we g--

-Mommy?

-What's the matter?

-Mommy, why does that girl keep telling me

I shouldn't go there?

♪♪

♪♪

-What girl, Bob?

-The one standing at the window in that house.

♪♪

-At the window, huh?

[Airplane passing overhead]

-[Sighs]

Look, we don't have time to play games now, honey.

Daddy will be home any minute.

Now where's the --

-Yeah, I guess she had something to do.

-Let's just say you never saw her in the first place, right?

-Yes, I did. I saw her face.

She was waving, and I could read her mouth.

-And did she say anything to you?

-Yep.

She said that I shouldn't go over there.

Why did she say that, Mommy?

-Well, I don't know, Bobby.

Maybe because she didn't want you

to have to pack away your toys the way you were supposed to.

-[Laughs] -Come on, lazy bones.

Get the lead out. [Siren wailing in distance]

-I wasn't tricking you, Mommy. Honest.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

-Mae.

♪♪

Mae.

Time to go, Mae.

Time to go home.

♪♪

-No. I can't go now.

It's important.

I can't.

[Siren wailing in distance]

-I'm leaving tomorrow.

Lucy still hasn't made up her mind.

-You have a lot of guts picking up the reins

of someone else's research

at its most critical point like this.

-[Chuckles] Especially when that someone else

was a scientist of Eric Petersen's caliber.

-Well, I'll tell you, Boyle.

You're the only man who can keep this project

from going down the drain.

I mean, apart from the $5,000 more

you're going to be earning a year,

you were Petersen's protégé,

and also, I believe, one of his best friends.

And I know you're itching to clear up his suicide.

Tough one to explain,

but I know you'll get to the bottom of it.

-Well, I'll try.

-The important thing is,

when this huge project gets published,

it'll have just your name on it.

Think what authorship can mean.

-Yeah. Publish...or Podunk.

-[Chuckles] Yeah.

Why do you think Eric would have done in Sheila like that?

-Well, I don't know. No idea.

-Apprehensions?

-Yeah.

It's scary.

He organized the project, got it under way.

-That he did.

-And then, for no reason, abandoned everything.

Slaughtered his mistress and...

-And there he was, researching suicide.

[Sighs] The times we have to live in.

Taxi!

Well, Boyle, when school is over,

I'll drive up there and see you.

New Whitby. I adore New England.

-I'll be looking forward to it, sir.

Bye-bye.

-[Imitating engine]

-Norman! Why my plants?

Penny's gonna water them!

-They're pretty.

-Oh, for God's sake, New England's full of plants.

-[Imitating engine continues] -Be careful. Give it to me.

-I don't trust Penny. -I'll take it.

-What do you think? Everything here?

-I think everything's here,

but I really don't know how we're gonna fit it all in.

-Think positive.

-By the way, have you been to see Mrs. Petersen?

-Nah. No need to.

All his reference material is right there in the library.

-Well, after all, he was a colleague of yours.

-Let's just say we worked in the same field.

-But, darling, you could have at least

gone to pay your condolences.

-What do you say to a widow whose husband had another woman,

and one fine day slaughtered that other woman,

after which he hanged himself?

♪♪

[Car doors close]

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-Then after Mommy changed her mind for the 10th time,

the place was already rented.

-My fault, huh?

-So where we gonna live?

-In an even nicer place, thanks to Professor Muller.

Otherwise, you'd sleep in a tent.

-I wish!

[Siren wailing in distance]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Train horn blowing]

[Bell dinging]

♪♪

-Ahh! Welcome to New Whitby. -Tired?

-[Chuckles] A little nervous.

-Come on, you're gonna love it.

Smell that country air.

♪♪

[Wind whistling]

[Knife slashes]

[Bones cracking]

♪♪

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering]

-No. No! Don't do it.

♪♪

-There's the agency.

-Stay right where you are, Bob. We'll be back in a minute, okay?

-Will you get me some candy?

-After dinner, if you're a good boy.

[Motor whirring]

-[Imitating engine]

-Oh, I'm so late. I'm sorry.

Mr. and Mrs. Boyle? -Yes.

-How do you do? -Hi.

-I'm Laura Gittleson. -Nice to meet you.

-Okay, well, you can already start

to fill this out and sign it.

Sit down, please.

I'm gonna get the keys for you, okay?

I don't know exactly where I put them, but I...

Ah, yes.

Anyway, you can move in as soon as you want.

We haven't had much time to clean it up.

I'm sure you two will find it very comfortable.

Your predecessor was neat as a pin.

They did tell you it was the same house, didn't they?

In any case, poor Dr. Petersen

had been there such a short while.

-Uh, that's on one month's rent.

-[Chuckles] Of course you've been there before,

haven't you, Dr. Boyle?

-No.

-Get the keys, Harold, would you, please?

-What keys?

Ahh. The Freudstein keys.

-Oak Mansion, Harold.

-Yeah, sure, okay. Oak Mansion.

Yeah. Excuse me, John.

I didn't mean to keep you waiting there.

-Well, how do you find our little village?

It's not exactly New York,

but I'm sure you'll grow to like it.

-I hope so.

[Wind whistling]

[Motor whirring]

-Bob?

Bob?

I'm here.

Behind you.

On the other side of the street.

-Hello. -Hello.

My name is Mae.

I've been expecting you.

-My name is Bob.

My daddy's here to do some research.

-Yeah, I know.

However, I thought I told you very clearly not to come.

-I did my best, only Mommy wouldn't listen to me.

Parents never listen. They always do what they want.

-You shouldn't have come, Bob.

[Bell dings]

-So, now, you two just follow me.

-Okay. -That's my car there.

-Where's --

-Hmm?

-[Sighs]

-Mrs. Gittleson, hold on a second.

Go.

-Bob! -Mommy! Mommy!

I saw the girl from the old house.

-Why did you get out of the car?

-See the doll she gave me to play with?

-Everything all right?

-She wanted to talk. She lives here, too.

-I told you to stay there, not to move.

-But she called to me!

-What else? Oh.

They promise to come by Friday

at the latest to hook the phone up.

I guess that about does it.

-Thank you very much. -Not at all. My pleasure.

Well, I hope you enjoy your stay and your research, Mr. Boyle.

-Thank you. I hope so, too.

-And don't worry.

As soon as I get back to town, I'll find you that babysitter.

-That's very kind of you.

-If there's anything else, you know where to find me.

-Okay.

[Engine starts]

-Damn tombstones.

-Well, house in the woods, quiet.

-You're right.

-Shades of Walden Pond.

-Norman? -Yeah?

-This house is exactly like the one

in the old photo in New York.

-Yes, it's possible.

It's a typical example of the local architecture.

There are probably hundreds of houses like it in the area.

♪♪

You ready?

Don't you want to unload the car?

You got six months to contemplate nature.

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Imitating engine]

And they're on the starting line!

[Imitating engine] And they're revving up!

[Imitating engine] And they're off!

[Imitating engine]

-Ah, there we go.

Now we have water in the kitchen.

-You know, I was thinking,

maybe Bob and I should have stayed in New York.

-Oh, for God's sake. Again?

Stop with this. Please.

-[Clicks tongue] Yeah.

After all, six months goes by real quick, doesn't it?

-Hey, come on. Don't you remember?

We decided it would be a vacation.

I do my research, and you and Bob, you can go out.

It's beautiful.

-Great place for a vacation, isn't it?

[Sighs]

-Listen, honey.

It means another $5,000 per year.

Do you realize?

We can refurnish the apartment in New York.

♪♪

♪♪

What's the matter? It's only a doll.

[Clattering]

-Bob's always bringing home that trash!

-You're just tired, darling.

You really should take those pills

Joe Baker prescribed.

-Why do you keep telling me to go on with those pills?

I feel fine. I never felt better.

-They'll calm down your nerves.

-My nerves are fine the way they are!

And besides, I read somewhere

that those pills can provoke hallucinations.

-[Bob imitating engine]

-Are you sure?

Well...

you can't say the house isn't quaint.

I guess this must be the cellar.

-And Mrs. Gittleson had the door nailed shut.

Quaint.

-Say the word, and I'll open it for you.

-No.

Go and fix the rooms first.

Tonight I'd rather sleep in a real bed.

Wouldn't you?

-[Bob imitating engine]

-Alright.

[Thud]

[Motor whirs]

Bob.

-Bob!

Look, it's time for your nap, honey.

-No! I want to play!

-Don't whine.

[Toy car whirring]

[Toy car crashes]

[Wheels spinning]

♪♪

Hi. -Hi.

Are you Mrs. Boyle?

-Yes.

-Mrs., uh, Mrs. Gittleson sent me over.

I'm Ann, the babysitter.

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, Eli, we really need you this time, because --

Eli Roth, ladies and gentlemen, once was not enough.

He's back for a second feature.

We really need you because I happen to know,

based on public statements that you've made,

that Lucio Fulci is one of your favorite directors.

Would you say he's a genius? -Genius.

Fulci is an underappreciated, underrated genius.

I mean, I rarely say that about certain directors,

but I've watched his entire filmography.

What he's done in so many ways,

I think that Fulci is a true master of cinema,

and truly one of the most underappreciated

if not themost underappreciated maybe, next to Joe d'Amato,

of underappreciated geniuses

of Italian cinema and world cinema.

