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[music playing]
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Ha, ha, ha.
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Oh, boy.
4
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:32,683
Danny, Danny, this nose
routine is going to be great.
5
00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:33,946
You know what?
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00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,165
We'll have a big
production number
7
00:00:35,296 --> 00:00:36,210
too with the chorus girls, huh?
8
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,907
Yeah.
9
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,387
We'll go to the drugstore
and get those noses, you know,
10
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,911
those false noses you put
on, those big noses so
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that they'd all look like me.
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Do they sell them that big?
13
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:47,395
Beautiful.
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What's so funny?
15
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:49,875
Hi, sweetheart.
Oh.
16
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,442
I got a brand new piece
of material, honey.
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00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:52,400
It's really great.
18
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,662
Oh, good.
What is it?
19
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:54,706
Just listen.
You'll love it.
20
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:55,577
Wait till you hear it.
21
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:56,665
I will?
22
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:57,622
A ringside seat for the lady.
23
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Ringside table, Madam.
24
00:00:58,754 --> 00:00:59,842
Sit right down, Madam.
25
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,191
Welcome to the Copa Club.
26
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:02,279
Yes.
27
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:05,543
It is called an
Ode to my Nose.
28
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:06,588
What kind of a title is that?
29
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:07,502
Never mind.
30
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:08,416
Now you listen.
31
00:01:08,545 --> 00:01:11,332
[playing piano]
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[SINGING] Sweetest
little smeller.
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What a mighty nose.
34
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:23,344
If it had a spigot, I
could use it for a hose.
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00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,395
I love my nose.
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00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,223
I can't understand why people
talk about plastic surgery,
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wanting to have
their noses fixed.
38
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:36,922
Not me, boy.
39
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,446
I was born with it.
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I'm taking it to my grave
if they can fit it in.
41
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:47,933
Because I always had a
big beak, even as a baby.
42
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,587
I was born with a big beak.
43
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,763
They say the nose was born,
and I just grew on to it.
44
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:57,813
Because one time, my nose got
me in very terrible trouble.
45
00:01:57,943 --> 00:01:59,728
We were taking this boat
trip to Europe, see?
46
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,556
And I stuck my head
out the porthole.
47
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,949
My nose caught the wind
and turned the boat around.
48
00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:11,000
Of course, my father--
49
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,697
my father loved my nose.
50
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,351
Loved me too, but he
loved my nose better.
51
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,091
He would never go
fishing without me.
52
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:17,789
Never went fishing
without me, my dad.
53
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,443
Because when he
didn't catch anything,
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00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,184
he just threw me over his
shoulder and told everybody
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he got a swordfish.
56
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:31,238
You don't think I'm
married to a zombie?
57
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:34,241
How can anyone so
round be so square?
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Har di, har, har.
59
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:37,287
Hey.
60
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:38,549
Hey, honey.
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00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:39,637
Honey, are you
feeling all right?
62
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,073
I feel fine.
63
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,597
Now if you'll excuse
me, I have work to do.
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00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:43,554
Oh.
Wait a minute, Irish.
65
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:44,599
Wait a minute.
66
00:02:44,728 --> 00:02:45,643
Now something is bugging you.
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00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:46,557
What is it?
68
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,906
Nothing's bugging me.
69
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,430
I just don't think
that routine is funny.
70
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:50,430
Oh.
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00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:52,172
Do you hear that, Charlie?
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00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,435
Mrs. Critic here, she doesn't
think the routine is funny.
73
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,393
Well, I have a
right to my opinion.
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00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,656
You have if it's an honest
one, which in this case,
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00:02:58,787 --> 00:02:59,875
it is not.
76
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:01,746
Now that's a funny
routine, honey.
77
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,400
Now something's bothering you.
What is it?
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00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,097
Well, if you really want
to know what's bothering me,
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00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,534
I'll tell you.
- Thank you.
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00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,492
I hate it when you do
jokes about your nose.
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00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:10,190
What?
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00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,843
Well, most of the time when
you work in the nightclub,
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00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:15,151
I feel very proud because
you bring laughter and gaiety
84
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,198
to people, making jokes
about human nature
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00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,112
and society and things.
86
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:23,725
But when you start making fun
of yourself, I just hate it.
87
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:28,295
I mean, you don't have to resort
to self-ridicule to get laughs.
