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1
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:12,186
[THEME - HERBERT SPENCER AND
EARLE HAGEN, "DANNY BOY"]
2
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Will you please
come on, we got
3
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:30,769
to eat dinner before
we get to the theater
4
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:31,988
if we're gonna eat tonight.
5
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[coughing]
Gee.
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- Well, don't you look nice!
- Oh, daddy!
7
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You look gorgeous!
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Except for one thing
your tie is crooked.
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Come here.
10
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Now stand still.
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Oh good grief.
12
00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:41,911
Well, thank you very much.
13
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,478
- There you are handsome.
- Yeah.
14
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Me handsome?
15
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:45,915
Well, I think you are.
16
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I think you're beautiful.
17
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:47,873
Oh?
18
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,092
Yeah.
19
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,659
And if were I locked
in a castle you
20
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,835
could be the handsome
prince on a white horse, who
21
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,402
saves me by killing the dragon.
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Wait.
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Wait.
24
00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:58,014
Now just a moment what's
all this buttering up.
25
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,668
I gave you your
allowance this week.
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What is this?
27
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:04,455
Do we have to have a reason
to pay our father a compliment?
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00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,066
Gee whiz.
29
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,937
Oh sorry, son.
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Thank you.
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00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,418
Oh by the way.
32
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Yeah?
33
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:16,946
I left my report card
on the desk in my room.
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Would you sign it without
looking at it, handsome?
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I just love ya.
36
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,311
You just love me?
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00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,574
Yeah, because you're
handsome and smart.
38
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:37,967
I'm smart.
39
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,838
I bet you know how
to get bubblegum out
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00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,797
of an electric shaver,
don't you daddy?
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00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,107
Honey.
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00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:49,457
How do you like my dress?
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Oh it's beautiful.
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It's a poem.
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00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,201
It's a symphony.
46
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The man who designed that
dress had only you in mind,
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00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:58,335
when he made it.
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I'll go change it.
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Come on!
50
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,034
We're late now.
51
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,427
We're never going
to get any food.
52
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:05,125
Oh wait honey, I've
got to call up Louise!
53
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,430
Yes mam!
54
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,039
Now tonight, first
we're going to be
55
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,346
at the Colony for dinner--
56
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,826
Will you hurry up?
57
00:02:10,955 --> 00:02:12,523
Oh, honey, I better
write those numbers down.
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00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:13,785
[interposing voices]
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00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:14,873
Will you please look?
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I already blew the appetizer.
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I don't want to
lose the soup too.
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00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,139
Now come on.
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00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:20,401
- You all have a wonderful time.
- Oh thanks.
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00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:21,402
So how!
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00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:32,456
Tonoose, what
are you doing here?
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We weren't expecting you.
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If you weren't expecting me,
how come you all dressed up?
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We had some tickets
for the theater tonight.
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Yeah.
Yeah.
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Gee this is embarrassing.
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00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,687
Don't let me spoil your fun.
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Children go out!
Love.
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Dance.
Sing.
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Be happy.
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00:02:48,906 --> 00:02:50,300
Are you sure
it'll be all right?
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00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:51,780
Of course, I'm going to
be here when you get back.
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Those tickets
cost an arm a leg.
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00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:56,959
Sure, why should you change
your plan, just because I'm
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00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,047
going to kill myself?
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00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,923
All right, you big ham.
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00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,318
Now we'd like to stay and
listen to your tale of woe.
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00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:11,016
But like I said those
tickets cost a lot of money
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and we've got to go.
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00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,324
What I got to say, I
can say in one second.
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Good.
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00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,152
What is it?
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00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,197
Well, it's a long story.
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Well, there goes our dinner.
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[kathy sighs]
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00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:25,248
All right, Unc let's have it.
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00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,684
I haven't eaten.
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00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,251
Maybe you give me some
little thing to nibble
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on to keep up my strength, huh?
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00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,689
Well, I didn't make
any dinner tonight.
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The kids and I
just are leftovers.
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00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,910
Oh that's all right Louise.
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,391
Just fix me some little
simple Lebanese snack.
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00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,261
You know?
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00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:39,871
Oh yeah.
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00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,700
Something like roast lamb
with stuffed grape leaves,
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00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:46,442
barbecued chicken with
wild rice and pignoli nuts?
