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[theme music playing]
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[typewriter sounds]
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Barry, nah, nah.
4
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:33,859
What are you mumbling about?
5
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,297
I'm trying to find
a name for my son.
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00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,559
Oh.
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Benson.
8
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Benson.
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00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:42,520
Hey, how do you
like Benson Halper?
10
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Benson, that sounds
very dignified.
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00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,349
Very good.
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00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,742
Yeah, like a-- like
a name for a judge.
13
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,091
Yeah.
14
00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:49,527
Or maybe something
higher than that.
15
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,834
His friends will
say to him, Benson,
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00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,445
I'm gotta run you for governor.
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00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,012
That's very good.
Very dignified.
18
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,448
Nice name, Benson.
- No, wait a minute.
19
00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:58,710
No, I don't think so.
20
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,060
I don't think so
because Benson is a kind
21
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,149
of a name for a tall guy.
22
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:05,587
What if-- what if he's a
short kid like me, you know?
23
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,110
Well, then his friends
would call him Benny.
24
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,372
He'll be a short bookmaker.
25
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:09,330
What do you care?
26
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,683
Danny-- Danny, look, it's
important what you name a kid.
27
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:18,469
You can ruin his whole life
by giving him a wrong name.
28
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,905
You must be silly.
29
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:22,386
A name has got nothing
to do with a kid's life.
30
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I guarantee you if
George Washington's
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name had been
Seymour, he'd still
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be the father of our country.
33
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,960
Seymour Washington?
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Come on!
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Besides, why don't
you-- why don't you
36
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,402
wait till the kid grows up
and let him pick his own name.
37
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,360
It's bad enough he couldn't
pick his own father.
38
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Now, what kind of
a crack was that?
39
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Haven't you ever heard the
expression what's in a name?
40
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A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet.
41
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You want me to
call my son Rose?
42
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:57,508
No, but you might think about
calling your daughter Rose.
43
00:01:57,639 --> 00:01:58,901
Huh?
44
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:01,077
You're so sure it's
gonna be a son you're
45
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,687
looking for a boy's name.
46
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,733
Did it ever occur to
you it might be a girl?
47
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,300
Oh, boy, when you're
in a nasty mood there's
48
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,954
no stopping you.
49
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,390
It's not nasty.
50
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:12,567
I'm just trying to point
out to you, good friend,
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00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:14,612
that girls are born every day.
52
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Oh, sure, and you know why?
53
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They're being born
so my son will
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have somebody to dance with.
55
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,490
Let's see here.
56
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Ah, just like the rest
of these novice fathers.
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You don't know.
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You just don't.
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00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,583
There's nothing
like a little girl.
60
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:32,281
I tell you, Charley, when I tuck
my little Linda to bed at night
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00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:36,417
and she throws her arms around
my neck, so soft and warm,
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and she kisses me and
says, I love you, daddy,
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it's a moment that lives
in your heart forever.
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00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:45,295
No time could erase it.
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00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:47,732
There's nothing
like a little girl,
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sweet and soft,
delicate and dainty.
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00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:56,001
I should have given it to
him, pow, right in the kisser!
68
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,054
Huh?
69
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,187
You build me up a Snow White
and in walks Maxie Rosenblum.
70
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:15,020
What's the-- holy
Toledo, look at that.
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00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,326
What happened?
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I got a black eye.
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00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:21,331
Well, I didn't think it
was your mascara running.
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00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:22,593
How did happen?
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00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,204
I was playing
football with the boys.
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00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,640
Football?
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00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,338
Well, yeah, and Scotty
Forrest threw me a pass.
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00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,993
I missed it, and it hit
me right in the eye.
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00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,777
You shouldn't be playing
football to begin with.
80
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,430
Oh, look at you.
81
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,173
Oh, your-- your mother is
gonna blow her Irish cork.
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00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,436
When she sees you, I bet
you're gonna get a spanking
83
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:40,959
and don't try to let
me get you out of it,
84
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:42,526
because I am not
gonna intercede.
85
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:43,658
I'm telling you right now.
86
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:44,659
Your mother sees this.
87
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,269
She's really gonna flip.
88
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,575
When your mother sees what?
89
00:03:47,704 --> 00:03:49,316
Oh, honey, now, don't
get your Irish up.
90
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,231
I know you're gonna yell
and scream and take her
91
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:53,015
over your knee and wallop her.