88
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:32,299
Why, you have talent, you have
sensitivity, you have warmth.
89
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,778
You have a big nose.
90
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:36,781
Oh, Charlie.
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00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,261
Stop it.
- I'm sorry.
92
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,002
I was just making a joke.
93
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:41,873
I don't like it when anyone
makes jokes about my husband's
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00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,353
nose, not even my husband.
95
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,228
What's with her?
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00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:51,187
She wants you to throw
that routine out?
97
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:52,362
No, Charlie.
98
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:55,974
It goes a lot deeper than that.
99
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:57,541
I seem to have struck a nerve.
100
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:58,586
Huh?
101
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:05,332
Nice thing to find out
after all these years.
102
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:06,811
My wife doesn't like my nose.
103
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,204
Huh?
104
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:11,120
See, Charlie, she
wouldn't get all upset
105
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,600
about a couple of
nose jokes if she
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00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:15,603
wasn't sensitive about
the subject herself.
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00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,518
She has probably been
self-conscious about my face
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00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,736
for years.
109
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:19,737
She just didn't
want to say anything
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that would hurt my feelings.
111
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:22,827
I bet she's even
embarrassed when
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00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:24,916
she's seen with me in public.
113
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:25,787
Oh.
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00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,179
Come on, Danny.
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00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,399
You're making a
case out of nothing.
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00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,358
I mean, there's nothing
new about your nose.
117
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,621
You had it when you
married her, didn't you?
118
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:35,492
Or did you get married
under an assumed nose?
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00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:41,498
It's different when
you get married, Charlie.
120
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:44,284
You overlook the
defects of your mate.
121
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,503
But as time goes on, you
get used to each other.
122
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,592
The defects stand out more.
123
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,638
You begin to notice
some more, but you
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00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:51,987
hide your annoyance
because you don't
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00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,076
want to hurt the one you love.
126
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:57,471
And it's always there,
undermining your marriage.
127
00:04:57,601 --> 00:05:02,345
And one day, the truth
comes out and poof.
128
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,956
I can't understand
how you're making
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00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,916
such a big thing out of such a
little thing as your big nose.
130
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,053
You know something, Charlie?
131
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,664
I bet it has been
bothering the children too.
132
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:17,578
Oh, stop.
133
00:05:17,707 --> 00:05:18,492
No, no.
134
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:19,797
I bet it has.
135
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,364
Russ!
Rusty!
136
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,582
RUSTY WILLIAMS: Yeah, dad?
137
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:23,932
Would you come
down a minute, son?
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00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,542
RUSTY WILLIAMS: OK.
139
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:27,501
I bet you the kids are
just as self-conscious about
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00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:28,415
my nose as their mother is.
141
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:29,851
Danny.
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00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,113
They probably didn't
want to say anything.
143
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,244
They don't want to
hurt my feelings.
144
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:33,898
Danny, what's the
matter with you?
145
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,117
- Son.
- Yeah, dad?
146
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,118
Come here.
147
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:37,119
I want to talk to you, boy.
148
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,207
What did I do now?
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00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,121
You didn't do anything.
150
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,034
Oh.
151
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:43,299
Just sit down, huh?
152
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:46,650
Now look, Russ, you
know, the hardest
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00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:50,654
thing for a person to do is to
see himself as others see him.
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00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:54,136
And a man of my profession,
well, it's important for me
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00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,965
to get an impersonal,
accurate picture
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00:05:57,095 --> 00:05:58,314
of what I look like to others.
157
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,011
Yeah.
158
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:03,841
I couldn't ask this sort
of a question of an outsider.
159
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,453
Because well, I mean,
you're close to me,
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00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:07,889
and I'd rather ask it of you.
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00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,065
Russ, will you please
put that down and look
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00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,066
at me when I talk to you?
163
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:12,546
Yes, sir.
164
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:16,724
Now look, Russell, even
though I am your father,
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00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:21,816
there must be something
about me that disturbs you,
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00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:26,037
maybe something about
my appearance, my--
167
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,302
what are you looking at?
168
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,522
But Daddy, you told
me to look at you.
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00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,306
But not with pity.
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00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,878
Daddy, do you feel all right?
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00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:43,707
Important thing
is how you feel.
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00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:48,582
Now is there anything
about my face that--
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00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:49,626
that makes you--
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00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,062
Sick to your stomach?
