Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,017 --> 00:00:03,182
Thanks to Anna-Kat
2
00:00:03,183 --> 00:00:04,891
selling the most cookies
and winning this trip,
3
00:00:04,892 --> 00:00:06,016
tomorrow,
we'll be eating breakfast
4
00:00:06,017 --> 00:00:07,224
in Hollywood, California.
5
00:00:07,225 --> 00:00:08,641
It's our first
real vacation.
6
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,182
It's gonna be awesome.
7
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:13,057
Sunshine, beaches,
celebrity sightings, no laundry.
8
00:00:13,058 --> 00:00:14,932
If you run out of underwear,
you ride dirty.
9
00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:16,766
This vacation is gonna be
so much better
10
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,807
than our usual trip
to colonial Crapsburg.
11
00:00:19,808 --> 00:00:22,766
And Valley Forge! Don't forget,
you guys hated that, too.
12
00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:24,307
And while
we're in California,
13
00:00:24,308 --> 00:00:25,891
we're gonna be celebrating
your birthday-- the big 4-0.
14
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:27,391
We're not gonna make
a big deal about my birthday.
15
00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:28,682
It's a day
like any other day,
16
00:00:28,683 --> 00:00:30,432
so I don't want to be treated
any differently.
17
00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:31,474
You hear me?
I hear you.
18
00:00:31,475 --> 00:00:32,974
No special treatment.
19
00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:34,057
Now go help the kids
finish packing.
20
00:00:34,058 --> 00:00:35,516
I'm gonna go meet
Doris and Angela.
21
00:00:35,517 --> 00:00:36,932
You're going out now?
22
00:00:36,933 --> 00:00:38,182
There's still so much to do
before we leave.
23
00:00:38,183 --> 00:00:40,891
How can you give me
a hard time about this?
24
00:00:40,892 --> 00:00:42,141
It's my birthday.
25
00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:52,391
Did you remember
to pack everything?
26
00:00:52,392 --> 00:00:53,849
Swimsuits?
Toiletries? Hats?
27
00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:55,849
Nope, nope, and nope.
28
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:56,642
Then what have you got
in here?
29
00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:02,849
{\an8}"The Big Finish: Rich, Famous,
and How They Died."
30
00:01:02,850 --> 00:01:05,182
{\an8}I want to go to
the Hollywood Walk of Fame
31
00:01:05,183 --> 00:01:07,432
{\an8}and find all the celebrities
that died horrible deaths.
32
00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:10,391
Murder, drugs,
the occasional yacht mishap.
33
00:01:10,392 --> 00:01:12,016
Hollywood, baby.
34
00:01:12,017 --> 00:01:13,308
Taylor,
could you come in here?
35
00:01:15,725 --> 00:01:16,932
Please help
your sister pack.
36
00:01:16,933 --> 00:01:18,766
Why do I always have to
take care of her?
37
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,141
{\an8}Because the older sister takes
care of the younger sister.
38
00:01:21,142 --> 00:01:22,682
{\an8}It's been that way
for hundreds of years.
39
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,182
{\an8}You know, back in colonial days,
the eldest--
40
00:01:24,183 --> 00:01:26,391
{\an8}Oh, my God. Enough!
I'll do it!
41
00:01:26,392 --> 00:01:29,016
{\an8}Anna-Kat, I need you to make
room in your bag for this.
42
00:01:29,017 --> 00:01:30,516
{\an8}It's Mom's birthday gift.
43
00:01:30,517 --> 00:01:31,807
{\an8}I can't pack it with our stuff.
She'll find it.
44
00:01:31,808 --> 00:01:32,892
I'll try to fit it in.
45
00:01:34,183 --> 00:01:36,307
{\an8}You know, you don't need to
take your pillow.
46
00:01:36,308 --> 00:01:37,807
{\an8}They have them
at the hotel.
47
00:01:37,808 --> 00:01:39,474
{\an8}Did you know that
after two years,
48
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,558
{\an8}hotel pillows are mostly
dead skin cells?
49
00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:44,517
I'm gonna go pack
my pillow.
50
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,266
{\an8}The best part about flying west
is you gain three hours.
51
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:49,182
{\an8}You'll get there by lunch.
52
00:01:49,183 --> 00:01:50,474
{\an8}I don't know about that.
53
00:01:50,475 --> 00:01:52,099
{\an8}We have a long layover
in Dallas.
54
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,349
{\an8}So change your tickets
to nonstop.
55
00:01:53,350 --> 00:01:54,599
{\an8}And first class.
56
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,016
{\an8}And make it Monaco.
