Original subtitles

A SERBIAN FILM

Baby, I'm gonna fuck you up!

Are you insane?

Haven't we agreed about putting away your flicks?

What's that? Give it to mommy.

Sorry, but it's not a big deal.

I saw my first porn when I was his age.

How are you, kiddo?

But your dad wasn't starring in it!

Marija, I'm sorry I didn't mean it.

I dug up that DVD because...

Lejla called and wanted to see me today.

Baby, you want mommy to make you a toast?

The jumping bread!

Mom, what was dad doing there?

Nothing, hon. Just playing with a girlfriend.

It's like a cartoon for the grown-ups.

- ♪ So ♪ - ♪ A needle pulling thread ♪

- ♪ La ♪ - ♪ A note to follow sol ♪

- ♪ Ti ♪ - ♪ A drink with jam and bread ♪

♪ That will bring us back to Do ♪

♪ Ti La So Fa Mi Re Do ♪

Honey, I have to pay for Petar's singing lessons.

- Bye, dad. - Bye, dad.

Easy on that whiskey. Rye kills sexual appetite.

That's why I drink it.

So...

- how's family life? - Nice.

How are Petar and... Marija?

Yes, Marija. They're fine.

Next year Petar's starting school.

It'll be interesting when they ask about

his father's occupation.

His father is a fine gentleman in a premature retirement.

The problem with that pension is that it's not lifelong.

How much do you have stashed? 5 or 10 grand?

Miloš, you were more than just a porn star

you were an artist.

All actresses you worked with wanted to marry you.

You're still an artist, but with a temporary block.

Believe me.

And I'm your guardian angel.

Listen, something big is about to happen.

Artistic pornography of the highest level. Here, in Serbia.

- In Serbia? - Only filmed here, but for the foreign market.

Terribly professional. Phenomenally paid.

If you accept, your family will be settled till the end of Petar's life.

The man's name is Vukmir. He'll call you in a few days.

Be nice to him.

Here's something for the junior.

Wow, where's his pussy?

You didn't tell me you brought your police brother to the meeting.

I came on my own. I knew you'd be here and couldn't miss

a chance to see you. I'm your great admirer.

You're well preserved.

Who's the plastic surgeon we have to thank for this?

You know I started early. I don't need plastic yet.

Everybody needs it.

These don't.

So long, fags. Miloš, you heard my advice.

- A hooker! - A porn star.

Has-been.

You know the kind of work she did after you married?

I know.

No one could handle a dick like she could.

A natural talent.

Funny she hasn't contacted her dealer

in the past few years.

Is she off drugs?

Doubtful.

A new, rich provider, more likely.

I'll check on her.

You'll alienate me from my friends

if you keep checking on them.

Friends, in Serbia?

You can't check them enough.

I gotta go.

Say hello to your kid and his beautiful mom.

I'm paying for the bite.

- So long. - Bye.

Sleeping time, hands up.

- Dad? - Yes?

Know that friend of yours

that you were beating in the video?

It's only a movie. Make believe. When dad was young.

I know, but while I was watching it

- I felt something strange. - What?

Like some kind of a wheel, spinning.

- A wheel? Where? - Down there, near my willie.

Several of them, like a family, travelling.

Do they live in me?

They do, hon, in all of us. We all have them.

- Everyone in the world? - Yes, everyone.

They're gone now, so close your eyes

think of them and you'll fall asleep faster.

What language is that?

I'm translating for some Swedes.

Swedish? I'm great in it.

That's right.

Wait, I know more. Listen to this.

You would be a mega star.

So, you say Lejla is offering you a serious job?

So she said. It's strange.

Why would anyone offer me big money

after such a long pause? In Serbia?

And after all the crap I shot, look at this.

Maybe they need the only porn star with a university diploma.

Do you miss it?

- What? - The job.

I don't know. No.

I miss the money so we could escape away from here.

Say...

all those poor girls you threw away like condoms...

How come you've never done me like them?

Well, I love you. I've just fucked them.

