All language subtitles for W01E01 Mothers Day_track3_[eng]

[Wind whistling]

[Crow caws]

♪♪

-Sometimes people say to me,
"Joe Bob, you should go to

a remote cabin
and write your book."

I can't write a book
in a remote cabin.

Too much to do.

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-And so yeah, here we are!

Back again to invade
your Friday nights.

I'm Joe Bob Briggs,
and if I'm a little

grumpy this year, it's because
you guys did it to me.

You started messing with
the master plan

of "The Last Drive-In."

Last season, coronavirus hit us,
then civil unrest hit us,

and our plan to make
"The Last Drive-In"

America's problem free zone
became corrupted by

a few of you,
and you know who you are,

griping about stuff unrelated
to the body count

in "Mother's Day."

We are a simple type
of people here.

We come here every week to watch
people getting killed,

terrorized, mutilated,
and eaten.

And we don't need an outside
agitators disturbing

the beauty of that.

And yes, I just revealed
the kick off marquis flick

for season 3 of
"The Last Drive-In."

And we're showing the classic
"Mother's Day"

for several reasons,
which I'll get to in a minute.

But first, let me make myself
absolutely crystal clear.

This year, we will not be saving
the whales on this show.

You can go to
the sports networks for that.

Even though we love the whales,
especially Moby Dick.

Actually Moby Dick proves you
don't have to save the whales.

He killed the whole cast
on his own.

He's the "Death Wish" whale.

He takes care of whale business
in his own whale way.

But we will not be crusading,
debating, lecturing,

or posting memes about whose
fault it is.

We don't care whose fault it is.

We already assume everything is
somebody's fault.

And now that I mentioned
"Death Wish" in the first

major digression of the year,
oh, man, where am I?

We're gonna talk about that
movie later, too, both of them.

The original one and the remake

because I have
a co-host tonight.

Last year, it was Chris Jericho.

Tonight, it's none other
than Eli Roth,

renaissance man, creator of some
of the most amazing kill scenes

in horror history.

Oh, whoops, don't call him
a horror director.

He's one of those guys, he's
no longer a horror director.

But he's actually
a horror historian.

Eli does
the "History of Horror" show

over at our sister network, AMC.

Well, I'm calling it
a sister network.

It's actually
our "Big Brother" network.

It's our massively
bigger than us,

can beat us up at any moment,
sibling overlord.

So we asked if we could borrow
Eli from one of the space age

real studios
that they have over there.

And so they helicoptered him in
from wherever he was.

And we're going to go
mano-a-mano

on history of horror,
"Mother's Day", "Death Wish",

because he he did
the remake of "Death Wish."

And I love the remake.

And of course "Hostel"
and "Cabin Fever"

and "The Green Inferno",

and all of Eli's
very disturbing movies.

Does anybody ever say, "Hey,
I'm going on vacation with Eli?"

No, they do not.
Nobody ever.

'Cause the lesson
of all Eli's movies

is never leave
your house, right?

Anyway, Eli is
in our virtual house tonight.

And of course,
Darcy is in our real house.

[Cheers and applause]
Darcy the Mail Girl,

ladies and gentlemen,
here to accept your tweets,

your e-mails, your DMS,
your Insta posts,

whatever you got.

We even got a lot of
snail mail last season.

Are you ready to do
this, Darcy?

-Hell, yeah. Let's do it.

-Do you think, and I think

I already know
the answer to this,

but I want a woman's
point of view.

Is Eli Roth the most handsome
director in the history of film?

-Shouldn't we judge him
on the merits of his work

instead of his appearance?

-Well, yeah, but I mean,
come on, he's good looking guy.

I mean, the director

is not supposed to be
that good looking.

The director is supposed to be
the guy in the grimy sweatshirt

with, you know, hair that hadn't
been brushed in three days.

But Eli Roth, it's like in the
1960s, somebody said,

"Okay, George Hamilton
is going to direct now."

You know, in the '50s,
you know, "Montgomery Clift,

you're a director now."

You know, they didn't let guys
that handsome direct.

I mean, they tried it one time
with Warren Beatty.

What did we get? "Reds."
We got "Reds" from Warren.

You know, does anybody
remember "Reds"?

Nine-hour movie about
a journalist

in the Russian Revolution?

That's what you get when you let
the good looking guy direct.

But Eli is an actor.

I mean, he could just do that.

He had to go against tradition,
start knocking out hit movies.

Okay, Eli Roth is
in the virtual cabin.

We got him on satellite.

Yuki, you got
this covered, right?

We're going to get Eli
on satellite, I think.

-[Shouts indistinctly]
-All right, but right now,

we're going to watch a movie
that Eli Roth idolizes.

The movie he borrowed from
when he made

his first movie, "Cabin Fever."

And of course, I'm talking
about "Mother's Day",

the wonderful, heartwarming
2016 romantic comedy

starring Jennifer Aniston,
Kate Hudson, and Julia Roberts.

One of Gary Marshall's most
enduring films about

family values and raising
children and -- what?

Really? No, it's not
that "Mother's Day"?

No, it's not
the 2016 "Mother's Day"?

Oh, it's the 1980
Charles Kaufman

sadistic backwoods torture
"Mother's Day"?

Oh, okay.

All right, if you insist,
we'll show that.

But, you know,
I'm glad we picked this one

because I think the scariest
thing you ever find in a flick

is not a goo-faced,
bug eyed monster,

and it's not Freddy Krueger
or Jason or Leatherface,

and it's not a bunch
of skinheads with razor blades.

The scariest thing you find
in a movie is the psycho hag.

[Laughter]

The psycho hag
is a spooky old lady,

and she's the same kind of lady
who rams your grocery cart

for no reason, you know, and
cuts in front of you in line,

and stomps on the shoes
of young girls

with her clunky tennis shoes.

The only difference
in the movies

is that the psycho hag
also has weapons.

You know, the first psycho hag

I ever met was
my sixth grade teacher.

She had so much rouge
on her cheeks,

they glowed like a chipmunk

that's been zapped
with nuclear radiation.

She had those tight lips
with the little lines

all the way around them and hair
that stuck to her head

like a football helmet.

And her favorite thing to say
was, "Joe Bob, all four legs of

your desk must be on the floor
at all times."

But the thing that made
this particular psycho hag

really scary
was that she was relentless.

If she said,
"We are not leaving this room

until somebody tells me
who made the filthy drawing,"

then we didn't leave the room
until she found some weak

Nazi collaborator,
somebody like Sarah Scroggins,

who would break under
the pressure and say,

"Joe Bob did it."

I saw him pass the paper
to Frankie

right before you grabbed it.

And then Sarah Scroggins would
watch me walk to the gas chamber

without even
being bothered by it.

She was probably a psycho hag
in training.

Anyhow, there's a great
tradition of psycho hag movies.

"Whatever Happened
to Baby Jane?"

That may be the very first
horror flick I ever saw.

Bette Davis was
terrifying in that.

And in
"Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte."

Actually, in "Whatever
Happened to Baby Jane",

you had dueling psycho hags.

You had Bette with
Joan Crawford,

and then Joan Crawford
went psycho hag

a second time in
"Strait Jacket."

What are the other great ones?

Oh, "The Night Evelyn
Came Out of the Grave."

Louise Fletcher in
"Flowers in the Attic."

I don't know
if you'd count "Dead Alive."

You know, the mother
who becomes a hideous zombie.

Oh, the movie "Mother."

Diane Ladd and Olympia Dukakis
from -- psycho hag tag team.

"Mother" was one of the greatest
movies ever made in Rochester.

Oh, Ruth Roman!

Anybody remember Ruth Roman?

She had a movie called
"The Baby",

where she didn't want
her son to grow up

so she stunted his growth
and got her two daughters

to help keep him
imprisoned in his crib

well into adulthood.

Classic psycho hag material.

Anyway, "Mother's Day"
is a very early Troma film,

one of the best Troma films.

Directed by Charles Kaufman,

brother of Troma
founder Lloyd Kaufman.

And it's the sensitive story
of a deranged psycho hag

with two brain damaged sons

living in the wilds
of New Jersey.

Yes, that's what I said.

These are New Jersey
hillbillies.

And, of course,
like all flicks in the '80s,

if you go into the woods,

you might not come
out of the woods.

This is one of the few spam in
a cabin comedies from that era.

I mean, I say comedy.

It's a comedy,
and it's not a comedy.

Some people think
it's more horrifying

because they tried
to put jokes in it.

And I think it's modeled

on the Pine Barrens region
of New Jersey,

not far from here,
where you have families

that haven't come out of
those woods for two centuries.

They call it "the deep barrens"
in the movie.

And it was not actually filmed
in the Pine Barrens.

You probably don't want to film
in the actual Pine Barrens.

I don't know. Maybe they're
afraid to go in there.

But it was filmed up
in Sussex County.

Actually, where we are, where
they film "Friday the 13th",

right around the same lake

that was used as Crystal Lake
near Stillwater,

right by the Appalachian Trail.

Am I getting too specific?

Anyway, it was not filmed
in the Pine Barrens,

which is a shame.

You know, I don't
want to do any spoilers

because we're going to go
deep on this one

once Eli gets out here.

So let's look at
the Drive-In totals

and kick this sucker off.

We have 6 1/2 dead bodies,

six breasts,
spike through the neck,

hatchet to the groin,

electric turkey carver
face plunging.

One crazy inspirational
self-help speech,

one head begging ritual
vintage TV to the head,

dead hippies, strangulations,
surprise head hacking,

face licking, fake boob
pool toy suffocation.

Perhaps the only time that
has been achieved in cinema.

Elaborate rape role play.

One weight room prison,
full frontal college flashback,

beer can wilderness tracking,

heavy breathing POV
bush camera,

burlap bag beating,
ax dexterity training,

groin kicking, tree branch
to the face, ear in a box.

Gratuitous belly dancing,
gratuitous banjo foreshadowing,

head rolls,
baby raccoon leg rolls.

Neck brace fu,
multiple cocaine fu,

fruit stand fu,
sleeping bag fu,

watermelon fu, Drano fu.

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for

Beatrice Pons,
in the title role, for saying,

"Darlings, you have made
your mother very proud,

and you will never leave me."

Nancy Hendrickson as Abbey,
for bloodying her hands

to save her soul sister.

Frederick Coffin as Ike,
the alpha inbred enforcer

for saying, "I'm sorry
I shamed you, Ma.

Give me another chance.
I'll kill him good."

And Charles Kaufman,
the director for doing things

the Drive-In way before
embarking on a successful career

as a baker of French
pastries in San Diego.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

Good to be back.

[Cheering]

Even if we are out here
in the woods,

You know, John McPhee.
The Pine Barrens,

John McPhee wrote a book called
"The Pine Barrens"

that every journalist knows
because he went into

the Pine Barrens of New Jersey,
and he described these people

who live one hour
from New York City

and less than one hour
from Philadelphia.

But they have this their own

isolated culture
in the deep woods.

Some of them
don't even have phones,

or they didn't have
phones in 1968,

which is when
that book came out.

And they have a reputation
for being wild and mysterious.

Now, not to be confused
with the Jackson Whites

in northern New Jersey,
in the Ramapough Mountains,

who are supposedly
descended from --

they're descended
from three people.

They're descended from the Brits
who fled the Revolutionary War.

And they married runaway slaves.

And Ramapough Indians.

So they're white,
Black, and Indian,

and they never
leave the mountains,

and they don't believe
in trusting the police

or the Pinay people
of South Jersey.

If a Jackson White killed
a Piney man or vice versa,

nobody would ever know.

[Laughs]

So it's no accident
that so many horror flicks

are filmed right here in Jersey.

Is Eli ready for this?

Did they, you know,
did they send a limo

to take him to wherever
he's going to be on satellite?

I think he's actually --
I'm not making this up.

He is on the Isle of Capri
in Italy

on his AMC expense account,
you know?

Maybe, you know, if he was here,
we could soak him for drinks,

but he's not here.

So if he ever comes here,
Austin, you know, hey,

just pay for a VIP dressing room
or something.

So -- of course we don't have
a dressing room,

but, you know, in the future,
we should have one.

♪♪

[Static crackles]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-All right, dirt bags,
now kiss your neighbor

and say, "Thank you
for sharing with me."

[Indistinct shouting]

-Thank you for sharing with me.
I love you.

-Thank you for sharing with me.
I love you.