57
00:01:56,017 --> 00:01:57,641
{\an8}We can't just
change the tickets.
58
00:01:57,642 --> 00:01:59,016
{\an8}We won this trip.
59
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:00,641
{\an8}We have to take
what they give us.
60
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,224
{\an8}They can't tell you
what to do.
61
00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:04,307
{\an8}Last time I checked,
this was still America.
62
00:02:04,308 --> 00:02:06,182
{\an8}You know regular people
63
00:02:06,183 --> 00:02:08,057
{\an8}can't just switch flights
whenever they want.
64
00:02:08,058 --> 00:02:09,641
{\an8}It's actually the first time
65
00:02:09,642 --> 00:02:11,432
{\an8}my family's taken a plane
to a vacation,
66
00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:12,641
{\an8}so don't ruin this
for me.
67
00:02:12,642 --> 00:02:14,682
Alright, I hear you.
I was totally out of line.
68
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,474
But you've, like,
been to Monaco, right?
69
00:02:18,725 --> 00:02:21,057
You just don't get anything
about me or my reality.
70
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,391
I don't feel seen
or known by you.
71
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,516
"Seen or known"?
72
00:02:24,517 --> 00:02:26,766
Working at Teen Help Line's
made you super emo, dude.
73
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,057
Oh, yeah.
74
00:02:28,058 --> 00:02:29,599
You know, this vacation's
come at a perfect time.
75
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,016
I need a break from you.
76
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,766
Well, did you ever stop
and think
77
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,266
I need a break
from you, too?
78
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:35,807
Great.
79
00:02:35,808 --> 00:02:38,641
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro--
What are you doing?
80
00:02:38,642 --> 00:02:40,807
Stopping myself from saying
something I might regret.
81
00:02:40,808 --> 00:02:42,891
No, say it.
82
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:45,432
You can't pull off
that belt.
83
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,433
Get... out.
84
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,474
This is from
me and Doris.
85
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:58,307
Happy 40th, honey.
86
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,182
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
87
00:02:59,183 --> 00:03:00,474
Just promise
not to open it
88
00:03:00,475 --> 00:03:01,474
until the night
of your birthday.
Mm-hmm.
89
00:03:01,475 --> 00:03:03,682
So, 40.
90
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,724
How you dealing with that?
91
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,016
I don't care about 40.
Bring it on.
92
00:03:06,017 --> 00:03:07,932
It's just one step closer
to 48,
93
00:03:07,933 --> 00:03:10,391
when the last kid
is finally out of the house.
94
00:03:10,392 --> 00:03:12,224
Then it'll be Katie time
all the time.
95
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,266
What about Greg?
96
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:16,641
By then, he'll probably have,
like... a train set?
97
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:20,057
What are you guys gonna do
in L.A.?
98
00:03:20,058 --> 00:03:22,016
I want to go to
that restaurant PUMP
99
00:03:22,017 --> 00:03:23,682
and meet Lisa Vanderpump
from "Real Housewives."
100
00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:24,974
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
101
00:03:24,975 --> 00:03:27,682
LVP rules!
She is the best of the H-wives.
102
00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,182
Mm-hmm.
She's British,
103
00:03:29,183 --> 00:03:30,807
so when she calls you a whore,
it sounds polite.
104
00:03:30,808 --> 00:03:32,682
And then we'll do
whatever vacation stuff
105
00:03:32,683 --> 00:03:34,182
everybody else wants to do.
106
00:03:34,183 --> 00:03:36,349
I hate to break it to you,
but you ain't going on vacation.
107
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,224
You're going
on a family trip.
108
00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,599
What's the difference?
109
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,599
A vacation is when you do
what makes you happy.
110
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,807
A family trip is when you drag
your kids all over the place,
111
00:03:46,808 --> 00:03:49,557
everyone is arguing about
where to go and what to do,
112
00:03:49,558 --> 00:03:50,807
and by the end,
113
00:03:50,808 --> 00:03:52,849
you realize that your friend
who chose to stay single
114
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:54,391
was actually right.
115
00:03:54,392 --> 00:03:56,599
Okay, don't listen to her,
Katie.
116
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,516
This trip
is for everyone.
117
00:03:58,517 --> 00:04:00,641
This is also the first time
your family's traveling
118
00:04:00,642 --> 00:04:02,307
to a place where no one's
wearing a bonnet.
119
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,891
Crapsburg!
120
00:04:03,892 --> 00:04:06,474
My advice-- ditch the kids
and do what you want to do.
121
00:04:06,475 --> 00:04:09,849
Take a vacation, Katie,
not a family trip.
122
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,307
I can do both.
