Original subtitles

There he is! Hello!

He's carrying a parcel. Everything will be alright again!

Egon will save us!

Hallo, Egon! Bloody brilliant! You are most welcome!

It is wonderful to have you back!

It has been very difficult without you. -And boring.

Yvonne really looks forward to seeing you. -She made a cake.

So... you have a plan, right?

See? Egon always has a plan. -We desperately need one this time.

Let Egon enjoy his freedom for a bit! -Alright then.

Hopefully the plan isn't about millions.

Be quiet! -But this is important!

You don't have to say it like that, you'll hurt Egon's feelings.

Don�t remind him that he always gets conned.

Alright then! Give Egon a cigar!

Here you go! It�s from B�rge.

Where is B�rge? -He has no time these days.

He has very little time indeed! -Benny!

What is going on? -It�s a sensitive issue.

We'd better wait until we're home with Yvonne.

Egon! Please don�t be offended. We�ve always greeted you well -

-if I may say so myself.

But this time, we lack the time.

Time? -We don't have time for your plans.

The situation is very serious. -What is going on?

It's B�rge. -The means so much to us.

Exactly It's about the welfare of a child. -B�rge is not a child anymore!

Tgat�s not what Yvonne meant. -B�rge met a girl.

And she became pregnant. -What?

She's having a baby. -Her name is Fie.

And then what? It�s all Kjeld�s fault!

What? Kjeld? -No, not like that....

Yes, you. If you had talked about these things with your son

And told him about life and things... -B�rge knows now anyway.

You are not without blame, Benny!

Me? Why? -You two are bad role models.

I'm not talking about Egon, Just you two. He's always in jail.

You sit around and drink beer and god knows what!

And you men always make us poor women do all the work!

Fie will become a mother, and I, grandmother. And it's all because of you halfwits...!

But what�s done is done. We must resign ourselves to it.

B�rge marries Fie. I want her to wear a wedding dress.

They�ll marry before there is any sign of the baby.

They�ll need an apartment and furniture, baby clothes and a baby carriage.

So you can see that we need money. -Of course!

Egon has a plan! -Bloody brilliant!

I hope it is not about millions! I'm telling you that...

No, no. -That's good.

Damn good! -How much money can we expect?

Tell us, Egon! Well, exactly 50,000kr.

50,000kr? That doesn�t stretch very far these days.

But if it is guaranteed...? -Of course it is!

I hope so. Get going, don't just sit there.

Yvonne! -Egon needs to rest first.

But not for long. B�rge and Fie will be back soon from the midwife.

I'll make more coffee.

So, Egon. Tell us the plan!

Yes. it, it is...

Is it dangerous? -Shut up, Kjeld!

Is it hard?

It's neither dangerous nor difficult.

What is it then?

It's not even illegal.

50,000 kr. legally? -Is that even a heist?

Not a heist, but an experience!

What now? -It is the experience of a lifetime!

How? How.... -We will work for a Baron.

A Baron? I don�t understand. You talked about 50,000 kr.

Don't be an idiot. Feudal Baron! -But you promised...

Feudal Baron Ulrik Christian Frederick L�venvold.

God! The guy in the tabloids? -Exactly.

And in the magazines! -A very important personality.

He is a member of the Honour Medal Committee and sits on many boards.

His family has many companies: insurance, shipping companies.

Chemical plants and supermarkets!

The Baron is one of Denmark's great sons.

Have you met him? -No, not yet.

One of his lawyers shared a cell with me.

Take B�rge! He needs to network in better circles.

Maybe at a better time.

I am glad that you have a have taken a sensible path.

Youa re finally focusing on important things, and not a moment too soon.

What do we do then? -Do we have to do real work?

Have you planned everything exactly? -That wont be necessary.

Everything is laid out in front of us.

I studied the chronicles of the L�venvold family.

The L�venvolds dominated the history of our country.

They were always there, from the outset.

Their ancestors helped King Svend during the conquest of England.

They faithfully followed the King and were generous with their wealth.

The coronation procession of King Christian was led by a L�venvold.

In the battle of Ko?obrzeg Heath a L�venvold was wounded.

They supported the fleet, but lost their ship.

Their allegiance is solid and has made them fight many wars.

Their family motto is �Honour, Always�!