175
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:56,894
Will you please
stay out of this?
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00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:58,808
Russell, look.
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00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:01,725
Well, tell me what is there
about me you don't like?
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00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,813
Oh, no.
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00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,598
You don't.
180
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,600
I'm not going to answer a
question like that on the day
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00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,601
before I get my allowance.
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00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:08,602
Come back.
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00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:11,518
Deal with it.
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00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,519
You'll get your allowance.
185
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:13,824
Now answer me.
186
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,696
What is there about
me you don't like?
187
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:17,480
Now come on, boy.
188
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,482
You can certainly think of one
thing about me you don't like.
189
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:20,657
That's not my trouble.
190
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:21,745
I just don't know
where to start.
191
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:22,746
Cut that out.
192
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,184
Stop being such a wise guy.
193
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,969
That's one of the
things I don't like,
194
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,797
the way you yell
at me sometimes.
195
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,233
That's not what
I want to know.
196
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,626
Well, what do
you want to know?
197
00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,454
He wants to know
why you hate his nose.
198
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,198
I don't hate your nose.
199
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,112
You don't?
200
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,549
Of course, not.
201
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,376
It's a nose, just like
anybody else's nose.
202
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,726
It is?
203
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,989
Well, not just like
anybody else's nose.
204
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,209
I told you it bothers him.
205
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,950
It doesn't bother me.
206
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,430
Well then, why did you say
it's not like anybody else's?
207
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,258
It is.
Only more so.
208
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,870
Why only more so?
209
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,481
Say it, say it.
Come on, say it.
210
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:03,047
Why only more so?
211
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,745
It's the ugliest, most
horrible thing you ever saw.
212
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,573
Looks like a dill pickle stuck
in the middle of my face,
213
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:07,835
right?
214
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,314
What are you
badgering the kid for?
215
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,707
Because I want
to know the truth.
216
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:11,882
That's why.
217
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,057
I want to know how
my family feels.
218
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,189
What's the matter?
219
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,234
Baby, come here.
220
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:19,063
Sweetheart, I want to
ask you a question.
221
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,456
Watch out, sis.
222
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,326
Tomorrow's payday.
223
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:22,371
Get out of here.
224
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,201
I'll find out from the baby.
225
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:28,377
You know what they say,
from the mouths of babes,
226
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,465
you get the truth.
227
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,947
Darling, sweetheart, answer me.
228
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,210
What do you think of
my appearance, dear?
229
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,645
Huh?
230
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:39,475
I mean, what do you
think of the way I look?
231
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,782
I think you look very nice.
232
00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:44,044
Yeah.
233
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:47,527
Well, darling,
that's very sweet.
234
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:51,313
But what-- what-- what do
you think about my nose?
235
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,054
What do you mean?
236
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,143
But do you ever cry yourself
to sleep thinking about it?
237
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:06,110
For the last time, Charlie,
I'm telling you, butt out.
238
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,983
Do you think my
nose is too big?
239
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,201
No, daddy.
240
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,638
I don't think your
nose is too big.
241
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:12,595
You don't?
242
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,379
No.
243
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,251
I just think it looks that way
because your face is too small.
244
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,085
You run along now.
245
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,129
OK.
246
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:29,656
Well, you heard.
247
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:36,358
My face is too
small for my nose.
248
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:38,490
Russ thinks it looks
like a dill pickle
249
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:39,927
stuck in the middle of my face.
250
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,885
You got the opinion of
my family, didn't you?
251
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,192
Now Danny, will you
please stop making
252
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:45,889
a big megillah out of nothing.
253
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,891
Your nose is you.
254
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:51,025
It's a part of your
personality, a big part.
255
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,069
Aha.
256
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,246
You said it.
257
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:56,465
Come on, Charlie, admit it.
258
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,379
Everybody's talking
about my nose.
259
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:58,598
Admit it.
260
00:09:58,728 --> 00:09:59,599
Everybody's talking
about my nose.
261
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:01,035
I admit it.
I admit it.
262
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,993
Every place I go, people
are talking about it.
263
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:06,910
Everywhere, subways, elevators,
taxi cabs, everybody is saying,
264
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,303
Danny Williams has a big nose.
265
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:10,000
Oh, stop being silly.
266
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,088
No, no, no.
