All language subtitles for W01E02 House by the Cemetery_track3_[eng]

[Static crackles]

♪♪

-You know what
really burns my bacon?

It's when people don't
use the word "y'all"

in a grammatically correct way.

I don't know why
I'm thinking about this.

I think it's because
of all those

hick accents in
the first movie tonight.

They're not speaking
any kind of real accent.

It's not even a Jersey accent,

even though the movie
is set in New Jersey.

They're doing
the "I'll talk this way

so people know I'm stupid"
accent.

And that includes
the word "y'all,"

but they don't know what
the word "y'all" means.

Like, I have a Southern accent.

Actually, I have an
East Texas accent,

which is different from
a West Texas accent

or a South Texas accent
or a Houston accent.

I was actually born in Dallas,

but as far as I know,
there's no such thing

as a Dallas accent.

Dallas is in East Texas,

so it's a mix of
all of the above, really.

So, anyway, a few years back
I was in this movie

where I was supposed to play
a real-life DJ from the '50,

and this particular guy --
Dewey Phillips was his name --

was pretty famous around Memphis

and the Mississippi Delta area
of Tennessee, Arkansas,

and that part of
the Mississippi River

down around Yazoo City.

So nobody could understand why
I needed to practice the accent.

Including the
director of the movie.

He was very happy for me to just
use my East Texas accent

for a guy who
was not from East Texas.

So there's no twang in a
Mississippi Delta accent.

It's less nasal, it's
a little bit more musical

than East Texas.

And you would think somebody
making a major motion picture

would want the real deal, right?

So -- man alive,
I'm forgetting what

we came here to do.

The movie tonight is
"House by the Cemetery."

Eli Roth is back for
a second visit

because he's a huge fan
of director Lucio Fulci,

and so we're going deep, deep,
deep into Eye-talian horror

with the help of
Darcy the Mail Girl,

who is here to field your
tweets, your emails,

your incoherent phone calls,

and anything else you
wanna send our way.

-Darcy, why don't you have
a Charleston accent?

-I don't know, y'all.

-See, you used it wrong.

You just used "y'all" wrong.

You've been in LA too long.
You've abandoned your roots.

-[Exaggerated accent] My roots?

It comes out when I'm angry.

-Oh, I have noticed that.

I like your -- you're now a mail
girl slash camp counselor.

Aww.

-Emphasis on "slash."

-But anyway,
I got cast in this movie

and so what I did finally
is I went to Sam Chwat.

Sam Chwat was this
New York City accent expert.

He could actually do the accents
of any place in America.

He could, like,
start on the East Coast

and go clear out to
the West Coast

and tell you what the accent is
every 200 miles.

And then he had these file cards

with all kinds of
fancy diacritical marks on 'em,

and you would go in to his
office and Sam would teach you

all the vowel sounds you need
and all the consonants

that were different from normal,

and you would talk this way
for about two hours

and it would be recorded so
you could play it back later.

And then he said that if you
talked that way in public 24/7

for about two weeks,
you would nail the accent

and you could
do the role perfectly.

This alwaysworked.

Of course, most actors
didn't care about it.

They just did the "I'm stupid,
so I'll talk like this" accent.

You know --
[Exaggerated hick accent]

"I'm stupid, so I'll
talk like this," you know?

It was only guys like
Robert Duvall who cared --

Robert Duvall has the most
convincing East Texas accent

for a guy who's
not from East Texas

that I've ever heard.

He actually grew up in
Annapolis, Maryland,

and spent most of his life
in New York City,

but he can nail
any Southern accent.

But the reason actors don't care

is that the
movie industry doesn't care.

They'll put a Texas accent
in movies about Georgia.

They'll put a Mississippi accent
in movies about the Carolinas.

And usually, when they
set something in Florida,

they don't even use
a Southern accent at all,

even though everything in
the state outside of Miami

is Southern to the core.

A true Florida accent
is very distinctive.

But the thing that
makes me wince

more than any other thing

is when people are trying to
be friendly to a Southerner

and so they'' start using
"y'all" all the time.

So listen up, people,

I'm gonna explain this
one time and one time only.

"Y'all" is a second-person
plural pronoun.

It means "you all."

It means "all of you."

It means more than one person.

A Southerner would never
walk up to one person

and say, "How y'all doing?"

There would have to be
at least twopeople there.

So when a non-Southerner
says to a Southerner,

"How are y'all?"
it sounds really stupid.

Hethinks that he's using
a cute, little synonym

for the word "you."

Hell, no.

He just doesn't know
there's such a thing

as a second-person plural.

Southern speech has
a second-person plural.

Northern and
Western speech do not.

In the North, you say "you,"
no matter whether

you're talking about one person
or two people or 100 people.

I might make an exception
for Brooklyn.

There used to be the expression
in Brooklyn -- "youse guys."

That was
the second-person plural.

I don't hear that in Brooklyn
anymore, but I think that's only

because the people in Brooklyn
aren't from Brooklyn.

Anyway, Southern speech
has more words in it.

It's more specific.
It's different.

We like it that way, so

if you don't know how to use it,
then don't use it.

Or, as we say in East Texas --

"Y'all!

Stop it!"

Okay.

When I first saw this movie in
about 1984 at the drive-in,

I knew it was from Europe,
because I had learned

how to spot the fake names,

but I didn't really know
wherein Europe.

The director was using
the name Lewis Fuller,

but of course we now know
it was made by Lucio Fulci.

I've asked various people, "Why
did the Italian directors of

the '70s and '80s constantly
revise the credits

to take out the Italian names

and make sure all the signs
were in English

and shoot exteriors to
make us think the story

took place in
the United States?"

This story, by the way,
is set in a fictional town

called New Whitby,
Massachusetts,

which is actually
Concord, Massachusetts,

and the spooky house is
in Scituate, Massachusetts,

and our special guest
Eli Roth grew up

in Newton, Massachusetts,

which is halfway between
Concord and Scituate.

So, who knows, maybe that has
something to do with

why he idolizes the film.

But of course, they didn't
really film it in Massachusetts,

they shot it at
De Paolis Studios in Rome,

which we've talked about
many times on this show.

Cinecitta was
the realRome studio,

that's the MGM of Italy,

and De Paolis was the place
where they made cheapies.

It was destroyed in
a World War II air raid

but they kept filming,
they never closed.

Talk about your
devoted B-movie guys.

Anyway, I've asked this
question repeatedly --

why were you guys so intent
on disguising your identities

and disguising the fact that
the films were Italian?

And the answer seems to be that
they just didn't think

anything that came out of Italy

could be commercial
with American audiences,

and they craved
those American audiences.

Even though it's the nation
of Fellini, Bertolucci,

Vittorio de Sica,
Antonioni, Rossellini,

Zeffirelli, Sergio Leone,
Mario Bava,

Lina Wertmuller,
the Taviani brothers.

I mean, didn't we Americans
go to all of their films?

Not to mention all the
Italian-American directors --

Scorsese,Coppola,
Frank Capra, Abel Ferrara,

Sylvester Stallone,
Brian de Palma,

Vincente Minnelli,
Joe Barbera of Hanna-Barbera,

Robert Zemeckis.

I mean, it's really hard
to make the argument

that Americans don't like Italy,
Italians,

or Italian films
or Italian filmmakers.

Nevertheless,
that was the belief

when "House by the Cemetery"
came out,

and so they scrubbed
all the Italian names,

tried to make you believe
everyone was speaking English

even when the dubbing
is atrocious,

and you get this
quirky quality to the films

made by Italians but distributed
in the United States

during the '70s and the '80s.

Okay, now,
listen to me, people.

They're not as good as
the American films

that were being made
at the same time.

There. I said it.

I'm gonna get attacked from 974
different directions

tonight, tomorrow,
and into the distant future,

because there's this thing
among horror fans,

Italian horror is sacred.

They're not as good, people.

They're fun.
They're interesting,

They sometimes make sense.

Not tonight they don't,
but sometimes they do.

And one reason I'm really glad
to have Eli Roth

here with me tonight is that

he's a true
Italian horror aficionado.

He loves those movies.

He loves Lucio Fulci,
so he's gonna explain it to me.

In the meantime,

I'll just set up
"House by the Cemetery"

by saying that
Fulci kicks off this movie

by having a girl get
a knife plunged through

the back of her head,
emerging out of her mouth,

and after that,
it gets grisly.

Our typical American family --

which is, in fact, one British
actor and two Italian actors --

move to the new England house
where some guy apparently

killed his girlfriend
and then committed suicide,

and pretty soon, their
little, cherubic, blond son

starts seeing visions of a
spooky Sissy Spacek kinda girl

who tells him,
"Don't go in the house,"

making her point by cutting
the heads off all her dolls

and making blood pour out
of their bodies.

Daddy gets attacked by a huge,
blood-sucking, slime-spewing bat

in the cellar,

Mom finds a grave under
the floor while cleaning

and asks the question,

"Do we have to live with
a tomb in our hallway?"

And Dad says, "Yes,
of course we do."

It's a Lucio Fulci movie.

All the homes in New England
have indoor tombs.

I won't go into any more
of the so-called plot,

because we're gonna deep-dive it
when Eli gets out here,

so I'll just do
the Drive-In Totals

and we'll get rolling.

We have -- 9 dead bodies.

1 dead bat.

2 breasts.

12 gallons blood.

An 83 on the Vomit Meter.

1 throat-cutting, slow motion,
ear-to-ear, 3 times.

Slow-mo crowbar body impalement.

Fire poker to the kidney,
stomach, and carotid artery.

One self-decapitating,
bloody mannequin.

Bloody operating table,
with body parts.

Disembodied, glowing eyes.

One-legged doll fondling.

Throat-ripping.

Multiple crying children.

Extended rabid bat attack,
with sharp-scissor surgery.

2 heads roll.

Hand rolls.

Underground meat locker.

Maggots in the throat.

Slime glopola, lizard-face,
genetic DNA creature attack.

Gratuitous Lucio Fulci
in an acting role.

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for --

Silvia Collatina as
the spooky psychic girl.

Dagmar Lassander

as the Realtor who keeps backing
over tombstones in her Jeep.

Catriona MacColl as the
pill-popping, neurotic wife

who fails to understand
why she has to

live in a dilapidated house
full of murder memories.

Ania Pieroni as
the catatonic babysitter.

Paolo Malco as Norman,

the clueless researcher who
flirts with the babysitter

and destroys evidence.

Three stars.

Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

Darcy, I'll ask you first --

Do you understand the plot of
"House by the Cemetery"?

-I don't think anyone does.

-But you like it?
-I love it.

Eli will understand
the plot, see,

because that's why Eli's here.

-Yay, so excited for that.

-They call this the culmination

of the Lucio Fulci
"Gates of Hell" trilogy.

-Yes, they do.

-Even though
the other two movies

have nothing to do with this one

and I don't think there are
any gates of Hell.

-No, there are not.

-And you love it?
-I love it.

-Are we speaking
the same language?

-I'll explain it to you later.

-Ah, I'm sure you will.

[Laughing]

[Static buzzes]

[Animal howling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Steve?

