Original subtitles

SICILY EXPRESS

ADMISSIONS

There better be a good explanation for all of this.

-We're listening. -Oh, sweetie...

You have a family, a little girl, everything,

and yet the perfect husband got himself a lover?

-Where did you... -You have a lover?! How's that?

-What the... -Don't act all innocent, you!

Who is she? Do I know her?

What are you talking about?

Did you forget jealousy stems from a lack of trust?

Those are your words.

Oh! Well, I used to trust you Salvo, okay? Up until you began wearing perfume.

I don't!

I'm dying to see this woman's face,

that caramel-perfumed little lover you got!

I swear it's not caramel.

Don't deny the evidence.

Sweetie, how can you believe that? Caramel? Really? Come on.

Excuse me, are you leaving?

No, we got these beds an hour ago.

Please, go away, these spots are taken.

-Ladies... -Don't be so pushy, please leave!

Ladies, I think it's time we told you the whole truth.

-Yes. -It's very simple, but difficult to get.

Salvo and I, we found a magical dumpster. You get in in Sicily, come out in Milan.

So it helped us travel faster and without a plane.

-Well, what kind of excuse is that? -Shame on both of you.

Now, please, ladies,

don't forget these two patients have just had an accident.

Why are you defending them? Because you're also a cheater and a liar?

No.

I assure you, this is all due to head trauma, nothing else.

Maria Teresa...

You see? The fact that he recognizes you is a sign of lucidity.

Claudia, if the trauma's serious, I wanna be treated in Milan.

I don't trust these hospitals in the south.

That too, is another sign of lucidity.

I know that what we're telling you might sound insane,

but come with us and we'll prove to you it's true.

No.

Hey, guys!

I bought a whole lot of medication here in Sicily.

See you up in Milan!

-What in the world? -The dumpster exists.

-Be careful. -Come on, get in already!

That's enough, you!

Shh!

I can't believe it's true, they weren't lying!

And they never told us about it?

Those morons!

Something like this could have changed our lives forever!

But they kept it all to themselves!?

Salvo's gonna pay for this! I swear he's gonna hear from me!

No, no, no, no, no. Let's not give them that satisfaction.

No?

Silence is the best answer.

-Ladies... -Sweetie...

Now you understand why it was so hard to tell you something this huge, right?

-Hello, ladies. -Hello, Santa Claus.

-How do you know him? -Uh, well, he gives Santa Claus vibes.

He just looks like one.

Please don't say you've been using that dumpster to spy on us.

I have.

Mm. Let's go. Now. Come on.

Let's go, Palermo! Let's go, Palermo...

I want to file a complaint!

I want to file a complaint

for public disturbance on private property!

Did you hear me? Loud sports commotion!

I think that's them.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -Yeah?

-Remember to play the victim card. -Why?

All women like it when men do that. They'll forgive us right away.

-Claudia... -Mm, don't play the victim card,

You're not even good at it!

Maria Teresa...

Neither are you.

-Okay. -All right, ladies.

-What's really important is you're right. -Yeah.

-We should've told you immediately. -Obviously.

When we found this magical dumpster

and figured out it could take us from Sicily to Milan

without needing to fly there,

the first thing we wanted to do was tell our family.

So after that...

We immediately went to go hide it near the old fish factory.

-Yeah. Just us. -So that we could use it together.

But we arrived late to Milan, so the director fired us

and from there, everything went downhill.

Listen, Salvo, right now, it's just too much.

I need some time to think about everything.

Me too.

How's that, you too?

I don't want you around here for a while.

And what about our daughter?

You'll have to tell her one of your many lies.

That shouldn't be a problem, you're so good at it now.

No!

All right.

Eh...

Sweetheart.

Are you reading?

Hey, Aurora.

Hi, Uncle Salvo.

Sweetheart, I know I'm not a perfect dad.

I'm never around. I'm always doing something else.

I don't even know how to choose Christmas ornaments.

But you do know I love you, right?

And I love you too, Daddy.

I just wanted to tell you that I have to go back to Milan.

The director, he needs me right now, I have to help him out.

And I'll have to go for a while, but don't worry, I'll be back soon.

Daddy, can I speak to your director right now?

I can go to Milan and speak to him.

