Original subtitles

In the last episode of The Adventures of Lena and Woodley, Cole became an

international jewel thief.

And Frank was the sole survivor of a plane crash in the African Congo.

Hang on.

That's not what happened.

Oh, yeah, I know. I'm just trying to freak out the people who watched last

You know, make them go, hey, I don't remember seeing that.

Just tell them what happened. Oh, okay. Will we show the titles first? Sure.

I got the feeling.

Got a bit of an inkling.

This is gonna be one of those days.

This is the show about me.

And me. And all the things I do and all the things I see.

And also what I see. I get the feeling.

Got a bit of an inkling.

As long as we're together, it'll be okay.

In the last episode of The Adventures of Lena and Woodley... You are the baby

photographers, aren't you?

Oh, no, we're going to... What's his name?

Chris.

Chris.

The photographer's great, Mr Drysdale. Your son is so photogenic.

Do I look like the kind of person who takes hands from someone else's

area? There's been a mix -up. Quick, quick, quick. You go and get the real

Chris.

And I'll tell Mr Drysdale he's got the wrong baby, OK?

I'm taking the baby back. Franklin, you ought to.

We'll probably spend the rest of our lives in jail.

Hello!

I'm a big governor, and this is my wife's baby boy.

We're expecting her for jail.

No baby here.

Okay, you can go, thanks.

What the hell are we doing?

We've stolen a baby. We've stolen a bloody baby.

Come on, tiger.

Come on, walk to me.

The baby's a week old.

Little Chris can't walk anywhere.

Well, that's the kind of negative parenting that I've come to expect from

Your dog saved our baby.

We thought it was going to attack the child.

My dog's never bitten a child in its life.

You're a good boy, aren't you, hey?

Oh,

you're

gorgeous.

You're a beautiful, adorable...

I'm sure you just carry on about nothing. There's nothing... Hello!

Oh, yeah!

What

are

we going to do? I mean, we haven't got any other nappies.

Um, we'll get a towel and we'll cut a nappy -style square out of it.

idea, Colin. That's a very good idea, actually. Hey, what are you doing?

my towel.

Oh, I didn't even realise. I just grabbed the first one I saw. Well, why

have to use my towel?

Well, why do we have to use my towel?

Look, this is ridiculous.

This is so petty. Look, it doesn't worry me whose towel we use.

Well, it doesn't worry me either, really. Okay, well, if it doesn't worry

and it doesn't worry me, we've just got to use one of the towels. So let's just

use your towel.

Colin! Start that again, please.

We haven't got time for that nonsense. We're in a hurry. Quick, pass me your

towel.

Okay, there you go.

Hang on. Okay, fine. We'll use my towel.

While we're arguing, the little baby is suffering in there with a dirty nappy.

Why don't we just make a decision we're using my towel?

It'll be better this way anyway.

Good. Well, why will it be better this way?

Well, my, uh... My towel's more hygienic.

It'll be cleaner. I think my towel's cleaner. All right, we'll use your

Well, you turned around rather quickly.

Okay, we'll use my towel. Good.

We're going to use Carl's towel to... That

was my towel.

Oh, was it?

Oh, sorry. Oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.

That's right, it doesn't matter, so we'll use your towel.

I thought I was an octopus.

Right, let's get that little nappy on you, you little noona, don't you?

Bit, bit.

I can't stand it.

I can't stand it anymore!

Hey. Get off me!

Hey, come on. You knew that having a little one would put extra strain on our

relationship.

What? But come on, for better or for worse.

Can you stop this marriage crisis?

Are you saying that you want a divorce?

If you say one more word about us being married, you'll be sorry.

There's another woman, isn't there?

about all this ridiculous nonsense I've been carrying on with.

It's just that having this strange baby in our house, it's really freaked me

out.

Yeah, I'm sorry too. I probably haven't been the best husband in the...

Okay.

I'm sorry, love.

I'm sorry, too.

Hello, Sergeant.

Hello. Is it on? I don't know. How do you get it to record?

I don't know. What does that light do?

I don't know. Does that mean it's on? Well, I'm not sure. Yeah, I think we're

meant to be speaking now.

Cole! Cole! Pick up the phone! There's some cops coming up to the flat!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh. I wonder who that was.

Oh, well, I guess we'll never know.

So, how are you doing? Do you want some coffee? Tea?

