All language subtitles for The Adventures Of Lano & Woodley - S01e05 - Starquest

Hey Frank, guess who's hiring the
Marquis?

Leslie Ismore.

Who? The guy from the telly, the guy
from Starquest.

He's having a big party.

I bet there'll be heaps of celebrities
here.

Pretty exciting, hey?

Hey, maybe there'll be some big -time
movie directors or something.

Maybe I'll get discovered.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I'll get discovered too.

Maybe you'll get discovered.

Maybe you'll get... Maybe you'll get...
You

might get... Oh,

you're

gorgeous.

Come on, mister. Time for lunch.

It's going to be great in there tonight,
isn't it? With all those pop stars and

dancers and actors.

I wonder if any of the great Hollywood
actors will be there, Cole, like

Burton.

There's no such person, you idiot. It's
either Charlton Heston or Richard

Burton.

No, Charlton Burton.

There's a Charlton Burton. He was in
that film, that classic film. Everybody

loves it. The long, long eyebrow.

It's my favourite.

I've got a feeling, got a bit of an
inkling.

This is going to be one of those days.

This is a show about me.

And me. And all the things I do and all
the things I see.

And also what I think. I've got a
feeling, got a bit of an inkling.

As long as we're together, it'll be
okay.

we got fired again.

And now I won't get to meet all those
famous people.

I won't get discovered, you little
dickhead.

Sticks and stones will break my bones,
but names will only cause permanent

psychological damage.

What does the TV show ever produce?

It's Starquest.

Starquest, fantastic.

Look at me, look at me, I want everyone
to look at me on Starquest.

Hi, I'm Leslie Ismore.

You're jealous.

Let's get this show off and running with
our carrier the champion from last

week, the fantastic, the fabulous, Mr
Ricky Supreme!

I can sing better than this guy. I

should be on the TV.

I'm on the TV.

Get it?

I'm on the TV.

Frank, get down. You'll get hurt.

Don't worry, Cole. I've got the balance
of a mountain goat. Yeah, but I'll hurt

you if you don't get down.

Cole, what can possibly go wrong?

Oh, good one, Frank. Good one.

Well, look, Frank, you've wrecked the
TV. How am I going to watch Starquest

Sorry. Oh, good one. Good!

At least we can still hear what's
happening.

Carl, I didn't mean to... Hey,

Carl.

I've got to admit, he's quite a good
mover.

Yeah, but he's shocking. Why'd it even
bother?

He puts in an effort, and you've got to
admire him for that.

Well, Hitler put in an effort, but
should I admire him?

Hello, Gary.

Could you come over here quick, Smart?

How come?

Because there are two peeping Toms
having a good look into my lounge room.

That's how come.

We're just about to start learning high
kicks.

I can't miss out on this stuff. I'll
fall behind.

Oh, forget it.

If you think you've got what it takes
to...

Frank, quick, take this number down.

Don't hesitate. Here it is. The number
is 555 -555 -5.

Number again, folks.

555 -555 -5.

What was that 11th number?

Five.

Guess what, Frank?

We're going to audition for StarQuest.

It's just so exciting.

It's just so exciting.

It's just so exciting.

Oh.

Sorry I'm late, Frankie.

wrong with me lately, you know? Trying
to fit too much in, I suppose.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about
it? My God, Francis, we've got so much

work to do.

The audition's tomorrow. I want to make
a good impression.

Now, let's get cracking, all right?

I guess you're right. You're damn right
I'm right. Now, no time for comics.

Let's clear the space.

Come on, I want lots of space to move
here. Move this table out of the way.

right, that's good, Francis. You're
putting in. Good, good on you. Okay.

Now, I've worked out the opening dance
routine.

All right? You follow me now. You just
watch, okay? And I'll do it. Okay? Here

we go.

Five, six, seven, eight. Kickball
change.

Kickball change. Point and flex. And
point and flex.

Twist, thrust.

Twist, thrust.

One, two, three. Leap and hold.

Two, three, four.

And lunge. Lunge.

Leap. And one, two, three. Arms, head
and bow. Finish. Okay.

Okay, your turn now. Let's quicken the
pace a little, okay?

Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight.
Kickball change, kickball change. Point

flex, point and flex. Twist and thrust,
twist and thrust. Leap, one, two, three,

four. Leap now. Head, leap and trip and
fall. Grab, fall, grab, fall.

All right, Francis Lovely, let's take a
break.

Okay, Frank, Frank.

I've worked out some new lyrics. for the
song we're going to do at Starquest

Audition, alright?

Now these words are quite revolutionary,
okay?

They're quite avant -garde. I'm really
pushing the envelope on this one. I'm

creating a whole new genre of
songwriting.

Okay, this is how the chorus goes. You
ready?

I'm in love, I'm in love, and that's no
lie.

I'm in love, I'm in love, and I'm never
going to say goodbye.

Are people ready for that? I don't care.

I don't care, Frank. If they're not
ready, that's not my responsibility,

All right?

Now... Now, let's pretend we're at the
TV studio, OK?

Just for argument's sake, let's pretend
that the audience is... ..just over

there, OK?

All right? And we'll pretend that
there's cameras here, here, here and

I never want to make you feel blue.

I never want to make you feel bad.

You know that's not the kind of thing I
do.

I'm in love.

I'm in love. And that's no lie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in love.

I'm in love. And I never want to say
goodbye.

