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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Subtitles downloaded from https://kickasssubtitles.com 2 00:00:54,995 --> 00:00:58,063 Here's a little story I'd like to tell 3 00:00:58,065 --> 00:01:02,833 about three best friends and their first Noel. 4 00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:07,004 It begins right before Christmas 2001, 5 00:01:07,006 --> 00:01:10,207 when a young man named Ethan became an orphan. 6 00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:13,911 His mama and papa both tragically gone, 7 00:01:13,913 --> 00:01:18,917 it seemed for him, Christmas had sung its swan song. 8 00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:21,251 As he sat alone on Christmas Eve, 9 00:01:21,253 --> 00:01:24,088 his friends came over and forced him to leave. 10 00:01:24,090 --> 00:01:26,290 They had to get Ethan out of his funk, 11 00:01:26,292 --> 00:01:30,361 so they went to a bar and they got his ass drunk. 12 00:01:30,363 --> 00:01:33,798 With tears and with sadness they started to mend. 13 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:34,965 Then they said: 14 00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:37,902 No more crying. This sad shit must end. 15 00:01:37,904 --> 00:01:41,206 Christmas was about family, but now it's about friends. 16 00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:43,974 Thus began a new tradition. 17 00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:46,844 The friends hung on Christmas and fun was their mission. 18 00:01:46,846 --> 00:01:49,381 Who's the baddest motherfucker on Christmas day? 19 00:01:49,383 --> 00:01:52,316 - Get in there. - Aww! 20 00:01:52,318 --> 00:01:53,751 You knew. 21 00:01:53,753 --> 00:01:55,052 - Boom! - What is it? 22 00:01:55,054 --> 00:01:57,989 That shit holds a hundred songs at one time. 23 00:01:57,991 --> 00:01:59,790 I got the new Dave Matthews downloaded. 24 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,426 - Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin. - Oh! 25 00:02:01,428 --> 00:02:03,028 That guy slays ass. 26 00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:04,863 They chilled with each other, 27 00:02:04,865 --> 00:02:06,998 did all sorts of stuff. 28 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,667 They drank many drinks, they fucked shit up. 29 00:02:09,669 --> 00:02:11,001 Light his dick. 30 00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,009 Aah! 31 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,410 Then one fateful night, 2008, 32 00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:22,946 they realized that Christmas can be even more great. 33 00:02:22,948 --> 00:02:25,884 That eve at the bar, they saw quite a sight. 34 00:02:25,886 --> 00:02:28,987 Fellow seekers of joy having one crazy night. 35 00:02:28,989 --> 00:02:31,456 And there was a woman, so pretty to all. 36 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:34,692 They worked up the courage, proceeded to call. 37 00:02:34,694 --> 00:02:36,293 - Excuse me. - Ethan said. 38 00:02:36,295 --> 00:02:37,862 And she turned with a fright. 39 00:02:37,864 --> 00:02:40,297 Where were you guys partying earlier tonight? 40 00:02:40,299 --> 00:02:43,134 At a place so great words cannot describe 41 00:02:43,136 --> 00:02:45,303 with so many drinks for one to imbibe. 42 00:02:45,305 --> 00:02:48,339 With so many drugs, I can't believe I survived. 43 00:02:48,341 --> 00:02:49,773 What the fuck... 44 00:02:49,775 --> 00:02:51,142 Ethan asked. 45 00:02:51,144 --> 00:02:52,910 ...is this party called? 46 00:02:52,912 --> 00:02:54,779 Why, you haven't heard? 47 00:02:54,781 --> 00:02:57,448 It's the Nutcracker Ball. 48 00:02:57,450 --> 00:03:00,285 They asked all around, but to no avail. 49 00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:04,122 Where was this great party, this whitest of whales? 50 00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:07,058 And though year upon year, they tried and they failed, 51 00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:10,828 they never did tire, they never did bail. 52 00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:13,164 But over time, the fun did wane. 53 00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:16,968 One friend had a family, the other had fame. 54 00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:20,071 As the years passed, his boys, they grew up. 55 00:03:20,073 --> 00:03:25,346 But it seems our boy Ethan is just a little bit stuck. 56 00:03:28,315 --> 00:03:31,015 What's up, buddy? No? 57 00:03:31,017 --> 00:03:33,218 All right. You guys want any of this? 58 00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:34,986 - No, thank you. - Cool. 59 00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:37,221 Keep it moving. There you go. 60 00:03:37,223 --> 00:03:38,523 Yes, good. 61 00:03:38,525 --> 00:03:40,825 Wait. No, no, no. What are you doing? 62 00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:42,527 No one was eating this tuna, so I thought... 63 00:03:42,529 --> 00:03:43,962 No, no, no. You don't get to make 64 00:03:43,964 --> 00:03:45,497 those executive decisions, elf. 65 00:03:45,499 --> 00:03:47,832 How old are you? 66 00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:49,968 - Thirty-three. - Thirty-three. 67 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,835 Thirty-three years old, and you're an elf. 68 00:03:51,837 --> 00:03:54,272 And you don't even know how to be an elf. 69 00:03:54,274 --> 00:03:56,241 Show me the elf face. 70 00:03:56,243 --> 00:03:57,408 Uh... 71 00:03:57,410 --> 00:04:00,144 It's happy. It's eager. 72 00:04:00,146 --> 00:04:01,479 More whimsical. 73 00:04:01,481 --> 00:04:04,114 Whimsy. Determined, though. 74 00:04:04,116 --> 00:04:06,483 - There you go! That's it! - That was it. 75 00:04:06,485 --> 00:04:08,952 That's why you're coming back here with a full tray. 76 00:04:08,954 --> 00:04:10,387 I'm gonna move you to coat check. 77 00:04:10,389 --> 00:04:11,956 This is your last chance. 78 00:04:11,958 --> 00:04:15,093 And the whole time, I wanna see that elf face. 79 00:04:15,095 --> 00:04:17,996 - Okay. - Starting now. 80 00:04:17,998 --> 00:04:19,263 Go. 81 00:04:19,265 --> 00:04:21,034 Go. 82 00:04:23,236 --> 00:04:27,538 These two are together. No, gotta take the ticket. 83 00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:29,206 Hi. Just you, sir? 84 00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:31,943 Great. This is your ticket. Please try not to lose it. 85 00:04:31,945 --> 00:04:34,379 This is a very expensive coat, so take care of it. 86 00:04:34,381 --> 00:04:36,114 Absolutely, sir. 87 00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:38,583 Here, ticket. Okay, this one. 88 00:04:38,585 --> 00:04:40,285 Yeah. 89 00:04:40,287 --> 00:04:41,819 Yeah. Great. 90 00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:44,021 Hi. Merry Christmas, sir. 91 00:05:00,140 --> 00:05:01,472 Hey, what are you doing? 92 00:05:01,474 --> 00:05:03,544 Huh? Nothing. 93 00:05:06,446 --> 00:05:07,578 I'm gonna be right back. 94 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:08,946 Now, where are you going? 95 00:05:08,948 --> 00:05:11,348 I'm sick. Sick. 96 00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:14,451 Whoa! 97 00:05:26,465 --> 00:05:29,900 You're about to have the best night of your life. 98 00:05:29,902 --> 00:05:31,201 You will learn valuable lessons, 99 00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:32,603 be filled with Christmas cheer, 100 00:05:32,605 --> 00:05:33,905 and probably get laid. 101 00:05:33,907 --> 00:05:37,508 We will release the location of our party at 10 p.m. 102 00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:38,943 Merry Christmas. 103 00:05:59,232 --> 00:06:00,999 Yeah, I know, Ma. I'm sorry, 104 00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:03,400 but I have to stay here and work hard. 105 00:06:03,402 --> 00:06:06,103 How you think I'm having such an amazing season? 106 00:06:06,105 --> 00:06:08,639 I love you too. Merry Christmas. 107 00:06:08,641 --> 00:06:10,641 Bye. 108 00:06:14,914 --> 00:06:16,915 What's up, fellas? How's it going, man? 109 00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:18,448 Good to see you, baby. Merry Christmas. 110 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:20,985 You wanna take a picture, man? Let's do it. 111 00:06:20,987 --> 00:06:23,423 Just leave it! 112 00:06:25,157 --> 00:06:28,425 If you're not Christian, what are you? 113 00:06:28,427 --> 00:06:29,927 I'm Jewish. 114 00:06:29,929 --> 00:06:31,129 Is that why you look different? 115 00:06:31,131 --> 00:06:32,629 What was that? Come again. 116 00:06:32,631 --> 00:06:35,266 You just look funny. 117 00:06:35,268 --> 00:06:36,934 I look funny? 118 00:06:36,936 --> 00:06:38,604 You ever see The Shining? 119 00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:41,239 - Isaac? - Yo! 120 00:06:41,241 --> 00:06:43,107 - What are you telling them? - I'm just talking 121 00:06:43,109 --> 00:06:44,441 to your lovely daughters 122 00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:47,978 as though they are adults. From a cognitive level, 123 00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:49,179 if you speak to kids like they're adults, 124 00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:50,514 it will make them more curious, 125 00:06:50,516 --> 00:06:52,383 it will open up their minds to more things. 126 00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:54,552 - He's gonna be a great father. - Yeah. 127 00:06:54,554 --> 00:06:58,021 I just hope we have kids as beautiful as you girls. 128 00:06:58,023 --> 00:06:59,357 - Ow! - I'm sorry. 129 00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:01,359 Sweeties, just come help Mommy in the kitchen. 130 00:07:01,361 --> 00:07:03,528 - Are you okay? You want a hug? - That's okay. 131 00:07:03,530 --> 00:07:05,028 Oh, okay. 132 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:07,364 Gosh, I am such a fucking piece of shit. 133 00:07:07,366 --> 00:07:09,199 - No, you're not at all. - I'm the worst mom. 134 00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:11,102 - I'm gonna be terrible. - No. Don't say that. 135 00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:12,369 What if I screw this up? 136 00:07:12,371 --> 00:07:14,571 You won't. Studies show your maternal instincts 137 00:07:14,573 --> 00:07:16,040 really kick in in the last month. 138 00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:17,408 I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. 139 00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,076 It's fine. I love you so much. Okay? 140 00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:21,345 I love you too. 141 00:07:21,347 --> 00:07:23,280 Bets, look who it is. 142 00:07:23,282 --> 00:07:24,514 Ethan! 143 00:07:24,516 --> 00:07:25,717 Merry Christmas. 144 00:07:25,719 --> 00:07:27,585 Oh, my God! You look so big! 145 00:07:27,587 --> 00:07:29,186 - No. - No? 146 00:07:29,188 --> 00:07:31,189 You don't know a lot of pregnant women, do you? 147 00:07:31,191 --> 00:07:33,191 - I meant the baby. - No, I look really big. 148 00:07:33,193 --> 00:07:34,759 You look great. The baby's probably cramped 149 00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:37,461 - inside of your small, fit body. - Thanks. No, that's enough. 150 00:07:37,463 --> 00:07:40,098 - Just shut up. It's all good. - I don't know what to say. 151 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,532 She looks beautiful. 152 00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:42,766 - You want a drink? - Sure. 153 00:07:42,768 --> 00:07:44,167 Do you want a drink, honey? 154 00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:45,470 I'm okay right now. 155 00:07:45,472 --> 00:07:47,205 Really? 156 00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:50,107 Yeah. I'm kind of on call. Gotta keep my head on straight. 157 00:07:50,109 --> 00:07:51,509 - But you're gonna drink tonight? - Yeah. For sure. 158 00:07:51,511 --> 00:07:53,610 - Because I'm already kind of drunk. - I can tell. 159 00:07:55,015 --> 00:07:56,614 - Okay. That's Chris. - Yeah. 160 00:07:56,616 --> 00:07:58,115 Everybody, look who it is! 161 00:07:58,117 --> 00:08:02,285 Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah! 162 00:08:02,287 --> 00:08:04,689 Hey, man. How's it going? 163 00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:07,525 Whoa! Look at this! Oh, my God! 164 00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:09,326 I couldn't even tell you were pregnant 165 00:08:09,328 --> 00:08:10,627 till I saw you from the side. 166 00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:12,030 Look how tiny you are! 167 00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,431 That's so nice of you to say. 168 00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:15,633 That is how you talk to a pregnant woman. 169 00:08:15,635 --> 00:08:18,102 It's amazing. You've had the season of a lifetime. 170 00:08:18,104 --> 00:08:19,237 Congratulations, man. 171 00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:20,771 - Congrats. - Thanks, man. 172 00:08:20,773 --> 00:08:24,475 Got a new workout, new diet, new Paleo thing I've been doing. 173 00:08:24,477 --> 00:08:26,778 I've heard about that. And it works? 174 00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:28,478 It rips you up. If you see me naked, 175 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,148 - it'll blow your mind. - I'd love to. 176 00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:33,317 ♪ Five golden rings ♪ 177 00:08:33,319 --> 00:08:34,318 Kick ass. 178 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,786 ♪ Four calling birds ♪ 179 00:08:35,788 --> 00:08:38,555 - ♪ Three French hens ♪ - ♪ Two turtle doves ♪ 180 00:08:38,557 --> 00:08:40,525 ♪ And a partridge In a pear tree ♪ 181 00:08:40,527 --> 00:08:43,126 Really can't believe we're doing this again this year. 182 00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:44,761 I was done a few years ago, to be totally honest. 183 00:08:44,763 --> 00:08:46,731 We're like those kids who won't stop trick-or-treating. 184 00:08:46,733 --> 00:08:49,299 Eventually, they come to your door, you're like, "Eh." 185 00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:50,635 - "No candy for you." - No. 186 00:08:50,637 --> 00:08:52,136 "Pack it in, kid." 187 00:08:52,138 --> 00:08:53,804 But this is it. This is the last Christmas. 188 00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:55,272 Last time. Right? 189 00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:56,774 - Is he cool with it? - Yeah, I think so. 190 00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:58,376 He looks happy right now, right? 191 00:08:58,378 --> 00:09:00,377 I'm just saying, we're enabling him at this point. 192 00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:02,847 We're not helping him get over his own problems. 193 00:09:02,849 --> 00:09:05,149 On a psychological level, that's not good. 194 00:09:05,151 --> 00:09:06,583 I've made a decision. 195 00:09:06,585 --> 00:09:08,685 For a Christmas present, I'll take him under my wing. 196 00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:10,655 I'm gonna help him and get him out of this rut. 197 00:09:10,657 --> 00:09:12,723 It's a conversation we've been avoiding for 10 years. 198 00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:15,525 - I know. - Just do it easy. 199 00:09:15,527 --> 00:09:16,761 I'm going all in. 200 00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:18,596 - Don't go all in. - Balls and all. 201 00:09:18,598 --> 00:09:23,637 ♪ And a partridge In a pear tree ♪ 202 00:09:24,838 --> 00:09:26,304 ♪ On the eighth... ♪ 203 00:09:26,306 --> 00:09:27,704 Have fun. 204 00:09:27,706 --> 00:09:30,141 Take good care of my husband, all right? I like him. 205 00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:31,309 We will. 206 00:09:31,311 --> 00:09:33,578 Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello. 207 00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:34,445 Yeah, no. 208 00:09:34,447 --> 00:09:36,747 - No, no. Merry Christmas. - Mwah. 209 00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,281 Bye-bye. 210 00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:40,318 - Congratulations. - Mwah. Good to see you. 211 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,520 - Luckiest guy in the Park. - I sure am. Bye. 212 00:09:42,522 --> 00:09:44,322 Can I talk to you for a second real quick? 213 00:09:44,324 --> 00:09:45,823 What? We're not doing gifts now, are we? 214 00:09:45,825 --> 00:09:47,424 No, we're doing them tomorrow, 215 00:09:47,426 --> 00:09:49,861 but this one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight. 216 00:09:49,863 --> 00:09:52,597 - What is it? - You have been such a rock 217 00:09:52,599 --> 00:09:54,866 throughout this whole pregnancy. 218 00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:56,633 You're like my Dwayne Johnson. 219 00:09:56,635 --> 00:09:58,301 Thank you. 220 00:09:58,303 --> 00:10:00,170 It's Christmas now, and we've almost made it, 221 00:10:00,172 --> 00:10:02,240 and you deserve this. So Merry Christmas. 222 00:10:02,242 --> 00:10:03,573 Is it cologne? 223 00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:05,609 No. 224 00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,680 Holy shit! 225 00:10:10,682 --> 00:10:13,885 It's every single drug in the whole world. 226 00:10:13,887 --> 00:10:15,486 Why are you giving this to me? 227 00:10:15,488 --> 00:10:17,487 You've been so focused on me and the baby, 228 00:10:17,489 --> 00:10:19,689 and tonight I think you should just focus on yourself. 229 00:10:19,691 --> 00:10:22,727 Go out there, get fucking wild, you know? 230 00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:24,761 Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocaine for... 231 00:10:24,763 --> 00:10:27,231 - 11 years, I don't think. - No one has, I don't think. 232 00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:29,266 That's amazing. Where did you get all this shit? 233 00:10:29,268 --> 00:10:31,234 - Craigslist. - You got it from Craigslist? 234 00:10:31,236 --> 00:10:33,271 I just typed in the search "NYC drugs." 235 00:10:33,273 --> 00:10:34,438 Really resourceful of you. 236 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,939 It's your last Christmas together, 237 00:10:35,941 --> 00:10:37,541 so have fun. Enjoy it. 238 00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:39,709 - Thank you so much. - Yeah. I love you. 239 00:10:39,711 --> 00:10:41,945 This is so great. I'll have my phone with me. 240 00:10:41,947 --> 00:10:43,580 I'll be home pretty early, I think. 241 00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:45,248 - Okay, all right. - Okay. I love you. 242 00:10:47,787 --> 00:10:49,487 What? 243 00:10:49,489 --> 00:10:51,255 What the fuck is this? 244 00:10:51,257 --> 00:10:53,391 This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas. 245 00:10:53,393 --> 00:10:56,794 You are now looking at the face and body of Red Bull. 246 00:10:56,796 --> 00:10:58,529 Wow! Congratulations, man! 247 00:10:58,531 --> 00:11:00,430 Right? Since this is our final Christmas, 248 00:11:00,432 --> 00:11:02,299 I figured we could do it in class. 