Beautiful, Egon! -Magical!

It�s great. It�s Danish.

It's wonderful. -What now?

Listen up!

Oops. -Hi, Egon. This is Fie.

Kjeld, I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

We need a new tea set. We only have four cups left.

There is Fie! Fie, say hello to Egon. He works for a Baron.

Hi. Are you the one who is always in jail?

Is it fun? -Fie! We don�t talk about that.

Come with me into the kitchen and drink your coffee with me!

You're bring the urn. Don�t touch, Kjeld!

Fie comes from Jutland, but she�s very nice anyway.

Listen up!

Oops! -Kjeld! The urn is also broken!

Don't worry about it Fie, we were going to throw it out anyway.

Isn't she great! And beautiful!

B�rge adores Fie. -That wont last past the honeymoon.

Damn it! Listen to me! -Tell us, Egon!

We� will undertake a performance heist. -A performance heist?

Yes, a performance heist. What is that, Egon?

Our heist will appear to be a heist.

Without really being one. -I see.

The Baron resides mostly in the family estate of Borreholm Castle.

He also has a Palace in Copenhagen. There is a vault by Franz J�ger.

Damn good!

The safe is very interesting.

It was personally built in 1782 by the company�s founder: Franz J�ger.

Shut up. -Will it be difficult?

This is without a doubt the easiest and safest heist of my life.

Damn good! -What is in the safe?

The safe contains a Chinese vase. We'll stage a burglary.

I will turn the vase in the following morning and be rewarded 50,000 kr.

Am I dreaming? This is beautiful! -Wonderful!

The action starts at tonight 23:15.

The staff is away at Borreholm Castle.

The police patrol comes by at 23:40 at the earliest.

That gives us 25 minutes. The door is not locked.

The library is in the first floor. Wipe your feet!

I don't want to make a bad impression.

There it is.

Franz J�ger�s masterpiece!

You take care of the window.

This must look like a regular burglary.

Hurry up! -I'm coming!

Watch out! -I will, I will!

The window isn�t moving.

Give me the hammer! -Wait a second!

Come on! Help me! Careful!

At 23:35 precicely we leave again.

We lean a ladder up against the open window.

The undertaking is complete. Could it be any simpler?

Shut up, Egon, that was great! -A great experience, Egon!

We�re having champagne. Come,Fie! Uncle Benny has a present!

Yes, see what Borge's dad brought.

Egon too, of course! -Was the whole fuss over this jar?

This is an old Chinese vase belonging to a Baron. -I know. A Ping vase!

Ming!

My Dentist also has one. -Bring the vase into the kitchen!

It could be damaged out here. -Let's get the cork out!

I�m sure I have to leave now, just like at the dentist�s.

Nonsense! Don't worry, Fie! They're hopeless.

No, no. Now, Fie...

Really now.

Benny, keep her condition in mind.

No. No! This can't be happening!

This vase is a thousand years old.

Made by the emperors craftsmen in Peking in the early Ming period.

And so? We�ll just glue it back together.

See, it almost looks as good as new.

Please sit. You're making me nervous.

This was a difficult task. Quiet!

I should have known!

Every time I expect progress and every time I'm disappointed.

Always the same! The same prattle, the same talentless immaturity,

The same lousy excuses, the same problems and inconveniences.

Pregnancy and wedding! How pathetic.

I'll say.

Don�t get so upset over a vase. How old did you say it was? 1000 years?

Exactly! Thousand years!

So it must have been dropped a million times.

Our china is only twelve years old and has been broken several times.

Maybe this will raise its value.

Nobody will notice anything in the early morning light.

It went as planned? -Fully, sir Baron.

Well done, Joachim! -Thank you, sir Baron.

Don�t speak of this to anyone. -Of course.

The family wouldn't understand. -There is no doubt.

Especially the aunts and Uncle Gustav. -Obviously.

We say nothing! -Discretion is a matter of honour.

Exactly. Honour. Is there someone on the phone?

It's the broker. Unfortunately he insists.

Then I should...

May I reward Frits for his efforts? -Of course. As you like.

I need the money soon. Then I can meet with the Dutch gentleman.

Confidentiality is important, of course. Discretion is the matter of honour.

Don't be concerned. Nothing can go wrong.

The man was arrested as planned.

