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1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,923
- Hey, look who's here.
- Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,674
Aren't you gonna kiss me goodbye?
3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,885
Apparently not.
4
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,097
Do you see how rude he is to me?
5
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,974
It's terrible. I'll talk to him.
6
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:20,062
- I wish you would because... Wait, Alan!
- Oh, oh, sorry.
7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,856
Alan, have you been badmouthing me?
8
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:27,236
- Badmouthing you? To whom?
- To Jake.
9
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,112
Oh, to Jake. No.
10
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:35,077
- Why?
- His attitude towards me is disrespectful.
11
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:37,496
I have to wonder
where he's getting it from.
12
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:41,416
I assure you, I make it a point
to speak well of you in front of our son.
13
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,210
What about your brother?
14
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,629
Oh, with Charlie,
I'm completely honest.
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,965
That is not what I meant.
16
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,300
I know.
17
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,552
Hey, Judith.
18
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,305
Have you said derogatory things
about me to Jake?
19
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,100
No, why? Did you want me to?
20
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,396
I don't understand his behavior.
21
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,732
Ignoring me, avoiding me,
acting like I'm the enemy.
22
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,443
But you get why I'm doing it, right?
23
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,072
I got it!
24
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,908
I don't know what to say.
He's not getting it from us.
25
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,411
- Absolutely not.
- It's your mother!
26
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,705
- You talk to her.
- No, I talked last time.
27
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,373
- Choose you for it.
- Odds.
28
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,666
One, two, three, shoot.
29
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,334
- Odds. You talk to her.
- No.
30
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,670
- Hey, but you said you were gonna...
- I lied.
31
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:32,009
Leave a message at the beep. Beep!
32
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,976
I wish there were a better way
to deal with Mom.
33
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,354
There is, but we're both
too pretty for jail.
34
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,946
- What?
- What?
35
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,601
Mom's here.
36
00:02:24,768 --> 00:02:26,186
Charlie, did you hear me?
37
00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:29,648
Yeah, I just prefer to live in denial.
38
00:02:30,232 --> 00:02:31,692
Come on.
39
00:02:31,858 --> 00:02:34,319
We talked about this.
We need to set an example.
40
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:39,199
Fine, tell Mom I love her and...
I don't wanna give her my cold.
41
00:02:39,658 --> 00:02:41,118
That is not going to help.
42
00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:43,787
Well, you gotta say it in front of Jake.
43
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,623
No. Here is the plan.
44
00:02:46,790 --> 00:02:49,209
We'll stop acting
like we hate being with her...
45
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:53,463
...stop taking shots at her, and start
acting like we love and respect her.
46
00:02:54,172 --> 00:02:57,175
- All at once?
- Come on.
47
00:02:57,801 --> 00:02:59,928
Your Uncle Charlie thinks
I don't see him...
48
00:03:00,637 --> 00:03:03,640
...but Grandmommy sees everything.
49
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:05,934
Mom, we didn't expect
to see you today.
50
00:03:06,143 --> 00:03:08,770
I have to come unannounced
because when I call first...
51
00:03:08,937 --> 00:03:11,648
...there's no one home
when I get here.
52
00:03:12,649 --> 00:03:16,778
I imagine that's only because
my cowardly sons are trying to avoid me.
53
00:03:16,987 --> 00:03:19,156
She's ruining the plan.
54
00:03:19,322 --> 00:03:22,909
Well, the important thing is we're
all here, and we're happy to see you.
55
00:03:23,076 --> 00:03:26,872
- Right, Charlie?
- Oh, happy isn't the word.
56
00:03:27,038 --> 00:03:30,459
- So, what's new, Mom?
- Well, if you really care...
57
00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:33,628
- We do, we do.
- We do.
58
00:03:33,837 --> 00:03:37,174
Next Sunday,
I am receiving my gold blazer...
59
00:03:37,382 --> 00:03:39,468
...from the
Westside Realtor's Association.
60
00:03:39,676 --> 00:03:41,553
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
61
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,513
Me too, Mom.
62
00:03:43,722 --> 00:03:46,600
It's the highest honor
the real-estate community can bestow.
63
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:49,269
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
64
00:03:49,436 --> 00:03:51,188
Me too, Mom.
65
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:55,776
So I wanted to talk to you
about the presentation ceremony.
66
00:03:55,984 --> 00:03:57,944
We'll be there.
Tell us where and when.
67
00:03:58,153 --> 00:04:01,573
Well, next Sunday, 5:00.
And I was hoping we could have it here.