249 00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:03,968 This is what the spirit of Christmas 250 00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:05,937 is all about. A rich athlete finally getting 251 00:11:05,939 --> 00:11:07,737 the corporate limo that he always wanted. 252 00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:09,339 - Exactly! - I think so. 253 00:11:09,341 --> 00:11:11,442 Let's go, get in. You gotta see this. Come on. 254 00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:13,444 Cool! 255 00:11:13,446 --> 00:11:15,846 Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys! 256 00:11:15,848 --> 00:11:17,681 All right. 257 00:11:17,683 --> 00:11:20,351 Yo! What's up, everybody? This your man, C-Rob. 258 00:11:20,353 --> 00:11:22,953 We in the Red Bull Limo. And we Dom P'in it, 259 00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:25,790 we have Cristal in it, Hennythuggin' it 260 00:11:25,792 --> 00:11:27,692 and we got Red Bull! 261 00:11:27,694 --> 00:11:31,695 I'm capturing this on my Sony Xperia Ultra phone. 262 00:11:31,697 --> 00:11:34,365 No matter what the light, the picture's right. All right? 263 00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:36,299 This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you. 264 00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:37,867 What happening? Peace! 265 00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:40,371 Peace! Wow! 266 00:11:40,373 --> 00:11:41,705 And, Internet. 267 00:11:41,707 --> 00:11:43,573 - His social media game is crazy. - On point. 268 00:11:43,575 --> 00:11:45,575 - Really on point, yeah. - On point. 269 00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:47,844 Five million people probably just saw that. 270 00:11:47,846 --> 00:11:49,613 Hey there. 271 00:11:49,615 --> 00:11:52,717 Didn't wanna interrupt while you guys were rolling back there. 272 00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:54,751 Great video, by the way. I just watched it. 273 00:11:54,753 --> 00:11:55,987 That was fast. 274 00:11:55,989 --> 00:11:57,554 My name's Joshua. I'm gonna be 275 00:11:57,556 --> 00:11:59,723 your Red Bull-provided driver for the evening. 276 00:11:59,725 --> 00:12:01,324 First stop: Rockefeller Center, right? 277 00:12:01,326 --> 00:12:02,727 - Thank you, Josh. - Raise partition. 278 00:12:02,729 --> 00:12:04,261 Nice meeting you, Josh. 279 00:12:04,263 --> 00:12:06,530 I'm doing the hang-loose thing too much. 280 00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:08,866 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll call you. There we go. 281 00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,434 Check out what Betsy gave me. 282 00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:11,736 It's a bunch of drugs. 283 00:12:11,738 --> 00:12:13,003 We eat a little 'shrooms 284 00:12:13,005 --> 00:12:14,538 to kind of trip out a little bit, 285 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:16,439 look at the lights, all the sparkly lights. 286 00:12:16,441 --> 00:12:17,875 Let's start with the champagne. 287 00:12:17,877 --> 00:12:20,046 Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah! 288 00:12:21,614 --> 00:12:24,615 - Aim it out the window! - Oh! 289 00:12:32,325 --> 00:12:33,790 So, what's up, E? How's life, man? 290 00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:34,958 Life is good! 291 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,493 - Yeah? - Yeah, dude. 292 00:12:36,495 --> 00:12:38,596 How's the music going? Any gigs coming up? 293 00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:40,430 Not gigs, but gigs are overrated, dude. 294 00:12:40,432 --> 00:12:42,032 People are on their phones the whole time. 295 00:12:42,034 --> 00:12:43,501 - Know what I mean? - Totally. 296 00:12:43,503 --> 00:12:44,801 The thing I'm working on now 297 00:12:44,803 --> 00:12:46,703 you really have to listen to it start to finish. 298 00:12:46,705 --> 00:12:48,372 - It's a concept album. - What's the concept? 299 00:12:48,374 --> 00:12:50,940 I'm still conceptualizing that part of it, 300 00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:52,676 - but it's about who you know... - C-Rob, sign this? 301 00:12:52,678 --> 00:12:54,344 - ...more than anything. - Wait up. 302 00:12:54,346 --> 00:12:55,578 How's it going? Hey, Merry Christmas. 303 00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:57,515 - Photobomb! - There you go. All right. 304 00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:59,784 - That just happens now? - People love C-Rob. 305 00:12:59,786 --> 00:13:01,819 So how about Diana? You talk to her? 306 00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:04,655 How's things going with that? Hate to see that one get away. 307 00:13:04,657 --> 00:13:06,390 - It's still over. - It's over. Don't worry. 308 00:13:06,392 --> 00:13:08,492 But it's okay. It's no one's fault. 309 00:13:08,494 --> 00:13:09,926 We just drifted apart. 310 00:13:09,928 --> 00:13:11,395 Look, we're at the tree! 311 00:13:11,397 --> 00:13:12,997 Why don't we talk about it another time? 312 00:13:12,999 --> 00:13:14,768 - What? - Not now, man. 313 00:13:18,805 --> 00:13:20,538 Wow. 314 00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:22,506 Gentlemen, 315 00:13:22,508 --> 00:13:26,644 14 years ago to this very night, a tradition was born. 316 00:13:26,646 --> 00:13:28,878 That year some drunk, fucking asshole 317 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,613 hit my parents with a car. 318 00:13:30,615 --> 00:13:33,550 So that Christmas, I didn't have any family to be with, 319 00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:35,685 but you guys were there for me. 320 00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:36,987 But tonight! 321 00:13:36,989 --> 00:13:38,488 Tonight's different. 322 00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:41,692 We have mutually decided to end this tradition. 323 00:13:41,694 --> 00:13:43,126 Isaac's about to have a baby. 324 00:13:43,128 --> 00:13:45,062 And Chris is just too fucking famous 325 00:13:45,064 --> 00:13:46,630 - to hang out with us anymore. - Big man. 326 00:13:46,632 --> 00:13:48,665 But guys, earlier today 327 00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:52,535 I witnessed a real-life Christmas miracle. 328 00:13:52,537 --> 00:13:53,838 Where the fuck did you get those? 329 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,839 - Holy shit! Are those real? - They are fucking real! 330 00:13:55,841 --> 00:13:57,742 Where did they come from? 331 00:13:57,744 --> 00:14:00,377 It doesn't matter! It's a fucking Christmas miracle! 332 00:14:00,379 --> 00:14:01,746 You killed somebody for those? 333 00:14:01,748 --> 00:14:02,579 No, I stole them. 334 00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:04,848 That's awesome! What a blowout! 335 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:07,952 It is the Nutcracker Ball! 336 00:14:07,954 --> 00:14:09,420 Yes! 337 00:14:09,422 --> 00:14:11,756 So I called the number on these tickets. 338 00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:14,424 They don't give out the address till 10. 339 00:14:14,426 --> 00:14:16,526 So that gives us several hours 340 00:14:16,528 --> 00:14:18,529 to hit as many Christmas traditions as possible! 341 00:14:18,531 --> 00:14:19,963 Let's do it. 342 00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:22,165 It's gonna be the best fucking night of our lives! 343 00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,666 I'm so psyched, man. Awesome. 344 00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:26,138 Maybe it'll be the new Christmas tradition. 345 00:14:27,773 --> 00:14:30,141 I don't know if we're really replacing this 346 00:14:30,143 --> 00:14:31,608 with another tradition. 347 00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:33,644 That was a joke, Isaac. Give me some credit. 348 00:14:33,646 --> 00:14:36,112 Obviously, that was a joke. I am totally cool with it. 349 00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:37,615 Obviously, he's joking. 350 00:14:37,617 --> 00:14:40,184 - Definitely. - Gentlemen, I got the sweaters. 351 00:14:40,186 --> 00:14:41,584 This one's for you. 352 00:14:41,586 --> 00:14:43,087 - This is for you. - Nice. 353 00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:44,454 Let's do this! 354 00:14:44,456 --> 00:14:46,424 Let's do it. Hey, where'd he go? 355 00:15:25,898 --> 00:15:29,900 ♪ Who gotcha! Who gotcha! Who gotcha! Who gotcha! ♪ 356 00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:34,006 ♪ Who gotcha! Who gotcha! Who gotcha! Who gotcha! ♪ 357 00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:38,074 ♪ And I always find Yeah, I always find ♪ 358 00:15:38,076 --> 00:15:39,846 ♪ Something wrong ♪ 359 00:15:41,013 --> 00:15:42,780 ♪ You been putting up With my shit ♪ 360 00:15:42,782 --> 00:15:45,949 ♪ Just way too long ♪ 361 00:15:45,951 --> 00:15:50,723 ♪ I'm so gifted at finding What I don't like the most ♪ 362 00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:56,559 ♪ So I think it's time For us to have a toast ♪ 363 00:15:56,561 --> 00:15:58,695 ♪ Let's have a toast For the douche bags ♪ 364 00:15:58,697 --> 00:16:01,232 ♪ Let's have a toast For the assholes ♪ 365 00:16:01,234 --> 00:16:04,101 ♪ Let's have a toast For the scumbags ♪ 366 00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:06,937 ♪ Every one of them That I know ♪ 367 00:16:06,939 --> 00:16:09,740 ♪ Let's have a toast For the jerk-offs ♪ 368 00:16:09,742 --> 00:16:12,642 ♪ That'll never Take work off ♪ 369 00:16:12,644 --> 00:16:14,878 ♪ Baby, I got a plan ♪ 370 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,780 ♪ Run away As fast as you can ♪ 371 00:16:17,782 --> 00:16:20,786 ♪ Run away As fast as you can ♪ 372 00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:24,655 Soup's on! 373 00:16:24,657 --> 00:16:26,223 Hey, Thuwan! How's it going, my man? 374 00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:28,559 Now it's Christmas. It's not Christmas 375 00:16:28,561 --> 00:16:29,926 till we eat egg drop soup. 376 00:16:29,928 --> 00:16:32,128 It brings me back. Who are you calling right now? 377 00:16:32,130 --> 00:16:34,598 - Calling Tommy Owens. - You're calling Tommy Owens? 378 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,599 - Who's Tommy Owens? - Best player in the league. 379 00:16:36,601 --> 00:16:38,935 - Tommy! - C-Money, what's up, my man? 380 00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:40,703 Merry Christmas. 381 00:16:40,705 --> 00:16:42,205 Tell him hi. 382 00:16:42,207 --> 00:16:44,607 - Hennessy! - We going to the Nutcracker Ball. 383 00:16:44,609 --> 00:16:45,809 I got tickets for my boys. 384 00:16:45,811 --> 00:16:47,111 I got us on the list for the party 385 00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:49,280 the after-party, the before-party, every party. 386 00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:50,981 Congrats, baby, you coming up big time. 387 00:16:50,983 --> 00:16:53,049 What we do, baby. That's what we do! 388 00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:54,885 Tell him to bring some green with him. 389 00:16:54,887 --> 00:16:57,854 C-Money, while I got you on the phone, I hate to even ask, 390 00:16:57,856 --> 00:16:59,723 but you think you could bring us some weed? 391 00:16:59,725 --> 00:17:01,891 Yeah, I can get weed. Look who you're talking to, baby. 392 00:17:01,893 --> 00:17:04,627 - Come on. It's Chris Money. - Smoke it up! 393 00:17:04,629 --> 00:17:06,195 I'll see you at the Nutcracker Ball. 394 00:17:06,197 --> 00:17:08,165 I'll bring a half a pound and we gonna roll. Much love. 395 00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:10,335 One. Chris love out. Peace. 396 00:17:12,038 --> 00:17:13,771 How much weed you got in that box? 397 00:17:13,773 --> 00:17:15,239 I don't know. Why don't we check? 398 00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:16,639 Check it out, playa. 399 00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:19,175 Someone call Snoop D-O-double gezzank, 400 00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:21,678 because I got the reefers. 401 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,946 You have one joint? 402 00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:24,647 She doesn't know much about drugs. 403 00:17:24,649 --> 00:17:26,250 The proportions of this shit is all off. 404 00:17:26,252 --> 00:17:27,818 Dude, we need to get some weed. 405 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,252 Can we just not get derailed here? 406 00:17:29,254 --> 00:17:31,655 This is not about some famous athlete and his weed. 407 00:17:31,657 --> 00:17:32,822 This is about the three of us. 408 00:17:32,824 --> 00:17:34,357 This is our last Christmas together. 409 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:36,059 It is about a famous athlete and his weed. 410 00:17:36,061 --> 00:17:37,927 I've been on this dude's team for six years, 411 00:17:37,929 --> 00:17:40,129 and he finally knows who I am. If I can deliver this weed, 412 00:17:40,131 --> 00:17:43,067 we could smoke with Tommy Owens and hang with him all night! 413 00:17:43,069 --> 00:17:44,902 I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens. 414 00:17:44,904 --> 00:17:46,369 See? He wants to smoke with Tommy. 415 00:17:46,371 --> 00:17:47,838 Okay. Okay. 416 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,340 - Where do we get some weed from? - Uh... 417 00:17:50,342 --> 00:17:52,342 We could call Mr. Green. 418 00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:54,677 Why are we outside our high school again? 419 00:17:54,679 --> 00:17:57,246 Because he's a fucking drug-dealer and he's suspicious, 420 00:17:57,248 --> 00:17:59,883 and he doesn't meet you unless he's met you there before. 421 00:17:59,885 --> 00:18:01,217 So it's either our old high school 422 00:18:01,219 --> 00:18:02,819 or this guy's mom's house. 423 00:18:02,821 --> 00:18:05,356 - That's not happening. - I know. So it's here. 424 00:18:07,059 --> 00:18:08,358 Shit. Is that you? 425 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,260 It's not mine. 426 00:18:10,262 --> 00:18:12,663 - No. - Oh, shit. 427 00:18:12,665 --> 00:18:14,964 That was there before. 428 00:18:14,966 --> 00:18:16,834 Do they even make payphones anymore? 429 00:18:16,836 --> 00:18:18,335 Don't touch it. People wipe their butts on those. 430 00:18:18,337 --> 00:18:20,037 This is how you gotta talk to him. 431 00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:21,204 Don't pick up! 432 00:18:21,206 --> 00:18:22,705 Hello! 1998 speaking. 433 00:18:22,707 --> 00:18:24,375 That's gross. 434 00:18:24,377 --> 00:18:25,975 Oh. 435 00:18:25,977 --> 00:18:28,846 Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks. He's right there. 436 00:18:28,848 --> 00:18:31,682 Go ahead. Go get the weed. 437 00:18:31,684 --> 00:18:33,884 - I'm not going. You're going. - Just get it. 438 00:18:33,886 --> 00:18:35,886 - Come on, don't be a baby. - It's your weed! 439 00:18:35,888 --> 00:18:37,390 Shit. 440 00:18:39,157 --> 00:18:43,126 Is it just me? He's changed a little bit, right? 441 00:18:43,128 --> 00:18:46,763 Uh, yeah, he seems like he's excited about his fame. 442 00:18:46,765 --> 00:18:49,366 I think it's our job to sort of just keep him in check. 443 00:18:49,368 --> 00:18:52,136 Sometimes, you think it's easy to tell your friend something, 444 00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:54,137 and it's actually hard to tell them that thing 445 00:18:54,139 --> 00:18:56,139 once you're confronted with the actual moment 446 00:18:56,141 --> 00:18:57,875 that you would tell them that thing. 447 00:18:57,877 --> 00:18:59,445 You know what I mean? 448 00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:07,216 Mr. Green! What's up, man? 449 00:19:07,218 --> 00:19:08,918 Good evening. 450 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,788 How you doing? It's good to see you. 451 00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,188 I'm glad you open on Christmas. 452 00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:15,759 A lot of people need me on Christmas, you know. 453 00:19:15,761 --> 00:19:18,127 It's a tough holiday. 454 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:19,296 I know you. 455 00:19:19,298 --> 00:19:20,798 Yeah. 456 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,265 You used to sell weed to me and my friends 457 00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:24,434 when we were in high school. Yeah, that's crazy. 458 00:19:24,436 --> 00:19:26,770 So, what do you want? 459 00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,807 Your best shit, man. That chronic, that drow, that... 460 00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:31,442 Yeah, yeah. Some of that. 461 00:19:31,444 --> 00:19:35,279 It's good to see you kids still hanging out and smoking up. 462 00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:36,780 Makes me proud. 463 00:19:36,782 --> 00:19:38,348 Thanks, man. We're just kind of trying 464 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,117 to keep the dream alive, you know? 465 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,453 But this is not for us. This is for a good friend of mine. 466 00:19:42,455 --> 00:19:45,121 Tommy Owens. Quarterback. The Messiah. 467 00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:47,890 You know what? As far as I'm concerned 468 00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:49,126 there's only one Messiah. 469 00:19:49,128 --> 00:19:53,062 Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 470 00:19:53,064 --> 00:19:55,065 So that name's a little blasphemous. 471 00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,103 Yeah. 472 00:20:03,943 --> 00:20:06,743 The Weed of Christmas Present. 473 00:20:06,745 --> 00:20:08,912 I'm an athlete, so drug-free body. 474 00:20:08,914 --> 00:20:10,880 Drug-free zone. No smoking. 475 00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:14,318 You buying that for somebody and you're not gonna test it? 476 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,953 That could be oregano. 477 00:20:15,955 --> 00:20:19,257 - Orega-what? - Oregano. 478 00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:33,505 So... 479 00:20:34,807 --> 00:20:36,440 Something special supposed to happen? 480 00:20:36,442 --> 00:20:38,308 It just did. 481 00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:41,014 You're in the present. 482 00:20:44,015 --> 00:20:46,983 What? Maybe I'm high or something, man, I don't... 483 00:20:46,985 --> 00:20:50,354 Or maybe you're in the present. 484 00:20:50,356 --> 00:20:53,857 The Weed of Christmas Present. 485 00:20:53,859 --> 00:20:55,224 Well, with that logic, 486 00:20:55,226 --> 00:20:57,528 isn't all weed the Weed of Christmas Present? 487 00:20:57,530 --> 00:21:00,198 Only on Christmas, kid. 488 00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:04,033 Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks. 489 00:21:04,035 --> 00:21:07,171 Oh. All right. I'll get your hundreds. 490 00:21:07,173 --> 00:21:08,972 If you guys ain't doing nothing later, 491 00:21:08,974 --> 00:21:10,840 you should stop by this party I'm throwing. 492 00:21:10,842 --> 00:21:12,341 It's a hell of a bash. 493 00:21:12,343 --> 00:21:14,411 You serious? 