Biscuit? Cake? Do you want to sit down? Or do you want to... Are you fine? Are

you good? Are you well?

Interesting. Fascinating. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hello.

Are you fine? Are you good? Are you well? Like, how are you? Tell me, would

like to sit down and have a cup of tea or a coffee? The message said to hide

something. Hide what?

Drug!

Yeah,

the drugs.

See, we're international drug barons.

And we've got drugs stashed all over this place.

So, now that we've been caught, might as well hand them over.

There you go.

Well, Might as well take us away.

These are aspirin. These are legal drugs.

Really?

Legal?

Are you serious?

How embarrassing.

All that effort to run that worldwide secretive drug ring and, you know,

just legal.

How silly of us.

I actually hear about a missing baby.

Baby? Baby.

Uh...

Get rid of the ploppy pants.

What was that?

What ploppy pants?

No, I didn't say ploppy pants. I said, uh, poppy plant.

Not ploppy pants.

See, we've got heaps of opium poppy plants all around the flat. Yeah, hidden

everywhere. Oh, yeah, here's one. Here's one just here.

That's a cactus.

Cactus.

Really?

Is it?

Let's get out of here, council.

It's a waste of time.

Who's next on the list?

Well, we've located everyone on the scene except for an Indian couple called

Govinda and Mirabai.

They seem to have disappeared into thin air.

And the only other people we haven't spoken to are the Drysdales. All right,

let's get out of here. Let's go.

Bye -bye, then.

Bye -bye, bye -bye.

Me, me, me.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me.

I'm Steve McQueen. Me, me, me.

Me, me, me, me, me. From the Great Escape.

Me, me, me.

Me, me. Me, me. I'm getting away from you cops. Me, me, me, me. I'm taking all

the drugs with me. Me, me, me.

Me, me.

Me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me.

Did you hear what they said? They're going to the Drysdale's now.

Give me an idea.

We'll follow them to the Drysdale. We'll find out where they live. We'll swap

the babies and then take the other baby back to the hospital with an anonymous

note. I agree. It's unanimous.

No, it's anonymous. It's pronounced anonymous.

No, don't wake him. Don't wake him.

We finally got him to sleep. It wouldn't be fair.

One of us will have to stay here and look after the baby, and the other one

have to follow the cop and find out where the Drysdale's live.

And then we'll swap the babies back later.

Okay, I'll stay with the baby.

I'm not leaving you alone with the baby.

All right, I'll follow the cops. Where are the car keys?

The car keys?

There's no way I'm going to let you drive the car.

Well, how am I going to follow the cops?

I told you, Carl, this is definitely the house.

And this is the baby's room.

There's a bassinet, and there's an Australian animal mobile with all sorts

marsupials on it.

There's a koala, and a kangaroo, and a platypus.

Although, technically, the platypus is not a marsupial. It's actually one of

only two egg -laying mammals known as monotremes. The other is an echidna.

I don't give a stuff about your biology lesson. Let's just swap the babies and

get out of here.

All right.

Well, congratulations on the boy again. He must be so proud.

You don't mind if I take these empty cans with me, do you?

Actually, we have a man who comes and collects our cans.

Oh, yeah, I know, but I thought, as long as I'm here, you know... So, it's his

designated area.

OK,

I'll lower this one down. You swap them and bring the other baby up.

Darling, don't you worry.

Oh, fantastic.

Now we've stolen two babies. Frank, there's no time to chat. We must run

the speed of a thousand gazelles.

Get the lamp, the stupid bloody lamp.

I've got a plan. I've got a plan.

Good, good, good, good. We're going to drive really fast.

Good plan.

Catch up to the truck.

Good plan. Get really close. Good plan. And then you're going to climb out the

window onto the bonnet and grab the babies.

Bad plan.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Well I don't know what you're doing!

I'm okay, Carl!

I'm okay!

I know I've got a lot of cans, but honestly, they all came from my

designated area.

Not in there.

Did you turn me in?

You bastards!

I swear this is the first time I've ever

taken cans from someone else's designated area.

This is terrible, Colt.

We're going to spend the rest of our lives in prison.

Frank.

Leave it to me.

I'm sure I'll be able to explain.

Next time, I explain.

All about me. All about me, Mom. And all the things I do.

And all that I see.

And all that I see. I got a feeling.

I've got a beat about it.