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1
00:00:00,118 --> 00:00:02,053
We'd like to apply for a loan, please.
2
00:00:02,118 --> 00:00:04,555
I see.
And what size loan are you looking for?
3
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:06,481
7,000 denarii, ideally.
4
00:00:06,547 --> 00:00:08,572
It's for our bar, The Crown And Toga.
5
00:00:08,638 --> 00:00:10,385
- We wanna do a bit of a refurb.
- Okay.
6
00:00:10,451 --> 00:00:13,880
- What's the nature of the refurbishment?
- Two words. Beach bar.
7
00:00:13,945 --> 00:00:15,816
Is one of the ideas we're toying with.
8
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:18,201
- Two more words: Freak show.
- Love it.
9
00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:21,353
- And that's literally never been mentioned.
- Picture a carnival of weirdos.
10
00:00:21,418 --> 00:00:24,201
No, don't picture that.
We're much more into the beach idea.
11
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:27,201
We're thinking cocktails, beanbags,
girls in bikinis...
12
00:00:27,266 --> 00:00:30,105
- A bearded baby, a six-legged man...
- Will not be there.
13
00:00:30,171 --> 00:00:31,745
Even if they did exist!
14
00:00:31,811 --> 00:00:35,510
Well, either way, your turnover
won't reconcile to forecast.
15
00:00:35,990 --> 00:00:38,826
- Nope. No idea what that means.
- You don't have any customers.
16
00:00:38,892 --> 00:00:42,012
- Yes, because we need a refurb.
- Or because of poor management?
17
00:00:42,078 --> 00:00:44,404
Oh, just grow a pair and give us the money!
18
00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:47,076
- It's not as simple as that.
- Just give us the money.
19
00:00:47,142 --> 00:00:48,448
Give us the money.
20
00:00:48,514 --> 00:00:49,999
Give us the money!
21
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:54,228
What does that bell mean?
Is that you giving us the money or...
22
00:00:54,293 --> 00:00:56,608
- You've called security, haven't you?
- I have, yes.
23
00:00:56,674 --> 00:01:01,274
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,203
It's not Grumio's fault
the guy was a total spod.
25
00:01:14,268 --> 00:01:17,815
No, but it is his fault our business
plan included a six-legged man.
26
00:01:17,881 --> 00:01:20,430
- Whatever the fuck that is.
- Exactly what it sounds like.
27
00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:21,780
So I'm guessing they said "no".
28
00:01:21,845 --> 00:01:24,961
We got booted out by security
so they didn't really have to.
29
00:01:25,027 --> 00:01:29,204
Either way, our bold, new bid
to lure in punters may have to wait.
30
00:01:29,269 --> 00:01:33,325
- Green Army!
- Oh, lovely. Chariot fans.
31
00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:35,942
Every bloody match day
they get steaming drunk
32
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:38,204
and cover the place in flob and sexism.
33
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:40,686
'Ey, show us your tits, darling!
34
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,555
The zoo knows you've escaped, does it?
35
00:01:42,621 --> 00:01:46,349
Yeah, don't speak to my bird
like that, please, fellas.
36
00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:49,142
Oh, dear.
Bloody Neanderthals!
37
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:50,893
I'm sorry, "bird"?
38
00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:52,977
Yeah, just using their lingo.
39
00:01:53,043 --> 00:01:56,031
- I'm not your bird, Marcus.
- No, sure. I meant girlfriend.
40
00:01:56,097 --> 00:01:59,046
- I'm not your girlfriend either.
- What d'you want me to call you?
41
00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:03,058
How about, "Woman you've been on a few dates
with" who runs the business next door to yours?"
42
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,340
Oh, right.
Glad we cleared that up.
43
00:02:05,962 --> 00:02:09,482
- I mean, she is right, you know.
- They really are putting it away.
44
00:02:12,816 --> 00:02:15,888
Are you sure there's not a pink team?
More like one in a pastel shade?
45
00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:17,256
Green's not really my colour.
46
00:02:17,322 --> 00:02:19,921
- It is now, mate.
- I got some gear for the bar, too.
47
00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:22,205
A green banner, some flags, a bibby.
48
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:24,532
- What's the bibby for?
- Well, a baby.