494 00:21:14,413 --> 00:21:16,445 It's not in my car. 495 00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:18,014 It's a real party. 496 00:21:18,016 --> 00:21:20,584 Uh, we already got invited to something. Sorry. 497 00:21:20,586 --> 00:21:22,418 But thank you for the invite. 498 00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:26,324 That's no problem. My feelings aren't hurt. Not really. 499 00:21:29,494 --> 00:21:31,828 Tell Isaac, "I'll see you in a couple hours." 500 00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,129 What? 501 00:21:33,131 --> 00:21:36,867 Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours. 502 00:21:36,869 --> 00:21:39,502 How did he get so good all of a sudden? 503 00:21:39,504 --> 00:21:40,971 I don't know. 504 00:21:40,973 --> 00:21:43,676 Oh, here we go. Here we go. 505 00:21:46,278 --> 00:21:48,912 That shit was the weirdest fucking experience of my life. 506 00:21:48,914 --> 00:21:50,446 - Really? - But I got the weed. 507 00:21:50,448 --> 00:21:52,049 Nice! 508 00:21:52,051 --> 00:21:54,151 Come on, let's go tear this fucking karaoke down. 509 00:21:54,153 --> 00:21:56,419 Let them bitches know the Ice Crew in the building! 510 00:21:56,421 --> 00:21:58,055 Let's do it, baby. 511 00:21:58,057 --> 00:22:00,456 - Did you practice the moves? - Oh, I've been practicing. 512 00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:01,924 Hey! 513 00:22:05,063 --> 00:22:07,499 Whoa. Happy feet, happy feet. 514 00:22:11,337 --> 00:22:14,238 Show them, huh! 515 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,473 ♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪ 516 00:22:16,475 --> 00:22:19,509 ♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪ 517 00:22:19,511 --> 00:22:21,544 ♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪ 518 00:22:21,546 --> 00:22:24,348 ♪ And Santa's putting toys Under Christmas trees ♪ 519 00:22:24,350 --> 00:22:27,017 ♪ Decorate the house With lights at night ♪ 520 00:22:27,019 --> 00:22:29,252 ♪ Snow on the ground Snow white so bright ♪ 521 00:22:29,254 --> 00:22:31,621 ♪ In the fireplace Is the yule log ♪ 522 00:22:31,623 --> 00:22:34,357 ♪ Beneath the mistletoe is Where we're drinkin' eggnog ♪ 523 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,159 ♪ The rhymes that you hear Are the rhymes of Darryl's ♪ 524 00:22:37,161 --> 00:22:40,496 ♪ But each and every year We bust Christmas carols ♪ 525 00:22:43,636 --> 00:22:46,172 Got my prenup. 526 00:22:52,645 --> 00:22:54,944 I think the 'shrooms are kicking in. 527 00:22:54,946 --> 00:22:57,213 ♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪ 528 00:22:57,215 --> 00:22:59,482 ♪ I'm chilling and cooling Like a snowman ♪ 529 00:22:59,484 --> 00:23:01,117 ♪ So open your eyes, Lend us an ear ♪ 530 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,452 ♪ We want to say ♪ 531 00:23:02,454 --> 00:23:05,588 ♪ Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year ♪ 532 00:23:08,426 --> 00:23:10,527 Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew! 533 00:23:10,529 --> 00:23:12,261 We just got one thing to say! 534 00:23:12,263 --> 00:23:15,168 Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah! 535 00:23:19,338 --> 00:23:21,003 - It's happening. - You okay? 536 00:23:21,005 --> 00:23:22,338 - You feel good? - Yeah. 537 00:23:22,340 --> 00:23:24,273 Ethan, it's Diana! 538 00:23:24,275 --> 00:23:26,209 - Hi. - What's up? 539 00:23:26,211 --> 00:23:28,478 Chris, I wanna say hi to you, but you're surrounded by fans! 540 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,513 I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan! 541 00:23:30,515 --> 00:23:33,250 He looks really great! Let's go outside and Instagram. 542 00:23:33,252 --> 00:23:34,952 My social media game is on point! 543 00:23:34,954 --> 00:23:36,986 - That guy's really famous now. - Yeah. 544 00:23:36,988 --> 00:23:38,155 Super famous. 545 00:23:38,157 --> 00:23:40,290 So good seeing you guys! 546 00:23:40,292 --> 00:23:42,291 Merry Christmas. What are you guys doing here? 547 00:23:42,293 --> 00:23:45,162 It's the only karaoke place that's open on Christmas. 548 00:23:45,164 --> 00:23:46,996 Yeah, it's our tradition. 549 00:23:46,998 --> 00:23:49,031 I should've remembered that you guys come here. 550 00:23:49,033 --> 00:23:50,399 But Run-DMC, I got to see it! Finally. 551 00:23:50,401 --> 00:23:52,135 - You liked it? - It was awesome. 552 00:23:52,137 --> 00:23:53,470 This is what you guys missed. 553 00:23:53,472 --> 00:23:55,038 She did Miley Cyrus. 554 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,040 She destroyed Wrecking Ball. It was amazing. 555 00:23:57,042 --> 00:23:58,709 - You still like that song. - Everybody does. 556 00:23:58,711 --> 00:24:02,279 You can cry to it. You can run to it. You can party to it. 557 00:24:02,281 --> 00:24:05,315 - Timeless! - Uh, what are you guys doing? 558 00:24:05,317 --> 00:24:07,350 We're having a really fun night, actually. 559 00:24:07,352 --> 00:24:09,586 We're kind of going not too hard, but pretty hard. 560 00:24:09,588 --> 00:24:11,053 We're kind of just... 561 00:24:11,055 --> 00:24:12,723 It's our last night doing the Christmas! 562 00:24:12,725 --> 00:24:16,326 - End of an era. - Last year. Last year. 563 00:24:16,328 --> 00:24:18,228 But it's been really fun, though. 564 00:24:18,230 --> 00:24:20,196 Of course. Betsy's giving birth in a month. 565 00:24:20,198 --> 00:24:21,464 She's having a baby, yeah. 566 00:24:21,466 --> 00:24:23,265 We're gonna miss her at the office. 567 00:24:23,267 --> 00:24:25,068 But she said you've been doing a very good job. 568 00:24:25,070 --> 00:24:27,104 That you're so prepared. 569 00:24:27,106 --> 00:24:29,005 You've read every single book on being a dad 570 00:24:29,007 --> 00:24:30,406 since books were created. 571 00:24:30,408 --> 00:24:32,309 I would be losing my shit right now. 572 00:24:32,311 --> 00:24:34,277 That you're prepared, like, over-prepared. 573 00:24:34,279 --> 00:24:35,645 He's solid. He's got the stats. 574 00:24:35,647 --> 00:24:38,280 A lot of men in your position fucking freak out. 575 00:24:38,282 --> 00:24:40,183 - They just leave. - And they take off. 576 00:24:40,185 --> 00:24:43,220 - It's an epidemic. - It's true. Are you guys... 577 00:24:43,222 --> 00:24:45,722 What the fuck! Are you guys okay? Are you okay? 578 00:24:45,724 --> 00:24:49,192 These lights in here fucking with you guys? Like a lot. 579 00:24:49,194 --> 00:24:50,527 Not really. 580 00:24:50,529 --> 00:24:52,662 I think moving around maybe from the dancing. 581 00:24:52,664 --> 00:24:54,164 Yeah. 582 00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,632 I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back. 583 00:24:55,634 --> 00:24:58,601 - That's a good idea. - It's good to see you. I'll be... 584 00:24:58,603 --> 00:25:01,203 Give her a call. 585 00:25:01,205 --> 00:25:02,806 You guys have a nice connection. 586 00:25:02,808 --> 00:25:05,678 Yeah, he's a sweetheart. 587 00:25:07,245 --> 00:25:08,444 - I'm gonna go to the bar... - No. 588 00:25:08,446 --> 00:25:10,113 - ...get more to drink. - No, no, no! 589 00:25:10,115 --> 00:25:11,781 - Nice to see you. - Merry Christmas. 590 00:25:11,783 --> 00:25:13,517 You look good. 591 00:25:14,786 --> 00:25:16,386 Hi. 592 00:25:16,388 --> 00:25:17,857 Hi. 593 00:25:23,294 --> 00:25:27,164 Okay. Come on. Whoo! The 'shrooms are turning. 594 00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:28,397 You got a big night ahead of you. 595 00:25:28,399 --> 00:25:30,133 Let's get something else going here. 596 00:25:30,135 --> 00:25:31,801 Cocaine. That'll straighten me out. 597 00:25:31,803 --> 00:25:34,671 Get in my brain. Make me feel different. 598 00:25:34,673 --> 00:25:35,838 Yeah. 599 00:25:40,244 --> 00:25:42,712 What's up, Messiah? How you doing, White Jesus? 600 00:25:42,714 --> 00:25:44,146 Yo, check it out. 601 00:25:44,148 --> 00:25:45,514 It's C-Rob, man. 602 00:25:45,516 --> 00:25:48,652 So everything's good. I got you. 603 00:25:48,654 --> 00:25:51,620 I got the shit. I got the weed. I got the smoke. 604 00:25:51,622 --> 00:25:55,459 You know what? I'm tripping. I'mma just text you, all right? 605 00:25:55,461 --> 00:25:58,360 What happened to peace? Peace. C-Rob out. 606 00:25:58,362 --> 00:26:01,831 Chris motherfucking Roberts! 607 00:26:01,833 --> 00:26:04,134 Well, I'm not Julia Roberts. 608 00:26:04,136 --> 00:26:06,470 But you are a pretty woman. 609 00:26:06,472 --> 00:26:07,838 Oh, shit! 610 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,772 Dude, I am such a fan. 611 00:26:09,774 --> 00:26:11,308 Meeting you here tonight 612 00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:14,144 this is enough to make Christmas tolerable for me. 613 00:26:14,146 --> 00:26:16,178 Whoa. You don't like Christmas? 614 00:26:16,180 --> 00:26:18,581 No. I fucking hate Christmas. 615 00:26:18,583 --> 00:26:21,818 Sorry to be, like, a Grinch. You're into it. 616 00:26:21,820 --> 00:26:23,854 This is amazing. 617 00:26:23,856 --> 00:26:26,723 As much as I hate Christmas, that's how much I love you. 618 00:26:26,725 --> 00:26:28,325 - Wow. - Sorry. 619 00:26:28,327 --> 00:26:30,327 Okay, I'm being too much. 620 00:26:30,329 --> 00:26:32,662 I'm jizzing all over you. I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry. 621 00:26:32,664 --> 00:26:35,365 No, no, no. Jizz all over me. I like that shit. 622 00:26:35,367 --> 00:26:37,867 You probably wanna go back to your friends. 623 00:26:37,869 --> 00:26:39,636 Fuck my friends. 624 00:26:39,638 --> 00:26:41,771 Friends come and go, 625 00:26:41,773 --> 00:26:43,540 but fans, that's forever. 626 00:26:43,542 --> 00:26:45,742 - You're naughty. - I'm very naughty. 627 00:26:45,744 --> 00:26:49,812 I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson, you naughty boy. 628 00:26:49,814 --> 00:26:51,213 Okay. 629 00:26:52,751 --> 00:26:54,986 The truth will set you free. 630 00:26:57,356 --> 00:26:59,188 Hey, yo. 631 00:26:59,190 --> 00:27:02,158 This is a message for future Isaac 632 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,360 from current Isaac. 633 00:27:04,362 --> 00:27:06,829 And I have to tell you to listen to me 634 00:27:06,831 --> 00:27:08,498 because right now I have clarity. 635 00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:10,232 You should not be having this fucking baby. 636 00:27:10,234 --> 00:27:11,902 This baby's a mistake. 637 00:27:11,904 --> 00:27:14,538 The baby will ruin your life. You'll ruin the baby's life! 638 00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:16,906 And then the baby will fucking murder people! 639 00:27:16,908 --> 00:27:18,541 I don't know what you do at this point, 640 00:27:18,543 --> 00:27:20,309 but get rid of this fucking baby! 641 00:27:20,311 --> 00:27:22,511 Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere! 642 00:27:22,513 --> 00:27:25,781 Put it in a basket and push it down a fucking river! 643 00:27:25,783 --> 00:27:27,184 Fuck you, baby! 644 00:27:27,186 --> 00:27:29,618 Fuck your baby-fucking little arms 645 00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:31,954 and your fucking chubby little baby-fucking legs! 646 00:27:31,956 --> 00:27:35,424 Fuck you, baby! Fuck you! Cunt! 647 00:27:37,862 --> 00:27:39,631 Okay. 648 00:27:40,866 --> 00:27:42,432 Fuck. 649 00:27:45,270 --> 00:27:47,203 Have some fun! Yeah! 650 00:27:47,205 --> 00:27:48,538 Let's party! 651 00:27:54,812 --> 00:27:56,780 - Isaac? - Fuck! Yeah! 652 00:27:56,782 --> 00:27:58,214 Hi, Sarah! Whaddup? 653 00:27:58,216 --> 00:27:59,482 - How's it going? - All right. 654 00:27:59,484 --> 00:28:02,418 Good. Cool. What's going on? You good? 655 00:28:02,420 --> 00:28:04,553 - You're so sweaty. - It's hot in here. I run hot. 656 00:28:04,555 --> 00:28:06,289 We have this tradition where we wear sweaters. 657 00:28:06,291 --> 00:28:07,590 I don't always wear a sweater, obviously. 658 00:28:07,592 --> 00:28:09,259 When I'm inside, I'd normally take it off. 659 00:28:09,261 --> 00:28:10,760 I think it would hurt my friends' feelings. 660 00:28:10,762 --> 00:28:12,761 You're talking so fast, you sound like an auctioneer. 661 00:28:12,763 --> 00:28:14,763 That's funny. Sold! 662 00:28:14,765 --> 00:28:15,932 That was kind of scary. 663 00:28:15,934 --> 00:28:17,399 Sorry. I don't mean to scare you. 664 00:28:17,401 --> 00:28:18,969 - By going, "Sold!" - Oh, my God! 665 00:28:18,971 --> 00:28:21,637 You shouldn't have said it. Now it's all I can think about. 666 00:28:21,639 --> 00:28:23,339 - You want a drink? - Okay. Sure. 667 00:28:23,341 --> 00:28:24,974 Let's have a drink. I'll be right back. 668 00:28:24,976 --> 00:28:26,342 Thanks, Isaac. 669 00:28:26,344 --> 00:28:28,712 ♪ Let's talk about sex ♪ 670 00:28:30,248 --> 00:28:31,848 Betsy said you've been asking about me. 671 00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:34,350 - That's a lie. - It is. That's a lie. 672 00:28:34,352 --> 00:28:36,485 Betsy would never in a billion years 673 00:28:36,487 --> 00:28:38,687 say anything even remotely like that. 674 00:28:38,689 --> 00:28:40,456 How's your family? 675 00:28:40,458 --> 00:28:42,826 You're asking about my family. 676 00:28:42,828 --> 00:28:45,794 Sorry, I can't believe it. Who are you? 677 00:28:45,796 --> 00:28:46,996 I deserve that. 678 00:28:46,998 --> 00:28:49,633 My family, thank you for asking, is fine. 679 00:28:49,635 --> 00:28:52,301 You usually stay with them on Christmas Eve, no? 680 00:28:52,303 --> 00:28:53,603 Yeah, I'm staying with them, 681 00:28:53,605 --> 00:28:55,704 but I'm going to this thing with Sarah. 682 00:28:55,706 --> 00:28:57,109 What is it? 683 00:28:58,609 --> 00:29:02,611 Okay, she's dating this guy, and he got us into this party. 684 00:29:02,613 --> 00:29:04,547 And I know you've always wanted to go to it... 685 00:29:04,549 --> 00:29:06,449 Shit. Are you going to the Nutcracker Ball? 686 00:29:06,451 --> 00:29:08,784 - Yeah. I'm sorry. - We're going too. 687 00:29:08,786 --> 00:29:10,353 - You are? - Isn't that crazy? 688 00:29:10,355 --> 00:29:11,788 I'm happy for you. Your last Christmas, 689 00:29:11,790 --> 00:29:13,490 and you get to go to the big dumb party 690 00:29:13,492 --> 00:29:14,657 you've always wanted to go to. 691 00:29:14,659 --> 00:29:17,527 - You bringing anyone? - To the dumb party? 692 00:29:17,529 --> 00:29:19,995 - Any guys? - Me? 693 00:29:19,997 --> 00:29:22,965 Yeah, I'm bringing these two guys 694 00:29:22,967 --> 00:29:25,801 that I'm kind of dating. 695 00:29:25,803 --> 00:29:27,436 With really huge dicks. 696 00:29:27,438 --> 00:29:32,075 Who've got enormous, almost novelty-sized dicks. 697 00:29:32,077 --> 00:29:34,376 I've been seeing a girl with a huge vagina. 698 00:29:34,378 --> 00:29:35,712 Have you? 699 00:29:35,714 --> 00:29:37,646 I don't know if it really has the same impact. 700 00:29:37,648 --> 00:29:40,416 I just hope that this nice young lady's vagina 701 00:29:40,418 --> 00:29:42,519 is not half as big as mine. 702 00:29:42,521 --> 00:29:44,053 - Your vagina, I mean... - The biggest! 703 00:29:44,055 --> 00:29:45,989 - Wup, wup, wup. - I know. 704 00:29:45,991 --> 00:29:47,389 Here you go. 705 00:29:47,391 --> 00:29:48,758 Thank you so much. Appreciate that. 706 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,793 - It's on your tab. - Cool. 707 00:30:01,973 --> 00:30:03,373 - Cheers! - Cheers. 708 00:30:03,375 --> 00:30:05,942 This is so much fun! 709 00:30:05,944 --> 00:30:07,577 Mm. Good beer. 710 00:30:07,579 --> 00:30:09,646 They say beer mellows you out a bit, which is nice. 711 00:30:09,648 --> 00:30:10,946 This is kind of cool-tasting. 712 00:30:10,948 --> 00:30:12,449 Tastes like pennies or something. 713 00:30:12,451 --> 00:30:14,084 - Weird. It has a coppery flavor? - Yeah. 714 00:30:14,086 --> 00:30:15,652 Bizarre. Maybe it's the vodka? 715 00:30:15,654 --> 00:30:17,654 You know what? I think they gave you a Crantini. 716 00:30:17,656 --> 00:30:19,822 Ever think they're all part of the same Tini family? 717 00:30:19,824 --> 00:30:21,590 Martini, Crantini. 718 00:30:21,592 --> 00:30:23,960 - It's just a funny idea, I thought. - I guess it's funny. 719 00:30:25,464 --> 00:30:28,365 - Oh. Isaac. You have a bloody nose. - Huh? Yes? 720 00:30:28,367 --> 00:30:30,433 - I what? - Your nose is bleeding. 721 00:30:30,435 --> 00:30:32,501 My nose is bleeding? 722 00:30:32,503 --> 00:30:34,471 - Do you not feel that? - Oh, no! 723 00:30:34,473 --> 00:30:35,972 It's fucked. There's a lot of blood. 724 00:30:35,974 --> 00:30:37,574 No, my nose is very tingly right now. 725 00:30:37,576 --> 00:30:39,576 And I actually don't feel much. That's so weird. 726 00:30:39,578 --> 00:30:42,378 - Holy fuck! - What? 727 00:30:42,380 --> 00:30:44,079 Did you bleed in my drink? 728 00:30:44,081 --> 00:30:45,615 No. 729 00:30:45,617 --> 00:30:47,850 You fucking bled in my drink, Isaac! 730 00:30:47,852 --> 00:30:49,118 I'm gonna come clean. 731 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,587 I'm on a lot of cocaine right now. 732 00:30:50,589 --> 00:30:51,954 That's what made my nose bleed. 733 00:30:51,956 --> 00:30:53,123 You're on fucking cocaine? 734 00:30:53,125 --> 00:30:54,656 - Did you drink a lot of it? - Kind of! 735 00:30:54,658 --> 00:30:56,425 - Is it that gross? - It's mega-gross. 736 00:30:56,427 --> 00:30:57,594 I didn't do it on purpose. 737 00:30:57,596 --> 00:30:59,128 You're a totally fucked-up person. 738 00:30:59,130 --> 00:31:00,629 You should not be a father. Goodbye! 739 00:31:00,631 --> 00:31:02,598 - Fuck you! - Fuck you, Isaac! 740 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,832 I'm sorry. Fuck you! 741 00:31:03,834 --> 00:31:05,467 No, fuck you! 742 00:31:05,469 --> 00:31:08,137 Piss off! People are fucking in here! 743 00:31:10,074 --> 00:31:12,608 Zero, 11! 744 00:31:12,610 --> 00:31:15,744 Okay, now... Now, take a dump. 745 00:31:15,746 --> 00:31:16,680 What? 746 00:31:16,682 --> 00:31:19,949 Hey, guys! Sorry to interrupt. Hey, Ethan. 747 00:31:19,951 --> 00:31:21,617 We need to get the fuck out of here. 748 00:31:21,619 --> 00:31:23,619 - I'm losing my shit right now. - What happened? 749 00:31:23,621 --> 00:31:24,820 Please. I wanna go right now. 750 00:31:24,822 --> 00:31:27,022 - I'm right behind you. - Thank you. 751 00:31:27,024 --> 00:31:28,791 - Sorry. - I'm sorry. 752 00:31:28,793 --> 00:31:30,159 Yikes. 753 00:31:30,161 --> 00:31:31,661 Uh... 754 00:31:31,663 --> 00:31:33,530 I guess that's my cue. 755 00:31:33,532 --> 00:31:35,632 - Tell her I'm sorry. - You don't have to be sorry. 756 00:31:35,634 --> 00:31:37,200 I guess I'll see you later. 757 00:31:37,202 --> 00:31:39,501 Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 758 00:31:39,503 --> 00:31:41,206 This is... 759 00:31:47,212 --> 00:31:49,479 Come on, man. 760 00:31:59,123 --> 00:32:00,557 Ethan! 761 00:32:00,559 --> 00:32:02,157 - Have you seen Isaac? - Forget Isaac. 762 00:32:02,159 --> 00:32:04,726 I just fame-fucked that hipster chick in the bathroom. 763 00:32:04,728 --> 00:32:07,664 - So that's her? - Hell, yeah. 764 00:32:07,666 --> 00:32:09,499 - Can we go? - Are you okay? 765 00:32:09,501 --> 00:32:11,166 - I'm fine! Let's go. - It's after 10. 766 00:32:11,168 --> 00:32:12,635 We can call the party number now. 767 00:32:12,637 --> 00:32:13,936 Let's call! Let's call! 768 00:32:13,938 --> 00:32:15,672 I'll get this address. 769 00:32:15,674 --> 00:32:17,242 This better fucking work. 770 00:32:18,877 --> 00:32:21,043 If you want your Christmas merry 771 00:32:21,045 --> 00:32:24,646 go to the corner of Grand and Berry. 