Original subtitles

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(HERO SIGHS)

I didn't want any of this.

-Not the... -(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

-(GROANS) -(WOMAN 1 SCREAMS)

-(DRILL WHIRRING) -(KLAXON BLARES)

-(GROWLING) -HERO: (SHOUTS) Wait!

-Wait, stop! -(SCREAMS)

Fuck! We'll get to all of that.

Just...(PANTS)Just relax...

Okay? Jesus.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I didn't want any of this.

Not the grief, not the illness.

Certainly not the heroic voiceover.

That's not who I am.

But sometimes, you gotta do something...

It all started on the other side of town.

I wasn't even involved.

(RADIO SWEEPING, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

RADIO HOST: Okay, we've got this hysteric

on line two again.

Now, um, you're saying that this beloved corporation

would knowingly poison its own customers

selling unhealthy slop just to, uh... to what?

Just to boost their own profit margins?

FEMALE CALLER: Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

HOST: Where's the proof?

CALLER: I'm not an expert on chemical stuff,

but I'm not an idiot either.

I can see it with my own eyes. I can smell it in the air,

-I can feel it on my skin. -HOST:Ah, okay, sweetheart.

-(LINE DISCONNECTS) -HOST: (CHUCKLES) Oof.

-Must be a full moon. -(RADIO SWEEPING)

(SYNTHWAVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

(EXHALES SHAKILY)

MEL: Are you okay?

Got these fuckers now.

-MEL: Were you followed? -Don't worry.

You taught me how to spot a tail, right?

(DOOR CLOSES)

Where'd you get this?

J.J.: BT headquarters.

Got to the 12th floor,

dug into their internal system.

That's risky.

J.J.: Well, I'm not going to the factory if I can help it.

(MEL SIGHING)

These bastards.

Oh, my God. You did it.

This is exactly what we need to destroy BTH.

(SHUDDERS SOFTLY)

J.J., you've done real good.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) -J.J.: (GASPS) Oh, God.

-(POUNDING ON DOOR) -Let's go.

-(LOUD THUD) -(EXHALES)

(MUTED GROWLS)

(BREATH TREMBLING) Go.

(LOUDLY) Come on! I'm right here!

(GROWLS)

J.J., go!

(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Here we come. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

-Little girl! -(J.J. PANTING)

(MAN 1 HOOTS)

Oh, my God. Okay, okay.

(J.J. SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

Goddamn it!

(MEL GROANS)

(GROWLS)

(MEL BREATHING HEAVILY)

You assholes are too late!

There's nothing you can do to me.

(GUN CLICKING)

(MEL GROANS) Motherfucker.

(GROANING IN PAIN)

You dickless idiots!

(WHEEZING)

Nothing.

(GROANS)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

(GROANING IN PAIN)

Is that all you've got, you fucking pussies?

(SCREAMS) Halloween assholes!

-MAN 2: This fucking guy. -MEL: Is that all you can do?

(GROANS) Fuck each of you.

-(MAN 3 HISSES) -MEL: You've got nothing!

Nothing.

(SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY IN DISTANCE)

MAN 2: (GRUNTING) Fucking door!

(MAN 3 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MAN 1: Nah. She's nobody.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Nothing at all.

(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHICKEN SCATTING)

Oh?

(EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING) Oh, fuck, it hurts! Jesus Christ!

(PAINED SQUAWKING)

(EERIE ROCK MUSIC ENDS)

(OLD ROMANTIC BALLAD MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)

(SIGHS)

Good morning.

We'd lost Shelly a year ago.

Her sweet kid, Wade, and me.

Yeah, the evil stepdad.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I still dream about her most nights.

(SNORES)

These days, it's just me and the kid.

(SNIFFLES, GROANS)

It's, uh... It's going good.

NARRATOR: Depression, fatigue, aches and pains,

and the malaise of everyday life.

(VOICES WHISPERING)

-(ECHOING) Don't worry. -Hmm.

NARRATOR: At BTH, we've got stuff

-for all that stuff and more. -(AD JINGLE PLAYING)

FEMALE NARRATOR: (QUICKLY) Side effects notwithstanding.

NARRATOR ON TV: Our line of proprietary cutting-edge

bio-boosters are the way to health, wellness,

-and plain old feeling good. -(HUMMING)

I'm CEO Robert Garbinger. But please, call me Bob.

Thank you, Bob.

ALL: Thank you, Bob.

Bonnie Dimble here, live from New Chemistry High School

for Varsity Tournament season.

Coach Stanwyck.

What can we expect from the Crimson Beaks this year?

STANWYCK: New Chem is gonna nuke 'em.

(CHUCKLES) Wouldn't wanna be the Kennedy Cougars

this Saturday, huh?

Man, fuck the Cougars!

-Oh. Oh, my God... -PLAYERS:Fuck the Cougars!

Switching gears, we have a special exclusive

for y'all at home now.

It's the brand-new video

from those far-out shocker rockers

appearing this Saturday

at the St. Roma's Fun Town Festival.

Our hometown anti-heroes, The Killer Nutz.

Roll it, Terry.

(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(THE KILLER NUTZ SINGING (WE ARE) CRAZY AND DANGEROUS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hey, buddy.

HERO: These guys, huh?

Got everything, got everything. Okay.

(SIGHS)

Okay, breakfast is served. Get some.

Ah, that's just junk mail. Uh...

Whoa! Dig the shade. What is that?

Black Thunder?

It's so nice.

Looks really rad.

Mmm.

WADE: Um...

Looks great.

Well, I'll just scrape off the black part.

-It's fine. It's okay. -WADE: It's okay.

That part's pretty good.

-(CHURCH BELL TOLLING) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CAT SCREECHING)

-(BELL DINGING) -Oh, hey, Dais.

How are you?

DAISY: Please, don't hurt...

-I don't wanna hurt him. -(CAT WHINES)

And you don't want to accept

our more-than-reasonable offer

for your piece of property here.

But I promise you...

you're gonna.

DAISY: Okay, I'll sign.

REALTOR: Ah. Common sense prevails.

(CAT MEOWING)

I'll be back with the papers...

-tonight. -DAISY: Now give him back.

-(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) -(CAT SCREECHES)

Mr. Treats!

-(BELL DINGS) -CYCLIST: Watch it. Whoa!

(CAR HONKING)

DRIVER: Get out of the fucking road!

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

DRIVER: What the fuck are you doing?

CYCLIST: My bike's fucking ruined!

PASSERBY: That motherfucker saved a cat!

(LAUGHING)

BEGGAR: The wages of sin is $12 an hour.

Are you in the... Are you in the yellow zone?

Seems like a yellow. It's not red, is it?

I'm not ten.

Stop with the zones.

Can you do your tapping?

(STUTTERS) I'm doing

-my tapping right now. -Okay, okay.

What does this look like to you?

You seem flooded.

Why didn't you do anything?

You just stood there while those khaki creeps

pushed Daisy around.

Do what?

Anything.

Oh, Wade.

Sometimes it's...

it's better to do nothing.

You know, you'll see that when you're older.

So you're all set for your big dance piece?

It's not a dance, okay? It's a property movement piece.

Right, property movement piece. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

No, no, no, no. It's a very specific thing.

(BASS-BOOSTED HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, you're gonna crush it. I know that.

Performing's in your blood, man.

Your mom would be so proud.

-(AIR BRAKE HISSING) -(BELL DINGS)

Yeah.

(BUS DOOR CLOSES)

(SOFTLY) Yeah.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM BLARES)

WOMAN OVER PA: The BTH employee cafeteria...

-(SQUAWKING) -...will be closed

until further notice

due to the ongoing clogged toilet issue. Janet.

(FORKLIFT BEEPING)

-(EXPLOSION) -(MAN 4 SCREAMS)

I can't see!

MAN 5: Need some help over here.

-(ALARM BLARING) -(MAN 4 SCREAMS) Oh, God!

Somebody, help!

FIREMAN 1: Hut, hut, hut, hut.

(MAN 4 SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY, SCREAMING)

FIREMAN 2: Hut, hut, hut.

COLLECTOR: Next.

WINSTON: Hey, Chris.

-CHRIS: Hey, Winston. -(DOOR BUZZES)

COLLECTOR: Next.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

RECEPTIONIST OVER PHONE: Mr. Gooze?