49
00:02:24,598 --> 00:02:26,249
Or when I have soup.
50
00:02:28,153 --> 00:02:29,775
That'll be 430 denarii.
51
00:02:29,841 --> 00:02:32,092
430?
For a bit of cloth?
52
00:02:32,158 --> 00:02:33,987
It's official club merchandise.
53
00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:37,505
And is there a discount, perhaps,
for lifelong Greenies like ourselves?
54
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:40,258
No.
And nobody says Greenies, by the way.
55
00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:43,029
Good to know.
Put the bibby back in that case, Grumio.
56
00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:45,141
Oh, I really wanted that bibby.
57
00:02:49,219 --> 00:02:51,978
Are you sure we want
sports mad trolls in here?
58
00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:55,625
- It could all get a bit full on.
- If full on means full, that is fine by me.
59
00:02:55,691 --> 00:02:57,666
Right now, we don't have a single customer.
60
00:02:57,732 --> 00:03:00,793
- We've got weird old Phoenix.
- Weird old Phoenix isn't a customer.
61
00:03:00,859 --> 00:03:03,212
All he does is drink our water
and use our loo.
62
00:03:03,278 --> 00:03:05,557
He's basically a human drainpipe.
63
00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:08,135
All right, Phoenix?
How's the novel coming along?
64
00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:09,535
Oh, slowly.
65
00:03:09,601 --> 00:03:12,058
- Terribly slowly.
- Yeah?
66
00:03:12,124 --> 00:03:14,857
How about a nice glass of wine
to speed things up a bit?
67
00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:18,629
Interesting.
Grease the wheels as it were.
68
00:03:18,695 --> 00:03:23,149
But, no, thank you.
Let's stay focused.
69
00:03:23,618 --> 00:03:27,312
Maybe just a top up of water, if you would.
70
00:03:29,451 --> 00:03:31,226
Come on, you Greens.
71
00:03:33,632 --> 00:03:35,818
What's the name of our
most expensive signing?
72
00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:38,911
Alexis Falco, seven and a half million.
Where did we get him from?
73
00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:41,739
The Reds.
He used to be scum, now he's a legend.
74
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:45,393
- What's his pre-match meal? Marcus.
- Who cares?
75
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,671
That is not gonna come up.
76
00:03:46,737 --> 00:03:49,168
All we have to do to blend in,
is make obscene gestures
77
00:03:49,234 --> 00:03:52,262
- and shout "wanker" occasionally.
- The answer is actually meat pie.
78
00:03:52,328 --> 00:03:54,582
You want some, you toilet?
79
00:03:54,648 --> 00:03:56,771
- Is that our geeky bank manager?
- Where?
80
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,387
Over there with the Blue fans,
knocking that guy out.
81
00:03:59,453 --> 00:04:02,442
Yeah, cos that's just what
geeky bank managers get up to.
82
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,944
He's probably on his way
to throw shit as a temple.
83
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,230
I swear that's him.
84
00:04:06,296 --> 00:04:09,118
Come on,
I quite fancy a pre-match meat pie myself.
85
00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:10,385
Green Army!
86
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,236
Green Army!
87
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,671
Green Army!
88
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:31,394
They were the cheapest seats I could find.
I didn't know we'd be in the family bit.
89
00:04:31,459 --> 00:04:33,973
Cos this definitely isn't
where the hardcore drinkers sit.
90
00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:37,039
- Not unless you count milk.
- Yes, all right, come on, then.
91
00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:41,682
- Green Army!
- Green Army!
92
00:04:43,921 --> 00:04:46,795
- Green Army!
- Green Army!
93
00:04:47,139 --> 00:04:50,937
Oi, did someone order a fruit basket?
Cos three plums have just shown up!
94
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,250
Very funny.
We're not plums, though.
95
00:04:53,315 --> 00:04:55,674
We're Greeners, like you.
96
00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:58,933
If anything, we're green plums.
Greengages, if you will.
97
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,003
Yeah, well, I ain't seen you before.
98
00:05:01,925 --> 00:05:04,065
That's weird.
We're here every week.
99
00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:06,114
Oi, Paulus, you seen these plums before?
100
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,449
- No, never. Who are they?
- Dunno, saying they're Greeners.
