Original subtitles

♪ Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells ♪

♪ All seem to say, "Throw cares away" ♪

♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer ♪

♪ To young and old

♪ Meek and the bold

♪ Ding dong, ding dong

♪ That is their song

♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪

♪ One seems to hear, words of good cheer ♪

♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪

♪ Oh, how they pound, raising the sound ♪

♪ O'er hill and dale, telling their tale ♪

♪ Merrily they ring while people sing ♪

♪ Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here ♪

♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪

♪ On, on they send, on without end ♪

♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪

♪ Hark how the bells

♪ Sweet silver bells

♪ All seem to say, "Throw cares away" ♪

♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer ♪

♪ To young and old

♪ Meek and the bold

♪ To every home

♪ On, on they send

♪ On without end

♪ Their joyful tone

♪ To every home

Happy holidays, uglies.

At first glance, the Christmas season can seem joyful,

warm and inviting.

The glow of twinkling lights.

The laughter around the fire.

Oh, the scent of pine and cinnamon.

But turn the diamond just slightly

and those happy images can turn very cold.

The kind of chill that seeps into the marrow

and gnaws at the soul.

The laughter becomes strained.

The crackling fire whispers of secrets best left buried.

For some, Christmas is not joy,

but a pageant of isolation.

Empty rooms where laughter once echoed.

Gifts left unopened beneath a dying tree.

And even for those wrapped in the warmth of family,

there are other horrors.

The smiling Santa who lingers outside your window.

The cheerful gift, all glitter and bows,

with something sharp beneath the ribbon.

Yes, for every tale of joy there is one of terror.

Christmas is a time of gifts and gatherings,

but also of ghosts and grief.

And sometimes the most frightening thing

about the holidays...

Is the company you keep.

Which reminds me, even we ourselves

have a special guest this Christmas.

Drac, do me a dear and illuminate our guest.

After all, nothing says holiday cheer

quite like the flicker of Christmas lights.

Ah, yes.

The true spirit of giving.

Giving someone a little spark of life.

Or rather, a lot.

Oh, don't struggle, darling.

It's just the thrill of reanimation.

It never quite loses its charm.

My...

Darlings.

I should have known I'd be spending

the holidays with you two.

Whether I liked it or not.

David, really?

What is Christmas without a few forcibly festive guests

gracing the gathering?

Yes, but I must say there is nothing

more horrifying than waking up here with you two

year after year.

It's like the ghost of Christmas Past.

With a vendetta.

Well, now that you're awake and appropriately charged,

let's begin our festivities properly.

Yes, to truly capture the season's spirit,

it's time for our first tale of holiday cheer.

A story about family.

About the bonds that never truly break.

Not even in death.

Because sometimes the greatest horrors

aren't the ones that arrive uninvited.

But the ones you welcome in.

Now gather around and remember,

for some the cold embrace of death is just the beginning.

This tale is aptly titled, "Gaudete."

Look, I know it's not the happiest time.

But it's Christmas Eve.

We need to make the best of it.

She'd want us to be happy.

We're not even unpacked yet.

Like, at all.

All of my shit is still in boxes.

All her stuff is still here.

Everywhere I look I see her.

I know, it...

Look, it just...

it didn't feel right getting rid of anything, it's too soon.

You guys should be happy.

She left us this huge house, fresh start.

It's sad what happened to her, but she lived a full life.

We all gotta go sometime.

He's right.

We could have never afforded a house after your dad left.

I mean, we were barely making it before John showed up.

How did John help, exactly?

Grandma left us the house and the money.

Judy, don't be difficult.

Okay, this is already hard enough.

Okay.

God damn it.

Why did you leave me here alone with them?

Judy.

Honey.

I'm so sorry.

Look, I know this happening so close to Christmas

makes it 100 times worse.

But I miss her too, so much.

I can't even believe this is our life now.

I don't like it, Mom.

I don't... I don't wanna be here with him.