92
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,843
But if you let her play football
with the boys, things like this
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00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,279
gotta happen.
- What has to happen?
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00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,498
Let me see.
- Now, Kathy--
95
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[LAUGHING] Oh, a black eye!
96
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,678
Oh, my goodness, we
better put something
97
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:06,550
on that if you're gonna look
good at that party on Saturday.
98
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,726
How on earth did
you ever get that?
99
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,251
[laughs] Ridiculous
thing I ever saw.
100
00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:20,521
Go figure a woman.
101
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,306
I'd have bet anything she
was gonna wallop that kid.
102
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,352
Now, you wouldn't
expect her to spank
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00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,572
a sweet, tender, delicate,
little thing like Linda.
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00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:29,704
Kid like that might hit back.
105
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:30,748
All right.
106
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,014
I think she'll be all right.
107
00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:38,103
I may have to put a little
makeup on it for the party.
108
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,105
But I have a cold
compress on her eye now.
109
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,064
Madam Williams, I'd
like to talk to you.
110
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,587
Forget about the
candy for a while.
111
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Throw the shack down.
Come over here and sit down.
112
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:45,894
Honey, I've got
a lot to do today.
113
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,330
I just can't--
114
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,375
And I've got a lot
to talk to you about.
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00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:49,419
- About what?
- About Linda.
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00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:50,464
What's the matter with Linda?
117
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That girl is playing football.
118
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She's a girl not a boy!
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[scoffs] Danny.
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00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,557
Look, don't dismiss this.
121
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,994
How can you take it so
casually, for heaven's sakes?
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00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,300
There's nothing
feminine about her.
123
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,910
You want your
daughter to grow up
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00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,520
to learn how to catch a
football or how to catch a boy?
125
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:04,956
Catch a boy?
126
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,523
Linda's only nine years old.
127
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:08,351
I'm talking about
a nine-year-old boy.
128
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,182
Oh, Danny, leave her alone.
129
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,053
She's doing just
fine for her age.
130
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,968
Yeah?
131
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,231
Who asked to the party Saturday?
132
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,277
Well, nobody's asked her yet.
133
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,018
That's what I thought.
134
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,367
She's doing fine for her age.
135
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,586
If she's doing so
fine, how come some boy
136
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,327
didn't ask her to the party?
137
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:28,632
Because she doesn't want to
go to the party with some boy.
138
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:31,243
She wants to go with
a very special boy.
139
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:32,636
Why do you think she's
playing football?
140
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:42,037
So she wants to tackle
a boy for the party?
141
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,213
Well, sort of.
142
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,736
She's playing football
because she wants
143
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,217
to be near Scotty Forrest.
144
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,610
Huh?
145
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:50,828
That's the kid that
gave her the black eye.
146
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,526
Well, he's also
the very special boy
147
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,964
she wants to take
her to the party.
148
00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:57,269
Well, when's he gonna ask her?
149
00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,141
Oh, that's hard to say.
150
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:00,751
I mean, boys that age are shy.
151
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:02,666
It takes time for them
to get up the courage
152
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,581
to ask a girl to a party.
153
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:07,192
Maybe somebody ought
to give him a shove.
154
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,544
Maybe somebody ought
to leave them alone.
155
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,328
Wouldn't hurt to give
the kid a little hint.
156
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,199
Oh, Danny.
157
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,419
You know, someday I'm
going to sit you down,
158
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,290
and we're going to have
a talk about little boys
159
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,683
and little girls.
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00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,859
I'm going to start right
from the beginning.
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00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:22,773
You know, sometimes--
162
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,427
[doorbell chimes]
163
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Oh.
164
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,912
Oh, hello, Scotty.
165
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:31,782
Hello, Mrs. Williams.
166
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:32,870
Come on in.
167
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,306
I'll tell Linda you're here.
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00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,138
Say hello to Mr.
William, Scotty.
169
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:41,270
How do you do, sir?
170
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,967
How are you, Scotty?
171
00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,187
Well, nice grip you got there.
172
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,188
Sit down.
173
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,668
Sit down. son.
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00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,713
Thank you,
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00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:52,499
Gonna be an All-American
football player to grow up, eh?
176
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:55,676
Well, I guess I
haven't thought about it.
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00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,547
Kind of shy, aren't you?
178
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,854
Nice quality in a boy, shyness.
