All language subtitles for The.Danny.Thomas.Show.S09E16.The.Big.Fight.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD2.0.H.264_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

DANNY: Genuine
imported champagne.

Fresh off the boat.

Ah.

What about us?

Oh, I haven't forgotten you.

Here we are.

Genuine Elsie the cow.

Fresh off the farm.

Oh, gee whiz.

Well, you may not
appreciate this, Russ,

but your liver will.

All right.
A toast.

Shalom.
- Oh, no, no.

Wait a minute.

Hold it.

I'm the agent who brought
you two fellows together.

Let me give the toast, eh?

All right, Philly boy.

Go right ahead.

We are here to sign
the contract marking

the 10th annual renewal
of Danny's engagement

at the Copa Club.

10 prosperous
years, which started

with the purchase of the
club by my short friend here.

Yeah, as I recall, he was
short about $5,000, which he

borrowed from my mother-in-law.

However, you've got to admit
that he had the good sense

to hire for that
opening engagement

a young comic, unknown
and frightened.

He wasn't as frightened
as the audience.

They were paying.

Oh, come on, Phil.

Finish the toast.

You mean there's more?

For heavens sakes, Lincoln
took less time at Gettysburg.

Let's just drink.
- All right.

Let's just drink.

To us.

You're right.

And now, if you will
step into my office,

we'll proceed with the
signing of the contract.

Children, party's over.

Come on.
Get ready for bed.

RUSTY: OK, Mom.
Good night.

LINDA: Bye, Daddy.
- Good night, kids.

Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.
- Here you are.

Look, I don't know
why Charley and I

have to have a lot of legal
papers, for crying out loud.

Yeah, why can't we just
do it with a handshake?

That's right.

Please, friendship has
nothing to do with business.

Sign.
I've got an appointment.

Oh, Charley's right.

You know, I agree with Danny.

What is with the contract?

We trust each other.

Yeah. what's the difference?
Sign.

Let me read it first.

Oh, sign.

Let's get this over with,
because I have an appointment.

I want to see--

I want to see a comic
by the name of Al Kay

at a place called
the Ace of Clubs.

- Ace of Clubs?
- Yeah.

Hey, hey.

Isn't that that broken down
joint over on the East side?

Yeah, you ever been there?

Yeah, it seats about 40
people, if the seats hold up.

Who's Al Kay?

Oh, he's a new
comic over there.

You know, uses
that sick material.

You know, the kind of stuff.

An hour after you heard
it, you still can't eat.

One of nose.

You really have to go?

I was just going to
serve some coffee.

Yep, I've got to sit
up with a sick comic.

I'll see you lovely
people later.

Bye-bye, agent.

Thanks a lot.

Well, Kath, just a cup
of coffee for us, too.

And then we're
going to have to go.

Why?
What's your hurry?

It's early.

Well, it may be early for
you, but in Bunny's condition,

she needs all the
rest she can get.

No, it's not me.

It's Charley, really.

I got a lot of rest during the
day, but he's so doggone tired.

You know, he's been
working hard at the club.

And no matter how late
we go to bed at night,

he has to get up early.

Oh, just a smidge
of cream, please.

Oh, all right.

Well, I'm sure he doesn't work
any harder than Danny does.

Danny's always
preparing new numbers,

rehearsing new routines.

He probably works
harder than Charley.

Sugar, dear?

Well, now, Kathy,
sweetie, let's be realistic.

I mean, after all,
Charley owns the Copa.

Danny just works there.

KATHY: So?

I mean, Kathy, it's
a little ridiculous.

I mean, after all,
Charley is the employer.

Danny is the employee.

I think it's a little ridiculous
to assume that an employee

works harder than an employer.

I don't see what
difference that makes.

Well, Kathy,
darling, after all,

the tail doesn't wag the dog.

Now, now, Bunny, you
don't have to be vulgar.

Kathy, dear, all I'm saying
is that, after all, an employer

is the person who
hires and fires,

makes or breaks, or
crushes into sawdust

any employee he so desires.

Just a pinch.

Bunny, dear, employees
like my husband

are not easily crushed into
sawdust, because they can

pick up a phone and go to
work at any nightclub they

choose, leaving their employers
nightclub empty, bleak,

and abandoned.

Honey, you don't have to
carry it any farther, huh?