101
00:05:09,515 --> 00:05:11,569
We are!
We're massive Greeners.
102
00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:15,102
All right, you lot are here so much,
who did we play last week?
103
00:05:15,168 --> 00:05:18,040
- Easy, that'll be the Whites.
- We won by three and a half laps.
104
00:05:18,106 --> 00:05:19,815
Yeah, smashed them, the wankers!
105
00:05:19,881 --> 00:05:21,184
Wankers-s-s!
106
00:05:21,606 --> 00:05:24,794
And you, what do you make of Leo?
Cor, he was on fire, weren't he, eh?!
107
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:28,145
Oh, yeah.
Leo played a blinder, absolutely immense.
108
00:05:28,211 --> 00:05:29,455
Leo's our mascot.
109
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:33,978
No, I know. But, you know,
he was still immense. As a mascot.
110
00:05:34,510 --> 00:05:35,932
Jog on, you plums.
111
00:05:37,557 --> 00:05:40,319
One of our players eats pies
before a race, if that count?
112
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:47,695
- Well, you muffed that, didn't you?
- And you muffed our loan application.
113
00:05:47,761 --> 00:05:49,211
So we're even.
114
00:05:49,276 --> 00:05:51,550
It was a stupid idea anyway.
Let's go home.
115
00:05:51,616 --> 00:05:54,853
I'm not just going home, mate.
I can win these aggro numpties over.
116
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,993
- I've got the cheeky charm.
- Okay. I mean, I've never noticed that.
117
00:05:58,059 --> 00:06:00,963
You've just gotta tickle their balls,
give them a bit of banter.
118
00:06:02,015 --> 00:06:03,470
- This is our season...
- Ladies.
119
00:06:03,535 --> 00:06:04,735
You what?
Ladies?
120
00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:06,703
Wanna fuckin' sandal up your arse, do ya?
121
00:06:06,769 --> 00:06:08,307
No. No, thank you.
Sorry.
122
00:06:08,373 --> 00:06:10,680
Nah, just wondering
what you wankers are doing now.
123
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,327
Same as we do after every match,
few bevvies up The Grapes.
124
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:17,089
The Grapes? Do people still drink there?
You wanna come to our gaff, mate.
125
00:06:17,154 --> 00:06:20,101
The Crown And Toga.
It's where all the proper Greeners drink.
126
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,360
Are you trying to say
we're not proper Greeners?
127
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:26,594
That's a bit rich coming from a bunch
of two-bob lemony slags like you lot.
128
00:06:27,188 --> 00:06:28,625
Two-bob lemony slags?
129
00:06:28,691 --> 00:06:30,672
Are you having a laugh?
We're the real deal.
130
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,122
Course you are, babe.
131
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,199
All right.
Get a load of this.
132
00:06:42,676 --> 00:06:43,976
Go on, boy!
133
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:57,811
I'm Green until I die.
134
00:06:57,877 --> 00:07:01,214
I know I am, I'm sure I am,
I'm Green until I die!
135
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,825
Decent little gaff you've got here
to be fair, Marcus.
136
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,254
Kitted it out nice.
137
00:07:05,751 --> 00:07:09,194
Well, we've had all this clobber up
for years, of course.
138
00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:11,737
Then you know that flag's arse about tit.
139
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,531
We love you Greens, we do...
140
00:07:17,457 --> 00:07:20,811
Aurelius. Flick that flag over.
The lion's upside down, you prat.
141
00:07:20,877 --> 00:07:22,214
Yeah, I'm a bit busy right now.
142
00:07:22,279 --> 00:07:25,054
Serving wine to genuinely
some of the worst people on Earth.
143
00:07:25,119 --> 00:07:27,054
Yeah, and some of the
thirstiest people on Earth.
144
00:07:27,119 --> 00:07:28,893
I can't pour this stuff fast enough.
145
00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:31,538
This is what having
a successful bar feels like, boys.
146
00:07:31,604 --> 00:07:34,386
Just get used to it.
At this rate, we'll have to hire more staff.
147
00:07:34,451 --> 00:07:36,158
Excuse me, Marcus.
148
00:07:36,224 --> 00:07:40,215
Would you ask the chaps in green
to quiet it down a bit, please?
