Original subtitles

[THEME - HERBERT SPENCER AND EARLE HAGEN, "DANNY BOY"]

Will you please come on, we got

to eat dinner before we get to the theater

if we're gonna eat tonight.

[coughing] Gee.

- Well, don't you look nice! - Oh, daddy!

You look gorgeous!

Except for one thing your tie is crooked.

Come here.

Now stand still.

Oh good grief.

Well, thank you very much.

- There you are handsome. - Yeah.

Me handsome?

Well, I think you are.

I think you're beautiful.

Oh?

Yeah.

And if were I locked in a castle you

could be the handsome prince on a white horse, who

saves me by killing the dragon.

Wait.

Wait.

Now just a moment what's all this buttering up.

I gave you your allowance this week.

What is this?

Do we have to have a reason to pay our father a compliment?

Gee whiz.

Oh sorry, son.

Thank you.

Oh by the way.

Yeah?

I left my report card on the desk in my room.

Would you sign it without looking at it, handsome?

I just love ya.

You just love me?

Yeah, because you're handsome and smart.

I'm smart.

I bet you know how to get bubblegum out

of an electric shaver, don't you daddy?

Honey.

How do you like my dress?

Oh it's beautiful.

It's a poem.

It's a symphony.

The man who designed that dress had only you in mind,

when he made it.

I'll go change it.

Come on!

We're late now.

We're never going to get any food.

Oh wait honey, I've got to call up Louise!

Yes mam!

Now tonight, first we're going to be

at the Colony for dinner--

Will you hurry up?

Oh, honey, I better write those numbers down.

[interposing voices]

Will you please look?

I already blew the appetizer.

I don't want to lose the soup too.

Now come on.

- You all have a wonderful time. - Oh thanks.

So how!

Tonoose, what are you doing here?

We weren't expecting you.

If you weren't expecting me, how come you all dressed up?

We had some tickets for the theater tonight.

Yeah. Yeah.

Gee this is embarrassing.

Don't let me spoil your fun.

Children go out! Love.

Dance. Sing.

Be happy.

Are you sure it'll be all right?

Of course, I'm going to be here when you get back.

Those tickets cost an arm a leg.

Sure, why should you change your plan, just because I'm

going to kill myself?

All right, you big ham.

Now we'd like to stay and listen to your tale of woe.

But like I said those tickets cost a lot of money

and we've got to go.

What I got to say, I can say in one second.

Good.

What is it?

Well, it's a long story.

Well, there goes our dinner.

[kathy sighs]

All right, Unc let's have it.

I haven't eaten.

Maybe you give me some little thing to nibble

on to keep up my strength, huh?

Well, I didn't make any dinner tonight.

The kids and I just are leftovers.

Oh that's all right Louise.

Just fix me some little simple Lebanese snack.

You know?

Oh yeah.

Something like roast lamb with stuffed grape leaves,

barbecued chicken with wild rice and pignoli nuts?

Yeah, exactly!

I'll open up a can of sardines.

That's what you call Lebanese snack?

Couldn't you at least make me a little lamb meshwi?

Huh?

Shish kebab to you.

Oh shish kebab!

Sure.

I'll run a knitting needle through the sardines.

All right, now.

What's the trouble?

The trouble is I left Toledo forever.

What are you talking about?

How could you leave your family and relatives forever?

What's the matter?

Uncle Tonoose what happened?

Well, you will hear but you won't believe.

What?

They threw me out of the family cemetery!

What do you mean?

Well you know, a couple of months

ago how the whole family get together and they chip in

and they buy a nice little piece of real estate?

The family bought a piece of real estate?

Yeah.

Piece of an old subdivided golf course.

Yeah.

But beautiful golf course.

Was beautiful.

And so we make a family cemetery see.

And we cut it up into plots, so there'd

be plenty room for everybody.

Should be nice and comfortable.

But the best plot in the whole place

is a little clearing on the top of a hill that is

growing a beautiful plum tree.

And this place on top of the hill with the plum tree

is reserved for the relative who has done the most

good for the whole family.

The leader of the community in Toledo.

Ain't that I suppose to have it?

Mm-hm.

Of course you are.

Well I don't got it!

They give to cousin Habib.

She'll be up on the hill.

Me, they put down in the sand trap.

Now, Uncle Tonoose you were supposed

to be the head of the whole Lebanese community.

Why would they bypass you?

Who made this decision?

Habib says got to be everything fair.

So we going to leave it up to a three-man committee to decide.

Well that sounds reasonable.

