Original subtitles

I'm not going to call him dad.

All right, fine.

Will you just please try to be nice to your stepdad?

You know, it's really annoying that

just because we got married to random people that I don't even know have to

in our home, really.

Aubrey, come on. Change is good.

Okay? And do me a favor, please be nice to your stepmom.

For me.

Hey.

Oh.

Rough drive.

Really? Yeah.

She's still in the car.

She certainly is.

Okay, is she going to get out of the car?

Time will tell, I suppose, yeah?

I'm sure when she meets Aubrey, I'm sure everything will be just fine.

We'll see.

Hey.

My name's Aubrey.

You, uh, you can call me Dragon.

I'm Gal. You can call me Nighthawk.

Cool. Cool.

Alright, this is it.

Welcome to my, uh, kingdom.

One roll.

Don't touch my drum set.

Cool. No, seriously. How you doing?

Do not touch my drum set.

No problem.

Did you touch my drum set?

No. I know you touched my drum set.

I will end you if you touch it again.

I didn't touch your drum set.

But now I'm going to rub my sweaty collar.

You better fucking rub it.

Pick the drywall.

And another thing.

You have eight weeks to find a job.

First of all, Dad.

How do you expect us to dry the wall? We didn't even get it wet. It's dry. It's

a dry wall.

Why are you treating us like kids?

You're acting like kids. Now go get dressed for dinner. Your brother Derek

coming. Oh, God.

Move your bodies.

Come on. Let's go. Come on. Be a little productive.

Let's go. Go.

Move. Go get cleaned up.

She's not. She's actually adopted. She's not mine.

I don't know about you.

No, mine's adopted, too.

Are you kidding me?

You can sell them.

So I told him, you're a congressman about to be indicted. You might not want

have a hearing aid.

Oh, Robert, you do have a way with telling stories.

Oh, thank you. You know, everybody loves that one, especially now.

Like right now.

Meanwhile, I heard you two lost your TV privileges.

When are you two cunts going to grow up, get some hair on your vaginas, and do

something with your wives?

Derek, be nice.

Who do you think you're talking to?

I think they're in that fucking jacket.

Cheap little jacket.

There's some hot shot.

Only people with tiny, tiny little prim dicks wear jacket hats.

Needle dick.

Little freak dick boy.

Teeny, teeny, tiny needle boy.

But that fake account won't make up for that.

No, definitely not.

Can everybody chill out and relax?

I'll have you know I made 500k last year.

What the fuck did you two do? You didn't do anything, just like always. You two

have just been mooching off everybody.

What are you going to do? What am I going to do? Yeah, what are you going to

Hit me. As a matter of fact, that is from Captain Athena.

God damn it, Aubrey!

What? What the fuck? Go to your room!

Are you serious? Yes, I'm serious. Go to your fucking room.

Jesus. This is fucking incredible.

Wow.

What are you doing?

I just want you to know that later I'm going to come so hard to the image of

attacking Derek.

You have such brave eyes.

Eyes of a lion.

I just want to bury myself in your mane.

I picture us growing old together.

With Derek, I'd never picture us growing old together.

But with you, I picture us growing old, and we could live in France.

Yeah, I just want to grow old with you, and we could live in France, and I could

eat that ketchup off your pussy.

Oh my gosh, and drink champagne out of your butthole, and it'd be so nice.

That does sound interesting.

Yeah, but here's the thing.

Okay. I'm not wearing any panties, and they haven't even gotten to dessert yet.

Oh, my God. I want you. I want you to eat this pussy. Okay.

Let's not.

Maybe.

He's such a loser. He's such a loser.

Oh, my God. It was so hot when you attacked him.

Oh,

my God. Oh,

it feels so good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Yeah. Oh, my God. It feels so good. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I can't move. I really know what you're doing.

Oh,

man.

It's kind of hot in other families out there. They're all eating dessert.

Damn, my nose is gone.

Going to Paris and France and France and France.

I'm only drinking champagne out of your bottle.

On our boats.

On our boats.

It's so hot.

I'm going to wait. Forget all about this. Forget all about this, people.

It's going to be sucks anyways. It's going to be sucks anyways.

Imagine being married to Derek. It's so terrible.

I must be.

Does he always talk about himself? Always, always.

He only thinks about himself, never about us, ever.

It tastes way better than dessert.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Why are they so fucking hard?