But Milan is very far away, you know.

We'll go there together some day, all right?

All right.

Okay, sweetheart. I have to go now.

I love you, sweetie.

-Bye, Daddy. -Bye, cutie.

Maria Teresa, you need to stay strong.

Stay calm and don't worry, everything's gonna be fine, trust me.

Yes, well, I don't know how to explain it.

All I know is that there used to be a lot of passengers on this flight.

And now the flight is empty.

As you can see, there's no one here. Not a single person.

Of course, there's an upside to all of this.

The company is saving a lot of money

on the snacks it used to hand out for free on board.

But I don't think that'll be enough to save my job.

How many salaries can you keep paying by just, uh, saving on small snacks?

That is really a great question,

but I don't think anyone can answer for now, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, Milan is packed tonight with hundreds of soccer fans

who came to watch the Inter-Palermo showdown.

In fact, we could even say Palermo-Inter,

given the amount of Palermo soccer fans in the city right now,

the unexpected crowd of southerners is now heading to the stadium.

Speaking of southerners, we'll now go to Sicily,

where some curious events have drawn citizens' attention

as holiday season is just around the corner.

-Our correspondent is joining us live. -Yes, indeed.

Today seems like the perfect beach day here in Sicily,

where you can go for a swim even in December.

But there's nothing new about that.

The real surprise is the number of Milanese swimmers down here.

Hey!

Uh, yes because Sicily has amazing sea air,

and I think we should make better use of it.

-I agree! Well said! -Good. Very good.

Oh, you Milanese! Go back to where you came from!

We can't accept all of you, okay?

I love how they mumble down here!

Are you fucking kidding me right now? Go to hell, okay?

Oh, what a beautiful mix of cultures down here!

And now back to you!

Amid all this, we're confident that

our institutions will soon start to provide answers

concerning everything that has been happening lately.

Answers that we'll also start seeking tonight...

President, sir...

...during our live coverage...

... maybe the time has come to find out

what's truly behind this unusual situation.

You're right, Uzeda.

...firsthand accounts...

Summon all the ministers. Where are they anyway?

-In a meeting. -Go get them, now.

Now, I said!

...the questions everyone has been asking...

-Emergency meeting. -Really?

The president's calling.

No!

-Come on, this isn't fair. -Let's go.

-Is this for real? -No, seriously? What a pain!

What did I do wrong though?

What is it I did?

What did you do? Nothing.

All you did was find a magical dumpster and use it to spy on Claudia

instead of spending more time with your family.

And because of your jealousy, we ended up getting arrested.

Which made us late for work in Milan,

and that was the perfect excuse for our director to finally fire us.

But you... you don't give up easily,

so you became the Minister of Transport.

-Don't forget about the water thing. -Of course.

A private aqueduct was yet another brilliant plan of yours.

Hm.

So then why am I feeling like I did something wrong?

-Because the human mind is an enigma. -I agree.

Who knows what's going on inside that head of yours?

-Ladies! -Sweetie, did you forgive us already?

Aurora is missing.

-How is she missing? -Missing?

Mr. President, in my role as Minister of the Interior,

an interior we all love,

I still don't think that an airline crisis is my responsibility.

It is the responsibility of the...

Minister of Transport.

If you want me to be in charge of this, I demand two extra deputies.

Otherwise, we just hand over the problem to Europe.

That's why it exists.

Whenever we can't do it, we need help, we return to Europe.

-Right? -I agree.

Well said.

-Bravo! -I agree.

Not because he's my brother-in-law but because he's right.

So this falls under the responsibility of the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

But... Mr. President, let's stop playing games around here!

The most competent minister is none other than you.

Up until today, I've never been accused of being competent!

I'm sorry, I should've known that.

And what if we let the Minister of Baseless Operations handle this.

But, Mr. President, there is no Minister of Baseless Operations.

We could create it! One more, one less, what's the difference?

If we create the Ministry of Baseless Operations,

it should belong to my party.

I don't think so! It should belong to my party

because all we've ever done is implant baseless operations, Mr. President.

-You know me! -No!

-What? -Absolutely not.

-It should be mine. -No, it should be mine.

Calm down. Come on, now.

Quiet. Calm down. How tiring.

