Original subtitles

I need to get laid.

Will you please stop?

It's so annoying. No, shut up. Don't you have any, like, hot friends that just,

like, want to have sex?

Not with you. Like, see, this is a big ball. I need big balls now. I need to

have sex. Yeah, okay.

Sure, whatever.

You feel lame, dude?

Like, you're never going to get a boyfriend like this. Shut up. Yes, I

There's plenty of guys who want to have sex all the time, like, whenever,

wherever. No, it gets boring.

No, it doesn't.

Look, you're not a guy.

Let me explain it to you.

After you're fucking the same girl for, like, over a week, it's fucking boring,

okay? No, it's not.

Yeah, it is. No, it's not.

Not when you're like me. None of my friends will fuck with you, dude,

you're a fucking whack job. I'm not a fucking whack job. You're a whack job.

You just don't get laid enough.

Oh, my God.

All right, well, don't fuck with Twazy when he gets here, dude.

Why not? He's like one of your hottest friends.

Yeah, I don't care.

I'm going to act totally normal, and I'm totally going to fuck this guy.

I'm going to make him fall in love with me. He's not going to believe your

bullshit. Yes, he will. He's going to fall in love with me. No, all my friends

know that you're a fucking stupid dude.

I am not.

Whatever.

Why don't you get a job, loser?

Fuck you.

Hey,

hey, where are you going?

Oh, what up, bro? What's going on, boss?

It's open, dude.

What up, man?

Yeah, it is open.

Oh. What's going on? Yeah, dude.

Just whatever, dude. Stay away from my fucking whacked -off step -sit. She's a

fucking nut. Oh, yeah? She's here? Yeah, yeah, she's here.

Did you see the football game last night, dude?

No. What happened?

Did I miss something?

Well, the Broncos won, so that's always good, you know? I thought you were

studying, dude. I thought you had the finals and shit.

Uh, I think I'm just gonna drop out.

Watch out for this dog. You know how crazy he is. Yeah, I don't like dogs.

Really? You're a cat guy?

No. Oh, no. Neither.

Get out of here.

Get out of here. No. Yeah, what do you want?

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

Okay.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. I'm Brooke. I'm his sister.

Michael.

I thought you guys had met. You've never met?

We met like once, I think, but it wasn't very long.

Right. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

So, can you, like, leave us alone? We're hanging out, dude.

No, I know.

She doesn't seem too bad.

I don't think she's ruining the conversation. Thank you.

I told you she's crazy.

Yeah. I don't know. She doesn't seem crazy.

No, she's cool. I love her. She's family.

Everything's great.

Can you excuse us for a minute? Can I just talk to my buddy for a minute,

please?

You can come back in a minute. I'll call you just please.

Sure. Thank you. Thank you, sis.

Love you. Thank you.

Thank you. You're the best.

Dude, what the hell are you doing, bro?

She doesn't seem that bad, you know? She's fucking crazy, dude. She uses her

fucking, her little skimpy fucking whore outfits to try to fuck all my friends,

dude. Don't fall for it. Yeah, I don't know. She doesn't seem...

I mean, she seems kind of kind. Like, she seems nice. No, you don't

She's fucking obsessive, dude. She'll fall in love with you and she'll ruin

fucking life, dude.

Huh? Don't find out the hard way. I'm telling you.

I won't, you know.

Don't fuck with him, okay?

Why? I told you, don't fuck with my friends.

Whatever.

Anyways, he knows you're crazy now. I told him everything.

He's still gonna fuck me, watch. Okay, we'll see. Come on.

You want to put money on it?

I bet. I bet you, like, $100.

Get the fuck in there. Shut up.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah, everything's cool. So, yeah, we talked. Everything's good.

Okay, yeah, so we're into football, right? Okay, yeah.

Yeah, man. Yeah.

Talk to my step -sister about football. She loves football.

You're wearing, like, a really... I don't know. It's wintertime. Isn't it

Mm. It's not that cold.

You're going to turn the heat up in this place too.

Why don't you go turn the heat up, Donnie?