772 00:32:24,648 --> 00:32:25,647 Okay. 773 00:32:25,649 --> 00:32:27,716 Grand and Berry, please! 774 00:32:27,718 --> 00:32:29,819 Listen, listen, listen. 775 00:32:29,821 --> 00:32:32,655 So Diana is also going to the Nutcracker Ball. 776 00:32:32,657 --> 00:32:35,492 - What? - How crazy is that, right? 777 00:32:35,494 --> 00:32:36,792 She's cool. I miss her. 778 00:32:36,794 --> 00:32:38,694 Yeah, you shouldn't have let her go, dude. 779 00:32:38,696 --> 00:32:41,097 You should totally get her back, bro. My mom's named Diana. 780 00:32:41,099 --> 00:32:43,966 Yeah, thanks. I didn't let her go. She left me. 781 00:32:43,968 --> 00:32:45,501 You didn't wanna meet her parents 782 00:32:45,503 --> 00:32:46,869 and you never did, 783 00:32:46,871 --> 00:32:48,570 and you just kept making excuses for two years. 784 00:32:48,572 --> 00:32:50,173 She made the whole relationship about 785 00:32:50,175 --> 00:32:51,773 the one thing I didn't wanna do. 786 00:32:51,775 --> 00:32:53,876 Dude, you fucked up. Isaac, tell him, he fucked up. 787 00:32:53,878 --> 00:32:55,511 - You fucked up, man. - See? 788 00:32:55,513 --> 00:32:58,114 Hey, Isaac. You okay? 789 00:32:58,116 --> 00:32:59,949 No, I'm not. 790 00:32:59,951 --> 00:33:03,853 I think the cocaine and the mushrooms are reacting poorly. 791 00:33:03,855 --> 00:33:06,088 And now I think I just got to balance it out. 792 00:33:06,090 --> 00:33:07,924 I got to make it that I'm more on mushrooms 793 00:33:07,926 --> 00:33:09,658 'cause I was having fun on mushrooms. 794 00:33:09,660 --> 00:33:11,126 - I have a plan. - Chill out. Have a Red Bull. 795 00:33:11,128 --> 00:33:13,596 You could also just stop doing drugs right now. 796 00:33:13,598 --> 00:33:15,831 Like, much more mushrooms. 797 00:33:15,833 --> 00:33:17,299 Are you gonna be cool at this party? 798 00:33:17,301 --> 00:33:19,836 - Cool as fuck, G. - No, you're not cool, G. 799 00:33:19,838 --> 00:33:21,905 You look insane. Only your right eye is working. 800 00:33:21,907 --> 00:33:24,206 There's gonna be a lot of famous people at this party 801 00:33:24,208 --> 00:33:25,742 and I don't want you to fuck it up. 802 00:33:25,744 --> 00:33:27,710 You walk in there looking like a shit show... 803 00:33:27,712 --> 00:33:30,847 - Do I look weird now? - Yes! You look weird! 804 00:33:30,849 --> 00:33:32,949 Still weird. 805 00:33:32,951 --> 00:33:34,049 Weirder! 806 00:33:34,051 --> 00:33:35,818 - He looks fine. - No, you don't! 807 00:33:35,820 --> 00:33:38,588 You need to fucking check yourself, before... 808 00:33:38,590 --> 00:33:40,255 Before... 809 00:33:40,257 --> 00:33:42,625 I wreck myself? 810 00:33:42,627 --> 00:33:44,059 - Is that what you're saying? - Aw. Yes. 811 00:33:44,061 --> 00:33:46,762 Chickity-check myself, before I wrickity-wreck myself? 812 00:33:46,764 --> 00:33:48,030 How does that make someone feel? 813 00:33:48,032 --> 00:33:50,032 To be told that they might wreck themselves. 814 00:33:50,034 --> 00:33:51,901 You're not gonna wreck yourself. 815 00:33:51,903 --> 00:33:54,136 You made him feel bad. Why don't you just leave him alone? 816 00:33:54,138 --> 00:33:56,172 - Look, he's not right. - Gonna mellow out. 817 00:33:56,174 --> 00:33:58,811 Why don't you have some weed and mellow out? 818 00:34:00,145 --> 00:34:02,211 - You got the weed? - No. 819 00:34:02,213 --> 00:34:04,313 - You got the weed, dude? - No. 820 00:34:04,315 --> 00:34:06,816 She stole my fucking weed. 821 00:34:06,818 --> 00:34:08,585 She was rummaging through my jacket 822 00:34:08,587 --> 00:34:09,918 when I was hitting her from the back. 823 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,621 I knew it! She fucking took my weed! 824 00:34:11,623 --> 00:34:13,056 That serves you right. 825 00:34:13,058 --> 00:34:15,358 Dude, it's not funny! She stole my fucking weed! 826 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:16,826 The last place I wanna be 827 00:34:16,828 --> 00:34:19,329 is outside my mom's house right now. 828 00:34:19,331 --> 00:34:22,599 School's far. Your mom lives close. 829 00:34:22,601 --> 00:34:24,333 How long did Mr. Green say he would be here in? 830 00:34:24,335 --> 00:34:26,034 - Half hour. - That's fine. 831 00:34:26,036 --> 00:34:27,936 Let's go in and wait. I'm freezing. 832 00:34:27,938 --> 00:34:30,206 No, no. We're not going inside. My mom's probably asleep. 833 00:34:30,208 --> 00:34:32,942 A half hour for Mr. Green could be two hours of standing here. 834 00:34:32,944 --> 00:34:35,878 We could be dead by then. We could literally die by then. 835 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,380 Look, my mom doesn't know I'm here. 836 00:34:37,382 --> 00:34:39,282 So let it go. We're not going upstairs. 837 00:34:39,284 --> 00:34:41,683 - Really? You didn't tell her? - No. 838 00:34:41,685 --> 00:34:42,951 I told her I was in Philly 839 00:34:42,953 --> 00:34:44,686 and I got a suite down at the Gansevoort. 840 00:34:44,688 --> 00:34:47,123 I just think your mom would be happy to see you on Christmas. 841 00:34:47,125 --> 00:34:49,692 I'm not saying she wouldn't be happy to see me, all right? 842 00:34:49,694 --> 00:34:51,360 There's just a lot you don't understand. 843 00:34:51,362 --> 00:34:53,096 All she wants to do is parade me around 844 00:34:53,098 --> 00:34:54,864 and show me off to people. 845 00:34:54,866 --> 00:34:57,000 Last time I was here, she made me go to church with her 846 00:34:57,002 --> 00:34:59,668 and sign autographs, kiss babies, tell people all my stats 847 00:34:59,670 --> 00:35:01,704 and what I did last Sunday. It's too much. 848 00:35:01,706 --> 00:35:02,971 - I have a question. - What? 849 00:35:02,973 --> 00:35:05,842 Does your mother still have a Nintendo 64? 850 00:35:05,844 --> 00:35:07,844 Probably. She never throws my stuff away. Why? 851 00:35:07,846 --> 00:35:10,079 Right. So that's why you don't wanna go upstairs, 852 00:35:10,081 --> 00:35:12,681 because you're gonna lose at "GoldenEye." 853 00:35:12,683 --> 00:35:14,050 - "GoldenEye." - "GoldenEye." 854 00:35:14,052 --> 00:35:16,786 Okay. Let's do it. One game. 855 00:35:16,788 --> 00:35:18,186 - Ah! - Nobody touch. - Shh! 856 00:35:18,188 --> 00:35:19,721 Nobody touch nothing. 857 00:35:19,723 --> 00:35:22,291 But I love touching things. 858 00:35:22,293 --> 00:35:24,192 Shh. 859 00:35:25,797 --> 00:35:27,900 All right, go, go, go. 860 00:35:33,404 --> 00:35:35,103 Dude, did you die and not tell us? 861 00:35:35,105 --> 00:35:36,271 Shut up. 862 00:35:36,273 --> 00:35:37,873 It's amazing. 863 00:35:37,875 --> 00:35:40,108 I was there when you won this. You must be so proud. 864 00:35:40,110 --> 00:35:41,710 Shut up and go. 865 00:35:41,712 --> 00:35:44,179 - Your bedroom. - Shut up. 866 00:35:44,181 --> 00:35:45,380 Dude. 867 00:35:45,382 --> 00:35:47,016 - Ethan. - What? 868 00:35:47,018 --> 00:35:47,849 I found you. 869 00:35:47,851 --> 00:35:50,119 - You found me? - Check you out. 870 00:35:50,121 --> 00:35:52,288 Oh! 871 00:35:54,159 --> 00:35:55,458 Look at you, man. 872 00:35:57,929 --> 00:36:00,697 You remember when we all first met at the party? 873 00:36:00,699 --> 00:36:01,864 Whose fucking party was that? 874 00:36:01,866 --> 00:36:03,299 - Jocelyn Larue. - Jocelyn Larue. 875 00:36:03,301 --> 00:36:04,866 Yeah, that's right. 876 00:36:04,868 --> 00:36:07,704 Remember the cops came? We had to hide in the bathroom. 877 00:36:07,706 --> 00:36:09,172 For three hours. 878 00:36:09,174 --> 00:36:11,940 I was afraid we'd get caught, you were so fucking loud. 879 00:36:11,942 --> 00:36:14,043 I remember you wore that Bob Marley tie-dye T-shirt 880 00:36:14,045 --> 00:36:15,945 and I asked you if you smoked weed? 881 00:36:15,947 --> 00:36:18,181 I didn't smoke weed. I just liked Bob Marley and tie-dye. 882 00:36:18,183 --> 00:36:20,183 I didn't get that was the vibe I was putting out. 883 00:36:20,185 --> 00:36:22,884 You could have showed up with purple hair and a cloak. 884 00:36:22,886 --> 00:36:24,286 That was my warlock phase. 885 00:36:24,288 --> 00:36:26,255 - That was a dope phase. - Hell, yeah. 886 00:36:26,257 --> 00:36:28,190 I'm surprised you even talked to us, Chris. 887 00:36:28,192 --> 00:36:30,192 When I look back, I remember thinking: 888 00:36:30,194 --> 00:36:32,295 "This guy's a jock. 889 00:36:32,297 --> 00:36:35,130 And he's talking to a warlock and a pretend pot-head." 890 00:36:35,132 --> 00:36:36,799 True. 891 00:36:36,801 --> 00:36:38,800 If it wasn't for y'all, I would have never made it 892 00:36:38,802 --> 00:36:40,770 through that school. 893 00:36:40,772 --> 00:36:42,105 - Shit. Wait, pause it. - No, no pause. 894 00:36:42,107 --> 00:36:43,973 The phone's buzzing. You have to pause it. 895 00:36:43,975 --> 00:36:45,808 - I'm buying you weed! - Just keep it down! 896 00:36:45,810 --> 00:36:47,043 Pause the fucking game. 897 00:36:47,045 --> 00:36:48,777 If you shoot me right now, you forfeit. 898 00:36:48,779 --> 00:36:50,012 Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up. 899 00:36:50,014 --> 00:36:51,947 Yeah, it's him. Mr. Green's here. 900 00:36:51,949 --> 00:36:54,150 I'll never get in his car again. He freaked me out. 901 00:36:54,152 --> 00:36:55,985 Shh. 902 00:36:55,987 --> 00:36:57,320 I'll go. 903 00:36:57,322 --> 00:36:59,257 Can you even walk? 904 00:37:00,391 --> 00:37:02,358 I can fly. 905 00:37:07,998 --> 00:37:10,099 Five-0, bro. You're busted. 906 00:37:10,101 --> 00:37:11,833 Are you fucking kidding me right now? 907 00:37:11,835 --> 00:37:13,001 Yeah, I'm just kidding. 908 00:37:13,003 --> 00:37:14,337 Holy shit, dude. 909 00:37:14,339 --> 00:37:15,971 Don't do that. 910 00:37:15,973 --> 00:37:19,275 Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you, dude. Long time. 911 00:37:19,277 --> 00:37:20,842 It has been a long time. 912 00:37:20,844 --> 00:37:23,813 - Been a long time, yeah. - I remember you. 913 00:37:23,815 --> 00:37:26,882 And you know I'm proud of what you've become. 914 00:37:26,884 --> 00:37:28,250 Husband, lawyer 915 00:37:28,252 --> 00:37:31,853 soon-to-be father. That's really impressive. 916 00:37:31,855 --> 00:37:34,489 Me, I don't have time for kids. 917 00:37:34,491 --> 00:37:37,527 - You're all my children. - Yeah. 918 00:37:37,529 --> 00:37:40,262 You ever think of me as a father figure? 919 00:37:40,264 --> 00:37:42,030 No. 920 00:37:42,032 --> 00:37:45,269 Put your tiny hand in mine. 921 00:37:46,404 --> 00:37:47,936 Yeah. 922 00:37:47,938 --> 00:37:50,438 - Rough night, huh? - Little bit. Could you tell? 923 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,974 Am I wearing it on my sleeve? 924 00:37:51,976 --> 00:37:53,375 I did a lot of drugs. 925 00:37:53,377 --> 00:37:56,813 Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps. Ate a lot of the caps. 926 00:37:56,815 --> 00:37:59,982 And I just think it kind of made me freak out a little bit. 927 00:37:59,984 --> 00:38:02,552 And basically, I'm kind of just having a hard time 928 00:38:02,554 --> 00:38:04,320 finding my place in all this. 929 00:38:04,322 --> 00:38:07,590 Relax. 930 00:38:07,592 --> 00:38:09,925 What's happening right now? 931 00:38:09,927 --> 00:38:12,463 Just looking into your soul, man. 932 00:38:13,897 --> 00:38:15,466 What are you seeing? 933 00:38:18,536 --> 00:38:20,436 You need a nice mellow indica. 934 00:38:20,438 --> 00:38:22,572 I got a great north Cali bud 935 00:38:22,574 --> 00:38:25,208 with a soothing body high 936 00:38:25,210 --> 00:38:29,612 and surprisingly accurate visions of the future. 937 00:38:29,614 --> 00:38:32,114 Yeah, sure. Whatever you got, bro. 938 00:38:32,116 --> 00:38:35,851 Yeah. It's definitely a good time. 939 00:38:35,853 --> 00:38:37,485 Unless... 940 00:38:37,487 --> 00:38:41,626 you're dealing with some shit you can't come to terms with. 941 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,293 No! That's not me! That's a different guy. 942 00:38:45,295 --> 00:38:47,096 I think all my issues are drug-related, 943 00:38:47,098 --> 00:38:50,199 and my emotional state is completely... 944 00:38:50,201 --> 00:38:54,070 cool, bro. 945 00:38:54,072 --> 00:38:57,342 Just a little shot of this. See if you like it. 946 00:39:00,411 --> 00:39:02,210 Come on. 947 00:39:02,212 --> 00:39:08,384 I'm good. I think I'll just ride the wave, my main man. 948 00:39:08,386 --> 00:39:10,418 I put my hands on you. 949 00:39:10,420 --> 00:39:13,255 Take it. 950 00:39:13,257 --> 00:39:14,726 Just not too hard. 951 00:39:16,994 --> 00:39:18,960 Not too hard. 952 00:39:21,565 --> 00:39:23,933 Where are we? 953 00:39:23,935 --> 00:39:25,967 A strip club. 954 00:39:25,969 --> 00:39:28,036 Eighteen years in the future. 955 00:39:28,038 --> 00:39:30,306 - Is that my wife? - Yeah. 956 00:39:30,308 --> 00:39:32,440 You should probably talk to her. 957 00:39:32,442 --> 00:39:35,645 I'm gonna get a beer, maybe a dance. 958 00:39:35,647 --> 00:39:37,679 Cool. 959 00:39:37,681 --> 00:39:39,514 - Hi. - Sit down. 960 00:39:39,516 --> 00:39:41,016 The show's about to start. 961 00:39:41,018 --> 00:39:42,384 - Okay. - Okay, fellas, 962 00:39:42,386 --> 00:39:45,121 let's hear it for Sierra! 963 00:39:45,123 --> 00:39:46,588 Whoo! 964 00:39:46,590 --> 00:39:47,989 Isn't she amazing? 965 00:39:47,991 --> 00:39:49,157 Who is that? 966 00:39:49,159 --> 00:39:51,360 It's our beautiful baby girl. 967 00:39:51,362 --> 00:39:54,096 What the fuck? 968 00:39:54,098 --> 00:39:56,565 Whoo! Pop it, girl! Pop that P! 969 00:39:56,567 --> 00:39:58,266 Pop it! Pop it! 970 00:39:58,268 --> 00:40:00,603 You hear me, young lady? Pop your pussy! 971 00:40:00,605 --> 00:40:03,139 It's okay, sweetie! You don't have to pop your pussy! 972 00:40:03,141 --> 00:40:06,608 You read all those books and you didn't learn shit! 973 00:40:06,610 --> 00:40:09,145 You really shit the bed as a dad! 974 00:40:10,281 --> 00:40:13,349 Here you go. Drip, drop. Drip, drop. 975 00:40:15,018 --> 00:40:16,217 - I know... - No! 976 00:40:16,219 --> 00:40:18,020 Look at my finger. Look at my finger. 977 00:40:18,022 --> 00:40:19,288 You need to give me a hundred bucks 978 00:40:19,290 --> 00:40:21,023 and get the fuck out of my car right now. 979 00:40:21,025 --> 00:40:23,291 Okay! Here! 980 00:40:23,293 --> 00:40:24,694 Get out. 981 00:40:52,422 --> 00:40:55,424 What are you doing? 982 00:40:55,426 --> 00:40:57,994 I don't know what's happening. Let's go. Let's bail. 983 00:40:57,996 --> 00:40:59,527 Turn your phone off. You'll wake her up. 984 00:40:59,529 --> 00:41:01,063 I don't know what's happening. 985 00:41:01,065 --> 00:41:03,199 - Turn it off. - Hello? 986 00:41:03,201 --> 00:41:05,134 Hello? 987 00:41:05,136 --> 00:41:08,036 Hey, Ma. It's Chrissy-poo! 988 00:41:08,038 --> 00:41:10,605 Oh, my God! Chris! 989 00:41:10,607 --> 00:41:11,741 Hey! 990 00:41:11,743 --> 00:41:14,543 Oh, my God! Ethan! 991 00:41:16,179 --> 00:41:18,014 What are you guys doing? 992 00:41:18,016 --> 00:41:20,349 - Merry Christmas! - Surprise! 993 00:41:20,351 --> 00:41:22,217 This is... 994 00:41:22,219 --> 00:41:24,520 Are you hungry? I can heat up some food. 995 00:41:24,522 --> 00:41:26,621 - Yeah! - No, no, no. 996 00:41:26,623 --> 00:41:29,391 Yes, you are. Yes, you are. 997 00:41:29,393 --> 00:41:30,393 Sweetheart. 998 00:41:30,395 --> 00:41:33,329 - Oh, you smell like weed. - No. 999 00:41:33,331 --> 00:41:36,498 More meatloaf, Isaac? 1000 00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:38,534 Huh? Um, no, I'm okay. 1001 00:41:38,536 --> 00:41:41,337 Could I perhaps have some more chardonnay 1002 00:41:41,339 --> 00:41:44,040 to wash down my medication, please? 1003 00:41:44,042 --> 00:41:46,410 Of course. 1004 00:41:51,648 --> 00:41:54,416 Thank you. 1005 00:41:54,418 --> 00:41:56,351 So, Ethan, what's going on with you? 1006 00:41:56,353 --> 00:41:57,420 Uh... 1007 00:41:57,422 --> 00:42:00,255 Not a lot. Just feeling good. 1008 00:42:00,257 --> 00:42:02,257 You got somebody special in your life? 1009 00:42:02,259 --> 00:42:03,226 No. 1010 00:42:03,228 --> 00:42:05,226 There was a young lady that he used to date 1011 00:42:05,228 --> 00:42:06,795 that he ran into today 1012 00:42:06,797 --> 00:42:09,398 that I thought was pretty damn awesome. 1013 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,634 - Yeah? What happened? - It's a long story. 1014 00:42:11,636 --> 00:42:13,469 Not that long. She wanted to get serious, 1015 00:42:13,471 --> 00:42:14,804 but he wouldn't meet her parents. 1016 00:42:14,806 --> 00:42:16,404 She wanted to move in, 1017 00:42:16,406 --> 00:42:18,139 and you said you weren't in the right head place 1018 00:42:18,141 --> 00:42:19,308 for her to move in. 1019 00:42:19,310 --> 00:42:20,809 That's some straight-up bullshit. 1020 00:42:20,811 --> 00:42:22,210 Give me some, Ma. 1021 00:42:22,212 --> 00:42:23,545 Okay, okay, okay. 1022 00:42:23,547 --> 00:42:25,514 What, are you guys ganging up on me now? 1023 00:42:25,516 --> 00:42:28,317 - You like this woman? - Yeah, she's awesome, 1024 00:42:28,319 --> 00:42:31,253 but there's a whole history here that he's brushing over. 1025 00:42:31,255 --> 00:42:32,721 You want her back? 1026 00:42:32,723 --> 00:42:35,257 Yeah. I do. 1027 00:42:35,259 --> 00:42:37,559 If you want this woman, you're gonna have to work for her. 1028 00:42:37,561 --> 00:42:41,630 But you happen to be very lucky, because it's Christmas. 1029 00:42:41,632 --> 00:42:44,366 And there's magic in the air at Christmas. 1030 00:42:44,368 --> 00:42:47,570 People's hearts are open. People want to forgive. 1031 00:42:47,572 --> 00:42:49,572 People want love. 1032 00:42:49,574 --> 00:42:51,574 I'd take advantage of that shit. 1033 00:42:51,576 --> 00:42:55,511 Find the opportunity, and seize it. 1034 00:42:55,513 --> 00:42:57,679 Thank you, Mrs. Roberts. 1035 00:42:57,681 --> 00:43:00,715 I almost forgot, I'm gonna need some more headshots. 1036 00:43:02,420 --> 00:43:04,753 Huh. A dick from someone named James? 1037 00:43:04,755 --> 00:43:07,322 His name is on my phone, I must know him. Who is he? 1038 00:43:08,592 --> 00:43:10,592 Do I like it? What does that mean? 1039 00:43:10,594 --> 00:43:14,663 Oh, man. Maybe it's James McFoley from work. 1040 00:43:16,234 --> 00:43:17,599 Holy shit. 1041 00:43:19,469 --> 00:43:21,337 This guy's a grower and a shower. 1042 00:43:23,206 --> 00:43:25,843 Do I like it more now? Jesus. I mean, it's a dope dick. 1043 00:43:28,545 --> 00:43:30,346 Do I want it? 1044 00:43:30,348 --> 00:43:34,349 Who wouldn't want a dick that looks like that? 1045 00:43:36,186 --> 00:43:37,719 Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man. 1046 00:43:37,721 --> 00:43:39,387 Uh... 1047 00:43:39,389 --> 00:43:41,290 I'm gonna start putting people's last names 1048 00:43:41,292 --> 00:43:43,759 on my contacts. 1049 00:43:45,362 --> 00:43:48,797 No, I've never sucked a dick but, well, 1050 00:43:48,799 --> 00:43:51,669 if I'm being totally honest with myself... 1051 00:43:54,371 --> 00:43:55,804 Damn it, why'd I tell him that? 1052 00:43:55,806 --> 00:43:57,773 This James guy is just so easy to talk to. 1053 00:43:57,775 --> 00:43:59,175 I told him too much. 1054 00:44:02,346 --> 00:44:04,445 Man, I guess that settles it. 1055 00:44:04,447 --> 00:44:07,715 Isaac Greenberg is sucking his first dick tonight. 1056 00:44:07,717 --> 00:44:10,251 Did he tell you that they've named a park after him? 1057 00:44:10,253 --> 00:44:11,520 You're gonna have a park named after you? 1058 00:44:11,522 --> 00:44:13,755 I petitioned the city, I got the signatures 1059 00:44:13,757 --> 00:44:16,391 and now there's gonna be the sweetest little playground 1060 00:44:16,393 --> 00:44:17,860 in Brooklyn that's named after him. 1061 00:44:17,862 --> 00:44:20,962 The park is not that nice! There are crackheads, and... 1062 00:44:20,964 --> 00:44:22,697 Sweetheart, they're gonna clean that up. 1063 00:44:22,699 --> 00:44:24,666 We should get ready to go, guys. We have to move. 1064 00:44:24,668 --> 00:44:26,534 - We're gonna miss the party. - That's true. 1065 00:44:26,536 --> 00:44:28,436 Why don't I just wrap all of this up? 1066 00:44:28,438 --> 00:44:30,773 You guys can take it down to the homeless shelter. 