-Okay, then, perfect, because as we go through this movie,

we're going to need you to explain to us

what's going on in the movie,

or at least I'm going to need you.

And these are not idle questions.

These are not questions because I wasn't paying attention.

I was paying attention.

I've watched the movie several times by now.

So, first up, why is the family --

Norman, Lucy, their angelic little boy, Bob --

why are they going to the house in the first place

and staying six months?

What is their mission?

-I think he's writing a book there.

Isn't that what he's going to do that?

-There's -- I don't think so.

There's a little mention of "researching suicide."

and he gets paid an extra $5,000 for something.

-I believe he's going there to do research.

He has a discussion with Lucio Fulci on the street,

and Fulci himself explains it.

I never really thought about it that much.

I'm more thinking about Paolo Malco's trench coat

that he wears.

-Yeah. It's a great trench coat.

But I'm fuzzy on exactly why he decides to

uproot his whole family from their New York apartment

for some ambiguous research project about his house.

-The person to really ask is Dardano Sachetti

and Elisa Briganti the screenwriters.

and they were just these incredible --

I mean, they wrote "Zombie" with Fulci.

They were, like, regular writers.

They wrote so many movies.

They would basically write a script a week,

so they may have forgotten to add that detail.

-Okay.

See, the reason I'm asking these questions is,

we have a lot of hardcore horror fans who watch these shows

and they believe that Fulci, Argento, Umberto Lenzi,

Deodato, Lamberto Bava,

that all these Italian directors

are better than the American directors,

that their movies are more interesting,

their stories are better, the cinematic experience is better.

You would probably agree with that, right?

-It's a completely different sensibility.

I mean, the American directors are coming from the 1950s.

You look at John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper --

their sensibility are the Roger Corman movies,

the AIP films, that's what's informing their sensibilities.

The Italians are all coming out of spaghetti westerns,

and they were kind of following the giallo films.

They're following the American slasher films,

but they're doing it with

a completely different sensibility.

The way the music is done, the way the violence is done,

and the dubbing and the European actors.

You know, the shots, the zooms into the eyes.

This is all stuff that goes back into the spaghetti westerns,

from that period of cinema in the late '60s films.

So I don't look at it as one is better than the other.

I just look at, these are the sensibilities

that inform this American wave of horror,

and this is what informed the Italians.

-And yet that they all say that they were copying

American movies when they did their own Italian movies.

-But there's an amazing relationship

between American and Italian films.

If you think about it, the Americans did the 1950s.

Well then here comes Sergio Corbucci, he's like,

"Okay, let's use," and Sergio Leone.

What they did was they put on screen violence.

You weren't allowed to show

blood shooting out of a chest in America,

but in Italy, you could do that,

so all of the sudden, Sam Peckinpah comes along.

He's like, "Well, we're gonna do that here."

Things start to change in 1968.

He does "The Wild Bunch."

All of the sudden, you have the film rats coming.

You have Martin Scorsese now.

Now Scorsese's influenced by a lot of different things,

but then the Italians start watching it.

Well, what do they start doing?

They start making their own crime films.

Those are the giallo films.

Those come from the yellow crime paperback films,

which were done previously in Germany.

Germany had done giallo films,

then they had this wealth of movies that

all of a sudden, between 1970 and 1975,

like, a hundred giallo films are made.

Obviously, "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage,"

Mario Bava kicks it off.

Then "Deep Red," 1975 is kind of another bookend of it.

But then the American slasher films, they're like,

"Okay, let's do what they did in the giallo films."

So they start taking the point of view.

Now John Carpenter's point of view

comes from Mario Bava's "Bay of Blood."

That kind of creates the floating camera point of view.

So you have Carpenter taking from an Italian

but also from Bob Clark's "Black Christmas" in 1974.

He's originally called the movie "Black Halloween," like --

there was a whole thing that they were going to do.

So Carpenter is taking from Bob Clark,

and he's also taking from the Italians,

and he does his own thing.

"Halloween" becomes the biggest hit.

In Italy, at the same time,

they're dong Italian sex comedies --

commedia sexy all'italiana.

Dagmar Lassander, who plays the realtor,

is in a film called "Viva la Foca."

She's in a lot of those movies. There's a lot of crossover.

And then "Porky's" sort of takes the formula

from the Italian sex comedies and they do their own thing.

So you have the two cultures

so intertwined and influencing each other,

but the Italian films would change the title,

change the names of the directors.

You know, Sergio Leone was called Bob Robertson.

I mean, like, these...

You had nine different names for these directors.

So they were made to try and be American films, but as a kid,

you thought you were just renting an normal movie,

but there was something completely off about it.

So I think that what you had was they were making movies

in Italy, sold to the world market, dubbed in English

with Europeans speaking English language,

and then redubbed by actors, but in a weird way,

it gives them this otherworldly quality,

like they come from another planet,

and it's kind of a beautiful planet to be on.

-Eli, that was the most

brilliant, complicated explanation.

-Sorry, that's the short version.

-No, I love it. That was great.

That's the most serious explanation I've ever heard

about the relationship between

Italian and American horror films.

And you mentioned the dubbing of the European actors.

That was always the giveaway

that you had an international film on your hands.

Once somebody opened their mouths

and the wrong voice came out.

-In Italy, it was illegal to use synchronized sound.

-Really?

-When Mussolini took over the film industry,

you would have a person from the government in the booth

watching the dubbing.

That was to make sure there was

nothing subversive and anti-government in the films.

So what happened was, during World War II,

people got used to the dubbing.

So then all of the sudden,

you had all these international, European actors,

but like, "Yeah, there's that same guy

that does the cop voice."

-That's true.

-There were like three or four voice actors

that do all of the movies,

so they give them this kind of otherworldly quality.

Now, that continued.

They didn't even soundproof the studios

until "Gangs of New York."

Before that, everyone just got so used to the non-sync sound.

-I did not know that that was the reason.

You know, another question I have

about the movie that we're watching --

who are the two people killed in the opening scene?

Those are not the people that Fulci is talking about

when he's walking down Central Park West

with Norman and he's saying that a guy named Peterson

murdered his mistress and then killed himself, right?

These are totally unrelated murders

in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

There's the murders we see,

and then the ones that motivate Norman

to go to the house in the first place.

Any explanation?

-Yeah, it's 1981.

Lucio Fulci's directing a horror movie.

Therefore, horny teenagers must be sacrificed

in order for the movie to start.

-Oh, okay.

But then what exactly is Norman?

They're walking in front of the New York Historical Society,

so is he a historian...

of houses?

He's a house historian?

-I feel like he's something like a historian or a doctor,

and like, in Italy, they would use the general term "doctore,"

but I think he's a historian.

That's why there's a lot of library

and there's elbow patches and turtlenecks.

-Alright.

But is a total coincidence that the house they move into

is the same house they had in a picture

on the wall of their apartment in New York?

-Well, I always took that as, like,

"That's the house that we're gonna go to,

and let's just put it up on the wall, like,

to get ready in anticipation of the trip."

-Oh, right. 'Cause everybody does that.

Alright, is Ann the babysitter supposed to look

exactly like the mannequin in the store window

that loses its bloody head?

-When you see the bloody mannequin,

that is foreshadowing

what's going to happen to Ann the babysitter.

-Okay.

Now that we've cleared all that up,

we still have unfinished business from the first movie,

'cause I want you to give me your opinion

on the final kills in "Mother's Day,"

starting with Addley

Spike to the head, claw hammer to the groin, suffocation.

-The hit in the nuts, 10 out of 10,

because you see a ball fall.

That was, like, a 10.

That was the best.

That, for me, was the best moment in the movie.

And then Ike getting the television,

'cause he always wanted to be on TV,

we thought was great and ironic.

-And finally, Ma, smothered with inflatable party tits.

What are your thoughts on party tits?

-You know, I understood the symbolism.

My dad being a Freudian psychiatrist,

we had a long discussion about it.

I was always underwhelmed, but I also realized later,

if you're filming with an older actress,

there's only so much you can do,

and probably, you know, casting a mold of someone's head

or having them do a stunt...

I was always underwhelmed by the breasts,

but now I appreciate it, 'cause they went subtle.

Not something you expect the movie to do.

-So, you have have even found a way to justify

the inflatable boobs as a murder weapon.

-Look, I sat there with Charles Kaufman

and they discussed it.

They were like, "How should the mother die?

She suffocates her children.

She should be suffocated by the mother's breasts.

-Okay. I'll buy it, Eli.

Only because it's you.

Roll the film.

You know, you're about the same age as Giovanni Frezza,

the angelic boy, Bob, and all these outdoor scenes

were filmed right where you grew up in Newton.

You could have been Bob!

-I've looked up all the kids from those movies

to figure out how old I was at the time of it

and if I could find them today to put them in movies.

-They should have at least let you dub Bob.

It's notorious as one of the worst child voice dubbing jobs

in film history.

When Giovanni Frezza appears at conventions,

he always apologizes for it.

"Not my fault. Not my voice." You know.

And even worse, they dubbed his voice in the Italian version.

You know, that's got to be embarrassing.