Quiet! Quiet!

Mr. President, I have just been told...

that the situation is much, much worse than what we imagined.

Mr. President...

I've discovered something that will forever change the fate of the South.

Anyone else who would've seen this would've thought these guys were thieves.

But I could feel in my gut that it was something else.

We're lucky.

We were able to find these recordings.

I analyzed them closely and found out something quite surprising.

I realized that the two of them never even entered the dumpster.

It's hard to believe, I know, but, um...

it's true.

That's when my intuition kicked in, you know.

I found footage of them in Sicily entering the dumpster

and staying in there for several hours. Look.

-Hand me that. Here. -It's written here.

Look. This is how long they stayed in the dumpster. Doing what? Talking?

-Ah, talking in a dumpster. -Having dinner?

And now... the smoking gun.

They both disappear in Sicily...

and appear in Milan.

Practically at the same time.

Which means there are four thieves...

and they all look very similar!

-Huh? -No.

Well, I don't know then.

Uh, Mr. President, basically, we are dealing with a...

Ah.

...a magical portal.

No!

That they have been hiding who knows where,

and is transporting thousands of citizens from the South to the North

and the North to the South.

But this is an amazing discovery!

Where can I find these two guys?

I wasn't able to track them down in Sicily,

but in Milan, I followed their trail

when they first came out of the dumpster,

as I said.

I narrowed down their location to this area.

The water canals.

Now take a good look at this guy, he's a true servant of the State.

-A hero. -Ah!

A man who's devoted to his work and takes his job seriously.

That could have been us if only we... we hadn't gone into politics.

Our world needs more men just like him, right?

And more dynamite to blow up the truth.

I cannot believe that we've been hiding someone with your capacities.

Why would we lock you up in a basement?

Mr. President, I know you're not like everyone else around here.

It's safe to tell you what I know.

You see, over the years, I've... discovered some sad truths.

Oh, really?

-Uh-huh. -Hm.

The evidence I found proves that...

the abduction of our ex-prime minister, the bombings of the mafia,

the prison escapes of several Sicilian mobsters and their fugitive life,

and dozens of other unresolved mysteries,

well, every single time the State seems to be behind it all.

And if I may, I can prove every single thing to you.

Please.

Send him back to the basement immediately.

Lock him up and seal the door closed forever!

We'll keep these for now, okay?

President.

Why's this stuff still hanging around? What are you supposed to be in charge of?

-Corrupted services, yeah? -Who's corrupting those services?

-The powerful. -The powerful, which means us.

Uh...

Now I have to create a Ministry of Corrupted Services, am I right?

-We could do that. Let's do it. -Let's do it.

That'll fix most of our problems. Get the hell out!

Ciao!

-Please. Please. -Mamma mia.

Not one country in the world can survive without a much poorer south.

Yes!

Can you see our country having equal opportunities for everyone?

-No, absolutely not. -No, no, no.

Go find these dumpsters.

And blow them up.

The neighbors finally answered, but apparently they haven't seen her yet.

What? They haven't seen her?

No, they haven't, but they did see her this morning though.

Well, if they saw her this morning, she's probably not that far.

We saw her this morning, it doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, that's true.

How can I be with a man like that?

Hey, we've got some news!

A friend of mine said he saw her on the road to the fish factory.

-Okay, but was she all right? -I don't know, I didn't see her.

Carmelo, why did you say you saw her if you actually haven't seen her?

But let the man speak!

You, stay out of this, I don't need a lawyer!

A friend said he saw her walking up the road heading to the fish factory.

Where they hid that magical dumpster that brings you to Milan!

Come on, let's go.

The city where it always rains! And there's fog!

Where everyone's rude and doesn't greet you on the street!

With all due respect to you, Claudia, as a Milanese.

-I don't think you get it! -Yes, all right.

We have to act fast! You haven't made any progress since this morning!

-Get a move on! -Nine a.m. tomorrow.

-Get a move on it! -You morons! Check every single canal!

Even those up north!

-Did you get my message?! -I told you to keep looking, okay?

No, no, no. No, darling.

No, I can't, not tonight.

I can't come over. I have to go home to my wife.

I'm in a meeting right now.

With you-know-who.

Yes! Okay, I'll call you later.