Yeah.

Who was on the committee?

Habib's brother-in-law, Habib's brother, and Habib!

Oh boy.

And so you were framed and it's a pity.

But that's no excuse for you to tear up your roots,

to ruin your whole life?

And what's so important about the top of the hill?

Oh Danny you don't understand about the top of the hill.

That's the best, the nicest, the most peaceful

place in the whole cemetery by top of that hill with the plum

tree.

You know, in the winter it's covered with clean white snow.

And in the summer, you could reach up

and pick a plum from the tree.

Aside from skiing and picking plums.

What's so important about this hill?

You don't understand what's important is

the honor to be there.

The top of the hill by the plum tree

is meant for the leader of the community.

They put Habib there.

That means the whole family think that Habib

is the most important.

And that's why I never go back Toledo.

They don't appreciate me.

Uncle Tonoose, all this talk is ridiculous.

Talking about burial plots.

Why you're a young, vigorous, healthy man.

And-- and you should stop worrying about cemeteries.

Yeah. It's morbid.

Oh it gives me the chills.

I don't like talking about death.

It frightens me.

Death frighten you?

Why?

Death beautiful.

You never read the words of the poet Gibran

in his book The Prophet?

What is it to die but to stand naked in the wind

and melt into the sun?

What is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath

from its restless tides that it may rise and expand

and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence, then can

you truly sing.

Only when you reach the mountaintop,

then you shall begin to climb.

And only when the earth claim your limbs,

then shall you indeed dance.

Oh it's beautiful Uncle Tonoose.

Sure that's beautiful.

And Habib is going to dance under the plum tree

and I'm going to dance in the sand!

Oh, never mind.

You-- you go out to have a good time.

Sing, dance, be happy.

I go upstairs.

I unpack.

I get a good night's rest.

Oh Uncle Tonoose, I hate to tell you.

But we just haven't got any room for you here.

You don't got any room for beloved old uncle?

That was before I was sleeping in the bed in Rusty's room.

Well, you see I had to move Rusty in with Linda,

because Louise is having her apartment painted.

And she's staying in Rusty's room.

You throw me out of the bed in Rusty's room.

Habib throw me out of the place in the cemetery.

I don't got no place to lie down!

Well it's your own fault!

Why didn't you write and let us know you were coming?

I should write a letter.

You want a warning so you can lock up the good silver!

No!

Oh I feel terrible.

Never mind feeling terrible.

I go find a place. - Where are you going?

- I go to the park. - To the park?

To the park!

No, that's ridiculous!

Oh maybe I should write them a letter

first to let them prepare a bench for me.

No. No.

No.

Will you please sit down.

Honey couldn't he spend the night on the sofa.

Oh yes of course.

After dinner, I'll get Louise to get

a pillow and blanket for you.

And I think you'll be comfortable there.

Won't you Uncle Tonoose?

Oh sure it'd be all right.

You know, when I was a little boy

in the old country in Lebanon I used to be

my Shepard in the mountains.

Many nights I sleeping on the rocks.

And this bed be about as good.

Honey don't put the light on, you'll wake him up.

Is that you my sweethearts?

Oh, Uncle Tonoose, did we wake you up?

No, no, no.

I could not sleep.

What's the matter?

I've been thinking.

And I've been saying to myself, Tonoose you are foolish to run.

No man can run away from his relatives.

Good for you.

And you decided to go back to Toledo.

No, I decided to move in with you, here.

Y-you mean permanently?

No, no, no.

Not permanently.

Only for few years.

Danny we--

Look.

Well, can we talk about it in the morning.

It's getting so late. - Oh sure.

We got all the time in the world to talk about it.

I'm going to be living with you, you lucky people.

Good bye.

Well, good night Uncle Tonoose.

I hope you'll be comfortable there on the sofa.

Don't worry about me.

Good night children.

Good night.

[moaning loudly]

Uncle is something wrong?

Huh?

Oh no, Danny.

It's only that I've been sleeping in good bed so long.

I guess I little bit spoiled.

Don't worry boy.

Well good night.

Good night children.

[screaming]

Uncle are you in pain?

Oh you heard that!

I meant to scream on the inside.

Good night children.

Good night.

We just can't let Uncle Tonoose sleep on the sofa.

I know. Come on Uncle.

Get up. Get up.

Sleep in our bed. - Buh.

Oh no, I wouldn't do that.

[babbling]

Man and wife, I'm going to take their bed?

No. - Don't worry.

About it. Honestly.

- Never again. - Please.