We didn't need that button.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

So nice.

Oh, thank you. Oh, thank

you.

Oh, my God. Pookie tastes so good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Do you want to try something that I keep in my purse that's like a

super weird thing to bring to family dinner?

I brought it because I always hoped someone would fucking hit Derek.

Yeah, sure.

I've never been fucked with one of these before.

You just keep that in your purse?

Yeah.

No. I've never used it, but I've always had it there.

I just always hoped it had a reason.

Hell.

It's never been a girl like you.

Yeah. Here, do you want to suck it first? Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh. Oh.

That's so hot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It disappeared.

Oh, my God.

That's so hot. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. That was so hot. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Oh, yes. I know. Make it disappear. That was so hot.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

my God. Oh,

it's so hot.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Fuck yeah. Hey, bend over.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck

yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, how sweet.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Yeah, no, they don't even notice.

Oh my god, you're so hot.

Can

you

do one thing for me?

Oh my god,

you wanna ride this dick dragon?

That's the best way to name a dragon. You have to ride this dick.

Oh, fuck yeah, dragon.

Oh, ride me. Fuck yes. Oh, my goodness.

Fuck yes. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my goodness.

You're so hot. Fuck yes. Oh, fuck yeah, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Dragon juice dripping on my pussy.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck yes, yes, yes.

Oh my God, it's so hot.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah. Oh my God, I've always wanted to be rubbed by a dragon. Oh yeah.

Fuck yes, yes, yes.

Oh my God. Fuck yes, yes, yes.

Oh my God. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh my God. Oh wow.

Oh God, the way you attacked the dragon was so hot.

Oh, fuck you. Yes, yes. Oh, fuck you.

Yeah, please. Oh, my gosh. I tell him every time he's here.

Yes. Oh, fuck. Yes.

Oh, fuck you.

Yes. Oh, fuck.

Oh,

my God.

Somebody fastened.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Use me. Use me however you want. Yeah.

You make it so good.

Yeah. Oh, you make it so easy. You make it so easy.

I like it.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I like it.

Oh, wow.

I'm going to roll over. Yes.

Like this.

Like this.

Like this.

Put your legs together.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God. This is so good.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, yeah.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Come on.

We'll fuck on our balcony and drink champagne out of each other's assholes.

And we're going to leave all of them behind.

Oh,

my God. You didn't have to learn anything.

You're so good.

That's amazing.

He's so balanced. He knows where he needs to do it.

Yeah.

Oh, Aubrey, you're something.

You're really something.

I just want to roll you up into a little ball and just shove you in my vagina.

You could live there. It's warm and it's cozy.

In your vagina? Yeah, I just want to walk around and every time I feel a

tickle or scratch, I know it's your hair inside of me.

Oh, no, please. Excuse me.

I hate my life, Aubrey.

I hate my life.

I hate my life.

Alice, hurry the fuck up. I gotta take a dump.

The interstate is gonna be backed up just as much as I am in about ten

Let's go!

Honey, I'm coming!

Aubrey, I love you.

Hi, Aubrey.

Do you wanna see something really cool?

If you'd be up in my room in five minutes, I'd be like, hey, bye!

The courageous act you showed against the one they call Derek.

Maybe, um, we could be friends.

Friends that ride translucent steeds like Vikings riding a cock over the

to Mordor.

I mean, I'd ride that penis through the mist of Avalon if that's what you're

asking. Cool.

Do you want to see something really cool that only three people have ever seen

in their lifetime?

Obviously. Okay, shut your eyes. Okay.

No fucking way. Oh yeah.

That is so rad.

In fact, I have something for you. Why don't you close your eyes? Okay.

Open them.

Are they the same size even?

I was walking around thinking my stepsister is a massive doucher.

You're not a doucher at all. No, neither are you.

You know what?

Let's play a game. Okay.

On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur.

Don't think about it. Just name it. Okay. Ready? Yeah. One. Two.

Three. Cogsaurus.

Favorite magazine to masturbate to.

ITE catalog 2014.

Celebrity you really want to fuck. Dr. Phil.

Oh my God.

Okay. Last one. Yeah.

Deepest, darkest secret.

On three? Yep.

One, two.

I'm adopted.

Did we just become best friends?

Yes. So far.

What kind of dreams are you having?