Does that mean that you never wanted to fuck me?

Am I talking to the Balkan sex god,

the Nikola Tesla of the world of pornography?

You must be Vukmir?

Of course. Miloš, if you're ready to change your life

right now and provide your family for good

a car will be waiting at your door in 30 minutes.

You just hop in, and take a ride towards fulfilment

of your personal and my professional fantasies.

Can't wait to meet you!

I'm honoured to shake hands with such an artist. I'm Vukmir.

I'm Miloš, nice to meet you.

The right hand...

is the sex centre in any man,

It's a direct line between your brain and cock.

Ever since your childhood.

Your hand is special

for it has jerked such a special cock.

Miloš...

it's an honour

to shake the hand of such an artist of fuck.

Pornography is art, but people can't see that.

Why not?

Because they just want to jizz into a napkin

what they can't into a woman.

These movies are mostly made so that

those who can't get laid can cum.

They're made by butchers

who can't tell a camera from a broom.

Their 'actors' would be fucking a hole

in the wall if there were no pussy.

Do you know what proves that there is art in pornography?

What?

You.

You, Miloš.

You are the proof!

Your sense of handling a woman, your rhythm of exhausting her,

your talent to humiliate her,

and then, when she is reduced to a dog-shit, to win her back.

And your love for it, that's art.

Sadly, this is no country for real art.

This lifeless place.

Where there is no life, there can't be real art.

A real talent will rot here, while maggots

are giving press conferences.

Have you done anything I could've seen?

I'm doing stuff that no one else does.

Just for the selected clients.

All right, but what is it?

Art, naked art!

Truth.

Real people, real situations, real sex...

minimal editing.

There's a serious script.

We know it...

You don't.

And what am I supposed to do?

The same as always, Miloš.

Just stand before the cameras, whip out your cock, and fuck until it's raw.

I don't know, I'm a little tired of cameras and fucking.

You're also tired of humping scum

any time your family needs money.

Kissing some wretched cunts

with the same lips you've kissed your kid with.

Thanks, doctor.

- What's that? - The contract.

No need to read it all, just the numbers.

Something wrong?

I don't know what I'm signing, what I'm shooting.

You're not supposed to know.

If you knew, you wouldn't be so good.

♪ In a winter night Way up the hill ♪

♪ A creek was frozen And covered by the snow ♪

♪ A bunny's weeping For that frozen creek ♪

♪ Young bunny's crying With all his heart ♪

♪ But poor li'l bunny There upon the hill ♪

♪ Perhaps he's after the swallows Heading for a warmer South ♪

Vukmir!

Sounds like a name for one of your guys at the Hague tribunal.

Are you sure he's not an arms dealer?

No, he's some kind of an artist philosopher

with a grand plan.

So, is it grand?

I don't know.

But it seems like he desperately needs me, since he's willing to offer so much cash.

How much cash?

I won't tell you.

Yes you will, or I'm not giving it back.

Okay, I'll tell you, just let go.

Don't tell me you refused?

Of course I did.

I wanted to see if you're with me for the money.

If I were, I'd have dumped you for your brother long ago.

So, you prefer poor porn stars over bad cops.

Does that mean that I should rent my dick to Vukmir?

Remember what you told me

when I asked if you missed your job?

Miloš, I want both of your heads to be clear and hard.

If it's true...

If what is true?

That you were always able to have it erected

with no touching or looking.

Like a cock at dawn, rising to its own song.

I also know that you filmed all your scenes in the first take.

Don't be so modest,

you're the best, that's why you're here.

How long do you think it would take?

A few days.

I haven't translated from Russian since 1994.

What is it exactly? Some take-over contract?

Yeah.

We're sending some goods to Moscow for redistribution.

- Want one? - Yes.

No thanks.

You said you wanted one.

Oh, sorry. I'm a bit...

I miss female company.

A least you can always arrest a fine looking lady.

Yes, but I doubt I'll ever have the real thing.