Steve, are you dressed?

Hey, come on. It's late.
I gotta get home.

I don't want to be put
on restriction again.

Steve?

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking continues]

♪♪

[Squeaking]

♪♪

Steve?

Are you there?

Listen, if you're trying
to scare me,

I don't think it's very funny!

This place gives me the creeps.

Steve, I warn you. I'll never
come here with you again!

Steve, come on. Where are you?

[Squeaking continues]

Hey, if you don't quit it,

I swear I'm gonna split
without you!

Steve!

Steven, where are you?
Please answer me.

[Squeaking continues]

Steve!

[Footsteps]

♪♪

[Door creaking]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking stops]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Bob? Bob?

Bob, where are you?

Bob?

[Sighs]

Honey, you still have
to pack away your toys.

Now, which ones
you gonna take with you?

Bob, I'm talking to you.

Bob!

Bob, will you please wake up?

When Daddy gets home, we g--

-Mommy?

-What's the matter?

-Mommy, why does that girl
keep telling me

I shouldn't go there?

♪♪

♪♪

-What girl, Bob?

-The one standing at the window
in that house.

♪♪

-At the window, huh?

[Airplane passing overhead]

-[Sighs]

Look, we don't have time
to play games now, honey.

Daddy will be home any minute.

Now where's the --

-Yeah, I guess
she had something to do.

-Let's just say you never saw
her in the first place, right?

-Yes, I did. I saw her face.

She was waving,
and I could read her mouth.

-And did she
say anything to you?

-Yep.

She said that I shouldn't
go over there.

Why did she say that, Mommy?

-Well, I don't know, Bobby.

Maybe because she didn't
want you

to have to pack away your toys
the way you were supposed to.

-[Laughs]
-Come on, lazy bones.

Get the lead out.
[Siren wailing in distance]

-I wasn't tricking you, Mommy.
Honest.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

-Mae.

♪♪

Mae.

Time to go, Mae.

Time to go home.

♪♪

-No. I can't go now.

It's important.

I can't.

[Siren wailing in distance]

-I'm leaving tomorrow.

Lucy still hasn't
made up her mind.

-You have a lot
of guts picking up the reins

of someone else's research

at its most critical point
like this.

-[Chuckles] Especially
when that someone else

was a scientist of
Eric Petersen's caliber.

-Well, I'll tell you, Boyle.

You're the only man
who can keep this project

from going down the drain.

I mean, apart from
the $5,000 more

you're going to be
earning a year,

you were Petersen's protégé,

and also, I believe,
one of his best friends.

And I know you're itching
to clear up his suicide.

Tough one to explain,

but I know you'll get
to the bottom of it.

-Well, I'll try.

-The important thing is,

when this huge project
gets published,

it'll have just your name on it.

Think what authorship can mean.

-Yeah. Publish...or Podunk.

-[Chuckles] Yeah.

Why do you think Eric would have
done in Sheila like that?

-Well, I don't know. No idea.

-Apprehensions?

-Yeah.

It's scary.

He organized the project,
got it under way.

-That he did.

-And then, for no reason,
abandoned everything.

Slaughtered his mistress and...

-And there he was,
researching suicide.

[Sighs] The times
we have to live in.

Taxi!

Well, Boyle,
when school is over,

I'll drive up there
and see you.

New Whitby. I adore New England.

-I'll be looking forward
to it, sir.

Bye-bye.

-[Imitating engine]

-Norman! Why my plants?

Penny's gonna water them!

-They're pretty.

-Oh, for God's sake,
New England's full of plants.

-[Imitating engine continues]
-Be careful. Give it to me.

-I don't trust Penny.
-I'll take it.

-What do you think?
Everything here?

-I think everything's here,

but I really don't know
how we're gonna fit it all in.

-Think positive.

-By the way, have you been
to see Mrs. Petersen?

-Nah. No need to.

All his reference material
is right there in the library.

-Well, after all,
he was a colleague of yours.

-Let's just say we worked
in the same field.

-But, darling,
you could have at least

gone to pay your condolences.

-What do you say to a widow
whose husband had another woman,

and one fine day slaughtered
that other woman,

after which he hanged himself?

♪♪

[Car doors close]

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-Then after Mommy changed
her mind for the 10th time,

the place was already rented.

-My fault, huh?

-So where we gonna live?

-In an even nicer place,
thanks to Professor Muller.

Otherwise,
you'd sleep in a tent.

-I wish!

[Siren wailing in distance]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Train horn blowing]

[Bell dinging]

♪♪

-Ahh! Welcome to New Whitby.
-Tired?

-[Chuckles] A little nervous.

-Come on, you're gonna love it.

Smell that country air.

♪♪

[Wind whistling]

[Knife slashes]

[Bones cracking]

♪♪

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering]

-No. No! Don't do it.

♪♪

-There's the agency.

-Stay right where you are, Bob.
We'll be back in a minute, okay?

-Will you get me some candy?

-After dinner,
if you're a good boy.

[Motor whirring]

-[Imitating engine]

-Oh, I'm so late. I'm sorry.

Mr. and Mrs. Boyle?
-Yes.

-How do you do?
-Hi.

-I'm Laura Gittleson.
-Nice to meet you.

-Okay, well,
you can already start

to fill this out and sign it.

Sit down, please.

I'm gonna get the keys
for you, okay?

I don't know exactly
where I put them, but I...

Ah, yes.

Anyway, you can move
in as soon as you want.

We haven't had much time
to clean it up.

I'm sure you two will find it
very comfortable.

Your predecessor
was neat as a pin.

They did tell you it was
the same house, didn't they?

In any case, poor Dr. Petersen

had been there
such a short while.

-Uh, that's on one month's rent.

-[Chuckles] Of course
you've been there before,

haven't you, Dr. Boyle?

-No.

-Get the keys, Harold,
would you, please?

-What keys?

Ahh. The Freudstein keys.

-Oak Mansion, Harold.

-Yeah, sure, okay. Oak Mansion.

Yeah. Excuse me, John.

I didn't mean to keep you
waiting there.

-Well, how do you find
our little village?

It's not exactly New York,

but I'm sure you'll
grow to like it.

-I hope so.

[Wind whistling]

[Motor whirring]

-Bob?

Bob?

I'm here.

Behind you.

On the other side of the street.

-Hello.
-Hello.

My name is Mae.

I've been expecting you.

-My name is Bob.

My daddy's here
to do some research.

-Yeah, I know.

However, I thought I told you
very clearly not to come.

-I did my best, only Mommy
wouldn't listen to me.

Parents never listen.
They always do what they want.

-You shouldn't have come, Bob.

[Bell dings]

-So, now,
you two just follow me.

-Okay.
-That's my car there.

-Where's --

-Hmm?

-[Sighs]

-Mrs. Gittleson,
hold on a second.

Go.

-Bob!
-Mommy! Mommy!

I saw the girl
from the old house.

-Why did you get
out of the car?

-See the doll she gave me
to play with?

-Everything all right?

-She wanted to talk.
She lives here, too.

-I told you to stay there,
not to move.

-But she called to me!

-What else? Oh.

They promise to come by Friday

at the latest
to hook the phone up.

I guess that about does it.

-Thank you very much.
-Not at all. My pleasure.

Well, I hope you enjoy your stay
and your research, Mr. Boyle.

-Thank you. I hope so, too.

-And don't worry.

As soon as I get back to town,
I'll find you that babysitter.

-That's very kind of you.

-If there's anything else,
you know where to find me.

-Okay.

[Engine starts]

-Damn tombstones.

-Well, house in the woods,
quiet.

-You're right.

-Shades of Walden Pond.

-Norman?
-Yeah?

-This house is exactly
like the one

in the old photo in New York.

-Yes, it's possible.

It's a typical example
of the local architecture.

There are probably hundreds
of houses like it in the area.

♪♪

You ready?

Don't you want
to unload the car?

You got six months
to contemplate nature.

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Imitating engine]

And they're on
the starting line!

[Imitating engine]
And they're revving up!

[Imitating engine]
And they're off!

[Imitating engine]

-Ah, there we go.

Now we have water
in the kitchen.

-You know, I was thinking,

maybe Bob and I should
have stayed in New York.

-Oh, for God's sake. Again?

Stop with this. Please.

-[Clicks tongue] Yeah.

After all, six months
goes by real quick, doesn't it?

-Hey, come on.
Don't you remember?

We decided
it would be a vacation.

I do my research, and you
and Bob, you can go out.

It's beautiful.

-Great place for a vacation,
isn't it?

[Sighs]

-Listen, honey.

It means another
$5,000 per year.

Do you realize?

We can refurnish the apartment
in New York.

♪♪

♪♪

What's the matter?
It's only a doll.

[Clattering]

-Bob's always bringing
home that trash!

-You're just tired, darling.

You really should
take those pills

Joe Baker prescribed.

-Why do you keep telling me
to go on with those pills?

I feel fine.
I never felt better.

-They'll calm down your nerves.

-My nerves are fine
the way they are!

And besides, I read somewhere

that those pills can
provoke hallucinations.

-[Bob imitating engine]

-Are you sure?

Well...

you can't say the house
isn't quaint.

I guess this must be the cellar.

-And Mrs. Gittleson
had the door nailed shut.

Quaint.

-Say the word,
and I'll open it for you.

-No.

Go and fix the rooms first.

Tonight I'd rather sleep
in a real bed.

Wouldn't you?

-[Bob imitating engine]

-Alright.

[Thud]

[Motor whirs]

Bob.

-Bob!

Look, it's time
for your nap, honey.

-No! I want to play!

-Don't whine.

[Toy car whirring]

[Toy car crashes]

[Wheels spinning]

♪♪

Hi.
-Hi.

Are you Mrs. Boyle?

-Yes.

-Mrs., uh, Mrs. Gittleson
sent me over.

I'm Ann, the babysitter.

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, Eli, we really need
you this time, because --

Eli Roth, ladies and gentlemen,
once was not enough.

He's back for a second feature.

We really need you
because I happen to know,

based on public statements
that you've made,

that Lucio Fulci is one
of your favorite directors.

Would you say he's a genius?
-Genius.

Fulci is an underappreciated,
underrated genius.

I mean, I rarely say that
about certain directors,

but I've watched
his entire filmography.

What he's done in so many ways,

I think that Fulci is
a true master of cinema,

and truly one of
the most underappreciated

if not themost underappreciated
maybe, next to Joe d'Amato,

of underappreciated geniuses

of Italian cinema
and world cinema.

-Okay, then, perfect, because as
we go through this movie,

we're going to need you
to explain to us

what's going on in the movie,

or at least I'm
going to need you.

And these are
not idle questions.

These are not questions because
I wasn't paying attention.

I was paying attention.

I've watched the movie
several times by now.

So, first up,
why is the family --

Norman, Lucy,
their angelic little boy, Bob --

why are they going to the house
in the first place

and staying six months?

What is their mission?

-I think he's
writing a book there.

Isn't that what
he's going to do that?

-There's -- I don't think so.