Not to worry. He has a criminal record.

They can't arrest him, he was just released.

You should be ashamed for leaving him.

It wasn't our fault. -We just watched.

Is the vase broken again? -Yes, totally smashed.

Is Egon back in jail? -Yes.

That's a shame. What are you going to do?

What? Can't you free him?

What? How?

If you smuggle a file into the cell, and a rope ladder, and during a cloudy night....

It's all right. Leave it to the men.

But it's high time you do something, Kjeld! Think, you're going to be a grandpa!

You too, Benny! -I'm no grandpa!

I prepared the wedding, but you�ve done nothing!

You leave everything to me!

What do we do? -Dang it, I have a plan!

What? -A foolproof plan.

I don't believe it. -There is a safe in the supermarket.

We should wait for Egon. Nonsense! Egon�s getting old.

We need young people with initiative and ideas

Who are you talking about? -Me, for example.

You? -Of course, damnit.

I have spent seven long years working for Egon.

But if you don't want to... but it's your fault, becoming a grandfather and all.

It's all right! Is it dangerous? -No, not at all.

Can you open the safe? -Yes, with a blowtorch.

The action starts at 12:15 am.

This is the alarm system up here. I'll shut it off. Dead simple.

There. I�ll get the lock.

Go ahead. -Thank you.

This isn�t a Franz J�ger safe! -It doesn�t matter! We have the torch.

Go for it. -Wait.

Bloody brilliant! I need the hose.

Give me that! -One sec!

Benny! Watch out! Watch out! -There. There.

Taken care of.

Damn it!

I knew it.

That was disappointing.

You could have turned the alarm off. The bell is above the door. Easy.

Enough!

I knew it! -Be quiet!

Don�t argue. -It is the same every time!

We�re only doing this because of you! -You can leave me out of this.

No, you're involved too. You're both drinking hot milk.

I�ll go and get Egon.

What are you doing? -I'm getting Egon.

You can't do that, Yvonne! -What else should I do?

You can't do anything. And Kjeld does even less than that.

Egon is at least better than nothing.

What are you going to do? -Find someone reasonable at the prison authority.

I have already spoken to many departments and and everyone said I should you, the criminal psychologist.

I understand that you want 4711 Olsen to be released.

Exactly, and quickly! -He has been sentenced twenty times.

He suffers from a repetitive compulsion as a result of a mental illness.

Maybe, but we have helped him so much, and nothing can go wrong at the wedding.

Wedding? There is nothing about a wedding here. -And the baby will be here soon.

What? -You have to think of the baby!

Indeed.

If nothing is done to change things, I take no responsibility for what happens next!

Are you directly involved in this case?

Yes. But no one else wants to help.

Interesting. A female guardian. That is unprecedented!

I'll see what I can do. -At last! And not a moment too soon.

Take good care of Egon Olsen. -I always have. Just ask him.

You must focus on this task. This is a very important responsibility.

You must be like a mother to him. -Certainly.

Hi, Egon.

Egon and I agree that we wont discuss how he got caught again.

That�s what I said to B�rge and Fie. We pretend like nothing happened.

Take good care of Egon. Kjeld, you're now like a father to him.

And Benny? Where are you? -I'm coming!

You treat Egon like a brother. -Sure.

Now everything alright again. Just as before.

Egon. I assume you have a plan? -Of course.

Then you can get started. If you have any problems, just come to me.

Listen up. I wont stand for this!

It wasn't my idea. -You know what Yvonne's like.

It's not about Yvonne. I have been treated like a fool.

Please don�t start. We agreed, not to talk.... -Quiet! I'm not someone's puppet.

I thought you had a plan. -I do.

Really? -Bloody brilliant.

Listen up.

Was there a lawyer in your cell? -Yes. A very respectable lawyer.

He told me that the vase was only a worthless copy that anyone can buy for 14.74 kr.

The vase we glued? -No way. That can't be legal.

The case is resolved. The report is here.

What was it? -Certainly not a Ming vase.

It is a worthless copy from Hong Kong. Have a look.

It is a typical insurance fraud.

The insurance company still wants to pay. I don't get it.

Should I tell you why? -Yes, please.

The Baron is on the Supervisory Board of the insurance company.

That is illegal. -Yes!

The Baron has dire financial problems.