Let's just forget it.

Well, honey, let's face it.

Without you, the Copa
could very quickly become

New York's swankiest stable.

DANNY: Now, Kathy.

Kathy, sweetie.

Uh, Bunny?

Shut up.

Uh-huh.

Dear, I am quite
sure that there

is no one in this entire world
who is a more loyal and devoted

fan to Danny Williams
than I. However, in order

to run a successful
nightclub, you

must be industrious,
intelligent, and foresighted,

which to me is a far
greater accomplishment

than getting laughs
just because you

were born with a comical nose.

Your husband
built his nightclub

on my husband's comical nose.

He had enough room to build
an entire amusement park.

Yes that is so, Kathy.

After all, Charley
works very, very hard.

Hold it.
Hold it.

Hold it.
- What Danny?

What's the matter
with you two?

For goodness sakes.

well, You heard--

You're acting like
a couple of kids.

You ought to hear
the two of you.

What's the difference
whose husband does what?

If our children acted
like this, you'd send them

to bed without their dessert.
- Yeah.

We ought to send them both to
bed without their cold creams.

Shame on you.

I guess I sounded
pretty silly.

You-- you were
worse than she was.

And you?

What are you getting excited?

You're not supposed
to get excited?

You're going to have a baby.
- Oh, my gosh.

I only hope the baby
didn't hear any of this.

OK, Kathy I'm--

I'm sorry.

I guess I just lost my head.

Well, I'm sorry, too, Bunny.

I guess we-- we both got
carried away with pride

in our husband's achievements.

Well, we can't
hate them for that.

Can we, Charley?

Certainly not.

Well, I guess I
better fix more coffee.

I ruined yours with
all that sugar.

Well, listen, I'll
help you, Kathy.

Oh, boy.

[laughs] Women are sure funny.

Yeah.

Why can't women be like us?

Yeah.

And all that fuss
just because my job

is more important than yours.

Now, you don't
really believe that?

Well, yeah.

I mean, what's the difference?

There's a lot of difference.

What's so important
about your job?

You must be kidding.

No, I'm quite serious.

It's like saying,
if a man puts

on a pair of pants three
sizes too big, what's

so important about a belt?

Are you saying that if
I wasn't working for you

my pants would fall down?

Danny, I am not knocking
your contribution.

But?

But.

Oh.

The owner is the
brains, the heart,

and muscle of a nightclub.

What does that make me?

Take any part that's left.

If you don't have an
engagement, my friend,

your Copa would be nothing.

My club is a
New York landmark.

So is the city dump.

My Copa is a showcase.

I make stars.

Yeah, your Copa is nothing.

Stars are born.

Ooh, I would like to show you.

Ooh, would I like--

I wish we didn't sign
that contract in there.

Oh, boy, I would
hire that Al Kay.

And in two weeks, people would
be saying, Danny Williams?

Wasn't he that
busboy at the Copa?

And if I could get that
contract back, buddy,

I'd go play at the Ace of Clubs
and show you how to make it

the most popular spot in town.
What do you think of that?

- That will be the day.
- Yeah?

Well, we can't prove it.

So what's the sense
of yelling about it.

Why don't we make--

Fellas, I'm glad
you're still here.

I forgot to get you to
initial the billing clause

in this contract.
Now, let me get the--

Oh, fine.

I'll be very happy
to initial it.

Here.

What are you doing?

There's my two X's.

Just a minute.

That isn't legal
without my initials.

Hi, Phil.

Isn't he up yet?

No.

He worked very late last night.

Yeah, I know.

I never would have
believed he could

take that joint,
The Ace of Clubs,

and get it jumping
the way it is.

He had to do an extra show
for the hold on the business.

Well, it looks like he
made his point, all right.

Yeah.

Is he taking it big?

I would say so.

Yesterday he tried
to hire a skywriter

to fly over Times Square and
say, I told you so, Charley.

Yeah.

He proved this point, all right.

And all it cost him
was his best friend.

It's a pity.

Yeah, it is.

Well, hi, agent.

Sorry.

Did I wake you up?
- No.

No.

I smelled my new contract.

You got it there?

Yeah, it is.

They've offered you everything
but the kitchen sink.

That they had to take
out to put in more seats.

I'd give anything
to see Charley's

face when he hears about this.

Where do I sign?

