Original subtitles

Yo, yo!

I got the feeling, got a bit of an inkling.

This is going to be one of those days.

This is a show about me.

And me. And all the things I do and all the things I've seen. And also what I

see. I got the feeling, got a bit of an inkling.

As long as we're together, it'll be okay.

Did it. Did it.

hadn't have talked me into doing that stupid trick with the lift we'd still

a job well look on the bright side we don't have to go to work anymore we can

just muck around all day muck around well who's going to pay the bills who's

going to pay the rent you'll think of something i'll think of something

frank i think it's time that you actually took some responsibility for

life i'm not going to be around forever to look after you

What do you mean?

Well, tomorrow, I could get hit by a bus.

You're right.

That's true.

You could be killed. You could be killed and I'd be all alone.

I'd be all alone.

Just calm down. Just calm down.

I'm just trying to make a point.

I probably won't be.

Oh, good. I won't worry about it then.

But the point is, it might happen.

Frank. Frank, Frank, Frank, stop it!

The point I'm trying to make is that you've never grown up.

Life isn't all fun.

It's not all child's play.

It's a tough world out there, and you have to be strong to survive.

It's not all a game.

Hey, Cole, your hand looks like a duck when it makes a shadow on the wall.

There'll be another duck. Hello, Mr. Duck.

It's not a duck. It's not a duck, you stupid, stupid idiot!

Its neck is far too long. It's much more like a swamp.

I mean, what am I doing hanging around such a poor excuse for a man?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

Come on, let's get the newspaper and we'll look for a job. Come on.

Authentic masculinity.

A weekend workshop designed to help men find a relevant identity for the modern

age. Fantastic, that's just what I need. I'll do this weekend workshop and

that'll help sort me out.

Oh no.

It costs a thousand dollars.

Don't worry, Frank.

I can run a manhood workshop for you this weekend right in this very flat at

only a fraction of the cost.

Really? Yeah. Although, unfortunately, the fraction is $999 ,000.

Welcome, everyone. Welcome to this secluded weekend of self -discovery and

quest for authentic manhood.

entitled Primal Enlightened Nobleman in Society, or penis for short.

Tonight will be an introduction to meditation, then tomorrow we'll be

the hunting songs of the Indian Apache Braves, visualising ourselves as huge

hairy giants, weaving ceremonial headgear from our own pubic hair, and

much more.

And then on Sunday, our grand finale will be a spectacular initiation

in which we will unleash the power of the Primal Warrior!

Okay, but first, let's go around the circle and learn a bit about each other.

Why don't we start with, uh... Oh, you. What was your name again?

Frank. Frank.

Great. Frank, have you got any hobbies?

Well, actually, Carl, I do. I collect beautiful multicoloured autumn leaves.

I'll show you.

I've collected thousands of them and I've stuck them all into this very, very

special album.

Oh, that's great, Frank. That's terrific.

It's great to have a hobby, isn't it? I think we can all take a leaf out of

Frank's book and really...

No, you're not taking any leaves out of my book. It's taken me years to break

them. Get your own leaves! Okay, okay, let's just move on, shall we?

Great. Is this the part where we... Oh, it is!

The power of the primal warrior!

No.

Not yet.

Right. Now, the first thing we're going to do is a meditation session, so

everyone close your eyes.

Come on, everyone.

That's great, great.

Now focus on the gentle, natural rhythm of your breath as it flows in and out.

In and out.

In... Frank, what's wrong? What's wrong?

I can't sit on the floor very comfortably, Colin. My knees are killing

That's fine. Just sit up on the couch then.

Now.

Frank, can't you just sit still for a few minutes?

Okay. Let your body drift away into a place of inner tranquility.

Let your whole body relax.

Frank!

Frank, stop it!

Stop it!

Look at me!

Frank, Frank, can't you see? People are trying to meditate!

Watch this! I'm going to go up the arm! Watch me! Watch me! Look at me!

Did I see what you did?

Did I see what you did?

Just watch this.

All right?

All right, here we go.

Right. I'm going to jump off the back of the couch, bounce on the cushions, go

up in the air, do a single somersault with two twists and land on the floor in

the splits.

So just stand back and be yours.

The best thing to do is... OK,

OK, OK.

Everyone, the power will be back on in the flat soon.

Not exactly sure what happened. Some sort of short circuit caused the power

surge through the building. That's right.

And the power surge blew up the motor in my fridge. It's completely destroyed.

Has anyone got any idea how this could have happened?

No. Not at all.

Our first session of the day, our oriental combat workshop.

Great, is this the bit where we unleash the power of the prime warrior?

No, that's later.

That's later? Yes.

Well, let's get changed while I explain.

So you can read a book or go for a walk or chat amongst yourselves.

Great.

I'm going to go for a long walk and collect autumn leaves.

You better make it a really long walk.