-And remember,
once you go out those doors,

don't stop to think
about what you feel,

because once you stop to think
about what you feel,

you doubt what you know.

And once you doubt
what you know,

you can assume
you don't know it.

Why?
Because you don't act on it.

Once you know what you know,
you act on it.

[Cheers and applause]

Now, listen to me.

As of 5:00 p.m.,

right now,

you are all graduates
of E.G.O.

Congratulations!

[Cheers and applause]

-It was beautiful.

With us, based on,
like real love.

And real feelings.

Man, so many feelings,
all of us.

-That Ernie.
His mother must be so proud.

Such a nice boy.

-And it's like we all had
the materials provided inside us

and God handed them down to us.

Charlie, we've got to split.

You know, it takes like
15 minutes to walk

to the bus station.

-Maybe we get a lift
from somebody, huh?

-Charlie!
-Oh, don't be silly.

I was going to offer you
a lift anyways.

It ain't like I was giving
a ride to strangers.

After all we've been through.

♪♪

♪♪

-You know, after this weekend,

I really realized just how
beautiful people are...

underneath.

-Hey, lady, you like music?

-Oh, sure, sure, sure.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Is your husband
waiting for you?

-What?

-I mean, do you live
in the woods all alone?

I'm prying.

It's just that people are
my hobby, right, Charlie?

-Sure.

-Your city folks think because
I'm living out in the way

I'm out of touch, but I say only
happens if you let it.

TV and all, I keep in touch
with everything.

I take what's good
from the city,

and the rest, you can't keep.

And one of the good things is
that nice young man

on the morning news.

I heard all about this here
training from him.

[Car clattering, popping]

Oh!

Damn!

Oh, not again.

Not to worry, honey.
Happens all the time.

-Do you need any help?

-Oh, no, you'll only get
your hands dirty.

Don't you trouble yourself.

[Grunts]

[Door closes]

The hood didn't release.

Can you pull that
doohickey again?

♪♪

-Come on!
-No.

♪♪

♪♪

[Rock music plays]

-Thanks.

♪♪

-[Gasps, screams]

Oh, God!

-[Grunts]

-[Panting]

[Gasping]

-Aaah!

[Groans]

[Grunting]

-Stop it, boy! That's enough.

-Get off!

You too.

-[Gasping]

[Screams]

Please!

Please don't kill me.

Please. What have I done?

-[Chuckles]

-Please.

-Thank you for sharing with me.
I love you.

♪♪

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Groans]

[Groans]

-[Laughs]

-Darlings, you have made
your mother very proud.

[Echoing] Proud, proud, proud...

♪♪

♪♪

-Come on! Wait a minute.

[Cheering]

-Adam, will you sit down?
Come on.

-The library,
would you look at us?

-Taking this roll
last semester before finals.

There she is,
Trina hard at work.

-Jesus! Who took that picture?

You two are real sneaks.

-Ralph!

-Now I see why you two
hit it off so well, Trina.

Look! The dorm!

-That one's from
five months ago.

-Oh!
-Our sign!

-You know, I'm working
on a new sign.

It will take up the whole door,

and our names will be
much bigger.

You know, we should have
calling cards and stuff.

-Oh, look at that one.
-So that after we play a joke

on someone or something,
we can just casually

hand them a card.

-Yeah, like,
"Congratulations, you've just

been goofed on by the Rat Pack."

-Uh-oh.
-Do you really think that

Paul is sick?

-Abbey Warnet, pot head.

-If my mother
ever saw this picture...

-Now we're going to Jackie's
arty slides.

-Ooh, icky! Change the slide.

-Okay, okay. Look, Mr. Conroy.

-That guy was the worst
teacher in life.

-Oh, Jesus, was he ever.

-Jackie, how did you take those
without him seeing?

-Wait, wait, wait. Just watch.

[Laughter]

-Oh, God, look at you!

-My God, the rubber spider.
That one was so great.

-Look at her. She's sleeping
with her mouth open.

-Next morning at 9:00.

-Why am I not not surprised
how immature you two can be

-Hey, what was that?

-The all-American beauty.

-Oh.
-Remember that one?

-Don't be gross, Trina.
What was I seeing then?

Oh, my God.
-Oh, you had a date

after curfew, and we had to
lower you out the window

-Shh!
-And it worked till we get you

all the way to the ground
without a scratch.

-Look, Bill!
-Bill Ford!

Let's keep living together and
having fun, even after college.

-Come on. Can you see us
as 80-year-old roommates?

-At least we can have
Rat Pack reunions.

-I wonder what we will be doing,

you know,
like 10 years from now.

What are our lives
going to be like?

[Laughter]

[Indistinct chatter]

-What's up?!
-Whoo!

-It means a lot.

-We get a lower grade audience.

-Trina, darling, this simply...

-Yee-hoo!
-[Screams]

-There are three rules
in the film business --

distribution, distribution
and distribution.

[Rock music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-Trina, darling, where did you
find all these attractive men?

-Maggie, I simply told them
you'd be here.

[Laughter]

-I want to hors d'oeuvres
cleared in 15 minutes sharp.

And tell Joshua to stop
jerking off in the kitchen

and bring some ice now.

-Yes, ma'am.

-Jonathan, so nice of you
to make it.

-What was it Kubrick said?

The manipulation
of light and color

produces an illusion
of profound intensity?

♪♪

-No, man, you take
the Hollywood Freeway

to Sepulveda,
not Sepulveda Boulevard,

Sepulveda Lane.

-What was it Kubrick said?

-You've got to have gross
points, not net points,

but gross points.

-Did you say gross point?
I'm from Gross Point.

-Frank, your party last night
was just incredible.

-Thank you very much.

-Madame, a telegram for you.

-Who is it?!

-It's me, Mother.

-You didn't lock the door?!

-Yes, mother.

-It's about time
you got home, slut!

Your out whoring around
when you know I have to

take my pills at 6:00.

Don't tell me where you been.

I'm a sick woman!
You know that!

You never do
a damn thing for me.

After all I've done for you!

If I could walk,
I wouldn't ask you for anything!

But I'm a sick woman!
I'm a sick woman!

I'm a sick woman!

Do you hear me?!

The doctors said I need
help at night.

You know that!

He said I should never
be left alone!

But you don't care about
your own mother!

Do you hear me?!
I'm a sick woman!

[Echoing] I'm a sick woman!

-Hi, Winston.

[Ringing]

-Hello, Jackie,
this is your mother.

I ran into Davey Babcock
last night.

You remember.

Now, I'm not pushing him on you,

but your father thinks he's
going to be very successful.

He'll be calling you.
Trust me on this.

I'm your mother.
-Hi, Jackie.

The accountant says
we still file jointly this year,

even with our divorce.

Sorry I never got back to you.

But, uh, you know
how things are.

[Dial tone]

♪♪

-[Gasps]

-[Groans]

-[Laughs]
-You son of a bitch!

I thought you had
something to do today.

-Yeah, but things came up.

Hey, babe, I thought
you'd be happy to see me.

-I am.

I've got to get going.

-That's cool.

Listen, you mind if
I crash here for the weekend?

Thanks. You're a doll.

Is there anything
I can do for you,

help you pack or something?

-No, thanks. I'm all set.

You know, Jackie, I envy you.

-Sure.
-No, really.

I wish I could work
a steady job.

I don't know, sometimes I wish
I wasn't so sensitive.

-Yeah.
-That I didn't have so much

art in me.

You don't realize how hard it is
on a male ego to stay in bed

while his lover
goes off to work.

You know I'd work 9-to-5
if I could, but...

[Sniffs]

...that damn theater
just won't let go.

One question.
Where do you keep your razor?

-Look on the side of
the bath tub.

-Listen, Ted,
I'll be seeing you.

-I love you.

-Alright, take care.

-Have a good weekend, Winston.

-Yeah, sure, I'm supposed to
have a good weekend

stuck here in the city.

-Hey, if you're free for the
weekend, there's a lot going on.

This is New York.

-Free for the weekend?
Free for the weekend?

Free for the weekend?!

I'll never be free as long
as I'm a Black man in America!

-[Singing indistinctly]

-Rockefeller makes
a million dollars a day!

-Rockefeller makes a million
dollars a day!

Rockefeller makes a million
dollars a day!

Rockefeller makes a million
dollars a day!

[Woman continues singing]

[Engine revs]

[Rock music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, you things from the
Hoboken Historical Society?

I've been going for 20 years...

[continues indistinctly]

[Engine revs]

[Horn honks]

-Hey!

You know where a girl
can get laid around here?

-Nice of you to show up, Jackie.

-Jackie!
-God, you look good.

-My cable said we were
supposed to meet at 2:00.

What'd yours say, Abbey?

-Well, mine did say 2:00.

-Hey, you two pills are lucky
I even showed up at all.

-Real nice of you to drop by.

Abbey and I were just getting
into the unspoiled

natural beauty of --
where the hell are we anyway?

-Uh, Rexburg, New Jersey.

-Well, I don't know about
the two of you,

but I'm getting out of here.
-Wait for me.

♪♪

-Now, where are we going?

It can't be
any place around here.

This is awful.
-I'm not telling. It's a secret.

-Are we going skin diving?

-It's so good to be
with you two again.

-Aw!
-I still have that

garnet necklace that
you gave us last year.

-Mine too.
-It's so nice.

-I never take mine off.

-Jackie.
-What?

-You're still wearing your ring.

-Oh, I can't believe it.
That tacky school ring?

-All right. On with the bags.

-Oh, my God. You mean we have
to put these on again?

-Come on, Jackie.

Couldn't we just forget it
this year?

-And have you know
where we're going? Never.

-Oh, pew, Jackie.

What do you keep in these bags?
Kitty litter?

-Just shut up and put the bags
over your heads.

Come on. Both of you.

-Hey, which way do you guys
want to go? Left or right?

I got a decision. Quick.
Come on, quick. Which way?

-You know where we're going.
Got to be left of right.

-Left, right? Right.

No, no, left!

[Tires squeal]

[Banjo playing]

-Pit stop!

-We want beer! We want beer!

We want beer!
We want beer!

[Door closes]

-Hi.

-Thanks, but that'll be
all for today.

How much?

Oh, by the way,
how far is it to Deep Barrens?

-You alone?

-No. With friends?
Two of them.

How far is it to Deep Barrens?

-Why do you want
to go up there, lady?

Don't go messing up
in Deep Barrens.

Oh, look.

-What?

Oh, Jesus!

I thought I told you two
to stay in the car.

-Jackie!

Jackie?

-Aaah!

-[Speaks indistinctly]

God, you guys.

Wait a minute, whoa, whoa.
Hold up.

Both of you. Here we go.

It's all right.
We're all college roommates.

Jesus.

[Clattering]

-Hm.

[Girls laughing]

You get what you deserve,
ya "les-beens"!

You won't be causing
no one no trouble no more!

[Static crackles]

-Yo, Yuki.

[Static]

Uh, yeah, um, Eli Roth is in...

He's actually in Italy.

He's on the Isle of Capri.

Do we got to bounce that baby
off the --

you go over the poles,
you bounce that baby

off the Norway satellite.

-I'm working on it. I'm on it.

-All right, good.

-"Don't go mixing up in
the Deep Barrens,"

says the guy whose job it is
to tell the campers

not to do whatever it is
they're about to do.

One interesting thing about this
movie is that the three stars,

Trina, Abbey, and Jackie,
are known only for this movie.

Jackie, the one with
the creep boyfriend

who never gets a break,
is played by Deborah Luce.

And this is her
only movie role ever.

Nancy Hendrickson as Abbey,
the Chicago woman who has

to take care of the sick mother
who yells at her all the time,

this is her only film credit.

And Trina,
the blonde on roller skates

who runs the pool party
in Beverly Hills,

and I'm not sure what that was.

Are we supposed to think
she runs a high end

escort service or something?

She is played by Tiana Pierce,
who had two other

very small roles
and then left the business.

And by the way, the older
gentleman at the pool party

doing the line of cocaine,
that's Stanley Kaufman,

father of director
Charles Kaufman

and his brother Lloyd Kaufman
as well as Susan Kaufman,

the Kaufman brother's sister,

who serves as production
designer on the film.

This was Kaufman-palooza
out there in the Jersey Woods.

During the slide show
when they're giggling

about their college pranks
and their fun times,

the teacher is Charles Kaufman,
doing his Hitchcock moment,

if you were wondering.