Do you want me to turn the heat up? Yeah.

Her shorts are like four inches long. Why don't you go put on like sweats or

something? Cover up.

Because I look cute.

I don't know why you have to dress like this. Do you think I look cute?

Yeah, she looks cute.

Thanks. I'll be right back.

The heat should go on in a minute now. I got to go.

Where are you going?

I got to go pick up my friend Mike.

Yeah? You know Mike? No, you don't know Mike. No. Well, I got to go pick up my

boy.

And I should be back in maybe 30 minutes, 35 minutes.

All right, brother. Well, you want me to stay here?

Well, I thought you had to go home and do your finals and stuff.

No, no, like, literally, like, when I say I'm dropping down, like, I'm not

gonna... He can sing. He can hang out with me.

I'll just wait here for you.

Okay.

Yeah. All right.

See you later.

Bye. I'll see you late.

Later, man. I'll see you. Okay.

Remember what I told you. It's amazing.

You don't seem that bad.

I mean, my brother thinks I'm fucking crazy or something.

I just... I just get horny sometimes, that's all, honestly.

Yeah. I don't think my brother gets laid enough, to be honest.

No, he doesn't.

No, I actually really do like your shorts, though.

Thanks.

I know, he always tells me I'm dressing like a slut all the time. I'm like, no,

I just want to look cute.

Yeah, no, you do look cute.

You're definitely, like, one of my brother's hottest friends.

So I'm not going to lie.

So, um, I don't know what my brother's really told

you about me.

But I promise, like, we can hook up and, like, I'm not going to get crazy or

anything like that.

Well, I'm down.

Are you a good jitter?

I like to think so.

Let me see what you're working with here.

Damn.

I know, I'm pretty good at mopping.

Big things come in small packages, I like to think.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

I don't want to.

No. You don't have a boyfriend?

No. You want a boyfriend?

Yeah. You do?

I'm going to fuck him like this every fucking day, yeah.

I don't know how Deidre caught me in my trailer with this thing.

Fucking big.

I love taking your fucking cock.

My cock is so fucking sick.

fucking calm.

Yeah, baby.

I need you to come all over me.

Cover me all in your nice warm calm, baby.

Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Get it to me, baby.

Th -th -th -th -

my pussy.

I want you to make it like a fucking glazed donut.

Give me all your warm fucking cum.

Yeah.

Cum all over this fucking pussy, baby.

I want you to cum all over it.

Yeah. Make my pussy look so fucking glazed.

Give it to me, baby.

Give me that fucking cum.

Oh, God, I want that fucking cum all over my pussy.

Give

me

that fucking cum, baby.

Give me that fucking cum, baby.

So,

like, you're my girlfriend now, right?

Yeah.

Can't wait to tell my brother.

Do you want to move in?

Yeah, I'm down.

Okay, well, maybe you should pack up your things.

We better get ready before he comes home.

All right, well, let's go.

What's up, guys? I'm back.

What the fuck?

We're dating now, and I'm going to go move in with him.

Dude, this is crazy.

What are you doing? Bro, I told you. I told you she's fucking nuts.

Bro, she's my girlfriend, bro. Don't talk about her like that.

Okay? Huh?

Yeah. Don't talk about her like that.

I'm moving in. You guys are together now? Yep, I'm moving in with him.

We're probably going to get married soon.

Dude, Swayze, you're my boy, man. What the fuck?

I don't want to.

No, I mean, you're my boy, but she's my girl. And that's more important.

This is going to change everything, man. We're not going to be able to watch

football on Sundays anymore.

No more strip clubs. No more fucking anything, dude. You want to throw your

away?

It's not throwing my life away if it's love.

Okay?

Yeah. True love.

Yeah, Brooke. And I need to clean her up.

That's ridiculous. Thanks, babe.

She made me cum so hard.

You guys are disgusting, dude. And I can't believe you're calling him babe.

What? He's my man. You just fucking met him, Brooke. You're such a fucking slut,

dude. Fuck you guys.

Seriously. You're not my boy anymore, bro. Fuck that shit.