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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235
.
2
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:02,170
[upbeat rock music]
3
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,539
- So, Mike and Martina,
4
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,975
let's talk about why you're
seeking therapy today.
5
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,677
- She made me.
6
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,747
What are you writing?
- Mike.
7
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,015
He's just taking notes.
8
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,487
- [chuckles]
He's writing about you now.
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,289
- You don't know that.
10
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,856
Are you?
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,425
- Let's get back
to why you're here.
12
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,659
- Yes.
13
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,162
We're here about
a dilemma Mike's facing.
14
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,265
It all began when I was
counseling a mother and daughter
15
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:34,968
who were having some problems
since they moved in together.
16
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,404
- [British accent]
I just can't control her.
17
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,272
Coming in at all hours,
18
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,574
drinking, loud music,
19
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,610
an endless parade of men.
20
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:49,049
- I'm just having
a little fun.
21
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,052
- Well, adult parents and
children living together again
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,054
does present
a lot of challenges.
23
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,923
- It certainly does.
24
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,226
- That stupid accent!
25
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,028
- It's not a choice.
26
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,364
You married a British man
and raised me in London.
27
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,734
- [imitating a British accent]
Raised me in London.
28
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,002
Who talks like that?
29
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,705
- Everyone in London!
30
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,041
- Can you even understand her?
31
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- Mom, major emergency.
32
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,312
- Stella!
33
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,713
I'm in session.
34
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,316
You know I've said not to come
in when the door is closed.
35
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,584
- Yeah, but you also said
36
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,286
you're sad you don't
have enough patients,
37
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:29,257
so sometimes you just come
in here to cry, so...
38
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,059
- Stella, whatever it is,
we'll deal with it later.
39
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,328
Oh, sorry about that.
40
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,164
Now, let's get back--
41
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,665
- Martina!
42
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:41,001
I don't feel so good.
43
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,536
Whoa, whoa.
44
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,038
Yes, I was a little
under the weather,
45
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:47,341
but that is not
how it happened.
46
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,845
- Mike, what are you doing
out of bed?
47
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,981
You're deathly ill.
48
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,416
- Yes, I am,
49
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,552
but that wood isn't
gonna chop itself.
50
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,821
- That is not how it went.
51
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,791
Although I would like you
to chop that wood.
52
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,560
- It's a lot of work.
53
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,762
Martina!
54
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,063
- That's my husband.
55
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,599
He's not feeling well,
56
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,234
and you know how men get.
57
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,635
- She doesn't.
58
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,103
- Ugh.
59
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,238
This again.
60
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,006
- She's a virgin.
61
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,376
- I am not a virgin.
62
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,944
- It can lapse!
63
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,914
Like a driver's license.
64
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,816
- That's ridiculous.
65
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,519
I was married up
until ten years ago.
66
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,355
I will admit
it has been a while.
67
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,791
- There are cobwebs down there.
68
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,463
- Stop pushing me, Mother.
69
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,498
I'll go out again
when I'm ready.
70
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,133
Look, we really don't mind
71
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,735
if you need to tend
to your family.
72
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,870
Your daughter did say
it was an emergency.
73
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:53,241
- Well, thank you.
74
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:56,143
I'm sure it's nothing,
but I will be right back.
75
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,148
- It must be nice to have
a daughter who needs you
76
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,116
and wants your advice.
77
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,786
- You don't give me advice,
just insults.
78
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,521
- I don't insult you.
79
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,922
- Just this morning
you asked me
80
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:12,793
which mortician died
and left me his clothes.
81
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:16,630
- A genuine question.
82
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,633
- All right,
what's the big emergency?
83
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,335
- This is tough, Mom.
84
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,271
Have you ever heard
of Lou Gehrig's disease?
85
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,673
- Yes.
Oh, my God, Stella.
86
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:29,577
- Well, there's a play about it,
and I have an audition.
87
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,745
But I told them I could do
accents, and I can't.
88
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,314
- Mom, help.