But I'm talking like

I have insider
"Mother's Day" knowledge,

when we have here with us
tonight film historian,

director, writer, bon vivant,
raconteur Eli Roth.

Hi there, Eli.

What I haven't told them yet
is that we're showing

this movie specifically
because you said

it's one of your favorites.

I believe you said
that when you were a kid,

it was the favorite
of the movies you loved,

and you called it at one time
a, quote, "masterpiece."

-That is entirely true.
I stand by all of it.

I believe the film
is truly a masterpiece.

It was for one reason
or another,

I can't explain why it became
my absolute obsession

and favorite movie as a kid.

I showed it at my bar mitzvah.

-Wait!

You showed this movie
at your bar mitzvah.

Why?

-Because I wasn't friends
with any girls

so I couldn't have a dance,
so everyone else

was having dances,
so I rented arcade machines,

and we showed "Mother's Day."

And I have like 5-year-old
cousins from Scarsdale

who were completely
traumatized.

I mean, you have all
the '80s Jewish parents

with the big hair upstairs
and all the kids in the basement

are watching.

Now, I think about it.
and it was just bananas,

but it's sort of because
the movie was so inappropriate

to love, it made us love it
that much more.

-Eli, how many people
were at your bar mitzvah?

How many kids had to see that?

-It was about 40.

I was a little fat Jewish kid,

so it was like 40 or 50
of my super nerd friends.

And my friend Jeff Rendell,
who I wrote my "Mother's Day"

Thanksgiving fake trailer with,

which was very much inspired --
I mean, the Thanksgiving

was very much inspired
by "Mother's Day" --

the font, the letters.

We looked at the lighting
of the way they lit the shots.

I really was trying
to get the "Mother's Day" look,

Jeff got me that videotape
for my bar mitzvah,

and it was like 40
or 50 of us screaming,

cheering, eating pizza,
and I just thought,

[high-pitched voice]
"I'm a man now."

[Normal voice] Like,
this is like being a man is.

-Well, sure.

I mean, "Mother's Day"
is an important rite of passage

for every 13-year-old's first
steps into the adult world.

-Then, of course, I grew up
to meet Charles Kaufman

and ask him all the questions
about "Mother's Day."

It was amazing.

-Now, your first movie
was the great "Cabin Fever."

We love "Cabin Fever" here.

-Thank you very much.

-And you did not go into
the wilds of New Jersey, though,

but you did go into the wilds
of North Carolina,

and you had a few
of the standard

"spam in the cabin" themes.

We call this genre
"spam in a cabin."

You had the stop
at the general store.

-You better get the warning
from the old man.

[Imitating old man] "You get
what you deserve, you lesbians!"

[Normal voice] Like,
"Friday the 13th" had it.

"Mother's Day" had it.

I sat down,
when I wrote "Cabin Fever",

and I watched every cabin movie
and the camp movie,

and I wrote them structurally.

Scene one, packing and leaving,
scene two, the general store.

Scene three,
arrival at the cabin.

Scene four, there's some sex
and hankie panky.

First bit of mischief.

And I noticed that
they all had certain things

in common structurally,
so I really like --

-In other words,
you were shameless.

You were really shameless
about doing the formula.

-Well, I was worried
I couldn't film

90 minutes of dialogue.

It's hard when -- I wrote
it when I was 22.

So I wrote the story
when I was 19,

and then the movie
when I was 22,

and I was like,
"How do you write a movie?"

Well, you basically look at
a blueprint of your

favorite movie and go, "I want
it to kind of be like that."

And then you write
your own characters

and your own personal
experiences into it.

But then I forgot how much
I stole from the movie

until I rewatched it.

I was like, "What if we did
these weird flashes to red?

And then I watched
"Mother's Day",

I was like, "Oh, yeah."

It's like all these little
things that are such deep

programing in your DNA.

It happens like
in every movie you do,

like, you suddenly will go back
and rewatch "Mother's Day"

and be like, "Huh, I completely
took that for 'Mother's Day.'"

-Well, you do. You have
the warning in the woods.

You have the scary rednecks.

What you did not do, though,
is you did not build the story

around the evil redneck
blood lust,

which is what a lot
of these films have.

I think you combined Sam Raimi's
spam in the cabin with

Tobe Hooper spam in the cabinet.

But what I want to know is,
what do you remember

getting specifically
from "Mother's Day"?

-Well, Ike and Addley I thought
were the greatest

characters ever.

And so I do have
some redneck bloodlust

because no one in "Cabin Fever"
dies from the disease.

That's kind of the joke,
is that they die from panic.

They die from shooting
each other,

smash in the face with a shovel.

And they die from pissing off
the locals, the rednecks,

because they come in like
they're much smarter than them.

And then, of course,
they beg them for help.

-Right.
-It's interesting because

I tried to track down
Michael McCleery,

the actor who plays
who plays Addley,

and I really wanted to find Ike.

And Ike, on IMDB, is listed as
Frederick Coffin,

but it is not Frederick Coffin.

The guy's name is Gary --
and I want to say Gary Lockwood.

But it's not.

But a guy I know is like
a crazy "Mother's Day" nut

who tracked down Tiana Pierce,

and apparently she was
having a thing with him.

-With the actor
that played Ike?

-They're like Ike --
Ike and Trina were actually

an item during the shooting.

So she remembers
his name was Gary

and that he was on
"Edge of Night",

which was also starring
Niles McMaster.

So I've been looking
for these episodes

because I believe there might be
a soap opera crossover

between the future stars
of "Bloodsucking Freaks"

and "Mother's Day."

So I have not found it.

-Wow, that'd be a star studded
crossover event

for people like us.

-And then when I met
Charles Kaufman,

then they told me they made
the movie for $150,000.

They shot it at the same lake
where they shot

"Friday the 13th",
literally across the lake,

at the same time.

They had a joint
wrap party together.

Sorry if I'm ruining your facts
you're going to say

about the movie.
-Not at all.

-But I remember thinking, like,

"I want to go in the woods,
make a movie with my friends."

But the pattern, for sure,
was "Evil Dead."

I was like, "Okay, you're
a zombie,

you're with your friends,
you have to kill your friend.

But it's the thing that's inside
of your friend."

And sort of the loss
of control of the body.

-All right, well, "Cabin Fever"
was a hell of a first movie.

I mean, you said you were
inspired by getting a rash

where your skin falls off

during a family vacation
in Iceland?

-Yes, I was working on a horse
farm in Selfoss, Iceland,

when I was 19 years old,
and I was with my brother Adam.

And one night, I'm like
sitting there scratching,

and in the middle of the night,
it's bright like this.

So I'm scratching,
I'm scratching,

and I just felt this weird itch,
and I looked at my hand,

and there were just chunks
of flesh

under my fingernails in my hand.

And so then I went to shave,
and I literally

shaved half of my face off.

-Yikes.
-And I thought,

"Wow, this would make
a really cool horror movie."

And I went to see
a doctor in Iceland.

And if you're ever in
a foreign country at a hospital

where you don't speak
the language,

the last thing you want
is for the doctor

to look at you like...

[Laughter]

Which is exactly what happened.

But thank God it was some
kind of infection.

It was not
necrotizing fasciitis,

which is what I based
the "Cabin Fever" one on.

But I had this ringworm,
and it just tore my face off.

-All right, well, you have
that Icelandic character

in "Hostel."

-Of course.
-You have an Iceland thing.

The only Icelander I ever met

was Gunnar Hansen,
the original Leatherface.

So I guess, yeah,
it makes an odd sort of sense.

Viking stock.
But you're from Boston.

-Yeah. Newton.

-Tell us briefly,
because we have

a lot of filmmakers
who watch the show.

They wonder, how do you find
a million and a half dollars

for your very first feature?

I mean, low budget.

But for our guys,
that's not a low budget.

You had that big cash.

You had money
for special effects.

How did you raise
that first million and a half?

-It was really hard.

I mean, like, raising the money
for a movie is difficult.

Okay, so at 22,
I write the script,

and then I sat down
with a lawyer and I go,

"Can you help me put together,
how do I raise money?"

And I basically went around
to -- I was living in

New York City, I had graduated
film school.

I had my student film,
which was like

a student Academy Award
winner called

"Restaurant Dogs",
which was a Tarantino parody.

I was the original
Tarantino rip off.

And I would show that film
and show my script and go,

"Please give me money."

And for six years,
people said no.

-But you can't take no
for an answer, can you?

-You just have to have a script,
have a plan, have confidence,

and okay, you don't know anyone
who has money.

All right. So what did I do?
I was on sets. I got coffee.

Finally, we met Sam Froelich,
who was a producer

out of North Carolina,
and he's like,

"I can put up
the first $200,000.

We're like,
"Great, let's start."

And then we shot the movie,
and I edited the movie together,

but we still needed $300,000
to finish it.

And there was a group
of investors in Connecticut

that were going to
give us the money.

And we were on
the sound mixing stage,

and we'd been accepted
to the Toronto Film Festival.

We're like, "This is our chance.
We can sell the movie.

What do we do?"
We're in the mixing stage.

They're like, "We didn't
get your money."

We're like waiting for this
wire, and we call this guy.

He's showing it
to his 12-year-old son.

-Oh. Oh, no.

And the 12-year-old kid goes,

"Dad, this is better
than 'American Pie.'"

And he goes,
"Okay, wire the money."

Literally the entire --
my entire career

was in the hands
of a 12-year-old.

It's like something
out of a David Lynch movie,

where you go to see
the cowboy at the ranch,

and he makes a phone call,
and your movie's back on.

But it's what we had to do.
It took six years, though.

-And does it help to go to
NYU or Tisch?

You're supposed to call it
"Tisch" now.

-Tisch School of the Arts.
It helped me.

I mean, here's the thing.

I'm immature now, so you can
imagine me at 18.

The great thing
about film school

is it's a really safe way
to make mistakes.

You know, you talk to Tarantino,

he watch movies
in a video store.

I mean, he's a very
special case.

He didn't need it.
It wasn't right for him.

But for me, I was a kid
that did well in school,

and I liked the structure
of that.

But a lot of the people
on my first movies

and even up through "The House
with a Clock in Its Walls"

are friends that I made
in film school.

-Well, one reason I ask is
that I hosted one

of those Stephen King
Dollar Baby festivals,

you know, where Stephen King
gives student filmmakers

the right to film one of his
short stories for one dollar,

just as long as they don't
release it commercially.

And the kid from
NYU spent $80,000

on a 10-minute short film.

So I go,
"Wow, some of these guys

had resources there, I guess."

-There's always that kid.
That was a big problem.

And in fact, after I graduated,
they put time limits

and money limits because
you'd have these rich kids,

and one kid spend $110,000
on a student film,

and it's like $110,000
piece of crap.

I mean, it was terrible.

I spent maybe 8 grand, 10 grand.

I worked as
a resident assistant,

so I didn't -- I was an R.A.,
so I didn't

have to spend housing money.

So I used that
to make my student film.

I mean, I saved up for years.

-Okay, well which is
better, USC or NYU?

-I liked NYU only because
at USC, it's crazy competitive.

At NYU, everyone shoots.

If you want to make a movie,
you can.

And at USC, everyone pitches,

and only a few projects
get picked,

and those are the ones
that get crewed.

And that, I think,
was for most of the kids,

that was a big thing.

-Well, that actually
makes sense.

All right, let's get back
to the movie.

Roll the film.

And send in your questions
for Eli.

Darcy, get us those questions,

especially if they're about
"don't go on vacation" movies.

Will anybody actually
travel with you, Eli?

-I love travel horror.

I'm really interested
in clash of culture.

I usually have a nice time
when I travel,

but I always think it's all fun
until it isn't.

And you always have that moment
where you walk into a room

and the people stop talking
or they're talking

in their language
and they're looking at you

and you know
they're looking at you.

I think it's just great
opportunities for Americans

to embarrass themselves and get
into all kinds of trouble.

-Well, it feels like people
would think twice

before accepting an invitation
to go anywhere with you.

You know, hey, going to Prague?
I don't think so, Eli.

You know, want to go down
to the Amazon with me?

"Nah, Eli, we'll just have
coffee or something."

-But yeah, the tourist boards
are like,

"Please stop making movies
about us.

Like, just no more. No more."

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

♪♪

♪♪

-All clear.
-You got to be kidding me.

-Come on. We'll never get there.

-Wait a minute.
Let me put this beer can down.