Why? It's spring.

Oh, actually, before all you fellas head off, I do need a volunteer to help me

build a campfire. Is anybody interested in helping me with that?

Frank?

Do you want to give me a hand with the campfire?

Do I have to?

You know, I don't think you're pulling your weight, frankly.

My name's not frankly.

What? You dropped the wood.

Where?

Frankly, my name's Frank Woodley.

What?

Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable.

What makes you uncomfortable?

Frankly.

Well, yes, I'd prefer it if you were honest with me. What's upsetting you?

I don't like it when you drop the wood.

I didn't drop the wood. Frankly, I don't know what you're talking about. Don't

call me frankly. Just cut the wood.

I'm not cutting the wood. It's part of my name.

Just grab the axe and cut up some pieces of timber for me.

Oh, okay. Why didn't you say so?

You know what we should do?

We should have a big campfire sing -along. Great.

And sing some songs that everybody knows and we can all join in and have a great

time. Fantastic.

Okay. Has anybody got a guitar?

Oh, here's one.

Oh, okay. So what's a song that everybody knows?

Oh, I know.

They drag along the ground when she walks.

They... Come on, everyone. They get tangled all round her tootsies.

Enormous heels, old girl.

Surely you... Why don't we just make a song up?

You play some music and I'll make up some words. Come on. Okay. It'll be

Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.

That sounds pretty good. It does. From Glen to Glen.

Hey, Glen. Yes, Glen. Listen to these pipes, Glen. They sound great, Glen.

Thanks, Glen. Bye, Glen. Bye, Glen.

And down the mountainside.

Tom and Lane, I'm Pan Pipe Solo.

Well, we've all had a great day, haven't we, fellas? We've learnt a lot. And the

trance dance in the teepee where we were all possessed by our own personal

animal spirit guide was most impressive.

My personal animal spirit guide was the wolf.

What was yours?

Mine was... ..the aconda.

Don't you mean anaconda?

It wasn't just anaconda.

It was the Wakanda.

Frank, when are you going to start taking this seriously? Look, this whole

weekend is to make you into a man.

You know, I might not be around forever.

Oh, listen to those crickets.

Isn't it great to be in...

The sprinklers have been switched off and we'll have everything cleaned up

soon. Well, it's a bit late now.

First, my fridge is blown up. Now my brand new leather couch is completely

ruined. I'm very sorry.

I just can't understand how the sprinklers and alarm went off.

I mean, there must have been a fire of some sort to activate them.

Now, is everyone very sure they weren't doing anything at all in their flat that

could have caused this?

No, we weren't. Absolutely.

So,

after all the sharing we've done over the last couple of days,

it's the activity we've all been waiting for.

I think you know what I'm talking about.

Unleash the power.

the Primal Warrior?

Exactly! We're going to unleash the power of the Primal Warrior!

Now, our first

test is the test of our ability to overcome pain by using the power of the

Now, in this plastic bag, I have prickles, And sharp twigs.

Now I'm going to sprinkle them on the floor.

And then, harnessing the power of the primal warrior,

I will walk across these prickles barefoot.

And I will feel no pain.

Don't try and stop me, Frank. It's all right.

have to try something else.

Right. This next test is the test of your courage.

Right.

Right.

You take this apple and I'll take this bow and arrow.

Okay. Now you put the apple on your head, on your head. Come on. And I'm

to stand over there.

Now I've never used a bow and arrow in my life, but harnessing the power of the

inner warrior, I'm going to shoot this arrow through your head.

Through the apple on your head.

Right, okay.

I don't know.

I'm not sure about this. I just, I don't feel that. In fact, I just remembered

I've got this overdue library book. I've got to take it back. Come on, Frank.

Come on.

Don't you trust me?

I know exactly what I'm doing.

Okay, Frank.

You stand here.

You stand here and repeat after me.

I am the warrior.

you better than that.

the fact that my Autumn Leaf album was in my jacket pocket.

That arrow would have gone straight through my heart.

And now for our next test.

Next test?

Next test?

What the hell are you talking about?

There isn't going to be a next test.

If it wasn't for pure luck, I'd be a dead man.

Come on, Frank, calm down. I'm sure you're just making a big deal out of

nothing. I'm sure that if we... It's okay, I've got my shoe on. It's okay.

What was I thinking?

What was I thinking? This whole weekend has been a farce.

Come on, Frank, calm down.

I'm not going to calm down.

Penis doesn't stand for primal, enlightened noblemen in society.

It stands for...

great you guys living together you must really love each other love each other

love each other

You owe me $999.

No way!

Your workshop was a jack!

But don't you see?

By the end of the weekend, you stood up to me.

You were courageous and assertive.

Frank, I think you've become a man.

I think you're right, Cole.

I believe I've become as big a man as you.

Well, I wouldn't go...