89
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,748
It's the first day
of my internship,
90
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:35,883
and I'm freaking out.
91
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,017
Which outfit says,
92
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,118
"Take my seriously, damn it,
93
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:40,288
but I'm a little fun."
94
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,323
- The left one.
95
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,359
Oh, and you, google "accents"
and do what they say,
96
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:48,161
then google "real problems"
and pay attention.
97
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:55,569
Oh, I am so sorry
for that interruption.
98
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,870
Where's your mother?
99
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,939
- She went to help your husband.
100
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,508
- What?
101
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,980
- Is this helping you?
102
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,649
- I'm not sure.
103
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:12,353
- It's sure helping me.
104
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,122
- Sandy, what
are you doing in here?
105
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:19,327
- She showed up and started
rubbing VapoRub on my chest.
106
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,429
And...
107
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,598
I just went with it.
108
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,800
- This is wrong.
You can't be here.
109
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,602
I'm your therapist.
110
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,137
- Oh, not anymore.
111
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,873
This poor man needs me.
112
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,575
- That's my job.
113
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,977
I think I can take care
of my husband.
114
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,179
- So why aren't
you feeding him?
115
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,648
Feed a cold;
116
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,082
starve a fever.
117
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,784
- I could eat.
118
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,388
- How do chocolate chip
pancakes sound?
119
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:50,524
- Could you make the chocolate
chips into a smiley face?
120
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,060
- With a whipped cream beard.
121
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,428
- That sounds good.
122
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,930
Can we keep her?
123
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,933
[upbeat music]
124
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*
125
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,213
- Excuse me.
126
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,382
When I was in here before,
127
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,950
I noticed you do
a great British accent.
128
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,185
- It's just how I talk.
129
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,553
- Okay, you don't have
130
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,590
to brag about
how easy it is for you.
131
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,692
Anyway, I have
a play audition tomorrow,
132
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,394
so I could I follow
you around tonight
133
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,828
and learn how to talk like you?
134
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,297
I mean, you don't have, like,
a date or anything, do you?
135
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,298
- No.
136
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,299
[chuckles]
137
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,300
No dates for me.
138
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,468
- [chuckles]
139
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,571
It's kind of your own fault.
140
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,907
You're like the girl
in a teen move who's ugly
141
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,776
until she takes her glasses off,
and then she's hot.
142
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,880
Huh...
143
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,950
That must just be
in the movies.
144
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,885
Anyway, I can help, okay?
145
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,421
You teach me to talk
like a Brit,
146
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,255
and I will make you over.
147
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,825
- I must say I'm intrigued.
148
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:02,430
- [in a Cockney accent]
I must say I'm intrigued!
149
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,665
- We've got a lot of work
to do.
150
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,066
- Oh, don't
put yourself down.
151
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,569
You're not
that unattractive.
152
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:12,640
*
153
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,509
- Oh, these pancakes
are so good.
154
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,744
[moans]
155
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,147
- Even sick,
you're an attractive man.
156
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,784
- What the hell's
going on, son?
157
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,785
- Son?
158
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,120
So that's where you get it.
159
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,591
- You need to get out of bed
so we can go watch the game.
160
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,893
- I got a cold.
- Typical.
161
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,261
I don't get colds.
162
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,329
I felt one coming on once,
but I told it to screw,
163
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,665
and that was the end of it.
164
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,266
- I could listen to you
165
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:43,336
telling things
to screw all night.
166
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,305
- Who is this?
167
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,707
- Dad, this is Sandy.
168
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,910
She's a little tiny angel,
and I'm keeping her.
169
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,745
Go watch the game with Alice.
170
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,247
- Alice is at Bible study again,
171
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,684
and apparently
I'm not allowed to join.
172
00:06:56,684 --> 00:07:00,087
- I didn't want my husband
to go to my Bible study either.
173
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,221
- Why not?
174
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,156
- Because I wasn't there.
175
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:06,293
I was having an affair.
176
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,829
- Well, Alice is not
having an affair.