Don't forget, it's a job interview today. You need to look presentable, all

right? Do not be late.

Yeah. Repeat what I said.

Don't be late. Don't be late.

We're here to fuck shit up.

You certainly have a lot of jobs.

Yeah. So, you remember this lady?

It's Pam.

And in the future, I recommend that you know the name of the person who's

conducting your interview.

Okay. Sorry, Blam. What I'm all about is... It's Pam.

You think Nam, Blam?

It's Pam. And who is this sitting behind you?

Hiya, Miss Lady.

I'm Aubrey, Gallant's step -sister.

I'm just here for a little support.

Yep. We'll look, of course, you up.

Have a job option available.

There aren't any other opening positions.

Well, you know what? I could always help maybe moderate this whole pan -fan

situation. Nam. Nam.

I can't believe I'm actually about to say this, but we have two positions

available, actually.

And I'm getting a real kick out of these tuxedos here.

Yeah, you like them.

It shows us that you have a lot of energy.

A lot of energy.

Huge amounts of energy.

But you're also just a little short on experience.

What did you say your last name was again?

Grinch. Minj.

Your name is Clam Minj.

Clammy Minj. So how about we do this? We have questions for you. Turn things

around a little bit. Flip it on its head.

Yeah, I mean, sometimes that can be a very useful exercise.

Fuck it, fire away.

What school did you go to, if any?

Really just spell it out for us. Yeah, yeah.

Alliterate. Really announce it on a minute.

Where do you see yourself within the next hour?

She goes in.

In. Where do you see yourself in, within the next hour?

You know, what I'm... T.

T.

T.

T.

So, your mum.

Are we talking C -cup, D -cup, G -cup?

I don't know.

Circular mold.

Nam, minge. No.

Cram, flinch.

Binge. Is the thing binge?

I don't really see what that has to do with the doctor. Shaved or hairy?

How hairy are we talking?

Like full Brazilian or jungle time.

Clam flinge.

Please, get out of my office. We're done with this interview.

So, uh,

have you booked a couple of pictures?

No, no, I have not.

No, that's the direction.

Okay, next question.

How big is your dick? Yeah, 31.

I don't know if I feel comfortable answering this.

Well, how about if we show you our tips?

Yeah, really.

You show us your deck.

It's a bit better -y, better -y.

Hmm.

Fuck it, sure, why not, huh?

Yeah, okay.

I mean, a deal is a deal, huh?

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.

You look so fine.

It's so good.

pretty green eyes looking at you

Thank you.

I'm sorry if you can't listen, let's cut this out.

Oh my god,

this feels so fucking good.

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm

just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just

like,

Oh, Emma.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

You guys just let me in. Let me in. Let me in.

I think it's your time to be on the fucking deck.

When you take that talk so f***ing loud, you know what I'm gonna feel, it's like

it's going so fast.

Yes,

yes, yes.

Oh, I feel that.

Oh, my God.

I can't taste it.

Yes,

yes, yes.

I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Are we fucking?

Thank you so much for giving this to us.

Actually,

um, we don't have any job position open up right now.

I was just fucking around with you. I thought you guys were like clowns

in here with those tuxedos. I didn't think you'd be serious.

Joke's on you.

Actually, we went sick.

Yeah, we weren't actually applying. Who's the loser now?

Yeah, the clown who?

My dad's a boat. You won't go down cause my dick is broke. We sail around the

world, I go port to port. Every time I go, I produce a port.

Put on your life at one drop anchor.

There's a pretty lady and I like to spank her.

Boats and hoes. Boats and hoes. Gotta have me my boats and hoes. Boats and

Boats and hoes. Gotta have me my boats and hoes. Boats and hoes. Boats and

What do you think?

Okay, um... Um... Okay, what exactly

did I just watch?

Pretty sick, huh, Dad?

It's, uh, Boats and Hoes. The next viral sensation.

Yeah, we're pretty cool now. We even have our own hashtag.

Okay, no, no, no. I understand.

Kudos to you for doing something aggressive here.

But...

Where did you get the money for all of this? I mean, the mansion, the models,

the film crew, editing, studio time, the boats. Well, I mean, inflatable boats,

but nonetheless.

I mean, that must have cost a fortune.

Can I explain?

We just took it out of that account you have labeled for family emergency.

There was actually so much more in there than I thought.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What account?