Bottom of page three.
DANNY: Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Here's a pen.

Sorry, this pen only
writes with ink.

I know you would prefer blood.

Charley's blood.

What's the big heckle?

Charley wanted the fight,
and I'm giving it to him.

What?

Are you sore
because I'm winning?

Oh, no, no, no.

We think you're just wonderful.

You're-- you're
the great victor,

the all powerful conqueror.

Yeah, go ahead and
sign, Genghis Khan.

What are you giving
me Genghis Khan?

What is it with you two?

What?

Are you sorry because I took
a joint like The Ace of Clubs

and made a classy
nightclub out of it?

No, I'm sore because you
took a classy nightclub

like the Copa and you're
making a joint out of it.

What do you mean?

I mean the Copa
is going broke.

The Copa's going broke.

Yeah.

Oh come off it, Phil.

Well, I heard it reported
that that new comic

opened to a packed house.

That's right.

But the second night, the new
comic ran out of relatives.

Well, if the kid isn't
doing any business,

why didn't Charley let him
go and get Milton Burl,

or Jan Murray, or Joey Bishop?

That would be too simple.

As soon as he did that, he'd
prove that you were right

and he was wrong.

So he's going all the
way with this sick comic.

He's going to prove
he can make a hit out

of him if he has to
take all his jokes

and send him to the hospital.

Come on, sign, will you?

I want some fresh air.

Danny, you've got
to do something.

What do you expect me to do?

I expect you to call
Charley up and tell him you're

sorry this whole thing started.

Call it off.

I mean, Charley's
your best friend.

Haven't you any sentiment?

Me no sentiment?

Holy smokes.

I cry when I accidentally
step on a fly.

Yeah, sure you cry at fly
funerals, but people you swat.

I'm not buying this, Phil.

No, it's incredible that an
institution like the Copa

could go bankrupt in
such a short time.

Why is an incredible?

With the big overhead
that Charley's carrying,

one week's bad business
knocks out months of profit.

It doesn't make sense.
I don't understand it.

I just don't understand it.

What am I arguing
with you for?

Would you please
sign the contract?

You're the all
powerful conqueror.

You crush everything
in your path.

Go ahead.
Sign.

Oh, Danny, you did it.

You actually did it.

Oh, I never want to
speak to you again.

OK.

I'll bring this over
The Ace of Clubs,

but don't bother to pay
me any commissions on it.

How could you be so heartless?

Yeah, he's illiterate, too.

What do you mean?

Look at the way he signed
Genghis Kohn, K-O-H-N.

Oh, honey, I
should have known.

Oh, you big phony.

Putting us on.

Now all I got to do
is get back to the Copa.

That's right.

But how do I do that?

You know Charley's pride is
not going to let him back

down until he proves his point.

Yeah, I got that figured.

Though, how is it that
you're ready to help him?

It's because you heard
he was in trouble, right?

Yeah.

Well, if he hears
you're in trouble,

he'll be ready to help you.

That's a good idea.

It's a wonderful idea.

Except I'm not in trouble.

Ace of Clubs is doing a land off
his business, and he knows it.

That's all right.

We can tell him that
you're papering the house.

But we'll tell him that,
as a matter of fact,

Danny isn't even drawing
flies, that the management

would give anything they had to
be able to break his contract.

We'll say that Danny
is laying the biggest

egg in show business.

Let's let him starve.

Why don't you go
up and get dressed?

We'll go over and see Charley
as soon as I can fix it.

OK, fine.

You-- you can help, you know?

Me?

You can get on the phone and
call Bunny and soften her up.

Give her a big sob story.

So she'll go to work on Charley.
Go on.

Call her.

Oh, gee, Phil.

I hope it'll work.

You know, it's not
going to be easy to fool

Charley into thinking
that Danny's in trouble.

Why not?

It was pretty easy to fool
you and Danny into thinking

that Charley's in trouble.

$4,700.

Charley, will you please
stop caressing that money

and tell me what are you
going to do about Danny.

Will you just let me finish
counting the weekend receipts?

Well, how long
do I have to wait?

I've been here since
a quarter past $3,000.

I'll be through in a second.

I got to bring this over
to the bank after lunch.

Oh, boy, that steak smells good.

Will there be
anything else, sir?

Mm, just tell Lillian
Russell Diamond Jim's going

to be a little late today.