267
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,177
You're becoming world famous.
268
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:15,179
They're tearing down the
Leaning Tower of Pisa
269
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,920
and replacing it with
a model of your nose.
270
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,140
Oh, will you get out of here?
271
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,447
And the president just
made a speech about you.
272
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,101
It was in all the nose papers.
273
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,102
Get out of here.
274
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:28,671
I'll tell you something else.
275
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:29,803
You better be careful
because Congress is
276
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:30,934
going to investigate your nose.
277
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:35,417
You're a nut.
278
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,984
Get out of here.
279
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:48,996
What do you think, Dr. Crawford?
280
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,301
It's a big job.
281
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:57,265
I mean, the way you want
it fixed, it's a big job.
282
00:10:57,395 --> 00:11:01,573
You want it shortened, narrowed,
straightened, and tilted.
283
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:05,621
Can you do it?
284
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,144
Well, yes.
285
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,756
But it just won't fit with
the rest of your face.
286
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,148
What would you suggest?
287
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:13,020
Keep the one you've got.
288
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,717
OK.
289
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,851
After the operation, I'll
keep it on the mantelpiece.
290
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,636
Mr Williams, how long--
291
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,987
have you given this decision
as much thought as it deserves?
292
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,293
Look, doctor.
293
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,121
If I think about it,
I'll chicken out.
294
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,122
So what do you say?
295
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:29,689
I don't know.
296
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:31,952
I don't like to rush into
this sort of surgery.
297
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,781
Dr. Crawford, you
don't understand.
298
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,522
This is very important to me.
299
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:41,526
My-- my family is
ashamed of me, and I--
300
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,747
Mr. Williams,
you're exaggerating.
301
00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:48,446
I'm sure your family
isn't ashamed of you.
302
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,231
Look.
303
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:52,189
If you don't want to do this,
I can find a doctor who will.
304
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,626
Oh, I'm sure you can.
305
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,716
Well, all right, Mr Williams.
306
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,239
I will do the operation.
- Good, good.
307
00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,153
Let's get started.
308
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,458
You mean right now?
309
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:01,982
Right now.
310
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,375
Well, Mr. Williams, it
isn't done just that way.
311
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,899
This is surgery.
312
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,596
It requires a lot of
preparation and planning.
313
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,251
But you've got to change my
nose before I change my mind.
314
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:11,643
Now if you don't want
to do it, I'll find
315
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:12,775
some other doctor who will.
316
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:16,779
Mr Williams, Mr Williams.
317
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,215
I'll do it
- You will?
318
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:19,129
Yes.
319
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:20,087
Yes, I will.
320
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,044
Good.
321
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,307
Step this way, please.
322
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,744
Where are we going, Doc?
323
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:25,875
To the operating room.
324
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,014
Is-- is this going to hurt?
325
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,363
No, no.
326
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:36,712
You'll be under a
general anesthetic.
327
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,192
You won't feel a thing.
328
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,020
Now if you'll just
follow me, please.
329
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,556
Was this before or after?
330
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,735
Mr. Williams, if
you want to back out,
331
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,345
this is the time to say so.
332
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,478
No, no.
333
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:04,958
No, I don't want to back out.
334
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:07,874
I-- I owe it to my family.
335
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:08,744
Wait.
336
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:12,704
Doc, make me pretty.
337
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:23,977
Hello, Charlie.
338
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,369
Don't hello Charlie me.
Where is he?
339
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,283
Where's who?
340
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,371
Your husband.
341
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,416
I'll kill him.
342
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:29,809
No.
343
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:32,246
First I'll sue him,
then I'll kill him.
344
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:33,551
He can't do this to me.
345
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:34,944
Where can I get a
replacement for him
346
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,206
with only six hours notice?
347
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,904
Charlie, what are
you talking about?
348
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,209
You don't know what
I'm talking about?
349
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:40,471
No.
350
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:41,821
That nutty husband
of yours just
351
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,170
left a telephone message
with my secretary,
352
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,563
told me that he can't
do a show for two weeks.
353
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:46,956
I should find somebody
to replace him.
354
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,176
Oh, Charlie.
355
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,612
Danny wouldn't do
a thing like that
356
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,048
without telling me about it.
357
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,964
I mean, well, it must
be some practical joke.
358
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,661
He's probably just ribbing you.
