Original subtitles

And there goes another, and another, and another.

What are you babbling about, Miriam?

Somebody's moving into the Fairfax house next door.

And there goes another, and another, and another.

John, you're not listening to a word I'm saying.

Yes, I am.

We're talking about the house next door.

Boxes.

And sheep.

And there goes another.

And another.

Okay, okay, okay. If this is about sex, I'll be only so glad to bend you in the

kitchen sink and fuck you. Put the lid on your mouth.

Boxes, John. It's about boxes.

Boxes. About boxes. Same thing as sex. Another form.

John, don't be crude. We live in a high -rent district of Los Angeles.

Okay, I surrender.

Let's see what you're talking about.

Oh, no shit.

There are a lot of boxes moving to the Fairfax house.

John, please don't be crazy.

Oh, okay, I know. We live in a high -rent district in Los Angeles, right? I

should fucking know. I pay the fucking bills.

Look at this.

I got nothing.

That's the last of the boxes, Mr. East.

Are you sure?

Are you doubly sure?

I'll go you one further. I'm triply sure.

That's the last of them.

That can't be. That can't possibly be.

Pull yourself together, man.

You don't understand.

I'm missing a box.

I'm missing a box.

If you ask me, I think your friend here is missing some marbles.

I'm missing a box.

You have to forgive my friend. The last time he acted up like this was when he

missed Delilah Dawn's birthday party in Las Vegas.

Who's that?

You wouldn't know.

Oh, yeah? Try me.

It's got to do with porno. Shall I go on?

Oh, porno. Go ahead.

We're porno scholars.

Dirty movies.

No. It's a distinct difference, porno.

Want to hear more?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Well, you see, my friend and I are writing a definitive porno encyclopedia,

everything from anal to onazine.

And we're calling it the Manhattan Project.

Excuse me.

I, my friend, and this young lady are collaborating.

Allow me to introduce Zelma Bitt.

She is our lesbian videotape expert and editor of the prestigious Fast Forward

Review. Oh, I speed read through that magazine all the time.

Oh, yes. I'm sure you do.

You know what? It'd be really pretty if you lost those glasses, 40 pounds, and

that big city attitude.

Now, about those boxes you lost.

I lost?

They contain every porno tip ever made, except the most important one.

Well, I'm curious. What makes you two guys such porno experts?

You really want to know?

Try me.

Well, all three of us are from New York, and we've never been laid.

Oh, then I guess you're not going to try me.

Try and find my box. It's much more important.

The neighbors could be watching.

They're busy with their boxes.

John, stop that.

Jinx could walk in at any minute.

What?

Jinx? Who the hell is Jinx?

All these questions.

Hey, I pay them more each time I tell them to know whatever I want to know.

Well, if you must really know, Jinx is my girlfriend from Indiana.

She's coming to stay with us.

But I wanted it to be a surprise.

Well, it's a surprise, Mariam.

Any other surprises I should know about?

Yeah, but I think I've got to work you up to it.

Oh, yeah?

Oh.

Oh, that's going to be a doozy of a surprise.

I've never seen you naked in a day like this before.

I'm trying.

I'm afraid Jace lost him.

Does your name have anything to do with the way I feel right now?

I'm feeling silly.

Oh, blowjob.

Don't be scared.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Take a close one.

sense, James. John volunteered.

Are you sure? The poor man looks so uncomfortable.

I'm sure.

John! John!

John!

John! What?

I want you to meet James from Indiana.

Oh, hi.

How you doing?

So the missing package is mailed from Indiana?

You obviously don't understand the importance of this project.

We must have all and every tape in existence for our work to be complete

accurate.

I'll tell you what the problem is right now.

Problem?

What do you mean, problem?

My friend here, he doesn't like the word problem.

Well, what does he like?

Peanut butter.

Well, I'll tell you what the peanut butter is here, Mr. Yeast.

I don't want to hear this.

I don't want to hear this.

Well, I have lesbian takes through you.

Your friend needs some serious drugs.

Does that come from watching so many dirty movies?

New York public transportation is more like it.

Well, it doesn't look like it affected you.

I take taxi cabs.

Did I ever tell you my fantasy about taxis?

Where the driver speaks English?

No.

More like... Or I get in the back seat.

And get gangbanged by a band of lusty Latinos?

Oh, you poor thing.

You've watched too many corners, too, haven't you?

what are you doing

um um

met through the mail. Huh?

Here.

Honey, this is a mail order for sex movies, not a mail order for brides.

Impossible. It says here, looking for one hot blonde.

Here she is.

Return address, right next door.

You don't have to lower your standards.

Ever been to Indiana?

No.

Then you know why.

They look like low standards.

Good timing, John.

Better time than you think.

You have a phone call in the other room.

Goodbye.

you think Marion says I'm too pretty to be advertising?

Advertising for what?

A man. Do you find that odd?

I don't know. I've never been to Indiana.

Then you can understand how a woman has needs and desires.

Oh, yeah. All too well.

I'm so horny I could fuck a New York porn critic.

Well, let me help you before I make a big, horrible fat mistake.

What is that?

Mwah!

Rawr!

Thank you.

He's probably off pouting. He takes everything very personal.

I feel like I've keyed on this encyclopedia.

He'll, uh, he'll get over it as soon as we solve that problem.

Oh, yeah.

He sent the packets to the wrong mailbox number.

Yeah.

Now you're the one looking out windows.

What's so interesting?

Nothing.

watching naked girls fondle themselves in broad daylight? Nothing?

Well, actually, I thought I had you when I first saw you naked.

John! Mary?

You realize this is the end of our sex life as you know it?

Well, maybe it ain't quite worked out right.

You know, you're very pretty.

Oh, don't cover up. You have a beautiful body.

I do?

Yeah. I only wish I could look half that good.

Come on, you have potential.

You can tell that to those yo -yos in there.

Oh, they're from New York. What do they know?

You know, with a little makeup. I know. I could be very pretty.

You've heard that.

Yeah, it's an old lesbian movie cliche.

Oh, here. Let me try it.

My lovely encyclopedia.

My lovely porno encyclopedia.

I'll never be able to complain without a hot blonde.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

I'm Jinx, the girl next door.

And you just walked right in?

Where do you think you are, young lady? New York City?

No, this is a crock, and you owe me an explanation.

Hey, you've got my tape.

My lovely tape.

I don't have your lovely fucking tape.

You're part of a conspiracy.

No, I'm not.

You're trying to destroy the Manhattan Project.

You're not.

Hey.

Emma.

Let me tell you a little story, little lady.

You have a gorgeous body.

You know, your clothes really don't do you justice.

Yeah, that's another stock lesbian cliche.

What can we say this butch breath?

I like to watch this.

um um

Oh.

Oh.

This lovely lady has just taught me a very interesting variation of script

poetry she learned in Indiana.

It's called Indianapolis by Pendulum Plex.

Why, I can already see where your pit stops.

And I was supposed to marry this guy? This dork?

Correction. There was a very intriguing mix -up of post office box numbers at

the, uh, post office.

I am not a dork.

I'm an adult video scholar.

Can't prove the difference. by me.

I would marry him for all the bulls in Barcelona.

Well, maybe this will change your collective mind.

Never mind, Jace. I'm divorcing John and marrying this guy.

Uh, I phone first. I give you the address.

I fit the description.

Ladies, please.

Let's solve this problem in a democratic fashion.

a three -way.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Los Angeles.