Italians think everything should be dubbed.

They sometimes don't even record sound.

You know, "We'll just do that later."

[Static buzzes]

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

[Footsteps approaching]

[Animal howling in distance]

[Floorboard creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Creak]

♪♪

[Child crying in distance]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

[Creak]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

[Creaks]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Whimpers softly]

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Creaking]

[Creaking, clattering]

♪♪

[Creaking continues]

♪♪

[Creaking, clattering]

-Ann.

[Gasps]

[Squeaking]

♪♪

No, hon, it's alright. You keep the car.

-But you'll need it to get home.

Really, it's okay. I can take a bus.

-But they only leave once an hour,

and you'll have the groceries.

-I don't have much to get, and I feel like a walk.

-Who can argue? Okay, I'll keep the car.

-Hi.

-Who was it?

-Mrs. Gittleson. She didn't see me.

Or she turned the other way on purpose.

-Or maybe you need glasses.

-Maybe.

-Are you on top of it?

-Yeah. I feel a little bit better now

that I know that Ann's looking after Bob.

-A candlelight dinner. -Okay.

-[Sighs]

-In the last two months,

not only did he come in less and less,

but he acted differently.

I had the impression he, uh,

was growing obsessively jealous of Sheila.

Dr. Boyle? -Yeah?

-You will pardon my indiscretion.

-Please.

-What was he so eager to discuss with you back then?

-Back when?

-When you came to visit him with your daughter.

Don't you remember? Last October, I think it was.

-I never paid a visit to Dr. Petersen.

In fact, this is the first time

that I've set foot in this town.

-Are you sure?

-Yes, of course. Positive.

And then, I have a son, not a daughter.

-Strange. I could have sworn --

-Mr. Wheatley, you called me.

-Ah! Our precious Daniel Douglas.

If you need any books, documents,

reference material of any kind,

feel free to call on our Mr. Douglas.

-Thank you.

-[Clears throat]

Everything's the way Dr. Petersen left it.

Those are his notes.

I didn't dare move any of his material. [Chuckles]

[Clears throat]

Are you going to carry on Dr. Petersen's research?

-Of course.

-[Chuckling] Well, over here you'll find

all the medical reports,

death certificates and lists of missing persons.

-What did Petersen need that material for?

-[Chuckling] I don't know.

He asked me to get it.

I told him that -- [Clears throat]

the, uh, material wasn't pertinent.

-And? -And...

he answered...

that he was doing a little private research.

Do you know anything about it?

-No.

But knowing Petersen, I'm sure it's something fascinating.

-[Clears throat]

Well... -[Chuckles]

-If you need me, I'm in the next room.

-Thank you.

-You know where, uh, he hanged himself?

There.

From that railing.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Do you know who that lady is, Bob?

She was the wife of Dr. Freudstein.

-Who's Dr. Freudstein?

-Only it's all a lie. -What's all a lie?

-She's really not buried there.

Oh, I know.

She's not buried here.

♪♪

♪♪

-"June 7, 1879.

Dr. Jacob Allan Freudstein is hereby suspended

from the medical association

and banned from practicing the medical profession for life."

[Hollow thud]

-[Sighs]

[Clattering]

[Gasps]

[Soft growling]

-[Screeching] -[Gasps]

[Creaking, clattering]

[Creaking]

Bob?

Ann?

Is that you?

Bob?

Ann?

Bob!

[Pounding]

Ann!

[Pounding]

[Child crying]

[Growling]

Ann?

[Clattering and crying continue]

[Low growling, clattering]

[Crying continues]

[Objects shattering]

-[Screaming]

[Vehicle approaches]

[Door opens, closes]

-Yoo-hoo!

I'm home.

Lucy?

Lucy?

-[Lucy sobbing]

[Sobbing continues]

-Lucy!

What in God's name...

What's wrong?

Lucy.

-[Sobbing continues]

Lucy.

[Static crackles]

-Sobbing in the corner of the bedroom,

that's Catriona MacColl, the British actress who was in

all three of Lucio Fulci's most famous films,

the so-called "Gates of Hell" trilogy.

The other two were "City of the Living Dead"

and "The Beyond".

I actually think he made that title up.

"Yes, I was making a trilogy."

Dario Argento used to do the same thing.

-I did the same thing.

My "Travel" trilogy.

Made that up.

-I guess that idea is to give more weight to films

that really didn't have anything to do with one another.

There are fans who say it should really be

the "Gates of Hell" quadrilogy.

Is that a word?

Because Fulci made "Zombie," which he called "Zombie 2,"

which was also called "Zombie Flesh Eaters,"

back in 1979, before the other three movies,

and thatmovie probably is his best film.

All these movies, by the way,

were written by Dardano Sacchetti,

who was kind of the go-to screenwriter

for many directors in Rome.

And also Elisa Briganti gets a story credit.

She had written one of my favorites,

"1990: The Bronx Warriors,"

and she was married to Sacchetti,

so I think they collaborated often.

So, Eli, did you ever meet Lucio Fulci?

-I never got to meet Fulci.

He passed away before I got to meet him.

I'm very friendly with his daughter Antonella,

and I've had dinner with her and been to her house,

and she's showed me a lot of her old father's stuff that she had.

But it's funny, because when we were making

"Hostel" and "Hostel 2,"

before we do a kill scene in "Hostel,"

we would all get together and have a seance

and say "We are here to channel the spirit of Lucio Fulci.

Lucio, if you're here with us, please come to the set."

We would actually, like, before a kill scene, do that.

-Wow. Eli, so you would -- you would do a seance

to channel Fulci every time you did a kill scene?

-And Quentin would do that.

Quentin told me that he would do that on "Kill Bill,"

he would channel the spirit of whoever, Sergio Leone,

going, "Please give me guidance during this scene.

Like, we're looking to you, master."

And I would do that.

I would say, "Lucio Fulci, please help me guide.

Help us do a beautiful kill in honor of you.

We love your work.

I'm gonna thank you in the credits."

And we did, and his daughter watched the movie

and said, "I felt my father's spirit was with you."

That actually happened before I met her,

and that's how I became friends with her.

-Wow. Okay.

Well, you know, Fulci was known as a so-called

"difficult" personality.

Catriona MacColl said she was never on a set

where there was so much screaming.

Fulci screaming, but also all the people on his crew

screaming at one another between the takes.

She just thought it was funny.

She's British, you know?

She just wrote it off as, "Oh, they're being Italian."

Something tells me there's no screaming on your sets, Eli.

-No, you can't.

I mean, look, it's obviously a different time

and a different culture.

I allow myself to yell once a shoot, if necessary.

I was a camp counselor, and it's the same thing --

you can't scream at the kids.

You've got to be like, patient.

You've got to get everyone,

you've got to keep the train moving forward.

David Lynch gave me the best advice --

he's like, "Keep your eye on the donut, not the hole.

The donut is the 24 frames of information

recorded per second, and everything else,

all the other bullshit, that's the hole,

and you can get sucked right into it.

It's a vacuum.

Your job is director.

Eye on the donut, not the hole."

And I kind of give that mantra to the crew and to the cast,

and if I feel that things are starting to --

I go, "Eye on the donut,"

and everyone snaps to, and you're like, "You're right.

Let's get the shot."

And I've noticed that when people work hard

and feel great about a movie, that's what they really want.

That's the most rewarding thing.

-Well, you know, if David Lynch said it,

it must be, like, a Zen Buddhist thing,

'cause he's a Zen Buddhist.

Well, this is one of those movies where they have

an international cast.

And you've worked with an international cast.

Do you ever dub people because their English is bad,

just for that reason?

Or just let them speak their own language

and then dub it into English later?

-You know, I like to give actors the opportunity to do it.

And there was one time on a movie I produced

that the lead actress had a very scratchy voice,

and it just, everyone who watched the movie,

it distracted them.

So we gave her a shot to do it.

We let her pick the actress. We helped her.

It was something I produced. It was a small film.

And she was okay with it.

Like, 'cause it made her look really good.

-Well, Lucio Fulci used a lot of Italians

who spoke no English,

but he required them to learn their lines in English

even if they didn't know what the words meant --

so they would say the line phonetically,

like Paolo Malco in this movie, who plays Norman.

Virtually no English.

Catriona MacColl says it was sometimes very awkward

trying to do the scene with him.

She couldn't understand what he was saying.

She just had to remember it from the script.

Ania Pieroni, who plays the babysitter, same thing.

So Eli, more questions -- as a screenwriter,

let's say you were writing this story.

Is there any combination of events going on in your brain

that would cause you to choose a character name

like Freudstein?

-I mean, Fulci obviously is thinking,

"Okay, he's a doctor. Who's obvious? Freud.

Maybe he's German, or maybe he's Jewish. Freudstein."

I always thought it was cool he was kind of a Jewish monster.

-Well, that's a good point, I guess.

Jewish monsters are rare in films.

-There's really not a lot.

Meyer Lansky, yeah, but whatever.

Epstein, okay, fine.

But, like, for movie monsters, the Golem and Freudstein.

So I thought it was great.

-Alright, well, the scene where

Norman goes all through the house

because he hears loud sounds,

and he finds the babysitter removing some boards

from the cellar door --

he says her name, they stare,

there's a tight close up on the eyes and he leaves.