359
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,402
Come on, Charlie.
360
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,796
Sit down and relax I'm sure
he'll be home here any minute.
361
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,189
Kathy, I'm not kidding.
362
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,277
If he doesn't do the
show tonight, I'll sue.
363
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,408
I'm going to sue.
- Oh.
364
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:05,932
Come on, Charlie.
Simmer down.
365
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,455
I'm simmering.
I'm simmering.
366
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,065
LINDA WILLIAMS: Mommy,
where are my black shoes?
367
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,588
Oh.
368
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:11,981
Linda is calling me, I'll
be right back, Charlie.
369
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:12,895
Sure, dear.
370
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,375
I'll simmer here.
371
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,898
You've got a show, you've
got people waiting,
372
00:14:16,029 --> 00:14:17,682
you've got tables,
you've got a whole thing.
373
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:18,553
No.
374
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:19,554
Leaves a message.
375
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,904
[door opening]
376
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:22,862
Oh.
377
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:25,603
There you are, funny man.
378
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,127
What kind of message
you got to leave.
379
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,780
You're not going to
make the show tonight.
380
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,260
You and your practical jokes.
381
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:31,871
You scared me almost half-- ah.
382
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,096
Well, what-- what happened?
383
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,751
I had my nose fixed.
384
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,059
You-- you had your nose--
your nose, you mean they had--
385
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,712
they chopped.
386
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:50,933
They cut with a [stammering]
No more like what I love?
387
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,762
That whole thing with the hook.
388
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,285
You're fired.
389
00:14:55,415 --> 00:14:56,852
What do you mean I'm fired?
390
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,201
What for?
391
00:14:58,332 --> 00:14:59,899
Danny, this was a
very stupid thing to do.
392
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,641
Is it stupid for a man to
want to look a little better?
393
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,556
Doctor says I'm going
to be a real cute.
394
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,733
Wonderful.
395
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:12,085
Shave real close, and I'll
make you a chorus girl.
396
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,521
You're fired.
397
00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,001
Now wait a minute, Charlie.
398
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,567
Now you wait a minute.
399
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:17,655
I hired a hook-nosed comic,
and that's what I want.
400
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:18,569
And that's what you're not.
401
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:19,483
And you're fired.
402
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,050
It's OK with me.
403
00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:23,052
I don't have to work
for you soon anyway.
404
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,185
When I'm back with my new face,
I might get into the movies.
405
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,621
[door slamming]
406
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,449
KATHY WILLIAMS: What's
all the racket about?
407
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:29,363
What's going on?
408
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,234
Ah.
409
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:32,540
Oh, what happened?
410
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:33,671
Danny, you were in an accident?
411
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:34,759
No.
412
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:35,673
No?
413
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,197
I had an operation.
414
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,459
I had my nose fixed.
415
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:41,375
You-- you what?
416
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,637
You heard me.
417
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:43,855
I had my nose fixed.
418
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:46,119
You had your nose fixed.
419
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,033
Oh, Danny.
420
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,121
You didn't.
421
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,339
How could you?
422
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,558
I did it for you.
423
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:51,689
You didn't like my old nose.
424
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:52,603
So--
425
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:53,474
Oh.
426
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,215
You fool!
427
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:56,781
Ain't I?
428
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,087
I did it to make you happy.
429
00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:58,958
Oh.
430
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,263
You fool.
431
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,743
You-- Oh!
432
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:05,181
What's-- well, that's
what you wanted, isn't it?
433
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:07,183
What's wrong?
434
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,577
Daddy, why is mom crying?
435
00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:12,623
Ah.
436
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,669
Daddy, you had an accident.
437
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:20,849
No I just had my nose changed.
438
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:21,763
I got a new nose.
439
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,025
You what?
440
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,809
I got a new nose.
441
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,768
What did you do
with your old nose?
442
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,990
It's the same as
my old nose, dear.
443
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,208
It's just that--
444
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,776
I mean, it's still my old nose.
445
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,908
I just made it look new.
446
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,606
But why?
447
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:43,698
Well, I did it so you kids
don't have to be ashamed of me
448
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,091
anymore.
449
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,528
But dad, we were
never ashamed of you.
450
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,704
We love you.
451
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:57,320
Well, but I thought
about the dill pickle and--
452
00:16:57,451 --> 00:17:00,584
Gee, Dad, I wish
you hadn't done it.
