All language subtitles for Crowded S01E05 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

.

[upbeat music]

- Shea, what does this say?
Alice sent me a text.

It's just tiny cartoons.

- Those are emojis.

- Emojis?

God, I hate
new things.

- Heart, bed,
female cop.

- Oh, that must mean
Alice is coming home in uniform.

When grandma
is in her prison guard outfit

I find her
particularly enticing.

- You know, Dad, I was going
to try to eat this, so...

if you would just please
never, never say that again.

- Hello.
- Hello, officer.

I'm a bad boy, bad boy.
Whatcha gonna do?

- So I'll just go
on a diet.

- Oh, Mike,
I wanted to tell you

we got an inmate
request today.

A prisoner wants
to meet with you.

Kyle Sullivan.

- Kyle Sullivan?
Kyle Sullivan's in prison?

That is fantastic.
I hope he fries.

- Who is Kyle Sullivan?

- He was your dad's
fifth grade bully.

- You had a bully,
Dad?

You're like a giant.

- I was small back then,

and Kyle was responsible
for the most humiliating

moment of my life.

He super glued me
to my chair,

and I had to climb
out of my pants

in front of the whole class.

- He was standing there
crying

in his little
Superman underpants.

- I skipped over certain
details for a reason.

- You should have seen Mike
back then.

Short, scrawny,
glasses,

an all-you-can-eat buffet
for bullies.

- Well, it didn't help that you
cut my hair with a bowl.

- Well, I wasn't gonna pay
five bucks for a haircut.

I'd already paid five bucks
for the bowl.

- I want to see pictures.

- Well, they don't exist.
I got rid of them all.

- Oh, so we can get rid
of all the pictures of me

with glasses,
braces, and zits.

- No.
Those are adorable.

- You were such
a sweet little mess.

- It's so weird:
we're sisters,

but I never needed glasses,
braces, or had zits.

- What a fun point.

Weren't you a huge bully,
Stella?

- I wasn't a bully.

I just mocked people for their
appearance or being different.

And you know,
some of those kids

lost the weight, so...

But if dad's still
upset about his bully,

then maybe some of the kids
from my class are too.

- You could track them down
and make amends.

- Yeah, I suppose
I could.

There was this one kid
I should really say sorry to.

His name was Elliot,
but I called him "Smelliot."

And they say hot girls
aren't funny.

- You know, Mike, maybe
that's why Kyle contacted you.

To apologize.

It could be good
to finally bring some closure

to a time in your life
that obviously still haunts you.

- Bad idea, Mike.
Let the past stay in the past.

Don't go to see Kyle.
Trust me on this one.

- Well, I'm gonna go
see him.

I've been dreaming about
this moment for over 30 years.

Being big and successful
and married,

and looking him in the eye
and saying,

"Ha ha, I won!"

Martina,
I want you to come with me.

- Oh, that's
a great idea,

'cause you know,
as a therapist,

I've helped lots
of my patients

confront the people
who hurt them.

- Yeah, sounds good.
Just wear something super hot.

[upbeat music]

- I'm still not sure
about this outfit, Mike.

I mean, I know you want
to show me off,

and how taut my body is
even after two kids,

and how Pilates has kept me--

- Let's bring him back in here,
Martina.

You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- Oh, I'm so nervous
all of a sudden.

I'm a grown man.

- It's perfectly normal.

When you confront someone
who hurt you as a child,

it's not unusual to feel
like that child again.

- Oh, my God.
There he is.

- That mountain
with a beard?

- No, the guy
behind him.

[upbeat music]

*

- Oh, my God.
That's Kyle?

- Well...

Kyle was that size
in fifth grade

plus anybody's gonna look small
next to Amish Hulk Hogan.

- Thanks for the escort,
Marcus.

Later I want to do
some lifting in the yard,

nothing too heavy;
I'm going for tone, not bulk.

- You think I'm
too bulky?

- No, no, no.
On you it works.

Here you go.

- No, I don't smoke.

- You should.
It makes you look cool.

Hey, Mikey.
You got rid of the bowl cut.

Good move.

Aren't you going to introduce me
to your daughter here?

- Oh. [laughs]
I'm not his--

- Just calm down,
Martina.

This is my wife.

- Enchanté, Martina.

Call me Neil Young,

'cause I wanna live
with a cinnamon girl.

- I also have a big house,
a great job;

I got two
beautiful daughters.