His lifestyle and his stock market speculation depleted his money.

He also embezzled a part of the family fortune.

His relatives will not give him any money.

He wouldn�t dare to try to sell the Ming vase.

That's why he let the fake be stolen. The insurance company paid for the damage.

He then intends to sell the original vase to a Dutchman.

That man represents a South African billionaire.

That can�t be legal! -Of course not!

This is insurance fraud, abuse of office and embezzlement.

And theft!

I know! But why is this happening to me? -What do you mean?

Why do I get the case? -It is a great case!

Oh God! Young man. Some cases are solved, others are not. Right?

Sure.

If I do not solve the case. I will greatly annoy the police prosecuter.

And what is the only thing on his mind? -Erm... Women.

No. He wants to be District Attorney. Or Attorney General.

He's looking for something sensational!

Nothing is sacred to this man! He tramples everything down!

But if we solve the case. And then?

What?

What is the Baron? -A cheat.

And also? -What?

A member of the Honour Medal Committee. Do you know what happens if I arrest him?

No. -Then I get no medal of honour.

Medal of honour! -Rumor is that I�m up for it.

After all these years in service. And now this case comes up.

I understand. -A horrible coincidence.

So what do we do? -As little as possible!

And the police prosecutor? -He gets reports.

Investigations must still be made. -Good. But do it discreetly.

Discretion is a matter of honour.

The Baron will act discreetly.

He is organizing a hunt at Borreholm Castle,

-and the Dutchman is invited. We strike there. -Is it possible?

I have a plan. -Bloody brilliant.

I found an old floor plan of the castle in the prison library.

Under the basement are secret tunnels from the middle ages.

We can navigate them with this map.

Let me see.

The writing is Gothic. We climb town a trap door,

-go past the wine cellar and through a secret entrance to the library.

There we find an English safe containing the original vase.

My plan is elegant, easy and brilliant.

What's the matter, Kjeld?

It sounds great. And then what?

We swap the original vase with a worthless copy.

And then?

The Baron will present the Dutchman with a vase made in Hong Kong!

Bloody brilliant! -And then what?

Then we'll be even. He may move in higher circles,

-but he wont beat Egon Olsen.

Great! The stupid pig. -And then what?

What next? -What about the money?

Money?

Yvonne is counting on money. -That�s true. We need money.

Don�t you think of anything else? -No.

You have no sense of honor? -Sure, if we can afford it.

We�ll get money for the vase.

Gotcha. Of course. -How much is it worth?

About one and a half million. -I thought so. That's not good.

Yvonne warned us about millions. It wont work.

Don't say that. -We'll just get conned again.

You know what Yvonne said too?

You have to be like a father to Egon. We must help him if he needs us, right?

Of course. -If we keep trying, it must work out eventually.

Let's get started.

But Yvonne can't find out. -No no, come on.

Egon! Come here and let me look at you.

And show me your fingernails.

Good. Run along now.

Come home soon. Egon can�t stay out too late.

Don't let her get to you. -Let's go.

Are we going to the castle? -No. It�s not that easy to get into.

I have a plan. -Bloody brilliant!

Maxim Transportable is a successful caterer in higher cicles.

They will do the catering for the Baron�s hunting party.

They have everything we need.

Dear friends. This is our greatest opportunity.

Tomorrow we serve the country's most renowned men.

Counts and barons. Bank managers, shipowners and directors.

Movie producers, critics and water skiers!

If we make an impression, then everything is possible in the future.

No mouth would remain closed to us.

Our goal is within reach:

�Maxim Transportable � Royal Catering�

Let�s review the menu: Eel pie, salmon pate, crab pate

Here!

Rabbit pate, goose pate, game pate

Cured salmon, smoked salmon, leg of lamb, veal medallion.

B�arnaise sauce, boctelaise sauce, bernaise sauce

And our speciality: the flaming veal kidneys.

And the highlight, especially created for the occasion:

Young breeding ox, roasted whole. I will do that personally.

This will do. Time to get started.

Kjeld and Benny!

For Christ's sake, greedy pigs. You must concentrate and memorize everything.

Shut up, it's a huge place. Hopefully it goes well. -It must go well.

I can't face Yvonne yet again...

Don't worry, Egon has a plan.

Are you alright?