453
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:04,545
Son?
454
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:11,334
Gee, I thought everybody
would be happy.
455
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,684
Well, I'm not.
456
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:16,425
You won't be my daddy anymore.
457
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,732
Oh, darling.
458
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,820
Of course, I'll be your daddy.
459
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,650
I'll just be handsome.
460
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:23,954
That's all.
461
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:26,393
But I don't want
a handsome daddy.
462
00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:28,830
I want you.
463
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,355
[music playing]
464
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,144
Kathy.
465
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,841
Kathy, how long can I take
this silent treatment?
466
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,669
For three days, nobody in
this family has talked to me.
467
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,758
I demand that you say
something to me here and now.
468
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:44,933
Excuse me.
469
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,719
Honey, listen to me, baby.
470
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:49,677
Sweetheart, talk to me.
471
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:50,634
I love you.
472
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,245
Oh, you do, do you?
473
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,769
Well, you have a pretty
peculiar way of showing it.
474
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:55,987
Huh?
475
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:57,511
People who love
people don't make
476
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:59,904
a drastic physical
change without consulting
477
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:00,818
those they love.
478
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,298
Well, it's my nose.
479
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,387
I'm allowed to do what I
want with it, aren't I?
480
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:05,997
No, you can't.
481
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,129
You're a part of a family.
482
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,043
You're not a you.
483
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,697
You're an us.
484
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,873
You're a part and parcel
of those who love you.
485
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:14,963
And when you do something to
yourself, you do it to us.
486
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:19,620
I only did it to make
myself more handsome for you.
487
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,710
Oh, you fool.
488
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,364
Do you think there's
only one way of being
489
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,236
handsome, the color ad way?
490
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,239
A face isn't just eyes
and lips and a nose.
491
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:33,721
It's the character and
the personality behind it.
492
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,332
Beauty comes from within.
493
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:39,596
And there was no necessity for
you to change your appearance.
494
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:42,947
I loved you the way you were.
495
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,733
You're making such
a big fuss over it.
496
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,605
Gee, I didn't squawk when
you changed your appearance.
497
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,433
What?
498
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,610
You didn't consult me when you
decided to become a brunette.
499
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,525
Oh, that was different.
500
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,614
I had a very good reason.
501
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,226
I dyed my hair to match
a new evening gown.
502
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:06,797
Well, I changed my
nose to match my shorts.
503
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,284
You're not going
to laugh yourself
504
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,285
out this time, Danny Williams.
505
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,113
[door bell]
506
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,246
Come on, Kathy.
507
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:21,638
You're just making a
big thing out of it.
508
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:22,596
Wait till you see it.
509
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:23,640
You're going to love it.
510
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,164
I know you're going to love it.
511
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,077
Oh.
512
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:26,991
Hello, Mr. Williams.
513
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,297
Hello, doctor.
Come in.
514
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:29,864
Come in.
515
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:30,865
I was in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd drop
516
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,214
by and change the bandages.
517
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:33,868
Well, I'm certainly
glad you dropped by.
518
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:38,220
Honey, children, this is Dr.
Crawford, the wonderful man
519
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,656
who fixed my nose.
520
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,223
How do you do?
521
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,834
I'd like to fix your
nose with a baseball bat.
522
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,227
Here.
Russell.
523
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,837
How would you like
a kick in the shin?
524
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,317
Stop that.
525
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,972
I don't seem to be
very popular around here.
526
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,887
Well, I'm sorry, Dr. Crawford.
527
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:56,238
But it's not your fault. It's
just that we're very upset.
528
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,153
We didn't want
our daddy changed.
529
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,720
Well now, how do you know?
530
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,200
You might like his nose a lot.
531
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,549
That's right.
532
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,812
Because how do you
know unless you see it.
533
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,379
Hey, doc.
534
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,207
Do you think while you're
changing the bandages,
535
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,296
you might give them a
little sneak preview?
536
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,385
Well, under the
circumstances, I
537
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,822
think it might be a good idea
if we gave them a little look.
538
00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:16,215
Just sit down, Mr. Williams.
539
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,651
This will only take a minute.
- All right.
540
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,087
Fine.
541
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,654
Now don't you worry
about a thing, children.