A relationship, marriage. Like two of you.

You stopped hoping too soon.

Women here like men in uniform.

Especially if they're not wearing it.

Sorry, I got to go to the bathroom.

You know what they say about rye.

It's high time you started taking care of yourself.

With great talent comes a great desire for self-fuckability.

- When, exactly, do we start? - In three days.

I'm not comfortable with not knowing a thing.

Miloš, get a grip. You're a porn actor

who wants to know what a porno film is about?

It's a bit absurd.

You're not supposed to know, but only to relax.

That's too much money to leave anything to chance.

Nothing is left to chance.

Miloš...

that is a serious organization.

My clients know exactly what they want,

and I know what I'm doing.

Don't worry, everything is already prepared,

you just have to appear, be what you are,

relax and react...

as Miloš would.

Pornography should not be an illusion,

but a live transmission of sex.

- Dad. - Yes, son.

Remember the little wheels?

I do.

Do you know how to make them spin?

I do. But you must do it yourself.

We all do it alone.

Tell me how.

When you feel them, try to follow them

It's a family travelling

and you just close your eyes and follow them.

Wait, the wheels are spinning better at night.

Put it in your ear.

Enter the building, relaxed.

HOME FOR ABANDONED AND ORPHANED CHILDREN

Walk slowly ahead.

Be natural.

I wish I impaled myself on a fence

rather than giving birth to you!

Haven't told you not to let the villains take you away?

Get lost, you misbegotten wretch!

What are you staring at?

Bravo.

What was it like?

Fine.

We were filming at an orphanage.

Where?

Drag yourself over here!

Look at yourself. You can't even raise a dick.

How will you ever raise a child?

The child is mine. Raiko only made it.

I gave birth to it. Come, you bitch!

Let me go, villains!

Give me back my child, you bastards!

- Honey? - Hi.

What are you doing?

I picked up Petar from classes.

I'm taking him to a costume party. Are you coming?

No, I'm tired. I must get some sleep.

Everything all right?

Sure. Just you enjoy yourselves.

Talk to you later, I must park now. Bye.

The cake is coming.

Never seen such a cake in my life.

- Aren't you in action? - Marko, you must do me a favour.

I'm all dick.

I need a detailed check on my director,

producer, pimp, a goddamn businessman, Vukmir.

I don't know his last name.

Check his whole crew.

Little bro has changed his views on checking his friends?

Look, it's important and urgent.

Understood.

Everything okay with you?

Yes, so far. How about you?

Working on it.

Light the candles.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Petar ♪

Baby, the time is flying and your animal is snoozing again.

Come on, blow harder. Blow harder.

- Blow harder. - Bravo!

Bravo.

Now we're gonna open the present from uncle.

This is the present from your uncle.

How do you open this?

Happy birthday, my sweet son.

What do you think, how does he manage to stay so hard so long?

It's not a dick, it's a police stick!

If you don't know, I can't help you.

The bitches are leaking all over, he's servicing all three of them.

How come he's not tired?

Why isn't he fucking limp, like all the normal people?

You're at it again!

That's hardly gonna shape it like we all want.

What was so urgent?

You tell me, what are we shooting?

Are those cameramen real cops?

Are they protection?

What from?

Cut the crap!

You're drunk, nearly impotent and turning dumb.

I may be dumb, but not naive.

Vukmir knows what he's doing.

I trust him more than myself.

They're the greatest pros you've ever worked with.

What've you done previously with those pros of yours?

Don't take it all on me because I fuck animals for art's sake,

while you can't take a bit of uncertainty for some big bucks.

Does it mean I'll have to suck a donkey's dick for money?

It's not so bad, trust me.

Better than the crap you've been at lately.

- You know, I miss that. - What?

The certainty of that crap.

At least I knew what I was filming.

Do you miss this?

You're losing it.

Lucky for you Vukmir hasn't noticed yet.

You're resting from healthy life.

How was the costume party?

- Hey, what's that? - It's a stand up balloon.