And Fulci is just crazy about these tight eye close ups.

What does that scene mean?

-Everything is to make you uncomfortable.

Everything in a horror movie is to give you a sense of unease.

Like, why does he know the house?

Has he been there before?

Is there something suspicious about this guy?

Is something more going on between them?

Because, you know, it's also in Italian,

so it's like a guy and a girl --

of course there's gonna be something going on.

-Well, the same thing when Lucy

sees Mrs. Giddelsen, the realtor, on the street,

but Mrs. Giddelsen ignores her.

Why? What's that about?

-It's all red herrings.

There's this kind of sense of unease and danger,

and the realtor is played by Dagmar Lassander,

who was in the movie "The Laughing Woman,"

[Speaking in Italian]

"The Woman Who Laughs," from 1969.

Dagmar Lassander is a very famous Italian actress,

and she's in the Fulci movie,

so Fulci's like, got to give her a close-up,

because the Italians are gonna love it.

-Well, I guess my real question is,

when you have a red herring, doesn't there eventually

need to be an in-movie explanation later

for why the red herring behavior or that moment occurred?

-No. I mean, there does, but like...

Here's the thing --

there's two kinds of logic in a horror movie,

there's story logic and then there's dream logic.

And if you think about it, movies are kind of

the closest representation to our dreams.

And horror moves are very, very close

representations of nightmares.

They don't make sense.

Now, you can't just do random, crazy stuff that makes no sense

and lose your audience.

I think that Fulci's just experimenting with style.

I think he's a guy who is in his early 50s,

his masterpieces were completely underappreciated,

and he's like, "You know what?

I'm making a horror movie and I'm going for it,

and I don't care if this works.

I don't care if I'm gonna have a zombie and a shark.

I don't care.

The audience wants gore and they want some weird scenes,

and I'm gonna give it to them."

-Alright.

Well, your enthusiasm is kind of rubbing off on me, Eli,

so let's get back to the rather slowly-developing

"House by the Cemetery,"

A masterpiece by Lucio Fulci.

Roll it.

The other rap on Fulci is that he was misogynist.

You know?

But I never know what people mean by that.

Do they mean because a lot of females

get killed in his movies?

Or do they mean he's mean to actresses?

Catriona MacColl says she would, when he would get crazy,

she would just tell him, "You're impossible,"

and that's all it took to calm him down.

And let me just make it clear here,

since we're talking about this --

I do not believe in

the random killing and mutilation of women...

...unless it's necessary to the plot.

[Static crackles]

[Curtains rustling]

[Panting]

[Chuckles]

-Hi.

-How do you feel?

-Hmm.

-Better.

Have Bob and Ann come back?

-Not yet.

-Why can't we get something else from Mrs. Gittleson?

-[Chuckles]

-I mean, this house is so strange.

Sure, I can deal with a graveyard next door,

but to live with a tomb in your hallway?

-It's just something you'll have to get used to.

This ain't New York. -I know.

-Most of the old houses in the area

have tombs in them.

Really. -No kidding.

-It's because in the winter, it freezes here.

-Is that so?

-Yeah, and the yard being like a rock,

they bury Grandpa at home.

No more ghost talk now, huh? -Okay.

-Come on. I've got a surprise for you.

-What is it? I did some clever scrounging,

and, well, darling,

now we try to solve the cellar-door mystery.

So...

[Door rattling]

No.

[Chuckles]

-[Clicks tongue]

-Now, let's see.

-We're home, Mrs. Boyle.

-Daddy! Daddy! You're back from work!

-Hey!

-Guess what? -What?

-Today I saw my new girlfriend again,

and Mae said to tell you "Hi," and also to Mommy.

Hey, what are you doing?

-Well, I want to show Mommy

there's, um, nothing behind the door.

How about giving me a hand? -Sure.

-Now, this one didn't work. You try it.

-Did you see the girl he was talking about?

-No.

[Lock clicking] -But weren't you with him?

-Yes. All the time.

-Bob found it.

♪♪

Only trouble is...

Thank you.

♪♪

...it's rusty as all get out.

[Clicking, scraping]

Obviously Petersen wasn't interested in cellars.

Must be years since it...

[Squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

-Do you see anything?

-Some old steps going down.

-Should I come with you?

-No. Stay with Bob.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clatters]

♪♪

♪♪

[Squeaking]

-[Screaming]

-Norman! Ann!

-[Norman groaning]

-Why did you shout like that?

-It was just --

[Squeaking] -Ahh!

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

Norman, help me!

Help!

♪♪

-[Norman screams]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

-Daddy! Daddy! What's the matter?!

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Norman grunting] -[Lucy shrieks]

♪♪

-[Norman grunts]

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-Ahh! Ahh!

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

-[Gasps] -Kill it!

[Screeching stops]

[Lucy sobbing]

-[Yawns] I see.

I'll tell Mrs. Gittleson.

-And please tell her we want to move out no later than tomorrow.

-Yes, very well.

-Well, will it be --

be difficult to find another house?

-I can't really say, but I don't think so.

-Thank God for that.

Don't forget now, no later than tomorrow, okay?

-Yes, very well.

I'll call Mrs. Gittleson...

-We going?

-...and have her stop over this evening.

-Goodbye. [Mutters]

[Bell dings]

[Dialing]

[Line beeping]

That Freudstein house.

That Freudstein house.

-No. No.

Mnh-mnh.

-It was inevitable.

-What?

-That they'd want to leave the Freudstein property.

-[Sighs] Oak Mansion, Harold.

How many times do I have to tell you that house

is now called Oak Mansion?

-Yeah, give the bad product a new label.

Well, call it what you will,

but it's always been Freudstein's house.

-[Sighs]

-Woman: Mae.

[Bird chirping]

Mae.

Mae, we have to.

-I suppose so.

-What were you doing by the window?

-Watching the house is all.

-You can't see it from here.

Come.

Time to go to bed.

[Buttons snapping]

♪♪

-Don't go inside.

Not inside!

[Doorbell buzzes]

-Mr. Boyle?

Mrs. Boyle?

Is anybody home?

Mrs. Boyle?

[Clattering]

Ann?

Hello?

Ann?

Ann?

[Sighs]

-[Man exhaling]

[Rustling]

[Footsteps running]

Mrs. Boyle?

Ann?

Ahh!

[Screams]

[Screeching]

♪♪

[Footsteps]

♪♪

No!

[Whimpering]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

No!

Nooooo!

[Man wailing]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Gasping, screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Bones cracking]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Child crying]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, one of the slowest, weirdest kills

in horror history -- Mrs. Gittleson, the realtor --

fire poker to the heart, kidneys, and neck,

resulting in a most satisfying carotid-artery blood spurt.

And the gross, scaly hand doing the killing

was none other than Silvia Collatina,

the 8-year-old girl playing Mae.

Apparently when you have children on a Lucio Fulci set,

you don't want to waste money when they have nothing to do,

so you use them to

execute horrendous special effects shots.

So Eli, did your house have a tomb in it?

-Not that I know of. It might now.

-I thought allthe houses in that part of New England

have tombs in them.

-Those houses were terrifying.

I remember, like, that's where the horror ideas come from.

The dead woods, the trees --

I mean, these things were built in the 1880s

and they're, like, a lot of them aren't in good shape.

You go in them, there's weird stuff in there.

-Well, as an expert screenwriter,

tell me what is the purpose of the bat scene?

-God, there was a real problem with puppet bats

in New England.

They would attack you.

And I think that's what the screenwriters were representing.

-[Chuckles]

-No, it's nature run amuck.

It's the danger of the house.

It's that, you know, there's something evil.

It's like that classic Dracula,

that there's something evil in the house

that's going to attack you, that makes you feel unsafe,

and it goes on and on and on.

and it's got that horrible sound.

It's fantastic.

-What do you think is Lucio Fulci's best movie?

-"The Beyond" is a masterpiece, I think, start to finish.

You know, the seven doors of death,

the way he handled the fantasy, the afterlife,

it's a beautiful film.

For me, it's "Zombie," too, though.

I love it. I love the fritzy score.

I love Tisa Farrow's performance.

I love the zombie fighting the shark. It's brilliant.

-Well, Lucio Fulci was an interesting guy.

At this point in his career, he had already been working

in the film industry for about 30 years.

He started out as a screenwriter and an assistant director --

he was actually a medical student who gave it up

to attend the famous Experimental Film Center,

which is the oldest film school in Europe, Mussolini founded it.

And he was a pretty decent writer --

he wrote over 130 scripts, but then starting in 1959,

he got his director's shot

with a comedy called "The Thieves,"

and after that, he worked in all genres,

saving his money until he could make his pet project in 1969,

which in this country is called "The Conspiracy of Torture,"

the true story of Beatrice Cenci,

who was imprisoned in the basement of her house

by her sexually abusive father in the 16th century

and eventually murdered him.

It was very anti-Catholic.

Fulci was a Marxist and he hated the Catholic church,

and he thinks that movie affected his ability

to get well-paying work after that.

He thought Dario Argento got all the money

and he was left with the scraps.