542
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,830
I'm sure you're going to
find that your father has
543
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,048
a beautiful nose.
544
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,224
I can't look.
545
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:26,442
Somebody tell me
how it comes out.
546
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,751
Relax now, children, will you?
547
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,709
I haven't had any
complaints yet.
548
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,494
There we go.
549
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:35,843
There.
550
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:36,713
There we are.
551
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,324
Oh, doctor.
552
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:39,673
It's beautiful.
553
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:40,935
It's gorgeous.
554
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:41,892
It's lovely.
555
00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:43,590
- It is, huh?
- Yes.
556
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,460
You're not kidding me?
557
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:45,374
No.
558
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:46,941
Good, huh?
559
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,290
Really great, huh?
560
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,169
I bet it will even be better
when the swelling goes down,
561
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,214
huh?
562
00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:05,742
Give me a mirror, honey.
A mirror.
563
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:06,787
I want to see it.
564
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:07,614
There's one in that cabinet.
565
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:08,484
Hurry up, hurry up.
566
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,138
I knew what I was doing.
567
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,139
I just knew it.
568
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,009
I told you.
569
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,054
Oh, boy.
570
00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:28,287
I don't get it.
571
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:29,984
You didn't change my nose.
572
00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:33,292
You didn't really want to
change, did you, Mr. Williams?
573
00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:34,205
Oh.
574
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,685
Bless you, doctor.
575
00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:36,991
Oh, daddy.
576
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:38,862
I'm so glad you're
still beautiful.
577
00:21:38,993 --> 00:21:40,690
Me too, dad.
578
00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:41,648
Oh.
579
00:21:41,778 --> 00:21:43,389
I guess I--
580
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:48,698
I mean, we didn't
want it changed.
581
00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:51,788
But I don't understand, doctor.
582
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,007
Why didn't you do it?
583
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:55,705
I rather like nose jokes.
584
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:56,880
It's good for my business.
585
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:04,714
But seriously though, when
you came into my office,
586
00:22:04,845 --> 00:22:07,587
I realized you were under
an emotional strain.
587
00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:09,632
So when I put you
under the anesthetic,
588
00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,417
I faked the
operation to give you
589
00:22:11,547 --> 00:22:12,722
more time to think about it.
590
00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:14,333
Oh, doctor.
591
00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:15,246
How can we ever thank you?
592
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,509
Oh.
593
00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:17,814
It's quite all
right, Mrs. Williams.
594
00:22:17,945 --> 00:22:19,555
Well, I'd better be
running along now.
595
00:22:19,686 --> 00:22:21,949
Doc, thanks a lot.
596
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,820
You're a wonderful man.
597
00:22:23,951 --> 00:22:26,954
[inaudible] You're
a very wise fellow.
598
00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:29,391
That was certainly
the right decision.
599
00:22:29,522 --> 00:22:30,392
Believe me.
600
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,220
It was a difficult decision.
601
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,570
It would have been my
greatest challenge.
602
00:22:41,621 --> 00:22:43,710
Sit down here and
play this for me.
603
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,102
This is silly.
604
00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:46,582
A guy doesn't sing a
love song to himself.
605
00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:48,758
You're not singing
it to yourself.
606
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:50,934
You're singing it for me to you.
607
00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:52,458
Now sit down.
608
00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:53,502
Play.
609
00:22:53,633 --> 00:22:56,375
[music playing]
610
00:22:56,505 --> 00:22:58,638
[SINGING] Don't change.
611
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:03,294
Be as you are.
612
00:23:06,297 --> 00:23:11,172
For as you are, you are divine.
613
00:23:14,523 --> 00:23:18,048
No shame.
614
00:23:18,179 --> 00:23:22,444
I am so proud of you.
615
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:27,884
I am so happy too
that you are mine.
616
00:23:31,758 --> 00:23:33,020
Don't change.
617
00:23:36,545 --> 00:23:40,027
Keep all those charms.
618
00:23:40,157 --> 00:23:45,162
Those very charms,
my arms entwined.
619
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:50,777
Don't change.
620
00:23:54,302 --> 00:23:56,304
Be as you are.
621
00:24:00,830 --> 00:24:10,753
And as you are, you are mine.
622
00:24:14,235 --> 00:24:18,587
[applause]
623
00:24:18,718 --> 00:24:23,897
[music playing]
42544
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