-Yeah, that's me. -RECEPTIONIST: Hi, I'm calling

on behalf of Dr. Walla's medical practice.

I'm sorry?

RECEPTIONIST: Well, I'm afraid I'm looking

at your test results.

Test results?

-COLLECTOR: Next! -(DOOR BUZZING)

(FORKLIFT BEEPING)

(LOUD DRILLING)

(DRILLING STOPS)

-How's Wade? -Good, thanks.

DR. WALLA: Keeping up with his counseling and whatnot?

Basically, yeah.

Single parents are heroes.

Single step-parents, double heroes.

WINSTON: Single step-parents,

play the hand you're dealt, yep.

WORKER 1: Uh-huh. Hang on, hang on.

So, uh, he's going out for Share Your Gift?

Yeah. Uh, property movement piece.

DR. WALLA: Good for him.

(SMACKS LIPS) My twins are freshmen already.

-Can you believe that? -Wow. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Elizabeth had her first period.

She's only 13.

-Congratulations. -Goes by in a blink.

-So you wanted to see me? -Right.

So, you came to us with those headaches,

and we ran some tests.

Oh, is that me?

Oh, no, that's a healthy scan so you...

so you have some context.

(SOFTLY) Yeah.

DR. WALLA: This is you.

WINSTON: Huh! Oh, wow.

It's, uh... It's ghastly.

Yeah.

This is a very advanced case of...

(LOUD DRILLING)

(DR. WALLA CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

-DR. WALLA: Frontal. -Yeah.

-DR. WALLA: Pre-frontal. -(LOUD DRILLING CONTINUES)

(DR. WALLA CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

...which, of course, makes surgery impossible.

Ah, fuck me. Hmm.

How long do I have?

Best case, six months, a year.

(HESITATES)

So, a year would be your best case.

(GASPS FAINTLY)

(FORKLIFT BEEPING)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

WORKER 2: Oh, you fucked up real good this time.

There is a drug treatment available for this.

It's, uh, very new and wildly expensive,

but your insurance will probably cover it.

Oh, fuck me. Why didn't you tell me that first?

I should have.

WINSTON: Speak to an agent.

AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE: Got it.

If you are a provider, press one.

WINSTON: No, no. Speak to an agent.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay.

If you are a patient, press two.

WINSTON: Speak to an agent! AUTOMATED VOICE: Got it.

If you are a provider, press one.

-WINSTON: Speak to an age... -(LINE BEEPS)

AGENT: Hi, Mr. Gooze.

(SNIFFLES) Hi.

AGENT: Okay, I see you're on the Platinum Plan

with your BTH employee coverage.

Yes. Hmm.

Uh, that is me.

-Platinum. -AGENT: Yes.

Which excludes benefits

-covered under the Gold Plan. -What?

I... I am Platinum.

AGENT: Yeah, you have Platinum.

But like I said,

only treatments listed on the primary tier are covered.

Secondary tier treatments are covered,

but not if you didn't qualify for the Admiral's Plan

unless you selected a co-tier.

(SOBBING) I don't know what that means.

What does that mean? (SHUDDERS)

-Doesn't... -AGENT: You have Platinum.

(SNIFFLES) Doesn't Platinum cover the Gold?

AGENT: Oh, hon. I'm talking about tiers.

(SNIFFLES, SOBBING) I don't know what tiers are.

(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

GUARD 1 ON RADIO: Perimeter check. O contact.

GUARD 2 ON RADIO: Copy. Bonnet, clear.

GUARD 1: All teams, armor-piercing mags.

GUARD 3: Hell yeah.

BOB: Take dictation, my dear.

A letter to the editor. (CLEARS THROAT)

Dear fuckhead, in spite of your dishonest newspaper's

alarmist predictions, BTH is not on its way out.

My ideas have not run dry,

and my clothes are most certainly not invisible,

whatever the hell that meant.

My haters have always resorted to lies.

I took money from gangsters.

My factory is a super-polluter

because they can't accept...

-(SIGHS) -...all I'm really guilty of

is wanting to help people.

But you can't create

a world-changing health-style empire

without dealing with clowns like you.

Hang on, let me see. Um...

I will innovate again...

Get that out of my sight, you fucking donkey!

BOB: Yeah, I'm... I'm like syphilis, uh, Sisyphus,

pushing his big rocks up the hill,

and those rocks are...

perfection.

-(MACHINE BEEPS) -(SIGHS) That's brilliant.

Bloody brilliant!

-(MACHINE CLICKING) -BOB: Oh, goddamn this thing.

Piece of shit.

It's... No, sorry, Robert, you just press the...

-I did. I read the manual. -(MACHINE WHIRRING)

Oh, I looked at the picture.

-The red button next to mode. -Right, I'm pushing...

-I'm pressing that. -Where it says "Finish."

-(MACHINE CHIMES) -Okay. There it is.

(SIGHS) Well done, Robert.

-Where is Fritz? -(DOOR OPENS)

-FRITZ: Here, Robert. -(KISSY SIGHS)

-(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) -(CROWS CAWING)

-(FRITZ COUGHS) -KISSY: He's coming, Robert.

He just takes that little bit longer.

Thank you, Kissy.

Okay. Uh, not that I'm complaining necessarily.

I mean, maybe I am a little,

but it didn't exactly...

look like an accident, did it?

I mean, a harpoon? (LAUGHS)

They had to improvise.

Like jazz. Fair enough.

(SLURPING)

And the traitor?

FRITZ: No.

(BOB EXHALES)

Well, maybe, Mr. Head of Security,

hiring the rock group you manage to handle wet works

was not the best operational decision.

-They're not rock. -What?

-Monster core. -What? What?

Crazy and dangerous.

-He's just mumbling. -Ugh.

That's all he can do. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(BOB SIGHS)

And this viper, this betrayer,

what does she do, huh?

She sticks a knife

-into all of Body Talk's back. -KISSY: Right.

Body Talk's backs. Backs.

-Our collective back. -BOB: What?

-KISSY: Back. -BOB: Our collective back.

Just when I'm up to my chin in fucking IOUs

from that bald mobster downtown...

I mean, do you realize what's at stake here?

(SHOUTING) Everything!

I understand.

Ruthless execution.

Do I make myself clear?

As a window.

Then why am I still looking at your fucked up puss?

(SOFTLY) Uh...

Right.

-BUDD: ♪ Yo, like Mister -(FRITZ COUGHS)

♪ Belvedere ♪

♪ We're standing Over our walls ♪

♪ Got misses with toes To fucking deck the halls ♪

♪ We send you over a ditch Like Niagara Falls ♪

♪ Doing cannibal stuff In dirty toilet stalls ♪

♪ Girls are my traps ♪

♪ I'm their property ♪

♪ Oh, I set fires ♪

♪ Always out for me Why, 'cause I'm rich ?

♪ Rush into a tree Bitch nuts... ♪

BUDD: Hey.

-Hey! -(BAND STOPS PLAYING)

(EQUIPMENT CLATTERING)

(INHALING)

(EXHALING) Koo-koo-koo.

(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

BUDD: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Come on!

(BUDD HOWLING)

-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -ZODIAC 3000: Almost.

BUDD: (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Where is she?

MAN 6: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck?

BUDD: (SCREAMING) Where the fuck is she?

-Fuck! Fuck! -(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Fuck!

Fuck!

Yo, let's try the next place.

Hit it, we're gonna find that bitch.

ZODIAC 3000: Yes! Nailed it!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN 6: There you are.

Hey, do you know the fucking Killer Nutz?

'Cause they were just here,

and they beat the shit out of me looking for you.

Now, when I let you stay here off the lease,

I said, "No weird vigilante stuff."

And I feel like I really emphasized that part.

J.J.: They won't be back.

MAN 6: Hey.

Hey!

-J.J.? -Neither will I.

And what the fuck did you do to my floor, man?

(MY NECK, MY BACK (LICK IT) BY KHIA PLAYING)

♪ All you ladies pop yo' pussy like this ♪

♪ Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss ♪

♪ All you ladies pop yo' pussy like this ♪

♪ Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss ♪

♪ Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now ♪

♪ Lick it good ♪

♪ Suck this pussy just like you should ♪

♪ My neck, my back ♪

♪ Lick my pussy and my crack ♪

♪ My neck, my back

(SPECTATORS CLAPPING AND CHEERING)

-Damn. -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

-(DANCERS EXCLAIMING) -DANCER 1: Fuck, yeah!