What, I'll sleep in a club chair and Kathy

will sleep on the sofa.

Everything will be fine.

You go ahead.

Danny and Kathy, you going to give up your own bedroom

to your old uncle?

Oh I never think anybody.

This I didn't expect.

You made an old man very happy.

Good night children.

Oh Uncle Tonoose, I better go get our pajamas first.

Oh no here.

I put them under the pillows.

[music playing]

Sheesh, where did all this come from?

In a big box from Toledo.

Where did Uncle Tonoose get the nerve to think that he

could redecorate our apartment?

From the same place he had the gall to hang

that picture over there.

[gasp]

What is that?

That?

That is a picture of your Uncle Tonoose as a baby.

Done by an artist who'd do anything for a buck.

Uncle Tonoose has been here for three days

and he has taken over the entire place!

He has established a beachhead in my kitchen.

I've got six burners in there!

Six burners!

All of them going full blast and everyone of them

got something with rice in it.

I'm scared to go in that kitchen.

Scared I'll get snow blind.

I'm going to get this off the wall right now!

Kathy, what are you doing with my picture?

I hung it on the wall.

Yes.

And I took it down.

Oh.

I know you're crazy about me, but you don't have to carry

picture with you all day long.

Hang it on the wall where everybody can enjoy.

I tell you what, I get you wallet sized

picture you can carry with you.

I'm going to quit school!

What is the matter with you?

I failed my American history test!

You failed your American history test?

Why that's your best subject.

How could you fail it?

I helped you myself!

I know.

But my teacher says America was not discovered

by a Lebanese sailor.

Uncle Tonoose, you told her that Christopher

Columbus was a Lebanese?

Sure.

What you think he was, Eskimo?

Oh Uncle Tonoose, how could you do a thing like that?

He was born in the same little village in Lebanon

with George Washington!

I got that wrong too.

Mom, can I have a piece of steak please.

You certainly may not.

You will eat rice along with the rest of us.

I don't want it for my stomach.

I want it for my eye.

Your eye?

Rusty let-- Oh.

Rusty, where did you get that terrible black eye?

From Jimmy Sullivan.

Did that big bully pick on you?

No.

I challenged him to a fight.

You challenged Jimmy Sullivan to a fight?

Oh Rusty where are your brains?

He's twice your size.

I know.

But a certain person around here hypnotized me

with a lot of stories about how our noble ancestors

fought lions barehanded.

How anyone in this family could lick anyone else with one hand

tied behind his back.

Ha!

Well he didn't listen very good.

What I was saying was that the other fellow should

have his hand tied behind him.

[pop]

[clatter]

[louise screaming]

LOUISE: Oh my goodness gracious!

Louise!

What happened?

A pot of rice just exploded in the kitchen.

Exploded!

Don't blame yourself Louise.

I will not scrape that stuff off the ceiling there.

Is not your fault. You just don't got

the talent for cooking rice.

I tell you what.

From now on, I'm going to do the cooking.

No you don't!

Oh don't try to thank me.

--kitchen!

Get out of my kitchen!

How dare you go in there!

I can't take it.

Miss Williams I just can't take it.

I got to quit this job cause I can't take it.

That man's going to run me raven crazy.

Oh Louise, you don't think this is any kind of a--

[all shouting]

Quiet please!

I can't hear myself think!

Well, how's my happy little family today?

Uncle Tonoose did something wrong?

Yes he did!

[all shouting]

Quiet a second will you!

Who painted a black eye on what rice pot?

What are you talking about?

You got four mouths going at one time.

I only got two ears.

Just one at a time huh?

Go ahead honey.

You talk the loudest.

You tell me.

We may all love Uncle Tonoose.

But it is just impossible to live with him!

Look he got Rusty to fight and get a black eye.

He's trying to educate Linda.

All wrong.

And if-- What do you mean I'm the loudest talker?

Danny you have got to listen to me.

We can't stand it.

You've got to get him out of this house.

What are you talking about?

I'm not going to make Uncle leave this house?

You can't mean that.

I mean it!

You got to get rid of him!

You want me--

How can I get rid of my Uncle Tonoose?

Call the exterminator!

Louise!

Shame on you!

All right, so you gout a little rice on you.

And you, that's the first black eye you ever got in your life?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Can't have a little compassion for this man

who's come to us for refuge?

This man has been rejected by the people in his community

for whom he has worked and cared all of his life.

Now you want me, his closest living

relative to reject him too?

Oh come on.

Have a little compassion.