So, in conclusion,
ha ha, I win.

Kiss me, Martina.

Kiss me in front of him.

And I assume that you asked me
here so you could apologize.

Before you do,
I would also like to mention

that I fly a helicopter.

I defy gravity
like a god.

- That's incredible.

And...
apologize for what, buddy?

- "Buddy?"

Oh, no, we--
we weren't buddies.

You--you made my life
miserable,

and I'm not even talking
about the little things,

like playing keep away
with my hat...

- A little game...

- Putting that "kick me" sign
on my back...

- Classic fun...

- Calling me "tiny."

- True then,
ironic now.

- Well, all that was nothing
compared to...

the incident.

- Ooh, ominous.

What incident?

- He's talking about that time
you glued him to his chair.

- No, I never did that.

I swear.

I called you down here
because I need your help.

I'm in here
for possession,

but those drugs
were planted.

- Another thing you say
you didn't do.

It seems to be a theme
in your life.

- There's security footage
that proves I'm innocent.

I remembered your dad
was a cop.

I thought maybe
he could help get it.

- Why didn't your lawyer get
the footage and use it in court?

- I got a public defender.

She game me five minutes
and told me to plead out.

You know,
they're overworked,

underpaid and not nearly as hot
as they are on TV.

- Kyle,
it's time for lunch.

Fish sticks.

- Oh!
My favorite.

Listen, Mike, I got
no one else to turn to.

Please? Talk to your dad?

Hey, I never asked.
What are you in here for?

- Triple homicide.

- Ah, people make mistakes.

.

- Wow, Elliot. I don't
remember you being so funny.

- That's because you're
usually making me cry.

- Oh, look at us
with this banter.

I'll go get us
some more wine.

- So how's it going?

- You're not going
to believe this,

I'm kind of attracted to him.

I mean, he's nice,

he's smart,
he's funny.

I can't believe
I'm crushing on a nerd.

- I think Elliot is cute.

- Really?

I don't get
these skinny guys.

I need a big guy I can pretend
is a firefighter.

Or a longshoreman.

Or Seattle Seahawks
Defensive End Michael Bennett.

Mm, mm, mm, mm-mm.

I don't care what
Coach Carroll says.

Michael, I'm gonna need you
to crash that gap.

So, Elliot.
I, Stella, being of sound mind,

hot body, and only, like,
two drinks,

would like to go
on a second date with you.

I'll give you a moment
to not believe your luck.

- Yeah, I'm not interested.

- Wait, what?

[slowly]
But I like you.

Okay, I see what
you're doing.

You're getting back at me
for bullying you.

Well played, sir.
Well played.

But now that we're even--

- No, it's just that,
no offense,

but you're kind of shallow,

and I don't think
we have anything in common.

I don't even know what
we would talk about.

Sorry, Stella.

- No, wait!
We can talk about stuff.

Nerd stuff.

That wheelchair scientist
with the robot voice!

- Sorry, Stel.

- Oh, this isn't over.

His rejection just made me
want him more.

Give me a brain makeover.
Make me smarter.

- The smart thing
would be to accept

his rejection
and move on.

- Less smart than that.

- Great.

You got Kyle's
evidence box.

It's got tape on it that says,
"Do not open."

- Oops! What do you know?
My knife slipped.

- Is that even legal?

- Calm down.

I'm friend with Joey
in the evidence room.

He knows better
than to rat me out.

I know where all the bodies
are buried.

In an abandoned lot
next to a pawn shop.

- Are those the surveillance
tapes?

- Yes.

Now, before we get started,

remember our deal.

If help you, you'll let
this whole Kyle thing go, right?

Never bring it up again.
- Deal.

- All right, let's pop in
these bad boys

and we'll see if there's
anything useful.

Oh, this brings back
memories.

You and me on a stakeout.

I even bought us black coffee
like we used to have.

- Nothing an eight year old
likes more than

sitting outside a crack house
drinking black coffee.

- I was just trying
to toughen you up

so you wouldn't
get bullied.

- Well, I did get bullied.

Kyle was horrible to me.
You don't know what that's like.

- No, the hell I don't.

I had a bully:
my old man.

That bastard would get pissed
if I looked at him wrong.

Drove me nuts;
I mean,

what's the right way
to look at someone?

It's an impossible standard
to impose on a person.

But I didn't complain.
I toughened up.

