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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,770 Come over here. Have a look at this. 2 00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,850 It's the Penguin Man costume. 3 00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:29,930 You know, from the Penguin Muffler ads on TV. 4 00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,750 I love Penguin Man. 5 00:00:33,530 --> 00:00:37,770 What an honour to be entrusted with the cleaning of Penguin Man's costume. 6 00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:40,030 I love him. He's brilliant. 7 00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:42,510 I love that little waddle he does. 8 00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:44,810 Penguin Man's crap. 9 00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,170 You take that back. 10 00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:49,790 You take that, fuck you lot! 11 00:01:20,430 --> 00:01:22,970 I got the feeling, got a bit of an inkling. 12 00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:26,730 This is going to be one of those days. 13 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,090 This is a show about me. 14 00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:35,510 And me. And all the things I do and all the things I see. And also what I see. I 15 00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:37,930 got the feeling, got a bit of an inkling. 16 00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:41,590 As long as we're together, it'll be okay. 17 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,560 Do, do, do, do, do. 18 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:39,230 Why don't we swap? You wash and I'll dry. 19 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,620 No, thanks. No. 20 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,920 I'd prefer not to get too close to the sink if you don't mind. 21 00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:50,980 Why? 22 00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,680 I'm afraid of water. 23 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:56,920 I can't swim. 24 00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:00,520 Don't be ridiculous, Frank. Come here. It'll be fine. 25 00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:02,660 Are you sure? 26 00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:03,940 Yes. 27 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:09,370 and there was... Come 28 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:16,209 here, you little ragamuffin. Look, your shorts are all 29 00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:21,490 crooked, and look at your cap, that's all skewiff, and let me straighten your 30 00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:22,490 goggles for you. 31 00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:57,270 You can do it. 32 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,690 That's it, Frank. Do it for me. Make me drown. 33 00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,190 That's good. 34 00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:06,050 Do it, Frank. Come on. 35 00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:08,130 Swimming's fun, isn't it? 36 00:05:09,370 --> 00:05:11,230 Don't get down in the dumps. 37 00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,890 It's just a little further. 38 00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:16,170 All right. You've got to do lots of... Oh, God. 39 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,160 anything I can do? You just stand right back. I need some room here. Everybody 40 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,040 stand right back, please. Okay, get right back, please. Give us some room, 41 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,200 please. Stand right back. 42 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,320 Madam, please get right back. Get right back, please. 43 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,820 You, you, come here. Get right back. 44 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,660 Right back. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 45 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,440 Okay, come on, ladies and gentlemen. Stand right back, please. 46 00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,840 Come on, right back. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. Please stand right back. 47 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:05,940 Come on. 48 00:06:06,090 --> 00:06:09,330 Get right back, please. He's a friend of mine. I'll look after him. 49 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:12,210 Please get right back, ladies and gentlemen. Right back. 50 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:14,930 He's a friend of mine. I'll look after him. Get right back. 51 00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,030 Are my instructions unclear? 52 00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:18,370 Are they a little blurry? 53 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:19,430 Get right back. 54 00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,570 I'm writing in my diary. 55 00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:56,610 All about my new girlfriend. 56 00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:03,830 Frank, she was giving you mouth to mouth to save your life. 57 00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:07,470 Rubbish. She was kissing me. 58 00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:09,950 You're a noodle nut. 59 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,810 She's wonderful, Colin. 60 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,030 She's wonderful. 61 00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,370 Oh, we have a love that is timeless. 62 00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:21,770 We go together like Romeo. 63 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 and Juliet. 64 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,600 Samson and Delilah. 65 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,340 Shaggy and Scooby. 66 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,020 Happy anniversary, darling. 67 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:32,940 Happy anniversary. 68 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,380 Can I take your order? 69 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000 Yeah. 70 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,500 Hey. 71 00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:44,100 I know you, don't I? 72 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,600 I'm Garth Delancey. 73 00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,020 Garth. 74 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,910 That doesn't ring a bell, no. The swimmer. 75 00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:55,830 Swimmer. Swimmer. 76 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,670 I won a gold medal at the Moscow Olympics. 77 00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:00,590 Really? 78 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:02,710 But no. 79 00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:10,470 You are Penguin 80 00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:13,790 Man from the deli! You're Penguin Man! 81 00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:15,910 Oh, God! 82 00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:19,930 Yeah, well, I do do some promotional work for Penguin Mufflers. Whoa! 83 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,880 I really just prefer it if he didn't make a fuss. 84 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:35,679 Hey, who wants Penguin Man to do his almost waddle? Shut up! Shut up about 85 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:41,900 Okay, Penguin Man. 86 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,320 I need to get shirt. 87 00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:51,520 You large bird characters from TV are all the same. 88 00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:04,470 to Wendy. 89 00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:14,510 You're giving your toenails to her? 90 00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:19,170 Yeah, some people give locks of their hair, but I love my hair too much, so 91 00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,170 giving her these. 92 00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:28,690 Oh, Frankie, you're so naive. You've got no idea how to 93 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,030 woo a woman. 94 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,650 Don't be crude. 95 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:33,670 Crude? What are you talking about? 96 00:09:35,670 --> 00:09:36,670 Woo a woman. 97 00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,170 Doesn't that mean get with a woman and go, woo? 98 00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:42,970 No, it means to court a woman. 