Chef! We have the ox.

Now? -Yeah yeah, I will.

Finally! -Damnit Egon, we came as quick as we could.

Come. We have little time.

My poor, dear friend! Take this for your nerves.

There, there.

Benny, shut the door.

It's dark here. -Of course, it's a cellar. Flashlight?

Here!

We must get down into those medieval tunnels. Come!

There's a trap door here somewhere.

It's here somewhere.

Kjeld! Where are you? -I don't know.

Good, Kjeld found the entry.

It's ok Kjeld, just stay there. -Let's find a ladder.

Something's moving! -It�s just rats.

The food out there looks good. -I would rather do the cooking myself.

It was different in the old days. -There were six of us in the kitchen.

Maybe there will be leftovers. -No need. I made a great pot of stew.

Enough to last us 4 days.

That's probably lovely as well.

I should fetch more wine.

People these days drink much more than they eat.

Are there ghosts here? -Kjeld, ghosts don't exist.

They do here. This family was bloodthirsty and cruel.

The castle is haunted by restless ancestors. -That can't be true.

It is, I've studied it thoroughly.

We must be careful here.

Thank you.

Egon, are you going blind? -Nonsense, these are Gothic letters.

If we go the wrong way here, it could end horribly.

Here is the maiden tunnel, used by the barons' lovers.

The matriarch had it sealed.

We came from this tunnel. The trapdoor is in there.

We go here. This is the tunnel to the wine cellar. Let's go.

This must be the wine cellar over there.

Heavens! That was the White Count!

That was scary. -Nonsense, it was just the butler.

Is something wrong? -Not at all. Come on.

It is always a terrible omen, when the White Count appears.

That's just superstition. -Fritz, you are a young man.

You have only been here for 20 years. -But ghosts?

Just wait and see. There is more in this old house than meets the eye.

How much further?

Quit whining, I'm fed up with you both.

I'm tired.

We're here. -Where?

Here! -But there is nothing here!

There is a door somewhere. -Did we mess up again?

Shut up, there must be a door!

What did you do? -I just touched this.

Well, there you go.

Incredible! A nice room!

It's not by Franz J�ger. -Almost the same.

Quick! Our time is limited.

The Dutchman will be here soon. You two watch the window.

Oh God!

They�re coming! We must do something! Anything!

The Dutchman is here. Egon!

What happened? Where are you, Egon?

Where is he? -He must be here!

He isn't here either. -He just got fed up with us!

Bullshit! Egon, wait up!

There you go!

Kjeld! Benny! Where are you?

I know you don't like my stew! But to hide the whole pot?

I assure you I haven�t touched your stew!

Then who did?

Wonderful stew! -Very rustic! How original!

Egon! Where are you?

No! That's the wrong way.

We came through here.

Heaven help us! Somebody set off the trap.

This hasn't happened since Pentecost, 78 years ago.

He's leaving again. -He doesn't have a vase.

Very good!

You are very kind. -And it was the same man?

What should we do with him? -We must put him in the cellar.

The cellar?

Yes. He knows too much. He must disappear forever.

That this should happen to me-

My father told me about the time his father's father-

That this should happen to me!

Joachim, you've earned this.

But he is just a commoner. -The times are changing.

Thank you for your help! Thank you very much!

Wonderful! Don�t breathe a word to anyone!

Thank you, my boy. You were very brave today.

Thank you! You were amazing!

The unfortunate incident has been taken care of.

I can present the vase to the Dutchman.

The day after tomorrow, excellent.

Discretion is a matter of honor!

What?

There will be no more issues. I swear on my honor!

Please do not take this personally.

I'm afraid you may misunderstand. We have nothing personally against you.

You are surely an ordinary gentleman.

But when the honour of the family is concerned, you must accept destiny.

You will be in illustrious company.

This site was only for select family members, they surround you here.

All of the the nobles who were crippled or idiots-

Or anyone who brought shame to the family honour.

What now? -Let's go. I've had enough.

What about Egon? -He was probably conned again.

We can't go back to Yvonne without Egon and the money.

It's not our fault. -Let's go look for him.

I'm not going down there again. -Why not? Are you scared?

What? No!

Let's go then! -Yeah yeah, fine.

I thought the Cognac from 1815, the year of Waterloo-

Would be especially fitting for today�s events.