I'll call you later. Obviously, yes, my love. See you.

Darling, I told you that...

Oh!

Let's go, Palermo...

Minister, there's a bunch of southerners probably heading back.

What should we do?

-I can't believe my ears. -That's not...

-Any new yet? -Unacceptable!

Mr. President, a bunch of southerners are probably heading back.

What should we do?

Follow the group! What else should we do?

Follow them!

Eh?

Guys, we're entering the building.

Oh! It's about time! Finally, you're here! This is so exciting, goodness gracious!

Oh wow! Hey! Hey! Did you know I own the apartment upstairs?

-It's mine. I own it! -Really? Arrest her!

Arrest me? How's that? Guys, I'm the owner! I own this place!

Stop! Police!

Hurry! Quick!

Stop! Get out!

Get out! Now! Hurry!

Central control, the dumpster smells of tangerine and cinnamon.

What should I do?

-Get in. -Yes, sir!

[officer 4[ Hurry!

PLEASE KEEP QUIET

Move.

Why? What's going on?

What's all this about? We need to get to Milan.

Everyone, step back!

-Have you seen a little girl? -Aurora!

-Excuse me! -Aurora!

Have any of you seen my little girl? Excuse me. Aurora!

-Aurora! I need to get through. -Aurora!

I'm looking for my daughter, she's probably somewhere here.

-Aurora! Aurora, sweetheart! -Aurora!

Sweetie, Aurora!

-Sweetie! -Aurora!

Look! Our baby's doll!

-So what should we do? -Follow me.

LIVE FROM MILAN

Us first. Us first.

-We're men, men always go first. -Okay, whatever.

Okay, we get it. Now go.

Her doll!

Okay, now your turn. Women go second.

Here, use my back as a stool.

What are they doing? Are they getting into the dumpster?

Wait, I'm not in yet!

No!

There were people in there!

How dare they say we never do anything for the South.

Cheers!

Cheers to us!

And to hundreds of other terms like this one!

-Whose hand is this? -Whose do you think? Mine!

Oh, sorry.

Where the hell are we?

Mommy! Daddy!

Sweetheart!

Oh!

I missed you so much!

So did I, Mom! I missed you a whole lot!

-Daddy... -Hm?

I wanted to go to Milan to speak to your director,

so he'll hire you again.

I'm really sorry.

Sweetheart, it's okay.

You guys, where are we? What is this place?

This small seaside community,

better known for its sandy beaches and carefree lifestyle,

has been hit by tragedy.

What are your thoughts on what has happened?

They were murdered! What else can we say? Assassins! There was no need to do that!

Yeah! A lot of people, like myself and those who are dead,

used that portal every evening to go home and have dinner with our families.

But now what?

Why did the government not want us to use it?

Did the government really have to ruin everything?

So no one could have ever imagined

the existence of a portal that could unite the South and the North.

Now, that portal has been destroyed

and, with it, several lives have been lost.

Indeed, authorities have confirmed at the time of the explosion,

two families were inside the so-called magical dumpster.

Among the victims, is a young girl,

said to be the daughter of one of the couples.

This might not be the best moment for another question, yet we all wonder,

could we have avoided such a tragedy?

Whatever. Who cares?

Just a handful fewer southerners!

This is useless.

This place is endless, it leads nowhere.

-Mamma mia. Yeah. -There's no use to keep walking.

-Then what should we do? -Yeah. What should we do?

All this because you didn't tell us the truth.

As if you've always told the truth.

What did I ever not tell you?

Well, I don't know, maybe that you wanted me to leave Milan,

to go work for your father at his fish factory, putting tuna in cans.

I've always backed you up when it came to my parents.

You've always pretended to back me up,

even though you've always agreed with your father.

And speaking of leaving places...

Yeah.

Why is this Gugu still in our lives?

-Oh my goodness, you two are crazy. -Us two?

Not just crazy, but also jealous. Admit it, you're jealous!

-Admit it! -As if I'd be jealous of Gugu.

Yes, you are. If you weren't, then...

Okay, sure. I'm jealous of Gugu.

Is that why you got yourself a lover then?

There is no lover!

So what's with that horrendous cherry perfume you always have on?

-Come on! -Enough already!