I think it's gross that he's even in this house!

Judy, please.

Try to understand.

Your dad has been gone a long time.

Would you prefer me just to be alone forever?

If this is the alternative.

Then yeah, I would.

You know what, forget it, Mom.

Merry Christmas.

Bon appetit, my little Christmas cadavers.

We're getting a head start on our holiday feast.

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh!

Please, spare us the calamitous cuisine.

Honestly, Drac, your foray into food

is positively frightful.

It's beautiful.

I can still feel it twitching.

How festive.

Ingrates!

Anyways, since we're on to gifts now,

we have a gift for all of you.

A story about true holiday horror.

And a most abominable appetite.

A little winter's tale about a beast

who doesn't just haunt the mountains, but hunts them.

And remember the scariest part of the holidays

isn't what's hiding under your tree,

it's what's clawing at your door.

We call this one, "Yeti or Not."

It's getting closer!

This way!

Come on, over here, this way! Over here!

Come on, hurry, the track's this way!

We've been going at this for hours.

Okay, we need to make a decision.

I said it a thousand times.

We kill it and when the sun comes up,

we try to find our way back to the car.

Plus, look what that fucker did to my arm.

It's an animal, what do you expect it to do?

Look at it.

It's scared, it's hurt.

Oh, it's hurt? It's scared?

It tried to kill us and it's definitely what took Tara.

No, no, no.

We... we don't know that for sure, okay?

Yes, it's the reason why eight people are missing.

We don't know that this is what took those eight people.

My sister was one of those people.

Exactly, plus look at its eyes.

Don't!

Just because we trapped it doesn't mean

that you have to be cruel to it.

Guys, look, the sun will be up any minute.

Let's just leave it in the snare and go get help.

That's the smart thing to do.

Look, look, it waved at me.

Raven, shut up.

It just moved its arm! You're crazy!

Don't, stop it!

All right, stop, all right?

We're here for Tara, okay?

And I wanna know what happened to her.

And I wanna know if this thing is the thing that took her.

It is!

Don't!

Don't fucking touch me.

You're being an asshole!

No. Jesus Christ, Raven, fuck!

Zoe, are you okay?

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I'm fine.

No, that's it. I'm done.

I'm fucking done.

This is ridiculous, okay?

I'm gonna try to get back to the car one more time.

It's gonna be light out soon.

I probably won't get lost and...

Hopefully there'll still be a signal there.

But guys, we need to stick together, okay?

For Tara.

Take care of them.

Them?

The snare is choking it.

Raven, get the fuck away from that thing.

Sorry.

This is supposed to be humane.

Raven stop.

Stop, stop, stop!

There.

It's okay.

If it was gonna hurt me it would have already...

You guys.

Fuck, shit.

I got completely lost again.

There is no signal.

♪ Jingle bells ringing in my ear ♪

♪ Jingle bell, a sound that's oh so dear ♪

♪ Frosty the snowman is all around town ♪

♪ Watch out for reindeer falling down ♪

♪ We stay up waiting for Santa tonight ♪

♪ He climbs down the chimney at the speed of light ♪

♪ While we're dancing around the Christmas tree ♪

Okay, what is a five letter word for blameworthy?

No...

Help is a four letter word, Zoe.

I got it.

Shame.

Yup, that's it.

Aren't you glad I helped you find your sister?

Ha.

♪ A merry Christmas day

♪ A merry Christmas day

Ah! There you are.

I thought you naughty little things

had untied yourselves and escaped.

Trust us, don't bother.

It'd be a waste of your time.

You'd either just freeze to death

or the hounds would tear you to little

delicious bits of minced meat.

Ha, ha.

So tell me again why I haven't already untied them?

Christmas isn't the only winter holiday.

There is also the horror of New Year's Eve.

A night of resolutions, fresh starts,

and ticking clocks that sound just

a little bit too much like a countdown to the end.

A time to remember those we've lost

and sometimes a time for those lost to remember us.