-Oh.

-Whoa.
-How you doing back there?

-[Groans]

Okay.

-Gee, we'll be able to find
our way back from

all these beer cans.

-Oh.
-I'm serious, Jackie.

If we're still in New Jersey,
I must see the Newark Library.

-Oh, hey, did you guys
lock the car doors?

-Jackie, don't be so paranoid.
We're not in a city.

-This is great, Jackie.

-Wait!
-Wait!

I can't bring this.
-No stopping! No stopping!

[Laughter]

-That's awful.

Remember the time when we used
to put Jackie the sleeping bag

when she was gonna meet --
-Yeah, and you almost

dropped me every single time.

Watch it, Trina.

We could hardly pick up that bag
she was so fat.

I noticed you lost
a lot of weight.

-That'll teach me to say things
like that.

-♪ Mountain lodge ♪

-Jackie!

-You make me take one more step,
and you'll be served

with a summons from my
podiatrist when we get back.

-Move to Bev Hills and already
you forgot how to walk.

-Gee, what's Paul Williams
really like?

-Hey, no one's forcing you
to live in these septic tanks.

You've chosen the grit.

-And I have chosen the glamour.

-Watch out! It's bear doodie
over there!

-[Screams]

[Laughter]

-This is gonna be
a long weekend.

[Laughter]

Hey, wait for me!

♪♪

-Welcome to our weekend.

-Oh, Jackie, it's perfect.

♪♪

♪♪

-You mean they don't have them
in Brazil?

-No.

[Coughs]

These weekends are
the only times I ever get

stoned anymore.

-Aren't you getting a little
tired of this whole thing?

I mean, last year's
was ridiculous.

I brought a whole suitcase
of summer clothes with me.

We went skiing.

-What about Budapest?

-Jackie, I told you,
outside the United States,

they don't have marshmallows.

-But it's like the only
really American food.

-Wow!

-Next year's your year, right?

-Yeah. I'm getting a little
bored with this whole thing.

I mean, once a year,
no matter what,

we drop everything
and get together

for our little mystery
weekend together.

Aren't we getting
a little too old for it?

-You wouldn't really think
of not showing up one year,

would you?

I mean, sometimes I think
that these weekends

are the only thing that keeps me
sane from one year to the next.

-Where's Jackie?

-Jackie?

Jackie?
-Jackie?

-Where are you?

-Jackie?

Jackie, are you all right?

[Screams]

-Oh, my God.

-[Laughs]

What's the matter?

Can't I tinkle without
asking permission?

-What, do you always carry
a knife when you take a leak?

-Sure.

It's a jungle out there.

-What are you afraid of?

Being jumped by a gang of wild
Puerto Rican chickens?

Look, Jackie, one weekend
a year, you can relax.

When you're with the Rat Pack,
no one dumps on you.

-Hey, you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

I know how to handle myself.

-Oh, yeah. Like with with...
with -- oh, what was his name?

-Christ.
-Don't bring that up again.

-Yeah, Jackie.
What was his name?

-Dobson.

Brad Dobson.

His name is Brad Dobson...

-But everybody calls him
Dobber.

-Dobber. [Laughs]

What an asshole.

-Goodbye, Dobber.

-You know, I don't know if this
is really the way to do it.

-Jackie, this guy's been
shitting on you for six months.

-There he is!
-Where?

-Oh, God.

-Hey, doll. Give me a kiss.

-Brad, not here.

-Okay, okay, I can wait.

Come on.

This is awesome, babe.
It's awesome.

You know, I once pitched
a no hitter against SC

on this month.

It's the same mound where
you and I are going to be

doing the dirty deed.

-Brad!

-Uh-huh. Yeah.

You know, Jack,
I got to hand it to you.

You held out a lot longer
than most broads.

Showed an amazing
amount of control.

-Hey, Brad,
I forgot the body oils.

-Hey, I thought I told you
you can call me Dobber.

-Yeah, right.

-Hey, we'll be waiting for you.

-♪ Trying to get away
into the night ♪

♪ And then you put
your arms around me ♪

♪ And we tumble to the ground
and then you say ♪

♪ I think we're alone now ♪

♪ There doesn't seem
to be anyone around ♪

♪ I think we're alone now ♪

♪ The beating of our hearts
is the only sound ♪

[Clears throat]

♪ Look at the way ♪

♪ We got to hide
what we're doin' ♪

♪ 'Cause what would they say ♪

[Laughter]

♪ If they ever knew
and so we're ♪

[Laughter]

♪ Running just as fast
as we can ♪

♪ Holding on to
one another hands ♪

-My gosh.

♪ Trying to get away
into the night ♪

-Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to
Well Springs Memorial Stadium.

It's a beautiful night
for our first annual

asshole invitational.

And there off.

Tonight, we're thrilled to
present that guy

who dreams in instant replay,
the biggest asshole on campus,

Brad "Call me Dobber" Dobson.

And there goes Dobson now.

Ladies and gentlemen,
just look at that boy run.

Such flair, such grace.

Have you ever seen
anything like it?

-Oh!

♪ The beating of our hearts
is the only sound ♪

-How rad!

-Pack forever.

-Rats.
-Forever.

-Rat. Pack. Forever.

-Rat. Pack. Forever.
-Rat. Pack. Forever.

[Laughter]

-Oh, poor Jackie.

Men were always
pushing you around.

-Men?

Being pushed around
is the story of Jackie's life.

-You know, sometimes I wish

I still had the Rat Pack
to protect me.

-Remember when we were seniors
and Trina brought in that

calendar with the pictures
of all the men with no clothes?

-Oh, God!

-[Heavy breathing]

-Bet she never saw a naked man.

[Laughter]

-Probably not.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

[Screaming]

Oh!

Trina!

This is...the rest of my life!

[Laughter]

[Shouting indistinctly]

-You guys! Come on!

[Screaming]

[Laughter]

Here, Jackie.

[Laughter]

[Heavy breathing]

♪♪

[Laughter]

-Oh, yeah.

♪♪

Shh.

[Laughter]

♪♪

-You know, we could really
make this place into something.

Six lanes of blacktop
right there to the lake.

Pave that whole area
there for a parking lot.

Maybe a taco stand here.

Some landfill shopping centers.

Casinos.

-Aw, Jackie.

Look at that little fish
over there.

He's so cute.

He's just swimming around
the rocks there. Look.

-Where?
-Underneath the rocks.

Look, he's right
over by your line.

-Aah! I got. Aah!

My God. I got. Wait, wait, wait,
I got him. I got him.

No, you have to do this.
You have to turn him around.

I know. Okay, I remember.
I got it.

-'Cause I thought --
-God, look how big he is!

I don't believe it!
I got him! I got him!

No, I got him, I got him.
Look at him.

Look at him! Look at him!

-Oh, Jackie, you got him!
-Aah!

-Look at him.
What do you think it is?

-Oh, he's beautiful.
What is it?

-I think it's a Boston...

-God!

-[Screams]

-Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

-[Screams]
-He's not gonna bite!

God! No!

-It's a goddamn trout.

-Thanks, Trina.

Thanks, Jackie.

-You're welcome.

-What for?

-I've never thanked you/

-For what?

-For being my friends.

For getting me to do things
I wouldn't do by myself,

for making me feel like
somebody.

-You're welcome.

-But you are somebody, Abbey.

We only let you see that.

[Screams]

-What's going on?!

-Let me out! Get off me!

[Screams]

[Screams]

Jesus! What the hell is this?!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Screaming]

-Jackie, what's happening?!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Indistinct shouting]

-Who is this?!

[Screams]

God damn it!

Stop it!

Aah!

Abbey!

Abbey, are you there?

What's happening?

Jackie?

[Screams]

[Static crackles]

-And so the inciting incident
comes 33 minutes

into the movie
as our three snappy patter girls

are bagged in their
sleeping bags

and dragged deeper
into the Barrens

by two guys who look scary,
mainly because they look crazy.

I think it's that
leather aviator helmet

that Ike wears.

Like Howard Hughes
flying the Spruce Goose.

Where would a Jersey hillbilly
even find that thing?

Which is the point, of course.

I want to mention
a couple of things.

When they go into the woods,
there's a big sign that says,

"Entering the Deep Barrens.
Proceed at your own risk."

Like there are warning signs
on wooded areas.

I mean, maybe there should be,
but that's almost like something

you'd find in
a Roadrunner cartoon.

And then they have
lots of camera breathing.

You know, where the POV camera
sounds like it has asthma.

And correct me if I'm wrong,

but I think the skinny dipping
scene is a direct steal

from "I Spit On Your Grave."

Same shot from the opposite
bank of the river.

But the main thing is, Eli,

this is "Hostel 2", right?

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Of course it's "Hostel 2."

I didn't even think of that,

But "Hostel 2", I wanted
to look like a 1973-74

Sergio Martino giallo film.

I shot it to look like "Torso."

Kind of the opening scenes
with the piazza

and the way he shoots
in the tracking shots

and the telephoto lenses.

But man, now that you say it --

it's weird because there's
such deep programing

from watching that movie
so many times

that I don't realize that
I'm remaking "Mother's Day"

over and over and over.

I swear to you,
I'm not conscious of it.

-Well, you certainly
like the slow build up.

Nothing happens till 33 minutes
in this film.

You like to make us
love the characters

before you destroy
the characters, don't you?

-Well, I think that
we're there for a certain thing,

but if you really take time
to get to know the characters,

you care about it
when something happens to them.

If you've done a good job,
or even if you don't like them,

you know, you're happy
to see them get it.

-And your equivalent of
the leather aviator helmet

would be in "Hostel 1",
those tight, shiny

leather jackets that the guys
in Eastern Europe wear,

you know,
brawny guy, tight jackets.

You do a great job casting guys

that just -- they just
look like killers,

and all they're doing
is getting out of a car

or walking down a hallway.

Do you know
what I'm talking about?

-Oh, I know what you're
talking about,

because first of all, I looked
for Members Only jackets.

I really tried very hard
to find those.

I had a whole thing
where I was like, at first,

I used a lot of crew members.

So there's a guy like named
Karel who has this voice

like this smoking.

I mean, the guy is just amazing,
his voice.

I used him doing the voice
the puppet show in "Hostel 2"

where he's saying
the most offensive things

you can say in Slovak
during the puppet show.

Like, the crew member
couldn't believe that

I was like having children
laughing at the puppets.

I'll meet the weirdest
looking crew member

and be like, "You have to be
in the film."

-Sometimes non-actors, though,
are just the way to go with you.

-Then in "Cabin Fever",
we just wandered around,

like, the big guy who
gets a screwdriver in his ear,

in my Romero rip-off moment,

we found him wandering around
a grocery store,

and it turns out
he had just been released

from a mental institution

for driving his daddy's
tractor 'round town.

But he was very excited
to work with Rider Strong,

who he referred to as
"Boy Meets World."

He's like, "I'm going to be in
a movie with Boy Meets World!"

And I was like,
"Yeah, Boy Meets World

is going to put a screwdriver
through your head."

He's like, "Oh, man, oh, man!"

So often a lot of the people
that are those extras,

that's my favorite part
of making the movie,

is like trying to make
that person famous.

They love it.

-Did you have some bad
experiences in Slovakia

at some point in your life?

Can you even go to Slovakia
safely at this point?

Have they ever invited you
to the Bratislava Film Festival?

And would you trust them
if they did?

-I fully -- I owned it.

I called for a press conference
with every Czech

and Slovak writer,

and I showed the movie,
and I was like,

"I just want to explain myself.

You can all hate the movie,
but this movie is pointing out

the ridiculousness of Americans
rather than Slovakians."

And it actually was
a big hit over there, so...

-Did they buy that?

-They bought it.

-Okay, one "Hostel" question,
and then we'll move on.

Why does an American cost more?

I think I know
the answer to this,

but I've never
heard it explained.

-Well, because the Americans
don't travel as much.

Getting from America
to Slovakia is hard.

You have to find people
with passports,

which is I think now
12% of Americans.

Then you have to find people
that want to travel

and then people
that want to travel to Slovakia.

So it's almost like
that's the rarest thing.

And it's like --

-So Americans are just exotic?

-In Slovakia,
Americans are exotic.

-Because there's that thing
with Europeans,

especially when they're being
really, really nice to you,

that underlying sense
that they would like to kill you

because, A, you're a tourist,
and, B, they think

you're shallow because all
Americans are shallow, and, C,

they're forced to talk to you
because they need your money.