123
00:04:11,308 --> 00:04:12,932
Oh! That's what Angela said
124
00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,724
when she was dating
those two women at once.
125
00:04:14,725 --> 00:04:15,808
How'd that turn out?
126
00:04:17,475 --> 00:04:19,141
One's in a coma...
127
00:04:19,142 --> 00:04:20,974
and the other one's
in jail.
128
00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:22,932
That's on Angela.
129
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:24,307
I got this.
130
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:39,682
Ah!
131
00:04:39,683 --> 00:04:40,682
I'm gonna go
check us in.
132
00:04:40,683 --> 00:04:42,307
Wow!
Whoa!
133
00:04:42,308 --> 00:04:44,266
Oh, my gosh.
134
00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:45,766
This is awesome!
135
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:47,266
This is the first time
136
00:04:47,267 --> 00:04:49,224
we've stayed anywhere
with an actual lobby.
137
00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:51,307
And I'm not worried we're gonna
be murdered here tonight.
138
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:52,974
There's a complimentary
continental breakfast
139
00:04:52,975 --> 00:04:54,682
on the mezzanine level
between 8:00 and 10:00!
140
00:04:54,683 --> 00:04:56,307
You know
what that means, kids.
141
00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:59,142
Load up our pockets
with muffins.
142
00:05:01,558 --> 00:05:02,932
Cooper?
143
00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:04,349
What are you doing here?
144
00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:06,099
I don't like to
go to bed angry.
145
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,766
I took my jet here
so we could talk.
146
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,724
Huh.
Must be nice.
147
00:05:09,725 --> 00:05:11,599
This place is pretty cool.
148
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,599
Yeah, the Ottos are finally
doing it right.
149
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,182
But it's not on the beach.
150
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:16,182
You know
what you got to do?
151
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,016
Rent yourself a place
in Malibu.
152
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,766
I can't afford that.
153
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,766
Sure you can!
It's just the 'Bu.
154
00:05:21,767 --> 00:05:23,182
You just don't get it.
What?
155
00:05:23,183 --> 00:05:26,141
You keep suggesting things
that I can't do.
156
00:05:26,142 --> 00:05:28,849
And it's embarrassing to keep
saying, "I can't do that."
157
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,391
I'm 12 hours away from
stuffing muffins in my pockets.
158
00:05:31,392 --> 00:05:33,099
You know what?
159
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,224
I really want to understand
what's going on with you.
160
00:05:35,225 --> 00:05:36,599
Okay.
161
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,266
Tomorrow,
let's go out in L.A.
162
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:40,807
I'll show you
what it feels like to be me.
163
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,641
The bottles of water
on the nightstand are free!
164
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:43,891
But don't touch
the big FIJI.
165
00:05:47,392 --> 00:05:48,307
We have a rain shower.
166
00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:49,932
That's nice.
167
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,266
And a toilet that flushes
different for ones and twos.
168
00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:53,433
That's great.
169
00:05:55,475 --> 00:05:56,974
What are you watching?
170
00:05:56,975 --> 00:06:00,557
I hired Maria to stay at the
house and take care of Luthor.
171
00:06:00,558 --> 00:06:02,432
We have a camera
in the living room?
172
00:06:02,433 --> 00:06:03,891
Yeah, we put it in
to spy on Taylor
173
00:06:03,892 --> 00:06:05,182
when she first started
dating Trip.
174
00:06:05,183 --> 00:06:07,224
What?! Oh, my God!
Relax!
175
00:06:07,225 --> 00:06:09,224
We stopped watching
after the 15th time
176
00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:11,474
you guys tried to play "Clue"
and couldn't figure it out.
177
00:06:11,475 --> 00:06:12,641
Ugh.
178
00:06:12,642 --> 00:06:14,517
Principal Ablin?
179
00:06:17,392 --> 00:06:19,099
- Ewwwww!
- Oh. Oh, no.
180
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,057
I told Maria no boys!
181
00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:22,266
Okay, here's what
we're doing tomorrow.
182
00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:24,432
We're all meeting up with Cooper
in Beverly Hills--
183
00:06:24,433 --> 00:06:26,682
No! I want to go to
the wax museum and Venice Beach!
184
00:06:26,683 --> 00:06:28,099
I want to see
the Walk of Fame!
185
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,599
I want to see the Michelangelo
exhibit at the Getty.
186
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,307
Great, great, great.
We're not doing any of that.
187
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,641
We're going to go to PUMP
188
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,891
so that I can try to see
the queen, Lisa Vanderpump.
189
00:06:34,892 --> 00:06:36,349
But I promised Cooper
I'd meet him!