I'll say this once and for all, it's lavender and white musk!

You need a nose for things in life!

Real lavender does not smell like that!

Please, guys!

This is all my fault!

For Christmas, I asked Santa Claus to bring you closer together.

But if this means more fighting,

well, then next Christmas, I'll just ask him to keep you apart.

-Oh no, sweetheart. -Cutie, no, don't do that.

My little angel.

Santa Claus doesn't grant those kinds of wishes.

-And me and your dad, we love each other! -Yeah, look!

We're happy. And so are your aunt and uncle.

Sweetheart.

Come here.

-You idiot. -Come on, let's make up.

How could you resist the little wink, huh?

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize Gugu annoyed you so much.

That Guglielmo, sorry, I meant Guglielmo.

But promise me you'll never spy on me again?

Scout's honor, I swear!

Honey, you never were a Boy Scout, huh?

But I swear, my word still counts.

Please try to remember there's a child here.

Mmm! Val, you were right! It's lavender and white musk!

-Finally! Finally! -See, he told you so.

I can't believe you didn't notice earlier.

What matters is that you don't use it for other women...

-So you're jealous too! -I'm not jealous!

-I'm just making sure you use it for me! -I never tried musk or lavender.

-Aw, sweetheart! -You get a kiss too!

You're right, it's lavender and white musk indeed!

-Oh, my little sweetheart! -That's your uncle. He's crazy, right?

-Finally, we're all together again! -United together!

-Forever. -I love you all so much.

Yes, sweetie, forever.

Until we get old and senile and forget who we are,

we'll still love each other.

-Where are you going? -Huh?

-What did you find? -Sweetheart?

Look! I found it!

My drawing, the one I made for Santa Claus!

-Cute drawing! -This is amazing!

-It is! It's your drawing! -Wow!

-Let's go. -Okay!

Careful. Watch out, Val!

Lift me up.

Follow me this way.

I might have the perfect solution for you.

Look at this.

These cabinets might be the perfect fit for the empty space in your house.

We could...

Hello. Sorry.

-Hello. -It's fine, come on, let's go.

-Uh... what? Where... where? -Hi, hello.

-Okay, let's go sweetheart. -Oh, don't mind us.

So they're not actually dead.

Those cabinets are incredible! They're very spacious and convenient!

-Hey, ladies! -Yeah?

You do realize that this is Aurora's drawing, right?

-Of course we realized it, Valentino! -We can't let the government win.

No, we won't.

Dear Sicilians...

and the South,

I have come here to inform you that, unfortunately,

we have to destroy the magic portals.

Since several citizens have noted very dangerous side effects

for their health.

Nonetheless, those portals have helped us discover

that we should no longer consider some citizens as being better than others.

And it's precisely for this reason that I solemnly pledge and promise you...

to get rid of any differences between North and South.

Thank you and Merry Christmas!

I'm always so hungry after a good speech,

especially when lots of people show up, like today.

It's so much pressure. Imagine you say the wrong thing?

Let's get out of here.

What?! We have to start all over?

I thought we blew up the dumpsters?

I thought so too, Mr. President.

Summon the ministers for an emergency meeting, right now!

I don't think it's a good time, it's game night.

Who cares about their game night? Call all of them now. Do it immediately!

-Police! Go, go, go! -What?

-Check everywhere! -Guys, come on! Seriously.

Clear! Clear!

Check every single room.

Nothing here! All clear.

Nothing here either.

Affirmative, we're inside.

Negative, Mr. President. There's nothing.

The house is clear. Let's go.

Hey, Merry Christmas guys, huh?

See you later!

The door!

We could give them the keys since they come three times a day now.

Yeah, I guess we could. Sweetheart, you weren't even scared.

So how's it going? Huh?

-Hey! -These drawings are great! Good job!

Beautiful, sweetie!

Hey, Uncle? Daddy?

What do you think of a bookcase?

-Brilliant! A bookcase is an amazing idea! -Yeah! Brilliant! A bookcase will do.

And a mirror that rotates?

-Yes, awesome, great idea! -Great idea! A rotating mirror is perfect!

And a storage bench!

Another beautiful idea! Good job! And what about a news stand?

Yes! Yes, and a manhole!