Try to understand this old man whose only crime is that he

loves us and wants to help us.

Danny, where I'm going to put this sticks?

My golf clubs?

W-why don't you leave them in the bag Uncle Tonoose?

- I can't do that. - Why not?

Where do you think I put the rice?

My beautiful leather bag.

My leather bag full of soggy rice.

Louise call the exterminator!

Maybe you've realized what we've been going through?

I'll handle this.

Just go to your rooms, all of you.

I'll handle this.

Let me handle it my way.

Well.

Uncle Tonoose!

UNCLE TONOOSE: Ha!

I want to talk to you!

What you want to say Danny?

Sit down. Sit down Unc.

Sure.

Look.

Tell the truth.

You'll be a lot happier in Toledo wouldn't you?

Toledo?

I wouldn't go back Toledo if they made me the mayor.

Why they ask you to make me offer?

No, no.

I mean, they didn't, but you and I

know that you'd be a lot better off in Toledo

than here in New York.

So why don't you go on back home and forget

this whole cemetery business?

Forget the whole cemetery business!

When they give the place of honor

to Habib up on top of the hill where you can pick the plums?

While I am on the bottom.

All I gonna get is the pits?

You're just being childish!

Oh for goodness sake, there must be

another spot in that ridiculous place

where you could lie comfortable!

Why don't you lie down next to Uncle Butra.

He was a nice man. - Butra?

Absolutely not. - Why not?

He snores!

Oh.

You're just being childish.

Why don't you talk to Habib?

Maybe you could have come up with a little compromise.

Maybe toss the coin for the spot on the top of the hill.

Why don't you talk to him on the phone now?

I wouldn't look his wife in the face.

Why not? You wouldn't--

After what he done to me? Never.

Never.

Well I'm going to call him.

You don't-- After what he done.

Get me Toledo, Ohio.

--hut him in the tooth like it hurts me in the heart

then I'm going to talk to him.

You can hang up Danny, because I wouldn't talk.

975-9595 please.

Yes.

I'll talk to him.

--long distance.

You're just being ridiculous.

That's all.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello cousin Habib!

Danny in New York.

I'm fine sir.

How are you?

All well.

Oh he's been here with us.

Yes, he's fine.

See.

He's worried about you.

What?

You are.

He says he's sorry that this thing came

up to separate two old friends.

I'll tell him.

Cousin Habib says he's ashamed of himself

for not calling you and talking it

over when the problem came up.

Tell him that I a little bit ashamed too.

Cousin Habib, Tonoose says he's ashamed too.

I should never run away from Toledo.

He said he should have never left Toledo.

After all, we are old enough, both of us.

If we got a little problem, we should sit down

and talk over man to man, huh?

Habib, after all, you and me, we are the most important members

of the family.

And who is to say who is going to get

that one place on the hill with the plum tree in the cemetery.

You or me?

And it is only room for one on the hill by the plum tree.

Then it belongs to me and you shouldn't even be let in!

I'm gonna lock the gates!

We going to show your picture to the guards

and tell them to watch out.

Don't talk like that.

You head of a family.

You couldn't be head of a moose!

I shamed to be even a member of your family!

I'm going to change my name.

Call me Loretta Young!

No!

[music playing]

Habib, this is Danny again.

Now look.

You're a very intelligent man.

And I want to put it straight up to you.

How this whole quarrel began over who should have the spot

of honor on top of the hill.

Now, believe me cousin Habib, a man

doesn't have to seek honors.

If he's lived a good life, honors will seek him.

Think for a moment.

When you hear the music of the immortal Mozart,

do you think whether he's buried on top of the hill

or the bottom of the hill?

Certainly not.

You think only of this beautiful music.

Well the truth of the matter is this great man

is buried in an unknown spot.

No one knows where he's buried.

Now you and Tonoose have been so busy chasing honor and glory,

you've forgotten the greatest virtue of them all, humility.

Yes.

Believe me.

If you chose an inconspicuous spot on the bottom of the hill

in the sand trap, for the next thousand years your descendants

would point with pride and say, there

lies our great ancestor Habib.

He must have been the greatest of them all,

because he was a humble man.

He did so much in his lifetime.

And asked for so little reward.

Thank you.

I knew you'd see it that way.

Goodbye.

There you are.

You have your wish Uncle Tonoose.

Top of the hill is yours.

You've got a big mouth!

Who asked you to butt in?

They're gonna put me on top of the hill.

But everybody going to pay honor to Habib who's on the bottom!

Get me back in the sand trap!

Oh!

[theme music]