Your Raiko was a war hero.

If only he knew about his wife's whoring!

He would've killed both you and that poor child of yours.

What the hell is all this, people?

Hello, I can't work like this!

Hey!

Hit the whore. Hit the whore!

- Hit her. - Hit the whore.

Hit her.

Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo.

Bravo, that was magnificent.

Miloš?

Miloš, what's wrong?

I'm not doing this. I'm not beating women

in front of kids or cameras.

Miloš, Jeca is our kid. I'd never dream of hurting her.

Her mother fucked everything, from stones to barbed wire.

You're like a Sunday picnic for her.

I'm not only an artist but also a professional.

I'd never do a thing against one's will.

You're doing against mine.

I won't stand any kind of torture.

Yeah, you seem to know a lot about torture.

Did you enjoy it less than a midget woman whom

you locked up in an oven in Stuttgart and pierced a hole

in it so she could suck you up for hours?

At least your dick enjoyed it,

and it never lies.

Vukmir Vukmir. His name is also his surname.

Worked as a psychologist in orphanages until 1992.

Then he moved to the Children's Program

of the State TV. It's getting better and better!

A lifelong fascination with the world of film.

Now, it follows with a mess I had to clarify

with data from the State Security.

Allegedly, he worked for them, too.

Sent abroad on a mission, his trace was lost in Japan.

If he's done any movies, no one's seen them.

That's about it.

I don't know what bothers you.

According to this, you've never worked with a more educated man.

Who are you gonna trust if not a child psychologist who worked for Security?

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad, uncle Vukmir is shooting.

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad, uncle Vukmir is shooting.

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad, uncle Vukmir is shooting.

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad, uncle Vukmir is shooting.

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad, uncle Vukmir is shooting.

Want something to eat?

No, I've had my daily dose of rye.

You don't have to go, you can do it over the phone.

No, I must show up.

It wouldn't be fair.

Today we're shooting at home again.

Without me. As of today, I'm retiring.

Is there any way for me to convince you otherwise?

No.

The kids bother me. I can't do such stuff in the kindergarten.

I fully understand you.

But, in that case between you and the kids,

I must choose the kids. They're my speciality, my whole life.

It's my fault. I thought you'd be better if you didn't know...

If I had known from the start, I'd only have declined sooner.

What did you say, kindergarten?

That's a good term.

This whole fucking country is one big shitty kindergarten.

A bunch of kids discarded by their parents.

Do you know what it feels like?

Your whole life you're compelled to prove

that you're able to take care of yourself.

To prove that you can shit, eat, fuck,

drink, bleed, earn money...

do whatever it takes to survive, until you die.

Would you believe me if I told you that I

and this wonderful family that you're so anxious to leave

are the only chance for this nation's survival?

We are the backbone of this country's economy.

Only we can prove that this nation is alive

and useful for anything.

Useful for anything to make life worth living!

I can see that you're insane, I need no proof for that.

Just tell me, how does it all connect to pornography?

Miloš...

Miloš, Miloš, no, no, no, Miloš, no, no...

Not pornography, but life itself!

That's life of a victim.

Love, art, blood...

Flesh and soul of a victim.

Transmitted live to the world who has lost all that

and now is paying to watch that

from the comfort of an armchair.

I have no doubt that it sells well

based on the sum you offered me.

Victim sells, Miloš.

Victim.

Victim is the priciest sell in this world.

The victim feels the most and suffers the best.

We are victim, Miloš.

You, me, this whole nation is a victim.

We're just too retarded.

And I won't be a victim because of that.

But Miloš...

you're the only one in this film who is not a victim!

Is that so?

Allow me, as your shepherd

to show you the power of a real victim.

Miloš!

Can it be that you don't get it, Miloš?

This is a new genre, Miloš!

A new genre.

Newborn porn!

Newborn!

Newborn porn!

Newborn!

...so that tomorrow, on the 18th of May...

you'll witness a new Serbian jet-set extravagance...