-DANCER 2: Yo, babe. Yeah. -(SONG FADES)

-That was awesome. -(HYPERVENTILATING)

ANNOUNCER OVER MIC: Next up...

(GASPS SOFTLY)

That's you.

(EXHALES)

HECKLER 1: (LOUDLY) You suck!

(INHALES)

-HECKLER 2: Duck! -(HESITATES)

(PEN CLICKS LOUDLY)

(HERE COME THE TEARS BY JUDAS PRIEST PLAYING)

(CHIMING)

♪ All alone

(SIGHS)

♪ No one cares ♪

♪ Ohh, I want to be loved

(TRUMPET TOOTS)

♪ I need to be loved ♪

♪ Won't somebody love me ♪

-(DOOR OPENS) -Hey, hey! Uh, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Daisy, hey.

Hey, bud.

-You okay? -(DOOR CLOSES)

Saw my man coming home,

thought he looked kind of low so...

Thanks, Daisy.

Hey, sorry I couldn't help earlier.

You got Mr. Treats.

(SCOFFS)

(SONG FADES)

(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

So, how did it go?

You know, you probably don't remember this

'cause she stopped playing shows

when you were real little, but your mom

was an absolute killer on stage.

Oh, man, bloodbath every time.

Thing is, she couldn't even play that good.

It was like...

(MIMICKING GUITAR STRUMMING)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) But... (EXHALES)

It was just the attitude.

You know, her presentation.

(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

(CHUCKLES AND GROWLS)

One second, Wade, you're gonna love this!

Jackpot!

-(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING) -WINSTON: Oh, yeah!

-Come on, Wade. Come here! -(FURNITURE CLATTERING)

Wade! Oh, my God!

There are so many people waiting for you!

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMS)

WADE: Winston, no.

-(OBJECTS CLANGING) -WINSTON: Whoa. Whoa, again.

WADE: Put the chair down, please.

Oh, you don't think I know about dance?

Property movement pieces.

Here, learn this shit.

(GRUNTING)

(WINSTON GROANS)

Oh, my back.

Okay, but you get the point.

Like, go throw roses,

and it's like thunderous applause, and...

It's gonna be fantastic.

(GRUNTS)

What's that?

(SONG STOPS)

I can show you the backspin too.

But, uh, maybe later.

You're such a good kid.

You're gonna be okay.

(HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING BY SAVATAGE PLAYING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIREN WAILING)

WOMAN 2: Hey. I'll dance with you, baby.

WOMAN 3: Nice tutu.

♪ For eternity ♪

♪ It is guarded by the king ♪

♪ Madness reigns

(SONG ENDS)

Well, there's always some flux at our level.

Right, we're all about the flux.

BT is this township's heart's blood.

And you are BT, but... (CHUCKLING) ...we're concerned.

I think when we announce our next innovation,

you will see our intertwined fortunes

very much in ascension.

Could you give us a preview?

Well, of course, uh, it's too soon

to go into any of the particulars, really,

-but I think... (STUTTERS) -Mayor Togar,

I don't know if you're familiar with the term "game changer"?

No, I'm not.

-But holy shit. -(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

KISSY: Yes, this new product is going to

actually change, well, the game.

Okay. Look, I don't appreciate being buttonholed like this.

(SNICKERS)

Worried about being seen with disreputable underworld types?

So, what do you want?

For you to be reminded...

who bought your seat

at the big boy table over there.

Who bankrolled you and your fuckheaded company.

Thad.

You know I'm grateful.

Don't tell me that shit. Show me.

All right, you know, there's always some flux...

(SHOUTING) Fuck flux! Think of something! You owe!

(IN NORMAL VOICE) People ain't buying your snake oil anymore?

Too many tumors and bloody stools?

I don't give a shit, bozo.

'Cause you owe.

And it'll be nothing for me

to fuck you and everyone you love

in the most sandy

-and unnatural ways. -Whoa. Now...

Nobody calls me bozo anymore.

You're reminded.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Business builder.

-Man of impeccable style. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

The Citizen Shepherd Award.

(ALL CHEERING)

AUDIENCE AND GARBINGER: (CHANTING) Bob! Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

The whole idea of an award, it's...

it's just not why we do what we do, right?

But as a focal tool, it is useful.

-Excuse me? -Fear for my life.

Cool. It's cool, it's cool.

You gotta chill with that firearm shit.

KISSY: It's not that kind of evening. (CHUCKLES)

Yes, sir.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

I'm really sorry to interrupt you

on your special night

-with all your pretty friends. -KISSY: Wait, what?

Um, but my name is Winston Gooze,

and I have been working for you for 13 years,

and I think I do a pretty good job.

My reviews are exceeds, meets, and meets exceeds.

You know, so... (HESITATES)

The point is, I'm sick, sir.

And BT insurance won't help.

Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that.

I mean, our plans are pretty robust,

but what can I do for you?

I don't know. I thought you'd maybe just talk to your people

and, on my behalf and I wouldn't ask but...

(INHALES SHAKILY)

I've got a kid.

And he already lost his mom.

Can I just ask you a little question?

What is it you... you do for us?

Hygiene services.

Mop shop, what what.

-(SCOFFS) Mop shop. -(MOCKINGLY) What what.

-WINSTON: Yeah. -I think I got

-a responsibility, don't I? -KISSY: Right. Yeah.

BOB: Don't worry.

We're gonna sort this out, my man.

(STUTTERS)

I don't know what to say.

My assistant, Miss Sturnevan,

she'll just get some details from you, okay?

-Associate. -Whoa.

KISSY: Shall we?

This way, and I'll just... We'll chat some things?

-Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. -(KISSY CHUCKLES)

Thank you. You rule.

Yeah, I guess I kind of do.

-Oh, this way, Mr. Gooze. -Oh, okay.

I'll be back shortly with your vouchers.

-And the Bellini. -Oh, you betcha.

Oh, shit. Shit.

Miss Sturnevan. Hello?

-BOB: Ah, there you are. -(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

BOB: Is he gone? The world's saddest janitor.

KISSY: I mean, the brass neck on that one. (CHUCKLES)

BOB: Listen, fire him, rehire him,

and fire him again.

Jesus Christ. (LAUGHING) Mop shop.

(KISSY AND BOB LAUGHING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-WINSTON: Open. -(BELL RINGING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(PLAYING PAN FLUTE)

(CELL PHONE BEEPING)

-(CELL PHONE CHIMES) -Summon the Nutz.

AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE: Okay. Summoning the Nutz.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LIQUID BUBBLING)

(TOXIC HISSING)

J.J.: Get the sample. Get the fuck out.

Get the sample. Get the fuck out.

Okay, okay, okay.

Come on.

Okay, come on, now.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

WINSTON: Trash run.

(DOOR UNLOCKS)

What's with the rubber mask?

This is a fucking robbery!

Sorry, man.

I don't want to fucking hear it.

I thought you were one of the good guys.

Robbing me with a fucking mop!

Shame on you, Winston.

Shame on you.

I'll send someone to untie you, Chris!

It's not your fault.

(J.J. SIGHS) Okay.

Easy, easy.

-(ENGINE ROARS, TIRES SCREECH) -(GASPS)

-(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) -(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GASPS)

Oh, my fucking God.

(CAR BEEPING, APPROACHING)

(INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)

-(ENGINE ACCELERATING) -(TIRES SCREECH)

-(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Come on.

(BUDD HOWLING)

My man, hold up.

-Just want to talk. -(BREATH TREMBLING)

(BROOM CLATTERS)

(BUDD CHUCKLES, HOWLS)

WINSTON: Hey, I know you guys. What are you doing here?

That's crazy. Big fan...

-(GUNSHOT) -(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Who is that?

Yeah.

What the fuck, you guys?

This! This is the one we're after.

Hey, you said... Eh, you said ruthless execution.

Just... All right, fuck.

Just clean it up, you fucking ding-a-lings.

(GROWLS)

-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) -(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(ROARS)

(MYSTERIOUS EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(HOWLING IN DISTANCE)

(SCREAMING)

(OVERLAPPING VOICES)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Stop!