After all, the dead have nothing but time.

And they do love to stay in touch.

The calls from beyond come when you least expect them.

A voice on the line, a whisper in the attic.

A message from the dearly departed

who just can't take a hint.

They say dead men tell no tale.

But they never mention the dead calling Collect.

So tonight, we invite you to ring in the New Year

with a message from the other side.

Let's raise a glass, my fiendish friends,

because our next tale is a little story

about goodbyes that come far too late.

We call this one, "Old Acquaintance."

I can't do this anymore.

Ain't nobody making you stay here.

You wanna leave baby girl, leave.

But you walk out that door, don't come back!

Daddy, what are you so afraid of?

Get the hell outta my house!

Oh!

It's getting late.

I guess it's been awhile since you've been back here.

Graduation.

Right.

You know...

No one blames you for leaving.

Everyone knows that your father had his demons.

How did my father die?

Violently.

If you don't mind, I'm running late, so...

Oh, yeah.

Oh and happy New Year.

Ah!

What?

What the hell?

Where's the phone?

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And never brought to mind

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And auld lang syne

What the hell?

Oh!

Maya?

Are you there, baby girl?

I know you came home.

I'm sorry.

For all of it.

I'm so sorry.

But Maya, listen to me, you have to find the phone.

You have to...

Couldn't do...

Have to answer the call.

Answer it before it finds you too.

Daddy?

Answer it before it finds--

Gah.

What the hell?

What is going on?

Ah! God damn it!

Where the fuck is it?

Where is it!

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne!

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And auld lang syne

Shit.

Where the fuck is it!

You were right.

You were all right.

I had my demons. It got me.

Now it's gonna get you.

No.

No!

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne!

Should old acquaintance--

Hello?

Maya.

Oh! Daddy.

Daddy, I found the phone.

I answered.

I know, baby girl.

But you shouldn't have broken the answering machine.

Now, it's truly free.

Back so soon, my calamitous little carolers?

And scratching at the door for more, I see.

Ha, ha, ha!

Fear can be a real dopamine rush, can't it?

And sometimes the scariest holiday tales

are filled with merriment and misfortune.

A Christmas tree caught on fire.

The screams not naughty little brats

being gobbled up by Krampus.

A yule log to the skull.

These truly are a few of my favorite things.

Well, the holidays are all about family

and nothing brings people together like fear.

Tonight we've prepared another holiday tale of our own.

So grab your coco, gather round,

and don't forget to look up.

You never know who or what might come creeping down

in the dead of night.

We call this one, "Down the Chimney."

And trust us, the real horror isn't who comes in,

it's who doesn't make it out.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Hoo!

Ha, ha!

Rudolph.

Ra... Rudolph!

No, no, no.

No, no.

Come back, come back.

Yeah.

Good boy, good boy.

Huh.

Ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho!

No!

Good morning, merry Christmas!

It's Christmas!

Let's see what Santa got us.

There's no presents?

No presents?

We must have been really bad this year.

Christmas is ruined!

Huh?

Oh.

Well my darlings, it seems we've come to the bitter end

of our holiday of horrors.

But yours have hopefully just begun.

Whether it's a fire in your church at midnight mass,

where the doors have been conveniently locked.

Or a lonely predator hiding behind

your bushes on Christmas Eve, his breath freezing

on the air as he watches.

Or perhaps, a slashing Salvation Army Santa,

hunting you down through the empty mall parking lot,

his bell ringing with each bloody step.

We have high hopes that this holiday season

will be full of horror, wrapped up in a bow,

stuffed under your tree, and designed just for you.

Thank you all for joining us on this festive fright night.

We hope our little tales left you warm, but shivering.

Filled with cheer and a little bit of fear.

So lock you doors, dim your lights,

but don't bother hanging the mistletoe,

because the only kisses you'll be getting this year

are those of death.

So may your Christmases be cursed

and your New Year's Eve nightmarish.