There's a little mention
of "researching suicide."

and he gets paid
an extra $5,000 for something.

-I believe he's going
there to do research.

He has a discussion with
Lucio Fulci on the street,

and Fulci himself explains it.

I never really
thought about it that much.

I'm more thinking about
Paolo Malco's trench coat

that he wears.

-Yeah. It's a great trench coat.

But I'm fuzzy on exactly
why he decides to

uproot his whole family
from their New York apartment

for some ambiguous research
project about his house.

-The person to really ask is
Dardano Sachetti

and Elisa Briganti
the screenwriters.

and they were just
these incredible --

I mean, they wrote
"Zombie" with Fulci.

They were, like,
regular writers.

They wrote so many movies.

They would basically
write a script a week,

so they may have forgotten
to add that detail.

-Okay.

See, the reason I'm asking
these questions is,

we have a lot of hardcore horror
fans who watch these shows

and they believe that Fulci,
Argento, Umberto Lenzi,

Deodato, Lamberto Bava,

that all these Italian directors

are better than
the American directors,

that their movies
are more interesting,

their stories are better, the
cinematic experience is better.

You would probably
agree with that, right?

-It's a completely
different sensibility.

I mean, the American directors
are coming from the 1950s.

You look at John Carpenter,
Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper --

their sensibility are
the Roger Corman movies,

the AIP films, that's what's
informing their sensibilities.

The Italians are all coming out
of spaghetti westerns,

and they were kind of
following the giallo films.

They're following
the American slasher films,

but they're doing it with

a completely different
sensibility.

The way the music is done,
the way the violence is done,

and the dubbing
and the European actors.

You know, the shots,
the zooms into the eyes.

This is all stuff that goes back
into the spaghetti westerns,

from that period of cinema
in the late '60s films.

So I don't look at it as
one is better than the other.

I just look at, these are
the sensibilities

that inform this
American wave of horror,

and this is what
informed the Italians.

-And yet that they all say
that they were copying

American movies when they did
their own Italian movies.

-But there's
an amazing relationship

between American
and Italian films.

If you think about it, the
Americans did the 1950s.

Well then here comes
Sergio Corbucci, he's like,

"Okay, let's use,"
and Sergio Leone.

What they did was they
put on screen violence.

You weren't allowed to show

blood shooting out of
a chest in America,

but in Italy, you could do that,

so all of the sudden,
Sam Peckinpah comes along.

He's like, "Well, we're
gonna do that here."

Things start to change in 1968.

He does "The Wild Bunch."

All of the sudden,
you have the film rats coming.

You have Martin Scorsese now.

Now Scorsese's influenced by
a lot of different things,

but then the Italians
start watching it.

Well, what do they start doing?

They start making
their own crime films.

Those are the giallo films.

Those come from the yellow crime
paperback films,

which were done
previously in Germany.

Germany had done giallo films,

then they had this
wealth of movies that

all of a sudden,
between 1970 and 1975,

like, a hundred
giallo films are made.

Obviously, "The Bird
with the Crystal Plumage,"

Mario Bava kicks it off.

Then "Deep Red," 1975 is
kind of another bookend of it.

But then the American
slasher films, they're like,

"Okay, let's do what they
did in the giallo films."

So they start taking
the point of view.

Now John Carpenter's
point of view

comes from Mario Bava's
"Bay of Blood."

That kind of creates the
floating camera point of view.

So you have Carpenter
taking from an Italian

but also from Bob Clark's
"Black Christmas" in 1974.

He's originally called the movie
"Black Halloween," like --

there was a whole thing
that they were going to do.

So Carpenter is taking
from Bob Clark,

and he's also taking
from the Italians,

and he does his own thing.

"Halloween" becomes
the biggest hit.

In Italy, at the same time,

they're dong
Italian sex comedies --

commedia sexy all'italiana.

Dagmar Lassander,
who plays the realtor,

is in a film called
"Viva la Foca."

She's in a lot of those movies.
There's a lot of crossover.

And then "Porky's"
sort of takes the formula

from the Italian sex comedies
and they do their own thing.

So you have the two cultures

so intertwined
and influencing each other,

but the Italian films
would change the title,

change the names
of the directors.

You know, Sergio Leone
was called Bob Robertson.

I mean, like, these...

You had nine different names
for these directors.

So they were made to try and be
American films, but as a kid,

you thought you were just
renting an normal movie,

but there was something
completely off about it.

So I think that what you had
was they were making movies

in Italy, sold to the world
market, dubbed in English

with Europeans speaking
English language,

and then redubbed by actors,
but in a weird way,

it gives them this
otherworldly quality,

like they come
from another planet,

and it's kind of
a beautiful planet to be on.

-Eli, that was the most

brilliant,
complicated explanation.

-Sorry,
that's the short version.

-No, I love it. That was great.

That's the most serious
explanation I've ever heard

about the relationship between

Italian and
American horror films.

And you mentioned the dubbing
of the European actors.

That was always the giveaway

that you had an international
film on your hands.

Once somebody
opened their mouths

and the wrong voice came out.

-In Italy, it was illegal
to use synchronized sound.

-Really?

-When Mussolini took over
the film industry,

you would have a person from
the government in the booth

watching the dubbing.

That was to make sure there was

nothing subversive and
anti-government in the films.

So what happened was,
during World War II,

people got used to the dubbing.

So then all of the sudden,

you had all these
international, European actors,

but like,
"Yeah, there's that same guy

that does the cop voice."

-That's true.

-There were like
three or four voice actors

that do all of the movies,

so they give them this kind of
otherworldly quality.

Now, that continued.

They didn't even soundproof
the studios

until "Gangs of New York."

Before that, everyone just got
so used to the non-sync sound.

-I did not know that
that was the reason.

You know,
another question I have

about the movie
that we're watching --

who are the two people
killed in the opening scene?

Those are not the people
that Fulci is talking about

when he's walking down
Central Park West

with Norman and he's saying
that a guy named Peterson

murdered his mistress and
then killed himself, right?

These are totally
unrelated murders

in the first 10 minutes
of the movie.

There's the murders we see,

and then the ones
that motivate Norman

to go to the house
in the first place.

Any explanation?

-Yeah, it's 1981.

Lucio Fulci's
directing a horror movie.

Therefore, horny teenagers
must be sacrificed

in order for the movie to start.

-Oh, okay.

But then what exactly is Norman?

They're walking in front of
the New York Historical Society,

so is he a historian...

of houses?

He's a house historian?

-I feel like he's something
like a historian or a doctor,

and like, in Italy, they would
use the general term "doctore,"

but I think he's a historian.

That's why there's
a lot of library

and there's elbow patches
and turtlenecks.

-Alright.

But is a total coincidence
that the house they move into

is the same house
they had in a picture

on the wall of
their apartment in New York?

-Well, I always took
that as, like,

"That's the house
that we're gonna go to,

and let's just put it up
on the wall, like,

to get ready
in anticipation of the trip."

-Oh, right.
'Cause everybody does that.

Alright, is Ann the babysitter
supposed to look

exactly like the mannequin
in the store window

that loses its bloody head?

-When you see
the bloody mannequin,

that is foreshadowing

what's going to happen to
Ann the babysitter.

-Okay.

Now that we've
cleared all that up,

we still have unfinished
business from the first movie,

'cause I want you
to give me your opinion

on the final kills
in "Mother's Day,"

starting with Addley

Spike to the head, claw hammer
to the groin, suffocation.

-The hit in the nuts,
10 out of 10,

because you see a ball fall.

That was, like, a 10.

That was the best.

That, for me, was
the best moment in the movie.

And then Ike getting
the television,

'cause he always
wanted to be on TV,

we thought was great and ironic.

-And finally, Ma, smothered
with inflatable party tits.

What are your thoughts
on party tits?

-You know,
I understood the symbolism.

My dad being
a Freudian psychiatrist,

we had
a long discussion about it.

I was always underwhelmed,
but I also realized later,

if you're filming
with an older actress,

there's only so much you can do,

and probably, you know,
casting a mold of someone's head

or having them do a stunt...

I was always underwhelmed
by the breasts,

but now I appreciate it,
'cause they went subtle.

Not something you expect
the movie to do.

-So, you have have even
found a way to justify

the inflatable boobs
as a murder weapon.

-Look, I sat there with
Charles Kaufman

and they discussed it.

They were like,
"How should the mother die?

She suffocates her children.

She should be suffocated by
the mother's breasts.

-Okay. I'll buy it, Eli.

Only because it's you.

Roll the film.

You know, you're about the same
age as Giovanni Frezza,

the angelic boy, Bob,
and all these outdoor scenes

were filmed right where
you grew up in Newton.

You could have been Bob!

-I've looked up all
the kids from those movies

to figure out how old
I was at the time of it

and if I could find them today
to put them in movies.

-They should have
at least let you dub Bob.

It's notorious as one of the
worst child voice dubbing jobs

in film history.

When Giovanni Frezza
appears at conventions,

he always apologizes for it.

"Not my fault. Not my voice."
You know.

And even worse, they dubbed his
voice in the Italian version.

You know, that's got
to be embarrassing.

Italians think
everything should be dubbed.

They sometimes
don't even record sound.

You know,
"We'll just do that later."

[Static buzzes]

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

[Footsteps approaching]

[Animal howling in distance]

[Floorboard creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Creak]

♪♪

[Child crying in distance]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

[Creak]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

[Creaks]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Whimpers softly]

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Creaking]

[Creaking, clattering]

♪♪

[Creaking continues]

♪♪

[Creaking, clattering]

-Ann.

[Gasps]

[Squeaking]

♪♪

No, hon, it's alright.
You keep the car.

-But you'll need it to get home.

Really, it's okay.
I can take a bus.

-But they only leave
once an hour,

and you'll have the groceries.

-I don't have much to get,
and I feel like a walk.

-Who can argue?
Okay, I'll keep the car.

-Hi.

-Who was it?

-Mrs. Gittleson.
She didn't see me.

Or she turned the other way
on purpose.

-Or maybe you need glasses.

-Maybe.

-Are you on top of it?

-Yeah. I feel
a little bit better now

that I know that Ann's
looking after Bob.

-A candlelight dinner.
-Okay.

-[Sighs]

-In the last two months,

not only did he come in
less and less,

but he acted differently.

I had the impression he, uh,

was growing obsessively
jealous of Sheila.

Dr. Boyle?
-Yeah?

-You will pardon
my indiscretion.

-Please.

-What was he so eager
to discuss with you back then?

-Back when?

-When you came to visit him
with your daughter.

Don't you remember?
Last October, I think it was.

-I never paid a visit
to Dr. Petersen.

In fact,
this is the first time

that I've set foot in this town.

-Are you sure?

-Yes, of course. Positive.

And then, I have a son,
not a daughter.

-Strange. I could have sworn --

-Mr. Wheatley, you called me.

-Ah!
Our precious Daniel Douglas.

If you need any
books, documents,

reference material of any kind,

feel free to call
on our Mr. Douglas.

-Thank you.

-[Clears throat]

Everything's the way
Dr. Petersen left it.