It hurts!

(SQUELCHING)

(MYSTERIOUS EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)

Help me!

(DISTORTED) Help me!

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(WINSTON GROANING)

(SPITS AND GRUNTS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(BIRD CHITTERING)

(GASPS)

(SCREECHING)

(SCREAMING)

-(CONTINUES SCREECHING) -(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(SCREAM ECHOING)

(SCREAM FADES)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCE: Hey, how's Mr. Feets?

DAISY: Mr. Treats is fine.

SPENCE: All this traffic, you gotta be careful.

A lot of cats getting hit out here.

DAISY: (CHUCKLES SNIDELY) You're very subtle.

SPENCE: Oh, yeah?

-DAISY: As a hammer. -SPENCE: Why, thank you.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(FLESH SQUELCHING)

Hey, I've enjoyed working with you

on this transaction.

DAISY: Asshole.

Excuse me?

(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)

WADE: Hey, Winston.

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)

(STUTTERING) I keep calling and you won't pick up.

So, um, you know, if you could... (SIGHS)

please just pick up and... or call. Um...

Oh, I'm just getting really, really worried.

(EXHALING) Okay, bye.

(SIGHS)

(UPBEAT SONG CONTINUES)

Hey, buddy.

-Whoa! -(GROANS)

-(THUDS) -(CAR ALARM BLARING)

The fuck?

(GROANING, GASPING)

What the fuck did you do to my sled?

WINSTON: Jeez!

(ALARM STOPS)

Oh, shit, man.

I apologize.

-(GROANS) -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

BYSTANDER 1: Hey, shut up down there!

-(GROANS) -BYSTANDER 2: Someone call 911.

The fuck?

BYSTANDER 3: Did that guy just shoot someone?

I just said I was sorry.

(YELLING)

-(GRUNTS) -(SCREAMING IN PAIN)

SPENCE: Oh, is that my arm?

-BYSTANDER 4: It's a demon. -BYSTANDER 5: It's a fiend.

BYSTANDER 6: Those are the same things!

(ALL CLAMORING)

BYSTANDER 4: We gotta kill that vampire.

Call my dad.

Call my dad.

-(SIREN WAILING) -WOMAN 3: It ate a baby!

WOMAN 4: It had a tail.

Yep. Sounds like angel dust.

-(CAR HONKS) -MAN 7: Y'all doing a mob?

MAN 8: (WHOOPS) We're doing a mob.

PEOPLE: (CHANTING) Mob, mob, mob!

Okay, fuck it. It's a mob.

PEOPLE: (CHANTING) Mob, mob. mob!

MOBBER 1: Yee-haw!

-(GUN FIRES AND RICOCHETS) -(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

MOBBER 2: That's how perverts run!

Hunched over and bow-legged!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING AND PANTING)

MOBBER 3: Let's fuck him up!

MOBBER 4: You all go that way!

-Cut him off! -(GASPS)

MOBBER 4: He's in that meadow!

We're coming for you!

MOBBER 3: I think I saw something in them trees.

(PANTING)

-Oh, God. -(KLAXON BLARES)

MOBBER 5: You better run and hide.

-MOBBER 1: Keep searching. -(EXHALES)

(AIRPLANE ENGINE ROARS)

MOBBER 2: What's that over there?

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING CONTINUES)

(PANTING)

(GROANS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANING)

There he is.

Thought you'd want a breakfast.

I found you in Yonder Spooky Woods.

My God.

What's the issue, fella?

I, uh...

I'm...

I'm dying.

Doctor says I've got maybe a year.

Dying. (LAUGHS)

Dying, he says.

Well, why didn't you say something before?

Make way for the big parade.

We got ticker tape and there's confetti.

Oh, and look, here comes the big brass marching band.

(MIMICKING MARCHING BAND)

And great big, sexy, long-legged women,

high-kicking ladies.

And then there's a little train.

There's a miniature train, and you can ride it in circles

and eat cotton candy

until your fucking heart bursts with joy

because, hey, folks... (SHOUTS) ...he is dying!

Yeah?

Yeah, well, big whoop!

"A year."

Great. Big ol' can-suck-it's-own-dick whoop!

(GROANS AND SMACKS LIPS)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Guthrie Stockins.

Uh, Winston.

What I meant to say is we're all... dying.

You know, this place used to be a preserve.

And now, the Nervous Red Warbler

is basically extinct.

So you see,

you dying,

it just ain't nothing special.

Well, that doesn't make me feel any better.

Well, it's never too late.

Yeah, well, look at me.

I used to be a fancy doctor.

Yeah. Big salary, house. You know, important, right?

Next thing I know,

Mr. Policeman's holding me down,

saying that I, uh, bit somebody in a budget meeting.

But look how things turned out.

See?

You never know which way the worm is gonna turn.

So the question is,

what you gonna do in the meantime?

What do you want?

I want my boy.

But he thinks I'm a monster.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

You're not a monster.

Show him your good heart.

(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)

Is that yours?

Found this washed up in Yonder Funky Lagoon.

This is a formidable item.

Do you know how to use it?

Like, for mopping?

(MUFFLED WHOOSHING)

-(MUSIC STOPS) -(GRUNTS)

-Mmm... -Wait a minute. (GROANING)

That's it. There we go.

(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)

GUTHRIE: Just remember.

Those given much will of them have much demanded.

-Yeah, got it. Got it. -Generally speaking...

Um, with great power and whatnot.

WINSTON: Oh, got it, got it.

GUTHRIE: Good luck, Winston.

He's an ugly son of a bitch though.

-WINSTON: Yeah! -(MUSIC STOPS)

MAN ON TV: Uh, saw blood.

Handsome fella had his arm tore off like wet bread,

and the creature run off into the night.

An atmosphere of creeping terror

hangs over the city, and there are still no leads

as to the identity of the rampaging maniac.

CJ DOONS: Uh, alleged maniac.

Anyone who may have encountered the strange beast

should call this number.

Can we put that up please, Terry?

RICK: What are we dealing with here?

MS-13? Bio-warfare?

The oft-predicted uprising

of our woodland Sasquatch cousins?

-(PHONE BEEPING) -At this point,

it's impossible to say.

-(LINE RINGING) -CJ DOONS: Whatever it is...

MAN OVER PHONE: Hello. Pervert tip line.

-Please hold. -(HOLD MUSIC PLAYING)

CJ DOONS ON TV: Jumping in with some breaking news.

We have confirmed reports

that a group of armed political extremists

calling themselves The Nasty Lads...

Good Lord, y'all. They've taken hostages

at a Miss Meat lunch-a-torium downtown.

-Formerly Mister Meat. -(SIREN WAILING)

Let's go live.

(SIREN BLARES)

OFFICER 1 ON RADIO: Suspects inside.

We have injured unknown number of targets.

OFFICER 2 ON RADIO: Yeah, we're set up out front.

We're still waiting on SWAT.

OFFICER 1: These guys are real psychos.

God help us.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

We are The Nasty Lads.

We are angry.

You will hear our grievances.

Youse guys don't move a fucking muscle.

Take us seriously.

(GIRL SCREAMS)

HOSTAGE 1: There's a boy in here.

HOSTAGE 2: He's wearing a helmet.

HOSTAGE 3: My mom made me wear it.

-(BYSTANDERS MURMURING) -(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)

Our once great Western society

has been enfeebled by estrogenic thinking

and moral turpitude.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

NASTY LADS LEADER: No longer!

Today, we give notice.

Today, we rise.

Yeah, fellas, I understand you're angry,

but what's your issue with this establishment?

The change of mascot

symbolizes the intellectual dishonesty we abhor.

It's always been Mister Meat.

(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)

Yeah, sure, but it's still the same great grub, right?

-(GUN FIRING) -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I need SWAT right now!

HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER: My boy's in there.

OFFICER: Ma'am, please, stay back.

HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER: My son's in there.

Somebody... Somebody do something!

NASTY LADS LEADER: Grievance one.

Progressive fascism.

Grievance two. Anti-Anglo media tyranny.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Three. The Global Emasculatory Agenda!

Four. Groupthink privacy.

Five. Western Alpha Scapegoating.

(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK ON TV)

Six. Science.

Seven...