179
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:02,465
Of course, sometimes it's
not too good to be too shy,
180
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:03,727
you know.
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00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,120
Sometimes you got
to speak right up.
182
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,951
I mean, you'll discover
as you go through life,
183
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:13,084
as you get older,
sometime in the future you
184
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,739
might want to ask some girl
to the party next Saturday
185
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:19,090
afternoon.
186
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:22,703
Oh, you've got to
speak right up.
187
00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:23,617
Yeah.
188
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,009
I guess so.
189
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,229
I suppose you came
up to say you're sorry.
190
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:31,276
Well, yeah, and to give
you back your football.
191
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,190
Thanks.
192
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,714
You're welcome.
193
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,237
How's the eye?
194
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,630
It's OK.
195
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,022
Does it hurt?
196
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,676
Not much.
197
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:42,549
It's getting a little darker.
198
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:45,029
Bet you won't even notice
it by Saturday for the party.
199
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,121
Well, it wouldn't
have happened if you'd
200
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:51,775
have caught the ball right.
201
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:54,169
It wouldn't have happened
if you had thrown it right.
202
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,126
Oh, what's the difference?
203
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,824
Don't argue about it, kids.
204
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,609
I bet at the party Saturday
you'll be laughing about it.
205
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,828
[doorbell chimes]
206
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:01,829
Excuse me.
207
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,268
Yes?
208
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,399
I'm Eloise.
209
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:08,879
Oh, hello, Eloise.
210
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,402
Oh, there you are, Scotty.
211
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,317
I was getting worried about you.
212
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,928
You were up here so long.
213
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,410
I just got here!
214
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:19,977
Oh, that's all right.
215
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:23,328
I wanted to see how
Linda was anyway.
216
00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,505
Gee, you eye looks
horrible, Linda.
217
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,289
Did you cry when it happened?
218
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,552
Oh, for goodness
sake, of course not.
219
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:32,250
Well, if I had been hit
in the eye with a football,
220
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,601
I know I'd have just
gone all to pieces,
221
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:36,907
especially if Scotty threw it.
222
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:37,995
He's so strong.
223
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,787
Oh, has anyone asked
you to the party yet?
224
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,005
Not yet.
225
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:49,267
Oh, really?
226
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,574
I turned down
three boys already.
227
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,533
Maybe one of them will ask you.
228
00:08:56,274 --> 00:09:01,149
I'm waiting for a certain
special boy to ask me.
229
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:05,327
Well, shall we go, Scotty?
230
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:06,502
OK.
231
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,199
Here's your football back.
232
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,419
We might have another
game this afternoon.
233
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,768
I'll drop by and pick you up--
234
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:13,770
We really should
be going, Scotty.
235
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:14,684
Yeah.
236
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,251
OK.
237
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:19,820
Gee, your muscles are
getting bigger all the time.
238
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,042
Bye.
239
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,478
Bye, Mr. Williams.
240
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,219
Nice meeting you.
241
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:30,613
It was nice of you to come
up and cheer Linda up that way.
242
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:31,788
It made her very happy.
243
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,626
Eloise is quite a
girl, isn't she?
244
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,019
She's a big drip!
245
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:52,809
See you later, honey.
246
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,289
I'm going to go shopping.
247
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:56,117
[MIMICKING] You're
gonna go shopping.
248
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,205
See you later, honey.
249
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,120
I'm gonna go shopping.
250
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,512
Go ahead, you go shopping.
251
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:02,036
Go ahead.
What do you care?
252
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,472
You don't have to worry
about who's going to take
253
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,865
you to the party Saturday.
254
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:08,651
You got your man hooked.
255
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:10,131
Now what's the
matter with you?
256
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,089
How would you like
it if Eloise stole
257
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,787
me right from under your nose?
258
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:14,918
Eloise who?
259
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:15,963
Eloise who?
260
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,268
Linda's competition, that's who.
261
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,836
Oh, you mean little
Eloise Johnson?
262
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:20,881
Little?
263
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:22,230
That's an apprentice Jezebel.
264
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,323
You should see that kid operate!
265
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,500
Boy, she snatched that
boy from Linda quicker
266
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,849
than you could bat an eye.
267
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,285
She snatched him?
268
00:10:34,415 --> 00:10:38,376
Like an express train
grabbing a mail sack.
269
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,769
I'm tipping you off, Clancy.