Would you agree with that?

-Yeah, I would.
There's also a thing where

when there's an American room,
there's certain cultures,

like in Chile, when if you're
the American in the room

and you don't speak Spanish,
they'll all speak English,

and, like, they make
accommodations.

They're very polite, the
Europeans and South Americans.

But yeah, it drives them crazy.

And for sure, you know,
that they're thinking like,

"Just give me your money,
you stupid tourist."

-All right.
Do we have your seal of approval

for Charles Kaufman's character
build up?

-I'm all about it.
I love the slow build.

Because, by the way,
you know the audience

is getting mad at you,
and I like that.

I like people going, "When's
this movie going to start?"

Because that's when you get 'em.

-And by the way,
as you probably know,

Charles Kaufman today

is an extremely successful baker
in San Diego.

He makes 10,000 pounds
of bread each day

or 5 million loaves a year,

plus dozens of varieties
of French pastries and pies.

So Charles goes from working
on the "Bob Hope Show"

to porn.

He made a 1977 movie called
"The Secret Dreams of Mona Q",

which features the song,

"I'm Going To Fuck You
Till You Die."

[Laughter]

Lloyd Kaufman ran camera
on that movie.

And then he made a great
thriller called "Jakarta",

which is not nearly as famous
as "Mother's Day."

and then he made
"When Nature Calls" for Troma.

And then he said, "Screw this,
I'm making bread!"

So we had some stuff
flown in for the show.

We had a couple of his
24 varieties of bread,

plus his cinnamon roll,

his banana pecan cake,
a little apple rhubarb,

raspberry pie,
his French macaroons,

his éclairs and his tiramisu.

And we're going to eat
all this stuff

and do Drive-In totals.

And then we're going to have
to answer the question,

was civilization better served

by Charles Kaufman
making bread or making art?

Okay, back to the movie.

Oh, I forgot to ask you about
the Dobber flashback.

The guy who goes full frontal
in the baseball stadium

so the Rat Pack
can make fun of him.

Do we need that
flashback sequence?

-We did not at all,
and that's, in fact,

one of the weirdest
things in the movie,

because you're just like,
"Why is this in there?"

It's such deep character detail.

But that's what I love
about the movie,

is that it's one of these movies
that takes unnecessary

detour after unnecessary detour.

It's sort of like the way,
me when I talk all the time,

so maybe that's why
I relate to it.

-I saw an article one time
where you said

your favorite horror film

is the same as the favorite
horror film of our director,

Austin, which has inspired
much frenzied debate

in the category of
why, Austin, why?

And that movie is "Pieces."

-Hell yeah.
-I love "Pieces."

-Oh, "Pieces" is
a beautiful work of art.

I have a 35 millimeter
print of it.

I love Juan Piquer Simón's
"Pieces."

It's one of my
favorite films of all time.

I actually had a very --
I was with Tarantino,

and we watch "Pieces"
with a friend of his

who had kind of a brilliant

just another --
speaking of detours --

-Man, where are these
Hollywood "Pieces"

screening parties happening?

-Basically, the movie is
about this guy, Kendall Morgan,

the campus stud, and he's
having sex with those women,

and he just discards them.

I mean, just like he's done
with them right after.

And there's the girl
in bed going,

"Oh, Kendall, come back to me."

Meanwhile this person,
Edmund Purdom,

is chopping people up
kind of right

after he makes "Absurd"
with Joe D'Amato.

Another great movie probably
made the same week probably.

-Probably.
-And then at the end,

this body comes back to life
and castrates him.

And it's as if it's the residual
anger of all the women

that he has discarded
coming back

to seek vengeance
on the testicles.

It's kind of brilliant,
or it's just like

some masterpiece,
or it's just like another

piece of crap horror film.

-That is the best explanation
for the rationale

of the "Pieces" plot
that I have ever heard, Eli.

Thank you for that.

You've done
Juan Piquer Simón proud.

We don't all have to agree
on where "Pieces" ranks

in the upper echelons of horror.

But thank you, Eli.

[Static crackles]

♪♪

-Come on, Ike!

-Alright.

Hey, Ma!

Ma, we got some!

[Gunfire on television]

[Whooping on television]

-We got the girls
at Fairview Lake.

-Yeah, and I got
the one that almost got away.

-You did not.
You didn't even get her --

-Ike and Addley!

-Didn't you boys
forget something?

[Gunfire on television]

And?

I swear, sometimes you boys
act just like little savages.

[Laughs]

-Jesus Christ!

What are you crazy out there?!

Let us the fuck out!
Let me out!

Who the fuck are you, anyway?

-Can we open them now, Ma?
Can we open them now?

Come on, slow poke!

-I got two of them, you got one,
for crying out loud.

-That's 'cause you're bigger.
Dumb!

-I'm not dumb.
-You're dumb. You like punk.

-Shut up. Mom don't like you
to call me dumb.

Disco is stupid.

-You stink.

[Gunfire on television]

-Come on, help me with these.

-You're weak.

-All right, Ike and Addley.

Now let's see
what you brought mother.

-Oh!

-Well, let's see her.

-Ah. Ah!

Oh.

-[Chuckles]

-[Whimpers]
-Get on here.

-[Groans]

-Open up.

[Grunts]

-[Muffled scream]

-[Gasps]

-Ah!

-You're a real pretty girl.

-Don't touch me,
you sadistic motherfucker!

[Laughter]

-Don't you do that!

Addley! Addley!

-Get off of me!

God damn it!

Fuck you crazy bastards.

[Grunting]

-We got her now.

-[Muffled scream]

-Hey! Don't you do that to me,
you bitch!

-Ike!

-Ma, I want her first,
her first.

-Not as the first one, dear.

Her first.

-Aw, but, Ma, she kicked me --

-Ike! That's it.

-[Gasps]

-Hold on.

[Grunting]

The ropes.

Come on, we'll put this on you.

-[Laughing]

-Come on.

-[Clears throat]

-[Gasping]

[Gunfire on television]

-Get out of here!

See you later.

[Door slams]

-Have a good day.

-[Speaking indistinctly]

Let's go.

-No!
-Come on!

You don't like that?

-Thank you kindly.

That's real nice.

-Addley, what do you want to do?

-I don't know.
What do you want to do?

-I don't know.
What do you want to do?

-The park bench!
The park bench!

Park bench. Okay, Ma?
The park bench?

-Okay.

You'll have to split it.

-Come on, Ike, come on.

-Right here.
Don't you move.

-[Gasps]

-I haven't done this
in a long time.

-Sit down.

Sit down!

-Alright, alright,
now it's a beautiful day.

You see? You see?!

You're all alone in the park,

sitting on a park bench,
and you're reading

something real good.

-Yeah, like a muscle magazine.

Now read this.

Now, I want you to be
just like this,

your leg there,
and your arm right here, okay?

Okay.

-Oh, that's -- that's
a very naughty girl, Fifi.

Oh, that is a very bad dog,
Fifi!

You don't go to the bathroom
on the poor man's leg.

Bad! Bad dog!

-Please let me go.
-Bad girl!

-Let my friends go.
-Bad girl!

-I don't know what you want.

-Sit down!

Bad dog! Bad!

-[Screams]

-[Whimpers]
-Ma said it was gonna be fun.

-[Whimpering]

-Aren't you?

Get this in there.
Come on now.

[Whistle blows]

-Ike, I saw one of her
hands free over there.

-That was Addley's fault!
That was Addley's fault.

-That was your fault!
-It was your fault!

You know what I was
in charge of?

-I don't care
whose fault it was.

Guys!

I want you to be the best.

You want your mother
to be proud of you, don't you?

Okay, that was good cooperation.

Next. [Claps]

-Let's do the Kojak!

-No, no, the Sniper.
We'll do the --

-I'll decide!
Sit on the side.

Um...

The Shirley Temple.

-Oh, Ma,
I hate the Shirley Temple.

-Now, stop it, stop it,
both of you.

I'm getting me such a migraine
here.

Ike, why don't you get
the Kodak?

-I'll get the Kodak.
-Yeah!

-I'll get the Kodak, yeah.
-Good.

Good boy.

♪♪

-Okay, lady.

Now walk like a little girl.

[Chuckles]

Like a little girl!

[Laughs fiendishly]

♪♪

-[Screams and groans]

[Crying]

-[Grunting]

-Aah!

♪♪

[Continues crying]

♪♪

[Screams]

-Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Bitch! Bitch!

[Spits]

-Uh! Uh!

♪♪

♪♪

[Crying]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Can she stay in our room
tonight, Ma? Huh?

-Yeah, can she, Ma?

-Well, okay.

But I don't want you two
complaining tomorrow

about how tired you are.

♪♪

Ike, you better bolt that door
good tonight.

-Ma, there is nobody
out there --

-Now, you just do as I say.

Queenie's out there.
I just know it.

♪♪

[Static crackling]

♪♪

-Okay, it's kind of hard to
enjoy a Charles Kaufman

chocolate croissant
while watching a Charles Kaufman

inbred-hillbilly-pedophilia-
roleplay rape scene

carried out for the benefit
of a cackling,

sadistic she-demon
played by Beatrice Pons.

Beatrice used a fake name
in the credits

because she was a fairly
well-known comedienne.

She had been in two hit
TV series in the '50s,

"The Phil Silvers Show"
and "Car 54, Where Are You?"

And in both shows,
she was the wife

of comedian Joe E. Ross,

but her career went back
to the 1930s.

She was one of the first women
to do standup.

She had a nightclub act.

She would do impressions
of famous singers

and actors and comedians.

And she really,
really wanted this role,

so she faked her name
to avoid getting caught

by the Screen Actors Guild
and losing her pension.

Eli...

rape comedy.

-Okay.

-What's your position
on this scene?

-Well, it is
an indefensible scene.

There's nothing you can say
about this being necessary.

It's -- it's one of the things
in the movie

that's like --
it's -- it's --

of all the stuff
when you're watching as a kid,

you want the decapitation.

And there's some other things
that come up later in the movie.

But the rape scene, over time,
is reallydisturbing.

It's like -- it's like
one of those things

in "Last House on the Left.

I asked Charles Kaufman,

"What was it like
shooting that scene?"

'Cause that scene is just --
it's so nuts,

it kind of crosses a line
with the audience.

It basically dares you
to keep watching the movie

and kind of says, "This is not
gonna be pleasant.

Like, whatever you thought
this movie was,

this is gonna be
wayworse than you thought."

-Well, it's really a point
of no return for the audience.

-Um, and he said that
Beatrice Pons was really upset.

Like, she went for it
and she did it,

but she was a theater actress

and she just didn't want, you
know, anything to do with it.

That was the scene,
and I think they may have done

some other wider shots
of the double,

but that was the scene
that she did not approve of.

-Yeah, well,
as a student of horror,

what do you think about
the whole rape-revenge genre?

You know, I pointed out earlier
that they were apparently

aware of "I Spit on Your Grave."

They did that shot.

-You know, rape is difficult
because it crosses a line

with an audience
'cause it's so real.

And if you don't
handle it right,

the audience feels like you're
using it as entertainment.

And movies like
"Last House on the Left" --

they're not pleasant
experiences.

And you can tell yourself
it's only a movie,

but it's sort of --

it's like you're kicking
the audience in the balls.

It sort of crosses a line.

It's one of those things
where you're telling a story.

You can do it.

If you're gonna do it,

you better have a strong reason
for putting it in your movie,

and you better be intelligent
about how you handle it,

because even in a movie,

it's not something
that anyone can watch.

Like, look, I think anyone
can do anything in a movie,

but if you're gonna do it,

you better be smart about it,
really.

-Well, you can take things
to extremes,

but you also have a lot
of comic moments in your films.

Do people say
that you cross the line?

I mean, you get to asked
about that a lot?

You know,
"That's not funny, Eli."

-Yeah, well, every time
I write a script,

people go, "You can't do that."

And that's when I keep going.

Or when I'm shooting a scene,

whether it's Heather Matarazzo
upside down,

like, sometimes you don't know.

Like, the gun scene
in "Cabin Fever"

and the N-word joke --
people were like,

"You can't do this."

I was like,
"No, this has to be in there.

This is what happened to me.
This is what it's like.

This is a tension.
This is real.

And this is gonna
pay off later."

