Original subtitles

Excuse me, we were asked to deliver some towels down here.

Yeah, and these smocks and stuff.

What kind of operation are you doing?

Sorry, my friend has no idea about... He's got no idea about correct...

No idea about correct medical...

It's all right, I've swallowed it.

I've got a feeling, got a bit of an inkling.

This is going to be one of those days.

This is a show about me.

And me. And all the things I do and all that I see.

And also what I think. I've got a feeling, got a bit of an inkling.

As long as we're together, it'll be okay.

Hey, Frank, think quick.

Frank, I don't know why you're so depressed. I mean, we got fired, but we

get fired.

Frank?

It's not the job.

I've been thinking about the hospital and all those sick people.

One day you're healthy, next day you're sick.

Some people get better, and some people don't.

It just gets sicker.

I'm sicker.

And then they die.

That can happen to anyone.

That can happen to me.

I don't want to die.

Frank, you're not going to die. You're not going to. I can't. I can't die.

Frank, just calm down. You're not going to die.

Not yet.

I can't talk.

Frank, you're not going to die. Just settle down. You're not going to die.

calm down.

You're not going to die. Just calm down.

Just calm down, Frank. Just calm down.

We can talk about it. We can talk about it. Just settle.

Just settle.

We're going to.

We're going to.

Settle.

I can't die.

Well, why can't you die? Everybody else can die, but you cannot.

Why?

I haven't had a...

Well, you haven't had a... Oh, righty. Oh,

dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Yeah,

it's a good bit of timber.

So you haven't had one, matey. You haven't had a...

Why, Carl, have you had a... Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yep, yeah.

Yeah, yep, yep.

Yep, yep, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep, yep.

Yep,

yep, yep.

Yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep, yep. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, yeah.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, I have.

Good on you, Cole.

Good on you, Collie.

Collie Wally.

Yeah, that's the way, Frankie.

Frankie Wanky, yeah.

Oh, dear.

Oh, the stories I can tell you.

The stories about my exploits with the opposite sex, if you know what I mean.

Any time you want a story.

Yeah, right. Tell me your story now.

When?

Yeah, now would be good.

Oh, now?

Oh, well,

I can't.

You know, because I haven't got time.

I haven't got time because I met a girl today and we're going on a date tonight,

you know, because I'm a pretty fast mover. So I'm going to get my skates on

get out of here.

Wow, what's the girl's name?

I'm sorry?

Wow! What's the girl's name?

Oh, the girl's name?

Oh, the girl's name is, uh... Oh, the girl's name is, uh... Jenny!

Jenny, that's a real nice name. What's her last name, Carl?

Uh, her last name is, uh, Jenny... Uh, Jenny, uh...

Window.

Jenny Window.

Anyway, gotta hit that shower.

Just one more thing.

I think it might be a good idea if you sleep on the couch tonight, buddy.

Because by the way Jenny was speaking today, tonight I could get

nothing.

dog breath.

Oh, yeah,

I'd love to, mister, but, you know, I had a pretty big night last night with

Jenny, so I'm pretty tired.

Anyway, I don't think I'm into that sort of stuff anymore, but you run along and

have a good time.

Come on, Carl.

the last thing I would want to do is to be patronising towards you.

But why don't you just run along and have a good time?

You're a funny little fella, aren't you, Target?

Eh? Off you pop, you little ruffigan.

Crazy kids.

Be a good little fella and put your toys away.

Hey, Carl, when I get a girlfriend too, we'll be able to go on double dates

together.

When you get a girlfriend.

When you get a girlfriend.

When you get a girlfriend.

When you get...

Hello, Mr Minnett?

Hi, do you cut keys there?

Oh, good. Look, I went out with this girl last night.

Yeah, Jenny.

Jenny Window, yeah.

Sensational. It's going really well.

In fact, so well, I'm going to ask her to move in with us pretty soon.

Yeah.

Look, I'm wanting to get an extra key cut for her so she can let herself in.

Yeah. I can't come down at the moment, so this is what the key looks like. It

goes along a bit, then down, then across, then down, then up and down,

along and up.

across, up, down, and then to a point.

Yeah. Alrighty.

Okay, matey.

Yeah, that's the shot, that's the ticket, that's the way.

Alright, better let you go, chief.

Alright.