270
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,728
That halfback of
yours is in trouble.
271
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,468
She can't take that
kind of competition.
272
00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:44,992
You better start giving
her a few pointers
273
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,080
on how to be a girl.
274
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,299
Oh, Danny, why
don't you relax?
275
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,127
You're just building
this whole thing up.
276
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:53,130
I'm not building anything,
I start with my own eyes.
277
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,219
And the way it looks,
Scotty's going to take Eloise
278
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,786
to the party Saturday,
and I'll wind up
279
00:10:56,917 --> 00:11:00,877
taking Linda to the next
father-and-son banquet.
280
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,487
Why are you jumping
to the conclusion
281
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,664
that Scotty is
going to take Eloise
282
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,841
and not Linda to the party?
283
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,277
1,000 pardons.
284
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:12,628
I draw you a good
Chinese picture.
285
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,936
Gregory Peck is going
to party, right?
286
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:19,983
Who he gonna ask, Zsa Zsa
Gabor, or Crazy Leg Hirsche?
287
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:30,167
It's different with
boys Scotty's age.
288
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:32,866
Oh, all of a sudden
you wrote the book.
289
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:36,347
Well, after all,
I was a little girl.
290
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,132
Yeah?
291
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:42,527
But one thing is for certain
you never was the little boy.
292
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:43,441
Yes, you're right.
293
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,921
And aren't you glad?
294
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:45,879
Oh, come on.
295
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,368
We can't stand by
and do nothing.
296
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,979
We've got to help your sister.
297
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:00,632
You know, dad, you're
absolutely right.
298
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:01,503
Thank you, son.
299
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:02,417
See you later.
300
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,375
Come back here.
301
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,899
You heard what mom just said.
302
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,204
I don't want anything
to do with this.
303
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,510
She said to keep
our noses out of it.
304
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,424
Yeah, I know.
305
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,208
I know.
306
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:12,383
But a noise like mine could
get into it just by accident.
307
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,039
That explains your nose.
308
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,649
But how do I explain mine?
309
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,174
Will you please be quiet
for a second and help me.
310
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,349
Linda?
311
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,480
LINDA: Yes?
- Come here, dear.
312
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,830
Daddy wants to talk to you.
313
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,266
Now, look, Russ, you've
got to cooperate.
314
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:26,310
After all, you want your
sister to grow up to be
315
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:27,485
a football player or a girl?
316
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,183
- A girl, of course.
- All right.
317
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,662
So she's just as much your
responsibility as she is mine.
318
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:31,620
So help me.
Cooperate.
319
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,795
Will you?
- Oh.
320
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:33,796
- Sweetheart?
- Did you want me?
321
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,058
Yeah, I did.
Come here.
322
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,277
I want to talk to you.
323
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,539
What about?
324
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:38,366
Well, Russell,
sit down over here.
325
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:39,323
Yeah.
326
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:40,498
And you sit there.
327
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,065
I want to talk to
you about boys.
328
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,458
What about boys?
329
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:44,807
We want to convince
you that you aren't one.
330
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,461
Yeah.
331
00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:48,115
Oh. you're silly, Rusty.
332
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,594
I know I'm not a boy.
333
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,727
Yeah, yeah, you know
it, and we know it.
334
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:54,121
But we want
everybody to know it.
335
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,993
I mean, you're not
acting like a girl.
336
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:57,864
And look at you.
337
00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,561
the way you dress.
338
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,216
I mean, you want Scotty to
ask you to the party Saturday,
339
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,130
don't you?
340
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,696
I sure do.
341
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,960
Huh, Well, you're certainly
going at it all wrong.
342
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,222
What do you mean?
343
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:09,571
Well, you can't
get a boy to like you
344
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,094
by playing football with him.
345
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,095
Of course not.
346
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,228
But-- but Scotty likes me.
347
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,273
Sure, he likes you,
but as a teammate.
348
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:18,188
And believe me, boys
don't ask their teammates
349
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,233
to go to parties with them.
350
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,625
That's right.
351
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:23,280
Now, you-- you have got
to be more feminine.
352
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,717
I mean, if-- like Eloise.
353
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:28,459
Now, you don't see Eloise
playing football, do you?
354
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,026
No, but I wish she did.
355
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,985
I'd like to tackle
her and tear out
356
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:34,857
her hair and step on her
face and break all her teeth.