The one for emergency savings.

For emergencies?

That's right. Yeah.

Are you trying to tell me

that you tapped into my retirement fund?

What the fuck is wrong with you two? Jesus Christ, you fucking spent my...

It was an inflatable voice. Like you said, inflatable. And think of it like

investment. Yeah. Once the spiral goes big.

Oh, my God.

That's it.

That's it. I can't take it anymore.

These two fucking idiots got to go.

Oh, my God. You want to know why?

You want to know why I'm so fucking stressed out lately?

Okay? I'm going to tell them. Okay? Look, family. I said we were waiting.

I've got to tell them.

Family, your mother and I are getting a divorce.

Wait, this is fantastic.

Boats and hoes, divorce edition.

I don't even need you. I don't need you.

My bags are all packed up.

I got my ticket in my hands.

I say my last goodbye.

So I'm headed off to another land.

Oh, no.

Gal, don't mess this up. It's a fucking Catalina wine mixer.

Oh, right.

just another day, but I'm going to wait.

Oh, and soon I'm going to say that I'm coming

home.

Hey.

What's up, Nancy?

Hey, Robert.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

You look good.

Thank you.

It's been a while.

You look pretty nice.

Hey.

Hey. That's your father.

That's mom.

That's mom.

That's dad.

He bites it really nice.

Look at you two.

Productive members of society now. I know. Are you both working?

In fact, Thank you for hiring me for this casting.

Wow, you're the best. I wouldn't want anyone else.

I go to your batch a lot.

I know the cooks need some help, but yeah, enjoy yourself, guys.

Yeah.

Get back to work?

Do you know, is it me, or does it seem like they put this whole thing,

you know, together to get us back together here?

I think it's way too much of a coincidence.

You know, I don't think there are any coincidences.

God, they're working so hard and they're getting along so well. They did all

this for us.

You know what?

Cheers.

Cheers.

Well, good to see you.

Good to see you, too. Okay.

Okay, where's the person having a heart attack? Well, we can totally explain

ourselves here. Yeah, take it away.

Oh, well, we know, you know, we haven't been in the bathroom recently.

We just know when you guys would grow apart.

Hon, look, it's...

It's exhausting.

It's not that simple. We've lost the connection.

You could always, like... Don't you miss Mom's perfect breasts? I don't think

that's really appropriate. Sure it is. I mean, listen.

It's not about starting from the beginning. It's about starting over.

I mean, Dad, come on.

Don't you miss...

Yeah, of course I do. I mean, it doesn't feel terrible. Yeah, he wouldn't miss

these. They're incredible.

But, I mean, come on.

This is silly.

No, I mean, it's all about time.

Yeah.

Don't you miss Dad's car?

Come on.

I know you guys miss each other.

He has a really pretty car. You guys have quite the passion. I mean, we did

share a wall.

You did?

you take this dress off. Okay.

Here,

let me get this off of you.

This is hard to get off. Nancy,

you've been working out. Well, I've been single.

Come on.

And then come here.

Here, look.

Dad, come sit down right here.

Oh, you missed me.

Dad, right here.

Aubrey. Dad, it's fine. No.

I'm trying to help you.

Does anybody care about what I feel? What is happening with you?

What I feel?

Get in here. Don't be shy.

Aubrey, what are you... What are you doing?

I'm just trying to help fix the mess we made. Yeah, we made such a big mess.

Do you like it?

Take it easy. You're going to make another mess.

oh don't stop huh

What the hell are you two doing? Jesus Christ.

Okay, now I've... Just like, well,

not really like old times, because... What? Jesus Christ, girls.

What's the big deal?

You guys clearly love and miss each other, so just enjoy. Go with the flow.

You don't worry about us. We're just, you know. It's fine.

I can't believe what we're doing.

Oh, no, no. Keep going, hon. Keep going. It's been quite a while.

Does that feel good?

Of course it does.

Stop looking over here. Stop looking over here. What's

going on over there?

Just enjoying the magic between you two.

You can tell you clearly love each other.

Well, you know what? We're one big happy family, so you come over here now.

Okay? Okay.

Because I have the mom. I want the daughter.

The young buck, eh?

Karen,

let me help you.

I'm so glad this is working out.

Oh, Stevie, you've always been so helpful.

Thank you. I do really like helping moms. Yeah, I...

I can tell.