190
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:38,849
No one would be here
if I hadn't won this trip!
191
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,266
I want to see
the Specific Ocean!
192
00:06:45,725 --> 00:06:48,141
I'm the one reason that
everybody is here...
193
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,016
Do what you want...
Not a vacation...
194
00:06:50,017 --> 00:06:51,766
Ditch the kids...
195
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:53,266
Why is there so much melon
in this fruit cup?
196
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:55,391
Stop!
197
00:06:55,392 --> 00:06:56,974
Here's the deal--
198
00:06:56,975 --> 00:07:00,016
tomorrow, everyone is free
to do whatever they want.
199
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:01,307
Really?
200
00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:02,682
It will be nice
going to a museum
201
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,474
without your mom saying,
"Big whoop, I could do that,"
202
00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:05,724
after every painting.
203
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,557
Sorry, nerd. Birthday.
You're coming with me.
204
00:07:07,558 --> 00:07:09,807
So, we're on our own
tomorrow?
205
00:07:09,808 --> 00:07:12,849
Yes. And then we can all have
dinner together for my birthday.
206
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,932
It's official--
this is no longer a family trip.
207
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:17,017
We're on vacation!
208
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:24,016
Don't even
think about it.
209
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:25,349
Okay, guys, listen up--
210
00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:27,099
keep your cellphones handy
in case we need to reach you.
211
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,099
Unless you got
diabetes overnight
212
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,474
and it's for your insulin,
213
00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:32,516
that fanny pack
is unacceptable.
214
00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:34,724
Cooper's downstairs.
I'm gonna go meet him.
215
00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:36,932
I also have a money belt
for my most irreplaceable items.
216
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,224
Like your lip balm?
217
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,724
It's actually nipple cream
for nursing mothers.
218
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,682
It's the only thing that keeps
these babies from cracking.
219
00:07:42,683 --> 00:07:44,307
Ugh.
220
00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:46,641
People say Van Gogh cut off
his ear because of a woman,
221
00:07:46,642 --> 00:07:48,474
but I'm pretty sure it's
because his dad said the words
222
00:07:48,475 --> 00:07:50,391
"nipple cream."
223
00:07:50,392 --> 00:07:52,558
Okay, you two--
sun block.
224
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:55,849
I want you to watch
225
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,474
the "Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"
226
00:07:57,475 --> 00:07:59,307
season nine reunion show
227
00:07:59,308 --> 00:08:02,057
so that you can realize, "A,"
it's fantastic,
228
00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:04,808
and "B," there's crazier
out there than what you married.
229
00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:07,891
How can you watch
that garbage?
230
00:08:07,892 --> 00:08:09,641
Interesting.
231
00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:11,974
I seem to remember the head of
the school recycling committee
232
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:15,433
saying that we need to, quote,
"rethink garbage."
233
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,224
That's out of context.
234
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:23,599
Fun fact-- in 1932,
235
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,724
actress Peg Entwistle
committed suicide
236
00:08:25,725 --> 00:08:28,016
by jumping off the "H"
in the Hollywood sign.
237
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:29,807
The "H" in Hollywood
or the "H" in sign?
238
00:08:29,808 --> 00:08:30,683
Taylor.
239
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:34,099
When you and your sister walk to
Hollywood Boulevard,
240
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,891
you need to keep an eye on her
at all times.
241
00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:38,182
Great! So once again, I'm stuck
looking after Anna-Kat.
242
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:39,891
Maybe you can use this
as an opportunity
243
00:08:39,892 --> 00:08:41,432
to cross another thing
off your life-skills list.
244
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:42,475
Like what?
245
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:47,474
52-- Keep a plant alive.
246
00:08:47,475 --> 00:08:49,057
That's close enough.
247
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:50,183
Oh, my God.
248
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,516
Mom's present!
249
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:59,307
It's broken!
How did this happen?
250
00:09:06,017 --> 00:09:07,474
Look, I'm a kid.
251
00:09:07,475 --> 00:09:09,266
You give me bubble wrap,
I'mma pop it.
252
00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:13,016
You guys need to get this
re-framed by dinner tonight.
253
00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,349
Why do we have to
get it fixed?!
254
00:09:14,350 --> 00:09:15,224
Because you broke it.
255
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:16,599
Anna-Kat broke it!
256
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,557
How could I break it?
I'm a plant.
257
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,767
Just fix it.
258
00:09:21,308 --> 00:09:23,307
We have three hours
until the frame is fixed,
259
00:09:23,308 --> 00:09:24,974
so we'll do the Walk of Fame
first and then the wax museum.