149
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,098
I'm trying to write my novel.
150
00:07:42,164 --> 00:07:45,201
Weirdly, Phoenix, your novel's
not my top priority here.
151
00:07:45,267 --> 00:07:47,149
We are a wine bar for sports fans,
152
00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:49,880
not a water bar for
leaky-bladdered cheapskates.
153
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:52,462
If you've got a problem with that,
you can jog on, son.
154
00:07:52,528 --> 00:07:55,215
I'm 75, I'm not jogging anywhere.
155
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,114
Flush yourself down the loo, then,
I really don't care.
156
00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:59,423
What can I get you, mate?
157
00:07:59,489 --> 00:08:02,728
He's short, he's fast,
he likes to show his arse...
158
00:08:02,794 --> 00:08:06,167
He's Grumio, Grumio!
159
00:08:07,011 --> 00:08:08,706
Are these not the same chariot fans
160
00:08:08,772 --> 00:08:11,368
you described as
"bloody Neanderthals" the other day?
161
00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:14,881
They are, yes,
but now I've met them, and I have to say,
162
00:08:14,947 --> 00:08:16,923
the Greens are a really terrific bunch.
163
00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:19,476
Genuinely good-hearted, considerate people.
164
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,216
They pissed all over my shop front.
165
00:08:21,281 --> 00:08:24,034
They're a bit rough round the edges.
Sure, they like a drink.
166
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,873
Anyway, I thought urine was useful
for your laundry process.
167
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:28,896
Not when it's streaked
all up the wall it's not.
168
00:08:28,961 --> 00:08:31,980
- And I can't do much with vomit.
- Fair point. Aurelius,
169
00:08:32,046 --> 00:08:35,286
- clean up the vom as well, please, mate.
- Yeah, this is making me a bit queasy.
170
00:08:35,351 --> 00:08:37,826
They also appear to have painted
a dog on my door.
171
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,924
- It's a lion, actually. Their mascot, Leo.
- Yeah, I don't care.
172
00:08:40,990 --> 00:08:44,356
- I don't want it there is my point.
- All right, I'll have it painted over.
173
00:08:44,422 --> 00:08:47,950
In fact, painting the whole door green
might stop this happening again.
174
00:08:48,016 --> 00:08:50,981
Or you can just not have
the Green pricks in your bar at all.
175
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,413
That might also stop it.
176
00:08:52,479 --> 00:08:54,205
No can do, sorry.
177
00:08:54,271 --> 00:08:56,440
We've poured a lot of money
into these Green pricks,
178
00:08:56,505 --> 00:09:00,843
so I kind of need to put my business before
my relationship with a not girlfriend.
179
00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:05,500
I'll handle it, okay?
Aurelius will clean up the mess.
180
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,081
And his own mess.
181
00:09:11,782 --> 00:09:15,996
Green Army!
Green Army! Green Army!
182
00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:24,555
Green Army!
183
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,770
Go on, boy!
184
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:46,018
No matter how hectic it gets,
just keep serving.
185
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:48,021
Maybe let's pre-pour drinks, in fact.
186
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,006
And just so you know,
you will get called some rude names.
187
00:09:51,072 --> 00:09:55,415
We're talking mug, melt, muppet,
helmet, ugly bitch,
188
00:09:55,481 --> 00:09:56,883
minge face, bearded nonce...
189
00:09:56,949 --> 00:09:59,183
Yeah, I think those last few
were just for you.
190
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,320
Okay, we're on.
Brace yourselves.
191
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:08,682
Green Army!
Welcome, boys. In you come.
192
00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,681
Glass of wine, please, minge face.
Grumio?
193
00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:14,913
Just a bowl of nuts.
194
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:17,683
- Sorry, where is everyone?
- They weren't really feeling it.
195
00:10:17,748 --> 00:10:19,370
Why not, out of interest?
196
00:10:19,436 --> 00:10:21,191
Cos we got dumped out of the Cup, didn't we?
197
00:10:21,256 --> 00:10:23,683
We weren't exactly in the mood
for having it large.
198
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,138
Chin up, kid.
There's always next season, eh?
199
00:10:26,204 --> 00:10:28,622
- We live in hope.
- Sorry, next season?