NASTY LAD: Are you triggered?

I can't see what you're doing.

Are you triggered?

-NASTY LADS LEADER: Eight... -LADY: Shitheads, I'm blind.

"Shitheads"?

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

OFFICER ON RADIO: What's happening?

Talk to me, what's happening?

"Shitheads"?

Maybe I'll just show you who's a shitheads.

What do you think, boys?

I never cornholed...

(GROANS)

HOSTAGE 1: Don't antagonize him!

-(GUN COCKING) -You fucked up this time.

-(DOOR THUDDING) -(HOSTAGES EXCLAIM)

(GROWLING)

Who the fuck are you?

-(TOXIE LAUGHS) -(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)

TOXIE: Nobody special.

Just some dude... (LOUDLY) ...with a mop!

-(MOP CLANGS) -(HOSTAGES SCREAM)

-(SCREAMS) -Yeah.

TOXIE: Come here, you! And your stupid

-fucking antlers! -HOSTAGE 4: Oh, my God.

-TOXIE: You too, dummy. -(NASTY LAD 1 SCREAMS)

-HOSTAGE 5: Oh, God. -(GUN FIRING)

-TOXIE: Give me your lunch. -(ALL SCREAMING)

(NASTY LAD 2 GROANS)

(BYSTANDERS EXCLAIMING)

(GUN FIRING)

-(PEOPLE SCREAMING) -Show me your hands!

Dingus! Damn it! What the hell are you doing?

HOSTAGE 6: Oh, my God, is that man dead?

HOSTAGE 7: Yeah, that's his head.

HOSTAGE 6: Oh, God!

HOSTAGE 8: What happened to that guy? (LAUGHS SOFTLY)

He looks like a fucked-up hot dog.

Oh, God, he's putting it back in.

-Oh, fuck, he's putting it in. -(WOMEN SCREAMING)

CJ DOONS ON TV: Standby. Um, okay.

We're seeing movement here.

People are coming outside.

It's not clear what's happening just yet.

Hey, get over there and give him a hand.

Officer, get over there and help these people.

-(HSOTAGE 3'S MOTHER GASPS) -BYSTANDERS: Aw!

BYSTANDER 5: What the hell is that?

-Whoa! -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

No! No!

This little dude saved us.

He's a hero.

He's a hero.

(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-(EXCLAIMS) -What's your name, sir?

I'd rather not say.

REPORTER: Are you affiliated with BTH?

No, no comment.

REPORTER: How does it feel to be considered a hero?

Sometimes...

you know, some...

Sometimes you gotta do something.

(APPLAUSE ON TV)

Winston?

(ALL EXCLAIMING AND CHEERING)

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Yeah!

Yes!

(ON TV) You gotta do something.

CJ DOONS: If you're just joining us...

I'm sorry. I'm just choked up here.

Um, it appears that the hostages

-are all safe. -(STRAINING) That's him.

-CJ DOONS: Or mostly safe... -Him?

-...but they're okay. -THAD: That's him?

(LINE RINGING)

Oh, we got the crazy bastard.

He's headed south on Torgl.

(OVER PHONE) Fan out.

I want him dead or alive.

(GUN COCKING)

Actually, wait. You still there?

HENCHMAN: Yeah, dude, yeah. Still here.

-Just dead. -HENCHMAN: Just dead?

Yeah.

(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)

(HISSING)

(MUSIC FADES)

BOB: When I ask you to handle things,

my beloved baby brother,

basis of my assumption is that you will not then decide...

(SHOUTS) ...to fuck the entire goat!

See what you did?

I did what you asked.

How dare you sass him, little runt?

-And you! -Me?

You had one of the anarchists right in your hand,

-and you lost him. -No, no.

I did not let him go.

I took him for a little Bellini.

We had a stroll...

The betrayer and the janitor are obviously in cahoots,

making mayhem against us, and if that weren't enough,

now some mighty freak

puts us right in the spotlight.

(SOFTLY) So mighty.

KISSY: Uh, you always say,

"Any attention is good attention"?

You missed the point.

The janitor and the freak are one and the same.

-(SOFTLY) Fuck! -BOB: And somehow,

because of what you did,

we made it so.

(WHISPERS) An evolution.

(FRITZ EXCLAIMS)

BOB: I want all of my geeks working on this.

But first, how...

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -(BEEPING)

(POWERING DOWN)

(SIGHS) ...did this happen?

-(BEEPING) -BOB: Whoop.

SAWSER: Our factory waste materials

are normally quite toxic,

but in combination with an extremely rare genetic marker,

it could trigger a powerful mutation.

(DIGITAL BEEPING)

Which result in muscle accretion,

hyper-cellular augmentation and, uh...

-Um... -(STUTTERS) Spit it out.

Girthening.

KUPP: Yes.

Notable girthening.

BOB: You're gonna save my ass, aren't you, janitor?

Time is short.

Can you recreate the mutation?

We need the freak, but there's a risk

-of dangerous infection... -Get it started.

Find him, bring him here.

Uh...

He has a child.

CJ DOONS ON TV: But where does he come from?

And what does he want?

And what is the BTH connection?

Excuse me, the Toxic Avenger?

That's what the kids are calling him.

I think it's swell.

RICK: Is "him" the preferred pronoun?

-CJ DOONS: Real classy, Rick. -(TV SWITCHES OFF)

-(KNOCKING AT DOOR) -(GASPS)

(POUNDING AT DOOR)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh, help you?

I'll tell you what went down.

So that's what went down.

So are you like a... a detective or a spy?

No, I'm just angry.

I'm trying to expose these jackals.

Your dad's the key.

WADE: Stepdad.

I grew up by the river.

You could see BT factory from my yard.

I never bought into the whole bio booster bullshit.

But my mom was a disciple.

Bob Garbinger was the Second Coming,

far as she cared.

She bought everything they put out.

Then came the stomach aches.

And by the time she could get the surgery,

shit they took out of her was the size of a baseball.

She was gone in a year.

Whole time thinking her cranial stims

and positive frequency lamps would save her.

And that's the shit, now we know,

that killed her in the first place.

My sister died too.

-Cancer? -Zamboni.

Hell of a skater. No awareness.

It was a rough year.

Yeah. I lost my mom like that too.

-Zamboni? -Cancer.

Sorry about that, man.

A lot of that going around.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

You got him mixed up in some bad stuff.

He was already there, running off with some money.

(LOW GROWLING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

-(GRUNTS) -(BUDD LAUGHS)

Where are you?

-Where are you? -(GRUNTS)

-(GLASS BREAKING) -(ZODIAC 3000 GROANING)

BUDD: Stop flipping.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(WHOOSHING)

(CACKLES)

They're running.

-(CHUCKLES) -Parkour?

No.

No parkour.

-(BEEPING) -We'll track him.

(BOTH PANTING)

-WINSTON: Wait! -Whoa.

What are you doing with her?

Never mind about her. What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Um...

-Does it hurt? -Uh...

No, it's not bad. It's sort of like a sunburn.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

I didn't ask for all the doctors and... and therapy and shit.

I didn't ask for you to go out stealing to pay for it.

The money was for me.

(TRAFFIC PASSING)

WINSTON: I'm sick. It's my head.

There's medicine for it.

And I was trying to pay for it and then, um...

-And then, well... -Are you...

Are you... are you gonna die?

(WINSTON SIGHING DEEPLY)

And you didn't tell me?

Just like Mom. And I'm not gonna have anyone.

-No, no, wait. I'm your dad. -No, you're not.

We need to get inside.

You never even got married!

I promise you,

I am not going...

-(GUNSHOT) -(GASPS)

Go!

WADE: Winston!

(GUN COCKING)

-(SHELL CASES CLINKING) -(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-(GRUNTS) -(FLESH SQUELCHING)

-(ALL GASPING) -What the fuck?

-(WINSTON PANTS) -MAN: He's getting away!

KEG-STAND: Go around. Cut him off!

-Go! Go! Go! -That way! That way!

WADE: We have to go back.

We have to help him.

J.J.: No. Too dangerous.

(FAINT BEEPING)

My... My ears are ringing.

(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)

-(BEEPS RAPIDLY) -Oh.

I'm sorry.

(GUNSHOT)

-(GASPS) -Jump scare.