Now I don't feel anything.

And I wanted the same
for you.

*

So anyway,
we took credit for catching

the Cedar River Strangler,

but the truth is we don't know
what happened to him.

He died,
he moved away,

maybe just got tired
of strangling.

- You told me that
he was still out there,

and he'd get me
if I didn't brush my teeth.

- Remember what I'd say?

- "The Strangler hates
two things:

Tooth decay
and drifters."

- And you never
had a cavity.

- Oh, my God.
Look at this.

Somebody is planting drugs
in Kyle's desk.

Wow!

I have the evidence
to set Kyle free--

somebody I spent my whole life
wishing would end up in jail.

- Oh, it's a tough call.

I was in a similar spot once--

[phone ringing]

Oh, it's from Alice.

Hot dog, donut, explosion,

sleepy face.

I got to go!

- I mean, I never thought
I'd live to see

the Erdos discrepancy
problem solved,

but now we know
that two elements

within certain sequences
can grow without bound;

am I right?

- You are so right.

Stella, I have to say,

I can't believe
how wrong I was about you.

I'm so glad you insisted
we go out again.

You're incredible.

- Well, I'm delighted
that you deigned

to give me
another chance.

Sometimes people find
my intellect--

- Intimidating,
so I try to hide it.

Thanks, Grandma.
- Thanks, Grandma.

- Don't repeat
everything I say.

- Don't repeat
everything I say.

- I haven't repeated
anything.

- Well, while I--

- Do feel like the privatization
of space travel

is a step forward
in the long term,

it does make me...
uh...

it makes me...
[clearing throat]

- Nostalgic for
the glory days of NASA.

Nostalgic for
the glory days of NASA.

Oh, no.
My phone died.

- Uh...

Uh...I know.

You talk smart things
for a while.

I did most of mine.

*

- Thanks for the escort,
Marcus.

And wasn't I right
about the cigarettes?

Aren't you getting
a lot more compliments?

- I am.
- Okay.

And I'm sorry,
Martina,

but are you getting prettier
every day?

- Well, that's the plan.

- Just turn it off,
Kyle.

Look...

I have the proof
that you didn't do it.

- Oh, my God, give me that--

- First I want the truth
about the glue incident.

- Oh, it's the old
"give me what I want

and I'll give you
what you want."

Popular game
here in prison.

The thing is, Mike,
I rather stay in jail

than lie to you.

I didn't do it.

- If you didn't do it,
then who did?

- No idea.

- I guess at this point
there's no reason

for you to lie about it.

- Exactly.

- Fine.
Here, take it.

- Thanks.
I owe you one.

And you, modeling,
look into it.

- Oh.
[laughs] Kyle--

- Let's go!

- What's with them?

- The big guy wanted me
to admit that I glued him

to his chair
in fifth grade.

- Did you?

- I kind of did.

I guess I was a bit
of a dick back then.

- So why won't you just
admit it now?

.

- So enough about
science-y things.

Let's imitate dumb people
and talk about TV.

- Well, I just finished
re-watching "Breaking Bad."

Have you seen it?

- Of course.

And I definitely think
it's a good thing

we nerds came along
and made watching TV

feel more like books.

- Hello, all.
I'm your waitress.

I'm just trying to balance work
and pursuing my dreams.

And your drinks on my tray,
of course,

because again,
I'm a waitress.

- Hi, waitress.

We were just talking
about "Breaking Bad."

- Oh, you were in here
the other day saying

that you love
"Breaking Bad."

I believe your
exact words were:

"Finally a show
where people respect the power

and majesty of chemistry."

- Oh, I totally agree.
I loved every second of it.

Well, except for the "Fly"
episode, of course.

- Ugh, totally.

- Are you kidding me?

The "Fly" episode
was a daring deconstruction

of the show's form,

boiling complex issues down

to a single primal drive.

- Really?
I think you mean boring.

- Boring? I think you're
confusing boring with nuance.

- I think you're
confusing nuance

with masturbatory
filmmaking.

- Well, sure it's masturbatory,
but isn't that pleasurable too?

- Touché.

- Why, thank you.

- Uh, what's
happening here?

I mean, seriously,
random waitress,

you're poaching
my date?

- What are you talking about?
We're just talking.

- Don't play dumb with me.

That's a game
you'll never win.

- I wasn't going to say
anything,

but now that you're
being weird,

obviously this is the way
this story was going to end.