68
00:04:02,491 --> 00:04:03,825
- Here?
- Why here?
69
00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:07,412
- I mean, we love and respect you...
- But why here?
70
00:04:09,623 --> 00:04:11,833
This isn't really
a good house for parties.
71
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,961
- Yeah, it's so big and close to the ocean.
- Yeah.
72
00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,840
Come on. I can't very well
throw a party for myself.
73
00:04:19,007 --> 00:04:22,677
This way everyone will get to see
how much my sons love and respect me.
74
00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:27,933
Anyway, here is the guest list,
and also a suggested menu.
75
00:04:28,141 --> 00:04:31,019
Nothing fancy. Cocktails, buffet.
76
00:04:31,186 --> 00:04:32,979
Any questions?
77
00:04:36,066 --> 00:04:38,026
- No.
- Good.
78
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:41,196
Okay.
79
00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:44,616
Big kiss. Love you all.
80
00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:47,953
- Love you too, Mom.
- Bye, Grandma.
81
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:49,704
Relatives, huh?
82
00:04:49,871 --> 00:04:53,250
Can't live with them,
can't turn them in for the reward.
83
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:57,212
Excuse me, Berta, but we happen
to love our mother very much.
84
00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:59,214
- Right, Charlie?
- Right.
85
00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:01,383
Jake, look.
There's a pelican on the deck.
86
00:05:01,591 --> 00:05:02,759
Oh, cool.
87
00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:11,101
Are you happy?
88
00:05:11,685 --> 00:05:14,562
Now we have to throw a party
for your crazy-ass mother.
89
00:05:14,771 --> 00:05:16,690
- She's your mother too.
- How do you know?
90
00:05:16,856 --> 00:05:18,525
- I could've been adopted.
- You wish.
91
00:05:18,733 --> 00:05:22,737
I do. Now, what about
this stupid party?
92
00:05:22,946 --> 00:05:25,282
Here. Maybe this'll help.
93
00:05:28,702 --> 00:05:31,079
"Daisy's Fishing Tackle and Live Bait"?
94
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:33,707
Turn it over.
95
00:05:33,873 --> 00:05:36,293
"Daisy's Classy Catering."
96
00:05:37,127 --> 00:05:40,672
She's my sister. Her husband left.
I'm trying to get her back on her feet.
97
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,591
She runs a catering business
and a bait shop?
98
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,635
Not at the same time.
99
00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:51,141
There's no pelican.
100
00:05:56,855 --> 00:05:59,482
Hey, you Charlie?
101
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:05,530
Maybe.
102
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:10,910
- Who's asking?
- I'm Daisy, the caterer.
103
00:06:12,537 --> 00:06:13,913
Your Berta's sister?
104
00:06:14,122 --> 00:06:16,332
Same mom. Dad's a little iffy.
105
00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:21,171
Berta said if I wanted a shot
of your bourbon, I had to ask you.
106
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:25,133
- Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.
- Thanks.
107
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:32,098
I don't usually drink before noon,
but I'm going through a rough patch.
108
00:06:32,307 --> 00:06:35,560
Well, that's why they make bourbon.
109
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:38,772
My husband left me for another woman.
You know how I found out?
110
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:42,192
- To tell you the truth...
- Relax. It's rhetorical.
111
00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:45,695
They waved to me as they drove
my house out of the trailer park.
112
00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:49,699
- That's sad.
- Yeah.
113
00:06:49,866 --> 00:06:52,786
I had that doublewide 11 years.
114
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:55,330
Larry was with me for four.
115
00:06:55,497 --> 00:06:59,167
Six months of those were house arrest,
so you can't give him credit for that.
116
00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:03,880
You know,
I haven't gotten up to pee yet.
117
00:07:04,088 --> 00:07:06,216
Let me tell you something.
118
00:07:08,301 --> 00:07:11,179
Larry was nothing when I met him.
119
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,933
He was working at some kosher
slaughterhouse out in Fontana...
120
00:07:15,099 --> 00:07:18,937
...before they fired him
for being mean to the cattle.
121
00:07:19,896 --> 00:07:21,314
What?
122
00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:25,193
The Jewish laws dictate that
the animals have to be treated kindly...
123
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,778
...before they get whacked.
124
00:07:26,945 --> 00:07:28,488
Larry would taunt them.
125
00:07:28,655 --> 00:07:31,741
"Hey, hamburger,
guess what's gonna happen to you."
126
00:07:38,206 --> 00:07:41,042
Anyway, I picked him up off his sorry,
unemployed ass.