Those are his notes.

I didn't dare move any of
his material. [Chuckles]

[Clears throat]

Are you going to carry on
Dr. Petersen's research?

-Of course.

-[Chuckling]
Well, over here you'll find

all the medical reports,

death certificates
and lists of missing persons.

-What did Petersen need
that material for?

-[Chuckling] I don't know.

He asked me to get it.

I told him that --
[Clears throat]

the, uh, material
wasn't pertinent.

-And?
-And...

he answered...

that he was doing
a little private research.

Do you know anything about it?

-No.

But knowing Petersen, I'm sure
it's something fascinating.

-[Clears throat]

Well...
-[Chuckles]

-If you need me,
I'm in the next room.

-Thank you.

-You know where, uh,
he hanged himself?

There.

From that railing.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Do you know who
that lady is, Bob?

She was the wife
of Dr. Freudstein.

-Who's Dr. Freudstein?

-Only it's all a lie.
-What's all a lie?

-She's really not buried there.

Oh, I know.

She's not buried here.

♪♪

♪♪

-"June 7, 1879.

Dr. Jacob Allan Freudstein
is hereby suspended

from the medical association

and banned from practicing the
medical profession for life."

[Hollow thud]

-[Sighs]

[Clattering]

[Gasps]

[Soft growling]

-[Screeching]
-[Gasps]

[Creaking, clattering]

[Creaking]

Bob?

Ann?

Is that you?

Bob?

Ann?

Bob!

[Pounding]

Ann!

[Pounding]

[Child crying]

[Growling]

Ann?

[Clattering and crying continue]

[Low growling, clattering]

[Crying continues]

[Objects shattering]

-[Screaming]

[Vehicle approaches]

[Door opens, closes]

-Yoo-hoo!

I'm home.

Lucy?

Lucy?

-[Lucy sobbing]

[Sobbing continues]

-Lucy!

What in God's name...

What's wrong?

Lucy.

-[Sobbing continues]

Lucy.

[Static crackles]

-Sobbing in
the corner of the bedroom,

that's Catriona MacColl,
the British actress who was in

all three of Lucio Fulci's
most famous films,

the so-called "Gates of Hell"
trilogy.

The other two were
"City of the Living Dead"

and "The Beyond".

I actually think
he made that title up.

"Yes, I was making a trilogy."

Dario Argento used to
do the same thing.

-I did the same thing.

My "Travel" trilogy.

Made that up.

-I guess that idea is
to give more weight to films

that really didn't have anything
to do with one another.

There are fans who say
it should really be

the "Gates of Hell" quadrilogy.

Is that a word?

Because Fulci made "Zombie,"
which he called "Zombie 2,"

which was also called
"Zombie Flesh Eaters,"

back in 1979,
before the other three movies,

and thatmovie
probably is his best film.

All these movies, by the way,

were written by
Dardano Sacchetti,

who was kind of
the go-to screenwriter

for many directors in Rome.

And also Elisa Briganti
gets a story credit.

She had written
one of my favorites,

"1990: The Bronx Warriors,"

and she was
married to Sacchetti,

so I think they
collaborated often.

So, Eli, did you ever
meet Lucio Fulci?

-I never got to meet Fulci.

He passed away
before I got to meet him.

I'm very friendly with
his daughter Antonella,

and I've had dinner with her
and been to her house,

and she's showed me a lot of her
old father's stuff that she had.

But it's funny, because
when we were making

"Hostel" and "Hostel 2,"

before we do a kill scene
in "Hostel,"

we would all get together
and have a seance

and say "We are here to channel
the spirit of Lucio Fulci.

Lucio, if you're here with us,
please come to the set."

We would actually, like,
before a kill scene, do that.

-Wow. Eli, so you would --
you would do a seance

to channel Fulci every time
you did a kill scene?

-And Quentin would do that.

Quentin told me that he would
do that on "Kill Bill,"

he would channel the spirit
of whoever, Sergio Leone,

going, "Please give me guidance
during this scene.

Like, we're looking to you,
master."

And I would do that.

I would say, "Lucio Fulci,
please help me guide.

Help us do a beautiful kill
in honor of you.

We love your work.

I'm gonna thank you
in the credits."

And we did, and his daughter
watched the movie

and said, "I felt my father's
spirit was with you."

That actually happened
before I met her,

and that's how
I became friends with her.

-Wow. Okay.

Well, you know, Fulci was
known as a so-called

"difficult" personality.

Catriona MacColl said
she was never on a set

where there was
so much screaming.

Fulci screaming, but also
all the people on his crew

screaming at one another
between the takes.

She just thought it was funny.

She's British, you know?

She just wrote it off as,
"Oh, they're being Italian."

Something tells me there's
no screaming on your sets, Eli.

-No, you can't.

I mean, look,
it's obviously a different time

and a different culture.

I allow myself to yell
once a shoot, if necessary.

I was a camp counselor,
and it's the same thing --

you can't scream at the kids.

You've got to be like, patient.

You've got to get everyone,

you've got to keep
the train moving forward.

David Lynch gave me
the best advice --

he's like, "Keep your eye on
the donut, not the hole.

The donut is
the 24 frames of information

recorded per second,
and everything else,

all the other bullshit,
that's the hole,

and you can get
sucked right into it.

It's a vacuum.

Your job is director.

Eye on the donut, not the hole."

And I kind of give that mantra
to the crew and to the cast,

and if I feel that things
are starting to --

I go, "Eye on the donut,"

and everyone snaps to, and
you're like, "You're right.

Let's get the shot."

And I've noticed that
when people work hard

and feel great about a movie,
that's what they really want.

That's the most rewarding thing.

-Well, you know,
if David Lynch said it,

it must be, like,
a Zen Buddhist thing,

'cause he's a Zen Buddhist.

Well, this is one of those
movies where they have

an international cast.

And you've worked with an
international cast.

Do you ever dub people
because their English is bad,

just for that reason?

Or just let them
speak their own language

and then dub it
into English later?

-You know, I like to give actors
the opportunity to do it.

And there was one time
on a movie I produced

that the lead actress
had a very scratchy voice,

and it just,
everyone who watched the movie,

it distracted them.

So we gave her a shot to do it.

We let her pick the actress.
We helped her.

It was something I produced.
It was a small film.

And she was okay with it.

Like, 'cause it
made her look really good.

-Well, Lucio Fulci
used a lot of Italians

who spoke no English,

but he required them to
learn their lines in English

even if they didn't know
what the words meant --

so they would say
the line phonetically,

like Paolo Malco in this movie,
who plays Norman.

Virtually no English.

Catriona MacColl says it
was sometimes very awkward

trying to do the scene with him.

She couldn't understand
what he was saying.

She just had to
remember it from the script.

Ania Pieroni, who plays
the babysitter, same thing.

So Eli, more questions --
as a screenwriter,

let's say you were
writing this story.

Is there any combination of
events going on in your brain

that would cause you to
choose a character name

like Freudstein?

-I mean,
Fulci obviously is thinking,

"Okay, he's a doctor.
Who's obvious? Freud.

Maybe he's German, or maybe
he's Jewish. Freudstein."

I always thought it was cool
he was kind of a Jewish monster.

-Well, that's a good point,
I guess.

Jewish monsters
are rare in films.

-There's really not a lot.

Meyer Lansky, yeah,
but whatever.

Epstein, okay, fine.

But, like, for movie monsters,
the Golem and Freudstein.

So I thought it was great.

-Alright, well, the scene where

Norman goes
all through the house

because he hears loud sounds,

and he finds the babysitter
removing some boards

from the cellar door --

he says her name, they stare,

there's a tight close up
on the eyes and he leaves.

And Fulci is just crazy about
these tight eye close ups.

What does that scene mean?

-Everything is to make
you uncomfortable.

Everything in a horror movie is
to give you a sense of unease.

Like, why does
he know the house?

Has he been there before?

Is there something suspicious
about this guy?

Is something more
going on between them?

Because, you know,
it's also in Italian,

so it's like a guy and a girl --

of course there's gonna be
something going on.

-Well, the same thing when Lucy

sees Mrs. Giddelsen, the
realtor, on the street,

but Mrs. Giddelsen ignores her.

Why? What's that about?

-It's all red herrings.

There's this kind of
sense of unease and danger,

and the realtor is played by
Dagmar Lassander,

who was in the movie
"The Laughing Woman,"

[Speaking in Italian]

"The Woman Who Laughs,"
from 1969.

Dagmar Lassander is
a very famous Italian actress,

and she's in the Fulci movie,

so Fulci's like,
got to give her a close-up,

because the Italians
are gonna love it.

-Well, I guess
my real question is,

when you have a red herring,
doesn't there eventually

need to be an in-movie
explanation later

for why the red herring behavior
or that moment occurred?

-No. I mean, there does,
but like...

Here's the thing --

there's two kinds of logic
in a horror movie,

there's story logic
and then there's dream logic.

And if you think about it,
movies are kind of

the closest representation
to our dreams.

And horror moves
are very, very close

representations of nightmares.

They don't make sense.

Now, you can't just do random,
crazy stuff that makes no sense

and lose your audience.

I think that Fulci's just
experimenting with style.

I think he's a guy who
is in his early 50s,

his masterpieces were
completely underappreciated,

and he's like, "You know what?

I'm making a horror movie
and I'm going for it,

and I don't care if this works.

I don't care if I'm gonna have
a zombie and a shark.

I don't care.

The audience wants gore and
they want some weird scenes,

and I'm gonna give it to them."

-Alright.

Well, your enthusiasm is kind of
rubbing off on me, Eli,

so let's get back to
the rather slowly-developing

"House by the Cemetery,"

A masterpiece by Lucio Fulci.

Roll it.

The other rap on Fulci
is that he was misogynist.

You know?

But I never know what
people mean by that.

Do they mean because
a lot of females

get killed in his movies?

Or do they mean
he's mean to actresses?

Catriona MacColl says she would,
when he would get crazy,

she would just tell him,
"You're impossible,"

and that's all it took
to calm him down.

And let me just
make it clear here,

since we're
talking about this --

I do not believe in

the random killing and
mutilation of women...

...unless it's
necessary to the plot.

[Static crackles]

[Curtains rustling]

[Panting]

[Chuckles]

-Hi.

-How do you feel?

-Hmm.

-Better.

Have Bob and Ann come back?

-Not yet.

-Why can't we get something else
from Mrs. Gittleson?

-[Chuckles]

-I mean,
this house is so strange.

Sure, I can deal with
a graveyard next door,

but to live with a tomb
in your hallway?

-It's just something
you'll have to get used to.

This ain't New York.
-I know.

-Most of the old houses
in the area

have tombs in them.

Really.
-No kidding.

-It's because in the winter,
it freezes here.

-Is that so?

-Yeah, and the yard
being like a rock,

they bury Grandpa at home.

No more ghost talk now, huh?
-Okay.

-Come on. I've got
a surprise for you.

-What is it?
I did some clever scrounging,

and, well, darling,

now we try to solve
the cellar-door mystery.

So...

[Door rattling]

No.