So that worked,
and then other times

you do something
and audiences are like,

"This is too much"
where like,

"We can't forgive you
for what you did

to Heather Matarazzo,"
even though you'll see her

doing press before,
during, after

showing you the makeup effects.

-Right.
-The tears are too real.

The girl's screaming
and crying for her mom.

It's too upsetting.

So there's certain stuff
that you want to do

to push an audience to extremes.

But other things
just aren't fun.

And you just got to show people,

otherwise, they're not --
like, I didn't know

I was gonna get killed
for "Hostel II."

I thought it was
the same as "Hostel I,"

but it crossed the line
for people.

And then in "Green Inferno,"
people went with it.

-Well, all right.

We're gonna go back
to the movie and --

oh, I know you were
tweeting along with us

the night we showed
"Cannibal Holocaust."

-Oh, not only was I tweeting,

I was sending videos
to Ruggero Deodato going,

"I'm watching your movie
on cable in America.

This has never happened before."

And, of course,
Ruggero was like,

"Why? Why am not on the show?
Why I am not there?"

-And you made a virtual love
letter to "Cannibal Holocaust"

called "The Green Inferno,"

which just for having the iron
balls to make that movie --

we're gonna talk about that
later.

But we love you for that, Eli.
-Thank you.

-I want to talk about that
later, but first,

have a croissant.

[Laughs]
You can't. Okay. Roll film.

You know, there's always
two ways to do spam in a cabin.

You know, the cast
goes into the woods

and they stay in the cabin

and it becomes a siege movie
like "Evil Dead,"

or the cast is just in the woods

and they get dragged
to the cabin

that belongs to
the deranged family,

like in
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Of the two, I think I pre--
well, you go first, Eli.

You've studied this more.
Which do you prefer?

-Oh, dragged to the house.

I -- for sure.
I mean, look,

I love when you go to the house
and bad things happen,

whether it's "Evil Dead,"
"Cabin in the Woods,"

any of those kinds of movies.

But for me, it's
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Like, you're going
somewhere else.

You take a detour, you stop.

And that becomes, like,
the fatal flaw.

That thing --
that becomes a thing

that's the worst decision
of your life.

-Yeah, I like the cabin
being mysterious,

the forbidden place where
we don't know what's in there.

You have a cabin
in most of your movies.

It may not be an actual cabin,
but it's that forbidden place.

Right?

-We're all making
the same movie.

Every movie I do, I think
will be completely different.

But first it was a cabin,
then it was a hostel.

My last movie was --
then it was a hostel again.

My last movie was about a house.

It's like, you just --
it's the same obsession.

"Green Inferno" it's the cage,
it's the hut.

-That's true.
All forbidden places.

-I love the sense of adventure
of I'm going -- you know,

I'm leaving my comfort zone,
but as soon as you're there,

you wish you had
all the comforts of home.

-Do you camp in real life?

-I did when I was a kid.

I was, like,
really into camping.

You know, I lived in Newton.

It was the safest city
in America.

So I'd sit there,
and everyone's like,

"Oh, let's ride our bikes."

It was like -- it was like
growing up in an Amblin movie.

And I was always thinking, like,

"Well, what happens
when Leatherface shows up?"

-So you lived in the safest
place in the world,

but you went on to destroy
North Carolina tourism,

Eastern Europe tourism,
Vegas tourism,

anything in the Amazon,

and probably
all of Latin America.

You should be proud
of yourself, Eli.

-Thank you. It's weird.
It's -- it's --

yeah, there's not many places
left.

[Laughter]

[Static crackling]

♪♪

-[Crying]

♪♪

-Wake up!
It's me, Big Bird,

and it's time to get up.

Open your little eyes now.

Don't roll over
and go back to sleep.

Come on, now.
One foot out of bed.

-[Grunts]
-Now the other one.

Okay, have a nice day.

And don't forget to...

-Rise and shine, boys!

Rise and shine!

-Wake up!
It's me, Big Bird,

and it's time to get up.

Open your little eyes now.

Don't roll over
and go back to sleep.

♪♪

♪♪

-Mm! Mm.

♪♪

-[Urinating]

[Television playing indistinctly
in background]

♪♪

-[Laughs]

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

[Indistinct] sucks.

-Disco's stupid.

-[Gargling loudly]

[Indistinct] sucks!
Pah!

-Disco's stupid.

-[Speaks indistinctly,
gargles]

[Laughs]

♪♪

♪♪

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

Guys, look!
Look what got away last night.

-Baby raccoon's leg.

-Addley, you're gonna get blood
all over the floor.

Now, give me that.

I'm guessing it ate its way
out of the trap.

[Laughs] Must have spent all
night chewing its own leg off.

-Oh, poor fella.

[Both laugh]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-...yelling, "Take it off,
take it off."

-Finish your cheese spread,
all right?

It's good for the liver.

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

What happened to you girlfriend?

-Uh, she ain't feeling so good
this morning, Ma, you know?

[Laughs] I don't think
she'll be coming down.

-Ah-ah.

[Laughter]

[Cackles]

♪♪

-[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

-We gonna feed
the other two now?

-Okay, but hurry down.
We got to do our exercises.

[Clattering]

My boys.

♪♪

-Breakfast, breakfast,
breakfast, breakfast!

-Hey, looks like my
little babe's been sleepwalking.

-[Screaming]

-You thinking
of going somewhere?

Why, you ain't even ate yet.
[Spits]

-You bastard.
-What do we got over here?

-Where's Jackie?

-Oh, now, she wants to know
where she is.

-[Spits]

-You backwards,
perverted piece of shit.

Aah!

-Addley! I...

-Don't you ever say "backwards"
again.

We city-fied.
You look around!

-Come on, let's go
do the exercises.

Come on, let's go, Ike.

Ike, come on!

Ike, come on!

Come on, Ike.

-Girls are not tied.
They're gonna get away.

We gotta tie them up.
-They're not going no place.

-[Gasps]
-Are you okay?

-Now, come on! Exercises.
Ma wants us, now!

-I think so.

♪♪

-Okay, boys,
now let's get to work!

[Blows whistle]

-Aahhh!

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Aaah!

-[Grunting]

♪♪

-Now take care of the big one,
Ike!

-[Grunts and laughs]

♪♪

-A lot more thrust, son!

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunts]

-Okay, boys,
now take a break.

-Abbey, come over here now.

-[Snoring]

[Television playing indistinctly
in background]

[Continues snoring]

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

-[Laughs]

Ah!

-[Laughs]

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

♪♪

-Yeah!
-Ah!

Oh! Oh! Oof!

[Both grunting and laughing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm gonna get you, Addley!
I'm gonna get you.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Aaah! [Laughs]

[Both grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

-Well!

Look what we've got here.

You sure are frisky, aren't
you?

I'm gonna get you.

Some Burger Bits.

I know you love Burger Bits,

and I know they're good
for you, too.

They've got all the vitamins
and minerals a young pup needs

to grow into a healthy dog.

And you know they're good
for you, too.

Otherwise, the Farmland people
wouldn't put their names on it.

So don't forget,
it's Burger Bits --

B-u-r-g-e-r B-i-t-s --

for a healthy young dog.

♪♪

-Abbey, come on.
We gotta get Jackie.

Abbey!

♪♪

Abbey, come on.
We gotta get Jackie.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Whispering]
Jackie?

♪♪

♪♪

Jackie, where are you?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Belches]

-What'd you do with
my disco magazine?

[Brothers speaking indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

It's Jackie.

Oh, my God.

She's still alive.

Abbey, come and help me
get her out of here.

Abbey.
Abbey, come and help me.

We gotta get out of here.

Oh. Oh.

-Jackie?

-[Gasping weakly]

[Brother continue speaking
indistinctly in background]

-They're stupid!
-They're not stupid.

I'll show you.

-Oh, yeah, now.
-Oh.

[Television playing indistinctly
in background]

-Shut the door.

-With a combination bloodhound,
pointer, and hunting dog,

how could you get lost?

-Trina, I'm scared.

-It'll be all right.

[Television continues playing
indistinctly]

-Wait. She's slipping.

-Ah!

-You watch what you want to
watch and nobody...

-Hey!

[Brothers arguing indistinctly
in background]

-Ma!

[Television channels switching
in background]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

Addley! Get in here!
It's play time!

[Women screaming]

♪♪

Think you were going away
without saying goodbye?

Huh? You're staying here.
-Ike!

-[Screams]

Ike! Addley!
Addley, Ike!

-Okay, let's get her
out of here.

-Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

She'll attack anything.
Anything!

Queenie's in the woods.
I've just seen her.

I don't know what
would have happened to me

if you boy hadn't come along!

-Aw, Ma.

-Your mother
was practically killed

because you left me here
all alone, both of you!

Oh!
-Ma, Ma.

The girls are getting away.
The girls are getting away.

-Just help me up now.

Oh! And never mind the girls.
We'll get the girls.

But you just thank God
that your mother's all right.

[Complaining indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

We can't make it to the car
this way.

I'm sorry, Jackie.

Put her -- put her down.
Here.

[Grunting]

-[Moaning]

-Listen, I'm all right now,

I can handle this.

You go get help.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

-Son of a bitch!

♪♪

[Static crackling]

-By the way, the house
where all this takes place

had been abandoned
for 15 years at the time

Charles Kaufman and crew
took it over

and dressed it up
with pop-culture artifacts,

including the Big Bird
alarm clock

that wakes Ike and Addley
every morning

so they can continue to train
to a fake "Rocky" theme

before setting out
to rape and kill

for the amusement of Mother.

And as I pointed out earlier,
it was Susan Kaufman,

the other Kaufman sibling,

who served as the
production designer/art director

and graffitied the house up
and outfitted it

with all those toys and gadgets
that we sometimes hear about

on 900-number commercials,
the same commercials

that are constantly
playing on the soundtrack.

The obvious implication
is that this insane family

is trying to improve itself,

because when Trina calls Ike

"a backwoods, perverted
piece of shit,"

the only word he objects to
is "backwoods."

Okay, Eli, turning it over
to you.

Any thoughts
on this last segment?

-Yeah, I -- I love
that training montage.

Like, and I also like
the music choices, that...

♪ Do-do-duuuun,
do-do-dun ♪

I asked Charles Kaufman
for copy of the score.

He said it's buried
in his house somewhere.

I've been trying to get it,

but I wanted to get that
[vocalizing]

I loved it -- like, that switch
when they're joking around --

because that's one of the things
the movie does,

is it forces you
to like Ike and Addley.

-That's true.
They really do grow on you.

-Like, they're monsters
and they're hillbillies,

but they're not like the fam--

not like
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Like, you spend so much time
with these guys.

It's one of those movies
like "Maniac"

where you spend too much time
with a killer,

so you start to empathize
with them.

And you're like,
"Okay, if they didn't do that,

they'd be kind of fun."
-[Chuckles]

You do the soundtrack
way too well, Eli.

-It's like deep, deep --
you know, what is it? --

MKUltra programing
for "Mother's Day."

-I also wanted to ask you --
we didn't really talk

about the opening scene
of the movie,

which is a satire
of a self-help seminar

similar to Est
only it's called "Ego."

And everybody hugs and talks
about being transformed.

And the leader of it
is an obvious bullshitter

who's taking their money.

And you have something
parallel to that

in one of your other movies,
"The Green Inferno,"

only it's people
on a college campus

going to meetings about saving

the indigenous peoples
of the world.

And, actually, the whole movie
is kind of an indictment

of social justice warrior
motives.

-And it's about getting involved
in causes

you don't really understand
and vanity activism.

You know, the kids don't want
to save the Amazon.

They want credit
for saving the Amazon.

But I'll tell you something --
that Est opening

in "Mother's Day"
happened to me.

-Really? What do you mean?

-Friend of mine said --
I was at dinner with her,

and she said, "I got invited
to hear this guy speak.

He's this brilliant guy.

There's, like --
my roommate's going."

So I -- we went to this guy,

and he was this very handsome,
charming Mexican guy.

And then they start
passing out these things.

We realized they wanted
$10,000 from everybody

for a weekend therapy marathon.
-Whoa!

-So I started asking questions.
I was like,

"Why would you do that?
You're just tricking -- "

And I -- and the guy starts
getting mad at me,

basically like
I'm a troublemaker.

And I said to this girl,

"We're being recruited
for a cult.

This character, this guy" --
whose name was Alejandro --

"we're being recruited
for a cult."

And she's like, "Really?
But my friends are in it."