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00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:47,618
Yeah, exactly!
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00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,272
I'll open up a
can of sardines.
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00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,537
That's what you
call Lebanese snack?
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00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,409
Couldn't you at least make
me a little lamb meshwi?
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Huh?
107
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,107
Shish kebab to you.
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00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,630
Oh shish kebab!
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Sure.
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00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,546
I'll run a knitting needle
through the sardines.
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All right, now.
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What's the trouble?
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The trouble is I
left Toledo forever.
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What are you talking about?
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How could you leave your
family and relatives forever?
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00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,255
What's the matter?
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00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,647
Uncle Tonoose what happened?
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Well, you will hear
but you won't believe.
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What?
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They threw me out of
the family cemetery!
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What do you mean?
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Well you know,
a couple of months
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00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,094
ago how the whole family get
together and they chip in
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and they buy a nice little
piece of real estate?
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00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,620
The family bought a
piece of real estate?
126
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:33,925
Yeah.
127
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:34,796
Piece of an old
subdivided golf course.
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00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:35,797
Yeah.
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00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:36,667
But beautiful golf course.
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00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:37,886
Was beautiful.
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And so we make a
family cemetery see.
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And we cut it up into
plots, so there'd
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00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,457
be plenty room for everybody.
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00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:46,155
Should be nice and comfortable.
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00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,157
But the best plot
in the whole place
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00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,159
is a little clearing on
the top of a hill that is
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00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,597
growing a beautiful plum tree.
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00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,904
And this place on top of
the hill with the plum tree
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00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:59,081
is reserved for the relative
who has done the most
140
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:01,213
good for the whole family.
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00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,608
The leader of the
community in Toledo.
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00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,044
Ain't that I suppose to have it?
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00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,263
Mm-hm.
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00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,786
Of course you are.
145
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,179
Well I don't got it!
146
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,269
They give to cousin Habib.
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00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,010
She'll be up on the hill.
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00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,317
Me, they put down
in the sand trap.
149
00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,146
Now, Uncle Tonoose
you were supposed
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00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,235
to be the head of the
whole Lebanese community.
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00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,107
Why would they bypass you?
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00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:26,717
Who made this decision?
153
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,067
Habib says got to
be everything fair.
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So we going to leave it up to a
three-man committee to decide.
155
00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:33,420
Well that sounds reasonable.
156
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,377
Yeah.
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00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:35,944
Who was on the committee?
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00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,686
Habib's brother-in-law,
Habib's brother, and Habib!
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Oh boy.
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00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,255
And so you were framed
and it's a pity.
161
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,649
But that's no excuse for
you to tear up your roots,
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00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:47,172
to ruin your whole life?
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00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,826
And what's so important
about the top of the hill?
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00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:51,699
Oh Danny you don't understand
about the top of the hill.
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00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,875
That's the best, the
nicest, the most peaceful
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00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,181
place in the whole cemetery by
top of that hill with the plum
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tree.
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00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:01,535
You know, in the winter it's
covered with clean white snow.
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00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,580
And in the summer,
you could reach up
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00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:04,973
and pick a plum from the tree.
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00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,980
Aside from skiing
and picking plums.
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00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,375
What's so important
about this hill?
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You don't understand
what's important is
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the honor to be there.
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00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,555
The top of the hill
by the plum tree
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is meant for the leader
of the community.
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00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:24,819
They put Habib there.
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That means the whole
family think that Habib
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is the most important.
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00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,390
And that's why I
never go back Toledo.
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00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,608
They don't appreciate me.
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00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:35,960
Uncle Tonoose, all
this talk is ridiculous.
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00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,440
Talking about burial plots.
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00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,747
Why you're a young,
vigorous, healthy man.
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00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:42,053
And-- and you should stop
worrying about cemeteries.
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00:06:42,183 --> 00:06:43,751
Yeah.
It's morbid.
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00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:44,926
Oh it gives me the chills.
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00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,275
I don't like
talking about death.
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00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,450
It frightens me.
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00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,017
Death frighten you?
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00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:49,931
Why?
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00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,672
Death beautiful.
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00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:54,936
You never read the
words of the poet Gibran
194
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:58,330
in his book The Prophet?
195
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:03,988
What is it to die but to
stand naked in the wind
196
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:06,513
and melt into the sun?