260
00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:26,641
Look-- Marilyn Monroe.
261
00:09:26,642 --> 00:09:28,432
She lived a really sad life.
262
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:30,099
She grew up an orphan.
263
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,599
And I'm sure she died
in a super depressing way.
264
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,307
Yeah.
Drug overdose.
265
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:36,392
At least that's what
the Kennedys want you to think.
266
00:09:37,517 --> 00:09:39,224
See?
They're fine.
267
00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:41,141
I know.
I just worry about them.
268
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:42,141
Me too.
269
00:09:42,142 --> 00:09:43,349
But this is a vacation,
270
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,016
and we're doing stuff
that we want to do.
271
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:46,474
Stuff you want to do.
Same thing.
272
00:09:46,475 --> 00:09:47,724
And the only way to do that
273
00:09:47,725 --> 00:09:49,641
is to trust the kids
to take care of themselves,
274
00:09:49,642 --> 00:09:51,266
which they're clearly
doing.
275
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:53,141
You just need to
find a way to relax.
276
00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:54,849
Oh, I could use
my new meditation app.
277
00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:56,266
My cellphone
is readily accessible
278
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,516
right here
in my convenient fanny pack.
279
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:04,557
Or we could relax
California style.
280
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:05,724
Oh, I don't know.
281
00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:07,474
What?
It's legal here.
282
00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:09,766
And it's not like
you've never done it before.
283
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,766
Okay,
remember when I told you
284
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:13,682
I partied a lot
in high school?
Yeah.
285
00:10:13,683 --> 00:10:16,516
Replace "partied" with "learned
calligraphy in my basement."
286
00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,432
Don't worry.
I'll be with you.
287
00:10:18,433 --> 00:10:19,891
They didn't nickname me
288
00:10:19,892 --> 00:10:22,517
Katie "Dank-Nasty Bong-MacGyver
Babylon" for nothing.
289
00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:36,849
If you're gonna
understand me,
290
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:38,432
you need to live
within my limitations.
291
00:10:38,433 --> 00:10:40,141
So I'm giving you $20.
292
00:10:40,142 --> 00:10:41,432
That's all you have
to spend.
293
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,475
Piece of cake!
294
00:10:44,683 --> 00:10:45,891
That's really nice.
295
00:10:45,892 --> 00:10:47,057
Sure is.
296
00:10:47,058 --> 00:10:48,432
I think I'm gonna get one
in white.
297
00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:50,182
Ah, you want it,
but you can't have it,
298
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,849
because that sweater
definitely costs more than $20.
299
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:55,182
I was talking
about the Lamborghini.
300
00:10:55,975 --> 00:10:58,016
But I do like that sweater.
301
00:10:58,017 --> 00:11:00,432
Aw, I'm sorry.
You can't afford it.
302
00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:01,932
It costs at least 3 grand.
303
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:04,599
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
304
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,807
You know what?
I'm gonna get it.
305
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,224
I can't.
I'm done.
306
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,974
Pot store was a lot nicer
than I thought it would be.
307
00:11:16,975 --> 00:11:17,932
And very educational.
Mm-hmm.
308
00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:19,391
The gentleman at the front
told me
309
00:11:19,392 --> 00:11:21,016
that when you want to smoke,
you look at your watch
310
00:11:21,017 --> 00:11:23,017
and say, "Hey now,
it's blunt o'clock."
311
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,849
It's been half an hour
since we took the gummies.
312
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,974
Mm.
You feel anything yet?
313
00:11:28,975 --> 00:11:30,266
No.
314
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:31,724
Maybe we should take
another one.
315
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:32,641
Let's give it a sec.
316
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:33,725
Mm.
317
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:49,932
Do you really like being
an Uber driver?
So, h-how long-- how long have
you been doing it?
318
00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:52,141
Is it the best thing ever?
Is it-- I mean, do you see guys
all the time?
319
00:11:52,142 --> 00:11:53,432
Do you see so many people?
Just would be so weird!
320
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:54,932
But it's amazing. Oh, my God.
Do you have a gun?
321
00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:56,099
I want to be an Uber driver
all of a sudden.
322
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,307
Have you punched people?
323
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:06,266
What a great fight.
324
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,516
See?!
325
00:12:07,517 --> 00:12:09,266
Reality TV is the best!
326
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:11,182
The best!
327
00:12:11,183 --> 00:12:14,891
I've wasted so much time
watching Ken Burns.
I know.
328
00:12:14,892 --> 00:12:16,307
We're free, Greg!
329
00:12:16,308 --> 00:12:17,682
We're at the place
in our life
330
00:12:17,683 --> 00:12:19,557
where the kids
hardly even need us anymore.