357
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,295
Now you're talking
like a young lady.
358
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,256
All you need is a
little coaching.
359
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:43,387
That's all.
Now--
360
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:44,649
Coaching?
361
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:45,825
Yeah, I want to
teach you something.
362
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,131
Now, look, when
you talk to Scotty,
363
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,612
you don't act big
and tough and strong.
364
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:53,093
You tell him how strong he is.
365
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:56,966
Feel his muscles, say, ooh,
what a strong muscle you have.
366
00:13:57,097 --> 00:14:05,975
And you be nice and-- and sweet
and act weak and helpless,
367
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,629
you know, like a girl.
368
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:08,673
Be sneaky.
369
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:17,944
Well, sort of sneaky.
370
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:21,861
Now, when you walk,
you must walk with--
371
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:24,167
with grace and style.
372
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,603
You ever see you when
you come in the house?
373
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,953
Here's the way you come in.
374
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,476
I'll punch him in
the nose [inaudible]..
375
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,695
That's not the way a girl walks.
376
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,915
Girls should be dainty
and graceful, like this.
377
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:42,925
[laughs]
378
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,405
What are you laughing at?
379
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,711
You look so funny.
380
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:47,930
All right.
381
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,236
I look funny because
I'm not a girl.
382
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:50,628
I'm a boy.
383
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,282
But you won't look
funny walking like that.
384
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,110
[doorbell chimes]
385
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:55,155
See who that is, Russ.
386
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,286
Hey, what if it's Scotty?
387
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,853
Oh.
Who is it?
388
00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:58,854
It's me, Charley.
389
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,029
Oh, let him in.
390
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,857
Now, Linda, when
you sit down, this
391
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,206
is the way you go to sit down.
Watch.
392
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,207
Watch.
393
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,658
May I have the next dance?
394
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:24,358
Knock it off, will ya?
395
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:25,402
Uncle Charley?
396
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:26,751
Yeah?
397
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,101
Daddy's teaching
me how to be a girl.
398
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,537
Yeah.
399
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,931
What did he think you
are till now, a poodle?
400
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:33,845
Charley, I'm just giving
the kid a few pointers.
401
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,282
If you don't mind,
don't interrupt.
402
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:36,326
OK.
OK.
403
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:37,675
But I was on my way to the club.
404
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:38,459
And there was something
I had to ask you.
405
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:39,764
It's very important.
406
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:40,896
Charley, this is
very important too.
407
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,202
I'll talk to you
at the club later.
408
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,420
It won't take long.
I got to ask you.
409
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,639
All right.
Ask me.
410
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:45,553
You're gonna to be honest?
411
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,207
I'll be honest.
412
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,906
What's your personal
truthful opinion about Henry?
413
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:51,776
Henry who?
414
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,517
Henry Halper.
415
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,388
Who's Henry Halper?
416
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,780
My son!
417
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:56,651
How do you like the
name, Henry Halper?
418
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,827
Oh, [inaudible].
419
00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,915
Charley, don't bother me.
420
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:00,916
Well, how about Herman?
421
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:02,222
Charlie, I'm busy.
422
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:03,571
Howard?
423
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:06,574
How about no name,
just initials, like--
424
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,880
like TS Eliot, EG
Marshall, BS Pully?
425
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,273
Charley, please!
426
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:11,535
Charley Please, you
like that for a name?
427
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,580
No!
428
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,585
[inaudible]
429
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,369
Now, pay attention, Linda,
I haven't got all day.
430
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,544
Russ, come here.
You help me.
431
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:21,545
What?
432
00:16:21,676 --> 00:16:23,678
Now, look, you be Scotty.
433
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,419
Oh, do I have to?
434
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,029
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
435
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,726
You said you'd cooperate.
436
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,120
Now, please, you're Scotty,
a little nine-year-old boy.
437
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:32,600
And I'm Linda, all right?
438
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:33,688
Now, I'm you.
439
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:34,906
Now watch.
440
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:36,430
You see Scotty in
the schoolyard.
441
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,216
And you walk up to him very
sweet like, and you go.
442
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,311
Hello, Scotty.
443
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:49,312
Oh, this is silly!
444
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,574
Come back here!
445
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:56,580
It's not silly at all.
446
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,104
Look, you're the
son of an actor.
447
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,410
You can act for half
a second, can't you?