200
00:10:28,688 --> 00:10:30,500
Yeah, when the Cup starts over again.
201
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:33,489
- So we don't get any more games now?
- When you're out, you're out.
202
00:10:33,554 --> 00:10:36,621
- That's how the Cup works, silly bollocks.
- No, I know. I know that.
203
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:39,540
Just, remind me.
When is next season again?
204
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,430
- End of August.
- August, right.
205
00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:46,024
And it's February now so that's...
206
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:47,683
About six months.
207
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:51,044
- The Blues will probably go on and win it now.
- Grr, scum!
208
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,506
- Still, we had a decent run, didn't we?
- Didn't we just.
209
00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,778
What a bloody good run we had.
210
00:10:57,093 --> 00:10:58,293
Fuck!
211
00:11:06,035 --> 00:11:09,000
- But I've only just put them all up.
- And now you have to take them all down.
212
00:11:09,065 --> 00:11:12,932
There's not much point being a sports bar if
there is no sport for six months, is there?
213
00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:15,666
Okay, someone's just had a sweet idea.
214
00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:18,416
- Please not the beach bar again.
- No, not that, hear me out.
215
00:11:18,482 --> 00:11:21,178
The Greens got knocked out of
the Cup, but not everyone did.
216
00:11:21,244 --> 00:11:23,442
Yeah, that's how the Cup works,
silly bollocks.
217
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:26,110
Right, and Paulus said
the Blues would probably win it.
218
00:11:26,176 --> 00:11:28,059
So why don't we just become
a Blue bar instead?
219
00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,095
- Have a cheeky rebrand.
- A rebrand?
220
00:11:30,161 --> 00:11:31,470
Are you tugging my testicles?
221
00:11:31,536 --> 00:11:33,779
That is actually one of your
less shit ideas, Jason.
222
00:11:33,844 --> 00:11:35,392
- Cheers, bro.
- We're Greeners.
223
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:38,054
We can't just change colour
like some fruity fucking lizard.
224
00:11:38,119 --> 00:11:39,400
I think we can.
225
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,504
In fact, I can feel us turning Blue
right now.
226
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:45,708
Where's your loyalty?
You're bloody glory gobblers!
227
00:11:45,774 --> 00:11:48,352
- You've been to, like, two games, mate.
- So what?
228
00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:50,558
The Greeners respect me, unlike you two.
229
00:11:50,624 --> 00:11:54,044
With you it's always, "Pipe down, Grumio.
Forget your freak show.
230
00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:56,307
"Put your bibby back.
Be Green. Be Blue."
231
00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:58,736
- Well, yeah, if you would.
- I won't!
232
00:11:59,014 --> 00:12:02,126
And if this place is going Blue,
I'm having nothing more to do with it.
233
00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:03,769
Scum!
234
00:12:05,305 --> 00:12:08,043
Clean that up, will you, Aurelius,
once you're done with that?
235
00:12:09,357 --> 00:12:11,875
Hello again.
We'd like to return these items
236
00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:14,041
and exchange them for those ones, please.
237
00:12:14,107 --> 00:12:16,145
I thought you were lifelong Greenies.
238
00:12:16,211 --> 00:12:20,213
We were but circumstances changed
and now we're lifelong Blueys.
239
00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:22,397
Plus, blue is a much better colour
for my skin tone.
240
00:12:22,462 --> 00:12:24,281
Right, that's not how most people
pick a team.
241
00:12:24,347 --> 00:12:26,117
Well, I'm not most people.
242
00:12:26,183 --> 00:12:29,039
- Either way, we don't do exchanges.
- Oh, for...
243
00:12:29,105 --> 00:12:31,508
This is gonna cost us pretty much
everything we made.
244
00:12:31,574 --> 00:12:34,462
All right, well, we can get rid of
this trivia book for starters.
245
00:12:34,528 --> 00:12:36,918
How are we gonna get in
with the fans without wading through
246
00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:38,982
the painfully dull history of their club?
247
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:41,224
We take a shortcut, obviously.
248
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,376
Hi. If you want a meeting,
you have to make an appointment.
249
00:12:53,442 --> 00:12:54,663
Nah, no need for that, Nige.
250
00:12:54,728 --> 00:12:58,063
I just wanted to let you know
that I saw you the other day.