We left.
Do you know what it was?

-What?
-NXIVM, the sex cult.

-Oh, wow!
-That's what that was.

So that character, Alejandro,
of the charismatic guy

who has all the answers and
blah, blah, blah --

I wrote it into "Green Inferno."

-I find "The Green Inferno"
to be the hardest to watch

of all your movies,

um, once the cannibalism starts.

And I know you got criticized
by various organizations

for supposedly
perpetuating stereotypes

about wild Indian tribes
in the Amazon.

But the main thing
that impressed me

is you went to a village,

and you screened
"Cannibal Holocaust"

for villagers who had
never seen a movie before.

-I was in [indistinct] Aguirre
where he shot --

last movie that was there was
"Aguirre, the Wrath of God"

in 1972.

And I went with
my Chilean producer

and we just got on a boat
and went up the river,

and then I saw these straw huts.
I'm like, "What is that?"

And they're like
"Oh, that's a village."

And we get off.

And I was, like, the first
white person they'd seen

And it was 300 people
that live in a village,

but they're farmers.

And I said,
"Can we film a movie here?"

And they said, "Well, we got to
explain to them what a movie is,

'cause they've never seen one."

-So how exactly did that work?

-I said to the producer,
Gustavo --

he's like, "We're gonna
come back with a television

and a generator,

and we're gonna show
the village a movie."

And so then I was in Chile,
and they called and they said,

"Hey, guess what?
The village said yes."

I was like, "Oh, what did you
show them?

'E.T.'? 'Wizard of Oz'"?

They said, "Cannibal Holocaust."

-Oh, my God.
[Laughter]

-He was like, "But don't worry.
They thought it was a comedy."

So I said, "Why would you
show them 'Cannibal Holocaust'?"

And they said, "Because we want
them to know how to act."

-Well, sure.
But for their first movie ever?

-The villagers loved it.

I mean, these people made
more money in three weeks

than they had
in years of working.

And we got everyone involved
in the village.

Everyone worked on the movie,
and they loved acting.

I mean, they were
some of the best actors

I ever worked with.

-Well, you would think.
given its reputation

that it's impossible
to do an homage

to "Cannibal Holocaust,"
but somehow you pulled that off,

and you became buddies
with Ruggero Deodato, right?

-I -- I love Ruggero.

I met Ruggero when I came to --
to --

uh, I went to Rome
with "Hostel,"

and I got to meet, like,
Dario Argento,

Ruggero Deodato, Sergio Martino.

I just sought out
all my favorite directors,

screened the movie for them,
had lunch with them,

and Ruggero was so funny
and so warm

and had the best stories
that I wrote a part for him

in "Hostel II"
playing a cannibal.

-Perfect casting. All right.

Well, we're starting to ramp up
the violence in "Mother's Day,"

so let's get back to the movie.

And since you're here with us,
I want to -- I want you

to give us your opinion
of the quality of these kills,

'cause we always
talk about this.

Do you care whether it's
practical effects or not?

-I do.

I do. I prefer practical,

but until it becomes
impractical.

You know, I think that
digital effects, like anything,

is an art form and you really
need an eye for it.

But I also don't just
give it over to a scene

becausethey use
practical effects.

It still has to be a good scene.

-Okay, back to the movie.

And, Eli,

you did that thing that we hate
here at "The Last Drive-In."

You gave an interview
where you said,

"Don't call me
a horror director."

Do you have any defense
for yourself?

-When people use
the term "horror director,"

they use it as a diss,
so that's what I don't like.

It's like that when people say
that you're a horror director,

it's like we don't make
realmovies.

It's like, well, actually,
the movies that I make,

horror movies are the ones
we're talking about

40 years later.

Your "art movies" that are
at Sundance or Oscar winners --

people forget about them
two years later.

They don't make
a mark on culture.

Nobody cares about them.

They're not still running
on television.

"Oh, you make torture porn."

It's like, I made a movie.
Someone else called it that.

I have no control over that.

So it's not like --
I'm not like,

"Don't call me
a horror director!"

I just go, "Okay."

If someone refers to me
as a horror director,

I kind of know what they think
of horror movies, that's all.

It's just a character reveal.

-Okay, well, see, we think
you can bea horror director

and still do other things.

It's a term of honor
in our circle.

Although you made
a children's movie, Eli.

That might be unforgivable.

-It was a children's
horror movie.

If you're 8 years old,
that's a scary movie.

I wanted to do a PG scary movie,
like a Tim Burton kind of film.

-All right, then I -- I guess
we can let that slide.

[Laughter]

[Static crackling]

♪♪

[Wind whistling,
insects chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

[Brakes screech]

-Oh, please stop!

Officer. Officer.

Oh.

Officer, Officer, thank God!

Thank God you're here.

[Sobbing]

♪♪

After us.
-You'll be fine.

You'll be safe.

-They -- they --

-♪ The very first one you meet ♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

-[Singing indistinctly]

-[Screaming]

-[Continues singing]

Oh!

♪♪

[Gunshots]

♪♪

-[Moaning]

-Jackie.

Jackie?

Jackie.

Jackie!

[Sobbing] No!

Jackie!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Panting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Oh!

[Grunts]

-You're not going anywhere now,
bitch!

-[Panting, gasping]

♪♪

[Insects chirping,
labored breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Panting]

♪♪

-[Shouting indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

-[Grunting]

-You bitch!

You're dead now!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Ragged breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Rustling]

♪♪

[Ragged breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Exhales]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunting softly]

♪♪

-[Whooping]
Whoa!

[Grunting, groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

You bitch!

You...bitch!

[Frustrated roar]

[Insects chirping]

[Rusting, gasping]

-Abbey! Are you --

Oh! Jesus! Abbey!
[Gasping]

I c--
I can't...

Je--

We're fucked,
he's the police!

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Wailing]

[Sobbing, breathing raggedly]

-We'll get them.

We'll get those bastards.

♪♪

[Static, folksy tune]

♪♪

-You know, I've always said
that the Kaufman family

will do anything,

Lloyd, especially --
there is nothing he feels

that's beyond
the boundaries of taste.

He'll put babies in gun battles.

He'll make jokes about AIDS.

But I think that here

where Jackie has been
literally raped to death,

I think all the Kaufmans
would agree

the hillbillies have to pay.

What do you say, Eli?

-Yeah, you can't just
get away with that.

You know, even in 1980,
you couldn't just get away.

Let your char--
It's not "Funny --"

"Funny Games"
hadn't been invented yet.

You had to -- if you're going
to do something

that horrible
to the female characters,

the guys have to really,
really get it.

-The actual hillbilly house
for this

was in Newton, New Jersey.

There had been a murder
there many years before,

which is why it was abandoned.

And they also filmed
in Stillwater,

and more importantly,
Blairstown,

which is where
many scenes from

"Friday the 13th"
were filmed.

I'm surprised you didn't go
to these iconic

New Jersey locations
for "Cabin Fever."

-I wanted to shoot,
but North Carolina

was where the money
was coming out of.

So I looked for places

that looked like
"Mother's Day," for sure.

But I did almost make a movie
set in the Pine Barrens.

It's actually
a very bizarre place

with a lot of cool folklore.

-Also, I want to mention
the co-screenwriter,

along with Charles Kaufman,
Warren Leight,

who wrote the immortal
"Stuck on You!" --

a Troma sex comedy

starring Professor Irwin Corey,

if anybody remembers him.

And Warren Leight today is

the chief writer
and showrunner on

"Law & Order:
Special Victims Unit."

What else before we
wind this up?

Oh, the movie was banned
in the United Kingdom

right up until 2015.

Have you been banned
in the UK, Eli?

-Yeah, for sure.

In fact, a member of
parliament in England

tried to make
all press materials

and all material illegal,

anything "Hostel II" related.

So I'd like to thank
MP Charles Walker for that.

I was so happy, I think I wrote
him a thank you note.

It was the best press
I ever got for a movie.

-So the parallels
with "Mother's Day" continue.

It was on Roger Ebert's
most hated movies list.

You know, what was up with
Roger Ebert and horror anyway?

-I remember watching Roger
review "The Children"

and hating that movie --
one of my favorite movies --

another Massachusetts-set
horror movie, great film.

He hated --
Anything that's a great

horror movie, if Roger Ebert
hated it, as a kid,

like "Motel Hell,"
it just made me

want to see it
a hundred times more.

That was like a qualification
as a kid,

for it had to get
the "Dog of the Week."

-Well, there was also a remake
of "Mother's Day" in 2012,

very loose remake
that got rid of all the comedy.

What did you think
of the remake?

-Darren Bousman asked me
to play a character

named Charlie Kaufman in it,
but I was unable to do it.

And I like Darren, but yeah, for
me, the movie is those actors,

like, Ike and Addley
make the movie for me.

-I totally agree --
and so, sum it up for us, Eli,

since you're one of
the world's foremost experts

on "Mother's Day,"

what's the combination that made
it such a groundbreaking movie

in the year 1980?

-In the year 1980,
everything was the slasher POV

and the final girl and the sort
of the Michael Myers shape

or Jason;
the killers didn't talk.

I mean, it's one of the reasons
Dracula endures,

you know, the mummy doesn't
talk, the wolf man doesn't.

Like, Freddy Krueger
kind of changed that in 1984.

-Right.
-'Cause he was a slasher

who spoke --
same thing with Chucky.

But at the time
you weren't watching a movie.

It wasn't a normal movie.

It didn't play by the rules
of normal films

because you're spending
so much time with the murderers,

with the mom and with
the characters, the kids.

So that wasn't normally done.

That wasn't like
"The Prowler,"

where you're guessing
who the killer is.

They're showing you the killer
in broad daylight,

not only are they revealing
who the killer is,

you're learning literally
everything about them

and all of their back stories.

That's what makes it
so different.

And even as a kid, I was like,

there's just something
different about this movie.

-Well, I'm going to have you
write these kill scenes

at the beginning
of the next movie

because we got to
take care of business.

But by now,
we finished off about,

I don't know,
16 different kinds

of Charles Kaufman pastries,
breads and pies.

And so it's time for a verdict.

Austin, is he a better
director...

or Baker?

Oh, your mouth is full, okay!

[Laughing]
I guess we got our answer.

Oh, well, you grew up
in Boston, Eli.

Where would you go to watch
a movie like "Mother's Day"?

Did you ever go
to the old Combat Zone?

Did they have grindhouses
in the Combat Zone?

Something tells me you would
know your way around there.

-By the time I got old enough
to go there, it got cleaned up.

The Combat Zone was still
dangerous when I was a kid,

and there were
grindhouse theaters,

there was a theater
called the Pussycat Theatre.

Now there's like vintage mugs
and t-shirts of it.

But that was the last place

you could go
to see those kinds of films.

-That is such a shame.

-There was one drive-in

that was like way
the hell out there,

and that drive-in
would show movies

like "The Gates of Hell"
or "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

But I really saw these movies
on video

because by the time, you know,
when I was

eight, nine, 10 years old,

looking at
the ads in the newspaper,

I was too young to go.

[Static, folksy tune]

-Grooming, some worshippers say
they love it,

but dermatologists are worried
about the nation's new

year-round suntan craze.

Amy Nevin concludes
her special report,

"Tanning Clinics:
Safe or sorry?"

-What types of reactions do you
get from customers...

[Dice rattling]

-Well, I have everything from,
"Oh, its the most marvelous

thing I ever heard of,
this is what I've been

waiting for all my life," to,

"This is the height
of decadence --"

-Addley, I just doubled ya!

-Ma, I can't with those
girls out there!

-Now, that is Ike's job,
and Ike'll bring 'em back!

Now, come on, Addley,
you gotta always wanna play,

'cause that's polite

-Well, I want
to be out there with Ike!

Getting the girls and stuff.

-Girls, girls, girls --
what about me?

I want someone here with me
when Queenie's on the prowl.

[Chuckles]
And besides,

ain't we havin' fun?

[Laughs]

-Grandma says
Queenie's dead.

-Now, come on, Addley,
it's your roll.

-...healthy looking tan,

save up your money
and go to Jamaica,

or take a trip to one of

New Jersey's
new tanning salons.

-All my life, I ain't never seen
no Queenie.

Ike says you say
Queenie's still alive

just so as you can
keep us around you.

-I try to give you boys
a respectful life,

and this is the thanks I get!

Okay, get out there and have fun
with your brother Ike!