99 00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,270 Well, once I've caught a woman, I hope we get to go, woo! 100 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:11,090 frankie but luckily for you you've got me to teach you the elusive 101 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:17,910 art of seduction okay frank when trying to attract women you have 102 00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:22,770 to be delicate but you also have to be creative you know try something a little 103 00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:29,090 out of the ordinary watch the master at work 104 00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:10,910 Sorry. Oh, sorry. 105 00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:13,370 Sorry. 106 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:49,470 you back to the pool to show you how to win the heart of your beloved. 107 00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:51,690 Hang on, I've just got to get some sunscreen. 108 00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:19,730 Frank, you better go to the change rooms and smarten yourself up so that when 109 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,890 Wendy sees you, she'll see you at your best. 110 00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:36,050 You all right? 111 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,470 No, not really. 112 00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:40,470 Scar. 113 00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:45,910 I just don't know what to say to him to let him know that I... 114 00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:48,070 what's happened to him. 115 00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:50,130 I still love him. 116 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:55,830 Maybe if you're finding it difficult, you could write everything down and let 117 00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:56,830 him know in a letter. 118 00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:58,690 A letter? 119 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,050 Yeah, that's a good idea. 120 00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,190 Good. Thanks. 121 00:13:40,010 --> 00:13:46,650 introduce you to the greatest aphrodisiac known to modern humanity the 122 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:47,650 pool 123 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,160 Frank, look, Wendy's just come on duty as the lifeguard for the diving pool. 124 00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,140 This is your big chance to impress her. 125 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,080 Told you before, no running by the pool. 126 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,060 She wasn't looking. I'll have to try again. 127 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,490 No, try again. 128 00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:48,810 It is the emperor of belly whackers. 129 00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:51,770 Okay, my boy. 130 00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,330 That doesn't seem to have worked. 131 00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,390 I think it's time he brought out the big guns, Frank. 132 00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:01,830 The ten metre tower. 133 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,360 Frank, come here. Come here! 134 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:34,700 Now, Frank, this is your big chance to 135 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:37,440 impress Wendy. Now, I've got a plan. Listen carefully. 136 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:39,240 You've got to settle yourself. 137 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,360 Good plan. 138 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,100 Walk slowly and carefully along the rail. 139 00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,840 Good plan. Go right up to the edge. 140 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:48,960 Good plan. 141 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,440 And then jump off, doing a triple back somersault with four twists. 142 00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:02,529 Bad plan. 143 00:17:02,530 --> 00:17:04,050 Frank, come on. 144 00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,589 Do you want Wendy to be yours or not? 145 00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:19,849 Oh, Danny 146 00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:20,910 boy. 147 00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:25,210 The pipes, the pipes are... 148 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,590 What's wrong? 149 00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,230 What's the matter? What is it? 150 00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:19,310 At the shopping centre, I did an experiment. 151 00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:24,750 I asked people to raise their hands if they knew I'd won a gold medal, and 152 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:29,230 nobody did. Not one single person. 153 00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:34,070 You know what this means, don't you? 154 00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:37,530 I've become Penguin Man. 155 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,590 I am Penguin Man. 156 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:47,240 I hate what I've become. I hate Penguin Man. I hate... 157 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,380 Sweetheart. 158 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,900 Penguin Man. 159 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,740 Nice cup of tea. 160 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,620 I hate... Hey, Wendy, where are the swimming tickets? 161 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,720 They're on my deck. 162 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,680 I'm going to kill... 163 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,150 their certificate. 164 00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:18,990 All right, guys, here we go. 165 00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:52,470 Dearly beloved, I'm writing this to tell you how much I love you. 166 00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:56,070 You're the only man I could ever love. 167 00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:59,430 Yours always, Wendy. 168 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,790 She loves me. 169 00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:06,470 She loves me. 170 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,160 realise you were appearing in the pool today. 171 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,880 I wish my friend Cole was here. He loves you. 172 00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,500 Cole! It's you! 173 00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:34,620 Black wings and they don't fly and it's hard to move in them. I hate the look 174 00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:35,900 and the tail. 175 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,120 Teresa. 176 00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:43,240 Sweetheart, don't just stay here. 177 00:21:43,790 --> 00:21:44,790 I've gotta find something. 178 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,180 life is just crumbling around me. I don't know why I'm surprised. 179 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,980 Who would want to love anyone as pathetic as me? 180 00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,520 My life is... 181 00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:14,390 This is all your fault. I hate you, penguin man. 182 00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:16,610 But darling, you're penguin man. 183 00:23:16,870 --> 00:23:19,070 So it's true. That's how you see me too. 184 00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:25,850 You are my dark nemesis, penguin man. I knew I must meet you face to face and 185 00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:31,390 battle you for control of my mind. Darling, what's wrong with you? Now I 186 00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:32,590 kill penguin man. 187 00:23:44,170 --> 00:23:45,210 But you can't hide. 188 00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:54,110 Get back! 189 00:23:55,410 --> 00:24:00,130 It's your daughter's pistol, penguin man. I used to be an Olympic swimmer, 190 00:24:00,150 --> 00:24:02,410 remember? Before you destroyed everything. 191 00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:12,500 What are we going to do, honey? 192 00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:24,640 I'm going to kill you, penguin man. 193 00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:26,140 Once and for all. 194 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,320 Do something, darling. 195 00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:35,760 I can see my flat from here. 196 00:26:40,010 --> 00:26:45,970 feelings for me were just a creation of my own imagination well 197 00:26:45,970 --> 00:26:49,730 i'll never let that happen again 13557