Charley, how can you
eat after the things

that I have told
you about Danny?

Do you know that he may
have to pawn Kathy's jewelry

in order to pay their debts?
- Terrible.

Terrible.
- Hmm.

And do you know they may
have to let go of their maid

after all these years?

Just terrible.

And on top of
that, Danny may have

to cash in his life insurance.

It's terrible.

You bet it's terrible.

It sure is.

The waiter brings in a
steak, and forgets ketchup.

Honey.

Honey, look.

Don't you think I
check my competition?

The Ace of Clubs is
packed every night.

Danny is doing great.

I'm doing great.

He doesn't need me.

And all I need is some ketchup.

Charles Halper, if
you think you are going

to eat while I am
talking to you,

you have another thing coming.

you Stole my steak.

Do I get some attention?

You want me to call a cop?

You know there's a law
against steak snatching?

Charley, do you know why Danny
is doing such great business

as The Ace of Clubs.

Give me back my steak.

Charley, I will
tell you why Danny

is doing such great business.

Every night he is packing
the place with his friends

and picking up the tabs.

He's going broke
trying to prove that he

doesn't need you or the Copa.

Do you hear me, Charley?

Your best friend is going broke.

Really?

Really.

I mean, this is on the level.

It's on the level.

Now you can eat your steak.

Now when I can't eat,
she wants me to eat.

Danny is such a
great entertainer.

How could he flop?

Charley, I can stand
stupidity, but I cannot

stand a man without brains.

Charley, look, Danny can
not be great in a dive.

Danny needs a glamorous
setting, like the Copa.

What can I do to
help poor Danny?

I-- I want to talk to Phil.

That's a good idea.

I want to talk to Phil.

Hi, Charley.

Hi, Phil.

Phil?

Phil, I want to talk to you.

It's very important.

Well, sure.

Can you come right over?

Yeah.

Good.

I told him everything.

He's all yours.

Look, Charley, I got
the poor fella outside.

I told him to drop by
here and say hello to you

just for old time's sake.

Oh, he is in bad shape, Charley.

Well, we've got to
do something, Phil.

Tell me, what can I do to help?
- I don't know.

We got to do
something, because he

has gone broke trying to
prove that he was right

and you were wrong.

Oh, well, well, bring him in.

We'll shake hands, and I'll
put him back in a show tomorrow

night.
- No.

No.

No, you can't do it
that way, Charley,

because he's got his pride.

His pride.

If you can only figure
out some way to make

it seem as though you need him.

You see, if you do something,
you say something like maybe

you're going bankrupt.

I'm going bankrupt?

Hey, that's a good idea.

I hear you say that.

And if you could tell
them something like,

if he doesn't come
back to work for you,

you're out of business.
- I'm out of business?

Yeah.

I'm out of business.

And you need him to keep
your creditors off you back.

To keep my
creditors off my back?

Good for you.
Good thinking, Charley.

Huh?
Thinking, huh?

Up there.

Charley, oh, you're
a wonderful little man.

Yes, sir.

Look, I'll tell you
what, we'll go out.

We'll send Danny in.

We'll leave him
alone with Danny.

Yeah.
I need him.

Oh, wait.
Wait wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Here.

It looks like you're living
like a king I know what.

We'll file this away.

You can eat it later.

Well, you file it
under S so I can find it.

Charley, get all that money
out of the way, will you?

Oh, the money?
Yeah.

This is no place for
a broke or bankrupt--

[chatter]
Look poor.

Put it away.

[music playing]

Hello, Mr. Halper.

What?

Mr. Halper.

Charley.

Come on, Danny.

Sit down.

You're very nice to
see me, Mr. Charley.

Danny, it's very nice of
you to drop by to visit me.

How's business at
The Ace of Clubs.

Oh, last night we did twice
as good as the night before.

Oh.

We had two customers.

Two customers?

What's a customer?

You-- you mean
your business is bad?

Yeah, I gotta admit, it's
fallen off a bit, like 160%.

You-- you care for a cigar, Dan.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

I'd like that.

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

I thought I'd save
half for after dinner.

Yeah, it's like old
times, isn't it, Charley?

No, Danny.

Not like old times.

At all times, you worked here.

Not-- you didn't just visit.

Yeah.

Those were the good old days.