197
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:10,952
What is it to cease breathing,
but to free the breath
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00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:15,130
from its restless tides
that it may rise and expand
199
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:18,699
and seek God unencumbered?
200
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:23,878
Only when you drink from the
river of silence, then can
201
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,184
you truly sing.
202
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:29,405
Only when you reach
the mountaintop,
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00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,234
then you shall begin to climb.
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00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:36,804
And only when the
earth claim your limbs,
205
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:41,504
then shall you indeed dance.
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00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,288
Oh it's beautiful
Uncle Tonoose.
207
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,812
Sure that's beautiful.
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00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,553
And Habib is going to
dance under the plum tree
209
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:47,902
and I'm going to
dance in the sand!
210
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,346
Oh, never mind.
211
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,043
You-- you go out to
have a good time.
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00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,044
Sing, dance, be happy.
213
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:00,958
I go upstairs.
214
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:01,959
I unpack.
215
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,265
I get a good night's rest.
216
00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:05,789
Oh Uncle Tonoose,
I hate to tell you.
217
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,226
But we just haven't got
any room for you here.
218
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,970
You don't got any room
for beloved old uncle?
219
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:16,278
That was before I was sleeping
in the bed in Rusty's room.
220
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:18,846
Well, you see I had to
move Rusty in with Linda,
221
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:21,283
because Louise is having
her apartment painted.
222
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,937
And she's staying
in Rusty's room.
223
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,768
You throw me out of
the bed in Rusty's room.
224
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:32,599
Habib throw me out of the
place in the cemetery.
225
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,383
I don't got no
place to lie down!
226
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,431
Well it's your own fault!
227
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,172
Why didn't you write and
let us know you were coming?
228
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:42,870
I should write a letter.
229
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,089
You want a warning so you
can lock up the good silver!
230
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,134
No!
231
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,310
Oh I feel terrible.
232
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,616
Never mind feeling terrible.
233
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:50,965
I go find a place.
- Where are you going?
234
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,183
- I go to the park.
- To the park?
235
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,141
To the park!
236
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:54,446
No, that's ridiculous!
237
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:55,752
Oh maybe I should
write them a letter
238
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,145
first to let them
prepare a bench for me.
239
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,407
No.
No.
240
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,364
No.
241
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,018
Will you please sit down.
242
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,064
Honey couldn't he spend
the night on the sofa.
243
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,456
Oh yes of course.
244
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,763
After dinner, I'll
get Louise to get
245
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,112
a pillow and blanket for you.
246
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,679
And I think you'll
be comfortable there.
247
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:10,680
Won't you Uncle Tonoose?
248
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:13,857
Oh sure it'd be all right.
249
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,511
You know, when I
was a little boy
250
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,165
in the old country in
Lebanon I used to be
251
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,949
my Shepard in the mountains.
252
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,909
Many nights I
sleeping on the rocks.
253
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,824
And this bed be about as good.
254
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,181
Honey don't put the light
on, you'll wake him up.
255
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:38,665
Is that you my sweethearts?
256
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,841
Oh, Uncle Tonoose,
did we wake you up?
257
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:41,755
No, no, no.
258
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:42,843
I could not sleep.
259
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,065
What's the matter?
260
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,850
I've been thinking.
261
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,243
And I've been saying to myself,
Tonoose you are foolish to run.
262
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,202
No man can run away
from his relatives.
263
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,507
Good for you.
264
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,813
And you decided to
go back to Toledo.
265
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,815
No, I decided to
move in with you, here.
266
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,125
Y-you mean permanently?
267
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,039
No, no, no.
268
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,128
Not permanently.
269
00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:08,477
Only for few years.
270
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,002
Danny we--
271
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,395
Look.
272
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,570
Well, can we talk about
it in the morning.
273
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,093
It's getting so late.
- Oh sure.
274
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:17,660
We got all the time in the
world to talk about it.
275
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,531
I'm going to be living
with you, you lucky people.
276
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:20,576
Good bye.
277
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,361
Well, good night
Uncle Tonoose.
278
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,233
I hope you'll be comfortable
there on the sofa.
279
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:26,626
Don't worry about me.
280
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:27,496
Good night children.
281
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,540
Good night.
282
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:32,414
[moaning loudly]
283
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,372
Uncle is something wrong?