[Chuckles]

-[Clicks tongue]

-Now, let's see.

-We're home, Mrs. Boyle.

-Daddy! Daddy!
You're back from work!

-Hey!

-Guess what?
-What?

-Today I saw my new
girlfriend again,

and Mae said to tell you "Hi,"
and also to Mommy.

Hey, what are you doing?

-Well, I want to show Mommy

there's, um,
nothing behind the door.

How about giving me a hand?
-Sure.

-Now, this one didn't work.
You try it.

-Did you see the girl
he was talking about?

-No.

[Lock clicking]
-But weren't you with him?

-Yes. All the time.

-Bob found it.

♪♪

Only trouble is...

Thank you.

♪♪

...it's rusty as all get out.

[Clicking, scraping]

Obviously Petersen
wasn't interested in cellars.

Must be years since it...

[Squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

-Do you see anything?

-Some old steps going down.

-Should I come with you?

-No. Stay with Bob.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clatters]

♪♪

♪♪

[Squeaking]

-[Screaming]

-Norman! Ann!

-[Norman groaning]

-Why did you shout like that?

-It was just --

[Squeaking]
-Ahh!

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

Norman, help me!

Help!

♪♪

-[Norman screams]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

-Daddy! Daddy!
What's the matter?!

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Norman grunting]
-[Lucy shrieks]

♪♪

-[Norman grunts]

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-Ahh! Ahh!

[Squeaking continues]

♪♪

-[Gasps]
-Kill it!

[Screeching stops]

[Lucy sobbing]

-[Yawns] I see.

I'll tell Mrs. Gittleson.

-And please tell her we want to
move out no later than tomorrow.

-Yes, very well.

-Well, will it be --

be difficult
to find another house?

-I can't really say,
but I don't think so.

-Thank God for that.

Don't forget now,
no later than tomorrow, okay?

-Yes, very well.

I'll call Mrs. Gittleson...

-We going?

-...and have her stop
over this evening.

-Goodbye. [Mutters]

[Bell dings]

[Dialing]

[Line beeping]

That Freudstein house.

That Freudstein house.

-No. No.

Mnh-mnh.

-It was inevitable.

-What?

-That they'd want to leave
the Freudstein property.

-[Sighs] Oak Mansion, Harold.

How many times do I have
to tell you that house

is now called Oak Mansion?

-Yeah, give the bad product
a new label.

Well, call it what you will,

but it's always
been Freudstein's house.

-[Sighs]

-Woman: Mae.

[Bird chirping]

Mae.

Mae, we have to.

-I suppose so.

-What were you doing
by the window?

-Watching the house is all.

-You can't see it from here.

Come.

Time to go to bed.

[Buttons snapping]

♪♪

-Don't go inside.

Not inside!

[Doorbell buzzes]

-Mr. Boyle?

Mrs. Boyle?

Is anybody home?

Mrs. Boyle?

[Clattering]

Ann?

Hello?

Ann?

Ann?

[Sighs]

-[Man exhaling]

[Rustling]

[Footsteps running]

Mrs. Boyle?

Ann?

Ahh!

[Screams]

[Screeching]

♪♪

[Footsteps]

♪♪

No!

[Whimpering]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

No!

Nooooo!

[Man wailing]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Gasping, screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Bones cracking]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Child crying]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, one of
the slowest, weirdest kills

in horror history --
Mrs. Gittleson, the realtor --

fire poker to the heart,
kidneys, and neck,

resulting in a most satisfying
carotid-artery blood spurt.

And the gross, scaly hand
doing the killing

was none other than
Silvia Collatina,

the 8-year-old girl
playing Mae.

Apparently when you have
children on a Lucio Fulci set,

you don't want to waste money
when they have nothing to do,

so you use them to

execute horrendous
special effects shots.

So Eli, did your house
have a tomb in it?

-Not that I know of.
It might now.

-I thought allthe houses
in that part of New England

have tombs in them.

-Those houses were terrifying.

I remember, like, that's where
the horror ideas come from.

The dead woods, the trees --

I mean, these things
were built in the 1880s

and they're, like, a lot of them
aren't in good shape.

You go in them,
there's weird stuff in there.

-Well, as an
expert screenwriter,

tell me what is the purpose
of the bat scene?

-God, there was a real problem
with puppet bats

in New England.

They would attack you.

And I think that's what the
screenwriters were representing.

-[Chuckles]

-No, it's nature run amuck.

It's the danger of the house.

It's that, you know,
there's something evil.

It's like that classic Dracula,

that there's something
evil in the house

that's going to attack you,
that makes you feel unsafe,

and it goes on and on and on.

and it's got that
horrible sound.

It's fantastic.

-What do you think is
Lucio Fulci's best movie?

-"The Beyond" is a masterpiece,
I think, start to finish.

You know,
the seven doors of death,

the way he handled the fantasy,
the afterlife,

it's a beautiful film.

For me, it's "Zombie,"
too, though.

I love it.
I love the fritzy score.

I love Tisa Farrow's
performance.

I love the zombie fighting
the shark. It's brilliant.

-Well, Lucio Fulci was
an interesting guy.

At this point in his career,
he had already been working

in the film industry
for about 30 years.

He started out as a screenwriter
and an assistant director --

he was actually a medical
student who gave it up

to attend the famous
Experimental Film Center,

which is the oldest film school
in Europe, Mussolini founded it.

And he was
a pretty decent writer --

he wrote over 130 scripts,
but then starting in 1959,

he got his director's shot

with a comedy called
"The Thieves,"

and after that,
he worked in all genres,

saving his money until he could
make his pet project in 1969,

which in this country is called
"The Conspiracy of Torture,"

the true story
of Beatrice Cenci,

who was imprisoned in the
basement of her house

by her sexually abusive father
in the 16th century

and eventually murdered him.

It was very anti-Catholic.

Fulci was a Marxist and he hated
the Catholic church,

and he thinks that movie
affected his ability

to get well-paying work
after that.

He thought Dario Argento
got all the money

and he was left with the scraps.

But that didn't stop him

from making another
anti-Catholic movie called

"Don't Torture a Duckling"
in 1972,

even more anti-church
than the first movie.

It was full of psycho
religious zealots

and brutal child killings

and perverted versions
of Catholicism --

and even though a lot of people
like the movie today,

that movie was too much
for the authorities.

It actually got him blacklisted.

He could only work in television
for a long time after that.

So then after that,
he made westerns,

he made giallo films,
he made sex comedies,

mystery thrillers, he made
a Mafia crime movie,

and then his breakthrough was in
1979 when he made "Zombie,"

which he called "Zombie 2"

because, as usual,
he was trying to fool people

into thinking it was a sequel,

and in this case it was
a sequel to "Dawn of the Dead,"

which had been released in Italy
under the title "Zombie."

And then he made the three
"Gates of Hell" films

and then he had smaller
and smaller budgets

throughout the '80s,
and in 1990,

he made his autobiographical
film "A Cat in the Brain,"

which is about a horror director
who fears that his obsession

with sex and violence
is a sign of mental disease.

Fulci did not like actors.

He fancied himself
the Italian Hitchcock,

and he loved to quote anything
Hitchcock said about actors,

like "Actors are cattle,"

which he may or may not
have said,

but people do think he said it.

Does that about sum it up, Eli?

-No, you really nailed it.

But the critics
were not behind him.

It was hard for him
to get money,

and it was really Fabrizio de
Angelis, the producer,

that brought him back to life
by giving him "Zombie 2,"

and he just went for it.

He just was like, "I don't care.

I'm just going to make the most
over-the-top, violent movie."

And he had this run
of these incredible films

that were so intense that
that's what he got known for.

I just don't think he
got along well with people.

I think he had
depression issues,

and I think that his personality
was very abrasive with people.

-I've heard that.

-He wasn't, like,
one of those people

that actors just loved
and loved working with

and being around, you know?

It just wasn't his personality.

-Okay, well,
we're going back to the movie.

And, oh yeah --

why does Norman pick up
the ring on the staircase?

-You've really --
that's an Elisa Briganti

and Dardano Sachetti question.

-Okay. Well.

This is one of those movies
where you keep thinking,

"Well, that'll be
explained later,"

and then it's never
explained later.

But I should ask you,
since we have you here.

If there are holes
in your plot like that,

improbable coincidences,
things like that,

and you decide, "Well, I can't
totally eliminate those

or I'll lose something else
down the line," do you just say,

"Well, we'll do a bloodbath
at the end

and that'll make 'em
forget everything?"

-Quentin put me through
those paces on "Hostel."

He's like,
"I'm gonna give you --

If I smell movie convenience,
we're gonna figure it out,

'cause that's lazy writing."

He went thorough everything
and was like,

"I call bullshit on that.
Movie convenience.

Movie convenience.
There will be none."

-Jesus, you just described every
film under film undergrad's

wet dream and worst nightmare.

-Sometimes you
can't get out of something.

You don't realize it
at the time.

You're like -- [Inhales sharply]

You want someone to
poke a hole in it,

and that's what
your producers do.

-Would you agree there
are about fifteen examples

of movie convenience in
"House by the Cemetery?"

-It's a fun movie because
it's got some great kills

and it's got some great zooms,

but people watch it
for the inconsistencies.

It's not a movie you watch
and go, "Why is this happening?

Why is this happening?"

You're going, "I love
the scene with the ring.

Oh, wait, wait, he's gonna zoom
into the realtor's eyes.

Oh, this is a weird scene that
makes no sense, watch this."

It's like he was just
having a fun time,

and I think that as a viewer,

it's not one of the movies that
I put under that microscope

or take all that seriously.

-Oh, actually I was
taking it that seriously,

but I won't anymore,
because if I digress

and then you digress
and then I digress again,

we'll never get
back to the movie.

[Laughing]

[Static buzzes]

[Birds chirping]

-[Yawning]

Good morning, Ann.

-Good morning.

[Water squishing, dripping]

-What are you doing?

-I made coffee.

-Hmm.

-What a shame
you didn't come with us

to the restaurant last night.

Well, at least your parents
must have been glad

you paid them a visit, huh?

♪♪

♪♪

Do you live far from here?

Hmm?

♪♪

-Good morning, Professor.

-Norman.
-Yeah?

-That girl Ann's a real weirdo.
I can't get a word out of her.

-Mm.

-Maybe she doesn't like me.

[Sighs]

Is it interesting?

-What?

-Did you find
anything interesting?

-I don't know.

Petersen was reading up
about a certain Dr. Freudstein,

turn-of-the-century surgeon

who had a penchant
for illegal experiments.

-[Laughs]

And what did that have to do
with his historical research?

-Nothing. Nothing at all.

The best guess
I can come up with...

...is that Petersen was already
going off the deep end.

Honey.
-Yeah?

-That's why I have to
take a trip to New York.

-Today?

Yeah.

-[Clicks tongue]

-I need Muller's okay
to follow up a hunch.

Which is that Petersen's suicide
was somehow connected

with his research
on this surgeon Freudstein.

[Footsteps approaching]

-Ah.

I-I-it's you.

-Surprised?