127
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:44,087
I gave him hair plugs,
contact lenses, teeth.
128
00:07:45,547 --> 00:07:48,675
The bastard dumped me for this tiny,
little Korean manicurist...
129
00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:51,844
...who huffs nail-polish remover
between appointments.
130
00:07:52,595 --> 00:07:56,849
Well, you give a guy hair and teeth,
he's bound to hook up with trash.
131
00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,394
No, she was pretty hot.
132
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:02,689
She had a spray-on tan,
Botox up the yin-yang.
133
00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:05,108
Couldn't tell if she was 20 or 60.
134
00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:10,029
- Daisy!
- In here!
135
00:08:13,491 --> 00:08:15,118
What the hell are you doing?
136
00:08:15,326 --> 00:08:18,162
Relax. It's not what you think.
We're just having a drink.
137
00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,123
Good idea.
138
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:24,043
You listen to me.
Just because I got us this job...
139
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:26,170
...doesn't mean
I'm cooking by myself.
140
00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:27,672
I'm coming down there.
141
00:08:27,839 --> 00:08:30,216
And don't act like you're doing me
some big favor.
142
00:08:30,383 --> 00:08:33,761
Oh, excuse me for trying to help
my broke, homeless, baby sister.
143
00:08:33,928 --> 00:08:37,724
I'm not homeless. I have a home.
I just don't know where it's parked.
144
00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:41,144
I wouldn't be broke if you'd have
paid me my share of Mama's estate.
145
00:08:41,352 --> 00:08:43,563
What estate? It was a shoebox...
146
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:46,649
...full of corn pads,
used lottery tickets and insulin.
147
00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:49,485
It's the first I'm hearing
about the insulin.
148
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,363
Excuse me, but shouldn't we be,
you know...
149
00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:54,532
...cooking something
for my mother's party?
150
00:08:55,199 --> 00:08:56,534
Hang on, Charlie.
151
00:08:56,701 --> 00:09:00,997
You know, I am sick of you insinuating
that I stole all that crap Mama left me.
152
00:09:01,205 --> 00:09:05,543
She didn't leave it to you. You were just
the first one back after she flatlined.
153
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:08,338
Oh, and where were you?
At some ashram in Oregon?
154
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:12,550
I was learning from my guru
how to channel my spirit guide.
155
00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:16,304
Oh, please. You were humping
a defrocked priest in the woods.
156
00:09:19,932 --> 00:09:23,728
How about stuffed mushrooms?
Everybody loves those.
157
00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:26,230
You know, that's your problem
your whole life.
158
00:09:26,439 --> 00:09:29,317
You chase after losers,
take care of them, fix them up...
159
00:09:29,484 --> 00:09:32,320
...and then they hop on
the first manicurist out of town.
160
00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:34,906
You're jealous because
I've had love in my life.
161
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:38,159
Yeah? You know what you got
in your life now? Squat.
162
00:09:38,326 --> 00:09:41,996
No husband, no one to do your nails,
and blocks where your house used to be.
163
00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:45,541
I swear to God. One more word and
I'm gonna knock you on your keister!
164
00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:47,960
- Okay, okay, there's no reason...
- Squat!
165
00:09:48,127 --> 00:09:49,962
- That's it!
- Whoa, whoa, no!
166
00:09:50,129 --> 00:09:53,966
No, whoa! Stop! Berta!
167
00:09:55,676 --> 00:09:57,512
Berta!
168
00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:09,114
Give me the rolling pin.
169
00:10:09,989 --> 00:10:12,659
Is there a special place
you'd like me to put it?
170
00:10:14,285 --> 00:10:17,038
I don't know what else
you want from me. I took you in.
171
00:10:17,247 --> 00:10:19,707
Gunther's in the garage,
so you can have the couch.
172
00:10:19,916 --> 00:10:24,212
You spoil that dog.
Anyway, I'm staying at a motel tonight.
173
00:10:24,629 --> 00:10:28,675
Good idea. Maybe you'll meet
your next husband on the walk there.
174
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:30,468
- Can I have one of these?
- No.
175
00:10:30,635 --> 00:10:33,346
I am just trying to be a good sister.
176
00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:35,807
No, you're trying
to make me feel like crap.
177
00:10:35,974 --> 00:10:37,559
It's what you always do.
178
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,811
- So I can eat this?
- No.
179
00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:42,522
- Let him have one.
- You don't know this kid.
180
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:46,234
He never stops at one.
He eats like a refugee.