284
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,591
Huh?
285
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,201
Oh no, Danny.
286
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:40,552
It's only that I've been
sleeping in good bed so long.
287
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,250
I guess I little bit spoiled.
288
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,468
Don't worry boy.
289
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,342
Well good night.
290
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:48,386
Good night children.
291
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,953
[screaming]
292
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,221
Uncle are you in pain?
293
00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:59,006
Oh you heard that!
294
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,966
I meant to scream on the inside.
295
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:05,577
Good night children.
296
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,101
Good night.
297
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,668
We just can't let Uncle
Tonoose sleep on the sofa.
298
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:10,147
I know.
Come on Uncle.
299
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,758
Get up.
Get up.
300
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,107
Sleep in our bed.
- Buh.
301
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:14,412
Oh no, I wouldn't do that.
302
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,459
[babbling]
303
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,287
Man and wife, I'm going
to take their bed?
304
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,331
No.
- Don't worry.
305
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:21,419
About it.
Honestly.
306
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:22,812
- Never again.
- Please.
307
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,858
What, I'll sleep in a
club chair and Kathy
308
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:25,902
will sleep on the sofa.
309
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:26,816
Everything will be fine.
310
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:27,774
You go ahead.
311
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:40,047
Danny and Kathy, you going
to give up your own bedroom
312
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,527
to your old uncle?
313
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,051
Oh I never think anybody.
314
00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:47,315
This I didn't expect.
315
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:52,407
You made an old man very happy.
316
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,104
Good night children.
317
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:56,324
Oh Uncle Tonoose, I better
go get our pajamas first.
318
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,412
Oh no here.
319
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:58,718
I put them under the pillows.
320
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,201
[music playing]
321
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,647
Sheesh, where did
all this come from?
322
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:18,041
In a big box from Toledo.
323
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,307
Where did Uncle Tonoose get
the nerve to think that he
324
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,179
could redecorate our apartment?
325
00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:28,791
From the same place
he had the gall to hang
326
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,227
that picture over there.
327
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,360
[gasp]
328
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:36,799
What is that?
329
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,367
That?
330
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:44,285
That is a picture of your
Uncle Tonoose as a baby.
331
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:47,157
Done by an artist who'd
do anything for a buck.
332
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,293
Uncle Tonoose has
been here for three days
333
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:54,599
and he has taken over
the entire place!
334
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,777
He has established a
beachhead in my kitchen.
335
00:12:57,907 --> 00:13:00,040
I've got six burners in there!
336
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,563
Six burners!
337
00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:03,565
All of them going full
blast and everyone of them
338
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:04,784
got something with rice in it.
339
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,700
I'm scared to go
in that kitchen.
340
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,354
Scared I'll get snow blind.
341
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:15,751
I'm going to get this
off the wall right now!
342
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,188
Kathy, what are you
doing with my picture?
343
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,189
I hung it on the wall.
344
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,147
Yes.
345
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:21,844
And I took it down.
346
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,585
Oh.
347
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,892
I know you're crazy about me,
but you don't have to carry
348
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,545
picture with you all day long.
349
00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:31,811
Hang it on the wall where
everybody can enjoy.
350
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,943
I tell you what, I
get you wallet sized
351
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,553
picture you can carry with you.
352
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,949
I'm going to quit school!
353
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,170
What is the matter with you?
354
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,955
I failed my
American history test!
355
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,349
You failed your
American history test?
356
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:49,611
Why that's your best subject.
357
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:50,525
How could you fail it?
358
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:51,526
I helped you myself!
359
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,703
I know.
360
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,487
But my teacher says
America was not discovered
361
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,662
by a Lebanese sailor.
362
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,494
Uncle Tonoose, you
told her that Christopher
363
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,061
Columbus was a Lebanese?
364
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,106
Sure.
365
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:07,063
What you think he was, Eskimo?
366
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,981
Oh Uncle Tonoose, how could
you do a thing like that?
367
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:15,202
He was born in the same
little village in Lebanon
368
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:18,466
with George Washington!
369
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,555
I got that wrong too.
370
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,820
Mom, can I have a
piece of steak please.
371
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,213
You certainly may not.
372
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:29,390
You will eat rice along
with the rest of us.
373
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,826
I don't want it for my stomach.