177
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,498
She's studying the good book.
178
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,299
When she comes home
from Bible study,
179
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,201
she's full of the Spirit.
180
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:17,037
Flushed and satisfied.
181
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,506
Happy...
182
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,508
tired...
183
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,243
Good God,
I have to investigate.
184
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:26,614
- I have an idea
how you can get back at her!
185
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:34,688
.
186
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:39,960
- Hi, I'm Shea Moore,
the new intern.
187
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,998
- I'm Nate Johnson,
the other new intern.
188
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,834
- Nice to meet you.
189
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,836
- Whoa...
[laughs]
190
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,238
what are we gonna do
about this?
191
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,706
- What "this"?
192
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,342
- The obvious
sexual tension between us.
193
00:07:55,342 --> 00:08:00,548
- [giggling] Well, I don't see
how it could be obvious.
194
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,315
- Nice try.
Your breath is shallow.
195
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,984
The capillaries
in your cheeks are reddening,
196
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,086
and your pupils are dilating.
197
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,988
Yeah, I'm also an MD.
I was a triple major.
198
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,422
- They told me
I couldn't do that!
199
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,724
- Yeah.
[laughs]
200
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,693
They told me I couldn't
park my motorcycle in my room.
201
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,828
Did I listen to them?
I don't know.
202
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,429
Ask the grease stains
on my carpet.
203
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,098
[machine beeps]
204
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,367
- A bad boy.
205
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,235
- Look, let's just
reduce this equation
206
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,605
down to the lowest terms.
207
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,206
Honestly,
every cell in my being
208
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,908
is just screaming
to make love to you.
209
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,209
- They are?
210
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,578
- I'm not gonna let that happen.
211
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,012
- What?
212
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,582
- No, this internship's too
important to the both of us.
213
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,816
We're astrophysicists.
214
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:39,152
We're not gonna
let our biology screw this up.
215
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,689
Yeah, I'm funny too.
You're doomed.
216
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:46,159
*
217
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,362
- Oh, my God!
You're still here.
218
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,599
Why are you still here?
219
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,001
- Good genes, I guess.
220
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,371
- She's making me pie.
Don't be mad, Martina.
221
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,040
She's just taking care
of me.
222
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,775
- I take care of you.
223
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:05,378
- Yeah, but then I have
to take care of you back.
224
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,714
- Hello, all.
225
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,650
- Sweetheart, how was your
first day at the new job?
226
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,718
- It was great,
227
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,486
except there's a fellow
intern who is...
228
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,289
well, I don't know
how to put this.
229
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,291
- You want to have sex with him.
230
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,094
- Sandy!
231
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,129
- No, she's right.
232
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,967
- Honey, workplace romances
can be really risky.
233
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,236
- What if
he's the love of her life?
234
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,437
- She's 23.
235
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,806
How can this guy possibly
be the love of her life?
236
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,675
- We got married at 23.
237
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,209
- We had to.
238
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:40,147
- I met the love
of my life at 23...
239
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,984
and 47...
240
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:47,688
and 65...
241
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,824
- I'm just saying be smart.
242
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:53,694
- And I'm just saying
there are other variables.
243
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:57,397
- Mom, as always,
your advice is spot-on,
244
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,466
but this lady's advice
is a little bit better
245
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,301
and seems like it might
get me laid.
246
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,372
And I am, sadly, only human.
247
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,373
[bell dings]
248
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,875
- Oh, who wants pie?
249
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,477
- I do.
- Pie? There's pie?
250
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,445
- Okay, Sandy,
251
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,580
time to go home.
252
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,149
Do you need a lift?
Should I call an Uber?
253
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,818
A horse-and-buggy?
254
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,889
- I'm not going anywhere.
255
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:22,890
- What?
256
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,425
- Your family needs me.
257
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,194
I'm filling a vacuum.
258
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,229
By the way, I vacuumed.
259
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,001
- I mean,
obviously, as a therapist,
260
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,168
I could see that she was
261
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,970
projecting
her relationship issues
262
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,571
with her daughter onto us.