(GROWLS)

There you are. (CHUCKLES)

-(GUN COCKING) -There he is.

There he is. Go, go, go, go, go, go!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GROANING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CAWING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GROANS)

(BIRDS CAWING)

TOXIE: (MIMICKING HENCHMAN) Hey, come here.

Come here a sec.

(SHUSHES)

(MOUTHING) What the fuck?

(SOFTLY) What happened to youse?

Just... just come here.

KEG-STAND: What?

(MUMBLING) I got something to tell you.

What is it?

It's... it's important.

(SIGHS)

Goddamn it!

Gotcha, sucker.

-(SCREAMS) -No, no, no!

Blake was gutted.

No, not bummed. I mean, he was disemboweled.

I sent in Boofer and Keg-Stand,

but I lost contact, and...

-(TOXIE GROWLING) -(GROANING)

-(SQUELCHING) -TOXIE: Stay gold, asshole.

(TIRES SCREECH)

Oh, God.

Hey. Hey. Where's Wade?

-(BREATHING HEAVILY) -Hey!

Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay.

Hold on. I know a doctor.

Don't worry.

(WHIRRING)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

-(MUSIC STOPS) -(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Are you sure you're a doctor?

Whoever told you I was a doctor?

You did.

Well, then, in my medical opinion,

she's already dead.

God. Okay, okay.

Young... young lady?

(GROANS)

-Hmm. -(CLATTERS)

-(EXHALES) -(WHIRRING)

(GROANS)

Jesus.

(STRAINING)

(GROANING SOFTLY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(FLESH SQUELCHING)

(BUDD GRUNTS)

You've got someplace to be?

Sound check, baby.

You'll make the festival.

Gotta sound tight for the community.

Hashtag blessed. A koo-koo-koo!

FRITZ: Just play the fucking hits.

(BUDD GRUNTS) Whatever.

FRITZ: Hey, kid.

Don't be scared.

We just want him.

You're the one who should be scared.

(GROWLS)

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

(IN ENGLISH) You see what he's up against?

Winston...

My dad loves me more than anything.

What would your family do

if someone tried to take you away?

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

(SCOFFS)

Sorry. Yes, sir.

Right away.

Hello, Thad.

Don't you "Thad" me, you cunty jerk.

That BTH Frankenstein just tomahawked half my gang!

So convince me not to come over there right now

and put a rattlesnake up your ass.

Oh, please don't do that.

You know there are undercover feds in town

looking to make hay out of exactly

this sort of shit show?

-Thad... -THAD: AKA,

you are suicidally fucking with my money!

-Of course, but you... -THAD: You're talking now

which means your whole operation gets pried open!

And anyone connected is a...

-It's handled. -THAD: You're sure?

You have my word.

I hope so, bozo.

Why don't we just take it off and start again?

(DOCTOR GROANS)

Put him in the shed.

(FRITZ CLEARS THROAT)

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(CHUCKLES)

(GROANING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

WADE: Let go of me! Let me go!

You can't do this!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

This is a mistake.

The boy.

You're familiar with Pandora's box?

The exotic revue?

-No -BOB: Oh.

-A can of worms, I mean. -BOB: Hmm.

The only can I'm interested in right now...

is can I know that you're on my side?

Where else would I be, Robert?

BOB: Hmm.

(CHICKEN SCREECHING)

Hey, little fella.

(CHICKEN SQUAWKS)

J.J.: There's a gentleman down there huffing jenkem.

Says you saved my life.

Thank you.

They took Wade to get to me.

Yeah.

WINSTON: And they did all this, huh?

J.J.: The night we met, I was trying to get hard proof.

Me and my mentor.

His name is Melvin Ferd.

He was a good reporter.

Very brave.

And they killed him with harpoons and shit.

And if you ruin them, it'll make things okay.

No, we've already killed the planet.

Ruining BTH isn't gonna change that.

You don't... (GROANS)

You don't know that. Things could change.

It's never too late.

Why fight if you can't win?

They're dangerous.

We'd have to go in hard.

I am very hard.

(AIR HISSES)

(BUDD LAUGHING)

♪ Conception

♪ Sound of drowning perfection ♪

♪ We stir the batter With a nutty confection ♪

♪ And in nine months ♪

♪ In the family direction Smokey stokey, make a speech ♪

♪ With a joyous inflection ♪

♪ The nursery is painted The kiddy works and stacks ♪

♪ To claim one dependent ♪

♪ You best support The fucking tax ♪

♪ And when I look in the crib ♪

♪ She doesn't smile She just shies back ♪

♪ My baby is an axe ♪

(LAUGHING)

♪ My baby is an axe

♪ She's a good girl That's my girl ♪

♪ I see you making jokes That's my girl ♪

♪ I see spllin' red... ♪

You suck!

Boo!

(BUDD SNICKERS)

♪ My baby is an axe She attacks ♪

♪ A fucking nun supreme With fucking pervy laughs ♪

♪ Make no mistake Mothers and girls ♪

♪ My baby is an axe ♪

-BUDD: Yeah, baby! -(CROWD CHEERING)

Are you cunt-lickin', cock-suckin' motherfuckers?

-FAN 1: Yes, we are! -GIRL: No.

-FAN 2: That's right! -BUDD: All right.

I know you know the words to this next one.

So I want you loud up in this bitch!

(OVERKILLBY MOTÖRHEAD PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

This shit don't work.

This shit don't work.

Who the fuck is ruining our show?

♪ Only way to feel the noise is when it's good and loud ♪

No!

♪ So good I can't believe it, screaming with the crowd ♪

♪ Don't sweat it, we'll get it back to you ♪

-Toxie! It's him! -FAN 3: Yo, I know this dude!

Hey, Toxie! He saved my life! Hey!

♪ Don't sweat it, we'll get it back to you ♪

-Don't cheer! -(CROWD CHEERING)

It's my fuckin' stage!

-(FAN 2 WHOOPING) -No!

♪ Overkill, overkill, overkill ♪

-BUDD: Yeah? Okay. -(TOXIE VOCALIZING)

Look out!

-(GUNSHOT) -(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

BUDD: What do you got? A mop?

(BUDD GROANING)

(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

(GAGS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, here it comes, baby.

Yes. I am gonna flip it...

Oh, shit. Wait. No, no, no! (SCREAMS)

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREAMS)

(EXCLAIMING)

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) -(GROANING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANING)

Eat your fuckin' beard!

(GROANING)

(GAGGING)

(TOXIE GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

Fuck you!

(BUDD MUMBLING) Oh, my wife...

my best partner.

GIRL: Why'd Toxie do that?

FAN 1: What the fuck, Toxie?

FAN 2: I told you he was a monster!

FAN 3: Who's gonna clean up all this shit?

Listen up!

These dudes suck!

They kill people for BTH!

It's Robert Garbinger.

He's in bed with gangsters.

They all got rich and you all got sick.

(GROANING)

Weird bitch.

They are ruiners!

J.J.: Over here!

-(PANTING) -(MIC DROPS)

-(HIM UNDER THE HOOD GRUNTS) -Where's my son?

-(GASPING) -Where is my son?

Ow!

(J.J. COUGHS AND GAGS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Chüdhaven.

(GAGS)

(COUGHING)

Chüdhaven?

-Do you know where that is? -(GAGS) Mmm.

-Mmm-hmm. -HIM UNDER THE HOOD: Yeah.

Chüdhaven.

-Too much. Too much. -TOXIE: Uh...

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

J.J.: This way.

Are you ready?

(WARBLING)

GUARD 1 ON RADIO: Post one, any contact?

GUARD 2: Negative.

GUARD 1: Copy. Stay frosty.

(EYEBALL CLICKS)

WINSTON: Two guards.

-(WHISPERS) Can we sneak in? -I don't think so.

It's wide open.

Follow my lead.

I have a plan.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, boys.

-(BOTH GASP AND GRUNT) -(GUNSHOTS)

(GASPS)

(WINSTON LAUGHING)

Oh. That plan was insane.

No.

(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)

-WADE: Winston! -(WINSTON GASPS)

-Wade? -Look out!

(AIR HISSING)

(WINSTON AND J.J. COUGHING)

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHAINS RATTLING)

(GRUNTING)

(DOOR UNLOCKING)

Hey, gang.