Look, Danny, if I would have--

what-- what-- what
were you going to say?

What were you going to say?

I was going to say,
there's no use kidding.

I'm headed for bankruptcy.

Yeah, i--

I've completely forgotten
what mooney looks like.

Mooney?

Who is Mooney?

Mooney, what people use
to pay their checks with.

Do you mean money?

You see, I even forgot
what it sounds like.

Oh, hello, Mr. Williams.

Nice to see you again.

How are you, Jenny?

Nice to see you.

I'll be out of your way
in a second, Mr. Halper.

No, don't.

Don't-- don't bother at all.

Leave it-- just leave it alone.

Well, I got to give this
trash to the garbage company.

No.
No.

If you do that, we'll have
every garbage collector in town

on our front step.

Just let it go.

What are you
getting excited about?

Let her trow the trash out.
- Sure.

I'll bring the
basket right back.

No.
No.

Please, I don't want her
to throw out the trash.

I want to keep it.

Call me sentimental.

I love trash.

Mr. Halper, you're
always making jokes.

Why, nobody likes trash.

I'm not joking.

I love trash.

Why don't you
give her the can--

I love trash.
i--

Oh.

Um--

Look at all the mooney.

It's uh-- it's not real money.

It's stage money.

We use it in the show.

Oh, my grandchildren just
love to play with stage money.

No.

It's only stage money.

Let her have some.

Well, um, take one.

Not just one.

Here's a handful.

Oh.

My children have
a wonderful time

playing Monopoly with this.

Boy, it sure
looks real, Charley.

Yeah.

Doesn't it look real?

Sure does.

Hey, you know what
would be a great gag,

I go over to Lindey's and light
a cigar with this $100 bill.

The boys that pass
out, wouldn't they?

I'd pass out, too.

Let's see-- it
sure looks so real.

Hey, you got a match?

A-- a match?

Yeah, I want to
light my cigar with it.

I think it would
be a cute thing.

Here.

Lend me a match.

Danny, you know, I'll
tell you the truth,

the big bills
don't burn so good.

Why don't use the small one.

What's the difference?

It's only stage money.

It's not real.

Looks real, but it certainly
can't be, not if business

is as bad as you say.
Here, light it up.

Yeah, it's not--
it's not real.

It's not--

You can open your eyes now.

You big phony.

Here.

What are you putting
on an act for me for?

I had to put on an act.

Why?

Because you are
such a stubborn mule.

You'd never come back unless
you thought I needed you.

There's something
strange here.

I'm putting on an act, too.

What?

Business is great
at The Ace of Clubs.

Great.

Packing it in every night.

I'm doing great.

Yeah, well, you came in and
said everything was so bad,

your two customers and--

Well, because Phil
said you needed me.

Phil said you needed me.

Oh.

Oh.
Oh.

Just light it up.

Well, he's right, you know?

We do need each other.

But for a lot more important
reasons than money.

But I'm doing great,
and you're doing great.

Yeah.

And the cleaning woman
did better than both of us.

Yeah I had a real big weekend
until you gave the profits

to the cleaning woman.

Oh, say, Mr. Halper, I've
got a lot of grandchildren.

I was just thinking,
this isn't going

to be enough for all of them.

Can I have some more?

Wait a minute.

I tell you what,
I'll take this back--

oh, boy-- and you
come back tomorrow

and I'll give you a whole
batch of stage money

it'll choke a horse.

And $1,000 bills, too.

Yeah, it'll be
real stage money.

Not phony like this.

Well, gee, thanks.

Oh, and Jenny,
in the meantime,

you get something
for the kids, eh?

Oh, thanks, Mr. Harper.

You you're the most
generous boss I ever had.

I wouldn't say that.

I would.

You're a genuinely
generous man, Charley.

Ah, Dan.

Anybody ever calls you
a tightwad in front of me

is going to have a
fight on his hands.

No, I don't mean because you
slipped Jenny a double sawbuck.

I mean that you were
willing to actually

burn up all that money just
to preserve our friendship.

And you were willing
to burn your nose.

Well, do I got my job back?

Are you kidding?

Come on.

I'll take you to lunch.

Wait a minute.

After that big build up
about how generous I am?

Oh, no, you're my guest.

Lunch is on me.

Fine.

Where do we go?

What, go?

[theme music]