331
00:12:19,558 --> 00:12:21,432
We made it!
332
00:12:21,433 --> 00:12:23,474
Cut your own
damn crusts off, kids!
333
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:24,724
Yeah!
Yeah!
334
00:12:24,725 --> 00:12:26,557
Find your own damn shoes!
335
00:12:26,558 --> 00:12:29,141
Yeah, shoes your own
damn crust!
336
00:12:29,142 --> 00:12:31,057
What?
337
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,057
Hey, look! Lana Turner!
338
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,766
Her daughter murdered
her Mafia boyfriend,
339
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:42,599
and the studio covered it up.
340
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,307
They don't do business
like that anymore.
341
00:12:44,308 --> 00:12:45,391
It's all so corporate.
342
00:12:45,392 --> 00:12:46,349
Yes. Okay.
343
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,057
Alright.
344
00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,391
Okay,
let's try it again.
[ Laughing ] Oh!
345
00:12:49,392 --> 00:12:51,224
Which shell has the pea?
346
00:12:51,225 --> 00:12:53,599
Anna-Kat, I saw that woman win
twice in a row,
347
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,266
and I spotted the ball
every time.
348
00:12:55,267 --> 00:12:57,141
I could double
the money Dad gave us.
349
00:12:57,142 --> 00:12:59,767
These things are scams.
Yeah, you're right.
350
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,557
Yes!
351
00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:03,891
I'm getting killed
out here.
352
00:13:03,892 --> 00:13:05,474
Might just pack it up.
353
00:13:05,475 --> 00:13:06,725
I'll do it!
354
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,182
Okay.
355
00:13:11,183 --> 00:13:12,974
You know where the pea is not,
you know where the pea is.
356
00:13:12,975 --> 00:13:16,182
Keep your eye on the shell
that has the pea.
357
00:13:16,183 --> 00:13:17,391
What shell has the pea?
358
00:13:17,392 --> 00:13:18,391
That one.
359
00:13:18,392 --> 00:13:19,932
So sorry.
360
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,807
It's not there.
It's over here.
361
00:13:21,808 --> 00:13:23,099
What?!
362
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,516
No!
I swear, it was there!
363
00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:28,974
They were in on it
together.
364
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,557
They set you up.
365
00:13:30,558 --> 00:13:32,142
I'm so screwed.
366
00:13:33,808 --> 00:13:36,099
Wonder Woman!
I need your help!
367
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,932
They stole my money!
You need to stop them!
368
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:39,516
I'll do it for $5.
369
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,349
Taylor,
don't give her the--
370
00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:44,224
W-- She stole my money!
371
00:13:44,225 --> 00:13:46,599
Batman,
there's been a crime!
372
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,599
Batman!
373
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:51,182
Here we go.
374
00:13:51,183 --> 00:13:53,224
I can't believe
we're at PUMP.
375
00:13:53,225 --> 00:13:55,807
Lisa Vanderpump's
my favorite housewife,
376
00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:57,599
and I finally get to
meet her!
377
00:13:59,683 --> 00:14:01,183
Get out of the car, Greg.
378
00:14:14,475 --> 00:14:15,891
Wait.
379
00:14:15,892 --> 00:14:18,391
This isn't right.
380
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:20,516
Oh, crap!
381
00:14:20,517 --> 00:14:21,974
I guess I was
all gummied up
382
00:14:21,975 --> 00:14:25,099
and put the wrong PUMP
into the Uber web-thing.
383
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,808
Greg,
call them to come back.
384
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,807
My fanny pack!
385
00:14:32,808 --> 00:14:33,849
I left my fanny pack
in the car.
386
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:34,724
It's got all our stuff
in it!
387
00:14:34,725 --> 00:14:37,266
We're stranded!
388
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,516
Aah!
Wait!
389
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:39,558
What about
your money belt?
390
00:14:42,850 --> 00:14:44,057
All that is in here
391
00:14:44,058 --> 00:14:46,974
is a pocket-size copy
of the Constitution.
392
00:14:46,975 --> 00:14:50,057
People died to protect
this document, Katie.
393
00:14:55,683 --> 00:14:56,932
We need to call Oliver.
Yes.
394
00:14:56,933 --> 00:15:00,432
He is with Cooper,
and Cooper has his driver.
395
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,266
We need to ask the guy
in the station...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
396
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:05,141
...to use his phone.
397
00:15:05,142 --> 00:15:07,724
Do you know
Oliver's number?
398
00:15:07,725 --> 00:15:09,224
Of course not.