Don't worry about me
being here with nobody around!

-Aw, Ma --
-Addley, my sister Queenie

was evil from birth!

She was the most contrary baby
they ever did see!

Why, she was the only baby
they ever seen

with a full head of long
white hair when she was born.

And you know she broke my neck
while I was still in the crib!

-Yeah, but Grandma says
she shot Queenie after that,

cut off her ear to prove it.

-She swears that
her customers are --

-That ear don't mean nothin'!

I know she set Queenie loose,
'cause I seen her,

livin' like a swamp rat,

feeding off animal waste
and garbage and flesh!

And that no more
than 50 yards away

from where
I am sitting right now!

I saw Queenie outrace
a mongrel wolf

and then rip open its throat
with her bare hands

just so she could
see it bleed!

And you want to leave me here
with nobody around?!

-Aw, Ma, I don't want
to leave you alone.

-Then you will
never leave me.

You just promise me
that you and your brother

will never leave me, ever!

♪♪

-Yes, Ma.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunts]
Ow!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunting]

-I want Jackie to see this.

Jackie, everywhere you turned
in life, you got shit.

Well, now we'll do
the fighting back for you.

It's the only thing we can do.

We can't give up,
we've gotten this far!

Brat...

-Pack...
-Pack.

Forever.

♪♪

-There's a film on your teeth

to the gum and beneath

that can make
any smile look inferior.

♪ For this film
on your teeth -- ♪

-After all my teachin'
and workin' and trainin',

this is what get.

He loses two city gals
in the woods!

[Snorts, scoffs]

-"E," uh, "O,"

"T," "E."

Boat!

I got it, Ma -- Ouija says
they're on a boat!

-Idiot, they can't go nowhere
without the car!

-Addley, you tell your brother
Ike, a hound dog

that comes home with nothing
in his mouth,

should keep it closed.

-Ike, Ma says a hound dog

that comes home...

e-empty handed, should keep...

keep your
big fat mouth shut!

-Shut up, idiot,
I got ears!

-♪ ...if you have got
in your oral... ♪

-Ma?

Well, she fooled me,
I'm all tor up about it, Ma.

I'm sorry, I sh--

I'm sorry I shamed ya, Ma.

Give me another chance?

I'll kill 'em good.

-Addley, you tell your brother

this time
we're going to do it right,

no more police car gags.

You go into the kitchen
and bring me my woods map!

♪♪

-Get the antenna
out of the bag.

♪♪

[Thud]

-Ma?

Ma...?

I'm really gonna make you
proud of me this time, Ma.

I'm gonna make you real proud of
me this time, Ma.

We'll get 'em good.

-Oh, Ike!

Ike!

[Rattling]

♪♪

[Addley screams]

[Muffled screaming]

♪♪

[Muffled screaming,
blood squirting]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screams muffled]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams stop]

♪♪

[Muffled screaming]

♪♪

[Screams stop]

-Come on, Abbey, he's dead.

Let's get him out of here.

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

[Boards clattering]

♪♪

[Ike muttering]

[Trina gasping, groaning]

-You killed my brother!

You killed
my brother!

You killed my brother!
You killed --

[Ike screams, Trina choking]

You killed my brother!

You -- you killed my him!

You killed my brother--

[Ike screaming]

[Gurgling]

♪♪

[Groaning, gasps]

♪♪

[Screams]

[Trina panting]

[Coughing]

♪♪

[Coughing]

[Screams]

[Electricity arcing,
Ike screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Son of a bitch!

[Electricity crackling]

-You wanted him, didn't you?

♪♪

[Trina screams]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Electric knife whirring]

♪♪

♪♪

[Knife whirring]

♪♪

[Door creaking]

[Door creaking]

♪♪

-Insurance companies said today

they'll stop writing policies
on high risk drivers

if the state orders them
to spread out the cost

to other customers.

The word came
from Michael McCabe,

the counsel for
Allstate Insurance,

he's concerned about a proposal
being studied

by the state
insurance department

that would slash premiums in
high risk urban areas

and among young drivers...

[Stairs creaking]

[Reporter continues
indistinctly]

[Screaming]

[Mother laughing]

-Good work, boys!
[Laughing]

Oh, my God!
[Laughing]

Aah! Huh?
What is this?!

No! No! No!

You let me be!
You let me be!

I'm a sick w-woman!

Don't hurt me!
I'm a --

I am a sick woman!

Let me go!
Don't hurt me!

-It's all right! It's all right!
-No! No! I'm a --

I'm a sick woman!
[Echoes] I'm a sick woman!

-We'll take care of you.

-You --

I'm a sick woman!

-We'll take care of you.

-Addley!

-Sure.

We'll take care of you.

Just like we've done
all these years.

-[Coughs]
Let me go!

-Don't worry...

your daughter
will take care of you.

[Muffled screaming]

You stay in bed!

And we'll get your clothes,

and make your food.

and take care of everything!

[Muffled screaming]

You stay in bed!

Why?!
Because you're a sick woman!

I'll take care of you!

And you'll never have to worry
about anything ever again!

♪♪

[Voice echoing]

[Gasping]

♪♪

-Do you hear me?!

Do you
hear me?!

Do you hear me?!

[Screams]

♪♪

[Wailing]

♪♪

♪♪

It just doesn't seem fair.

-There's a reason we survived.

You just have to believe
that much.

-What do you mean?

♪♪

-We were meant to survive,

we were strong, both of us.

And don't ever forget it.

♪♪

[Growling, snarling]

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-Shocking ending to
"Mother's Day."

I love that extra ending,
where Queenie,

which just might be a version

of New Jersey's
most famous monster,

the Jersey Devil, leaps out
of the woods and freeze frames.

Sadly, there was
no "Mother's Day 2."

Okay, I have to admit,
before I saw this movie,

I was unaware of the existence
of giant blow-up party boobs.

And shame on me
for not knowing about that,

but it took Charles Kaufman
to envision

giant blow-up party boobs
as a weapon of death.

My question is, what's the
original use of those things?

Is that a sex toy?

Is it a pool toy?

After searching for them
on several Web sites

and finding out that indeed
they are widely available,

and very reasonably priced,
ranging from, I don't know,

three bucks to 15 bucks
for those things,

I'm convinced that
they're basically used

for amateur theatricals,

like when you need something
extra silly for a party,

mostly purchased
and worn by men, of course.

Anyhow, I think each backwoods
brother gets killed three times.

Addley gets a spike
through the back of the head,

a claw hammer to the groin,
suffocated by being sat on,

Ike gets a can of Drano
dumped into his mouth,

an entire TV set
jammed on to his head,

and an electric turkey carver
all over his body.

Very satisfying --
more satisfying,

I would endeavor to say,

than the inflatable breast
smothering,

which, yeah, I get it.

She's being killed by the symbol
of smothering motherhood

that she herself represents.

We'll talk to Eli about that

when he comes out here
for our next movie.

And we're going to mix it up a
little bit with that next movie.

I have some strong opinions
about that movie,

and so does Eli,

but I think we're probably
on opposite sides of the fence.

So I thought
that might be interesting.

-Darcy, come on over.
Oh, wow!

You got the --
you did the cover.

You did the famous cover
version of "Mother's Day."

-I brought you a present.
-Oh, thank you so much, Darcy,

that's -- Darcy, you are --

you like "Mother's Day," right?

-I do, I love this movie.

And it has male
full frontal nudity in it.

So you're always on a soapbox
about nudity, you love that.

-Yes! There needs to be a lot
more male nudity in films.

-I should have put that
in the Drive In Totals --

two buttocks.

We rarely have buttocks
in the movie,

but now what about the remake?

You always love the remakes.

-Mm, not in this case.
It's pretty bland. -Yeah.

In the flashback scene

with The Dobber

in the baseball stadium,

do you know what song
that was, that they used?

-Unh-uh.
-It's "I Think We're Alone Now"

by Tommy James
and The Shondells,

great bubblegum -- bubblegum
band from Michigan.

You know, Tommy James
and The Shondells?

-I think I know
the Tiffany version.

-Tiffany version?

Tiffany sang,
"I Think We're Alone Now"?

-♪ I think we're along now ♪
Yeah.

-Oh, yeah, okay, well,
the great Tiffany song,

"I Think We're Alone Now."

You don't know Tommy James
and The Shondells,

"Crystal Blue Persuasion,"
"Crimson and Clover."

Come on,
Tommy James was the lead singer

and they were six Shondells,
you know, I mean, over the years

there have been about
197 Shondells,

but originally six Shondells
along with Tommy.

But my point is, I don't know
how the Kaufman family

afforded licensing that song,

'cause "I Think We're Alone Now"
was a number one hit,

especially for a throwaway
flashback scene

in the middle of the movie.

-That's -- that's fascinating.
[Laughter]

-All right.
It's not Weezer.

-No, it is not.
-Okay, well, I have to say

that what you did last year
with the Silver Bolo Award

was truly amazing,
and thank you for that.

People were putting up pictures
of their Silver Bolo

all over the Internet.

And so we're starting off
with that again, right?

Yeah.
-Heck yeah.

-We're going to continue to
honor excellence in horror media

wherever we find it.

And so where did we find it
this first week?

-All right. Well, we found it
in an animated Web series

called "Screaming Soup."

-I've heard of
"Screaming Soup."

-The host of
"Screaming Soup"

is a skeleton cowboy who reviews
horror films,

and he' backed up by a cast of
animated monsters,

weirdos and creepy things.

Their motto is, "We scrutinize,
bastardize and idolize

the horror genre
with our review."

-So it's real horror hosting,
but it's in an animated format.

Is it good animation?
-It's great animation.

-Okay.
-It's halfway between

a Saturday morning cartoon
and what we do on this show.

-Who is the -- in real life,

who is the skeleton cowboy
host of "Screaming Soup"?

-Dan Fowler of, I believe,
Greenville, South Carolina.

-Oh, no, no, no.
-Oh, yeah.

-No, no, no.
You did not do that.

-Yes, I did.

-We're rewarding people
for being from South Carolina

and not -- not -- not
just South Carolina;

Greenville, South Carolina,
you know,

where our director is from.

Austin is from Greenville,
South Carolina.

Anyway, so you agree with this
nepotism that we're doing here?

-It's not nepotism,
they earned it.

It's an amazing Web series.

-All right.
Well, I just and you,

and, um, Yuki,

I want you to take
this silver bolo tie

and make sure that it gets
to Dan Fowler in South Carolina.

And, uh, okay.

Okay, how'd you like Eli Roth?

-I love Eli Roth.
-You know,

this is the first time
we've had a guest stay

for two movies on this show.
-Oh, my God, it is!

We should bring it back
as much as we can.

-What's your favorite
Eli Roth movie?

-"Hostel"!
I love "Hostel"

and I wish you're showing it.

-Okay, well, you know,
he also works

for the big network.

You know, the upstairs guys.

If you go to
the headquarters of AMC,

which is in one of those
giant skyscrapers

next to Penn Station
in New York City,

you know, and sit there waiting
on your appointment,

you know...
[Both laugh]

In the lobby,

they have these
giant display cases

and a bunch
of sculptures and things.

And they have a big mural,

and it has logos
of all the stuff

that AMC owns
all around the world.

And Shudder is like...

"We're one of the logos."

-Maybe we should give them
a Silver Bolo.

-Why would we give them
a Silver Bolo?

-So then we could be
in that bigshot display case.

-Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
They're going to put

the Silver Bolo right next to
the Emmy for "Mad Men,"

or the Emmy for "Breaking Bad"
or "Walking Dead."

Yeah, they're gon--
-Why not?

-Well, they're not going to
do that!

An Emmy weighs,
like, 12 pounds.

-But is it genuine silver?

-Actually, I don't think --
I think it's g--

it's gold color, but I don't
think it's real gold.

-See?
-I can make it gold.

[Shaking spray paint can]

-Okay, Yuki!.

All right.
We'll call on you, Yuki.

All right, that's enough --
congratulations to

"Screaming Soup"
and Dan Fowler,

and this is Joe Bob Briggs
reminding you

to always keep skunks
and bankers at a distance.

The drive-in will never die.

You know the difference between
a golf ball and a G-spot.

-Hmm.
-Come on, humor me.

-Okay, what is the difference

between a golf ball
and a G-spot?

-A man will spend half an hour
looking for a golf ball.

-I'm taking my present back.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Electricity buzzing,
warbling, static]