181
00:10:48,361 --> 00:10:50,363
- Eat it.
- Drop it.
182
00:10:52,824 --> 00:10:55,160
Hey, how's it going?
183
00:11:02,458 --> 00:11:04,210
Not good.
184
00:11:07,171 --> 00:11:08,882
Nice move, Tinkerbell.
185
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:12,010
- Shut your hole and help me pick this up.
- You pick it up.
186
00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:13,887
I'm going outside to meditate.
187
00:11:14,053 --> 00:11:17,056
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
188
00:11:17,223 --> 00:11:19,434
You wanted that clown
to be nice to his mother.
189
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:22,729
But did you think to say to him,
"Clown, be nice to your mother"?
190
00:11:22,896 --> 00:11:25,231
No, we had to throw a big party
for our mother...
191
00:11:25,398 --> 00:11:28,401
...catered by
the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
192
00:11:29,485 --> 00:11:31,988
That's it. I can't work like this.
193
00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:33,573
Well, you have to, Berta.
194
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:36,034
We've got 50 people coming
in a couple of hours.
195
00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:39,203
- Don't tell me. Tell her.
- Fine.
196
00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:40,413
Watch this.
197
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:46,586
Hey! I'm meditating here!
198
00:11:48,671 --> 00:11:50,298
Jake, let's go pick up Grandma.
199
00:11:50,465 --> 00:11:53,051
- Charlie, you're in charge.
- The hell I am.
200
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:55,261
- Why pick her up?
- Grandma likes to drink.
201
00:11:55,428 --> 00:11:59,390
- When grownups drink, they don't drive.
- Good thing Uncle Charlie lives here.
202
00:12:01,517 --> 00:12:04,020
So, good luck. I'll see you tomorrow.
203
00:12:04,228 --> 00:12:06,648
No, wait. Berta, you can't leave.
204
00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:11,527
Don't worry. Your deposit's fully
refundable in fishing tackle or live bait.
205
00:12:11,736 --> 00:12:13,071
I don't want a refund.
206
00:12:13,237 --> 00:12:14,906
I want you to make up with Daisy...
207
00:12:15,073 --> 00:12:18,951
...so when my mother gets here, she'll
have something to eat besides my soul.
208
00:12:19,118 --> 00:12:22,664
Make up with her?
For what? Trying to help her?
209
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:25,750
Trying to keep her from making
the same stupid mistake again?
210
00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:28,252
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever. Just do it!
211
00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:30,922
No, I'm done with her. I quit.
212
00:12:31,339 --> 00:12:34,217
Berta... Berta, you can't quit being
related to somebody.
213
00:12:34,384 --> 00:12:35,593
Believe me, I've tried.
214
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:39,305
She is a spoiled, little princess...
215
00:12:39,472 --> 00:12:41,891
...who doesn't know
when somebody's trying to help.
216
00:12:42,058 --> 00:12:44,060
- And you know what else?
- Hold on, hold on.
217
00:12:44,227 --> 00:12:47,814
I'm still trying to wrap
my brain around "little princess."
218
00:12:48,439 --> 00:12:51,442
Ever since Mom spit her out,
she got everything she wanted.
219
00:12:51,651 --> 00:12:55,113
"We don't need to fix Berta's teeth,
Daisy needs singing lessons."
220
00:12:55,279 --> 00:12:57,407
"Why spend money
on a prom dress for Berta...
221
00:12:57,573 --> 00:13:00,076
...when Daisy needs tap shoes?"
- That's rough, but...
222
00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,620
"Who cares if Berta needs
her spine straightened?"
223
00:13:02,787 --> 00:13:04,288
"Daisy wants a nose job!"
224
00:13:05,456 --> 00:13:09,627
What if you went ahead and made
a couple dozen of those little egg rolls?
225
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:12,338
"So what if Berta's got
an extra big toe?"
226
00:13:20,012 --> 00:13:22,557
- Mom?
- Oh, hello, boys.
227
00:13:23,266 --> 00:13:25,768
Why aren't you dressed?
We came to pick you up.
228
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:27,770
So you can drink.
229
00:13:28,479 --> 00:13:32,275
Oh, yes, well,
I've decided to pass on the party.
230
00:13:32,483 --> 00:13:33,818
What? You can't pass.
231
00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:36,737
We've got people coming,
decorations, caterers.
232
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,657
And that's how you're dressed?
233
00:13:40,074 --> 00:13:41,909
Beats the hell out of a bathrobe.
234
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:47,540
- Why don't you wanna go to your party?
- Please, it isn't a party.
235
00:13:47,707 --> 00:13:51,043
It's a sham.
None of those people are my friends.
236
00:13:51,544 --> 00:13:53,880
Why would you think that?
237
00:13:55,298 --> 00:13:58,843
Believe it or not, Alan, your mother is
a very sensitive woman...
238
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:03,097
...and I can feel when people around me
know that I hate them.
239
00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:07,727
Why did you want us
to throw the party?
240
00:14:07,935 --> 00:14:09,687
Oh, why does anyone want a party?
241
00:14:09,854 --> 00:14:11,898
To feel superior
while feigning humility.
242
00:14:12,106 --> 00:14:14,025
Don't touch that, Jake.
243
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:16,652
Let me tell you something.
244
00:14:16,819 --> 00:14:20,364
The way you treat people
is the way they treat you back.
245
00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:24,744
Miserable bastards.
246
00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:30,124
But putting that aside,
you're getting a gold jacket today...
247
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,376
...and we wanted
to share that with you.
248
00:14:32,543 --> 00:14:37,673
Is that what it takes? I have to win an
award for my sons to notice I'm alive?
249
00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:43,054
Okay, you know what?
Go, don't go. I don't care.
250
00:14:43,262 --> 00:14:47,183
If you wanna sit here
and stew in the venom and bile...
251
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:50,895
...that is the soup of your being,
then fine. I hope you drown in it.
252
00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:53,981
Don't you ever talk
to your mother this way.
253
00:14:54,607 --> 00:14:57,401
Forget the party.
I'll go back and tell those people...
254
00:14:57,568 --> 00:15:01,280
...that the guest of honor could not
be bothered to show up.
255
00:15:01,489 --> 00:15:04,200
- Come on, Jake.
- Oh, dear Lord.
256
00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:06,911
Alan, wait.
257
00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:12,708
If this silly, little party
means that much to you, I'll go.
258
00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,752
Just let me get dressed.
259
00:15:15,127 --> 00:15:16,921
Oh, gee. Thanks, Mom.
260
00:15:20,299 --> 00:15:24,679
God, I hate being guilted
into doing things.
261
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:29,600
And after all that, the loans,
the bail, the kidney I gave her...
262
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:33,562
...which even though it wasn't mine,
was still money out of pocket...
263
00:15:33,771 --> 00:15:35,773
...did she appreciate my sacrifices?
264
00:15:36,399 --> 00:15:37,900
I'm guessing no.
265
00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:41,529
She threw them away on chasing
after men with drinking problems...
266
00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:44,907
...men with gambling problems,
men with wooden legs and glass eyes.
267
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,325
You wanna know why?
268
00:15:48,327 --> 00:15:50,413
Spare parts?
269
00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:53,207
Low self-esteem.
270
00:15:53,999 --> 00:15:55,835
I remember
when we were little girls...
271
00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:58,254
...she had this crush
on our cousin Jimmy...
272
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:02,383
- He wasn't really our cousin. He was...
- Stop, please! Enough.
273
00:16:03,426 --> 00:16:05,803
If you won't talk to her, I will.
274
00:16:07,179 --> 00:16:10,182
Finally. I was running out of stories.
275
00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:13,519
Daisy?
276
00:16:16,897 --> 00:16:18,482
Can I talk to you for a minute?
277
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:24,071
Daisy is no longer inhabiting
this earthly vessel.
278
00:16:26,866 --> 00:16:28,200
Excuse me?
279
00:16:28,784 --> 00:16:32,496
I am Oxyquatzal,
warrior priestess of the Aztec people.
280
00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:35,499
Okay.
281
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:38,461
Let me ask you something.
282
00:16:38,627 --> 00:16:42,214
Do you know how to make
those little hot dogs wrapped in pastry?
283
00:16:42,965 --> 00:16:45,551
Listen carefully.
I have a message for Daisy.
284
00:16:45,718 --> 00:16:48,387
- Really?
- She's wandered off the path of destiny.
285
00:16:48,554 --> 00:16:50,055
She must return.
286
00:16:50,681 --> 00:16:53,601
Alrighty, is there a number
where she can reach you?
287
00:16:54,059 --> 00:16:55,811
Tell her to follow her bliss...
288
00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:58,564
...to stop squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
289
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:02,359
- Got it.
- Do you need to write that down?
290
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:06,530
No, I got it. Path, bliss, spirit.
291
00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:10,284
- Great Spirit.
- Sorry. "Great Spirit."