1067 00:44:30,775 --> 00:44:34,409 It's only a few blocks away. I'm sure they'd appreciate it. 1068 00:44:34,411 --> 00:44:35,710 You're right, Mom. 1069 00:44:35,712 --> 00:44:38,346 You boys are so sweet. Thank you for coming. 1070 00:44:39,717 --> 00:44:41,650 - Wanna help me in the kitchen? - Okay. 1071 00:44:41,652 --> 00:44:43,485 Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Roberts. 1072 00:44:43,487 --> 00:44:45,688 You're welcome, sweetheart! 1073 00:44:45,690 --> 00:44:48,757 Dude, what the fuck is going on with you? 1074 00:44:48,759 --> 00:44:50,291 - Are you gay? - No! 1075 00:44:50,293 --> 00:44:51,626 Are you curious? 1076 00:44:51,628 --> 00:44:54,563 Everyone is! What does that have to do with this? 1077 00:44:54,565 --> 00:44:56,465 I don't know. Why are you looking up dicks? 1078 00:44:56,467 --> 00:44:58,800 - Someone's sending me dicks. - Someone's sending you that? 1079 00:44:58,802 --> 00:45:01,270 Look, I'll show you. It's a fucking conversation. 1080 00:45:01,272 --> 00:45:02,438 It's some guy named James. 1081 00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:03,838 A very nice, eloquent man named James 1082 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,308 is sending me his penis. And he wants me to suck on it. 1083 00:45:06,310 --> 00:45:07,576 I don't know what to do. 1084 00:45:07,578 --> 00:45:08,978 I'm freaking out. Should I do it? 1085 00:45:08,980 --> 00:45:10,445 This isn't your phone, man. 1086 00:45:10,447 --> 00:45:11,980 Dude, this isn't your phone! 1087 00:45:11,982 --> 00:45:14,449 Oh, shit. Is this Sarah's phone? 1088 00:45:14,451 --> 00:45:16,351 - Oh, no. - What? 1089 00:45:16,353 --> 00:45:18,487 - She has my phone. - It's okay, man. 1090 00:45:18,489 --> 00:45:20,389 We know her. We can get your phone back. 1091 00:45:20,391 --> 00:45:22,424 There's something bad on my phone. 1092 00:45:22,426 --> 00:45:23,992 You gonna be around tomorrow? 1093 00:45:23,994 --> 00:45:27,295 Folks out at the church would love to see you. Aunt would too. 1094 00:45:27,297 --> 00:45:29,465 Um, you know I'm busy, so... 1095 00:45:29,467 --> 00:45:31,366 I don't really like to do that stuff, Ma. 1096 00:45:31,368 --> 00:45:32,701 Won't take much time, Boo. 1097 00:45:32,703 --> 00:45:34,902 I know. It's just I have an early flight, 1098 00:45:34,904 --> 00:45:37,973 and I feel bad that I have to run back to work so fast. 1099 00:45:37,975 --> 00:45:39,741 I just got so much stuff going on. 1100 00:45:39,743 --> 00:45:42,011 I'm a celebrity now. I got appearances. 1101 00:45:42,013 --> 00:45:44,012 I got all kinds of stuff I have to do, Ma. 1102 00:45:44,014 --> 00:45:46,748 I can't just be lollygagging around 1103 00:45:46,750 --> 00:45:49,717 and meeting old people. 1104 00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:50,585 I love you. 1105 00:45:50,587 --> 00:45:53,355 Betsy is gonna get that tape from Sarah 1106 00:45:53,357 --> 00:45:55,056 and she's gonna freak the fuck out. 1107 00:45:55,058 --> 00:45:57,358 Why? Why would Betsy get the tape? 1108 00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,596 Because I put cocaine blood into her fucking drink. 1109 00:46:00,598 --> 00:46:02,498 And no one wants to drink cocaine blood. 1110 00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:04,465 Yeah. I'm gonna call her. 1111 00:46:04,467 --> 00:46:06,501 - How do you know her number? - It's your number. 1112 00:46:06,503 --> 00:46:07,969 I'm trusting you on this. 1113 00:46:07,971 --> 00:46:10,405 I don't understand what's happening. Where are we? 1114 00:46:10,407 --> 00:46:12,074 Sarah has your phone. So I'm calling it. 1115 00:46:12,076 --> 00:46:13,741 Where are we right now? 1116 00:46:13,743 --> 00:46:15,411 We're at Chris' house. 1117 00:46:15,413 --> 00:46:18,846 - What the fuck? - You just stay calm, all right? 1118 00:46:18,848 --> 00:46:20,949 - It'll be okay. - Oh, yeah. 1119 00:46:20,951 --> 00:46:22,317 Oh, yeah. 1120 00:46:22,319 --> 00:46:23,719 You like that? 1121 00:46:23,721 --> 00:46:26,387 Okay. Here's the bad news. 1122 00:46:26,389 --> 00:46:27,690 - She didn't pick up. - What? 1123 00:46:27,692 --> 00:46:29,958 - Everything's fine! - I bit my tongue! 1124 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,492 That boy need Jesus. 1125 00:46:31,494 --> 00:46:32,795 He needs something. 1126 00:46:32,797 --> 00:46:34,663 It's gonna be okay. 1127 00:46:34,665 --> 00:46:37,333 You know what I'm gonna do? Use Find My iPhone, find the phone. 1128 00:46:37,335 --> 00:46:39,534 It's loading. There it is! It's in midtown. 1129 00:46:39,536 --> 00:46:40,869 Your phone's in midtown. 1130 00:46:40,871 --> 00:46:42,103 - It's all good. - Ha! 1131 00:46:42,105 --> 00:46:43,471 Okay. All right. 1132 00:46:43,473 --> 00:46:44,940 So here's the thing. 1133 00:46:44,942 --> 00:46:47,775 We're gonna go to the party, because Sarah's going. 1134 00:46:47,777 --> 00:46:48,944 Guys, let's go. 1135 00:46:48,946 --> 00:46:50,813 - You be safe. - Guys, be careful. 1136 00:46:50,815 --> 00:46:52,815 Let's go, guys! 1137 00:46:52,817 --> 00:46:55,683 Let me get you a bag. You're gonna need a bag. Wait up! 1138 00:46:55,685 --> 00:46:57,453 This guy's dick is off the charts. 1139 00:46:57,455 --> 00:46:59,454 Yo, it's your man C-Rob coming at you live 1140 00:46:59,456 --> 00:47:00,822 from outside the homeless shelter. 1141 00:47:00,824 --> 00:47:02,690 We delivering turkeys to homeless people 1142 00:47:02,692 --> 00:47:04,793 'cause it's the giving season and they be gobbling, 1143 00:47:04,795 --> 00:47:07,529 you know what I mean? If you're in the season of giving, 1144 00:47:07,531 --> 00:47:09,764 hit me up @Chrisrob11, hashtag "selfless giving." 1145 00:47:09,766 --> 00:47:12,433 And remember, it's not a good deed if no one knows about it. 1146 00:47:12,435 --> 00:47:15,103 - I got another dick, dude! - Uh, drink Red Bull. 1147 00:47:15,105 --> 00:47:18,005 Oh, shit. Look, man, it's her! 1148 00:47:18,007 --> 00:47:21,576 It's the super fan, sex maniac that stole my weed. 1149 00:47:21,578 --> 00:47:23,978 - Come on, let's follow her. - No, we're not gonna follow her. 1150 00:47:23,980 --> 00:47:26,114 Let's just drop off the food and go to the party! 1151 00:47:26,116 --> 00:47:29,050 Shit! Look! Now she's stealing from homeless people! 1152 00:47:29,052 --> 00:47:30,652 That's not right! 1153 00:47:30,654 --> 00:47:32,788 - Now, I'm going to teach her a lesson. - Okay. 1154 00:47:32,790 --> 00:47:35,623 Hey! Did you steal my weed? 1155 00:47:35,625 --> 00:47:38,594 - Uh, no. - We just saw you 1156 00:47:38,596 --> 00:47:41,496 rob some homeless people and I'm missing my weed, so... 1157 00:47:41,498 --> 00:47:43,766 You got me, I stole your weed. 1158 00:47:43,768 --> 00:47:48,003 But I told you right away that I'm kind of a Grinch. Okay? 1159 00:47:48,005 --> 00:47:49,737 - Aah! - Oh. 1160 00:47:49,739 --> 00:47:52,407 - Eat me, sheep. - You're an actual Grinch. 1161 00:47:52,409 --> 00:47:53,708 You're like the mayor of Whoville. 1162 00:47:53,710 --> 00:47:55,476 I'm building a body of work. 1163 00:47:55,478 --> 00:47:57,145 I'm following in the path of my Christmas heroes: 1164 00:47:57,147 --> 00:48:01,516 The Grinch, the Sticky Bandits, Hans Gruber from Die Hard. 1165 00:48:01,518 --> 00:48:03,886 I walked by you and I heard you going on 1166 00:48:03,888 --> 00:48:05,621 about your Christmas plans 1167 00:48:05,623 --> 00:48:09,157 and you're this football douche and I Google you... 1168 00:48:09,159 --> 00:48:11,960 Jackpot! I pretend to be a fan, 1169 00:48:11,962 --> 00:48:13,529 we have sex, yaas. 1170 00:48:13,531 --> 00:48:14,929 And then I stole your weed. 1171 00:48:14,931 --> 00:48:17,032 You don't steal from people on Christmas. 1172 00:48:17,034 --> 00:48:18,599 I just want my weed back. 1173 00:48:18,601 --> 00:48:20,436 You're really cute when you get mad. 1174 00:48:20,438 --> 00:48:21,770 That's cute. 1175 00:48:21,772 --> 00:48:23,538 This is the thing I didn't expect. 1176 00:48:23,540 --> 00:48:25,507 To fucking like you, dude. 1177 00:48:25,509 --> 00:48:27,576 You are so funny 1178 00:48:27,578 --> 00:48:30,112 and talented, and handsome. 1179 00:48:30,114 --> 00:48:32,980 And easy. My God, dude! 1180 00:48:32,982 --> 00:48:35,550 Hey! 1181 00:48:35,552 --> 00:48:36,884 I'm gonna fucking catch... 1182 00:48:39,056 --> 00:48:40,489 Later, sucka! 1183 00:48:40,491 --> 00:48:41,657 She Home Alone'd me! 1184 00:48:41,659 --> 00:48:43,125 Are these Micro Machines? 1185 00:48:43,127 --> 00:48:44,492 - Wow! - Let's go. 1186 00:48:44,494 --> 00:48:45,860 Girl's a genius. 1187 00:48:45,862 --> 00:48:48,931 Josh, hit the gas! Go! We got to catch that girl! 1188 00:48:48,933 --> 00:48:51,699 Go down to the corner and make a right! Hurry up, man! Chase her! 1189 00:48:51,701 --> 00:48:54,069 - Who? - The girl who stole my weed! Hurry up! 1190 00:48:54,071 --> 00:48:55,603 - She stole your weed? - Yeah. 1191 00:48:55,605 --> 00:48:57,239 That fucking bitch. I'm gonna kill her. 1192 00:48:57,241 --> 00:48:58,940 Go get her, baby! 1193 00:49:00,844 --> 00:49:02,110 Not so fast! 1194 00:49:07,083 --> 00:49:08,884 Guys, my iPhone's that way! 1195 00:49:08,886 --> 00:49:12,688 We got to find my iPhone! It's the other direction! Wait! 1196 00:49:12,690 --> 00:49:14,956 - Slow down! - Speed up! Don't slow down! 1197 00:49:14,958 --> 00:49:16,958 If you're my guy, you won't slow down! 1198 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:18,226 Hit the gas! Hit the gas! 1199 00:49:18,228 --> 00:49:19,862 Let's go. 1200 00:49:24,235 --> 00:49:26,067 There she is! There she is! 1201 00:49:26,069 --> 00:49:28,737 We got her! We got her! 1202 00:49:28,739 --> 00:49:30,572 Red light, red light! 1203 00:49:30,574 --> 00:49:32,974 No! You run that light! Are you my guy? 1204 00:49:32,976 --> 00:49:34,509 I'm your guy. 1205 00:49:34,511 --> 00:49:36,844 Give me your hand! Run through that light, baby! 1206 00:49:44,889 --> 00:49:49,891 Oh, I fucked up. I fucked up. 1207 00:49:49,893 --> 00:49:52,126 I'm sorry. 1208 00:49:52,128 --> 00:49:53,661 Oh! 1209 00:49:53,663 --> 00:49:55,831 - Are we alive? - Yeah. 1210 00:49:55,833 --> 00:49:58,634 Look. Look, it's a sleigh. We can still get her. 1211 00:49:58,636 --> 00:50:00,601 No. Let's just go to the party, okay? 1212 00:50:00,603 --> 00:50:01,869 We're going on a sleigh ride! 1213 00:50:01,871 --> 00:50:03,605 No! We're not going on a sleigh ride. 1214 00:50:03,607 --> 00:50:06,007 Come on, Joshua! 1215 00:50:07,610 --> 00:50:09,043 Shotgun! 1216 00:50:09,045 --> 00:50:10,811 Shotgun! 1217 00:50:10,813 --> 00:50:13,248 Hurry up. You guys know this can't possibly work. 1218 00:50:13,250 --> 00:50:14,782 Of course it'll work! 1219 00:50:14,784 --> 00:50:16,684 - Let's get that Grinch! - Let's find my phone! 1220 00:50:16,686 --> 00:50:18,789 Mush, motherfucker! Aah! 1221 00:50:26,063 --> 00:50:27,295 I'm stuck! 1222 00:50:27,297 --> 00:50:29,030 My hands are stuck! 1223 00:50:30,301 --> 00:50:31,833 No, no, no! 1224 00:50:31,835 --> 00:50:33,236 Fuck! 1225 00:50:34,304 --> 00:50:36,837 Shit, shit, shit! 1226 00:50:36,839 --> 00:50:38,040 Unh! 1227 00:50:38,042 --> 00:50:39,775 Dude! 1228 00:50:39,777 --> 00:50:41,742 What happened just now? 1229 00:50:41,744 --> 00:50:43,210 He's okay. He looks okay. 1230 00:50:43,212 --> 00:50:45,646 We have to go! She went this way! Let's go get this weed! 1231 00:50:45,648 --> 00:50:47,181 No. Forget about the weed, man! 1232 00:50:47,183 --> 00:50:49,650 We're not gonna split up now. Let's go to the party. 1233 00:50:49,652 --> 00:50:50,953 No. You don't understand, man! 1234 00:50:50,955 --> 00:50:52,654 It's really important! It's for Tommy. 1235 00:50:52,656 --> 00:50:53,855 It's not important! 1236 00:50:53,857 --> 00:50:55,190 I'll meet you at the F Train! 1237 00:50:55,192 --> 00:50:56,358 You fucking believe this guy? 1238 00:50:57,761 --> 00:50:59,061 My phone! It's close! I got to go! 1239 00:50:59,063 --> 00:51:01,762 - No. Listen to me. - No. You listen to me. 1240 00:51:01,764 --> 00:51:04,632 If I die, they will play this video at my funeral! 1241 00:51:04,634 --> 00:51:06,668 - Okay! You're on drugs! - Yes! 1242 00:51:06,670 --> 00:51:08,136 - You're not making sense! - No! 1243 00:51:08,138 --> 00:51:09,737 - Trust me. - Okay. 1244 00:51:09,739 --> 00:51:12,641 We're gonna stick together. And go to the party. 1245 00:51:12,643 --> 00:51:13,808 I'll meet you at the F Train! 1246 00:51:13,810 --> 00:51:17,746 No! Dude! What the fuck! 1247 00:51:17,748 --> 00:51:19,047 This is crazy. 1248 00:51:19,049 --> 00:51:22,717 Oh, come on. How does this fucking work? 1249 00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,853 This is so confusing. 1250 00:51:24,855 --> 00:51:26,355 Fuck! 1251 00:51:26,357 --> 00:51:27,855 My eyes aren't working. 1252 00:51:27,857 --> 00:51:30,260 What asshole invented this stupid thing? 1253 00:51:34,130 --> 00:51:37,733 - Hey, man. Excuse me. - Hey. How's it going? 1254 00:51:37,735 --> 00:51:39,233 - I'm Isaac. - Hi, Isaac. 1255 00:51:39,235 --> 00:51:40,969 I hate to bug you. 1256 00:51:40,971 --> 00:51:44,172 I lost my phone, and I'm using this app to try to find it. 1257 00:51:44,174 --> 00:51:46,907 I'm kind of having a hard time. It's confusing me a little bit. 1258 00:51:46,909 --> 00:51:48,376 You think you can maybe help me out? 1259 00:51:48,378 --> 00:51:49,911 Sure, hold my cane for a second. 1260 00:51:49,913 --> 00:51:53,248 Awesome. Sure, I'll hold your cane. 1261 00:51:53,250 --> 00:51:54,849 Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac. 1262 00:51:54,851 --> 00:51:56,851 Merry Christmas to you too, man. 1263 00:51:56,853 --> 00:51:57,985 Thanks. 1264 00:51:57,987 --> 00:52:00,087 I've been having a pretty crazy night. 1265 00:52:00,089 --> 00:52:03,391 I'm gonna level with you, I'm a little fucked up right now. 1266 00:52:03,393 --> 00:52:05,994 - No way. You don't say? - Yeah. 1267 00:52:05,996 --> 00:52:08,262 - What's your name? - Spencer. 1268 00:52:08,264 --> 00:52:09,864 That's my family over there. 1269 00:52:09,866 --> 00:52:11,967 Hi! I'm Isaac, nice to meet you. 1270 00:52:11,969 --> 00:52:14,235 - What's up, man? - Hey. 1271 00:52:14,237 --> 00:52:16,070 You have dogs. 1272 00:52:16,072 --> 00:52:18,206 - Can I pet them? - Go ahead. They're fine. 1273 00:52:18,208 --> 00:52:20,442 - Thank you. - You're very welcome. 1274 00:52:20,444 --> 00:52:22,878 - Hi, guys. - What's up, Isaac? 1275 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,846 Come on and give us a pat. 1276 00:52:24,848 --> 00:52:26,782 Oh my God, they talk! 1277 00:52:26,784 --> 00:52:28,215 Of course. All dogs can talk. 1278 00:52:28,217 --> 00:52:30,686 - There's another one. - That tickles. 1279 00:52:30,688 --> 00:52:32,020 Oh, hi. I love you. 1280 00:52:32,022 --> 00:52:33,423 Isaac? 1281 00:52:35,092 --> 00:52:36,257 Betsy! 1282 00:52:36,259 --> 00:52:38,893 Oh, shit. 1283 00:52:40,029 --> 00:52:41,730 Hi. 1284 00:52:41,732 --> 00:52:43,699 Wow. 1285 00:52:43,701 --> 00:52:45,433 - Hi. - Hi. 1286 00:52:45,435 --> 00:52:47,134 Okay. 1287 00:52:47,136 --> 00:52:49,438 I never wanna let go. 1288 00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,038 What's happening? 1289 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,873 What are you doing here right now? 1290 00:52:52,875 --> 00:52:55,177 What were you doing in the nativity scene? 1291 00:52:55,179 --> 00:52:57,179 I was hanging out with Spencer and his family. 1292 00:52:57,181 --> 00:52:59,146 - They're really beautiful people. - Spencer? 1293 00:52:59,148 --> 00:53:01,116 They're great people. They're interracial. 1294 00:53:01,118 --> 00:53:03,217 Why do you have a staff, honey? 1295 00:53:03,219 --> 00:53:05,454 What's happening right now? Where are we now? 1296 00:53:05,456 --> 00:53:07,088 This is the church. Do you remember? 1297 00:53:07,090 --> 00:53:09,023 - You're here for that? - Yes. 1298 00:53:09,025 --> 00:53:11,259 And I'm just telling you right now that you need to go 1299 00:53:11,261 --> 00:53:14,195 because my family is paying for the cab right now. 1300 00:53:14,197 --> 00:53:16,764 So you need to get out of here before they show up. 1301 00:53:16,766 --> 00:53:18,065 - Your family is coming? - Yeah. 1302 00:53:18,067 --> 00:53:20,101 - So maybe go run the other way. - Where should I go? 1303 00:53:20,103 --> 00:53:22,103 Just fucking go before they get here. Go. 1304 00:53:22,105 --> 00:53:24,739 I love you. Okay? I love you. 1305 00:53:24,741 --> 00:53:27,141 - Okay. I love you. Bye. - All right, bye. 1306 00:53:27,143 --> 00:53:28,944 That's very sweet. Bye. 1307 00:53:28,946 --> 00:53:31,145 What are you coming back for? Just go that way! 1308 00:53:31,147 --> 00:53:32,413 I don't know where... 1309 00:53:32,415 --> 00:53:34,382 No, no, no! Not inside the church. 1310 00:53:34,384 --> 00:53:35,817 Go, go, go. 1311 00:53:35,819 --> 00:53:37,018 Get the fuck out of here. 1312 00:53:37,020 --> 00:53:39,387 - Wait. I know them. Hi! - Hi. 1313 00:53:39,389 --> 00:53:41,088 Hi! 1314 00:53:41,090 --> 00:53:43,324 - Oh, my God! Look at you guys. - It's so good to see you! 1315 00:53:43,326 --> 00:53:45,092 What a hat. 1316 00:53:45,094 --> 00:53:47,295 Why don't you come join us? Come on in for midnight mass. 1317 00:53:47,297 --> 00:53:49,431 Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea. 1318 00:53:49,433 --> 00:53:51,032 Why not? 1319 00:53:51,034 --> 00:53:52,933 He's hanging out with his friends tonight. 1320 00:53:52,935 --> 00:53:54,503 - Right, Isaac? - I don't see anybody. 1321 00:53:54,505 --> 00:53:56,170 I don't know where they are right now. 1322 00:53:56,172 --> 00:53:58,373 - Come sit with us. - I've never been in a church. 1323 00:53:58,375 --> 00:53:59,541 Come on. 1324 00:53:59,543 --> 00:54:01,208 Okay. Yeah? 1325 00:54:01,210 --> 00:54:03,445 Yeah. Great! I'll see you in there! 1326 00:54:03,447 --> 00:54:05,045 Let's go to midnight mass together. 1327 00:54:05,047 --> 00:54:08,282 Okay. Yeah, if you say so. 1328 00:54:08,284 --> 00:54:09,918 Save us a seat. 1329 00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,023 How fucked up are you right now? 1330 00:54:13,223 --> 00:54:15,857 I'm not fucked up at all, Betsy. I'm your rock. 1331 00:54:15,859 --> 00:54:18,092 - You look like a crack rock. - I'm not. 1332 00:54:18,094 --> 00:54:19,895 Don't say that. Are you mad at me? 1333 00:54:19,897 --> 00:54:22,029 - No, just walk normal, please. - I'm walking normal. 1334 00:54:22,031 --> 00:54:23,532 No, you're not. 1335 00:54:23,534 --> 00:54:26,233 Don't put it there, Isaac. 1336 00:54:26,235 --> 00:54:27,536 And it's gone. 1337 00:54:27,538 --> 00:54:29,871 Hi. Merry Christmas. 1338 00:54:36,179 --> 00:54:38,212 Are you giving birth to piss? 1339 00:54:38,214 --> 00:54:41,449 Oh, my God. I'm just trying not to shit my pants. 1340 00:54:41,451 --> 00:54:43,150 - You should. - I should? 1341 00:54:43,152 --> 00:54:44,985 You should just do it. Why not? 1342 00:54:44,987 --> 00:54:46,954 I should just drop a deuce in my shorts. 1343 00:54:46,956 --> 00:54:48,123 Just do it! 1344 00:54:48,125 --> 00:54:49,858 That's great. Two more assholes 1345 00:54:49,860 --> 00:54:51,458 that don't give a fuck about Christmas. 