399
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,641
It's in my phone,
400
00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:14,099
which you insisted that I put
in your convenient fanny pack.
401
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:17,724
If we think hard enough,
we'll remember it.
402
00:15:17,725 --> 00:15:20,557
Oliver.
Mm-hmm.
403
00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:22,307
Oliver.
Yes.
404
00:15:22,308 --> 00:15:26,557
Oliver Otto.
405
00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:28,099
That's fun to say.
Mm-hmm.
406
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:34,016
Oliver Ot-to.
407
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,432
Wait.
408
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:38,016
What were we trying
to remember?
409
00:15:40,558 --> 00:15:42,599
I really messed up.
410
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,766
I can't pay
for the frame,
411
00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:46,349
so Mom's not gonna have
her birthday gift.
412
00:15:48,433 --> 00:15:50,932
I think we should just call Dad
and tell him what happened.
413
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:53,432
We can't.
He's gonna be so mad.
414
00:15:53,433 --> 00:15:55,057
You know how he spits
when he yells.
415
00:15:55,058 --> 00:15:56,600
He's gonna get nipple cream
all over me.
416
00:15:57,642 --> 00:15:59,932
Ugh.
What are we gonna do?
417
00:16:11,225 --> 00:16:13,557
♪ Here I am for the first time ♪
418
00:16:13,558 --> 00:16:15,641
♪ Look to my right,
and I see the Hollywood sign ♪
419
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,641
♪ This is all so crazy ♪
420
00:16:17,642 --> 00:16:19,724
♪ Everybody here's so famous ♪
421
00:16:19,725 --> 00:16:22,432
♪ So I put my hands up,
playin' my song ♪
422
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:24,266
♪ Butterflies fly away ♪
423
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,474
♪ Noddin' my head like yeah ♪
424
00:16:26,475 --> 00:16:28,141
♪ Movin' my hips like yeah ♪
425
00:16:28,142 --> 00:16:30,766
♪ And I put my hands up,
playin' my song ♪
426
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,932
♪ Know I'm gonna be okay ♪
427
00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:36,849
♪ Yea-a-a-a-a-ah,
it's a party in the USA ♪
428
00:16:46,142 --> 00:16:48,724
Dude, I'm sorry, but I just
don't get how--
429
00:16:48,725 --> 00:16:51,266
Okay,
so where are you guys?
430
00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:52,557
Fine.
We'll be right there.
431
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:55,349
We have to go pick up
my parents.
432
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:56,766
Apparently, they lost
all their stuff
433
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,932
and are stranded
somewhere completely random.
434
00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:00,516
I'll text my driver
to come pick us up.
435
00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:03,224
They never leave me alone.
436
00:17:03,225 --> 00:17:05,641
I can't even get one day
away from them, you know?
437
00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:07,641
Actually, I don't.
438
00:17:07,642 --> 00:17:09,599
I'm not even sure if my parents
know I'm in L.A.
439
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,766
Aw, sorry, dude.
440
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:13,224
I forgot they're AWOL
all the time.
441
00:17:13,225 --> 00:17:15,474
Huh.
442
00:17:15,475 --> 00:17:18,266
I think I get what you were
trying to tell me.
443
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:19,932
It feels bad
when your best friend
444
00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:23,224
has something you want
but can't have.
445
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,682
How about this--
446
00:17:24,683 --> 00:17:27,266
from now on, I'll be sensitive
to what you don't have,
447
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,391
and you'll be sensitive
to what I don't have.
448
00:17:29,392 --> 00:17:31,766
Cool! And if you want,
I'll keep sharing my money.
449
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:32,891
And I'll keep sharing
my parents.
450
00:17:32,892 --> 00:17:34,057
Sweet.
451
00:17:34,058 --> 00:17:35,807
Can I get a little more
Katie than Greg?
452
00:17:35,808 --> 00:17:37,224
I mean, your dad's chill,
453
00:17:37,225 --> 00:17:39,432
but your mom's just
on another level.
454
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,724
I love that chica.
455
00:17:42,725 --> 00:17:45,974
Oh, my God!
Anna-Kat, you made over $100!
456
00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:47,850
Not including the fake money
with pictures of Elvis on it.
457
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:50,891
Please don't tell me
how he died.
458
00:17:50,892 --> 00:17:51,725
Fine.
459
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,391
Heart attack
on the toilet.
460
00:17:55,892 --> 00:17:58,099
I want to apologize.
461
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,057
I've been complaining about
having to look after you,
462
00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:01,892
but you ended up being the one
looking after me.
463
00:18:03,808 --> 00:18:05,141
We'll look after
each other.