You know I've always wanted one.

But I mean, this is... This is so long, Tom.

It is. But I do not tell Derek about this.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, exactly.

I can't even do this in his room.

You're really good at that.

Have you been practicing?

Wait, what are you doing?

Peek me.

She's pretty good.

Help me. here.

Let me get in there.

Okay.

Hold on a second.

Here you go. All right. Go ahead.

Come here. Okay. Okay.

Come here. There you go.

So supportive.

Here you go. You can be my little rainbow.

When I thought you were having all those wild dreams

You know what they say.

Family that fucks together, saves together.

Is that what they say?

I heard that somewhere, I think.

Oh, my God.

I never thought people worked this well. I know.

It was a family reunion. Oh, it was, yeah.

Hey, may I see you?

Do you mind if I, what, yell?

No, no.

I mean, of course I mean it.

I mean, I think it would be a really nice way for everyone to get back

Oh, handshake you got there. Of course I'm going to share it with her.

Of course.

Oh, family share.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh.

How does that feel to you? It feels so fucking good. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy.

Oh my God.

Yes,

please, please.

Look at us all getting along so well.

When did you

get

that tattoo?

Sorry, sorry, I know you don't like me speaking with my mouth full.

Oh, that's perfect.

They're really bonding, aren't they?

Oh my god, you are such a good baby girl.

Oh, fuck. Yes, Dad. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

yes. Oh, fuck. Yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

I won't tell you how, Dad, I promise.

I promise.

Who knew?

Nice and sisterly.

Look at her talk.

I know.

She likes dad's talk.

Well, I mean... Like motherly talk.

Showing that he's prepared for me being an only child.

Until now.

Well, we appreciate you sharing it. Thank you.

Oh my god, mom is so good.

No, like kind of mesmerizing.

Mesmerizing. Show her that trick that you go all the way down.

There you go.

You are the legend.

That's crazy.

It took us six weeks on our honeymoons to get that one out.

We went down the hatch.

Down the hatch.

like you do it but yeah i feel like mom oh

come on i know you can do better than

that we practice

Okay. Okay.

There you go. Just like that. Just like that.

Yeah.

Oh, that's good.

Oh,

just keep going. Just like that. Just like that. Just like that.

Oh, my God. That's good. Just like that.

My good mom looks like she's going to call.

Are you guys going to help me?

Oh,

God.

Right there, right there, right there.

you double woman.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We ain't through yet.

You get off. You get off.

I haven't seen you look like this in a while. That fire is back.

Wow, we really did it.

We have you girls to thank.

Help your mom out.

I can't

believe how good she is at that.

She must get it from you.

Apples don't fall far from the tree.

oh oh wow oh yes thank you dad thank

you

Yes, Aubrey. Oh, yes.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

yes.

This is truly a way of holding it.

Oh, honey.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I think Audrey got a mute on each of your people -pleasing videos.

Dude, I mean, seriously, we're a dog on her.

Of course.

I'll hold it for you. I know,

they're doing so good.

Girls, you, come on.

Don't make me stop you.

They are doing so good now.

We need to take a good vacation is what we need to do.

Yes, a family vacation.

Some place tropical.

Some place private, very secluded. Put your dad's cock inside your sister.

Here you go.

I feel so good. Yeah, I'll hold you.

There we go.

I feel so good.

Here,

I'll hold you up.

Is there anything Mom can do for you? Do you want me to hug at all?

No, it feels really good.

Thanks, Mom.

You know, I have to touch myself a little bit because I didn't think I'd

so long. Yeah.

I knew that once you guys seen each other and touched each other just a

bit, it would be like, you're so smart.

Can you tell me when?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, that looks... He's pulling out all the new moves.

This is an old move.

I saw it on the Chief's Feet movie.

I'm referencing it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

That's my girl. That's my girl.

You know how I like it, hon.

There you go.

So you can watch this for next time.

See that, sweetie?

Just like mom's doing.

Oh, that's it. Just like that. There you go.

There you go, come on.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, he's up, he's up, he's up. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to get in your eye.

It's okay, honey.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness, my good girl. Oh, there's some more. Look at that. Oh,

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

Nancy,

this could be only just one thing.

Catalina Wine Mixer.

That's right.

Catalina Wine Mixer. The fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.

Did we just become best friends again?

We're best friends.

Round two.