251
00:12:58,129 --> 00:12:59,337
Yes, I know,
252
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,463
- I had to call security.
- Not here.
253
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:04,053
I mean, I did see you here,
but also at the arena.
254
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:08,957
Yobbing it up, putting your fists
hard into people's faces.
255
00:13:09,023 --> 00:13:10,236
I saw you.
256
00:13:10,568 --> 00:13:12,663
I don't know what you're talking about.
257
00:13:12,728 --> 00:13:14,923
So how'd you get those marks
on your knuckles?
258
00:13:15,352 --> 00:13:17,827
Accident with an abacus, was it?
259
00:13:19,339 --> 00:13:22,663
No, you don't.
Bell's not gonna save you this time, boy.
260
00:13:22,851 --> 00:13:25,538
I know what I saw and I don't have
a problem telling this lot
261
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,819
exactly what Naughty Nige
gets up to after hours.
262
00:13:30,728 --> 00:13:33,023
Maybe I can reconsider that business loan.
263
00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:36,729
Nah, forget the loan, Nige.
I want something else this time.
264
00:13:38,729 --> 00:13:41,227
Here he comes.
It's Alexis Falco.
265
00:13:41,293 --> 00:13:44,216
The crowd goes mental as he
rounds the final bend and...
266
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,232
- Oh, bollocks to it!
- What you do that for, you mug?
267
00:13:47,298 --> 00:13:48,637
You was home and dry there.
268
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,202
Sorry, boss.
It's just, I miss the real thing is all.
269
00:13:51,268 --> 00:13:53,802
Larging it with the lads, singing the songs,
270
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:55,669
feeling like I'm ten foot tall.
271
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,664
Cos you're on Griff's shoulders, you mean?
272
00:13:57,729 --> 00:14:01,364
Yeah, that's part of it.
But it's like I finally belong to something.
273
00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:02,665
And now all that's gone.
274
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:06,464
I hear you.
It's always tough, the wait between matches.
275
00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:09,926
It can feel like forever,
but in just a few days time,
276
00:14:09,992 --> 00:14:13,247
we'll be back on that terrace
giving it large like we never left.
277
00:14:13,709 --> 00:14:16,665
Now, I want you to pick up little Alexis
278
00:14:16,737 --> 00:14:18,814
and let's get him that victory.
279
00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,378
Go on, boy.
280
00:14:22,769 --> 00:14:24,705
Hang on.
A few days?
281
00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:26,916
I thought it was gonna be six months.
282
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:29,998
What?!
You told him to forget the loan.
283
00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:34,095
Yeah, because we don't need it any more.
This is our passport to punters.
284
00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:36,057
Ooh, there he is, look.
285
00:14:39,204 --> 00:14:40,835
Oi, oi, Nige!
286
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:43,273
- Oi, oi, Nige's crew!
- Oh, hi, Jase.
287
00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:44,667
Who are these turnips?
288
00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:47,666
These are good mates of mine.
It's Jason and...
289
00:14:47,731 --> 00:14:49,506
- Marcus.
- Marcus, yeah, yeah.
290
00:14:49,571 --> 00:14:52,308
- They own a bar in town.
- The Crown And Toga.
291
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:53,845
It's a hardcore Blue bar.
292
00:14:54,529 --> 00:14:57,222
- So you're hardcore, are you?
- Just a bit.
293
00:14:57,288 --> 00:14:59,181
We're proper Blue Army, like you guys.
294
00:14:59,247 --> 00:15:01,897
- Blue Army?!
- He means Blue Legion.
295
00:15:02,178 --> 00:15:05,214
- Blue Legion!
- Jase! It's Legion.
296
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,451
Yeah, Legion!
297
00:15:07,869 --> 00:15:11,124
Listen, Nige, you sure about these two?
Seem like a couple of melts to me.
298
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:13,081
Are you calling my mates melts, Gav?
299
00:15:13,147 --> 00:15:15,641
- No, I just mean, they're a bit...
- I say they're all right.
300
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,198
And if you're saying they're not,
301
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,934
I'm gonna tear your skin off
and wear you like a fucking toga!
302
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,584
All right!
They're all right!