But that didn't stop him

from making another anti-Catholic movie called

"Don't Torture a Duckling" in 1972,

even more anti-church than the first movie.

It was full of psycho religious zealots

and brutal child killings

and perverted versions of Catholicism --

and even though a lot of people like the movie today,

that movie was too much for the authorities.

It actually got him blacklisted.

He could only work in television for a long time after that.

So then after that, he made westerns,

he made giallo films, he made sex comedies,

mystery thrillers, he made a Mafia crime movie,

and then his breakthrough was in 1979 when he made "Zombie,"

which he called "Zombie 2"

because, as usual, he was trying to fool people

into thinking it was a sequel,

and in this case it was a sequel to "Dawn of the Dead,"

which had been released in Italy under the title "Zombie."

And then he made the three "Gates of Hell" films

and then he had smaller and smaller budgets

throughout the '80s, and in 1990,

he made his autobiographical film "A Cat in the Brain,"

which is about a horror director who fears that his obsession

with sex and violence is a sign of mental disease.

Fulci did not like actors.

He fancied himself the Italian Hitchcock,

and he loved to quote anything Hitchcock said about actors,

like "Actors are cattle,"

which he may or may not have said,

but people do think he said it.

Does that about sum it up, Eli?

-No, you really nailed it.

But the critics were not behind him.

It was hard for him to get money,

and it was really Fabrizio de Angelis, the producer,

that brought him back to life by giving him "Zombie 2,"

and he just went for it.

He just was like, "I don't care.

I'm just going to make the most over-the-top, violent movie."

And he had this run of these incredible films

that were so intense that that's what he got known for.

I just don't think he got along well with people.

I think he had depression issues,

and I think that his personality was very abrasive with people.

-I've heard that.

-He wasn't, like, one of those people

that actors just loved and loved working with

and being around, you know?

It just wasn't his personality.

-Okay, well, we're going back to the movie.

And, oh yeah --

why does Norman pick up the ring on the staircase?

-You've really -- that's an Elisa Briganti

and Dardano Sachetti question.

-Okay. Well.

This is one of those movies where you keep thinking,

"Well, that'll be explained later,"

and then it's never explained later.

But I should ask you, since we have you here.

If there are holes in your plot like that,

improbable coincidences, things like that,

and you decide, "Well, I can't totally eliminate those

or I'll lose something else down the line," do you just say,

"Well, we'll do a bloodbath at the end

and that'll make 'em forget everything?"

-Quentin put me through those paces on "Hostel."

He's like, "I'm gonna give you --

If I smell movie convenience, we're gonna figure it out,

'cause that's lazy writing."

He went thorough everything and was like,

"I call bullshit on that. Movie convenience.

Movie convenience. There will be none."

-Jesus, you just described every film under film undergrad's

wet dream and worst nightmare.

-Sometimes you can't get out of something.

You don't realize it at the time.

You're like -- [Inhales sharply]

You want someone to poke a hole in it,

and that's what your producers do.

-Would you agree there are about fifteen examples

of movie convenience in "House by the Cemetery?"

-It's a fun movie because it's got some great kills

and it's got some great zooms,

but people watch it for the inconsistencies.

It's not a movie you watch and go, "Why is this happening?

Why is this happening?"

You're going, "I love the scene with the ring.

Oh, wait, wait, he's gonna zoom into the realtor's eyes.

Oh, this is a weird scene that makes no sense, watch this."

It's like he was just having a fun time,

and I think that as a viewer,

it's not one of the movies that I put under that microscope

or take all that seriously.

-Oh, actually I was taking it that seriously,

but I won't anymore, because if I digress

and then you digress and then I digress again,

we'll never get back to the movie.

[Laughing]

[Static buzzes]

[Birds chirping]

-[Yawning]

Good morning, Ann.

-Good morning.

[Water squishing, dripping]

-What are you doing?

-I made coffee.

-Hmm.

-What a shame you didn't come with us

to the restaurant last night.

Well, at least your parents must have been glad

you paid them a visit, huh?

♪♪

♪♪

Do you live far from here?

Hmm?

♪♪

-Good morning, Professor.

-Norman. -Yeah?

-That girl Ann's a real weirdo. I can't get a word out of her.

-Mm.

-Maybe she doesn't like me.

[Sighs]

Is it interesting?

-What?

-Did you find anything interesting?

-I don't know.

Petersen was reading up about a certain Dr. Freudstein,

turn-of-the-century surgeon

who had a penchant for illegal experiments.

-[Laughs]

And what did that have to do with his historical research?

-Nothing. Nothing at all.

The best guess I can come up with...

...is that Petersen was already going off the deep end.

Honey. -Yeah?

-That's why I have to take a trip to New York.

-Today?

Yeah.

-[Clicks tongue]

-I need Muller's okay to follow up a hunch.

Which is that Petersen's suicide was somehow connected

with his research on this surgeon Freudstein.

[Footsteps approaching]

-Ah.

I-I-it's you.

-Surprised?

-Well, it's Sunday, and I thought...

-I know. What are you doing here?

-[Clears throat] Nothing. Just a routine check.

One of my duties is to check all the wings

of the library on Sunday when we're closed.

I won't disturb you any longer.

Excuse me.

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunts]

-Got you.

-Only because I fell.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have come near me.

-Where are you going?

-I have to get home or Ann will yell at me.

Mom's gone shopping, and she still thinks

I'm up in my room napping.

-No, Ann won't get mad.

-I tell you, she will, 'cause Mommy told her

-I was not to go out.

-Don't go in the house, Bob. -Don't worry.

I'll just fake it a minute or two

and then sneak out again.

See ya.

♪♪

Wait for me! -Under the oak!

-Okay!

-No, Bob, don't go inside. I warned you not to.

♪♪

♪♪

-Petersen: It's been days and days

since I stopped work for this.

I can't eat.

I can't sleep.

I can't stop now, though. I've got to --

[Creaking]

[Creaking]

[Creaking gets louder]

I've lost all critical perspective.

The signs.

The warnings of this house.

Freudstein's house.

That anguished crying.

And Sheila smiles.

What can I do to make her believe me?

Maybe I'm insane.

Yes.

This is all unreal.

Freudstein's house draws me like an infernal magnet

and frightens me.

♪♪

How many have wandered innocently

into the waiting spider web?

How many more are doomed to follow?

♪♪

The smell of the rooms terrifies me...

and lures me on.

The smell of blood.

How many more are still to come?

Onward, into the depths of this mystery.

I want to know, know the worst.

Onward, to find out.

Find out!

Freudstein.

His voice.

Is that his voice?

[Thunder crashes]

Blood.

Blood!

Not only blood.

His voice.

I can hear it now.

I hear it!

I hear it everywhere!

♪♪

♪♪

Sheila!

Do you believe me now?

Do you believe me?

[Sobbing]

♪♪

No.

No!

Sheila.

[Blood dripping]

♪♪

♪♪

No! No! Not the children!

No!

-And they're on the starting grid set for the big race, Yogi.

On your mark. Go!

[Imitating engine]

[Static crackles]

-You know another interesting architectural detail

about New England,

besides all the houses having tombs in the hallways,

is that all the libraries have incinerators

in the research areas that are burning all the time

so you can destroy anything you don't need.

Why would Norman destroy a tape

of Peterson raving about Freudstein?

Eli?

-I think he was worried it would wake Freudstein up.

It's like, he probably saw "Evil Dead,"

and said, "If you're in a horror movie,

and you play a tape, no good can come of this."

-And then here's the biggie question.

In what universe does Lucy walk into the kitchen,

notice that the babysitter is cleaning up

huge pools of blood, ask her what she's doing,

gets the answer "I made coffee,"

and then going "Okay, yeah, let's have coffee.

Are we supposed to think that both of them

already know why the blood is there?

-I think you're really underestimating

the importance of coffee in Italian culture.

So that, to me, is just like, a classic Italian.

You walk in and there's a pool of blood,

but someone's making coffee, so what's going on?

"I made coffee."

Okay, first, before anything,

you can't really get into the wherefores and whys

and specifics until you've had your coffee.

-That's actually true,

and it's as good an explanation as I've ever heard.

And then apparently Norman now needs to drive

from Boston to New York --

and how long does that drive take, Eli?

-Three and a half hours.

With my dad driving, three.

With my mom driving, 3:45.

-On a good day.

-Depends if you go through Connecticut

or whether you just go through Massachusetts all the way.

-Okay, because Norman needs to

"get the okay from Mueller" -- that's the Lucio Fulci character

at the New York Historical Society --

to follow up on the hunch that the suicide of Peterson

is linked to the Freudstein research.

Okay, A., don't they have a phone?

B., is this again some indication

that Norman has a secret agenda?

C., why does the creepy library assistant act like

Norman should not be in the library on Sunday?

-Well, you know, no one really goes to the library at all,

let alone on a Sunday.

It's very suspicious.

Also, I think you're forgetting how expensive it was

to make a long-distance phone call in 1981.

-Okay. Alright.

-If I made a call to New York, my God,

the lecture that I would have gotten from my dad.

"What do you think this is? Are you trying to bankrupt us?

I'm not made of money."

Once you did the 1-2, 1-2 on your home phone from a 617,

it's like, instantly it's a lot of money.