374
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:31,871
I want it for my eye.
375
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:33,655
Your eye?
376
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,787
Rusty let-- Oh.
377
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,921
Rusty, where did you get
that terrible black eye?
378
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,531
From Jimmy Sullivan.
379
00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,969
Did that big
bully pick on you?
380
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:43,970
No.
381
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,928
I challenged him to a fight.
382
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:48,583
You challenged Jimmy
Sullivan to a fight?
383
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:49,845
Oh Rusty where are your brains?
384
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:50,933
He's twice your size.
385
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,413
I know.
386
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,719
But a certain person
around here hypnotized me
387
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,200
with a lot of stories about
how our noble ancestors
388
00:14:57,331 --> 00:15:00,421
fought lions barehanded.
389
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:03,293
How anyone in this family could
lick anyone else with one hand
390
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:04,338
tied behind his back.
391
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,382
Ha!
392
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,171
Well he didn't
listen very good.
393
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:13,216
What I was saying was that
the other fellow should
394
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,957
have his hand tied behind him.
395
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:16,828
[pop]
396
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:17,786
[clatter]
397
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,701
[louise screaming]
398
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,877
LOUISE: Oh my goodness gracious!
399
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:22,791
Louise!
400
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:23,835
What happened?
401
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:33,933
A pot of rice just
exploded in the kitchen.
402
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:34,934
Exploded!
403
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,242
Don't blame yourself Louise.
404
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,723
I will not scrape that
stuff off the ceiling there.
405
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,638
Is not your fault.
You just don't got
406
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,770
the talent for cooking rice.
407
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:47,120
I tell you what.
408
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,121
From now on, I'm going
to do the cooking.
409
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,078
No you don't!
410
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,167
Oh don't try to thank me.
411
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,081
--kitchen!
412
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,474
Get out of my kitchen!
413
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:56,172
How dare you go in there!
414
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,391
I can't take it.
415
00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,436
Miss Williams I
just can't take it.
416
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,699
I got to quit this job
cause I can't take it.
417
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,527
That man's going to
run me raven crazy.
418
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,268
Oh Louise, you don't think
this is any kind of a--
419
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,924
[all shouting]
420
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:13,537
Quiet please!
421
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:14,974
I can't hear myself think!
422
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,242
Well, how's my happy
little family today?
423
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,991
Uncle Tonoose did
something wrong?
424
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:33,949
Yes he did!
425
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:40,651
[all shouting]
426
00:16:40,782 --> 00:16:43,219
Quiet a second will you!
427
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,439
Who painted a black
eye on what rice pot?
428
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,615
What are you talking about?
429
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,747
You got four mouths
going at one time.
430
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,184
I only got two ears.
431
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,360
Just one at a time huh?
432
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:54,274
Go ahead honey.
433
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,449
You talk the loudest.
434
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:56,537
You tell me.
435
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,452
We may all love Uncle Tonoose.
436
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,454
But it is just impossible
to live with him!
437
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,760
Look he got Rusty to
fight and get a black eye.
438
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:03,805
He's trying to educate Linda.
439
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,328
All wrong.
440
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,200
And if-- What do you mean
I'm the loudest talker?
441
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,551
Danny you have got
to listen to me.
442
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:12,901
We can't stand it.
443
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:13,944
You've got to get him
out of this house.
444
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,382
What are you talking about?
445
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:16,599
I'm not going to make
Uncle leave this house?
446
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:17,558
You can't mean that.
447
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:18,559
I mean it!
448
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:19,690
You got to get rid of him!
449
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,519
You want me--
450
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:25,000
How can I get rid
of my Uncle Tonoose?
451
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:25,957
Call the exterminator!
452
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:26,958
Louise!
453
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:33,356
Shame on you!
454
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,056
All right, so you gout
a little rice on you.
455
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,930
And you, that's the first black
eye you ever got in your life?
456
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:46,500
You all ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
457
00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,284
Can't have a little
compassion for this man
458
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,765
who's come to us for refuge?
459
00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:53,594
This man has been rejected by
the people in his community
460
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:56,945
for whom he has worked
and cared all of his life.
461
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,687
Now you want me,
his closest living
462
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:03,169
relative to reject him too?
463
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,258
Oh come on.
464
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,738
Have a little compassion.
