Original subtitles

[Locutor 6]: Thank you.

[Locutor 3]: Okay, everybody, that cake should be ready now. Why don't you sing a

[Locutor 3:]: song while I take it out of the oven? Stupendous!

[Locutor 1]: There's a cake in the oven, so sweet and delicious. Yummy cake in the

[Locutor 1:]: oven, we love to eat cake. Ow! I'm burning!

[Locutor 6]: Kids, help! This sucks!

[Locutor 6:]: Ow!

[Locutor 4]: Cool. Don't Bogart my log, dude.

[Locutor 3]: Well, why did you enlist if you didn't want your breasts fondled?

[Locutor 3:]: Yeah,

[Locutor 6]: really.

[Locutor 2]: Ahoy, weather fans! Captain Dick Jackman here at the News Center

[Locutor 2:]: weather console. My trusty radar tells me there's a line of tornadoes forming in the

[Locutor 2:]: Western County region. I'll have devastation footage at six, plus the

[Locutor 2:]: preschooler of the week.

[Locutor 4]: Whoa. We're there, dude. Yeah. Where? The trailer park, dumbass.

[Locutor 4:]: Oh, yeah. Tornadoes are cool. Yeah. Yes! Now we're getting somewhere. Now we're

[Locutor 4:]: getting somewhere. Even the old dude is cool. I like the

[Locutor 5]: tornado. Almost everything in this video

[Locutor 4]: is

[Locutor 6]: cool.

[Locutor 4]: What do you mean, almost? What else do you want? Um...

[Locutor 5]: Well, it'd be pretty cool, like, if somebody

[Locutor 4]: puked. Foe let it be done. Check it out, Beavis.

[Locutor 5]: That was disgusting.

[Locutor 4]: You asked for it,

[Locutor 5]: dude. Yeah, but I didn't ask for blood in it. That was beyond the limits

[Locutor 5:]: of good taste. Tornadoes

[Locutor 4]: are cool. They can drive matches through a two-by-four. Yeah. A

[Locutor 4:]: tornado could smash a poodle's face with a brick. Yeah. It could

[Locutor 5]: suck a man's heart out of his chest and show it to him before he dies.

[Locutor 4]: Yeah. It could, like, pick up a phone booth and move it five miles away

[Locutor 4:]: and then put it back without scratching it. Big Beavis. Check out that trailer.

[Locutor 1]: Hi, I'm Lolita, and this is Tank Ray. Since we're all about to die, we

[Locutor 1:]: were wondering if you guys would be our last boyfriends on

[Locutor 1:]: Earth.

[Locutor 4]: Uh, okay.

[Locutor 1]: Great. Let's go inside, dude.

[Locutor 3]: Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

[Locutor 4]: I'm getting a wood roll. Yeah. Hey, baby.

[Locutor 4:]: Wanna... It sucked. We

[Locutor 3]: were

[Locutor 3:]: gonna

[Locutor 3]: do it. You mean I was gonna do it. Hey, you were just gonna spank your

[Locutor 3:]: monkey. You wish, dill weed. Ah!

[Locutor 4]: Wait a minute. What's this? This sucks.

[Locutor 5]: Yeah, it sucks. Who's

[Locutor 4]: this?

[Locutor 5]: Yeah, yeah.

[Locutor 4]: What's this butt munch doing on the stage? You got a backstage pass,

[Locutor 4:]: sir? Yeah,

[Locutor 6]: yeah.

[Locutor 4]: yeah

[Locutor 4:]: yeah yeah yeah

[Locutor 4]: Well, he is saying balls. And normally, that would be pretty cool.

[Locutor 5]: Yeah, but under these circumstances, it sucks.

[Locutor 4]: Yeah. Usually, demolition and destruction is pretty cool, too. But I

[Locutor 4:]: don't

[Locutor 1]: know. It's

[Locutor 4]: like, here, it just, like, it falls flat. Yeah, yeah.

[Locutor 5]: I think even if they had some fire in

[Locutor 4]: this video, it would still suck.

[Locutor 4:]: And

[Locutor 4]: tear yourselves to pieces Check it out. It's Crocus coming to kick

[Locutor 4:]: their ass. Yeah, yeah. It's the night of the living bands that

[Locutor 6]: suck.

[Locutor 3]: Hey, butthead, do you think those two chicks are alive?

[Locutor 4]: Of course not, ass munch. They would have tried to find us by now.

[Locutor 4:]: Yeah.

[Locutor 1]: Hi, I'm Lolita, and this is Tanqueray. A couple of skis may be trying

[Locutor 1:]: to follow us. Can we stay with you guys for a while?

[Locutor 4]: Whoa. She's one of those grubby girls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why don't

[Locutor 4:]: they show that? Yeah.

[Locutor 5]: She said she just had sex.

[Locutor 4]: It wasn't with any of those guys. If this video had some explosions,

[Locutor 4:]: it would be the coolest video ever. Yeah. And, like, if the music was cool, too. Oh,

[Locutor 4:]: yeah. And they'd have to have some, like, better singing. Yeah. And not those guys.

[Locutor 4:]: Yeah. Then it would rule.

[Locutor 5]: Check it out, bud. It's Mallory. It's that chick from Family

[Locutor 5:]: Tide. Yeah.

[Locutor 4]: This is really noisy. Yeah.

[Locutor 6]: Noisy. Cool.

[Locutor 4]: This chick is weird.

[Locutor 5]: This chick's mouth is

[Locutor 4]: crooked. I wonder why. Why is it crooked? I don't know. The name of the

[Locutor 4:]: song is 50-Foot Queenie. I'd like a 50-foot queenie.

[Locutor 4:]: I'd like a 50-foot weenie. Yeah, yeah. That would be cool, too.