Room service. Just getting everybody comfy.

Triple titanium chains there, buddy.

You ain't going anywhere.

You know,

I think you've learned a pretty severe lesson

about not stealing from your employer.

But the fun thing is, is that

even though you tried to rob me...

(LAUGHING) ...all of this is gonna make me

a fucking barn load of money.

-Look at those guns. -(WINSTON GRUNTING)

Get away from him, you pig.

"Pig"? Okay, you know what?

I'm not even talking to you right now.

I'm so irritated with your...

(MOCKINGLY) "Oh, dear. Businessman. Bad."

So just...

Annoying.

(SIGHS)

Wow.

Tell me, Mr. Gooze,

um, did it hurt?

You're becoming...

(SCREAMS)

Okay. Well, never mind.

I'll find out for myself. (CLEARS THROAT)

I'm gonna have the side effects boys

iron it out before we launch.

-Garbinger. -Yes?

You're gonna find out what hurts.

(SCOFFS) No.

-I'm gonna make sure it hurts. -BOB: No.

-(SIGHS) -BOB: I get it.

-WINSTON: I'm gonna make... -I just said

that I was gonna find out.

So it's a hat on a hat, right?

-It's a hat on a hat. -It is.

-I'm gonna make sure it hurts. -No, no, no.

-The moment has passed. -(GROANS)

-See you guys. -WINSTON: Fuck!

I'm sorry.

It wasn't a good line.

-(WHIRRING) -(HISSING)

(BLOWS)

-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) -(GROANS)

J.J.: Don't you fucking touch him!

Winston!

-(SCREAMS) -Winston!

(WINSTON SCREAMING)

(MUSIC FADES)

Some of the subsequences are flawed.

-Some. -Run it again.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

-(BLOWS) -Winston!

-(SCREAMING) -Winston!

(WINSTON SCREAMING)

KUPP: These elements contain

-traces of... -(HISSING)

...which can cause notable brain changes.

Run it again.

The subject will not likely survive another extraction.

Let's hope he does.

Uh...

-(BLOWS) -(WINSTON AND J.J. SCREAMING)

The mutagenics are in range.

But, uh...

CJ DOONS ON TV: Here at Gonzales Park,

where a fun family festival

turned into a bananas bloodbath

that some attribute to the freaky folk hero

known as Toxie.

Beautiful.

THAD: I'm assuming you heard this.

Thad.

MAN ON TV: What I heard was criminal allegations

about BTH being in with criminal gangsters

and using our town as their own personal shit box.

WINSTON: It's Robert Garbinger.

He's in bed with gangsters.

They all got rich and you all got sick.

They are ruiners!

CJ DOONS: There you have it.

Shocking allegations against BTH

of organized crime connections

and heinous environmental abuses.

As of today, all municipal cooperation

with Body Talk Healthstyle is suspended,

pending a thorough inve...

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

You said it was handled.

Fuck them.

(SCOFFS) We can wait them out.

You got a turd in your pocket?

Who's this "we"?

I would never tell them anything about us. About you.

THAD: You say that like you have any control

-over what happens. -But I do.

Just now, we had

the breakthrough of a millennium.

It's the ultimate bio booster.

We could... we could call it Champion Sauce or God Soda.

Everybody is gonna be eating out of my hands, just like...

-Eating out of our hands. -THAD: Hush.

-BOB: Just like the old days. -Hush.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Okay if I had a quick drink? I'm just...

-One for the road? -THAD: Oh, yeah.

You're gonna need it.

BOB: We had a good run, huh?

You and me.

-Stop stalling. -(BOB SLURPING)

THAD: It's cheap.

(GURGLING)

(BOB GRUNTING)

Bozo?

Nobody calls me that anymore.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(YELLING)

-(GRUNTING) -(SCREAMING)

(CHOKING)

(GRUNTS)

(THAD GROANING)

-(GROANING) -(BONES CRACKING)

Rob...

(GASPING)

(GASPS)

(KISSY BREATHING HEAVILY)

Robert.

(GROANS)

My love, I feel unwell.

(GROANING)

KISSY: Mmm. (BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BOB GROANING)

Take dictation, my dear. Superiority...

KISSY: I don't want explanations.

I want results.

His body's rejecting the serum.

KISSY: I literally said I didn't want that.

We warned him it wasn't perfected.

KISSY: So fucking perfect it!

(SHOUTING) My God, you people are tedious!

(IN NORMAL VOICE) The mess upstairs? No traces.

-The hostage? -KISSY: No witnesses.

FRITZ: Wait. What?

KISSY: You didn't think we were just gonna let him go?

But he's a child.

And whose sterling fucking idea was it

to bring him here in the first place?

Do it.

(GUN COCKING)

No, Colonel.

Jeff, we're not gonna do that.

KISSY: You disloyal little gimp.

That is your brother I'm trying to protect.

(BOB GROANING)

No, it's not.

KISSY: Oh, Fritz.

(GROANING)

-You fucking little shit! -(GROANING)

(KISSY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY AND SCREAMING)

No witnesses!

(ECHOES) Witnesses.

Hey.

Hey.

-Yo! Wake up! -(GRUNTS)

They're going to kill Wade!

Wade?

Yo, yo, yo, yo! Come on, let's go.

(GRUNTING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)

(STRAINING)

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SIGHS) Mel would be so pissed at me.

(MUSIC FADES)

Pissed.

I gotta get my dick out.

(UNZIPS)

Your dick?

Please, like you have to trust me.

I swear to God, if you're being perverted right now...

Okay. Hey. No. No.

I promise you,

I am not a pervert.

Okay?

Okay. Watch out. I gotta piss on my face.

Okey-doke.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(METAL HISSING)

-(CHAIN CLATTERING) -WINSTON: Got it.

(GROANING)

Holy shit.

Don't worry.

I'll have better aim now.

No.

-(CHAIN CLATTERING) -J.J.: Ugh.

Hard proof. Maybe a cure.

Great. Get that to the car.

I'll get Wade.

(THUDDING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Go.

Hey.

(BULLETS WHIZZING)

(GAS HISSING)

(WINSTON GROANING)

(GROANING)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

(BOB LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOB GROWLING)

(MUSIC FADES)

Was it worth it, janitor?

Did you get what you wanted?

I lost... (SHOUTS) ...everything!

(BOB LAUGHS)

We're not so different, you and I.

I also like to scream.

-(SHOUTS) Everything! -(SCREAMS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-(GROANING) -(GRUNTING)

(BOB GROANING)

(GROANING)

WINSTON: Come here, you mother... (GROANS)

(PANTING)

(GASPS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOB GROWLS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

There's nothing you can do to us.

(COUGHING)

J.J.: Get your weird ass up.

You're the fucking weird ass.

Fuck you!

You bitch.

J.J.: Bitch!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)

Robert!

(GRUNTING)

(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

That's for my mom.

Where's Wade?

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(WINSTON SCREAMING)

You should have just helped me!

But I'm a monster.

(BOB GROANING)

WADE: Dad!

WINSTON: Huh?

(VICTORIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

This way. Hurry.

(GASPS)

-WADE: Please. -Wade?

Don't kill him.

It's not who you are.

Well, I mean, uh...

-What? -WINSTON: Never mind. No.

Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

Uh, you mean the... (STUTTERS) With the guy... with the...

Yeah, that guy.

WADE: Well, that was just self-defense.

Yes, it was.

(COCK CROWING)

You... You haven't killed anyone else, have you?

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

See, when you say, uh, "self-defense"...

BOB: (SCREAMING) Three, two, one!

(GROANING)

Ignition.

What a good fucking line.

(BOB GROANING)

(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)

-(SONG ENDS) -(APPLAUSE)

(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

You called me Dad.

I know.

(SIGHS)

I love you... (GROANING)

(GROANS)

WADE: No! Dad!

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Stop!

Enough!

It's never enough!

-(WADE EXCLAIMS) -Hey! Over here.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANING)

-(SCREAMS) -(GROANS)

(MUSIC FADES ABRUPTLY)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(THE GOOD THINGS BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)

♪ Holding hands after dark

♪ A single melody

♪ The way that you sing of me ♪

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

♪ Only the good things ♪

♪ In life that's all that matters to me... ♪

MAYOR TOGAR: Oh, good. You're up.