303
00:15:22,650 --> 00:15:24,271
Yeah, they're all right.
304
00:15:25,498 --> 00:15:28,113
- Legion!
- Legion!
305
00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:29,633
Legion!
306
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,909
Legion!
Legion!
307
00:15:55,639 --> 00:15:56,992
Thank you very much.
308
00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:03,436
Legion, we love you!
309
00:16:03,733 --> 00:16:05,413
Again, I'm really sorry.
310
00:16:05,479 --> 00:16:08,116
Yeah, painting it green
worked an absolute treat, didn't it?
311
00:16:08,182 --> 00:16:09,905
And I thought their mascot was a lion.
312
00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:12,884
The Green mascot, yeah.
But we had a small rebrand.
313
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:15,988
It turns out the Blues have
a far nicer breed of chariot fan.
314
00:16:16,054 --> 00:16:19,258
And then what? Are we working our way
through the colours of the rainbow?
315
00:16:19,324 --> 00:16:21,323
No, no.
We are now Blue through and through.
316
00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:24,709
Actually, we are making so much,
I could maybe spruce up the hood a bit.
317
00:16:24,774 --> 00:16:27,031
You know, a few pot plants, a lantern maybe.
318
00:16:27,097 --> 00:16:28,745
Just paint the fucking door, Marcus.
319
00:16:28,811 --> 00:16:31,970
And do a better job this time.
It's all streaky, look.
320
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,435
Nige is like a proper mate now.
321
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,447
I mean, I know I'm blackmailing him, but
322
00:16:40,513 --> 00:16:42,336
he said he's gonna introduce me
to his sister.
323
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,510
- Apparently, she's well fit.
- Shove up, mush.
324
00:16:44,576 --> 00:16:47,548
Sorry, Nigel has described his
own sister as well fit?
325
00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:49,646
Yeah!
It's quite weird actually, isn't it?
326
00:16:49,712 --> 00:16:52,929
- I said shove up. I need the mirror.
- Can you just wait until I'm finished?
327
00:16:52,994 --> 00:16:54,669
Why are you even doing that, Grumio?
328
00:16:54,734 --> 00:16:56,902
- I've got a race later, why do you think?
- How can you?
329
00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:58,797
Greens got knocked out of the Cup, remember?
330
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,670
That was the Chariot Association Cup.
331
00:17:00,735 --> 00:17:04,475
There's still the League Cup, the Fish Paste
Cup and the Imperial Shield, obviously.
332
00:17:04,735 --> 00:17:07,951
- So your season's not over at all?
- Just getting going, son.
333
00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:11,174
And I'll be back down the bar later
for some bevvies with the Army.
334
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,590
Hang on.
How's that gonna work?
335
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,098
I'm gonna be at the bar later
with the Legion after our game.
336
00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:18,593
Well, it's not gonna work, clearly.
Grumio, you have to go to the Army,
337
00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:21,382
tell them to go back to that old pub.
The Grapes, was it?
338
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:24,190
Like hell I will!
The Crown And Toga's our manor now.
339
00:17:24,255 --> 00:17:26,484
- We shall not be moved!
- Well, neither shall we.
340
00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:28,459
Not from the bar, nor this mirror.
341
00:17:29,608 --> 00:17:32,954
I can't believe you just
blued my bloody nose. Scum!
342
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,559
Will you please stop spitting on the floor?!
343
00:17:40,911 --> 00:17:42,837
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Yeah.
344
00:17:42,903 --> 00:17:45,097
Cos we could just tell people we're closed.
345
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,600
This'll be fine.
Probably.
346
00:17:48,274 --> 00:17:49,514
Hopefully.
347
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:51,889
Legion, Legion!
348
00:17:54,478 --> 00:17:57,756
Greeners, Greeners, Greeners!
349
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,054
Hi, hello there, Nige.
350
00:18:20,148 --> 00:18:22,142
What the fuck is going on here?
351
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,483
Um, this is...
352
00:18:25,294 --> 00:18:27,837
- We're actually closed today, I'm afraid.
- What, are we?
353
00:18:27,903 --> 00:18:31,527
Yes, because of the
drainage problem, remember?
354
00:18:31,593 --> 00:18:34,656
Well, that'll explain why
half your bar's covered in shit.