1346 00:54:51,460 --> 00:54:52,828 What? 1347 00:54:52,830 --> 00:54:54,029 What are you guys doing? 1348 00:54:54,031 --> 00:54:56,030 Santa pub crawl, bro! 1349 00:54:56,032 --> 00:54:59,900 Guys, Santa Claus is a very meaningful thing 1350 00:54:59,902 --> 00:55:01,235 to a lot of people. 1351 00:55:01,237 --> 00:55:03,304 A lot of children! 1352 00:55:03,306 --> 00:55:04,873 Here's the thing, man. 1353 00:55:04,875 --> 00:55:06,974 For those kids, they're living a fucking lie! 1354 00:55:06,976 --> 00:55:09,911 Yeah. Spoiler alert: Santa's not real, 1355 00:55:09,913 --> 00:55:12,346 - you pricky infant. - This is a costume! 1356 00:55:12,348 --> 00:55:16,518 But when you put on that costume and you portray Santa Claus, 1357 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:21,456 you're taking a solemn oath to represent certain values 1358 00:55:21,458 --> 00:55:23,157 that it represents! 1359 00:55:23,159 --> 00:55:26,293 You know who you remind me of? One of my angry elves. 1360 00:55:26,295 --> 00:55:28,496 Fuck! No. Look, don't call me an elf. 1361 00:55:28,498 --> 00:55:30,065 You got him with that one, Santa. 1362 00:55:30,067 --> 00:55:32,032 Fuck you, "don't call me an elf!" Motherfucker! 1363 00:55:32,034 --> 00:55:34,034 Get back to the workshop! You work for us, elf! 1364 00:55:34,036 --> 00:55:36,871 Go back to the workshop, elf! 1365 00:55:36,873 --> 00:55:39,641 This little elf has no friends on Christmas. 1366 00:55:39,643 --> 00:55:41,543 My friends are just down there. 1367 00:55:41,545 --> 00:55:45,145 Where are they? We're friends. We even dressed the same, 1368 00:55:45,147 --> 00:55:48,116 but you, you're all alone, just like a fucking dum-dum. 1369 00:55:48,118 --> 00:55:50,485 Oh, my God. Are you gonna cry? Aw. 1370 00:55:50,487 --> 00:55:53,288 Did Mommy and Daddy leave you alone on Christmas? 1371 00:55:53,290 --> 00:55:55,056 Oh, shit! 1372 00:55:55,058 --> 00:55:58,595 That's for disrespecting the spirit of Christmas! 1373 00:56:01,632 --> 00:56:03,400 Oh, fuck. 1374 00:56:04,902 --> 00:56:06,433 Fuck you! 1375 00:56:06,435 --> 00:56:09,137 Man, this really feels like it's about something else here. 1376 00:56:09,139 --> 00:56:11,605 It's about this and only this! Nothing else! 1377 00:56:11,607 --> 00:56:13,608 I think you're sublimating, man. 1378 00:56:13,610 --> 00:56:15,242 I do not wanna hurt you, man. 1379 00:56:15,244 --> 00:56:18,182 No, no, no. I wanna hurt him. He sucker-punched me. 1380 00:56:20,683 --> 00:56:22,483 You fucking frat boys! 1381 00:56:22,485 --> 00:56:24,418 I'm an orthopedic surgeon. 1382 00:56:24,420 --> 00:56:26,454 I teach third grade, bitch! 1383 00:56:26,456 --> 00:56:29,456 I shape our nation's youth! 1384 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:33,527 What is with this holiday? It just fucks with people's heads. 1385 00:56:35,331 --> 00:56:37,998 This needs to be important to you. 1386 00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:39,668 - It's ringing. - Okay. 1387 00:56:46,143 --> 00:56:47,308 Hey. 1388 00:56:47,310 --> 00:56:49,143 Hey! Hi! 1389 00:56:49,145 --> 00:56:53,280 Uh, does Isaac have Sarah's phone by any chance? 1390 00:56:53,282 --> 00:56:55,983 Yeah, he has it. 1391 00:56:55,985 --> 00:56:57,284 - He has it. - Thank God. 1392 00:56:57,286 --> 00:56:58,320 So relax. 1393 00:56:58,322 --> 00:57:00,554 There is some very sensitive information on there. 1394 00:57:00,556 --> 00:57:03,157 It's incredibly sensitive. Wow, what's on the phone? 1395 00:57:03,159 --> 00:57:04,692 You don't need to know. 1396 00:57:04,694 --> 00:57:07,362 How's the party? Is it as dumb as you thought it'd be? 1397 00:57:07,364 --> 00:57:10,098 Actually, it's kind of amazing. It's really fun, 1398 00:57:10,100 --> 00:57:13,000 and you should get here. Quickly. 1399 00:57:13,002 --> 00:57:14,302 What? Huh? 1400 00:57:14,304 --> 00:57:15,170 Really? 1401 00:57:15,172 --> 00:57:18,172 You want me to come there? To see you? 1402 00:57:18,174 --> 00:57:20,507 That's what I'm saying. Come on! 1403 00:57:20,509 --> 00:57:22,143 Do you like him again? 1404 00:57:22,145 --> 00:57:23,578 Can we not have that conversation 1405 00:57:23,580 --> 00:57:25,012 - right now? - I'm just saying. 1406 00:57:25,014 --> 00:57:26,181 Okay. 1407 00:57:26,183 --> 00:57:28,352 Okay. We'll see you soon. 1408 00:57:31,420 --> 00:57:34,188 Give us this day our daily bread 1409 00:57:34,190 --> 00:57:36,523 And forgive us our trespasses 1410 00:57:38,362 --> 00:57:39,994 Shh, shh, shh. 1411 00:57:39,996 --> 00:57:41,996 - I'm praying. - I think that's a Jewish thing. 1412 00:57:41,998 --> 00:57:43,565 - I can't do that here? - No. 1413 00:57:43,567 --> 00:57:45,467 - It's the same God. - Mm-mm. 1414 00:57:45,469 --> 00:57:47,201 I did it. 1415 00:57:47,203 --> 00:57:48,536 What's everyone doing? 1416 00:57:48,538 --> 00:57:50,270 Sit. Sit. 1417 00:57:50,272 --> 00:57:52,340 Sit down. 1418 00:57:53,743 --> 00:57:56,143 - This is so cool. - Shh, whisper. 1419 00:57:56,145 --> 00:57:58,480 - Are we supposed to participate? - No. 1420 00:57:58,482 --> 00:57:59,713 Hallelu! 1421 00:57:59,715 --> 00:58:01,315 No. Not that kind of church. 1422 00:58:01,317 --> 00:58:02,284 No? 1423 00:58:02,286 --> 00:58:04,753 You're my rock, right? Can you be my rock? 1424 00:58:04,755 --> 00:58:06,755 Because you're acting like a weird pebble. 1425 00:58:06,757 --> 00:58:08,355 Okay. I think I'm good. 1426 00:58:08,357 --> 00:58:10,558 Be a rock. 1427 00:58:20,337 --> 00:58:22,369 Fuck you. 1428 00:58:22,371 --> 00:58:24,505 What's up with this fucking kid over here? 1429 00:58:24,507 --> 00:58:25,639 What? 1430 00:58:25,641 --> 00:58:27,410 What's this kid doing? 1431 00:58:28,545 --> 00:58:30,311 Look over there. 1432 00:58:30,313 --> 00:58:33,480 Look away, dude. Look away! 1433 00:58:33,482 --> 00:58:35,183 Stop. 1434 00:58:35,185 --> 00:58:37,819 - Please don't hiss at a kid. - He's fucking with me. 1435 00:58:37,821 --> 00:58:39,654 I don't think he's talking to you at all. 1436 00:58:41,090 --> 00:58:42,389 Who's that guy? 1437 00:58:42,391 --> 00:58:43,391 What guy? 1438 00:58:43,393 --> 00:58:44,726 - The guy on the cross. - Jesus! 1439 00:58:44,728 --> 00:58:46,094 - Oh, Jesus. - Stop it. 1440 00:58:46,096 --> 00:58:47,395 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1441 00:58:47,397 --> 00:58:49,329 - Is that what they think we did to him? - Yeah. 1442 00:58:49,331 --> 00:58:50,697 - Can you tell I'm Jewish? - Yes. 1443 00:58:50,699 --> 00:58:52,067 - How? - Your fucking sweater. 1444 00:58:53,270 --> 00:58:55,203 - I'm sorry. - Isaac, stop talking. 1445 00:58:55,205 --> 00:58:57,639 ♪ O Holy Night ♪ 1446 00:58:58,842 --> 00:59:00,375 Isaac. Isaac, what are you doing? 1447 00:59:00,377 --> 00:59:03,344 Don't throw up. Don't you throw up here. 1448 00:59:03,346 --> 00:59:05,145 Swallow it like a girl would. 1449 00:59:05,147 --> 00:59:06,547 Swallow it. 1450 00:59:06,549 --> 00:59:09,083 Did you do it? Let me see your mouth. 1451 00:59:09,085 --> 00:59:10,784 - Ahh... - Don't throw up on me. 1452 00:59:10,786 --> 00:59:12,186 Where's the barf bag? 1453 00:59:12,188 --> 00:59:13,353 There's no barf bags! 1454 00:59:13,355 --> 00:59:15,825 Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac! 1455 00:59:20,831 --> 00:59:23,163 Jesus fucking Christ! 1456 00:59:24,868 --> 00:59:27,835 - He just threw up. - Yeah. 1457 00:59:27,837 --> 00:59:30,506 Oh, Jesus, fuck me. Oh... 1458 00:59:31,741 --> 00:59:35,479 - Is it still happening? - It's still happening a little. 1459 00:59:39,281 --> 00:59:41,683 We did not kill Jesus! 1460 00:59:41,685 --> 00:59:43,921 We did not do that! 1461 00:59:54,464 --> 00:59:56,432 Give me my weed, you Grinch! 1462 00:59:59,768 --> 01:00:01,637 Shit! 1463 01:00:07,743 --> 01:00:09,512 Come on! 1464 01:00:26,862 --> 01:00:28,664 Fuck! 1465 01:00:31,668 --> 01:00:32,833 What the fuck are you doing? 1466 01:00:32,835 --> 01:00:34,501 No, what are you doing, man? 1467 01:00:34,503 --> 01:00:36,938 You have friends who want to spend the holidays with you. 1468 01:00:36,940 --> 01:00:38,540 You're lucky you have that. 1469 01:00:38,542 --> 01:00:40,875 You need to appreciate that before you lose them. 1470 01:00:40,877 --> 01:00:44,811 That's your Christmas lesson. That's why I'm taking this shit. 1471 01:00:44,813 --> 01:00:47,815 My boy Hans Gruber died like this. 1472 01:00:49,386 --> 01:00:50,821 No! 1473 01:01:11,808 --> 01:01:13,876 What the hell? 1474 01:01:15,744 --> 01:01:17,277 - Help! - Isaac. 1475 01:01:17,279 --> 01:01:18,545 - What you doing, man? - Thank God! 1476 01:01:18,547 --> 01:01:20,280 Dude, we've got to get to this party, 1477 01:01:20,282 --> 01:01:21,583 or I'm gonna get fucking divorced. 1478 01:01:21,585 --> 01:01:23,250 Help me. How does this thing work? 1479 01:01:23,252 --> 01:01:24,918 You got to use your MetroCard. Go this way. 1480 01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:26,688 - Do it, do it, do it. - Wait. 1481 01:01:26,690 --> 01:01:28,288 All right. Go. 1482 01:01:29,458 --> 01:01:30,791 Did you get the weed back? 1483 01:01:30,793 --> 01:01:32,559 Shit got weird. I don't wanna talk about it. 1484 01:01:32,561 --> 01:01:34,362 Did you get your phone back? 1485 01:01:34,364 --> 01:01:36,496 No. Not at all. That's a long story. Look. Hey! 1486 01:01:36,498 --> 01:01:38,366 Oh, shit! What the fuck happened to you? 1487 01:01:38,368 --> 01:01:40,300 I got beat up by a couple of Santa Clauses. 1488 01:01:40,302 --> 01:01:42,237 You got beat up? 1489 01:01:42,239 --> 01:01:45,572 - Fuck. When? - When? You know, 1490 01:01:45,574 --> 01:01:48,308 a little bit after you guys ran off without me. 1491 01:01:48,310 --> 01:01:49,444 But why did they beat you up? 1492 01:01:49,446 --> 01:01:50,777 I don't know why they beat me up! 1493 01:01:50,779 --> 01:01:52,679 Did they mug you? Did they take the tickets? 1494 01:01:52,681 --> 01:01:54,549 No, they didn't take the fucking tickets! 1495 01:01:54,551 --> 01:01:56,516 - Then why would they do it? - I don't know. 1496 01:01:56,518 --> 01:01:58,786 You don't know? Did they say anything? 1497 01:01:58,788 --> 01:02:00,855 They're just a couple of drunk assholes! 1498 01:02:00,857 --> 01:02:03,958 Look, it wouldn't have happened if you guys didn't bail on me. 1499 01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:05,759 What the fuck is that? 1500 01:02:05,761 --> 01:02:08,395 Don't do this now. Please don't do this now! 1501 01:02:08,397 --> 01:02:10,398 So what's up with you, man? Why are you mad at us? 1502 01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:12,666 Why you blame everything bad that happens to you on us? 1503 01:02:12,668 --> 01:02:14,869 I'm just saying this is the last chance we get to do this, 1504 01:02:14,871 --> 01:02:16,737 and you guys are so wrapped up in your own shit 1505 01:02:16,739 --> 01:02:18,840 - you don't care about Christmas. - What does that even mean? 1506 01:02:18,842 --> 01:02:21,342 When was the last time you checked your phone, Chris? 1507 01:02:21,344 --> 01:02:22,876 Are you sure one of your famous friends 1508 01:02:22,878 --> 01:02:25,480 isn't trying to get ahold of you, to fetch him something? 1509 01:02:25,482 --> 01:02:27,014 You used to hate guys like that. 1510 01:02:27,016 --> 01:02:28,516 I get it. I get some success. 1511 01:02:28,518 --> 01:02:30,617 I get some new friends and you're jealous. 1512 01:02:30,619 --> 01:02:32,686 Look at you. So you're a success? 1513 01:02:32,688 --> 01:02:34,822 You want to talk about your newfound success? 1514 01:02:34,824 --> 01:02:36,357 I don't need to. 1515 01:02:36,359 --> 01:02:37,891 You don't think we see through that shit? 1516 01:02:37,893 --> 01:02:40,295 See through what? Let's talk. What do you see, Isaac? 1517 01:02:40,297 --> 01:02:41,496 I don't see through anything. 1518 01:02:41,498 --> 01:02:43,331 You're 34 years old. 1519 01:02:43,333 --> 01:02:45,400 Most professional athletes retire right now, 1520 01:02:45,402 --> 01:02:47,601 but you just got good. How is that? 1521 01:02:47,603 --> 01:02:48,603 Practice. 1522 01:02:48,605 --> 01:02:50,704 I told you. It was a new diet. A new regimen. 1523 01:02:50,706 --> 01:02:53,474 A new regimen? That's what you call it? 1524 01:02:53,476 --> 01:02:55,409 Yeah, that's what I call it. What you call it? 1525 01:02:55,411 --> 01:02:57,411 I think I call it putting a needle in your ass. 1526 01:02:57,413 --> 01:03:00,081 - That's what I call it. - Okay. Fine. 1527 01:03:00,083 --> 01:03:02,382 I'm on steroids, now what? 1528 01:03:02,384 --> 01:03:04,918 Newsflash: Everybody's on steroids! 1529 01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:06,387 You're a cheater. 1530 01:03:06,389 --> 01:03:07,922 At least I'm doing something with my life. 1531 01:03:07,924 --> 01:03:10,824 What about you? Sitting around wasting your fucking life away. 1532 01:03:10,826 --> 01:03:12,592 No girlfriend, no money. 1533 01:03:12,594 --> 01:03:16,730 Dude, you make music that people have never heard. 1534 01:03:16,732 --> 01:03:18,465 It's the saddest shit I've ever seen! 1535 01:03:18,467 --> 01:03:20,367 Are you fucking serious? 1536 01:03:20,369 --> 01:03:21,735 You need to get your life together. Tell him. 1537 01:03:21,737 --> 01:03:24,471 You shut up! You're ruining my trip! 1538 01:03:24,473 --> 01:03:26,007 It's really fucked up. 1539 01:03:26,009 --> 01:03:29,110 Fuck this! Going to the best party of my life, 1540 01:03:29,112 --> 01:03:30,578 and I'm not wearing some 1541 01:03:30,580 --> 01:03:33,815 pseudo-racist, fake-ass acrylic sweater! 1542 01:03:33,817 --> 01:03:36,516 - Don't take off that sweater! - I'm taking the sweater off! 1543 01:03:36,518 --> 01:03:38,686 - Don't take off the sweater. - Put the sweater back on! 1544 01:03:38,688 --> 01:03:41,822 I'm taking the fucking sweater off! 1545 01:03:41,824 --> 01:03:44,025 Stupid. 1546 01:04:14,089 --> 01:04:15,889 May I help you? 1547 01:04:15,891 --> 01:04:17,425 Uh... 1548 01:04:17,427 --> 01:04:21,231 I have, uh, these tickets. 1549 01:04:33,009 --> 01:04:34,778 Come with me. 1550 01:04:41,884 --> 01:04:43,653 Come on. 1551 01:04:46,790 --> 01:04:48,191 Get in there. 1552 01:05:17,587 --> 01:05:21,691 May I take your coats, gentlemen? 1553 01:05:41,543 --> 01:05:44,078 All aboard! 1554 01:06:24,987 --> 01:06:27,688 I'm going to find Owens. 1555 01:06:27,690 --> 01:06:29,993 Gonna find my phone. 1556 01:06:31,159 --> 01:06:33,229 I'm gonna go find Diana. 1557 01:06:37,734 --> 01:06:40,967 Oh, shit, Messiah, White Jesus in the building. 1558 01:06:40,969 --> 01:06:42,136 C-Money in the hizzle. 1559 01:06:42,138 --> 01:06:43,270 - Yo, man. - I see you made it. 1560 01:06:43,272 --> 01:06:44,771 I wasn't able to get the weed, man. 1561 01:06:44,773 --> 01:06:46,139 Shit fell apart. Know what I mean? 1562 01:06:46,141 --> 01:06:48,241 I forgot I even asked you. You want some weed? 1563 01:06:48,243 --> 01:06:49,911 Have some weed. 1564 01:06:49,913 --> 01:06:51,913 But... All right. 1565 01:06:51,915 --> 01:06:54,282 You got a whole fucking dump truck of weed? 1566 01:06:54,284 --> 01:06:56,250 Dro fo' sho'. 1567 01:06:56,252 --> 01:06:58,753 - So this it, huh? - Oh, this is it, baby. 1568 01:06:58,755 --> 01:07:00,987 The Nutcracker Ball! 1569 01:07:00,989 --> 01:07:03,558 Yeah! 1570 01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:06,059 Having an emergency! Aah! 1571 01:07:06,061 --> 01:07:07,994 - Oh, my God. - Sarah! 1572 01:07:07,996 --> 01:07:09,297 Sarah! 1573 01:07:09,299 --> 01:07:10,931 Are you fucking kidding me? 1574 01:07:10,933 --> 01:07:12,900 Get off of me! What the fuck, dude? 1575 01:07:12,902 --> 01:07:15,036 - I'm sorry! I'm just happy! - You're so fucking sweaty. 1576 01:07:15,038 --> 01:07:16,904 I know. It's warm and I'm on Molly. 1577 01:07:16,906 --> 01:07:18,905 - God! Is that my phone? - It is. You have my phone? 1578 01:07:18,907 --> 01:07:20,942 - Take your shit phone back. - It's the same phone. 1579 01:07:20,944 --> 01:07:22,576 That's why we got them mixed up. 1580 01:07:22,578 --> 01:07:23,777 - This has some serious shit on it. - I know. 1581 01:07:23,779 --> 01:07:25,112 Wait. You didn't look at it, did you? 1582 01:07:25,114 --> 01:07:26,980 You didn't look at any shit on my phone? 1583 01:07:26,982 --> 01:07:27,849 - No. - Good. 1584 01:07:27,851 --> 01:07:29,717 You didn't look at my phone, did you? 1585 01:07:29,719 --> 01:07:32,085 I just wanna tell you... 1586 01:07:32,087 --> 01:07:33,320 good job. 1587 01:07:33,322 --> 01:07:34,956 You did fucking look at my phone. 1588 01:07:34,958 --> 01:07:37,123 I didn't want to. The texts just were coming in. 1589 01:07:37,125 --> 01:07:38,692 What is the matter with you? 1590 01:07:38,694 --> 01:07:40,728 All these gorgeous dick pics. A-plus dick pics. 1591 01:07:40,730 --> 01:07:42,228 - That's a boss hog. - Wait a second, really? 1592 01:07:42,230 --> 01:07:44,331 That dick soft is like two of my dicks hard. 1593 01:07:44,333 --> 01:07:46,634 Do you think, like, it would be... 1594 01:07:46,636 --> 01:07:48,835 Do you think I could, like, handle it? 1595 01:07:48,837 --> 01:07:51,005 There was a moment I thought he wanted me to handle it, 1596 01:07:51,007 --> 01:07:52,806 and I had to wrap my head around it for a second, 1597 01:07:52,808 --> 01:07:54,141 and I thought to myself, "You know what? 1598 01:07:54,143 --> 01:07:55,809 You hunker down, you could take that bad boy." 1599 01:07:55,811 --> 01:07:56,978 - Really? - Yeah. 1600 01:07:56,980 --> 01:07:58,346 That guy James, whoever James is, 1601 01:07:58,348 --> 01:08:00,146 he's got a fantastic cock on him. 1602 01:08:00,148 --> 01:08:01,782 Yo! Did somebody say "cock"? 1603 01:08:01,784 --> 01:08:03,217 What's up? 1604 01:08:03,219 --> 01:08:04,719 - Hey. - What are you guys talking about? 1605 01:08:04,721 --> 01:08:06,020 - Nothing. - Hey, what's up? I'm James. 1606 01:08:06,022 --> 01:08:08,088 - I'm Isaac. - You don't need to meet him. 1607 01:08:08,090 --> 01:08:09,623 That's your dick! 1608 01:08:09,625 --> 01:08:11,391 - Oh, shit! - I'm the guy who had the phone! 1609 01:08:11,393 --> 01:08:13,360 - You saw my dick? - Did I ever! Oh, my God! 1610 01:08:13,362 --> 01:08:15,029 He almost sucked my dick. 1611 01:08:15,031 --> 01:08:16,831 I would have if I'd known it was you, maybe. 1612 01:08:16,833 --> 01:08:18,165 Shit! You guys a couple? 1613 01:08:18,167 --> 01:08:19,766 - No. We're friends. - Am I the third wheel? 1614 01:08:19,768 --> 01:08:21,101 No. You're the first wheel. 1615 01:08:21,103 --> 01:08:23,104 - Am I the third wheel? - Not at all. 1616 01:08:23,106 --> 01:08:25,372 I was with two other guys all night and now I'm fight... 1617 01:08:25,374 --> 01:08:26,974 Oh, really? Two other guys? 1618 01:08:26,976 --> 01:08:29,010 I'd love to hang out with two other people. 1619 01:08:29,012 --> 01:08:30,243 Is that a challenge? 1620 01:08:30,245 --> 01:08:31,845 It might be! Yeah. 1621 01:08:31,847 --> 01:08:33,113 I don't know who I'm gonna start with, 1622 01:08:33,115 --> 01:08:34,748 but I know who I'm gonna end with. 1623 01:08:34,750 --> 01:08:36,216 Well, let's get started right now! 1624 01:08:36,218 --> 01:08:38,752 - You guys wanna dance? - I would love to dance. 1625 01:08:38,754 --> 01:08:40,654 - I would love to dance. - You wanna dance? 1626 01:08:40,656 --> 01:08:42,055 Let's do it! Come on, Isaac! 1627 01:08:42,057 --> 01:08:44,324 Oh, my God. This is so nice! This is the best! 1628 01:08:44,326 --> 01:08:46,693 What a turn of events! What? 1629 01:08:59,142 --> 01:09:02,012 Holy fucking shit! 1630 01:09:10,352 --> 01:09:11,885 You're Miley Cyrus. 1631 01:09:11,887 --> 01:09:14,255 - Yeah. - No, you don't understand. 