Your son's gone to the snack machine.

Neat kid.

-(REPORTER SPEAKING ON TV) -(SNAPS FINGERS) Turn that up.

-(TV VOLUME INCREASES) -...large scale corruption

in the wake of the BTH data dump.

A federal task force has revealed

a massive conspiracy of fraud,

bribery, toxic dumping, and even murder for hire

involving city officials,

including the Mayor and Chief of Police.

Criminally implicated CEO Robert Garbinger

remains at large,

as does the so-called Toxic Avenger.

RICK: Splendid. One of our greatest business minds

is pilloried just because...

CJ DOONS: Oh, shut the fuck up, Rick.

(TV SWITCHES OFF)

I've been after BTH for years.

Are you gonna arrest me?

We're gonna sweep you under the rug as best we can.

You also saved a lot of lives.

You'll always have that.

For a year, maybe.

Best case.

-DR. WALLA: Actually... -Oh, fuck!

What? You scared the shit out of me.

-I thought you saw me here. -No, I didn't see you.

DR. WALLA: Well, I'm sorry about that.

I was having lunch here, uh, in case you woke up

because I wanted to tell you this

-as soon as I could. -What is it?

Lebanese bologna and cream cheese,

-which sounds off... -What...

What did you want to tell me?

DR. WALLA: Oh. Yes.

More context?

-Nope, that's you. -(FORKLIFT BEEPING)

Looks like your mutations with generative properties

-causing... -(LOUD DRILLING)

...in your brain to vanish.

-Wild, huh? -(CRASHING)

WORKER 2: You done fucked up twice now!

You're in recovery.

Apart from your hideous physical condition, obviously.

(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Mr. Treats says thanks.

(MEOWS)

Thank you, man.

Great job. You did a great job!

(LAUGHS)

Bunch of crap.

-What? -You heard me. You heard me.

You got a problem?

Yeah. This is a hospital.

-This ain't no rodeo, buddy. -Yeah.

I'm aware. I'm excited.

Some kind of party.

Can I have more apple juice?

Shut the fuck up.

(HEARTENING SPANISH SONG PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CHICKEN COOING)

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

-GUTHRIE: Hmm. -(SLURPING)

(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(THE LOOK OF LOVE BY ABC PLAYING)

(SINGER VOCALIZING)

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ When your world is full of strange arrangements ♪

♪ And gravity won't pull you through ♪

♪ You know you're missing out n something ♪

♪ Well that something depends on you ♪

♪ All I'm saying

♪ It takes a lot to love you ♪

♪ All I'm doing ♪

♪ You know it's true ♪

♪ All I mean now ♪

♪ There's one thing yes one thing ♪

♪ That turns this gray sky to blue ♪

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ The look of love ♪

(ALL LAUGHING)

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ The look of love ♪

♪ And all my friends just might ask me ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ They say, "Martin, maybe one day ♪

♪ you'll find true love" ♪

♪ And I say, maybe

(MOUTHING) Yes!

♪ There must be a solution to the one thing ♪

♪ The one thing we can't find ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ Sisters and brothers

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ Should help each other ♪

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

(SINGER VOCALIZING)

♪ Heavens above

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ Hip hip hooray aye ♪

♪ That's the look, that's the look ♪

♪ Yippie aiy yippee yaye ♪

Yeah! Yeah.

♪ Be lucky in love ♪

♪ Look of love

(ROCK SONG PLAYING)

♪ You make it good

♪ You make it bad Either way you ♪

-♪ Make it -♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ Like I'm the one And I don't wanna ♪

-♪ Say it -♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ And the way That you look at me, baby ♪

♪ It's always the same in the end ♪

♪ No one can say There's something wrong ♪

♪ It's all meaningless ♪

♪ Nothing at all

♪ You say it here

♪ You say I'm there We're just getting ♪

-♪ Nowhere -♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ I tried so hard To make it work ♪

♪ And one day Would you do care ♪

♪ Ooh, shoo-boop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ And the way That you look at it, baby ♪

♪ Always the same in end ♪

♪ No one can say There's something wrong ♪

♪ It's all meaningless ♪

♪ Nothing at all

♪ Saying nothing at all

♪ Words are coming out? ♪

♪ And I'm beginning to doubt That there's ♪

♪ Anything at all ♪

♪ Throw it all away Nothing left to say ♪

♪ Saying nothing at all

♪ Words are coming out? ♪

♪ And I'm beginning to doubt That there's ♪

♪ Anything at all ♪

♪ Throw it all away Nothing left to say ♪

♪ Let's take it back ♪

♪ I know you tried But you couldn't ♪

-♪ Say, say -♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop

♪ You stayed home ♪

♪ And watched as father And son were speeding ♪

-♪ Racing -♪ Shoo-bop, shoo-bop ♪

♪ And the way That you look at it, baby ♪

♪ Always the same in the end ♪

♪ No one can say There's something wrong ♪

♪ It's all meaningless ♪

♪ Nothing at all

♪ Nothing at all

♪ Nothing at all!

(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(THE GOOD THINGS BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)

♪ Ice cream in the park

♪ Holding hands after dark ♪

♪ A single melody ♪

♪ The way that you sing of me ♪

♪ Only the good things ♪

♪ In life that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ My darling and me ♪

♪ Sweet cotton candy dreams

♪ Oh, what'd you do to me? ♪

♪ Whispers by the sea

♪ I know you'll be true to me ♪

♪ Only the sweetest things ♪

♪ In life that's all That matters to me ♪

♪ My darling and me ♪

♪ Could it be The sweetest thing of all ♪

♪ Is your heart of gold ♪

♪ What would you say If I took your hand? ♪

♪ And together we go home ♪

♪ And if I lose your love

♪ To the heavens up above ♪

♪ I'll cherish our memories ♪

♪ Nothing at all but you and me ♪

♪ Only the precious things ♪

♪ In life that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ My darling and me ♪

♪ It's only the sweetest things ♪

♪ In life that matters ♪

♪ It's only the good things ♪

♪ In life that matters ♪

♪ It's only the precious things ♪

♪ In life that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ My darling and me ♪

(SINGER VOCALIZING)

(SONG ENDS)

(INSTRUMENTAL HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES)

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

There's nothing they can do to us, Robert.

-(TOILET FLUSHES) -(ROCK SONG PLAYING FAINTLY)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ah.

I was just, uh,

just making some grilled cheese.

It's not... you know, uh...

Whatever, I guess. Uh...

You know, the main thing is,

you want to put the butter on the bread first

so it crisps evenly.

Put butter in the pan first, it's uneven and, uh,

you know, it can burn, and that's... that's not good.

So, uh, you got to use white bread.

Only white.

Or, uh, or sourdough.

Yeah. I, uh,

put a bit of mayonnaise on mine sometimes.

You know, to be honest, I don't think it makes

a difference. But, you know.

I don't know why I do that. I just do.

And I use American cheese.

But I... You could use cheddar

if you like that better or, uh, you know,

cheddar jack or, you know,

three-mix cheddar. Uh...

Oh, hey, bud.

Uh, another cool thing you could do

is you can just, uh, you know,

after it's been cooking for a while, you just

sprinkle some shredded cheese on the outside.

You flip it and do the same on the other side.

Now what you get is,

you get this nice, crispy shell.

So it's nice and crispy on the outside

and then you get that bite. (CLICKS TONGUE)

Just the pop.

You know, that crunch on the outside.

You know, it's, uh, not essential.

Just a little thing extra you can do to, uh, boss it up.

-You know, I... -(CLATTERING)

I serve, uh, I serve mine with milk.

But, uh, you could do whatever.

You know, whatever you like.

You know.

RADIO HOST: And that clocks another block

of "I Love Rock" on AM 10-1.

It's another unusually lovely day,

-here in St. Roma's... -(BLOWS)

Blue skies. Sun's out.

Kids are playing with their dogs.

That's how many beautiful days in a row now?

What's the opposite of a curse, kids?

It's, uh, just good luck, I guess.

Okay, this is Rowdy Mike on AM 10-1

where we're all 10-1 together.

(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAT GROWLING)

(HORN TOOTING)

-(BLOWS RASPBERRY) -(KISSES)

-(HORN TOOTING) -(GROANING)

(DIGITAL BEEPING)