Oh, and a breakfast nook, huh?

-And what about a bathroom closet? -And a wardrobe!

Yeah! I've got an idea.

-An outdoor electrical enclosure! -Brilliant!

-Not bad, huh? Go ahead and draw it! -Draw an outdoor electrical enclosure!

What? This is wonderful!

Oh, we're here!

I I'll put it in a little bag, okay?

A bag of almonds for the nice lady, coming right up.

Here you go, a few scoops, right?

-All farm-to-table, love it! -Thank you.

-Here's your bag. -Thank you.

-Thank you! -Thanks.

Guys, I'm back now!

-Mommy! You're here! -Come here!

Hi, Mommy!

Time for dinner!

Yeah, I'm starving!

-Hi, everyone! -Hello, my love.

-How are you? -Great! Happy you're here.

-Is dinner almost ready? -Yes.

Guys! The break is over! It's time to head North.

Already? I'm happy here!

Let's go!

All right, let's go.

LIVE ELECTRICAL PANEL

Mr. President! This one is broken!

Mr. President, this one isn't working either.

There's probably a switch or a button somewhere

that you press for it to work.

-Keep looking, okay? -Yeah!

Or a lever, a power outlet, or a coin slot or something.

We'll pay if we have to. Or maybe there's a magic word.

Open sesame! Yeah?

I'm listening.

Time for payback!

Time for payback! Okay, let's do this, guys!

Here you go, sweetheart.

-There! Perfect! Good job! That's great! -Amazing! Yeah, there!

-High five! -High five, high five!

Merry Christmas!

-Happy Holidays! Cheers! -Cheers! Cheers, everyone!

I have to say, for me, one of the best things

is when our family gets together for a peaceful evening.

-Couldn't be nicer. -For me, spending time with my sweetie.

-I feel a little bit guilty though. -Why's that?

Because you know how I am.

I think we might have gone overboard with the director.

-Huh? -No, Daddy.

A couple of days alone will do him some good.

-Perfect! Well said, Aurora! -Smart child!

-Well said! -My amazing granddaughter!

-Cheers! -To Aurora!

Is there anyone out here?!

I'd even settle for a southerner, please!

Where is everyone?!

Come on, answer me!

I don't know about you guys,

but it seems to me that all's well that ends well, right?

-Let's hope nothing else happens. -What could possibly happen?

Have I ever let you down Val? I don't think so.

-Anything's possible. -Dig in.

No, no, wait, wait, wait!

Before we start eating,

let's all make a nice toast to our amazing Sicily!

-Hey! -That is unlike Milan.

The city where it always rains!

-Aw, Dad! -And there's fog!

-And where everyone acts so cold! -Yes, that's true.

They never say hi!

I'm saying this with all due respect to you, my dear Claudia, as a Milanese!

Carmelo, can I say something?

-Stop it, Claudia. -No, sorry, honey, but I'm saying it.

-To tell you the truth... -Go on.

You aren't very old, Carmelo.

-Eh! -You're a very old dinosaur!

-Sweetie, please. -There, you like it? Oh no!

-Forget about it. -I'm telling the truth, sorry!

You're like the Valley of the Temples, you're as old as its foundation!

-Stop it, Claudia, come on! -No, no, no. Claudia, no.

You're my best friend, but show some respect to my father.

-I'm the one who needs to show respect? -Stop, I can defend myself!

-Do you know what we say in Milan? Huh? -No, please, don't say it!

-I am! -No!

-You're nothing more than an ass ho... -Cheers to us! Cheers to us!

-Let's all calm down! -She was going to say it!

But I have to agree, there is some truth in what they said!

Dancin' and prancin' In Jingle Bell Square

In the frosty air

What a bright time It's the right time

To rock the night away

Jingle bell time is a swell time

To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up, jingle horse Pick up your feet

Jingle around the clock

Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet...

END

That's the jingle bell rock...

SICILY EXPRESS

Jingle around the clock

Dancin' and prancin' In Jingle Bell Square

In the frosty air

What a bright time It's the right time

To rock the night away

Jingle bell time is a swell time

To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up, jingle horse Pick up your feet

Jingle around the clock

Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet

That's the jingle bell

That's the jingle bell

That's the jingle bell rock