Very good.

And... it's over? -Completely.

We tell no-one about it, right Joachim? - Clearly, Mr. Baron.

The family wouldn�t understand. - Never.

This would normally be dealt with by a family council-

We say nothing, right Joachim?

Discretion is a matter of honour, Mr. Baron.

I don't like this. -Shush!

Are you sure it's this way? -Yes.

You scared me. What the hell happened? -I don�t know. Come. Let�s go!

The stupid pig. What was he doing? -Laying bricks.

Bricks?

That�s Egon!

He�s in the wall. -What do we do?

We need to break the wall.

What can we use?

Hang on, I've got it.

That can't be right.

"Bastards and boneheads" - it's him! Hold on.

Bloody brilliant!

Again! Go!

Again!

There!

Good old Egon!

Good to see you. -Bloody brilliant!

We were so worried. -We thought something had happened.

Listen up, I have a plan! -Let's get out of here first!

There you go.

You said there were two of them? - Yes.

Jesus.

So both the White Count and Mad Bishop have shown themselves!

This signals evil times ahead for country and royalty.

The last time, exchange rates fell and interest rates rose.

We had to sell the hotels and the airlines went bankrupt!

Heaven knows what will destroy us this time.

There you are, good as new!

Thanks great listen up! I have a plan!

Why do we need a plan, we just... -The safe and the vase and....

Where is the vase?

That's what it's all about! -Do you mean it's gone?

Egon, were you conned again? -Quiet! I was bricked up, remember!

Was the whole thing for nothing? -No. It was not for nothing.

You should have seen the Barons' face when the Dutchman smashed the vase-

It was a great moment of incomparable beauty.

What about B�rge and Fie? What about the wedding, the future, and everything?

What about Yvonne? -I said I have a plan.

A plan about a great experience? A moment of incomparable beauty?

A plan of sweet nothings under the stars? -Don't be absurd.

What do I tell Yvonne?

Enough!

Spare me Yvonne and your pathetic, petty, ignorant life circus-

You people are useless!

Your son can't look at a girl without impregnating her. What a bunch of imbiciles.

Phooey! Shame on you!

God damnit, you must be able to work things out.

You mustn't take Keld seriously, you know what his nerves are like.

I don't care. I demand an apology. An unreserved apology.

Fair enough.

You know how Egon can be like. -I've had enough!

He doesn't really mean it, he's just old. Needs glasses and things, god knows...

I won't go to Yvonne empty handed. -Of course not.

And I want an apology. -Alright.

Egon, Kjeld regrets everything. You know how he is.

He can be so pathetic. He's nothing like you. -Will he apologize?

He's terrified of coming home to Yvonne. I told him: Egon has a plan!

Of course!

But only if he apologizes. -That's what I said.

Kjeld, Egon is very sorry, he's distraught. But his plan is great.

Are you sure?

You know he nags a bit, but he's a good person deep down.

He'll apologize? -Yes. Come on.

Look, here he comes. Good old Kjeld.

He's an old fool, but also a dear friend.

Shake his hand, show him what great character looks like.

Brilliant! Let�s hear Egon's plan now!

It's simple and easy.

The Baron will meet the Dutchman again the day after tomorrow at the Royal Theatre.

After tomorrow? -We'll grab both the vase and the money.

Great!

We'll buy supplies, but first we need to get money.

When do we do that? -Tomorrow on the way home.

So before we get home? -Of course.

I told you it'd be alright.

We strike early tomorrow morning when the porn shops close.

Benny will get us a cab. -Bloody brilliant!

Every morning, the owner collects the day�s earnings.

At 4:25 he hails a taxi and takes the money to the bank, before going home to Gentoft.

Good morning, it's a beautiful day! -Hallandsbank in Holland Street.

And no detours. I know the what the trip should cost.

Of course. A man like you could never be conned like that!

What the hell. -What is going on?

One moment while I have a look.

Can you just call me another cab. -I'm sorry, the power's gone.

For Christ's sake! -I can probably fix it!

I can't bloody wait that long!

Apologies!

Could I cut in front of you? I'm in a rush.

You couldn't lend me a krone? -Yes.

Thank you. You�re very kind.

Wait! Stop! Halt!

Bloody brilliant! -That wasn�t dangerous at all!