...so that tomorrow, on the 18th of May you'll witness...

...tomorrow, on the 18th of May...

...the 18th of May...

...the 18th of May...

Marija!

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Mobile user is not available at the moment, please check the number...

If you only knew how easily cattle aphrodisiac is diluted in whiskey.

Actually, rye doesn't kill sexual desire at all, right?

Viagra for bulls!

A special recipe concocted by our sexy doctor,

who is so fond of speed that she puts it into coffee, too.

Can he follow my words?

Now, that's our stud!

Look at him, look at him!

Bravo, bravo!

She's a dirty junky cunt!

She destroyed her child, daughter of a war hero!

Sweet little Jeca watched her mother fuck the junky bums.

She is scum. Hit the whore! Hit the bitch!

Yeah, you bitch!

Yes, that's one of the bitch-mothers

who conceives babies in lust

and then throws them into a river.

The lustful brood of wenches

with endless gashes in them.

Imagine she were your son's mother.

Imagine her turning Petar into a dog-fucker's bitch!

Imagine that, Miloš!

Strike her, hit her!

That's it! Bravo! Bravo!

The unique magic of rigor mortis!

Mobile user is not available at the moment...

That's right, make it right.

Fucking cell!

Hi.

What?

Never mind, he'll come to me. Don't worry, he will.

Fucking hell. Okay, run now.

This one is on me.

Now you ruined it all. You've destroyed the project.

I did what? How?

You could've drugged any of your apes to fuck like crazy.

You had Miloš. Now you don't. Now he's a headless dick.

If only you sliced, say, his son's ear

he'd be his old self again!

He'd fuck God in the ass at your command!

Instead, you take a genius and fill him with a fuck-dope.

You're cheap, just like everyone else.

Fear is bad. It's a downer.

He needs to rise high. To feel the ecstasy of a free fuck.

When he feels it, he'll forget all

including his wife, his son, mother...

What do you know about a free fuck?

What do you know of ecstasy?

What do you know of that?

This is no art. You're no longer an artist!

I'm not working for you anymore.

Nor is Miloš. I'm taking him home.

Get away from me!

God itself brought you, son. God sent you to deliver us...

God itself brought you, son. God sent you to deliver us...

from that whore, may she rest in peace,

She was a shame to our house.

Raiko was a great warrior, but had a poor taste in women.

Since he was killed, this house rots with no male to govern it.

That's why God sent you as our saviour from all worry.

That's not all of it.

There's not only the house, but a daughter to take care of, too.

Our poor Jeca became an orphan.

My Alice in Wonderland.

Raiko...

Raiko was killed just when he was supposed to

prove to Jeca that he's not only a father,

but a man as well. You came instead of him.

You'll have the honour of giving her

a virgin's communion. To make her a woman.

Like my late father did with me.

Come on, come on...

Now!

I'm gonna cut it off, you motherfuckers!

No, no no, Miloš, Miloš...

Our film just jumped through the window!

What are you waiting for? After him!

- Marko, it's me. Come for me. - Miloš, what's wrong?

I'm at... Celopecka. I'm in the Celopecka street, no 7.

- Please get me! - Miloš, I can't...

Hey, baby, where you headin' for?

Out naked, but won't take a dick?

Be polite, the girl is underage.

So what if I am underage?

Look at this jerk!

No, Raša, don't.

A rare kind of monk put seven adult male goats

into a shed during summer.

They leave them for a month

until their balls are like melons.

When they get too hot, they start fucking one another.

The monks take the dried bloody cum off their balls

and mix it with milk.

It makes the finest bread spread there is.

You're a male goat, Miloš. I'm your monk.

Don't worry, my child.

My male goat.

I'll provide a fitting end for you.

Welcome to a warm family home.

A real, happy Serbian family.

Life.

Art.

That's it, Miloš. That's the cinema.

That's film!

Get away from me!

In a winter night way up the hill

A creek was frozen and covered by the snow.

Come on.

Start with the little one.

A SERBIAN FILM