263
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,273
- Oh, stop showing off.
264
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,544
- And since I couldn't
reason with Sandy,
265
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:47,014
I decided to talk
to her daughter Gwen
266
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,416
who had spent
the day with Stella.
267
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:53,420
- [in a Cockney accent]
'Ello, Mum, fancy a pint?
268
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:56,589
It's me, Stella.
269
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,260
[in a Cockney accent]
Do I make you 'orny?
270
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,494
- I'm your mother.
271
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,430
- I'm practicing
my new accent.
272
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,032
Gwen and I watched
some British films
273
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,233
about that Austin Powers guy.
274
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,235
- Well, where is Gwen?
I need to talk to her.
275
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,502
- She's in the loo.
276
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,438
That's British for toilet!
277
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:15,142
They have a word
for everything over there.
278
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,144
- Hello, Martina.
279
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:20,213
- Wow, you look amazing!
280
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,749
- I feel like
a whole new woman!
281
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,084
Between Stella's makeover
and not having my mum around,
282
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,853
I've never been happier.
283
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:26,987
- That being said,
284
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,156
wouldn't you like to
have your mom around?
285
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,290
- God, no.
286
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,293
- But she's driving me crazy.
287
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:37,497
- What I'm hearing
sounds like a you problem.
288
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,967
You know, it's amazing
what not being insulted
289
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,402
24 hours a day
does to your self-esteem.
290
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,838
- Gwen,
as a professional therapist,
291
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,374
let me just say
this is no fair!
292
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,641
[phone chimes]
293
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,577
- Whoa, warehouse party.
294
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,847
It's starting right now,
and the Snapchats are dope.
295
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,048
- Whatever that is,
296
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,851
it sounds like
exactly what I need.
297
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,020
- Oh, behave!
298
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,355
That means
we're not gonna behave.
299
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,591
- Well, after the party,
how about you come by
300
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,026
and pick up your mother?
301
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,995
If you agree,
walk out the door
302
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:11,098
without saying anything!
303
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,934
- Oh, looks like it's time
for me to go to Bible study.
304
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,535
- Again?
305
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,104
You just went last night.
306
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,572
- Oh, it's a long book, Bob.
307
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,212
- So what have
you been studying?
308
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,880
- Obadiah 1:9.
309
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,348
- Oh, come on.
You made that up.
310
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,884
There's no such thing
as Obadiah 1:9.
311
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:31,985
- Yes, there is.
312
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,887
We read that passage
at our wedding.
313
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:37,057
- Oh, yeah.
314
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,026
Greatest day of my life.
315
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,861
Alice.
- Hmm?
316
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:44,164
Whatever you do,
never forget I'm an ex-cop.
317
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,699
I'm trained to see things
other men don't see.
318
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,936
I notice things other
men don't notice.
319
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,839
I hear things
other men don't hear.
320
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,307
Nothing gets by me,
my love.
321
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,044
Nothing.
322
00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,347
- Oh...your wedding vow!
323
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,218
But really, I got to go!
324
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,488
*
325
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,491
- So I say we evaluate
our potential relationship
326
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,961
as if it were any other
scientific dilemma.
327
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,863
- God, you're perfect.
328
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,031
- I'm glad you think so.
I'll factor that in.
329
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,770
Well, there it is.
330
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,773
49% we should act
on our attraction,
331
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,242
51% we shouldn't.
332
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,878
- Did we factor in
my new leather jacket?
333
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,412
- Yes, right here.
334
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,715
I was hoping
it would change things too.
335
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:42,522
- See you tomorrow,
platonic co-worker.
336
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,723
- Please don't look back.
337
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,659
Please don't look back.
338
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,929
Damn it.
339
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:52,365
Good-bye, bad boy.
340
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,001
- [sighs]
341
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,735
Wasn't this a good idea?
342
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:56,803
- Absolutely.
343
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,538
Close to the kitchen,
bigger TV.