-Well, it's Sunday,
and I thought...

-I know.
What are you doing here?

-[Clears throat] Nothing.
Just a routine check.

One of my duties is to
check all the wings

of the library on Sunday
when we're closed.

I won't disturb you
any longer.

Excuse me.

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunts]

-Got you.

-Only because I fell.

Otherwise, you wouldn't
have come near me.

-Where are you going?

-I have to get home or
Ann will yell at me.

Mom's gone shopping,
and she still thinks

I'm up in my room napping.

-No, Ann won't get mad.

-I tell you, she will,
'cause Mommy told her

-I was not to go out.

-Don't go in the house, Bob.
-Don't worry.

I'll just fake it
a minute or two

and then sneak out again.

See ya.

♪♪

Wait for me!
-Under the oak!

-Okay!

-No, Bob, don't go inside.
I warned you not to.

♪♪

♪♪

-Petersen:
It's been days and days

since I stopped work for this.

I can't eat.

I can't sleep.

I can't stop now, though.
I've got to --

[Creaking]

[Creaking]

[Creaking gets louder]

I've lost all
critical perspective.

The signs.

The warnings of this house.

Freudstein's house.

That anguished crying.

And Sheila smiles.

What can I do
to make her believe me?

Maybe I'm insane.

Yes.

This is all unreal.

Freudstein's house draws me
like an infernal magnet

and frightens me.

♪♪

How many have wandered
innocently

into the waiting spider web?

How many more are doomed
to follow?

♪♪

The smell of the rooms
terrifies me...

and lures me on.

The smell of blood.

How many more are still
to come?

Onward, into the depths
of this mystery.

I want to know,
know the worst.

Onward, to find out.

Find out!

Freudstein.

His voice.

Is that his voice?

[Thunder crashes]

Blood.

Blood!

Not only blood.

His voice.

I can hear it now.

I hear it!

I hear it everywhere!

♪♪

♪♪

Sheila!

Do you believe me now?

Do you believe me?

[Sobbing]

♪♪

No.

No!

Sheila.

[Blood dripping]

♪♪

♪♪

No! No! Not the children!

No!

-And they're on the starting
grid set for the big race, Yogi.

On your mark. Go!

[Imitating engine]

[Static crackles]

-You know another interesting
architectural detail

about New England,

besides all the houses
having tombs in the hallways,

is that all the libraries
have incinerators

in the research areas that
are burning all the time

so you can destroy
anything you don't need.

Why would Norman destroy a tape

of Peterson raving
about Freudstein?

Eli?

-I think he was worried
it would wake Freudstein up.

It's like, he probably
saw "Evil Dead,"

and said,
"If you're in a horror movie,

and you play a tape,
no good can come of this."

-And then here's
the biggie question.

In what universe does Lucy
walk into the kitchen,

notice that the babysitter
is cleaning up

huge pools of blood,
ask her what she's doing,

gets the answer "I made coffee,"

and then going "Okay, yeah,
let's have coffee.

Are we supposed to
think that both of them

already know
why the blood is there?

-I think you're
really underestimating

the importance of coffee
in Italian culture.

So that, to me, is just like,
a classic Italian.

You walk in and
there's a pool of blood,

but someone's making coffee,
so what's going on?

"I made coffee."

Okay, first, before anything,

you can't really get into
the wherefores and whys

and specifics until
you've had your coffee.

-That's actually true,

and it's as good an explanation
as I've ever heard.

And then apparently Norman
now needs to drive

from Boston to New York --

and how long does
that drive take, Eli?

-Three and a half hours.

With my dad driving, three.

With my mom driving, 3:45.

-On a good day.

-Depends if you
go through Connecticut

or whether you just go through
Massachusetts all the way.

-Okay, because Norman needs to

"get the okay from Mueller" --
that's the Lucio Fulci character

at the
New York Historical Society --

to follow up on the hunch
that the suicide of Peterson

is linked to
the Freudstein research.

Okay, A.,
don't they have a phone?

B., is this again
some indication

that Norman has a secret agenda?

C., why does the creepy
library assistant act like

Norman should not be in
the library on Sunday?

-Well, you know, no one really
goes to the library at all,

let alone on a Sunday.

It's very suspicious.

Also, I think you're forgetting
how expensive it was

to make a long-distance
phone call in 1981.

-Okay. Alright.

-If I made a call to New York,
my God,

the lecture that I would have
gotten from my dad.

"What do you think this is?
Are you trying to bankrupt us?

I'm not made of money."

Once you did the 1-2, 1-2
on your home phone from a 617,

it's like, instantly
it's a lot of money.

That's my memory of it,
and gas prices are pretty cheap.

It's probably cheaper to drive
to New York than to call.

-Okay.

So we get the child carcass
on the operating table.

That looked particularly good.

Then following that, we get
some more eerie staring,

an apparent staple
of this movie,

especially from
Ann the babysitter.

But Eli, I wanted to ask you
before time gets away from us --

were you happy with how your
remake of "Death Wish" came out?

-You know,
"Death Wish" was an assignment.

It was like, I was
supposed to do another movie

that I was unceremoniously
removed from

for various reasons,
and "Death Wish" came up,

and it wasn't something that I
thought I was going to do,

but I really enjoyed
the challenge of it.

It was my first time working
with a star like Bruce Willis.

And to me, it was just about,

"How much can I get through
in a mainstream film?"

-Well, I love the film,
though it makes me feel guilty

because the kill scenes in
that film are almost sexual.

Orgasmic.

You've got us so manipulated
that we just

relishwatching
those people die.

-Well, look, in "Hostel,"
in the first kill,

you're completely repelled
by the violence.

You could hear a pin drop
in the theater.

And by the end, people were
cheering for the violence.

And I remember
people said to me,

"I didn't know that
I had that in me."

And I think that it's fun to
watch someone get the bad guys,

but I think there is
something in all of us

that's really interesting --
again, that deep programming

that we could all
turn violent at any minute,

especially when you feel
justified in doing it.

When something terrible has
happened to your loved ones,

we all go right to that caveman,
tribal programming of,

"That person must be killed."

-And I hope Darcy can't
hear me when I say this,

but I think it's a great remake.
which is rare for me.

I usually don't like remakes.

-You know, it wound up --

it was MGM's highest-testing
movie they ever had.

I mean, unfortunately there
were some tragic shootings

the week before it opened,

and people were not really in
the mood for that kind of film,

but the film did very well.

-And I also like how
you used Bruce Willis.

'Cause you go to that movie,

you're expecting
the "Die Hard" character,

you're expecting a tough guy,

and instead you get
a sort of seriously conflicted,

inept vengeance-seeker.

He has to learn to be brutal.

-Well, that was the fun.

Yeah, he's a life-saver.

It's the journey of going from
a live-saver to a life-taker,

and that's why it --
look, I learned that

a lot of people panicked
when the slide bite happens.

It's called baretta bite
or slide bite --

the slide kicks back
and pinches your hand,

so I was like,
"Let's use that as plot point."

Like, the first time he shoots,

I want to see it go
ping-ping-ping.

You know, we're so used
to seeing Bruce Willis shoot,

so the fun with Bruce Willis was
watching him learn

how to shoot a gun
and get good at it.

-Alright, let's get
back to the movie.

Oh, and I guess I should ask you
about your children's movie,

"The House with
a Clock in its Walls."

When I think about
children's horror,

I think Bette Davis in
"Return to Witch Mountain."

Stuff like that.

-I love that. I love "Gremlins."

I love "Return to Witch
Mountain."

I like the straight-up
PG scary movie for kids.

The gateway horror film.

-I think parents
might hesitate, though, Eli.

You know, "Hey, dear,

let's take little Timmy
to the new kid flick

made by the Hostel guy."

Oh, I don't think so.

-There's that,

or the people that were young
when they had "Hostel,"

that now have kids are like,

are like, "Oh, Eli wants
my kids to be into horror.

I can't start them on
'It' and 'Hostel.'

Let's start them on this,

and this will turn
my kids into horror fans.

It was for
the horror fans with kids,

to get their kids into horror,
to have a fun time at the movie,

but not be so traumatized
that they never sleep again.

-Okay, a noble goal.

And I'm sure all the parents in
the mutant fam would

certainly approve.

[Static buzzes]

♪♪

-[Bob imitating engine]

And Bob Boyle takes the lead!

[Imitating engine continues]

But car number 2
bumps it off the track.

[Imitating engine continues]

And he's back on again.

[Imitating engine continues]

[Bell dings]

[Engine revving, tires screech]

-Norman.

Norman.

[Horn honking]

[Horn honks]

[Toy car clattering]

[Birds chirping]

-Bob!

-[Child crying]

-Where are you?

Answer me.

Come on. Quit playing.

-[Crying continues]

-Bob?

-[Crying continues]

-Are you down there?

Bob?

[Clattering]

-You all right?

Um, you want me to --

You want me to come
down and help you?

Bob!

[Squeaking]

[Footsteps running]

Is that you?

Bob?

-[Child crying]

Please, answer me.

[Door creaking]
-[Gasps]

[Door closes]

Bob! Open the door!

[Screams]

The door, Bob!

Open the door!

[Whimpering]

Mrs. Boyle, help me!

Open the door!

[Doorknob jiggling]

Bob, open the door!
Open the door!

Help!

Somebody help me!

-Okay, Yogi, we've gotta
go rescue Ann.

-Bob, open the door. Help!

Bob!

Oh, God!

Open the door!

[Doorknob jiggling]

No!

♪♪

No. No!

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Coughing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Bones cracking]

-Ann?

[Lock clicks]

[Door creaking]

[Whimpers]

[Creaking stops]

Ann!

Ann?

Ann!

[Thumping]

[Thumping continues]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

-Bob?

Ann?

Can you help me?

-[Child crying]

Bob?

Ann!

-[Crying continues]

-Bob?

-[Crying]

-Bob!

-Mommy. [Crying]

-Bob.
-Mommy.

-What's the matter?

What are you doing
there, darling?

-It was awful. It was awful.

-Where's Ann? What happened?

-I don't know, but -- but --

-Were you playing?

You mean, she was hiding
and you got scared, or what?

-Yogi and I were racing
and I heard this scream.

And I went down to the cellar.

And poor Ann.
-And?

-And they cut off Ann's head.
-What?

-They did, Mommy.
It fell down the stairs.

It was lying there.
-Darling.

-And I saw it. I did.

-Bob!
-[Whimpering]

-Bob, really.
-It's true, Mommy. I saw her.

-Don't worry. It's alright.

[Flashlight clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Sighs]

You really scared me,
you know that?

-It's the truth, Mommy. Honest.
I saw it roll down the stairs.

-Bob, there's nothing there,
believe me.

[Loud clattering, thumping]

[Sighs]

[Wind whistling]

-Hey! What are you doing here?

-What are you doing here?

-I happen to be the caretaker,
and we're closed now.

-I'm looking for a tomb.
-Whose tomb?

-A Dr. Freudstein's.

-Oh, you too?

-What do you mean?

-Well, you're not the first.