448
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,672
Be a nine-year-old boy.
449
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:02,978
Your name is Scotty.
450
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,196
I'm a nine-year-old girl.
451
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,285
I got the toughest part.
452
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,342
Notice my eyes?
453
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,953
See what I do with
the eyes, like that?
454
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:22,824
Do that?
455
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:23,867
Yeah, like that.
456
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,348
See, little boys like that, see.
457
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,311
Hello, Scotty.
458
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:32,268
Hello, Linda.
459
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,666
Who ya taking to
the party Saturday?
460
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,760
I don't know.
461
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:49,198
Nobody's asked me yet.
462
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,504
OK.
463
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:51,679
I'll take you if you
promise to shave.
464
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:52,723
Russ!
465
00:17:58,381 --> 00:17:59,730
[doorbell chimes]
466
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,558
That must be Scotty.
467
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:04,039
Shall I let the fly
in, oh, head spider?
468
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,218
Yes, oh, head wise guy.
469
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:10,828
Let him in.
470
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,700
Dad, I've been
thinking, aren't we kind
471
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,528
of being traitors to our sex?
472
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,356
Will you stop being so noble.
473
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:17,966
Your allegiance is
with your sister.
474
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,054
Now answer the door.
475
00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:22,753
Hi, Rusty.
476
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:24,668
Come in, fly.
477
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:25,582
What?
478
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,062
Or fly in, Scotty.
479
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,197
All right, son.
Come in.
480
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,111
Come in.
481
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,503
Linda?
482
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:34,983
Linda, hurry, dear.
483
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:35,984
LINDA: OK.
484
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:46,386
Hello, Scotty.
485
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:47,909
Hello.
486
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:52,522
I'm so glad to see you.
487
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:55,612
Well, if you'll excuse
us, I have to help
488
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:56,874
Rusty with his homework.
489
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,485
But I've already
done my homework!
490
00:18:58,615 --> 00:18:59,486
Oh, come on.
491
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:05,231
Won't you sit down?
492
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,146
What's the matter,
you sprain your hip?
493
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,889
Of course not.
494
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:16,198
That's just the
way us girls walk.
495
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,199
Sit down.
496
00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:22,204
I don't have much time.
497
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,597
The fellas are waiting for me.
498
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,164
Oh, come on.
499
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,426
Let's sit down.
500
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:34,390
How sweet of you to drop by.
501
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:35,565
What's sweet about it?
502
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,437
I told you I'd be back.
503
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,788
Oh, so you did.
504
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:43,138
Gosh, Linda, you look all--
505
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,228
I mean, I came over to see
if you want to play football.
506
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,839
But you're sure
not dressed for it.
507
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,972
Scotty, I don't think
I'll be playing football.
508
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:53,496
You see, football's
all right for big boys
509
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:56,760
with big fat muscles.
510
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:59,850
It's too rough
for girls like me.
511
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,243
I'm so soft.
512
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:13,473
You weren't little soft this
morning when you tackled me.
513
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:15,431
I've changed.
514
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:17,041
Don't you see the difference?
515
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,086
Yeah.
516
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,616
Is there something
wrong with your eyes?
517
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:29,837
No.
518
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,534
Don't you like it
when I do that?
519
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:34,233
Well, if it doesn't bother
you, it's all right with me.
520
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:43,590
I guess I better be going.
521
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,114
Oh, do you have to go, Scotty?
522
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,594
Yeah.
523
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,726
Isn't there something
you want to ask me?
524
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,815
Well, there is something.
525
00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,034
There is?
526
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,036
But I don't know if I should.
527
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,733
Oh, if there's something
you want to ask me,
528
00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:59,083
Scotty, please ask me.
529
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:00,955
Well, OK.
530
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:01,956
Can I borrow your football?
531
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,309
Is that all you
wanted to ask me?
532
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:08,658
Well, sure.
533
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,834
You won't want to be
using it anyway now
534
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,575
that you've turned sissy.
535
00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:13,750
Me a sissy?
536
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,143
Well, sure.
537
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,450
Look at the way you're
blinking your eyes
538
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,843
and walking and
talking like a sissy.
539
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:23,194
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're
nothing but a sissy.
540
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:24,892
I'll show you who's a sissy!
541
00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:29,418
Linda!
542
00:21:29,549 --> 00:21:30,419
Linda!
543
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:31,420
What are you doing?