I told her what to say.

It's a classic Cyrano-inspired
Comic-Con Rom-Com.

- "Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, I'm Shea."

Do you really think
we live in a world

where brains are going
to trump sex appeal?

- I hope we live
in that world.

And clearly this is
a man who respects

intelligence
and substance.

- Hold on a second.

Am I being fought over
by two beautiful women?

This is a new experience.

Although, throughout
the animal kingdom,

it's not uncommon
for a desirable male

to have more than
one mate.

- Dude, are you trying
to work a threesome?

- Am I?
I'm really new at this.

I mean, the--the concept
sounds great, but...

I have enough anxiety
with one woman.

I don't think being
outnumbered would help.

- You have anxiety?

Generalized, social,
or panic disorder?

- All of them.

- Me too.
What do you do for it?

- I--I've tried yoga
but I don't like--

- Being told how to breathe.

- You finished
my sentence.

No girls has ever
done that before.

- Okay,
you're right.

This is how this ends.

I don't understand all this
talking about stuff anyway.

What are your thoughts on this?
What are your thoughts on that?

Just shut up
and feel me up already.

*

- Wait, so now you think
the prison guy

didn't do the glue thing?

Then who did?
- I don't know,

but it's making me crazy.

- So how did it go
with Kyle?

- He still says
he didn't do it.

I guess I believe him.

- Well, let that
be the end of it.

- No, no, no.
New suspect: Kenny Robinson.

He ate glue,
so I know he had it.

- Mike, you promised
you'd let this thing go.

Let's just find out where
Kenny lives and stake him out.

I'll bring the black coffee,
and you--

- Mike, damn it, stop!

No good ever comes from people
digging into their pasts.

- My whole career,
but go on.

- Just let it go.
- Why?

- Because I said so.
- Why?

- Because Kyle did it,
okay?

The glue, the chair,
the whole thing.

- You knew all along,
and you didn't say anything.

- Wow, this is some
"Pretty Little Liars"

.

- I can't believe this.
You knew Kyle did it.

- The school called that day
and asked if I wanted

to make a formal complaint,

and I said
to forget about it.

- Stella--
- Yeah, I know the drill.

You guys are gonna
yell at each other.

Let me know who wins.
Good night, Grandpa.

- Good night, honey.
Sweet dreams.

What the hell are you gonna
yell at me for?

- Because you knew about this
and you didn't tell me!

Because you could have
protected me and you didn't!

- I was protecting you.

If people knew you got Kyle
into trouble,

you would have turned
into that kid,

and that kid gets beat up
every day.

So instead, I signed you up
for boxing lessons.

- Where I got beat up
every day.

- But you stuck with it,
and you got big and strong.

So you're welcome.
- You want me to thank you?

- Because what I did
made you stronger.

- But to get there you let me
feel humiliated and alone.

- Do you ever stop
whining?

- Do you ever stop being
a mean old prick?

- This is great!

both:
Not now, Martina.

- See how alike
you two are?

both: Don't say that!

- What's great is that
we're finally getting

at the core issues.

Honey, you want to pretend that
time in your life never existed,

you want some apology that's
gonna make it all seem better,

but the way to truly
put it behind you

is to embrace
what that time taught you

and love that scared
little boy inside you.

- I don't love
that little boy.

That's why there are no pictures
of that little boy.

- There is one.

I've had it
since you were 11.

I keep it in my wallet.

- Why?

- Because I did love
that little boy.

- Dad--

- Look...

maybe I made
some mistakes,

and what I did could have turned
out badly for a lot of kids,

but not you!

I mean, look how good
you turned out.

And that's on you.

- I guess in your--
your own strange way,

I know you were
looking out for me, so...

All right, I accept
your apology.

- I didn't apologize.

- Yes, you did.

So you don't have
to deny it anymore.

You did it.

- I kind of did.

- Well,
I'm a grown man,

and revenge is ultimately
unsatisfying,

so I only ask one thing, Kyle.

Buy me a beer.

- Happy to do it,
buddy.

[sighs]

You glued me to the chair,
didn't you?

[imitating]
- I kind of did.

Revenge is ultimately
unsatisfying,

but it's still fun.

- You just lost yourself
a free beer, my friend!

Today would have been
a terrific day

to wear underwear.

All right, people,
prepare yourself for a show

my last girlfriend called...

adequate.