355
00:18:35,054 --> 00:18:37,281
There's certainly some shit in here
all right.
356
00:18:37,738 --> 00:18:39,222
You should get a plumber in.
357
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:41,194
Or maybe pest control.
358
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,673
What brings you here, Paulus?
359
00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:45,821
Did you get lost
on your way home to wanker land?
360
00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:47,409
I am home, Nigel.
361
00:18:47,475 --> 00:18:50,892
So you'd best round up your little
two-bob mob and chip off out of here.
362
00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:53,861
- Or you can all chip off.
- We ain't going nowhere.
363
00:18:53,939 --> 00:18:56,175
This is our manor and it's Blue!
364
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:59,351
You must be going colour-blind
in your old age, you Toby.
365
00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:00,822
This manor's Green.
366
00:19:00,888 --> 00:19:03,062
- Oh, yeah, says who?
- We do.
367
00:19:03,128 --> 00:19:06,713
- Well, prove it, then.
- Oh, yeah? You want some, you toilet?
368
00:19:11,895 --> 00:19:13,455
Please, stop!
Stop it!
369
00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:14,549
Stop!
370
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,674
Let us not descend into violence and hatred.
371
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,124
We are better than that.
372
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:22,940
Let's just, for one magic afternoon,
put our differences aside
373
00:19:23,006 --> 00:19:26,716
and join together
over our shared love of the sport
374
00:19:26,782 --> 00:19:32,796
and the values of brotherhood and
respect and tolerance it promotes.
375
00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:39,291
Surely, deep down, that is what
being a real fan is all about?
376
00:19:42,428 --> 00:19:43,945
Nah, sod that!
377
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,838
Want some, do you?!
378
00:20:02,158 --> 00:20:03,460
Greener!
379
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:08,575
Oi, Bluey.
380
00:20:13,216 --> 00:20:14,931
- You!
- Shit... No!
381
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,301
Come, bruv, come.
382
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,809
- Fellas!
- Go!
383
00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:26,972
Help me!
384
00:20:52,288 --> 00:20:55,393
Once again, I so, so sorry.
385
00:20:55,459 --> 00:20:57,677
Yeah, I've kind of had enough
of this now, Marcus.
386
00:20:57,742 --> 00:21:01,032
What, this, as in the hooligan damage?
Or this, as in me?
387
00:21:01,098 --> 00:21:04,677
Cos I really want you to be my bird
slash girlfriend
388
00:21:04,742 --> 00:21:06,919
slash woman I've been on a few dates with,
389
00:21:06,985 --> 00:21:09,998
if that particular door's still open?
390
00:21:10,064 --> 00:21:12,859
Well, the door is off its hinges now,
isn't it?
391
00:21:12,925 --> 00:21:16,750
So that's sort of open?
Surely?
392
00:21:16,828 --> 00:21:18,722
Fine, it's open.
393
00:21:18,788 --> 00:21:21,898
- Now get it fixed before I change my mind.
- I will repaint it immediately.
394
00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:24,641
No, you will buy me a new one,
you tight bastard.
395
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:30,395
So, we're not gonna try and get any
Red fans down here, I take it?
396
00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:33,497
No. No way.
Chariot fans are far too full on.
397
00:21:33,563 --> 00:21:35,718
That is literally what I said
at the beginning.
398
00:21:35,783 --> 00:21:38,150
You can obviously have
all of the Green merch, Grumio.
399
00:21:38,216 --> 00:21:39,761
No, cheers. I'm out, too.
400
00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:41,640
These chariot mugs talk a good game,
401
00:21:41,706 --> 00:21:44,275
but when you're on the deck
being sat on by a bank manager,
402
00:21:44,341 --> 00:21:45,897
you find out who your real mates are.
403
00:21:45,962 --> 00:21:49,896
So the theme for our bar
can go back to being sad and empty.
404
00:21:49,962 --> 00:21:51,503
Not quite, look.
405
00:21:51,569 --> 00:21:54,878
Phoenix! Welcome back, old friend.
Glass of water, is it?
406
00:21:54,943 --> 00:22:00,317
Well, I need to use the loo first
but, yes, water would be lovely.
407
00:22:03,023 --> 00:22:07,623
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
34134
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