1632 01:09:14,257 --> 01:09:17,891 I was just looking for this girl that I love, and she loves you. 1633 01:09:17,893 --> 01:09:19,760 God, no. I did that with two fans one time. 1634 01:09:19,762 --> 01:09:21,761 - It got super awkward. - That's not what I meant. 1635 01:09:21,763 --> 01:09:23,163 Sorry, you don't understand. 1636 01:09:23,165 --> 01:09:25,131 That'd be awesome... But, no, I just mean... 1637 01:09:25,133 --> 01:09:27,333 This has gotta be some kind of Christmas miracle, 1638 01:09:27,335 --> 01:09:29,403 because she talks about you 1639 01:09:29,405 --> 01:09:31,305 and your song a lot. 1640 01:09:31,307 --> 01:09:33,908 And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize, tonight, 1641 01:09:33,910 --> 01:09:35,475 she's the love of my life. 1642 01:09:35,477 --> 01:09:38,845 And I wanted tonight to be a special night for me and her. 1643 01:09:38,847 --> 01:09:42,049 - Now you're here and... - You want to propose tonight? 1644 01:09:42,051 --> 01:09:43,917 Oh, my God! That is so romantic. 1645 01:09:43,919 --> 01:09:45,318 That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. 1646 01:09:45,320 --> 01:09:46,487 I mean, I was just thinking 1647 01:09:46,489 --> 01:09:47,854 you could dedicate a song to her. 1648 01:09:47,856 --> 01:09:50,491 What? You gotta propose! 1649 01:09:50,493 --> 01:09:51,992 Come on! It's Christmas. 1650 01:09:51,994 --> 01:09:53,860 It's like, go big or go fucking home! 1651 01:09:53,862 --> 01:09:56,162 I mean, you love this girl. You say you love her, right? 1652 01:09:56,164 --> 01:09:59,766 Yeah. But I don't know if tonight's the right time for... 1653 01:09:59,768 --> 01:10:01,034 Oh, God. Are you one of those guys 1654 01:10:01,036 --> 01:10:02,435 that are always making up excuses? 1655 01:10:02,437 --> 01:10:03,970 I fucking hate those kind of guys. 1656 01:10:03,972 --> 01:10:05,840 No, Miley Cyrus, I'm not one of those guys. 1657 01:10:05,842 --> 01:10:07,241 All right, then don't be a pussy! 1658 01:10:07,243 --> 01:10:08,442 You got to propose to her! 1659 01:10:08,444 --> 01:10:09,943 There's all this magic in the air, 1660 01:10:09,945 --> 01:10:12,345 people want to fall in love. 1661 01:10:12,347 --> 01:10:14,948 Okay. Okay! Then I will! 1662 01:10:14,950 --> 01:10:16,817 This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign! 1663 01:10:16,819 --> 01:10:19,153 - It's gonna be fucking awesome. - I'm gonna propose! 1664 01:10:19,155 --> 01:10:21,287 Yeah, you're gonna propose! I'm gonna help you out. 1665 01:10:21,289 --> 01:10:23,924 We're gonna propose! Oh, my God! We're gonna propose! 1666 01:10:23,926 --> 01:10:26,060 We're gonna propose! Okay! 1667 01:10:26,062 --> 01:10:27,795 Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thing 1668 01:10:27,797 --> 01:10:28,996 that anyone's ever done for me! 1669 01:10:28,998 --> 01:10:30,898 You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus. 1670 01:10:30,900 --> 01:10:33,833 - What should I call you? - Hannah. 1671 01:10:33,835 --> 01:10:35,869 Just kidding. I'm drunk. Let's do this thing! 1672 01:10:35,871 --> 01:10:37,971 - What's up, man? - Hey, Chris. 1673 01:10:37,973 --> 01:10:40,107 - Yeah, what up, boy? - Hey, what's up, K? 1674 01:10:40,109 --> 01:10:42,777 Hey, Reverend Run, man. It's your boy, Reverend Run. 1675 01:10:42,779 --> 01:10:44,211 What that supposed to mean? 1676 01:10:44,213 --> 01:10:47,213 Hey, Messiah. Check this shit out, dude. 1677 01:10:47,215 --> 01:10:50,083 - Oh, shit. Is that you? - The fuck is that? 1678 01:10:50,085 --> 01:10:51,918 Nah, it was a Make-A-Wish thing, man. 1679 01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:53,319 Those two kids have Crohn's disease. 1680 01:10:53,321 --> 01:10:55,389 It was their wish to do karaoke with me. 1681 01:10:55,391 --> 01:10:58,292 Man, damn dog, you look just as white as they do. 1682 01:10:58,294 --> 01:11:00,894 - Yeah, which one are you? - Look at that sweater! 1683 01:11:03,865 --> 01:11:07,134 I got you! I got you! I got you! 1684 01:11:07,136 --> 01:11:08,402 Oh, man! 1685 01:11:08,404 --> 01:11:10,003 - Yeah! - Yeah. 1686 01:11:10,005 --> 01:11:12,006 - You're a great dancer, man. - Oh, thanks, dude. 1687 01:11:12,008 --> 01:11:14,542 Appreciate it. I'm pretty high on Molly right now. 1688 01:11:14,544 --> 01:11:16,943 I'm high too. I'm high too. 1689 01:11:16,945 --> 01:11:19,145 - I am digging this beard. - Thanks, man. 1690 01:11:19,147 --> 01:11:22,283 - Yo, carpet match the drapes? - Yeah, I got a big bush. 1691 01:11:22,285 --> 01:11:25,552 My carpet matches my drapes. 1692 01:11:25,554 --> 01:11:28,354 Look at this guy! He's furry all over! 1693 01:11:28,356 --> 01:11:29,957 Whoo! Nice! 1694 01:11:29,959 --> 01:11:31,292 You need to get the fuck out of here. 1695 01:11:31,294 --> 01:11:32,893 You're being a huge cockblock. 1696 01:11:32,895 --> 01:11:34,295 - I'm not being a cockblock. - Yes, you are! 1697 01:11:34,297 --> 01:11:36,063 What the fuck are you talking about? 1698 01:11:36,065 --> 01:11:37,497 I don't think I could block this guy's cock. 1699 01:11:37,499 --> 01:11:40,466 It'd take 10 men to block that thing. 1700 01:11:42,004 --> 01:11:43,604 Merry Christmas, New York City! 1701 01:11:43,606 --> 01:11:45,271 Oh, no. Miley's here? 1702 01:11:45,273 --> 01:11:47,207 Miley Cyrus? 1703 01:11:47,209 --> 01:11:51,444 ♪ We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain ♪ 1704 01:11:51,446 --> 01:11:53,113 ♪ We jumped ♪ 1705 01:11:53,115 --> 01:11:55,149 ♪ Never asking why ♪ 1706 01:11:55,151 --> 01:11:57,251 - This is great! - This is so cool. 1707 01:11:57,253 --> 01:11:59,619 Where's Diana? This is, like, our song. 1708 01:11:59,621 --> 01:12:03,224 ♪ A love no one could deny ♪ 1709 01:12:03,226 --> 01:12:05,192 All right, everybody, give it up to my friend. 1710 01:12:05,194 --> 01:12:06,894 What the fuck is your name again? 1711 01:12:06,896 --> 01:12:08,628 - Ethan. - Ethan! 1712 01:12:12,468 --> 01:12:16,871 ♪ Don't you ever say I just walked away ♪ 1713 01:12:16,873 --> 01:12:21,074 ♪ I will always want you ♪ 1714 01:12:21,076 --> 01:12:23,143 ♪ I forgot these words ♪ 1715 01:12:23,145 --> 01:12:25,246 ♪ Doesn't matter though ♪ 1716 01:12:25,248 --> 01:12:30,184 ♪ I will always want you ♪ 1717 01:12:30,186 --> 01:12:34,921 ♪ I came in Like a wrecking ball ♪ 1718 01:12:34,923 --> 01:12:38,292 ♪ I never hit so hard In love ♪ 1719 01:12:38,294 --> 01:12:42,363 ♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪ 1720 01:12:42,365 --> 01:12:47,501 ♪ All you ever did Was wreck me ♪ 1721 01:12:47,503 --> 01:12:49,036 ♪ Yeah, you ♪ 1722 01:12:49,038 --> 01:12:51,104 ♪ You wreck me ♪ 1723 01:12:51,106 --> 01:12:53,142 Yeah! 1724 01:12:54,209 --> 01:12:55,611 Diana... 1725 01:12:57,512 --> 01:12:58,979 Dude, can you move? 1726 01:12:58,981 --> 01:13:02,582 In the red. Move. Yeah, thanks. 1727 01:13:02,584 --> 01:13:04,484 Diana, listen, 1728 01:13:04,486 --> 01:13:07,988 I know we're not really even going out anymore, 1729 01:13:07,990 --> 01:13:10,189 and that's because I wouldn't commit. 1730 01:13:10,191 --> 01:13:12,559 - This is crazy. - But I'm ready to commit. Hard. 1731 01:13:12,561 --> 01:13:15,561 ♪ I'm ready to commit ♪ 1732 01:13:15,563 --> 01:13:17,534 Hard like a wrecking ball. 1733 01:13:18,700 --> 01:13:21,435 You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, girl. 1734 01:13:21,437 --> 01:13:23,037 You make me laugh. 1735 01:13:23,039 --> 01:13:25,171 You're cool as hell. You don't take any shit. 1736 01:13:25,173 --> 01:13:26,506 ♪ None of his shit ♪ 1737 01:13:26,508 --> 01:13:28,007 You're smarter than I am. 1738 01:13:28,009 --> 01:13:30,277 - Probably better than I deserve. - This is so romantic. 1739 01:13:30,279 --> 01:13:32,345 But go big or go home. Right, Miley? 1740 01:13:32,347 --> 01:13:33,546 No, E. 1741 01:13:33,548 --> 01:13:37,283 ♪ Go big or go home ♪ 1742 01:13:37,285 --> 01:13:40,621 When I let you go, that was just me fucking up, 1743 01:13:40,623 --> 01:13:43,256 but I don't wanna ever let you go again. Not now, not ever. 1744 01:13:43,258 --> 01:13:45,591 And definitely not on fucking Christmas! 1745 01:13:45,593 --> 01:13:48,162 ♪ On fucking Christmas ♪ 1746 01:13:48,164 --> 01:13:49,997 So this is it, Diana. 1747 01:13:49,999 --> 01:13:53,466 - Only live once, bro! - Stop encouraging him, James. 1748 01:13:53,468 --> 01:13:54,667 Will you marry me? 1749 01:13:54,669 --> 01:13:57,003 Aww... 1750 01:13:57,005 --> 01:13:59,707 Say yes. Yes. 1751 01:14:04,413 --> 01:14:06,980 - Yes. - Yeah! 1752 01:14:06,982 --> 01:14:08,448 - Fuck! - Yes! 1753 01:14:08,450 --> 01:14:13,252 ♪ I came in Like a wrecking ball ♪ 1754 01:14:13,254 --> 01:14:17,190 ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪ 1755 01:14:17,192 --> 01:14:21,194 ♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪ 1756 01:14:21,196 --> 01:14:25,532 ♪ All you ever did Was wreck me ♪ 1757 01:14:25,534 --> 01:14:27,368 ♪ I came in Like a wrecking ball ♪ 1758 01:14:27,370 --> 01:14:30,203 Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast. Excuse me. 1759 01:14:30,205 --> 01:14:33,540 ♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes And swung ♪ 1760 01:14:33,542 --> 01:14:35,408 ♪ Left me crashing in A blazing fall ♪ 1761 01:14:35,410 --> 01:14:37,211 I'm gonna be right back. 1762 01:14:37,213 --> 01:14:38,746 Y'all stay black. 1763 01:14:38,748 --> 01:14:40,279 - Hey. - Yeah? 1764 01:14:40,281 --> 01:14:42,349 All this romance is getting me really hot. 1765 01:14:42,351 --> 01:14:44,051 You wanna go back to the hotel room? 1766 01:14:44,053 --> 01:14:46,252 Hey, I feel like you might be gay. 1767 01:14:46,254 --> 01:14:48,588 - Not right now, I'm not. - Okay. 1768 01:14:48,590 --> 01:14:50,024 - All right. - Okay. 1769 01:14:50,026 --> 01:14:51,524 Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God! 1770 01:14:51,526 --> 01:14:53,793 Oh, my God! This is the greatest night of our lives! 1771 01:14:53,795 --> 01:14:56,095 - That was crazy. - That's so crazy, right? 1772 01:14:56,097 --> 01:14:57,398 Listen, I'm sorry about the ring. 1773 01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:59,099 I'll get you a ring, I promise. 1774 01:14:59,101 --> 01:15:00,400 We can do that tomorrow. 1775 01:15:00,402 --> 01:15:02,502 No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you. 1776 01:15:02,504 --> 01:15:03,703 What do you mean? 1777 01:15:03,705 --> 01:15:06,239 We're not even together. 1778 01:15:06,241 --> 01:15:08,375 I haven't even spoken to you in, like, three months! 1779 01:15:08,377 --> 01:15:10,144 I addressed that in the speech. 1780 01:15:10,146 --> 01:15:12,246 I know, and then you show up here and you propose to me 1781 01:15:12,248 --> 01:15:14,047 in front of hundreds of people. 1782 01:15:14,049 --> 01:15:16,250 - That's crazy. - Wait, I'm sorry. 1783 01:15:16,252 --> 01:15:18,652 We're not getting married? This is a no? 1784 01:15:18,654 --> 01:15:21,055 No! It's a no! No! 1785 01:15:21,057 --> 01:15:24,824 I'm so sorry that you're clearly going through a lot right now. 1786 01:15:24,826 --> 01:15:26,460 I'm sorry that your friends 1787 01:15:26,462 --> 01:15:28,362 don't wanna hang out with you on Christmas. 1788 01:15:28,364 --> 01:15:30,130 I understand that that's hard for you. 1789 01:15:30,132 --> 01:15:31,799 That is not a reason for you to grab onto me 1790 01:15:31,801 --> 01:15:34,534 like I'm your lifeline! 1791 01:15:34,536 --> 01:15:36,302 Why'd you say yes? 1792 01:15:36,304 --> 01:15:38,538 I said yes because everybody was looking at me. 1793 01:15:38,540 --> 01:15:41,574 I said yes because Miley clearly wanted me to say yes! 1794 01:15:41,576 --> 01:15:44,580 And I didn't want Miley to think that I hated love! 1795 01:15:45,748 --> 01:15:47,280 That's understandable. 1796 01:15:47,282 --> 01:15:49,817 I wouldn't want that either. 1797 01:15:49,819 --> 01:15:51,920 Okay, look, I... 1798 01:15:53,155 --> 01:15:54,387 I was really just trying to do 1799 01:15:54,389 --> 01:15:55,823 what I thought you wanted me to do, 1800 01:15:55,825 --> 01:15:57,591 and that's because I love you. 1801 01:15:57,593 --> 01:15:59,659 It's been three months, I haven't stopped. 1802 01:15:59,661 --> 01:16:01,194 I'm not gonna stop. 1803 01:16:01,196 --> 01:16:03,863 I'm not your answer... 1804 01:16:03,865 --> 01:16:06,867 right now, Ethan. 1805 01:16:06,869 --> 01:16:09,572 Wait, wait. No, no. Can we talk? 1806 01:16:16,512 --> 01:16:19,113 Oh, my God! Hi! 1807 01:16:19,115 --> 01:16:20,546 - You're Tommy Owens! - Yeah, thank you. 1808 01:16:20,548 --> 01:16:22,850 You're the Messiah! You really are the Messiah! 1809 01:16:22,852 --> 01:16:24,451 You saved my fantasy team last year! 1810 01:16:24,453 --> 01:16:26,119 - I'm a huge fan. - That's good to know. 1811 01:16:26,121 --> 01:16:27,354 You have a good night. 1812 01:16:27,356 --> 01:16:29,189 - You're big in real life. - Pleasure, man. 1813 01:16:29,191 --> 01:16:30,424 Look, can you help me out? 1814 01:16:30,426 --> 01:16:33,226 We have a friend in common. Chris. 1815 01:16:33,228 --> 01:16:35,665 - I'm looking for my buddy Ethan. - Oh, shit. 1816 01:16:37,133 --> 01:16:39,366 - Hey! - I'm sorry! 1817 01:16:39,368 --> 01:16:41,534 I'm sorry, I got it. I got it. 1818 01:16:43,873 --> 01:16:45,404 Oh, no. 1819 01:16:45,406 --> 01:16:46,773 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Are you okay? 1820 01:16:46,775 --> 01:16:48,876 Hey, it's glass, man. Why you picking it up? 1821 01:16:48,878 --> 01:16:50,344 I'm just trying to help out, man. 1822 01:16:50,346 --> 01:16:53,613 - Come on. - Oh, shit! 1823 01:16:54,749 --> 01:16:55,916 Holy shit! 1824 01:16:55,918 --> 01:16:58,585 I'm sorry! 1825 01:16:58,587 --> 01:17:00,621 The Jewish guy crucified the Messiah! 1826 01:17:00,623 --> 01:17:04,358 It was rabbi dancing motherfucker! 1827 01:17:04,360 --> 01:17:07,260 It's happening again! It's happening again! 1828 01:17:08,696 --> 01:17:12,533 Ethan! Ethan! Diana! 1829 01:17:12,535 --> 01:17:13,568 Congratulations! 1830 01:17:13,570 --> 01:17:16,769 - No! Stop congratulating me! - What? What happened? 1831 01:17:16,771 --> 01:17:18,838 Just go talk to Ethan. 1832 01:17:18,840 --> 01:17:20,774 Shit. 1833 01:17:20,776 --> 01:17:23,810 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I think he's gonna be fine. 1834 01:17:23,812 --> 01:17:25,345 Please, punch him in the face! 1835 01:17:25,347 --> 01:17:27,514 I thought the Messiah preached forgiveness! 1836 01:17:27,516 --> 01:17:29,582 Look at me, asshole. What the fuck wrong with you? 1837 01:17:29,584 --> 01:17:32,786 - Who the fuck are you? - Hey. He's my friend! 1838 01:17:32,788 --> 01:17:34,557 Back off, man! 1839 01:17:35,624 --> 01:17:37,724 Yo! Back the fuck up, all right? 1840 01:17:37,726 --> 01:17:39,458 Oh, shit just got real, huh? 1841 01:17:39,460 --> 01:17:41,862 Yeah, go ahead and punch him, man. TMZ will love that shit. 1842 01:17:41,864 --> 01:17:44,497 I got the biggest motherfucking phone on the planet. 1843 01:17:44,499 --> 01:17:47,333 And your ass will be trending in 10 minutes. 1844 01:17:47,335 --> 01:17:50,203 Who in here follow Chrisrob11? 1845 01:17:50,205 --> 01:17:51,572 Put your fucking hands down! 1846 01:17:51,574 --> 01:17:53,940 - His social media game is crazy! - Crazy! 1847 01:17:53,942 --> 01:17:55,908 Run. 1848 01:17:55,910 --> 01:17:59,579 Go, go. Get out. No! No! 1849 01:17:59,581 --> 01:18:00,747 Yeah! 1850 01:18:00,749 --> 01:18:03,850 - No, no! - I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer! 1851 01:18:17,566 --> 01:18:21,835 - Magical night, isn't it? - Jesus. You scared me. 1852 01:18:21,837 --> 01:18:23,970 Mr. Green. 1853 01:18:23,972 --> 01:18:26,607 Man, you're everywhere tonight. 1854 01:18:26,609 --> 01:18:29,243 I end every Christmas at this party. 1855 01:18:29,245 --> 01:18:30,711 What do you mean? How do you get in? 1856 01:18:30,713 --> 01:18:32,011 It's my party. 1857 01:18:32,013 --> 01:18:33,713 What? 1858 01:18:33,715 --> 01:18:35,515 About 20 years ago, 1859 01:18:35,517 --> 01:18:38,585 I read The Great Gatsby. 1860 01:18:38,587 --> 01:18:40,319 I love that book. 1861 01:18:40,321 --> 01:18:42,756 Movie's all right. 3D gives me a headache, 1862 01:18:42,758 --> 01:18:45,027 but I'm a sucker for Leo. 1863 01:18:46,728 --> 01:18:48,427 So this guy, 1864 01:18:48,429 --> 01:18:51,598 he throws all these parties, and nobody knows who he is. 1865 01:18:51,600 --> 01:18:54,734 I thought, "Wow, that's pretty fucking cool." 1866 01:18:54,736 --> 01:18:57,770 My cousin Larry's got this giant warehouse in Brooklyn, 1867 01:18:57,772 --> 01:19:01,808 figured I'm working on Christmas anyway, so I should do it too. 1868 01:19:01,810 --> 01:19:04,043 We started out pretty small. 1869 01:19:04,045 --> 01:19:07,014 Just a punch bowl and some sleigh bells, 1870 01:19:07,016 --> 01:19:08,681 and it gets bigger and bigger every year. 1871 01:19:08,683 --> 01:19:11,717 This year we added that train. 1872 01:19:11,719 --> 01:19:13,753 - Through the trippy tunnel of lights. - Yeah. 1873 01:19:13,755 --> 01:19:16,092 - Cool way to enter a party, right? - Yeah. 1874 01:19:17,493 --> 01:19:19,292 What'd you think of Miley? 1875 01:19:19,294 --> 01:19:21,897 Yeah, she was great. She was great. 1876 01:19:23,432 --> 01:19:26,736 Ethan, you and I both know, Miley was flawless. 1877 01:19:27,835 --> 01:19:30,836 Something's bugging you. 1878 01:19:33,342 --> 01:19:36,810 Your friends, they ain't gonna leave you. 1879 01:19:36,812 --> 01:19:38,444 They need you, kid. 1880 01:19:38,446 --> 01:19:40,015 How do you know about that? 1881 01:19:41,049 --> 01:19:43,449 Smoke this. 1882 01:19:43,451 --> 01:19:46,519 Nah, I'm good, man. Weed makes me paranoid now. 1883 01:19:46,521 --> 01:19:49,989 This is the staff of life. 1884 01:19:49,991 --> 01:19:51,725 Okay. 1885 01:19:51,727 --> 01:19:53,659 You're making me a little uncomfortable. 1886 01:19:53,661 --> 01:19:55,796 I've been told my quiet intensity 1887 01:19:55,798 --> 01:19:58,098 has that effect on people. 1888 01:19:58,100 --> 01:20:00,067 But sometimes, 1889 01:20:00,069 --> 01:20:03,572 being uncomfortable can be a good thing. 1890 01:20:18,419 --> 01:20:21,122 Fuck it. Thanks. 1891 01:20:37,106 --> 01:20:38,572 - Hey. - Hey, man. 1892 01:20:38,574 --> 01:20:40,774 - 'Sup, dude? - What are you guys doing here? 1893 01:20:40,776 --> 01:20:44,043 We just thought maybe you'd wanna hang out. 1894 01:20:44,045 --> 01:20:45,845 Some company or something. 1895 01:20:45,847 --> 01:20:48,114 - Just say what's up. - Yeah, just say what's up. 1896 01:20:48,116 --> 01:20:49,649 That's cool. 1897 01:20:49,651 --> 01:20:51,551 I'm packing all this shit up. 1898 01:20:51,553 --> 01:20:53,854 Old people have so much stuff. You guys remember that. 1899 01:20:53,856 --> 01:20:56,122 You have to throw things away in life. 1900 01:20:56,124 --> 01:20:58,159 For sure. 1901 01:21:00,462 --> 01:21:02,863 - Play some Nintendo? - Yeah, N64? 1902 01:21:02,865 --> 01:21:05,498 I think I'm just gonna chill here. 1903 01:21:05,500 --> 01:21:07,000 I appreciate you guys coming over, 1904 01:21:07,002 --> 01:21:08,835 but I think I'm just gonna... 1905 01:21:08,837 --> 01:21:11,837 No, man. Fuck that, dude. It's Christmas. 1906 01:21:11,839 --> 01:21:14,643 You can't be alone. Let's hang out. 1907 01:21:16,477 --> 01:21:19,445 Go to my mom's house. Play some "GoldenEye." 1908 01:21:19,447 --> 01:21:21,782 Come on. Look, I got some whiskey. 1909 01:21:21,784 --> 01:21:23,449 I stole some hash from my brother. 1910 01:21:23,451 --> 01:21:24,618 Rolled it in this doobie. 1911 01:21:24,620 --> 01:21:26,922 We get pretty fucked up. 1912 01:21:33,695 --> 01:21:34,827 I'm sorry. 