-Look, friend,

I came over 200 miles
to see this tomb,

and I wanna see it.

-Well, you shouldn't
have bothered.

There's no Dr. Freudstein here.

-But...

according to
the official records,

he was buried here.

-The official records
don't mean a thing.

It's a lot of bunk
that Freudstein's buried here.

Just gossip.

Now, come on.
The cemetery's closed.

Let's go. You mind?

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

-Thanks, Mommy.

-Ann will come back. You'll see.

She's probably just gone to
visit her parents, that's all.

Huh.

Go to sleep now. Come on.

There we are. It's late.

♪♪

♪♪

[Smooches]

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Ann is probably
just visiting her parents --

yeah, that's something
the live-in babysitter does

without any warning.

And Bob can't be believed,

because he talks to
his stuffed monkey.

But how many times have they
been down in that cellar

at this point without
figuring out what's down there?

-The thing is, if you
answered all these questions,

the movie would be
four minutes long.

-That's sort of my point!

-You know, look, we spent
a lot of time in the cellar

of my house, we went down
there over and over and over.

There were still
things we never saw.

Probably bodies hidden in there.

Those Massachusetts cellars,
they're endless.

They're like the cellar
in "Crawl."

They're like, it just goes
on and on and on.

-Well, the repeated
throat-slashing of Ann

is carried out
with what appears to be

a normal, female hand.

It was, in fact,
the left hand, once again,

of eight-year-old
Silvia Collatina.

But this pretty much rules out

Ann's creepy, zombie-like
demeanor being caused

by any complicity in
the secrets of the house, right?

-Probably, yeah.

-She was weird
but she was innocent.

She was one more setup
for the only thing

keeping suspense alive
in this movie, which is --

who's in the basement, and why
is he or she killing everybody?

And what does that have
to do with child murder?

Since we have that shot of
the dead baby carcass

and the operating table

and the idea that maybe Mae
is a ghost of some sort,

haunting the house because
she was killed there, maybe.

Eli?

-Yeah. Also, like, I'm in Italy.
You're in America.

You know what I mean?

Like, if you're in Italy
watching this movie,

all this stuff, you just
kind of go with it.

You're just enjoying
your coffee.

-Different rules.

-Different rules.

-Alright, Eli, sum up for me

the recent fascination
with Italian horror.

When I first saw these movies,

no one even knew
they were Italian.

I think you would have to admit
that many of these movies,

even the most celebrated ones,

they have all kinds
of production flaws

and plot holes and bad dubbing,

and they're constantly
ripping off American movies

or they're trying to
pass off their own works

as sequels to American flicks.

So what is it, emotionally,
or in the big picture,

that makes so many fans

fall in love with
so many Italian horror films?

-I'll tell you why.

There was no market testing.

You're seeing movies now that
have been through a process

where they just
cut the edges off.

"The audience doesn't like this.

It didn't score enough.

The lead wasn't likable enough.

We didn't understand this.

This scene is too offensive."

To release a movie now,

they spend $30 million
in advertising money,

and they're not
going to spend it

unless they're reasonably sure
they're gonna make it back.

Movies today aren't made because
people think they're successful,

they're made because
they think they won't fail.

Put every decision
through that filter.

You're at a studio.
You're in marketing.

You're a producer.

"If your movie fails,
will I get fired?"

Well, if it tests really high
and it fails, it's like,

"It's not my fault.
The movie tested high."

If the movie tested low and
you put it out and it fails,

they'll go, "Why would
you release that?

You lost $25 million.
You're fired."

There are so few jobs
that every decision

on every level, from the
casting, from the script,

even if you make
an independent movie

and someone buys it
and they're going to release it,

"How much money
are we going to spend?

What does it test?"

Some audience is going
to watch it and go,

"But this doesn't make sense.

This feels weird.
This feels different."

-Right, and the words
"weird" and "different"

are bread and butter
for filmmakers like Fulci.

-We miss the time when
movies were dangerous.

We miss the time
when they had random people,

when characters you like
did horrible things

and died violent deaths.

Things that are shot on film,
things with practical effects,

because they're transgressive.

The point of horror is
to be horrific.

It's not to please everybody.

You don't need to make a movie
that everybody loves.

If half the people
hate your movie,

you're still doing your job.

You're not there
to please everybody.

This is the story and you can
like it or not like it.

You can like my movies
or hate my movies.

Both are perfectly acceptable.

I'm just expressing myself.

And that's what these
directors did.

When you Dario Argento,
when you're Lucio Fulci,

when you had Sergio Martino,
Lamberto Bava,

they were making such great,
incredible, creative movies

on no money.

And it's also a time
that we miss.

It's sleaze, it's violence.
There's sex.

The characters do things
you're not supposed to do,

but you can tell that
there's a purity to them.

It's a time that we miss,
when we all watched movies

as a kid, we didn't
know they were Italian,

because they changed
the director's names.

Because the video box art

was the size of
a Captian Crunch box.

You didn't know anything
about the movie.

You're just looking at
the cool picture.

But there was something
weird about it.

Now, on Amazon Prime, on
Netflix, on Blue Underground,

on Arrow Video, on Shudder,

you can see these movies
remastered in 4K,

and they look beautiful,
and they're appreciated,

and you can connect
with other fans.

You can learn history,
but they represent a time

when cinema was storytelling.

Now, it's mass-marketed,

and if you make
a movie that's weird,

maybe it gets a VOD release.

Maybe no one ever sees it,
or maybe they cut the edges off.

It's very rare that

a unique film that
strange breaks through.

I'm not saying it can't happen.

It's just ten times harder now.

-So you're saying that when
somebody writes an opinion down

on a test card at
one of those screenings,

like,
"This movie made me feel weird.

I'm not sure what
I think about it."

That opinion goes on to shape
and change whatever art

is left in the process?

-Well, it depends how much
control you have, but yes.

That's exactly what happens,
and it's usually one person

or one person in a focus group.

So out of these group
of 300 people,

someone goes,
"The beginning's a little slow."

Well, yeah,
it's supposed to be slow,

because you're getting
to know the characters,

and it's actually making
the ending much better.

The audience doesn't know it.

If they're a little bored,
that's okay,

because the ending is all
set up for the payoff.

If it all goes fast,
then the ending won't work.

So it's very frustrating.

They'll be like,
"Well, that one person said,"

so suddenly, this random person
in Burbank on a Thursday night

knows more than you
as a director.

And they're like, "Well,
we gotta trust the audience.

It's keeping the scores down."

Now, I'm not saying
it's not valuable

to show your movie
to an audience.

You want to know
if everyone's confused,

if everyone hates the ending,
if it doesn't make sense,

if the audience feels betrayed,
like,

"Why would you do that?"
like, you don't want that.

You want a story that works.

But what they do is
they videotape it.

They audio tape it.
They give you these analytics.

I mean, by the way, they're
market testing ideas now.

It's not even like, having
a script, it's an idea.

There's a company now that
will market test a concept.

based on market research on a
concept, on a title and a line.

That's how scared people are.

That's how much money --
everyone feels they can be fired

at any moment, so they just want
a piece of paper that goes,

"Hey, man, it's not
my fault it failed,

because all the testing data,

you would have made
the same decision."

That's why sequels
and reboots happen.

If you make an original movie
and it fails, you're fired.

If you make a reboot
and it fails,

how could you know?

Look at these other reboots.

They all worked.
It's not my fault.

It was successful.

So that's how every single
decision is made.

So even when you make
a movie independently --

I mean, it took us two years

to get "Green Inferno"
released at all.

It's really, really hard now.

So, the fallacy is the idea

that people know what they want
to see before they see it.

All right. Once again,
Eli Roth hath spoken.

And I feel like the "Patton"
score should have been playing

during that last speech
of yours, Eli.

But come back anytime.

Um, uh --
I know what you're thi--

You're thinking,
"I'm coming back here? To this?"

[Laughter]

-No, let's do it. Next time,
we'll do it in person.

I look forward to it.
-All right.

Let's do it in person next time.
Great.

Thanks for getting ridiculously
nerdy with us, Eli.

We'll see you at the
AMC Networks cocktail party.

Please wave to us
from the big kids' table, okay?

And now for
the stunning conclusion --

actually "conclusions,"
plural --

to "House by the Cemetery."

Roll the flick.

And, by the way, the trailer
for this movie announced,

"Who can survive the demented,
marauding zombies?"

So we've got 20 minutes left

to produce demented,
marauding zombies.

Something tells me
we're not gonna get there, so --

And coming up right now is
my favorite line in the movie.

Bob goes to the top
of the cellar stairs.

He's just seen Ann's head
bounce down the same stairs.

And he says, "Ann!
Mommy says you're not dead!"

See, that wouldn't survive
the focus group.

-[Laughter]
-Thanks for joining us, Eli.

-Awesome. Thanks, Joe Bob.
It's my pleasure.

Really, a lifelong dream
to do this with you.

♪♪

[Static buzzing]

[Static crackles]

[Door creaking]

[Howling in distance]

[Howling continues in distance]

-Ann!
Mommy says you're not dead.

Is that true?

Ann!

You there?!

[Door creaking and closes]

[Gasps]

[Lock clicking]

[Rustling]

-[Gasps]

[Heavy breathing]

[Snarling]

[Heavy breathing
and snarling continues]

-[Screams]

Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy!

[Whimpering]

Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Let me out!

[Bob whimpering and crying]

Let me out, Mommy!

-Bob?

-Let me out!
I'm in the cellar!

♪♪

Let me out, Mommy!

[Pounding]

-Bob?

-I'm in the cellar! Help!

Let me out!
-Bob!

-[Pounding]
-What --

-Mommy! Mommy!
Open the door for me!

It's scary in here!

-Don't worry, honey.
-Mommy!

Let me out of here!
I'm scared!

-Stay calm.
Mommy will get you out.

-Mommy!
Hurry! I'm scared!

Use the key like Daddy did!

I don't wanna stay in here!

-Just a minute.
-Let me out!

-I'm coming!
-Let me out, Mommy!

-[Pounding]
-Mommy!

-Keep calm!
-Open the door!

Hurry!

-Okay. I'm -- I'm there.

-[Pounding]
-[Sobbing]

-Please. Turn.

-Mommy!

[Bob shouting, muffled]

Open the door!

Mommy, I'm scared!

[Shouting continues]

Let me out of here!
Let me out!

♪♪

Mommy, please
don't leave me in here!

♪♪

-Come on!

-Mommy! Mommy! Are you there?!

-I know! I know!
Wait a minute!

-Mommy!

[Rattling]

-[Grunting]

♪♪

-Why don't you unlock the door?!
Unlock it!

[Clattering]

There's someone
in here, Mommy!

-[Gasps]

-Somebody is there!
Get the door open!

Mommy, hurry!

He's coming to get me.

Mommy! He's coming to get me!

-Bob! Bob!

Oh, God! No!

No!

[Pounding continues]

Bob!

[Crying]

[Footsteps approaching]

-Mommy!

-[Screaming]

-Lucy!
-[Sobbing]

-What's the matter?
-Mommy! [Screams]

-Is Bob in there?
-Yes!