Egon, you genius! -It was very simple.

And there's money in there? -Yes, a whole night's profit!

Good. Then we can go home.

Honestly, Kjeld! I've had enough of your antics.

Little Yvonne...

I can't handle this anymore. I'm all alone while you drive around town.

We were getting money. -That doesn�t matter right now.

What?

I spoke to the pastor. Everything is ready. But he�s changed his mind.

Who did? -Your son.

B�rge? -He doesn't want to commit.

I'm done with this. It's your turn to fix the situation.

Me? -Yes, you have to make him come around.

Where is he? -Out in the back.

Hi, there you are! -You can�t change my mind.

You don't want to get married at all?

Maybe, but then just at the town hall, this is way too much fuss.

This means a lot to your mother. -So what?

I'd like to talk to you.

Ok. -Thanks.

My boy. You're almost an adult. -You're gonna tell me about the birds and the bees?

No no, that is simple enough. What comes next is difficult.

Women are not what you think they are, or even what they think they are.

Especially married women. After the wedding, it gets serious.

You can't talk normal with wives, like I�m talking to you now.

They never listen.

And you can't understand what they say. It's incomprehensible.

Fie is very different. Yes, sure, maybe.

She is great. And beautiful! -Yes.

Fie is alright. -Yes. She's alright.

And you know what? -What?

Your mother is also alright.

She is amazing and beautiful and.... she is incomprehensible.

She's always right. Always. It's important to always do what she says.

So you'll get into trouble if I don't get married?

Somebody must pay for it.

I'll get married. -Thank you, B�rge.

So the wedding will proceed! -At last, lets get started.

No kidding, there is so much to do. Thank god you're here to help.

No way, we have to get moving. Where is the money?

The money is safe. There are exactly 14.570 kroner.

It's not much, but it'll do. -We need it for my plan!

Egon, we don't have time for that nonsense.

Give me the money! Where is it? -Fie took it to the bank.

Stop this, give me the money you insane creature!

Egon! Remember that I am your legal guardian.

Now, you do what I tell you. Otherwise, I�ll have a word with the authorities.

Sure. You are right. Of course I have it.

I'll write many reports.

What? Where should I put them?

In the trash?

Where how... where...? Hello!?

Hello!

What are you sitting here for? -Well, the reports....

I don't need reports. I need action! Understood?

Was this the police attorney? -Yes.

We could go and arrest the Baron! Oh god. Why is it always me?

I've got it. We make an arrest.

It looks proactive and will delay the case for weeks on end.

So we arrest the Baron? Holm! Try to pay attention!

So who do we arrest? Just any crook. A usual suspect.

Olsen! He is on parole and already involved in the case.

Go find and arrest him. Immediately!

..and I'm organizing the honeymoon. Little Fie wants to go to Mallorca.

Stand still, Egon! Fie's at the bank and she can't stand up this long in her condition.

We don't have a tailer's dummy, and you two are the same height anyway.

Now stand still while I construct the veil.

Look at that!

There, just missing the myrtle.

Well, the police just pulled up.

Police? -What could they want?

What do we do? -We have to go!

The back door!

Gone. They'll use any little excuse to run away from doing work.

Guardian? -Yes, his guardian. Why are you going to arrest him?

One moment...

For vagrancy. -Let's see.

For crying out loud. What nonsense.

Well...

There are no vagrants here, we have enough to do as it is.

Sure.

And there are enough things to do without you coming and going at all times.

Maybe you have nothing else to do? -Well, our jobs...

Oh yes?

Yes.

He's still there. What's going on?

The wreath might be too much, given her condition.

Or I could scatter the myrtle over the veil.

You two are exactly the same height, how funny!

They're coming!

I was waiting for you outside. I have the money.

The money? -Don't you need it?

Yes.

I don't know why his mom would rather have thousands than millions.

Fie! Yvonne said... -There's nothing you can do.

She's always right, you always do what she says. Right?

Brilliant!

Isn't she great? -Yes. And beautiful!

The Royal Theatre! -Such a fancy place.

It's the setup for my plan. We'll need B�rge.

B�rge? -And some tools.

-What, exactly? -A pin, hammer, saw...

Drills, gramophone, 16 explosive devices and the overture to "Elf Hill".