344
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,473
I'm feeling much better.
345
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,809
- It's nice to be needed.
346
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,644
Let's drink our tea.
347
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,517
- That's whiskey.
348
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,585
- Is it?
349
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,456
- You know, my mother used to
spoil me like this
350
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,959
when I was sick.
Drove my dad nuts.
351
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,693
She was a bit of
a free spirit.
352
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,562
One time she pulled me
out of school
353
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:26,133
because it was too nice
a day to stay inside.
354
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,035
- Where's your mother now?
355
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,803
- I don't know.
She left when I was a kid.
356
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,839
She was more into
causes and movements
357
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,407
than marriage
and motherhood.
358
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,644
She's reached out
a few times, but...
359
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,679
I didn't want it.
360
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,749
- What kind of a mother
leaves her little boy?
361
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,251
- Exactly.
362
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,289
I feel a little tired.
363
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,368
- What the [bleep]!
364
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:11,144
.
365
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,013
- What the hell's
going on here?
366
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,984
- What? What happened?
367
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:20,287
- The bad lady woke you up.
368
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,288
- That's it, Sandy.
369
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,856
I cannot take this
for one second longer.
370
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,559
Get out of my house!
Nobody wants you here!
371
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,828
- I need to talk to Sandy.
372
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,697
- Sandy,
I need to talk to you.
373
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:31,698
- No, me first.
374
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,133
Nate and I ran
all the variables,
375
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,467
and it said we
shouldn't be together,
376
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,668
and now I'm miserable.
377
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,669
- That's nothing.
378
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,837
Sandy,
I went to the church,
379
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,906
and Alice isn't
at Bible study at all!
380
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,308
- You know what?
That's it, guys.
381
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,275
Stop.
382
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,810
She's mine.
383
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,115
- There's the adulteress.
384
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,017
Shame.
385
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,651
- What?
386
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,553
- The wife is black?
387
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,823
Oh, I didn't picture that.
388
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,491
- What did you picture?
389
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,027
- Me.
390
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,530
- 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
391
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,165
- I've got to talk to
my mother.
392
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,767
- Those are my suitcases.
- They are!
393
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,204
I've discovered a new me,
and she's better without you.
394
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,672
I always thought
I'd put you in a home.
395
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,542
Turns out, it's this one.
396
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,544
- Fine.
I'll live here forever.
397
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,778
- That's enough.
398
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,581
I am gonna take care
of all of this right now.
399
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,084
First, Shea, gun to your head,
400
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,053
what's the most important
thing to you right now?
401
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,888
- Getting the gun away
from my head.
402
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,723
- No, don't think, just react.
403
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:31,891
Your career or this boy?
404
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:32,892
- My career.
405
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,394
- There's your answer.
406
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,528
- Bob.
- [grunts]
407
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,864
- Stop projecting
your fears on to Alice
408
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,799
and just ask her
where she's been going.
409
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,969
- All right, Jezebel...
410
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,804
where have you been going?
411
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,107
- Fine, I'll confess.
412
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,541
I've been going bowling.
413
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,742
- Bowling!
414
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,111
- Yeah, I didn't want
to tell you
415
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,480
because the team doesn't
want you back this year.
416
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,416
You yell at everybody.
You made Denise cry.
417
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,085
- Well,
she's a terrible player.
418
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:01,821
- She's in a wheelchair.
419
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,758
- I thought they liked
to be treated the same!
420
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:10,130
- Okay, bottom line is
Alice is not having an affair.
421
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,165
- Good to know.
Well, enjoy my mother.
422
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,933
- No, no, no!
Wait.
423
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,103
You say you're "a new me"?
424
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,437
But isn't that
what your mother's
425
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,106
been telling you
all along?
426
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,407
That you need
to fix yourself up
427
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,109
and get yourself
out there again?
428
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,312
- I suppose.
429
00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:29,416
- And Sandy, what do
you think of this new Gwen?
430
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,418
- You look like...
- What?
431
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,885
A poorly dressed mannequin?