1913 01:21:34,829 --> 01:21:36,997 - No. It's cool. - It's all good, man. 1914 01:21:36,999 --> 01:21:39,035 It's okay, man. 1915 01:21:45,507 --> 01:21:48,175 I just miss them. 1916 01:21:48,177 --> 01:21:49,708 We miss them too. 1917 01:21:49,710 --> 01:21:51,144 Yeah, man. 1918 01:21:51,146 --> 01:21:53,046 But you know what? 1919 01:21:53,048 --> 01:21:55,015 We're your new family now. 1920 01:21:55,017 --> 01:21:56,917 I'll be your daddy, Chris'll be your mommy. 1921 01:21:56,919 --> 01:21:59,188 No, I'm gonna be the daddy, you be the mom. 1922 01:22:00,222 --> 01:22:01,654 You guys are good friends. 1923 01:22:01,656 --> 01:22:03,489 We'll be here whenever you need us, man. 1924 01:22:03,491 --> 01:22:04,658 Always, man. 1925 01:22:04,660 --> 01:22:07,229 Yeah, always there for you, bro. 1926 01:22:09,764 --> 01:22:11,064 You can't smoke that in here. 1927 01:22:11,066 --> 01:22:12,799 You can't smoke that in here. 1928 01:22:12,801 --> 01:22:14,836 Figure we can now. 1929 01:22:15,971 --> 01:22:17,604 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1930 01:22:17,606 --> 01:22:19,805 - Fuck, that's crazy. - What we hiding this for? 1931 01:22:19,807 --> 01:22:21,107 Take a hit, dude. 1932 01:22:21,109 --> 01:22:22,676 A little bit for the homeys. 1933 01:22:22,678 --> 01:22:24,810 It's so cold outside too. 1934 01:22:24,812 --> 01:22:28,081 We should go to Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center. 1935 01:22:28,083 --> 01:22:29,783 - Yes. - That's a good idea. 1936 01:22:29,785 --> 01:22:31,551 Then we go to FAO Schwarz... 1937 01:22:31,553 --> 01:22:33,686 - And we dance on the piano! - And we dance on the piano! 1938 01:22:33,688 --> 01:22:35,221 - Like Tom Hanks in Big. - "Heart and Soul." 1939 01:22:35,223 --> 01:22:37,556 Then we eat Chinese food, because I'm fucking high. 1940 01:22:37,558 --> 01:22:40,594 And then go to the karaoke spot right by the Chinese food place. 1941 01:22:40,596 --> 01:22:42,962 That's a fucking good idea. 1942 01:22:42,964 --> 01:22:44,831 It's a dope night. 1943 01:22:51,673 --> 01:22:54,276 That was fucking touching, yo. 1944 01:22:55,611 --> 01:22:58,010 Those are some ride-or-die homeys you got there. 1945 01:22:58,012 --> 01:23:01,180 Cherish that shit. 1946 01:23:01,182 --> 01:23:03,582 It's all different now. 1947 01:23:03,584 --> 01:23:05,685 Those guys don't need me anymore. 1948 01:23:05,687 --> 01:23:07,220 Oh, yeah? Listen. 1949 01:23:07,222 --> 01:23:09,588 We need him! We're not leaving without him! 1950 01:23:09,590 --> 01:23:12,225 He's my best friend in the world. I can't leave him here. 1951 01:23:12,227 --> 01:23:15,060 Don't let the red noses fool you, these fuckers are tough. 1952 01:23:15,062 --> 01:23:17,063 What if I run in, and you try to climb in a window? 1953 01:23:17,065 --> 01:23:18,998 Maybe if you boost me up we can get around them. 1954 01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,001 No, I can't boost you, you're too heavy, man. 1955 01:23:21,003 --> 01:23:23,737 We need our friend and we'll never leave him behind! 1956 01:23:23,739 --> 01:23:25,939 - Hand him over, reindeer! - Yo! 1957 01:23:25,941 --> 01:23:27,274 I'll charge and you go. 1958 01:23:27,276 --> 01:23:28,774 - There he is! - Hey! 1959 01:23:28,776 --> 01:23:30,543 We've been looking everywhere for you! 1960 01:23:30,545 --> 01:23:32,711 - Rudolph is kicking our ass! - I'm here! 1961 01:23:32,713 --> 01:23:34,146 Get down here so we can go! 1962 01:23:34,148 --> 01:23:35,282 Here I come! 1963 01:23:35,284 --> 01:23:37,283 Come around! 1964 01:23:37,285 --> 01:23:40,252 I'm fuckin'... I got your nose! 1965 01:23:40,254 --> 01:23:42,255 I got your nose, asshole! 1966 01:23:42,257 --> 01:23:45,126 How about that, Rudolph? Huh? 1967 01:23:46,594 --> 01:23:48,694 - Thanks, Mr. Green. - You're welcome. 1968 01:23:56,637 --> 01:23:58,171 It was a pretty dumb thing you did. 1969 01:23:58,173 --> 01:24:00,306 I know. I didn't think it through at all. 1970 01:24:00,308 --> 01:24:02,042 I just saw her at the bar and just... 1971 01:24:02,044 --> 01:24:04,978 I don't know man, I really, really like this girl. 1972 01:24:04,980 --> 01:24:06,145 I can't help it. 1973 01:24:06,147 --> 01:24:10,850 I was scared of being alone, and did some stupid shit. 1974 01:24:10,852 --> 01:24:12,351 I think she just wanted you to do 1975 01:24:12,353 --> 01:24:15,654 some normal shit that boyfriends do after two years of dating. 1976 01:24:15,656 --> 01:24:17,924 But I'm not normal. You know this. I'm not normal. 1977 01:24:17,926 --> 01:24:20,726 Bunch of abnormal shit happened to me. 1978 01:24:20,728 --> 01:24:23,866 Or, I don't know, maybe that's just an excuse. 1979 01:24:24,932 --> 01:24:27,300 I guess I'm pretty good at making excuses. 1980 01:24:27,302 --> 01:24:29,034 - Yeah. - All the time. 1981 01:24:29,036 --> 01:24:32,171 If you get paid for that, you'd be really successful. 1982 01:24:32,173 --> 01:24:33,640 Why didn't you tell me? 1983 01:24:33,642 --> 01:24:35,175 You know, it's hard to tell someone. 1984 01:24:35,177 --> 01:24:37,109 You have a good reason to be making excuses. 1985 01:24:37,111 --> 01:24:39,948 It's just kind of ruining your life. 1986 01:24:43,084 --> 01:24:45,952 It's harder to stay friends with people when you're older. 1987 01:24:45,954 --> 01:24:48,822 You have so much of your own shit going on. 1988 01:24:48,824 --> 01:24:51,224 We'll just have to try harder. 1989 01:24:51,226 --> 01:24:53,126 It's important, you know? 1990 01:24:53,128 --> 01:24:55,095 Come on. 1991 01:24:55,097 --> 01:24:57,063 I really love you. 1992 01:24:57,065 --> 01:24:58,230 I love you a lot. 1993 01:24:58,232 --> 01:24:59,765 Thanks, man. 1994 01:25:01,703 --> 01:25:03,836 Oh, no. 1995 01:25:03,838 --> 01:25:05,838 - Oh, no. - What's up? 1996 01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:07,207 I have 96 missed calls. 1997 01:25:07,209 --> 01:25:08,841 Holy shit. 1998 01:25:08,843 --> 01:25:12,112 - Oh, no, Betsy's gone into labor, I bet. - No. 1999 01:25:12,114 --> 01:25:14,146 Why the fuck would she call that many times? 2000 01:25:14,148 --> 01:25:15,881 Oh, no, she's calling again. 2001 01:25:15,883 --> 01:25:17,250 Hello? 2002 01:25:17,252 --> 01:25:20,119 Hello? Yes. All right. 2003 01:25:20,121 --> 01:25:22,322 All right. That's fine. 2004 01:25:22,324 --> 01:25:26,426 Uh, I will be right there. As fast as I can. Don't worry. 2005 01:25:28,096 --> 01:25:29,796 Betsy's going into fucking labor. 2006 01:25:29,798 --> 01:25:31,131 What? 2007 01:25:34,268 --> 01:25:36,269 Oh, no! Oh, no! 2008 01:25:36,271 --> 01:25:39,805 - Come on! - Oh, no! 2009 01:25:39,807 --> 01:25:42,274 We'll never get a fucking cab over here! 2010 01:25:42,276 --> 01:25:44,045 Wait, look! 2011 01:25:45,146 --> 01:25:47,780 It's Mr. Green's car! It's a Christmas miracle! 2012 01:25:47,782 --> 01:25:49,349 - Isaac, can you drive? - Yeah! 2013 01:25:49,351 --> 01:25:51,885 No, no, no, I'm kidding! I'll drive! 2014 01:26:01,029 --> 01:26:03,930 I believe I finally earned these. 2015 01:26:10,038 --> 01:26:12,037 Come on. I got you. I got you. 2016 01:26:12,039 --> 01:26:15,410 No, no, no. There you go. There you go. 2017 01:26:16,911 --> 01:26:19,244 Get out of the way! 2018 01:26:27,289 --> 01:26:29,456 Where is she? Where is she? 2019 01:26:32,194 --> 01:26:34,961 Cindy? Where is she? Is everything okay? 2020 01:26:34,963 --> 01:26:36,796 It's okay. Nothing happened. 2021 01:26:36,798 --> 01:26:38,131 - Really? - It was a false alarm. 2022 01:26:38,133 --> 01:26:39,832 Oh, God! 2023 01:26:39,834 --> 01:26:41,801 False alarm! 2024 01:26:41,803 --> 01:26:43,135 Betsy? Betsy? 2025 01:26:43,137 --> 01:26:44,503 Thank God. I'm so sorry. 2026 01:26:44,505 --> 01:26:45,971 Where were you? 2027 01:26:45,973 --> 01:26:47,774 I made a mistake. I made a huge mistake. 2028 01:26:47,776 --> 01:26:49,074 I called you. 2029 01:26:49,076 --> 01:26:51,310 - I switched phones with Sarah. - From work? 2030 01:26:51,312 --> 01:26:53,179 It's a long story. 2031 01:26:53,181 --> 01:26:56,149 It doesn't matter. I just need to tell you something. Okay? 2032 01:26:56,151 --> 01:26:57,984 Okay. 2033 01:26:57,986 --> 01:26:59,786 I'm gonna come clean with you. 2034 01:26:59,788 --> 01:27:01,854 Those drugs you gave me, 2035 01:27:01,856 --> 01:27:03,890 they sent me on a spirit quest. 2036 01:27:03,892 --> 01:27:05,125 You know, like a spirit quest 2037 01:27:05,127 --> 01:27:07,092 in an Oliver Stone movie or Young Guns. 2038 01:27:07,094 --> 01:27:09,895 And when that happened, I kind of realized 2039 01:27:09,897 --> 01:27:13,265 that maybe I've been lying to, maybe, myself and you 2040 01:27:13,267 --> 01:27:16,402 about how I really feel about some stuff. 2041 01:27:16,404 --> 01:27:17,770 I'm just gonna show you this. 2042 01:27:17,772 --> 01:27:20,206 - Just watch this. - Okay. 2043 01:27:20,208 --> 01:27:22,509 This baby is a bad fucking call. I'm not ready for it! 2044 01:27:22,511 --> 01:27:25,345 We got to do this responsible thing, and I got to say 2045 01:27:25,347 --> 01:27:27,514 that we should not be having this baby! 2046 01:27:27,516 --> 01:27:29,248 Get rid of this fucking baby! 2047 01:27:29,250 --> 01:27:30,984 Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere! 2048 01:27:30,986 --> 01:27:32,284 Put it in a basket 2049 01:27:32,286 --> 01:27:33,920 and push it down a fucking river! 2050 01:27:33,922 --> 01:27:36,288 - Are you laughing? - This is hilarious. 2051 01:27:36,290 --> 01:27:37,457 Cunt! 2052 01:27:37,459 --> 01:27:39,125 Did you just call our baby a cunt? 2053 01:27:39,127 --> 01:27:40,292 I forgot about that. 2054 01:27:40,294 --> 01:27:42,996 Honestly? Okay, I can't watch anymore. 2055 01:27:42,998 --> 01:27:45,030 But honestly, I'm a little relieved. 2056 01:27:45,032 --> 01:27:46,498 - You are? - Are you kidding me! 2057 01:27:46,500 --> 01:27:50,002 I feel like such a dumb asshole compared to you sometimes. 2058 01:27:50,004 --> 01:27:51,871 It's all been a lie. It's all been a front, 2059 01:27:51,873 --> 01:27:53,139 because I'm fucking freaking out. 2060 01:27:53,141 --> 01:27:54,808 It's all just been to compensate 2061 01:27:54,810 --> 01:27:56,408 for the fact that I don't know anything. 2062 01:27:56,410 --> 01:27:58,877 - This is good. You need to let it out. - This is good? 2063 01:27:58,879 --> 01:28:00,880 Yes. You need to not bottle it up. 2064 01:28:00,882 --> 01:28:02,916 One of us has to not be freaking out. 2065 01:28:02,918 --> 01:28:05,150 - I'm actually okay. - Really? 2066 01:28:05,152 --> 01:28:08,153 Suddenly I was thinking about everything you've been saying, 2067 01:28:08,155 --> 01:28:11,890 about how strong we are, and how we can handle it. 2068 01:28:11,892 --> 01:28:13,393 And that made me feel better. 2069 01:28:13,395 --> 01:28:14,594 Really? 2070 01:28:14,596 --> 01:28:18,564 Yeah. I really feel like I can do this. 2071 01:28:18,566 --> 01:28:20,033 Look at me. 2072 01:28:20,035 --> 01:28:22,836 - I'm your rock. - You're my rock? 2073 01:28:22,838 --> 01:28:24,170 I'm Dwayne. 2074 01:28:24,172 --> 01:28:26,372 I get to have sex with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. 2075 01:28:26,374 --> 01:28:28,841 I love you, Isaac. 2076 01:28:28,843 --> 01:28:30,577 I love you, dragon. 2077 01:28:30,579 --> 01:28:33,179 Betsy. 2078 01:28:33,181 --> 01:28:36,082 Did you say "Dragon Betsy"? 2079 01:28:36,084 --> 01:28:37,417 I'm gonna keep being honest. 2080 01:28:37,419 --> 01:28:39,185 I'm tripping my fucking balls off still, 2081 01:28:39,187 --> 01:28:40,920 and you look like a dragon right now. 2082 01:28:40,922 --> 01:28:42,221 - I do? - Yeah. 2083 01:28:43,490 --> 01:28:45,591 - Ah! - Is that scary? 2084 01:28:45,593 --> 01:28:47,092 It's intense. 2085 01:28:48,362 --> 01:28:50,630 Let's just go. Can we just go? Let's just go. 2086 01:28:54,602 --> 01:28:57,269 That's nice. 2087 01:29:02,611 --> 01:29:05,377 - What is it? - Aww... 2088 01:29:09,950 --> 01:29:12,217 Couldn't have been easy to tell me that. 2089 01:29:12,219 --> 01:29:16,588 It's not gonna be easy to tell the world either. 2090 01:29:16,590 --> 01:29:19,091 Guess we gonna lose the park, huh? 2091 01:29:19,093 --> 01:29:22,996 Fuck that park. It got crackheads. 2092 01:29:22,998 --> 01:29:24,663 Say the grace, boy. 2093 01:29:24,665 --> 01:29:27,500 Yes, ma'am. 2094 01:29:27,502 --> 01:29:29,101 Heavenly Father, 2095 01:29:29,103 --> 01:29:31,069 thank you for this food we're about to receive. 2096 01:29:31,071 --> 01:29:33,273 Thank you for my momma. 2097 01:29:33,275 --> 01:29:37,377 Thank you for my friends and their families. 2098 01:30:10,044 --> 01:30:13,078 - Hi. - Really? 2099 01:30:13,080 --> 01:30:14,713 Are you gonna propose to me again? 2100 01:30:14,715 --> 01:30:16,181 - No. - Are you sure? 2101 01:30:16,183 --> 01:30:17,716 I just wanted to talk to you. 2102 01:30:17,718 --> 01:30:19,385 And I have something to tell you, 2103 01:30:19,387 --> 01:30:21,688 and I wanna tell it on Christmas. If that's all right? 2104 01:30:21,690 --> 01:30:23,389 So it can't wait. 2105 01:30:23,391 --> 01:30:25,591 Can you just come out here for a sec and we'll talk, 2106 01:30:25,593 --> 01:30:27,362 and then I'll go. I promise. 2107 01:30:30,965 --> 01:30:32,733 Okay. Fine. 2108 01:30:34,369 --> 01:30:35,301 What? 2109 01:30:35,303 --> 01:30:38,003 First of all, I'm sorry about last night. 2110 01:30:38,005 --> 01:30:40,506 - I know that was stupid. - Yeah. 2111 01:30:40,508 --> 01:30:43,576 And, uh... And... 2112 01:30:43,578 --> 01:30:47,212 And it was totally crazy that I wouldn't meet your parents. 2113 01:30:47,214 --> 01:30:49,649 That was just me being really... 2114 01:30:49,651 --> 01:30:52,318 Yeah. I agree with that. 2115 01:30:52,320 --> 01:30:55,688 But I guess I was... 2116 01:30:55,690 --> 01:30:57,189 I don't know, scared, 2117 01:30:57,191 --> 01:30:59,091 because Chris and Isaac have been my family 2118 01:30:59,093 --> 01:31:01,193 for the last 10 years, 2119 01:31:01,195 --> 01:31:03,462 so I didn't wanna meet your family 2120 01:31:03,464 --> 01:31:06,099 because that would change everything. 2121 01:31:06,101 --> 01:31:08,167 But everything changes, right? We all grow up, 2122 01:31:08,169 --> 01:31:11,703 and that's a good thing, I wanna grow up. I do. 2123 01:31:13,641 --> 01:31:16,743 I wanna grow up with you. 2124 01:31:16,745 --> 01:31:19,479 And I do wanna have a family, 2125 01:31:19,481 --> 01:31:22,180 other than two dudes. 2126 01:31:22,182 --> 01:31:27,720 But I want that family to... 2127 01:31:27,722 --> 01:31:30,390 I want it to be you. 2128 01:31:30,392 --> 01:31:35,028 Which is probably worse than proposing, 2129 01:31:35,030 --> 01:31:38,598 because now we're talking about you bearing my children. 2130 01:31:38,600 --> 01:31:40,466 Yeah. It's a lot. 2131 01:31:40,468 --> 01:31:44,773 But just pretend I'm saying it right, if you could. 2132 01:31:46,040 --> 01:31:48,073 I'd rather be the guy, from now on, 2133 01:31:48,075 --> 01:31:50,542 who says too much than not enough. 2134 01:31:50,544 --> 01:31:55,247 If we're being honest, I should apologize to you also 2135 01:31:55,249 --> 01:31:58,384 for stalking you, a little bit. 2136 01:31:58,386 --> 01:32:02,188 I knew that you were gonna be at that bar last night. 2137 01:32:02,190 --> 01:32:04,390 You pretended like that was just coincidence. 2138 01:32:04,392 --> 01:32:06,125 I did. And also, 2139 01:32:06,127 --> 01:32:09,127 if we're confessing things, 2140 01:32:09,129 --> 01:32:13,666 I do ask Betsy about you. 2141 01:32:13,668 --> 01:32:15,534 Kind of all the time. 2142 01:32:15,536 --> 01:32:16,802 She doesn't let on. 2143 01:32:16,804 --> 01:32:18,438 I know. Because she's my friend. 2144 01:32:18,440 --> 01:32:20,540 I ask her about you every time I see her. 2145 01:32:20,542 --> 01:32:22,809 - Oh, I know. - Yeah. 2146 01:32:22,811 --> 01:32:24,277 She tells me every time you ask. 2147 01:32:24,279 --> 01:32:25,811 She doesn't tell me that you ask her. 2148 01:32:25,813 --> 01:32:27,715 She's a girl. That's how it works. 2149 01:32:30,552 --> 01:32:32,085 Can I come in? 2150 01:32:32,087 --> 01:32:34,519 In here? 2151 01:32:34,521 --> 01:32:37,256 - This is my parents' house. - I know. 2152 01:32:37,258 --> 01:32:40,827 I thought that you didn't do parents. 2153 01:32:40,829 --> 01:32:42,828 - I'll do your parents. - Oh. 2154 01:32:42,830 --> 01:32:45,264 Wow. Nice. 2155 01:32:45,266 --> 01:32:48,667 Don't do my dad doggy-style. He's got very bad knees. 2156 01:32:48,669 --> 01:32:52,137 He's an old man now. 2157 01:32:54,342 --> 01:32:56,141 All right. 2158 01:32:56,143 --> 01:32:57,710 - Hey. - Yo. 2159 01:32:57,712 --> 01:32:59,845 I kind of wanna kiss you, 2160 01:32:59,847 --> 01:33:03,517 but maybe not so soon after saying I would do your parents. 2161 01:33:20,602 --> 01:33:23,603 Come have sex with my mother and my father. 2162 01:33:23,605 --> 01:33:25,505 I thought you were saying, "Come have sex." 2163 01:33:25,507 --> 01:33:27,340 With my mother and also my father. 2164 01:33:50,632 --> 01:33:51,863 She won't sleep. 2165 01:33:51,865 --> 01:33:53,933 - Can we try? - Are you sure? 2166 01:33:53,935 --> 01:33:55,701 Showtime. Let's do it. 2167 01:33:55,703 --> 01:33:57,737 Thank you. 2168 01:33:57,739 --> 01:34:00,372 - Hey, sweetie. - This is the best. 2169 01:34:00,374 --> 01:34:02,808 Come here, little sweetie. Come here. 2170 01:34:02,810 --> 01:34:04,377 Come here, sweetie. 2171 01:34:04,379 --> 01:34:06,679 Look who it is. Who are these guys? 2172 01:34:06,681 --> 01:34:08,648 Look at that. 2173 01:34:08,650 --> 01:34:10,750 Who are these guys here? 2174 01:34:10,752 --> 01:34:13,351 - Should we do it? - Yeah, do it. 2175 01:34:13,353 --> 01:34:17,256 ♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪ 2176 01:34:17,258 --> 01:34:20,525 ♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪ 2177 01:34:20,527 --> 01:34:24,262 ♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪ 2178 01:34:24,264 --> 01:34:28,701 ♪ And Santa's putting gifts Under Christmas trees ♪ 2179 01:34:28,703 --> 01:34:32,404 ♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪ 2180 01:34:32,406 --> 01:34:36,274 ♪ I'm chilling and cooling Just like a snowman ♪ 2181 01:34:36,276 --> 01:34:39,345 ♪ So open your eyes Lend us an ear ♪ 2182 01:34:39,347 --> 01:34:40,712 ♪ We want to say ♪ 2183 01:34:40,714 --> 01:34:45,052 ♪ Merry Christmas And Happy New Year ♪ 2184 01:34:46,887 --> 01:34:50,389 That's good. Wow. 2185 01:34:50,391 --> 01:34:52,558 The end. 2186 01:34:52,560 --> 01:34:54,693 How was that for a Christmas story? 2187 01:34:54,695 --> 01:34:56,695 That was nice! 2188 01:34:56,697 --> 01:34:57,930 That was some shit! 2189 01:34:57,932 --> 01:35:00,733 Shit happened! Things went down! 2190 01:35:00,735 --> 01:35:02,301 Lessons were learned. 2191 01:35:02,303 --> 01:35:04,737 Friends are important, but relationships evolve. 2192 01:35:04,739 --> 01:35:07,840 I'm so glad Ethan and Diana ended up together. 2193 01:35:07,842 --> 01:35:09,442 I hope he get her pregnant. 2194 01:35:09,444 --> 01:35:11,443 I'd like to give a special shout-out to my seed 2195 01:35:11,445 --> 01:35:14,313 for killing it again this Christmas. 2196 01:35:14,315 --> 01:35:16,015 Best I ever did it! 2197 01:35:16,017 --> 01:35:18,717 Shit, Pop. Thanks. 2198 01:35:18,719 --> 01:35:19,586 Thanks for noticing. 2199 01:35:19,588 --> 01:35:22,587 Right now, let the after-party begin! 2200 01:35:22,589 --> 01:35:23,788 DJ Kevy Kev! 2201 01:35:23,790 --> 01:35:26,658 Let's turn it up! 2202 01:35:26,660 --> 01:35:29,327 Turn it up, now! Holla!151969

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