-We gotta get him out right now
and leave this house fast.

-What do you mean?
-Later.

-Why?
-Where's the ax?

Where's the damn ax?!

[Pounding]

-[Gasps]
-Bob!

-Yes, Daddy?
-Keep away from the door!

-Yep, I will.
-[Growling]

♪♪

-Don't worry, Bob.
I'll get you out.

-Why? Who's in there?
Who's in this house?

-Dr. Freudstein.

[Freudstein wails]

Petersen found out the truth.

That's why --
why he killed himself.

-What?
-[Moaning]

-[Muffled]
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

-Bob!

-It was Freudstein
that killed Sheila.

♪♪

[Children crying]

[Crying continues]

-[Growls]

-N-o-o-o-o-o!

[Crying continues]

[Heavy breathing]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

-Bob.

-He needs human victims
to renew his cells.

That's how he stays alive.
-Bob.

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

-Bob!

-Freudstein: Bob.

-Bob!

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling loudly]

♪♪

♪♪

[Breathing heavily]

♪♪

♪♪

[Heavy breathing continues]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

No! No!

[Screaming]

Norman!

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Sobbing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

Bob! Bob, the steps!

Quick! Hurry!

[Grunting]

[Grunting continues]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

[Grunting continues]

♪♪

[Stairs creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts, screams]

No. No!

[Both whimpering]

[Clattering]

-Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

No!

No! Mommy!

Mommy!

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunting continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Panting]

Mae!

-Bob.

-Mae, time to go home.

And remember your manners.

Now that Bob is staying,

show him you can act
like a Freudstein.

You know some other guest
is surely destined to drop in.

[Children crying]

♪♪

♪♪

[Crying continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static buzzes]

And so we end with that profound
Henry James quotation --

"No one will ever know
whether children are monsters

or monsters are children."

Only Henry James
never wrote that.

Lucio Fulci just made it up
and put Henry James' name on it,

'cause he'd seen that movie
"The Innocents"

based on the Henry James novel
"The Turn of the Screw,"

and he just decided,
"Well, it's something

Henry James would probably say
if he was alive."

My favorite moment
in the whole movie

is when Norman and Lucy finally
break down the door with the ax

at the top of the cellar stairs.

They know their son
has tumbled to the bottom.

They're rushing to his aid.

But, first, they stop
for a full five seconds

so Norman can explain to us
what's happening.

"He needs human victims
to renew his cells.

That's how he stays alive."

And then they resume their
headlong run down the stairs.

I guess Norman
got this information

sometime during that 200-mile
drive back from the cemetery

where he went to find out

that Dr. Freudstein
was notburied there.

Anyway, Dr. Freudstein is not

one of the more popular
serial killers in horror,

even though
I think the whole movie

is those last 10 minutes,

where you see
the Freudstein lair

and the tall, scary,
armless body of Freudstein

slowly lumbering
toward his intended victims

with just an approximation
of human features.

I guess he's gotta be, like,
150 years old by this time.

And then after Bob's
miraculous escape,

Bob joins Mae in whatever
other dimension she lives in,

ruled over, apparently,
by Mrs. Freudstein,

and the three of them walk down
the Yellow Brick Road

outside the house
by the cemetery,

on their way to further

childhood blood-draining
adventures.

What does it all mean?

Catriona MacColl,
who played Lucy,

has been asked that question
numerous times

because she's so often
interviewed at horror cons,

and she admits that she has
no idea what any of it means.

She says at the time she made
these three movies for Fulci,

she was living in Paris

and trying to make it
as a legitimate actress,

and so she didn't want anybody
to know

that she was even
in these movies.

She mostly took the jobs
because it meant

spending six or seven weeks
in Rome

every time they made a movie.

So, she took them
off her résumé, though,

then she was shocked
a few years later

when her brother called and said

they were having a big summit
in London

led by Mary Whitehouse,

who was sort of the
Tipper Gore of England,

and Mary Whitehouse
believed that we needed to stop

the moral decay of society,

and so she had picked out
10 movies

that were destroying
the moral fiber of England --

and Catriona MacColl
starred in two of them!

[Laughs] So, she said
she was just humiliated.

And when she goes
to horror conventions today,

she always asks the fans,
"Okay, now, why exactly

do you think these films
are so good?"

The actual house by
the cemetery, by the way,

still stands
in Scituate, Massachusetts.

It's called Ellis House,
and it's a working art gallery.

They have workshops
and art classes in there.

And if you've seen
Umberto Lenzi's movie

"Ghosthouse,"
it's also that house.

I'm wondering, though, how often
they go into that cellar.

Lucio Fulci suffered
from depression

most of his life,

and the '80s
didn't help him much.

His next movie after this
was "New York Ripper,"

which was met with
widespread critical abuse,

and then he had a series
of flops --

"Manhattan Baby," "Conquest,"
"The Devil's Honey."

And by the end of the '80s,

nobody would give him much money
for anything else,

and so he was making
shoestring pictures,

many of which went straight
to video, like "Aenigma,"

"The Ghosts of Sodom,"
"Demonia," "Door to Silence."

His late-career comeback film
was supposed to be "Zombie 3,"

shot in the Philippines,

but he was a lifelong diabetic,

and he had a really bad spell
with that,

and others had to
take over that shoot.

And then he was preparing
a movie called "Wax Mask,"

based on the story
of a real-life alchemist

from Naples in the early 1700s

who made wax models
from the bodies of his slaves.

It was kind of
a mad-doctor movie.

And this was
supposed to be a collaboration

between Dario Argento
and Lucio Fulci --

the first time
they would ever work together,

'cause Fulci had always
resented Argento.

But on March 13, 1996,

Fulci passed away
at the age of 68,

and they gave the project
to Sergio Stivaletti,

and so the resulting movie
has nothing to do

with anything
Fulci was planning.

"House by the Cemetery"

played grindhouses and
drive-ins for a couple of years,

and then it disappeared
for a quarter-century

before people
started rediscovering it

just within the last 15 years.

And I'm not sure exactly why.

But we'll ask Darcy because --

-Darcy, come on over.
-[Cheers and applause]

-Hello.
-You -- Oh.

Or should I say,
"Lucy, come on over."

[ Laughs ]

-[Bat squeaking]
-That's right. Bat action, man.

-Oh, man. You are a
"House by the Cemetery" fanatic.

What do you love about
"House by the Cemetery"?

-I love the atmosphere.
It's just so beautiful.

The meat-sauce factor
is awesome.

And Freudstein! Of course!

Oh, and the music.

-The music? Really?
-Yeah, I love the music.

-This is one of the few
Fulci films

where he does not use
Fabio Frizzi,

his usual composer.

-Well, I dig the substitute.

-I'm blanking on his name,
but I'll get it for us. The --

-Uh, Walter Rizzati!

-Oh. Thank you, Austin.
Walter Rizzati.

I'm surprised -- I'm surprised
you know that, Austin,

because you're the world's
biggest Fabio Frizzi fan.

You've gone
to Fabio Frizzi concerts.

I think the whole crew has gone
to these Fabio Frizzi concerts.

-Nice.
-Anyway, Darcy,

I agree with you that Freudstein
himself is a great monster,

but he's not that popular.

Have you ever been to a con
where somebody

dresses up like Freudstein?

-No, but that would be amazing.

I wanted to do it tonight,

but I needed, like, a lot of
time and some professional help.

-You need professional help
because of the head?

-The whole body.

He's made up of so many
different body parts.

-You know,
I think people love Fulci

mostly for the gorehound
aspects, the kills.

If you toned down
the kills in this movie,

you'd reallybe bored
by this plot.

-Who would anybody
want to do that?

-Well, I'm just making
a point about it.

-Okay. Nice point.
-[Laughter]

Now, remember last year right
before the coronavirus outbreak

when we went to
Huntington, New York?

-I do remember that.
I remember it well.

I did my show at a sort of
non-profit arts center

in Long Island

next door to Walt Whitman's
childhood home.

I remember that part of it.

-Well, Glenn Vile was there,
and...

-OnLong Island.
I should --

I said "in" Long Island.
On Long Island.

We were onLong Island.

If you say "in" Long Island,
they kill you.

-So, Glenn Vile
of Woodhaven, New York,

wanted you to have
this very special album.

-Okay. Um...

"Dear Joe Bob and Darcy,

I have not been out of the house
since March,

and the last event I went to
was the amazing

'How Rednecks Saved Hollywood'
show in Huntington, New York."

-Yay.
-"Though I have seen many celebs

during my life in New York,
I was never interested

in meeting any besides Joe Bob.

A dubious honor to be sure,
but I wanted to thank you both

for putting up with
my stammering and nerves

when you both graciously
and patiently spoke with me,

posed for photos,
and made sure I got

all of the stuff
I wanted signed."

I hope we didn't give him
coronavirus.

'Cause this was before anybody
was doing social distancing,

and we had no idea.

"Anyway, at one point
in the show,

Joe Bob spoke
about 'Thunder Road.'

During the late '90s,
early aughts,

there was a resurgence
of '60s kitsch,

including exotica, lounge,
and other bachelor-pad music

from a time forgotten.

Robert Mitchum
released a calypso album

where I first heard
'Thunder Road'

as a bonus track
on the re-release.

I don't know if you are aware
of this album,

but if not,
I hope you'll enjoy it.

I had a boss
that was a music professor

from Trinidad and Tobago,
and he told me the album

is actually pretty good
and authentic for the time.

Now it's my honor to be able
to advise you to check it out

and rate the album 4 stars.

Sincerely, Glenn Vile,
Woodhaven, New York."

Wow. Look at this.

And it does have --
It's Robert Mitchum.

"Calypso."

Um, It does have
"The Ballad of Thunder Road"

as one of the tracks.

I don't think
that's a calypso song,

but I use "Thunder Road"
in my show

is the reason he sent this.

But these are --
these are great.

I've heard about this.

They say he totally changed
his voice and wardrobe and --

You know, calypso is not
a tough-guy musical genre,

so this is gonna be great,
you know?

But I know some of these songs

like "From a Logical
Point of View."

That's a song about how
you should only marry a woman

uglier than yourself.

[Laughter]

And "Tic, Tic, Tic."

That's the song about the woman
who is suspected

of stealing a watch, but she has
no pockets and no sleeves

and the police can't find
the watch on her,

but her body is ticking.

Great song.
This guy knows what I like.

Thank you, Glenn.

And thank you, Darcy,
for fielding all those

angry Eye-talian
horror lovers tonight

when I was dissing their heroes.
-My pleasure.

-And thank you, Eli Roth,
for being Eli Roth.

This is Joe Bob Briggs,
reminding you

that the biggest troublemaker
you'll ever have to deal with

watches you from the mirror
every morning.

The drive-in will never die.

Ah, you know, Darcy,
something I've never told you.

-What's that?
-I've spent the last 10 years

searching for
my girlfriend's killer.

-You have?

-Yeah, I still can't find
anybody who wants to do it.

[Laughter]

-Oh, you get the bat...

[Bat squeaking]

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