465
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:11,568
Try to understand this old man
whose only crime is that he
466
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,788
loves us and wants to help us.
467
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,661
Danny, where I'm going
to put this sticks?
468
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,315
My golf clubs?
469
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:20,925
W-why don't you leave them
in the bag Uncle Tonoose?
470
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,231
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
471
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,537
Where do you think
I put the rice?
472
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:33,721
My beautiful leather bag.
473
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:35,810
My leather bag
full of soggy rice.
474
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:40,554
Louise call the exterminator!
475
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,512
Maybe you've realized what
we've been going through?
476
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:43,687
I'll handle this.
477
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:44,775
Just go to your
rooms, all of you.
478
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:45,733
I'll handle this.
479
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:46,777
Let me handle it my way.
480
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,736
Well.
481
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:49,650
Uncle Tonoose!
482
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:50,564
UNCLE TONOOSE: Ha!
483
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:51,826
I want to talk to you!
484
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,358
What you want to say Danny?
485
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,925
Sit down.
Sit down Unc.
486
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:04,839
Sure.
487
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,102
Look.
488
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,538
Tell the truth.
489
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:09,626
You'll be a lot happier
in Toledo wouldn't you?
490
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,280
Toledo?
491
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,456
I wouldn't go back Toledo
if they made me the mayor.
492
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:15,284
Why they ask you
to make me offer?
493
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:17,591
No, no.
494
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,767
I mean, they didn't,
but you and I
495
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:22,900
know that you'd be a
lot better off in Toledo
496
00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:24,293
than here in New York.
497
00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:25,903
So why don't you go on
back home and forget
498
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:26,948
this whole cemetery business?
499
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,559
Forget the whole
cemetery business!
500
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:31,344
When they give
the place of honor
501
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,259
to Habib up on top of the hill
where you can pick the plums?
502
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,783
While I am on the bottom.
503
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,176
All I gonna get is the pits?
504
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,483
You're just being childish!
505
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,050
Oh for goodness
sake, there must be
506
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,183
another spot in that
ridiculous place
507
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:46,707
where you could lie comfortable!
508
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,578
Why don't you lie down
next to Uncle Butra.
509
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:49,797
He was a nice man.
- Butra?
510
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,059
Absolutely not.
- Why not?
511
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:51,973
He snores!
512
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:52,974
Oh.
513
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,501
You're just being childish.
514
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,155
Why don't you talk to Habib?
515
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,809
Maybe you could have come
up with a little compromise.
516
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:04,420
Maybe toss the coin for the
spot on the top of the hill.
517
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,030
Why don't you talk to
him on the phone now?
518
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,467
I wouldn't look
his wife in the face.
519
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,642
Why not?
You wouldn't--
520
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:09,556
After what he done to me?
Never.
521
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:10,600
Never.
522
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:11,775
Well I'm going to call him.
523
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:13,821
You don't--
After what he done.
524
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,431
Get me Toledo, Ohio.
525
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:17,128
--hut him in the tooth
like it hurts me in the heart
526
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,565
then I'm going to talk to him.
527
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,131
You can hang up Danny,
because I wouldn't talk.
528
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,744
975-9595 please.
529
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:24,745
Yes.
530
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:25,702
I'll talk to him.
531
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:26,834
--long distance.
532
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,531
You're just being ridiculous.
533
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:29,663
That's all.
534
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:30,707
Hello.
535
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:31,621
Hello.
536
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,754
Hello cousin Habib!
537
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,146
Danny in New York.
538
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:36,060
I'm fine sir.
539
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,192
How are you?
540
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:38,889
All well.
541
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:41,283
Oh he's been here with us.
542
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:42,328
Yes, he's fine.
543
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:43,198
See.
544
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,765
He's worried about you.
545
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,245
What?
546
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,290
You are.
547
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,510
He says he's sorry
that this thing came
548
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,729
up to separate two old friends.
549
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:58,561
I'll tell him.
550
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:01,216
Cousin Habib says he's
ashamed of himself
551
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,610
for not calling
you and talking it
552
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,089
over when the problem came up.
553
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:10,747
Tell him that I a
little bit ashamed too.
554
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:16,144
Cousin Habib, Tonoose
says he's ashamed too.
555
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,320
I should never run
away from Toledo.
556
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,757
He said he should
have never left Toledo.
557
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:23,586
After all, we are
old enough, both of us.
558
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:25,762
If we got a little
problem, we should sit down
559
00:21:25,893 --> 00:21:28,330
and talk over man to man, huh?
560
00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:32,291
Habib, after all, you and me, we
are the most important members
561
00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:33,596
of the family.
562
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:36,556
And who is to say
who is going to get
563
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:39,123
that one place on the hill with
the plum tree in the cemetery.
564
00:21:39,254 --> 00:21:40,864
You or me?
565
00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:45,521
And it is only room for one
on the hill by the plum tree.
566
00:21:45,652 --> 00:21:48,002
Then it belongs to me and
you shouldn't even be let in!
567
00:21:48,132 --> 00:21:49,482
I'm gonna lock the gates!
568
00:21:49,612 --> 00:21:51,005
We going to show your
picture to the guards
569
00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:51,962
and tell them to watch out.
570
00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:52,920
Don't talk like that.
571
00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:53,964
You head of a family.
572
00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:56,010
You couldn't be head of a moose!
573
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,491
I shamed to be even a
member of your family!
574
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:01,581
I'm going to change my name.
575
00:22:01,711 --> 00:22:02,495
Call me Loretta Young!
576
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:03,452
No!
577
00:22:05,976 --> 00:22:09,415
[music playing]
578
00:22:11,939 --> 00:22:16,030
Habib, this is Danny again.
579
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,118
Now look.
580
00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:18,859
You're a very intelligent man.
581
00:22:18,989 --> 00:22:22,732
And I want to put it
straight up to you.
582
00:22:22,863 --> 00:22:26,562
How this whole quarrel began
over who should have the spot
583
00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:28,869
of honor on top of the hill.
584
00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:31,741
Now, believe me
cousin Habib, a man
585
00:22:31,872 --> 00:22:33,700
doesn't have to seek honors.
586
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:37,747
If he's lived a good life,
honors will seek him.
587
00:22:37,878 --> 00:22:39,532
Think for a moment.
588
00:22:39,662 --> 00:22:42,709
When you hear the music
of the immortal Mozart,
589
00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:46,321
do you think whether he's
buried on top of the hill
590
00:22:46,452 --> 00:22:48,323
or the bottom of the hill?
591
00:22:48,454 --> 00:22:50,194
Certainly not.
592
00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:53,241
You think only of
this beautiful music.
593
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,810
Well the truth of the
matter is this great man
594
00:22:56,940 --> 00:22:59,639
is buried in an unknown spot.
595
00:22:59,769 --> 00:23:02,424
No one knows where he's buried.
596
00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:05,558
Now you and Tonoose have been
so busy chasing honor and glory,
597
00:23:05,688 --> 00:23:09,213
you've forgotten the greatest
virtue of them all, humility.
598
00:23:09,344 --> 00:23:11,085
Yes.
599
00:23:11,215 --> 00:23:12,913
Believe me.
600
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:16,873
If you chose an inconspicuous
spot on the bottom of the hill
601
00:23:17,004 --> 00:23:23,053
in the sand trap, for the next
thousand years your descendants
602
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:25,055
would point with
pride and say, there
603
00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:28,189
lies our great ancestor Habib.
604
00:23:28,319 --> 00:23:30,931
He must have been the
greatest of them all,
605
00:23:31,061 --> 00:23:33,281
because he was a humble man.
606
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,979
He did so much in his lifetime.
607
00:23:36,110 --> 00:23:37,764
And asked for so little reward.
608
00:23:41,115 --> 00:23:42,682
Thank you.
609
00:23:42,812 --> 00:23:44,727
I knew you'd see it that way.
610
00:23:44,858 --> 00:23:45,728
Goodbye.
611
00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:52,169
There you are.
612
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:55,259
You have your wish
Uncle Tonoose.
613
00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:56,565
Top of the hill is yours.
614
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:01,222
You've got a big mouth!
615
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:04,530
Who asked you to butt in?
616
00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:06,270
They're gonna put me
on top of the hill.
617
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:09,535
But everybody going to pay honor
to Habib who's on the bottom!
618
00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:10,927
Get me back in the sand trap!
619
00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:11,972
Oh!
620
00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:20,110
[theme music]
43127
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