That's my memory of it, and gas prices are pretty cheap.

It's probably cheaper to drive to New York than to call.

-Okay.

So we get the child carcass on the operating table.

That looked particularly good.

Then following that, we get some more eerie staring,

an apparent staple of this movie,

especially from Ann the babysitter.

But Eli, I wanted to ask you before time gets away from us --

were you happy with how your remake of "Death Wish" came out?

-You know, "Death Wish" was an assignment.

It was like, I was supposed to do another movie

that I was unceremoniously removed from

for various reasons, and "Death Wish" came up,

and it wasn't something that I thought I was going to do,

but I really enjoyed the challenge of it.

It was my first time working with a star like Bruce Willis.

And to me, it was just about,

"How much can I get through in a mainstream film?"

-Well, I love the film, though it makes me feel guilty

because the kill scenes in that film are almost sexual.

Orgasmic.

You've got us so manipulated that we just

relishwatching those people die.

-Well, look, in "Hostel," in the first kill,

you're completely repelled by the violence.

You could hear a pin drop in the theater.

And by the end, people were cheering for the violence.

And I remember people said to me,

"I didn't know that I had that in me."

And I think that it's fun to watch someone get the bad guys,

but I think there is something in all of us

that's really interesting -- again, that deep programming

that we could all turn violent at any minute,

especially when you feel justified in doing it.

When something terrible has happened to your loved ones,

we all go right to that caveman, tribal programming of,

"That person must be killed."

-And I hope Darcy can't hear me when I say this,

but I think it's a great remake. which is rare for me.

I usually don't like remakes.

-You know, it wound up --

it was MGM's highest-testing movie they ever had.

I mean, unfortunately there were some tragic shootings

the week before it opened,

and people were not really in the mood for that kind of film,

but the film did very well.

-And I also like how you used Bruce Willis.

'Cause you go to that movie,

you're expecting the "Die Hard" character,

you're expecting a tough guy,

and instead you get a sort of seriously conflicted,

inept vengeance-seeker.

He has to learn to be brutal.

-Well, that was the fun.

Yeah, he's a life-saver.

It's the journey of going from a live-saver to a life-taker,

and that's why it -- look, I learned that

a lot of people panicked when the slide bite happens.

It's called baretta bite or slide bite --

the slide kicks back and pinches your hand,

so I was like, "Let's use that as plot point."

Like, the first time he shoots,

I want to see it go ping-ping-ping.

You know, we're so used to seeing Bruce Willis shoot,

so the fun with Bruce Willis was watching him learn

how to shoot a gun and get good at it.

-Alright, let's get back to the movie.

Oh, and I guess I should ask you about your children's movie,

"The House with a Clock in its Walls."

When I think about children's horror,

I think Bette Davis in "Return to Witch Mountain."

Stuff like that.

-I love that. I love "Gremlins."

I love "Return to Witch Mountain."

I like the straight-up PG scary movie for kids.

The gateway horror film.

-I think parents might hesitate, though, Eli.

You know, "Hey, dear,

let's take little Timmy to the new kid flick

made by the Hostel guy."

Oh, I don't think so.

-There's that,

or the people that were young when they had "Hostel,"

that now have kids are like,

are like, "Oh, Eli wants my kids to be into horror.

I can't start them on 'It' and 'Hostel.'

Let's start them on this,

and this will turn my kids into horror fans.

It was for the horror fans with kids,

to get their kids into horror, to have a fun time at the movie,

but not be so traumatized that they never sleep again.

-Okay, a noble goal.

And I'm sure all the parents in the mutant fam would

certainly approve.

[Static buzzes]

♪♪

-[Bob imitating engine]

And Bob Boyle takes the lead!

[Imitating engine continues]

But car number 2 bumps it off the track.

[Imitating engine continues]

And he's back on again.

[Imitating engine continues]

[Bell dings]

[Engine revving, tires screech]

-Norman.

Norman.

[Horn honking]

[Horn honks]

[Toy car clattering]

[Birds chirping]

-Bob!

-[Child crying]

-Where are you?

Answer me.

Come on. Quit playing.

-[Crying continues]

-Bob?

-[Crying continues]

-Are you down there?

Bob?

[Clattering]

-You all right?

Um, you want me to --

You want me to come down and help you?

Bob!

[Squeaking]

[Footsteps running]

Is that you?

Bob?

-[Child crying]

Please, answer me.

[Door creaking] -[Gasps]

[Door closes]

Bob! Open the door!

[Screams]

The door, Bob!

Open the door!

[Whimpering]

Mrs. Boyle, help me!

Open the door!

[Doorknob jiggling]

Bob, open the door! Open the door!

Help!

Somebody help me!

-Okay, Yogi, we've gotta go rescue Ann.

-Bob, open the door. Help!

Bob!

Oh, God!

Open the door!

[Doorknob jiggling]

No!

♪♪

No. No!

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Coughing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Bones cracking]

-Ann?

[Lock clicks]

[Door creaking]

[Whimpers]

[Creaking stops]

Ann!

Ann?

Ann!

[Thumping]

[Thumping continues]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

-Bob?

Ann?

Can you help me?

-[Child crying]

Bob?

Ann!

-[Crying continues]

-Bob?

-[Crying]

-Bob!

-Mommy. [Crying]

-Bob. -Mommy.

-What's the matter?

What are you doing there, darling?

-It was awful. It was awful.

-Where's Ann? What happened?

-I don't know, but -- but --

-Were you playing?

You mean, she was hiding and you got scared, or what?

-Yogi and I were racing and I heard this scream.

And I went down to the cellar.

And poor Ann. -And?

-And they cut off Ann's head. -What?

-They did, Mommy. It fell down the stairs.

It was lying there. -Darling.

-And I saw it. I did.

-Bob! -[Whimpering]

-Bob, really. -It's true, Mommy. I saw her.

-Don't worry. It's alright.

[Flashlight clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Sighs]

You really scared me, you know that?

-It's the truth, Mommy. Honest. I saw it roll down the stairs.

-Bob, there's nothing there, believe me.

[Loud clattering, thumping]

[Sighs]

[Wind whistling]

-Hey! What are you doing here?

-What are you doing here?

-I happen to be the caretaker, and we're closed now.

-I'm looking for a tomb. -Whose tomb?

-A Dr. Freudstein's.

-Oh, you too?

-What do you mean?

-Well, you're not the first.

-Look, friend,

I came over 200 miles to see this tomb,

and I wanna see it.

-Well, you shouldn't have bothered.

There's no Dr. Freudstein here.

-But...

according to the official records,

he was buried here.

-The official records don't mean a thing.

It's a lot of bunk that Freudstein's buried here.

Just gossip.

Now, come on. The cemetery's closed.

Let's go. You mind?

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

-Thanks, Mommy.

-Ann will come back. You'll see.

She's probably just gone to visit her parents, that's all.

Huh.

Go to sleep now. Come on.

There we are. It's late.

♪♪

♪♪

[Smooches]

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Ann is probably just visiting her parents --

yeah, that's something the live-in babysitter does

without any warning.

And Bob can't be believed,

because he talks to his stuffed monkey.

But how many times have they been down in that cellar

at this point without figuring out what's down there?

-The thing is, if you answered all these questions,

the movie would be four minutes long.

-That's sort of my point!

-You know, look, we spent a lot of time in the cellar

of my house, we went down there over and over and over.

There were still things we never saw.

Probably bodies hidden in there.

Those Massachusetts cellars, they're endless.

They're like the cellar in "Crawl."

They're like, it just goes on and on and on.

-Well, the repeated throat-slashing of Ann

is carried out with what appears to be

a normal, female hand.

It was, in fact, the left hand, once again,

of eight-year-old Silvia Collatina.

But this pretty much rules out

Ann's creepy, zombie-like demeanor being caused

by any complicity in the secrets of the house, right?

-Probably, yeah.

-She was weird but she was innocent.

She was one more setup for the only thing

keeping suspense alive in this movie, which is --

who's in the basement, and why is he or she killing everybody?

And what does that have to do with child murder?

Since we have that shot of the dead baby carcass

and the operating table

and the idea that maybe Mae is a ghost of some sort,

haunting the house because she was killed there, maybe.

Eli?

-Yeah. Also, like, I'm in Italy. You're in America.

You know what I mean?

Like, if you're in Italy watching this movie,

all this stuff, you just kind of go with it.

You're just enjoying your coffee.

-Different rules.

-Different rules.

-Alright, Eli, sum up for me

the recent fascination with Italian horror.

When I first saw these movies,

no one even knew they were Italian.

I think you would have to admit that many of these movies,

even the most celebrated ones,

they have all kinds of production flaws

and plot holes and bad dubbing,

and they're constantly ripping off American movies

or they're trying to pass off their own works

as sequels to American flicks.

So what is it, emotionally, or in the big picture,

that makes so many fans

fall in love with so many Italian horror films?

-I'll tell you why.

There was no market testing.

You're seeing movies now that have been through a process

where they just cut the edges off.

"The audience doesn't like this.

It didn't score enough.

The lead wasn't likable enough.

We didn't understand this.

This scene is too offensive."