292
00:17:10,451 --> 00:17:13,704
- Anything else?
- No, that's it.
293
00:17:20,211 --> 00:17:23,964
- What do you want?
- You're screwing with me, right?
294
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:28,219
Get out of here.
I'm trying to channel my spirit guide.
295
00:17:28,427 --> 00:17:29,887
OxyContin?
296
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,474
Oxyquatzal. How do
you know about her?
297
00:17:33,849 --> 00:17:35,142
Oh, boy.
298
00:17:35,351 --> 00:17:37,144
Berta!
299
00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:41,398
Was Oxyquatzal here?
What did she say?
300
00:17:43,609 --> 00:17:45,986
She said that the guests
are gonna be here soon...
301
00:17:46,153 --> 00:17:49,865
...so you should make up
with your sister and finish cooking.
302
00:17:50,074 --> 00:17:51,700
No, she didn't.
303
00:17:51,909 --> 00:17:53,661
How do you know?
304
00:17:53,869 --> 00:17:57,998
Oxyquatzal is a 500-year-old
Aztec warrior.
305
00:17:58,165 --> 00:18:01,210
Do you think she really cares
about your dumb-ass party?
306
00:18:01,377 --> 00:18:03,879
Everybody likes a party.
307
00:18:04,421 --> 00:18:06,131
What did she really say, Chachi?
308
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:12,179
She said that you have strayed from
your path and to follow your bliss...
309
00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:15,099
...which is catering, right?
- No, I never liked catering.
310
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:18,852
I only got into it because the bait
business was so damn competitive.
311
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:20,771
What else?
312
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:26,360
Something about squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
313
00:18:26,568 --> 00:18:29,863
Oh, man, that is heavy.
314
00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:33,701
For an ancient chick,
she is so spot on.
315
00:18:34,368 --> 00:18:37,329
Well, no sense crying over
squandered gifts.
316
00:18:37,496 --> 00:18:39,206
What do you say
we go to the kitchen?
317
00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:44,002
What's the point?
My life is hopeless. My dreams are dead.
318
00:18:44,169 --> 00:18:46,338
Yeah, but what if they weren't?
319
00:18:48,173 --> 00:18:50,092
- What do you mean?
- Oh, I don't know.
320
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,845
What if there was some way
I could help you?
321
00:18:53,512 --> 00:18:56,557
You think you could whip up
some rumaki then?
322
00:18:57,057 --> 00:18:59,184
You don't even know
what my dreams are.
323
00:18:59,393 --> 00:19:02,688
Oh, come on. Work with me, baby.
I don't even know what rumaki is!
324
00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:08,652
Oh, gosh, Alan,
I don't know about this.
325
00:19:08,861 --> 00:19:11,613
- Is my hair all right?
- Mom, your hair looks perfect.
326
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:14,491
You're impeccably dressed,
you're fashionably late...
327
00:19:14,658 --> 00:19:16,493
...and everybody is waiting for you.
328
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:20,205
So, now, come on, let's walk in there
and rub their noses in your success.
329
00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:22,249
Well, all right.
330
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:24,209
- Alan.
- What?
331
00:19:24,668 --> 00:19:26,545
You're blocking me.
332
00:19:57,784 --> 00:19:59,661
Rumaki?
333
00:20:02,206 --> 00:20:06,293
I will never, ever forgive you for this.
334
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:18,971
One thing. One lousy thing I ask
from my sons, and this is what I get.
335
00:20:20,431 --> 00:20:22,099
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
336
00:20:22,599 --> 00:20:26,353
Not only was I roundly ignored
at my own party...
337
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,022
...but I listened
to a disturbed caterer belt out...
338
00:20:29,189 --> 00:20:31,316
...the entire score
of La Cage aux Folles.
339
00:20:32,818 --> 00:20:34,111
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
340
00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:35,988
You should be sorry.
341
00:20:36,405 --> 00:20:37,740
We are.
342
00:20:37,948 --> 00:20:39,324
Then say it.
343
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,077
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
344
00:20:42,286 --> 00:20:43,454
Hello?
345
00:20:44,079 --> 00:20:45,956
Jake, honey, ready to go home?
346
00:20:46,373 --> 00:20:50,544
Mom, you're here. I love you.
347
00:20:52,463 --> 00:20:56,049
Wonderful. Teach him sarcasm.
Thank you very much.
348
00:20:58,844 --> 00:21:00,637
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
349
00:21:25,287 --> 00:21:27,372
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
350
00:21:27,539 --> 00:21:29,625
[ENGLISH]
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