432
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,322
An ad for
a depressing dating website
433
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,723
for the elderly divorced?
434
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,691
A hooker from Cleveland?
435
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:42,162
Just say it!
436
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,131
- You look beautiful
437
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,266
and happy.
438
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,136
- Well, thank you.
439
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,438
- You see? It's simple.
440
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:56,143
Sandy, Gwen wants to feel
supported and loved.
441
00:17:56,143 --> 00:18:00,613
And Gwen,
your mom wants to feel needed.
442
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,049
- I do need you.
443
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,152
- And I love you.
444
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,790
[phone chimes]
445
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:11,991
- Oh, my God.
446
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,260
Emergency, you guys.
447
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,594
They've changed the part.
448
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,563
It's a southern accent now.
449
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,167
- Stella,
we really need to discuss
450
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,734
the meaning
of the word "emergency."
451
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,570
- [in a southern accent]
Stella, we really need
452
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,939
to discuss the meaning
of the word emergency.
453
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,175
- [in a southern accent]
What?
454
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,309
That's not how I sound!
455
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,310
- [imitating her]
What?
456
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,412
That's not how I sound!
457
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,547
- She has you nailed.
458
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:35,882
- Let's go home.
459
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:39,319
- Or we could go back
to that warehouse party.
460
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,687
Lot of men there.
461
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,054
- Anyone my age?
462
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,055
- No.
463
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:48,295
.
464
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:48,695
*
465
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,699
- How you feeling?
466
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:53,700
- Physically, better,
467
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,003
but I miss Sandy being here.
468
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,239
It's nice having one of those
older ladies in the house
469
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,274
who takes care of you.
470
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:04,711
- A mother?
471
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,247
- Yeah, one of those.
472
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,316
- Well, do you think maybe
what you're really missing
473
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,650
is your own mother?
474
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,219
- Maybe.
475
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,120
- You could get
in touch with her.
476
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,389
- I'm still angry.
477
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,792
- You can be angry
at someone and still miss them.
478
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,394
- Like Mel Gibson.
479
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:29,236
I'm angry at him,
but I kind of miss his movies.
480
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,538
He would have
been great in "Taken."
481
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,273
You know what
Liam Neeson's taken?
482
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,007
Mel Gibson's parts.
483
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,348
- Do you think
maybe you're deflecting...
484
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,016
to avoid talking
about something painful?
485
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:48,488
- Martina, I really don't
want to be therap-ized by you.
486
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,157
- So that's what
brought us to you,
487
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,825
to discuss whether or not Mike
488
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,361
should get in touch
with his mother.
489
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,428
- I see.
490
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,163
Mike, what we need to do now
491
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,565
is explore all the difficult
492
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,567
and contradictory feelings
that come into play
493
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,370
when making such a potentially
life-changing decision.
494
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,506
- Yeah, I don't want
to do all that.
495
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,276
I'll just call her.
496
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:12,144
*
497
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,145
[voicemail beeps]
498
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,615
Hey, Mom, it's Mike.
499
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:18,718
Your son.
500
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,453
It's, uh...
501
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,155
been a long time.
502
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,757
Maybe too long a time.
503
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:28,295
So if you get this,
please give me a call.
504
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,000
Martina, I know
you're listening at the door.
505
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,001
- Not listening.
506
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,236
Just here in case you need me.
507
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,339
- Well, what I said was--
508
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:42,575
- I heard the whole thing.
509
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,344
- Look, I don't know
if it was the right number
510
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,145
or if I'll ever hear from her,
511
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:49,248
but I am glad that I did it,
so thanks.
512
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,485
You take good care of us.
513
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,154
*
514
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,823
- Well, Nate Johnson,
I look forward
515
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,025
to our professional
relationship together.
516
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,627
- So do I, Shea Moore.
517
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,937
- It seems there's one variable
we neglected to consider,
518
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:14,474
which is that...
that was awesome.
519
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:17,344
We should consider it again.
520
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:20,447
*
35497
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