Well, I've got another date with Jenny tonight, so I better be off.

No.

No, don't go, Cole.

I don't want you to go.

to keep yourself entertained for hours.

I've got to go, Frank. See you later.

What? Cole, don't go.

You've gone out every day this week.

It's no fun living with you anymore.

I might as well go back to Adelaide and live with Mum.

Frank, I'm going out with Jenny tonight. Look at these.

My new driving gloves.

I'm hiring a convertible BMW and we're going to go on a three -hour romantic

drive. It's going to be so perfect. So romantic.

I'll see you in three hours, OK?

I'm warning you.

If you walk out that door, when you come back, you might just find that I'm

standing here telling you that I'm going to leave.

I'll see you in three hours, Frank.

Three hours.

Why did I say three hours?

Why did I just say two hours?

Or an hour?

Half an hour.

We're going on a romantic drive for ten minutes.

Never had a girlfriend.

I nearly had one once, though.

I was sitting alone in this cafe and the most beautiful girl in the world walked

in.

She was so beautiful.

She had eyes.

Which was good.

Because the last girl I liked just had skin from the eyebrows down. It was a

weird.

Could I have a cafe latte, please?

Could I have a cafe latte, too, please?

But could I have mine with milk?

Actually, I think I'll have a cappuccino instead.

Actually, I'll have a cappuccino, too.

Well, why don't you just bring us a jaguccino?

I thought I should get the conversation going.

So I said in my most charming and seductive voice, can you pass me the

please?

She passed with the sugar.

And I was so nervous and excited that I didn't know whether to say thanks or

thank you.

So I said, thank.

And she was getting up to leave.

What could I do to make her stay? What could I do to stop her in her tracks?

Maybe trip her up on the way past the table?

No.

Something artistic.

Like a poem.

Or a painting.

Or maybe a modern contemporary dance piece.

Got to tell Frank the truth about Jenny.

Hiya.

Right.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hmm. Frank, can you get off the phone for a second? I've got something to tell

you.

Yeah. Can you just hold on for a tick?

Yeah, thanks.

I've got to tell you the truth about Jenny.

I dropped her.

Yeah, it wasn't working out.

I had to let her go. She was devastated.

Yeah, I know all about it, Cole.

Because this is actually Jenny that I'm talking to at the moment. She filled me

in. Frank, you don't understand.

I made the whole thing up.

I haven't been going out with anyone.

Jenny doesn't even exist.

Oh, hello,

Jenny. Yeah.

Yeah, hi.

I've got some rather bad news.

Apparently, you don't exist.

No.

No, not at all.

No, Cole made you up.

Yeah, I realise... Don't get angry at me.

It's not my fault.

I mean... Have you thought about how I feel?

I mean, I'm standing here talking to somebody who doesn't exist, and frankly,

feel like a bit of a dick.

Yeah, friend, she doesn't exist, so you can't be talking to anyone.

Look, Jenny, there's no point in continuing the conversation, so I may as

say goodbye, okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Bye, Jenny.

Bye.

I don't know, Jenny. I mean, you've just broken up with Cole.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jenny.

Yes.

Yes, Jenny.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's hot.

date with Jenny. She asked me out and I'm going to go.

You can't do that.

Well, you dropped her and now she's free and now she's mine.

No!

We love each other and we're going to be together and you can't stop us.

You stole my imaginary girlfriend.

Well, I don't know, Cole.

Maybe next time you make somebody up, you should make up somebody who likes

you you stay away from

her because she's mine

pointy hard plastic.

Doesn't look hurty.

Hurty a lot.

Thank you.

Now come over and help me out of this window.

Please.

You won't attack me?

No.

Promise?

Promise.

Now,

prepare

to die.

What's that noise?

Can you hear that?

It's funny, isn't it?

I had my bags packed for Adelaide.

And then it turns out that we're both in exactly the same situation.

as concerned.

Sorry?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think you misunderstood me, Frankie.

I mean, all that stuff with Jenny, I mean, that was just for a bit of fun,

you know, I've had that, yeah.

Yeah, I've had that, yeah.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Truly? Yep, yep, yep.

Seriously? Yeah.

Yes, sir. Rooney.

the show all about me and all the things I do

and all that I see well I got a feeling

I've got a beat of an inkling so long as we're together

it'll be okay