To release a movie now,

they spend $30 million in advertising money,

and they're not going to spend it

unless they're reasonably sure they're gonna make it back.

Movies today aren't made because people think they're successful,

they're made because they think they won't fail.

Put every decision through that filter.

You're at a studio. You're in marketing.

You're a producer.

"If your movie fails, will I get fired?"

Well, if it tests really high and it fails, it's like,

"It's not my fault. The movie tested high."

If the movie tested low and you put it out and it fails,

they'll go, "Why would you release that?

You lost $25 million. You're fired."

There are so few jobs that every decision

on every level, from the casting, from the script,

even if you make an independent movie

and someone buys it and they're going to release it,

"How much money are we going to spend?

What does it test?"

Some audience is going to watch it and go,

"But this doesn't make sense.

This feels weird. This feels different."

-Right, and the words "weird" and "different"

are bread and butter for filmmakers like Fulci.

-We miss the time when movies were dangerous.

We miss the time when they had random people,

when characters you like did horrible things

and died violent deaths.

Things that are shot on film, things with practical effects,

because they're transgressive.

The point of horror is to be horrific.

It's not to please everybody.

You don't need to make a movie that everybody loves.

If half the people hate your movie,

you're still doing your job.

You're not there to please everybody.

This is the story and you can like it or not like it.

You can like my movies or hate my movies.

Both are perfectly acceptable.

I'm just expressing myself.

And that's what these directors did.

When you Dario Argento, when you're Lucio Fulci,

when you had Sergio Martino, Lamberto Bava,

they were making such great, incredible, creative movies

on no money.

And it's also a time that we miss.

It's sleaze, it's violence. There's sex.

The characters do things you're not supposed to do,

but you can tell that there's a purity to them.

It's a time that we miss, when we all watched movies

as a kid, we didn't know they were Italian,

because they changed the director's names.

Because the video box art

was the size of a Captian Crunch box.

You didn't know anything about the movie.

You're just looking at the cool picture.

But there was something weird about it.

Now, on Amazon Prime, on Netflix, on Blue Underground,

on Arrow Video, on Shudder,

you can see these movies remastered in 4K,

and they look beautiful, and they're appreciated,

and you can connect with other fans.

You can learn history, but they represent a time

when cinema was storytelling.

Now, it's mass-marketed,

and if you make a movie that's weird,

maybe it gets a VOD release.

Maybe no one ever sees it, or maybe they cut the edges off.

It's very rare that

a unique film that strange breaks through.

I'm not saying it can't happen.

It's just ten times harder now.

-So you're saying that when somebody writes an opinion down

on a test card at one of those screenings,

like, "This movie made me feel weird.

I'm not sure what I think about it."

That opinion goes on to shape and change whatever art

is left in the process?

-Well, it depends how much control you have, but yes.

That's exactly what happens, and it's usually one person

or one person in a focus group.

So out of these group of 300 people,

someone goes, "The beginning's a little slow."

Well, yeah, it's supposed to be slow,

because you're getting to know the characters,

and it's actually making the ending much better.

The audience doesn't know it.

If they're a little bored, that's okay,

because the ending is all set up for the payoff.

If it all goes fast, then the ending won't work.

So it's very frustrating.

They'll be like, "Well, that one person said,"

so suddenly, this random person in Burbank on a Thursday night

knows more than you as a director.

And they're like, "Well, we gotta trust the audience.

It's keeping the scores down."

Now, I'm not saying it's not valuable

to show your movie to an audience.

You want to know if everyone's confused,

if everyone hates the ending, if it doesn't make sense,

if the audience feels betrayed, like,

"Why would you do that?" like, you don't want that.

You want a story that works.

But what they do is they videotape it.

They audio tape it. They give you these analytics.

I mean, by the way, they're market testing ideas now.

It's not even like, having a script, it's an idea.

There's a company now that will market test a concept.

based on market research on a concept, on a title and a line.

That's how scared people are.

That's how much money -- everyone feels they can be fired

at any moment, so they just want a piece of paper that goes,

"Hey, man, it's not my fault it failed,

because all the testing data,

you would have made the same decision."

That's why sequels and reboots happen.

If you make an original movie and it fails, you're fired.

If you make a reboot and it fails,

how could you know?

Look at these other reboots.

They all worked. It's not my fault.

It was successful.

So that's how every single decision is made.

So even when you make a movie independently --

I mean, it took us two years

to get "Green Inferno" released at all.

It's really, really hard now.

So, the fallacy is the idea

that people know what they want to see before they see it.

All right. Once again, Eli Roth hath spoken.

And I feel like the "Patton" score should have been playing

during that last speech of yours, Eli.

But come back anytime.

Um, uh -- I know what you're thi--

You're thinking, "I'm coming back here? To this?"

[Laughter]

-No, let's do it. Next time, we'll do it in person.

I look forward to it. -All right.

Let's do it in person next time. Great.

Thanks for getting ridiculously nerdy with us, Eli.

We'll see you at the AMC Networks cocktail party.

Please wave to us from the big kids' table, okay?

And now for the stunning conclusion --

actually "conclusions," plural --

to "House by the Cemetery."

Roll the flick.

And, by the way, the trailer for this movie announced,

"Who can survive the demented, marauding zombies?"

So we've got 20 minutes left

to produce demented, marauding zombies.

Something tells me we're not gonna get there, so --

And coming up right now is my favorite line in the movie.

Bob goes to the top of the cellar stairs.

He's just seen Ann's head bounce down the same stairs.

And he says, "Ann! Mommy says you're not dead!"

See, that wouldn't survive the focus group.

-[Laughter] -Thanks for joining us, Eli.

-Awesome. Thanks, Joe Bob. It's my pleasure.

Really, a lifelong dream to do this with you.

♪♪

[Static buzzing]

[Static crackles]

[Door creaking]

[Howling in distance]

[Howling continues in distance]

-Ann! Mommy says you're not dead.

Is that true?

Ann!

You there?!

[Door creaking and closes]

[Gasps]

[Lock clicking]

[Rustling]

-[Gasps]

[Heavy breathing]

[Snarling]

[Heavy breathing and snarling continues]

-[Screams]

Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy!

[Whimpering]

Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Let me out!

[Bob whimpering and crying]

Let me out, Mommy!

-Bob?

-Let me out! I'm in the cellar!

♪♪

Let me out, Mommy!

[Pounding]

-Bob?

-I'm in the cellar! Help!

Let me out! -Bob!

-[Pounding] -What --

-Mommy! Mommy! Open the door for me!

It's scary in here!

-Don't worry, honey. -Mommy!

Let me out of here! I'm scared!

-Stay calm. Mommy will get you out.

-Mommy! Hurry! I'm scared!

Use the key like Daddy did!

I don't wanna stay in here!

-Just a minute. -Let me out!

-I'm coming! -Let me out, Mommy!

-[Pounding] -Mommy!

-Keep calm! -Open the door!

Hurry!

-Okay. I'm -- I'm there.

-[Pounding] -[Sobbing]

-Please. Turn.

-Mommy!

[Bob shouting, muffled]

Open the door!

Mommy, I'm scared!

[Shouting continues]

Let me out of here! Let me out!

♪♪

Mommy, please don't leave me in here!

♪♪

-Come on!

-Mommy! Mommy! Are you there?!

-I know! I know! Wait a minute!

-Mommy!

[Rattling]

-[Grunting]

♪♪

-Why don't you unlock the door?! Unlock it!

[Clattering]

There's someone in here, Mommy!

-[Gasps]

-Somebody is there! Get the door open!

Mommy, hurry!

He's coming to get me.

Mommy! He's coming to get me!

-Bob! Bob!

Oh, God! No!

No!

[Pounding continues]

Bob!

[Crying]

[Footsteps approaching]

-Mommy!

-[Screaming]

-Lucy! -[Sobbing]

-What's the matter? -Mommy! [Screams]

-Is Bob in there? -Yes!

-We gotta get him out right now and leave this house fast.

-What do you mean? -Later.

-Why? -Where's the ax?

Where's the damn ax?!

[Pounding]

-[Gasps] -Bob!

-Yes, Daddy? -Keep away from the door!

-Yep, I will. -[Growling]

♪♪

-Don't worry, Bob. I'll get you out.

-Why? Who's in there? Who's in this house?

-Dr. Freudstein.

[Freudstein wails]

Petersen found out the truth.

That's why -- why he killed himself.

-What? -[Moaning]

-[Muffled] Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

-Bob!

-It was Freudstein that killed Sheila.

♪♪

[Children crying]

[Crying continues]

-[Growls]

-N-o-o-o-o-o!

[Crying continues]

[Heavy breathing]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

-Bob.

-He needs human victims to renew his cells.

That's how he stays alive. -Bob.

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

-Bob!

-Freudstein: Bob.

-Bob!

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling loudly]

♪♪

♪♪

[Breathing heavily]

♪♪

♪♪

[Heavy breathing continues]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

No! No!

[Screaming]

Norman!

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Sobbing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

Bob! Bob, the steps!

Quick! Hurry!

[Grunting]

[Grunting continues]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

[Grunting continues]

♪♪

[Stairs creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts, screams]

No. No!

[Both whimpering]

[Clattering]

-Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

No!