464
00:18:05,142 --> 00:18:08,099
Let's go pick up
Mom's present.
465
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,808
Hey!
Let's double our money!
466
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:13,807
Me next!
Taylor.
467
00:18:13,808 --> 00:18:16,141
Maybe it'll just be me
looking after you.
468
00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:20,766
Thank God Taylor knew how
to get ahold of our Uber
469
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,682
so we could get
our stuff back.
470
00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:25,182
I was wrong to try
and push our kids away.
471
00:18:25,183 --> 00:18:27,891
I was in such a rush for them
to take care of themselves,
472
00:18:27,892 --> 00:18:30,766
when it turns out we can't even
take care of ourselves.
473
00:18:30,767 --> 00:18:32,599
Yeah, if you think we can't
take care of ourselves now,
474
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:33,391
wait until we get older.
475
00:18:33,392 --> 00:18:34,891
I know!
476
00:18:34,892 --> 00:18:36,141
When we're 80, who's going to
take us to the doctor?
477
00:18:36,142 --> 00:18:38,099
Or put us in a nursing home
against our will?
478
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,766
Oliver.
Yeah.
479
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:41,432
That's what I was
gonna say.
480
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:46,474
I don't see
Lisa Vanderpump.
481
00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:49,932
Maybe she's at SUR shooting
"Vanderpump Rules."
482
00:18:49,933 --> 00:18:51,475
Mm, she has been
having trouble with Jax.
483
00:18:52,892 --> 00:18:55,016
This right here
484
00:18:55,017 --> 00:18:57,266
is the best birthday present
I could've gotten.
485
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,182
Well, here's one more.
486
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,224
I know you didn't want to make
a big deal about your birthday,
487
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,391
but here's a little something
from all of us.
488
00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:06,725
Happy birthday, Mom.
489
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,974
Oh, my God!
490
00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:14,141
My favorite photo!
491
00:19:14,142 --> 00:19:16,016
It's hilarious.
Aww.
492
00:19:16,017 --> 00:19:17,557
I love it.
493
00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:19,682
Happy birthday,
Katie Otto!
494
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,516
Lisa Vanderpump!
495
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:25,724
How did you know
that it was my birthday?
496
00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:28,682
Well, my godson called
and told me.
497
00:19:28,683 --> 00:19:29,682
Hello, Cooper, darling.
498
00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:31,391
Mwah!
499
00:19:31,392 --> 00:19:33,349
My family, your money--
it works.
500
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:34,682
Perfectly.
501
00:19:34,683 --> 00:19:35,432
It's a real pleasure
to meet you.
502
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:36,891
We're such big fans.
503
00:19:36,892 --> 00:19:39,807
Wait, aren't you
Professor Badonkadonk?
504
00:19:39,808 --> 00:19:40,807
As a matter of fact,
I am.
505
00:19:40,808 --> 00:19:42,182
Ohh.
506
00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:44,349
Ken, Puffy, and I
love your videos.
507
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:47,600
Well, anyway,
blow out the candles.
508
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:50,974
Happy birthday, darling.
509
00:19:50,975 --> 00:19:52,183
Mwah!
Thank you.
510
00:19:54,558 --> 00:19:55,766
Ha!
511
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:57,474
This is amazing.
512
00:19:57,475 --> 00:19:59,516
I could be friends with her.
513
00:19:59,517 --> 00:20:01,016
We hooked her
with Badonkadonk.
514
00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:02,766
Now you got to marry her godson
to reel her in.
515
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,724
Mom, we're not gay.
516
00:20:03,725 --> 00:20:05,600
But it's my birthday!
517
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:10,974
This is super boring.
518
00:20:10,975 --> 00:20:12,766
No fighting,
no backstabbing.
519
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:14,516
This is terrible
reality TV.
520
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,599
At least we had that funny part
when Ablin went to the bathroom
521
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,766
and Luthor ate his sandwich.
522
00:20:19,642 --> 00:20:20,766
Anna-Kat:
Did he drop something?
523
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,432
No.
He's proposing!
524
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:25,974
Oh, my gosh!
525
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,641
She said yes!
526
00:20:27,642 --> 00:20:29,432
Aww!
527
00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:33,974
Uh, Katie, why don't you open
Doris and Angela's present?
528
00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:35,349
It's by the TV
in the other room.
529
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,683
{\an8}Oh.
Yeah.
530
00:20:46,058 --> 00:20:47,474
{\an8}Happy birthday!
531
00:20:48,892 --> 00:20:52,516
{\an8}You crazy bitches
flew out here!
532
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:53,349
{\an8}Ooh!
Big FIJIs!
38560
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof