Original subtitles

[theme music]

"I love it.

I would not trade you for the world and all its treasures.

For you are my world and I need ought but you.

Your adoring slave, Danny."

"Dearly beloved--"

[door opens]

What are you doing, an imitation of a goldfish?

No.

I was anticipating a kiss from my adoring slave.

Oh.

Well, honey, I'm sorry.

I'm really beat tonight.

Boy, did we work.

I never saw such an audience.

They were on that floor but two hours.

Honestly, two full hours we worked.

Darling?

Boy, what?

Are you busy tomorrow?

No. Why?

Something you want me to do for you?

Mhm.

What's that?

Would you build for me a secret dwelling place

in the pit of your heart, [inaudible],,

warm and safe forever more?

What are you, some kind of nut or something?

Well, you didn't think it was nutty when you wrote this.

When I wrote it?

KATHY: Mhm.

What do you got there?

Listen, honey.

"Beloved, if you should leave me, half my heart would die

and the other half would live only to mourn thy loss."

I wrote that?

These are your love letters, darling.

I take it back.

I'm some kinda nut.

Are you outta your mind keeping that stuff around the house?

What if the kids get a hold of it?

Oh.

What if the neighbors should see it?

That would be embarrassing, you know?

Come on.

Why don't you burn them?

I could never do that.

Well, I could do it for you. Let me--

You will not. Don't you dare.

Well, Kathy, for heaven's sake,

put them where somebody can't find them.

Will you? - They're mine.

Now, you leave them alone. - --a swell place for them.

Put them in the bottom of the East River.

That way, nobody'll find them.

Jeez.

Oh, honey, listen to this.

This one you wrote just before we were married.

"If the pupil of my eye should stray from thee,

I would remove it."

"My precious one, your love will stay

with me til the ageless stars falter in their course

and the sands of the desert grow cold."

Oh my gosh, Kathy.

We gotta burn those letters.

Now, please--

Don't you dare.

Now, you give me those letter.

What are you saving them for?

They're not government bonds, you know?

They're just second-hand writing paper.

What are you cluttering the house up with them for?

I'm not cluttering up the house.

I keep them in my drawer.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

It's a wonder you haven't got them tied in a pink ribbon.

Come on.

That's silly, positively.

What if somebody should read those letters, Kathy?

Give me those letters.

I wanna burn them.

You mean that?

I certainly do.

Well, all right.

If that's the way you feel.

That's exactly the way I feel.

After all, you wrote them.

So if you want to destroy them, why, go right ahead.

Thank you very much, madam.

You're ashamed of our love.

Honey, if it will save you some embarrassment,

do whatever you please with them.

It's not a question of embarrassment.

Now-- now, Kathy, now, don't start that Sarah

Bernhardt routine with me.

Because you're not gonna get away with it.

I'm not. Go ahead and do what you want.

I mean, I like to look at them once in a while

and read them over.

But oh, for goodness' sake, if--

if you want to destroy them, why, go ahead.

You know, you can destroy the paper.

But you can't destroy my memory.

Every word you wrote is etched in my heart.

So go ahead, darling.

Go on.

burn them.

If it'll make you happy, you-- you can't hurt my feelings.

Go ahead.

[romantic music]

Oh, hi, Linda.

Hey, wanna come to the game with me?

No, Rusty.

I'm busy.

Well, what are you doing?

Playing mailman.

Hey, didn't you get in enough trouble

last time you played mailman?

That was because I was using new letters.

This time, I'm only using old ones.

Oh, why don't you forget that and come to the park?

Rusty, you know our code.

Not rain nor sleet nor dark of night

shall stay this courier from his appointed rounds.

You don't even know what that means.

I do too.

What does it mean?

It means I'm supposed to deliver the mail,

except when there's rain or sleet

or when it's dark of night.

You sure you haven't got any old letters?

I'll let you know after I check with my secretary.

I sure do need a lot more letters.

I'll check in mom's room.

[piano music]

[SINGING] Never saw the sun shining so bright.

Never saw things going so right.

Hurrying the days, hurry them by.

When you're in love, my, how they fly.

[doorbell]

Coming. Coming.

Coming.

Coming.

Oh, coming.

[SINGING] Blue skies, all of them gone.

Nothing but blue skies.

How do you do?

Hello?

I'm Jay Sanders from 410.

Yeah?

Is Danny home?

I'm Danny.

You're Danny?

Well, I was when I got up this morning.

I don't get to meet many people in the building.

See, I'm away from home a lot.

I'm a traveling man.

Oh.

What can I do for you?

Well, I hope you don't mind my asking,

but could I have your autograph?

Well, certainly.

This is very flattering.

There you are.

Yeah.

Handwriting's the same.

[screaming] My

Nose.

My nose.

you crazy or something?

That's for writing love letters to my wife.

Kathy.

Kathy?

Kathy.

A great big bruiser just came in here and grabbed onto my nose

and he twisted it and twisted it?

You mean like this?

[screaming]

[inaudible]

- Danny, you give me my letters. - What?

Your letters? - Where are my love letters?

How do I know where your letters are?

They're not in my drawer.

They're gone.

And I wanna know where they are.

What is this today?

What is this?

This is my nose, not a doorknob, everybody twisting it.

Give me my love letters and she twists my nose.

And the guy comes in and says--

oh.

Oh.

I know where one of your letters is.

Where?

That fella come in here and accused me of writing

a love letter to his wife.

Well, are you sure that's one of my letters?

No.

I-- I wrote a love letter to his wife.

Or course it's one of your letters.

Well, how did he get hold of it?

How should I know how he got hold of it?

Well, you said that you wanted to burn all the letters.

She sure got a hold of my nose.

That's all I can say.

[interposing voices]

Mommy.

Nothing.

What do you want?

Mommy, have you got any more of those letters?

I've been playing mailman, but I ran out of mail.

Oh, honey, I'm busy now.

Would you do me a favor?

Go play mail-- mailman?

Come back here, young lady.

You've been playing mailman?

You mean that you delivered all my love

letters all over this building?

Oh, no, Mommy.

I didn't do that.

Oh, you didn't?

No.

I just got as far as the seventh floor.

I told you to burn those letters, didn't I?

Didn't I tell you to burn those letters?

Holy smokes.

I won't be able to show my face in the neighborhood.

Go sit down.

Sit down, young woman.

What's the matter with you?

And wipe that smile off your face.

You're in big trouble.

Don't you know it's wrong to take other people's property?

Why did you touch those letters?

But they were old letters.

I didn't think anybody wanted them.

Well, then, why didn't you ask first?

Seven floors.

I'm sorry, Mommy.

All those gooey letters spread all over the seven floors.

Seven floors?

How could you deliver those letters to all seven floors?

I work fast.

I'm on special delivery.

Now, you see here--

What's the matter, Dad?

Your sister has been playing mailman again.

What did she do?

What did she do?

She spread your mother's love letters all over the building.

Oh, Linda, how could you do such a thing?

Yes.

How could you do such a thing?

Didn't you know what was in those letters?

Oh, if she knew what was in them, Mom,

she wouldn't've given away.

She would've sold them.

Get out of here.

And you too, young woman.

You go to your room.

And stay there until I tell you to come out,

which may be next year.

How do you like that?

Other kids her age wanna be ballet dancers

or school teachers.

Our kid wants to be a mailman.

Danny, you go out and get those letters.

Oh, you gotta be kidding.

That's all I gotta do is go knocking on doors and say,

"excuse me, sir, would you ask your wife to return

my passionate love letter?"

If I'm lucky, I'll get out of the hospital by Christmas.

Well, there must be some way.

I want my love letters back.

I'll write you new ones.

Oh, it wouldn't be the same.

When you wrote those, you were young and eager.

So now, I'm old and eager.

[doorbell]

Now, who is that?

I don't know.

Oh, Mr. Webb, is it?

Yes.

Harry Webb, 601.

Yes.

Say I got a letter here and I think your husband--

I don't know how it got into our mailbox.

But I checked the building directory.

And your husband is the only one in the building named Danny.

So I thought you'd like to have it back.

Oh, yes, I would.

Thank you very much.

That's all right.

I'd appreciate it an awful lot, Mr. Webb if you'd forget

you ever read that letter.

Mr. Williams, I make it a habit of never

reading other people's mail.

Well, that's nice.

That's very nice.

Well, I guess I better be going.

So-- sorry if we put you through any trouble.

No trouble at all.

Oh, Mrs. Williams, would you do me a favor?

A favor?

Yes, please.

Would you look at your husband?

Look at him?

Yes.

Just take a-- a good, long look at your husband.

I wanna check something.

Please? - Well--

If you don't mind.

All right.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Yeah.

Thank you both very much.

Mr. Webb, what--

what were you checking?

Well, I wanted to see the rays from her emerald eyes

pierce your heart with shafts of love.

Thank you very much for returning it.

We'd've brought them back sooner, Mr. Williams,

but we wanted to read them to our English class first.

You-- you read-- read them to the English class?

Oh, yes.

Our teacher thought they were very good,

especially the part where you said "your shoes

are not shoes, but jewel cases for your tiny princess feet."

And She liked the way you said,

"Your hair is not hair, but a crown for your royal beauty."

Our teacher thinks you write just like Cyrano de Bergerac.

And you look just like him too.

So I says to myself, I says, whoever

is the owner of this here letter must want it back real bad.

So I rushed it up here real fast, as soon

as we got through reading it?

We got through reading it?

There he is, the phantom Romeo.

You know, at first, but a few minutes,

I thought it was from my Sal.

He's on the road.

He's in the ladies glove game.

He writes to me quite often.

Handwriting just like Sal.

But when I came to the line "as the quiver of the aspen leaf

hails the coming of the summer breeze,

so does my trembling heart [inaudible] approach,"

believe me, that ain't Sal.

Danny, you come back in here this instant.

DANNY: Look, I've been cooped up in the house for four days.

I gotta get some air.

You cannot go out looking like that.

-

DANNY: Well, I certainly don't want anybody to recognize me.

You come right back in here, now.

Right now, now, now.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

If you're going to go out, go out like a man.

I am going out like a man.

I just don't want anybody to know which man.

You look like a Lebanese walrus.

Give me back that mustache.

I will not give it back to you.

Now, come on, Kathy, I don't want anybody to recognize me.

Oh, honey.

People laugh at me wherever I go.

Do you think that people have nothing

better to do than laugh at you?

Yeah.

They got better to do.

But when they see me, they stop doing it and laugh.

You know, you're making such a big thing out-- out of those

sweet little love letters.

It's embarrassing stepping into a crowded elevator

and watching everybody holding their sides

so they won't start snickering, nudging each other

and say "there he is, Casanova.

There he is, that Romeo, Prince Charming."

I said to the doorman, "get me a cab."

He said, "a cab, sir?

Don't you mean a white horse?"

You know, I think I'll see my agent

and see if he can't arrange a tour for me.

What?

Yeah, go away for about a year or so.

By the time I get back here, the lease will be up

and then we can move into another apartment.

[sobbing]

Oh, for goodness' sake.

What are you crying about?

I'll get you another apartment.

That's not what I'm crying about.

Well, what are you crying about?

Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not gonna tell you.

Where you're going?

I'm going to the market.

Will you please give me back my mustache?

No.

Well, stop crying.

You're getting it all wet.

I don't know what you're crying about.

I'm the one who should be crying.

I'm the goon that wrote those silly letters.

Yes.

And I'm the goon who believed them.

Hello.

Why is Mommy crying?

How do I know?

Why do women cry?

Is Mommy still mad at me?

Well, what do you expect, Linda,

spreading those letters all around the apartment building?

But they were old letters.

They still weren't for other people to read.

Daddy?

Hmm?

Was there something bad in those letters

you wrote to Mommy?

No. No, dear.

There was nothing bad.

It was just something personal.

Personal?

Yeah, sort of a secret between Mommy and me.

Why?

Because, well, they told Mommy how much I love her.

And that's supposed to be a secret, huh?

Well, sorta.

Daddy, are you ashamed for people to know you love Mommy.

No. No.

I'm not ashamed.

Why-- why don't you go play, huh?

Grown ups are sure funny.

What?

Gloria's mother and father fight all the time

and the whole building knows about it.

You and Mommy love each other and it's

supposed to be a secret.

It's goofy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come to think of it, it is goofy.

There's a special on used husbands today.

What are you doing without your disguise?

Kathy, listen, lover, this whole thing

is really very silly.

Aren't you afraid that people might recognize you in public?

Honey, look--

Oh, be careful.

People might think there's something going on between us.

Now, Kathy, you're just being--

Oh.

I know I was acting like a fool, dear.

You certainly were.

Look, Kathy, all right?

I-- I'm apologizing.

Can't you forgive me?

Any man who is ashamed to let his neighbors

know that he loves his wife doesn't deserve to be forgiven.

Kathy, look, baby.

Sweetheart, listen.

Oh, there you are again, you phantom lover.

Have you written any more letters lately?

I don't have to write letters, Mrs. Green.

I can say it out loud.

I love my wife.

I love my wife very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Danny.

I love you very much.

There she is, my wife.

I love her.

I love that woman, right there.

That's the woman I love. Hello, Mr. Webb.

Have you heard? I love her.

I love her very much.

Oh, Mrs. Schwartz, how are you?

Have you heard?

I love my wife.

I love her. There she is.

I love that woman.

[inaudible]

Will you weigh that for me, please?

I don't think we've met.

My name's Danny Williams.

I love my wife, you know?

There she is right there.

See her, that pretty girl?

I love my wife very much.

Manager, manager, counter four.

Manager, manager, I love my wife.

Hello, everybody.

I love my wife.

This is Danny Williams.

I'm sure you think I'm off my rocker, but I'm not really.

Honestly, I'm not.

Now, my child said to me, my little girl

said to me today, that grown ups are really goofy.

I mean, when they fight, the whole world knows about it.

If they love each other, they wanna keep it a secret.

Now, isn't that goofy?

You know, there's so much hatred in the world, so much hatred

and it gets so much newspaper space and radio

space and television space.

It's about time somebody did a good public relations

job on love.

And I'm the fellow who should do it, because I've

been the chief offender.

Can you imagine me being ashamed?

Ashamed that I love my life?

Imagine a guy with a puss like mine

ashamed to love a girl that looks like that,

the girl in the checkered hat.

There she us.

The redhead, with the mustache.

Anyway, I want the whole world to know that I--

I love my wife, very much.

Sal, ain't that beautiful?

That's very touching, Mr. Williams, very touching.

Sweet.

Very sweet.

Mrs. Williams, you're such a fortunate person.

[piano music]

[SINGING] Day by day, I'm falling more in love with you.

And day by day, our love seems to grow.

There isn't any end to my devotion.

It's deeper dear, by far, than any ocean.

I find that day by day, you're making

all of my dreams come true.

And come what may, I want you to know, I am yours alone.

And I'm in love to stay as we go through the years, day by day.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Now, what are you crying about?

Because it's so beautiful.

Darling?

- Mhm? - You know what?

Huh uh.

I'm gonna write all those love letters to you all over again.

Oh.

Oh, goody, we're just in time. Come on.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Everybody, sit on the floor.

Linda, what's going on here?

Well, you said you wanted the whole world

to know you love Mommy.

So I'm selling tickets.

Oh.

[theme music]