No! Mommy!

Mommy!

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunting continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Panting]

Mae!

-Bob.

-Mae, time to go home.

And remember your manners.

Now that Bob is staying,

show him you can act like a Freudstein.

You know some other guest is surely destined to drop in.

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static buzzes]

And so we end with that profound Henry James quotation --

"No one will ever know whether children are monsters

or monsters are children."

Only Henry James never wrote that.

Lucio Fulci just made it up and put Henry James' name on it,

'cause he'd seen that movie "The Innocents"

based on the Henry James novel "The Turn of the Screw,"

and he just decided, "Well, it's something

Henry James would probably say if he was alive."

My favorite moment in the whole movie

is when Norman and Lucy finally break down the door with the ax

at the top of the cellar stairs.

They know their son has tumbled to the bottom.

They're rushing to his aid.

But, first, they stop for a full five seconds

so Norman can explain to us what's happening.

"He needs human victims to renew his cells.

That's how he stays alive."

And then they resume their headlong run down the stairs.

I guess Norman got this information

sometime during that 200-mile drive back from the cemetery

where he went to find out

that Dr. Freudstein was notburied there.

Anyway, Dr. Freudstein is not

one of the more popular serial killers in horror,

even though I think the whole movie

is those last 10 minutes,

where you see the Freudstein lair

and the tall, scary, armless body of Freudstein

slowly lumbering toward his intended victims

with just an approximation of human features.

I guess he's gotta be, like, 150 years old by this time.

And then after Bob's miraculous escape,

Bob joins Mae in whatever other dimension she lives in,

ruled over, apparently, by Mrs. Freudstein,

and the three of them walk down the Yellow Brick Road

outside the house by the cemetery,

on their way to further

childhood blood-draining adventures.

What does it all mean?

Catriona MacColl, who played Lucy,

has been asked that question numerous times

because she's so often interviewed at horror cons,

and she admits that she has no idea what any of it means.

She says at the time she made these three movies for Fulci,

she was living in Paris

and trying to make it as a legitimate actress,

and so she didn't want anybody to know

that she was even in these movies.

She mostly took the jobs because it meant

spending six or seven weeks in Rome

every time they made a movie.

So, she took them off her résumé, though,

then she was shocked a few years later

when her brother called and said

they were having a big summit in London

led by Mary Whitehouse,

who was sort of the Tipper Gore of England,

and Mary Whitehouse believed that we needed to stop

the moral decay of society,

and so she had picked out 10 movies

that were destroying the moral fiber of England --

and Catriona MacColl starred in two of them!

[Laughs] So, she said she was just humiliated.

And when she goes to horror conventions today,

she always asks the fans, "Okay, now, why exactly

do you think these films are so good?"

The actual house by the cemetery, by the way,

still stands in Scituate, Massachusetts.

It's called Ellis House, and it's a working art gallery.

They have workshops and art classes in there.

And if you've seen Umberto Lenzi's movie

"Ghosthouse," it's also that house.

I'm wondering, though, how often they go into that cellar.

Lucio Fulci suffered from depression

most of his life,

and the '80s didn't help him much.

His next movie after this was "New York Ripper,"

which was met with widespread critical abuse,

and then he had a series of flops --

"Manhattan Baby," "Conquest," "The Devil's Honey."

And by the end of the '80s,

nobody would give him much money for anything else,

and so he was making shoestring pictures,

many of which went straight to video, like "Aenigma,"

"The Ghosts of Sodom," "Demonia," "Door to Silence."

His late-career comeback film was supposed to be "Zombie 3,"

shot in the Philippines,

but he was a lifelong diabetic,

and he had a really bad spell with that,

and others had to take over that shoot.

And then he was preparing a movie called "Wax Mask,"

based on the story of a real-life alchemist

from Naples in the early 1700s

who made wax models from the bodies of his slaves.

It was kind of a mad-doctor movie.

And this was supposed to be a collaboration

between Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci --

the first time they would ever work together,

'cause Fulci had always resented Argento.

But on March 13, 1996,

Fulci passed away at the age of 68,

and they gave the project to Sergio Stivaletti,

and so the resulting movie has nothing to do

with anything Fulci was planning.

"House by the Cemetery"

played grindhouses and drive-ins for a couple of years,

and then it disappeared for a quarter-century

before people started rediscovering it

just within the last 15 years.

And I'm not sure exactly why.

But we'll ask Darcy because --

-Darcy, come on over. -[Cheers and applause]

-Hello. -You -- Oh.

Or should I say, "Lucy, come on over."

[ Laughs ]

-[Bat squeaking] -That's right. Bat action, man.

-Oh, man. You are a "House by the Cemetery" fanatic.

What do you love about "House by the Cemetery"?

-I love the atmosphere. It's just so beautiful.

The meat-sauce factor is awesome.

And Freudstein! Of course!

Oh, and the music.

-The music? Really? -Yeah, I love the music.

-This is one of the few Fulci films

where he does not use Fabio Frizzi,

his usual composer.

-Well, I dig the substitute.

-I'm blanking on his name, but I'll get it for us. The --

-Uh, Walter Rizzati!

-Oh. Thank you, Austin. Walter Rizzati.

I'm surprised -- I'm surprised you know that, Austin,

because you're the world's biggest Fabio Frizzi fan.

You've gone to Fabio Frizzi concerts.

I think the whole crew has gone to these Fabio Frizzi concerts.

-Nice. -Anyway, Darcy,

I agree with you that Freudstein himself is a great monster,

but he's not that popular.

Have you ever been to a con where somebody

dresses up like Freudstein?

-No, but that would be amazing.

I wanted to do it tonight,

but I needed, like, a lot of time and some professional help.

-You need professional help because of the head?

-The whole body.

He's made up of so many different body parts.

-You know, I think people love Fulci

mostly for the gorehound aspects, the kills.

If you toned down the kills in this movie,

you'd reallybe bored by this plot.

-Who would anybody want to do that?

-Well, I'm just making a point about it.

-Okay. Nice point. -[Laughter]

Now, remember last year right before the coronavirus outbreak

when we went to Huntington, New York?

-I do remember that. I remember it well.

I did my show at a sort of non-profit arts center

in Long Island

next door to Walt Whitman's childhood home.

I remember that part of it.

-Well, Glenn Vile was there, and...

-OnLong Island. I should --

I said "in" Long Island. On Long Island.

We were onLong Island.

If you say "in" Long Island, they kill you.

-So, Glenn Vile of Woodhaven, New York,

wanted you to have this very special album.

-Okay. Um...

"Dear Joe Bob and Darcy,

I have not been out of the house since March,

and the last event I went to was the amazing

'How Rednecks Saved Hollywood' show in Huntington, New York."

-Yay. -"Though I have seen many celebs

during my life in New York, I was never interested

in meeting any besides Joe Bob.

A dubious honor to be sure, but I wanted to thank you both

for putting up with my stammering and nerves

when you both graciously and patiently spoke with me,

posed for photos, and made sure I got

all of the stuff I wanted signed."

I hope we didn't give him coronavirus.

'Cause this was before anybody was doing social distancing,

and we had no idea.

"Anyway, at one point in the show,

Joe Bob spoke about 'Thunder Road.'

During the late '90s, early aughts,

there was a resurgence of '60s kitsch,

including exotica, lounge, and other bachelor-pad music

from a time forgotten.

Robert Mitchum released a calypso album

where I first heard 'Thunder Road'

as a bonus track on the re-release.

I don't know if you are aware of this album,

but if not, I hope you'll enjoy it.

I had a boss that was a music professor

from Trinidad and Tobago, and he told me the album

is actually pretty good and authentic for the time.

Now it's my honor to be able to advise you to check it out

and rate the album 4 stars.

Sincerely, Glenn Vile, Woodhaven, New York."

Wow. Look at this.

And it does have -- It's Robert Mitchum.

"Calypso."

Um, It does have "The Ballad of Thunder Road"

as one of the tracks.

I don't think that's a calypso song,

but I use "Thunder Road" in my show

is the reason he sent this.

But these are -- these are great.

I've heard about this.

They say he totally changed his voice and wardrobe and --

You know, calypso is not a tough-guy musical genre,

so this is gonna be great, you know?

But I know some of these songs

like "From a Logical Point of View."

That's a song about how you should only marry a woman

uglier than yourself.

[Laughter]

And "Tic, Tic, Tic."

That's the song about the woman who is suspected

of stealing a watch, but she has no pockets and no sleeves

and the police can't find the watch on her,

but her body is ticking.

Great song. This guy knows what I like.

Thank you, Glenn.

And thank you, Darcy, for fielding all those

angry Eye-talian horror lovers tonight

when I was dissing their heroes. -My pleasure.

-And thank you, Eli Roth, for being Eli Roth.

This is Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you

that the biggest troublemaker you'll ever have to deal with

watches you from the mirror every morning.

The drive-in will never die.

Ah, you know, Darcy, something I've never told you.

-What's that? -I've spent the last 10 years

searching for my girlfriend's killer.

-You have?

-Yeah, I still can't find anybody who wants to do it.

[Laughter]

-Oh, you get the bat...

[Bat squeaking]

[Laughter]

♪♪

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