544
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:32,856
No!
545
00:21:32,987 --> 00:21:33,944
No!
546
00:21:34,075 --> 00:21:35,424
No, baby, that's not the way!
547
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:36,991
I oughta take you over
my knee and spank you.
548
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:38,079
You oughta be
ashamed of yourself.
549
00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:38,993
What happened?
550
00:21:39,123 --> 00:21:40,777
Holy Toledo.
551
00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:45,347
Bronco Nagurski here slugged
him right in the eye.
552
00:21:45,478 --> 00:21:46,740
- Oh, Linda, did you do that?
- Yeah.
553
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:48,045
Do you want me to
show you how I did it?
554
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,786
No!
No!
555
00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,135
You cut that out.
556
00:21:51,266 --> 00:21:52,746
I'm trying to teach
her to be feminine.
557
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:54,661
Look at this.
558
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:56,053
Let me feel your muscle!
559
00:21:56,184 --> 00:21:57,098
What?
560
00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:00,362
Pretty good, huh?
561
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:02,146
Yeah!
562
00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:03,974
How'd you like to come to the
school party with me Saturday?
563
00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:05,759
Oh, for [inaudible].
564
00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:15,769
Sure.
565
00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:17,423
OK.
566
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:19,294
Go change your clothes and
we'll play some football.
567
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:20,513
I'll wait for you in the park.
568
00:22:20,643 --> 00:22:21,470
OK.
569
00:22:25,256 --> 00:22:28,172
Boy, Mr. Williams, you
should be proud of Linda.
570
00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:29,609
She's a great slugger.
571
00:22:41,447 --> 00:22:42,665
What's the matter now?
572
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,542
Go ahead.
573
00:22:49,672 --> 00:22:50,978
Start from the beginning.
574
00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:52,849
Tell me all about little
boys and little girls
575
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,242
and don't leave anything out.
576
00:23:00,161 --> 00:23:02,859
Gee, Mr. Williams,
what's taking her so long?
577
00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:04,600
Well, you know how women are.
578
00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:07,473
They take a lot longer to get
dressed than us men, Scotty.
579
00:23:07,603 --> 00:23:09,388
Hey, how about
Walter or Warren?
580
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:13,653
You mean you're up to the
Ws and you still haven't
581
00:23:13,783 --> 00:23:15,176
found the name for your kid?
582
00:23:15,306 --> 00:23:18,135
No, and I'm gonna have
to go through them again.
583
00:23:18,266 --> 00:23:20,311
It would be a shame if
it's all been a waste of time
584
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,357
if it turns out to be a girl.
585
00:23:22,488 --> 00:23:25,839
Danny, do me a favor
and bite your tongue, huh?
586
00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:27,667
I want a boy like Scotty here.
587
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:28,581
Hey, Scott.
588
00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:29,930
Yes, sir?
589
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:30,844
You go to ball games
with your father?
590
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,193
Sure.
591
00:23:32,323 --> 00:23:33,368
I'll be he taught
you how to box, huh?
592
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:34,630
Yeah.
593
00:23:34,761 --> 00:23:36,023
And you go on
fishing trips together?
594
00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:37,241
You bet.
595
00:23:37,372 --> 00:23:38,765
You see what I mean?
596
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,245
What kind of enjoyment
can I get from a daughter.
597
00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,509
Come on, Linda.
598
00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:45,467
She's coming.
599
00:23:45,598 --> 00:23:47,338
I'm ready, Scotty.
600
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:49,776
Let me look at you.
601
00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:50,690
Oh.
602
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:52,909
Turn around, sweetheart.
603
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,171
You're beautiful.
604
00:23:54,302 --> 00:23:55,521
Mama bought it for me.
605
00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:57,827
I know, darling,
and papa paid for it.
606
00:24:01,048 --> 00:24:01,875
Bye, daddy.
607
00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:02,789
Goodbye, sweetheart.
608
00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,181
Have a good time.
609
00:24:04,312 --> 00:24:05,226
Oh, I love you.
610
00:24:05,356 --> 00:24:06,749
And I love you too.
611
00:24:10,057 --> 00:24:11,319
Bye, Uncle Charley.
612
00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:25,333
Alice?
613
00:24:28,031 --> 00:24:30,686
[inaudible] Arlene?
614
00:24:34,037 --> 00:24:37,040
[theme music playing]
42204
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