Look, I know it's really tempting to
muck around a bit because, you know, the

entertainment industry is full of
colourful characters and crazy antics

of hijinks.

But behind the scenes, it's a life of
great focus and we have to stay centred,

alright?

It's just that it's so exciting, Carl.

It's just so exciting.

It's just so exciting.

Good out there, Frank.

This is my big chance to make a mark in
the world.

I want to be remembered. I want to be
famous.

I want to be an historical figure like
Alexander the Great or Scott of the

Antarctic or Weird Al Yankovic. I didn't
know anybody even lived in the

Antarctic.

What?

Scott.

Scott of the Antarctic.

He wasn't from the Antarctic. He was
English.

He went there on an expedition, but we
haven't got time to talk about that now.

Well, why do they call him Scott of the
Antarctic?

They should call him Scott who went to
the Antarctic.

I mean, you know, a friend of mine,
Russell, went to Thailand once, and I

call him Russell of Thailand.

Can we just get on with rehearsal,
please?

Why did he go there anyway?

He wanted to be the first man to reach
the South Pole, but he was beaten by

Norwegian guy.

He froze to death on the way back.

So they should call him Scott who went
to the Antarctic, but probably shouldn't

have.

They were all, like, courageous and
noble Englishmen, right?

And one of his, like, valiant
colleagues, Oat, had this really heroic

They were in the middle of nowhere in
the tent and they were freezing.

There was no food at all and they
thought they were at death's door.

And Oat just got up, walked towards the
door of the tent, and said with a stiff

upper lip,

I'm just going outside for a while.

I may be some time.

And he walked out into the snow, and he
was never seen of again.

They didn't even find his body.

No.

Apparently, the English sent out an
expedition 12 months later. Can we just

out of here?

I'm sick of not talking about something
else, aren't I?

Just come on and get on back with the
rehearsal.

I'm sick of you. Don't you realise
what's going on here, Frank? We're grown

-ups. We're not kids anymore.

This is real life. This is not some end
-of -camp concert.

This is serious business.

Just stop acting silly and just throw
up.

Because this is a serious business.

I'm sorry.

Okay, Frank, try not to botch this up,
all right? Just watch me, don't say a

word, and let me do the talking.

Lano and Woodley?

Oh, finally.

Coffee, white with four sugars, please.

Our dressing room must have a private
bathroom. Can you tell the make -up girl

that we only use a base Max Factor 44?

That's a 4 -4, darling. We will not
under any circumstances...

Take these two to the waiting room.

There's no coffee, but you can get
yourself tea from the urn, and we'll get

you when we're ready.

Yes, Charlton, darling, of course.

Does he know Charlton Heston?

No, Charlton Burton.

It's just so exciting.

It's just so exciting.

I was fantastic in that audition, Frank.

When are they going to ring?

Yes?

Yep.

Right.

Okay.

Thanks for calling.

Now that hurt.

But I don't care.

Because we're on!

Come on, Frank!

They want to see our new ride away. Come
on, let's get ourselves together. Come

on!

Okay, Frank, give me the car keys.

No, you've got the car keys.

No, I gave them to you.

I don't think you did.

I think that I did.

All right, stand back, Frank.

You're going to have to keep the door
down.

Cole, I don't think you should... Just
stand back.

But I just don't... Just stand back.

Couldn't be better.

Oh, Frank, look, there's a window open,
OK? You stay here, I'll go and get the

ladder, OK? But just don't do anything
until I get back.

come quick.

It's those two weirdos from over the
road again.

I think they're trying to get into my
flat.

Frank!

Frank! Where are you?

I thought I told you.

Right, you two, don't move.

My girlfriend wants me to sort you
perverts out.

Perverts? What do you mean, perverts?

You've been watching her with
binoculars.

What?

Oh, that.

No, we smashed our TV and we were
watching her TV. We were watching her.

watching Starquest.

Starquest? Don't mind that, Charles. We
really have to go.

Kathy said you were trying to get into
her flat.

We really do have to go. We're appearing
on Starquest tonight.

You're on Starquest?

Yeah.

Wow.

Well done.

Did well to get picked.

Congratulations. You must be very
talented.

Thanks.

But we really do have to go.

I'm sorry, I can't let you do that.

Don't open the doors.

Let's have a number from our current
champion, Mr.

Ricky Supreme.

I tell you what, instead of a number,
why don't we just get him to sing us a

song, eh?

The next big thing, Mr.

Ricky Supreme.

OK, fellas, just in case Leslie wants to
have a chat with you, I've got this

lapel mic for you to wear.

You see that button? That turns it on.
When it's live, the red light comes on.

You all right? You listening?

Huh? Yeah.

I'll come and turn it on just before
you're about to be introduced.

You got that?

Sweet.

Oh, are these two notes the same?

When the mic's on, is the red light on
or off?

I think I finally got the guitar tuned.

Listen to this.

Yeah, I think if it's on, then it's off.

Look at that Ricky Supreme.

What a jerk. What an absolute closer.

Tom, have I got time to go and do a poo?

Danny boy.

Oh, Danny boy.

next act of making their television
debut this evening, so be gentle with

It's their first time.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Your mic is on.

Scandal rocked the world of television
last night when the popular talent show

Starquest was cancelled after it became
known that it was reaped.

This was indirectly due to an abysmal
performance by two of the contestants.

Here's some of the incredibly
embarrassing footage from their...

You got what you wanted, Carl.

You're famous.

I'm just going outside for a while.