("Elf Hill" overture by Kuhlau)

Can you remember all that? -Yes.

You must follow my lead. -Clear. Rhythm and performance!

Uncle George and Karl Gustav? -Yes, Mr. Baron. And the aunts.

Also the aunts. -They wish for a family council.

The family Council? -Yes, Mr. Baron.

Is somebody on the phone?

It's the broker. Apologies, but he insists.

Yes, sure. Of course. We will do our best.

Of course it is not enough. Very good! Goodbye!

The police attorney?

Should we arrest someone again? -No, he wants the vase.

What? -The original Ming vase.

The insurance company wont pay out.

Instead they offer 20,000 kr. to whoever finds it.

What do you mean? -If the vase shows up, it's over!

Over? -For me. And the Baron as well.

I assure you that nothing will go wrong.

I'll meet the Dutchman tonight, and he's paying in cash.

What could possibly go wrong at the royal theatre?

They're both here -Brilliant!

They'll be seated in a theatre box. -Box?

Only members of the order may sit there. This way!

Nothing will go wrong, right Fritz?

Sir, I'll sit on it the whole time. -Excellent.

We're under the audience right now.

Here's the orchestra pit.

We go down the hall, and make our way through the different rooms.

Up one floor, and into the theatre box.

That's easy! -I'm afraid not. Here, everything is hard.

The work environment is very complicated here.

The orchestra can't stand the opera singers.

The opera disdains the dancers,

The dancers hate the actors. The actors hate each other,

And the technicians wont talk with anyone.

Really? -Yes.

Therefore there are walls everywhere. We need to break through them.

That'll be tough! -Shush. There he is.

The conductor himself. He hates the Orchestra.

Here is the opera room. Hammer, stud, saw. -Yes, coming!

Here's the ballet room. Chisel. -Yes!

And this is the actors' room.

Bah!

The next room belongs to the technical staff.

The wall is made of reinforced concrete. We need the drill and the explosives.

Right away!

This is the prop room. There is the elevator.

Bloody brilliant!

See Fie, men are not what you think they are.

Especially husbands. They don't listen to a word you say.

And forget about trying to understand what they say, it has nothing to do with logic.

They are just children, big boys. But that makes you fond of them.

And their behavior can be incredibly frustrating, but you have to get used to that.

You might as well know before you get married.

I don't understand. The original vase?

Yes. The original Ming vase. I believe there is a reward.

Yes. Excellent, I'd like to gift it to the young couple.

Here is the vase.

Thus, the case is solved. -Sure, sure.

You achieved your goal and can now bring the baron to justice.

Sure. -Now have a look!

Hold on to this.

Oops!

Oops!

Don't be sad! -It was a very sweet gesture.

We'll be alright anyway.

Holm! Holm!

Forgive me, sir broker. The baron is indisposed.

There was a family council. The baron wont be available for the next 200 years.

Good, you found the broom. -Yes, what now?

Sweep! Sweep godamnit!

Good. That's the evidence gone.

This case will never be solved. We can dither for years without anything happening.

Can we do that? -My young man.

My dear young man. I know what I'm doing.

We must do this if society is to function as it always has.

Problems swept under the rug. Locked in the closet.

And we have the peace and quiet needed to engage with the public.

What about the medal? -Medals don't matter these days.

They're even giving them to actors now.

I say like others before me: medals are just for idiots.

Yes, come in.

Good afternoon. I am here on behalf of the Honour Medal Committee.

Am I speaking to the renowned chief detective Viggo.... Jensen?

Yes. That's me. -Please sign here.

It was a proud moment of tremendous beauty.

They were both so sweet.

Even Fie. You could barely tell her condition. Especially if you didn't know.

I hope it wont cost too much. -Too much?

It adds up, there were 4 voices in the choir and the myrtle wasn't cheap.

And the carriage was also expensive. -That's true.

I hope we can afford it? -What do you think, Egon?

Egon, show her!

You will be amazed, Yvonne! -What's in the case?

About one and a half million!

Oh no, it's their clothes.

They forgot their luggage. Must I do everything for them?

You're great. And very beautiful!

Calm down, Egon. They were going to get the money anyway.

They'll get a good start to their life together, and you can't ask for more.

And now that this is over, I finally get the time to really take care of you.