Original subtitles

♪ MTV.♪

♪ ♪

SISTINE: Oh, my God.

-[Sistine sighs] -SOPHIA: What is with you?

You, like, literally have touched

every single crevice of this apartment right now,

and it's, like, kind of giving me anxiety.

I'm nervous.

After going on a plethora

of not-so-successful dates in New York, the time

has finally come where I am going on UpDating,

which is a dating show, in front of an audience,

and this whole thing is being live streamed.

And Sophia is oddly convinced that

this is going to be the answers to my singleness.

So, how does one dress correctly

for an audience in a dating show?

I think the wholesome route is always, like,

a good little start, but I don't think you should dress

like Mother Mary onstage either.

Like, she looks like she could bake an apple pie.

But then she also looked like she could handcuff me to a bed.

SISTINE: Since Sophia has committed me

to doing UpDating, I can't back out.

People are relying on me to show up, so...

I just have to swallow my pride and go for it.

♪ We got that glow from head to toe♪

-Okay, ready? -Yep.

-Oh, my. -Option one.

-That's not bad. -Or is it too hot for summer?

Yeah, it is 80 degrees out outside.

-It's just too winter. -[groaning]

What are you more comfortable in?

♪ Get your eyes on this♪

This looks like Fifty Shades of Greyright now.

-[laughing] -Okay, you're right.

♪ Get your eyes on this♪

-What do you think? [laughs] -♪ Get your eyes on that♪

-I like that. -♪ Get your eyes on this.♪

-Wow. -No, I love it. I love it.

I like it with your hair color, your skin.

I feel like you feel best in this one.

What if I actually like someone?

That's like, I mean, I'm assuming

that's your best-case scenario is

-that you want to like someone. -Yeah.

Even though I am a little bit nervous

to do the show, I'm honestly up for it.

At this point I will try anything to get a date.

♪ Talk to me, baby♪

♪ I'm goin' blind from this sweet, sweet craving, whoa-oh♪

♪ Let's lose our minds and go crazy, crazy♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I.♪

♪ It's way too easy to be lookin' this good♪

♪ The drip, day one, yeah, it's so understood♪

SYLVESTER: As I'm preparing to take off

to Florida, I thought,

you know, why not spend

a little time being nostalgic?

And the first thing I wanted to do was go

to the boxing gym, where it all started, with my brother.

♪ It's way too easy to be lookin' this good...♪

FRANK: Come on. There you go.

Okay. Don't hit me.

-♪ To be lookin' this good...♪ -[speaks indistinctly]

Ow. Fuck.

-Now I got you. -He always hits me.

-I'm taking the mitts off. -Now I got you.

When I'm going to Florida, I don't want you

to feel like you're deserted here.

-You're always welcome to come down 'cause... -Yeah...

I think you could use a chase, you know what I mean?

-Yeah? -Bang, bang.

SYLVESTER: I loved boxing as a kid.

Little did I know that 25 years later,

boxing would change my entire universe forever.

Because boxing is about fighting.

Fighting against overwhelming odds.

Guess what. Welcome to life.

-Hey, fellas. -Oh, my God.

The Mr. Grillo. I love this guy.

Come over here. Why don't you have any gloves on?

I see him hitting you, and I don't like it.

I wrote a screenplay called Homefront

starring Frank Grillo. He was the bad guy.

You got five seconds before I drill

your fucking skull into this table

and then into the floor, you understand me?

Where is the fucking narc?

He's as crazy as I am. A real badass.

Last time I saw you,

you were holding your back. How you--

-How you feeling? -[Sylvester stammers]

I thought I was going to be okay.

You know, I had my back operation,

which is why you should never do your own stunts.

And now I have to have another one

this Thursday 'cause, like, my legs are,

like, numb. That's why I'd like to bounce around in here.

But if you feel like you're gonna drop...

-I mean, but you're still, you're still moving. -I'm still moving okay.

But that's called, like, movie moving.

-It's not like real moving... -I know, I know, I know.

So they got to go in and do a little drilling again.

There's something kind of romantic about

"doing your own stunts."

There's something very unromantic about

after doing your own stunts.

Here we go again. It's back operation season.

You really think it's from doing your own stunts?

You know what it is? I did stupid stuff.

I was directing Expendables,and

like an idiot, I'm doing take ten, take...

-FRANK: With Stone Cold Steve Austin. -I'll never forget, I was doing

this one body slam, and I could actually feel,

bang.

FRANK: Stone Cold Steve Austin-- when you got

slammed in the wall, that started it all.

SYLVESTER: And Steve knew 'cause he had done it, too.

And I'll never forget Steve going, "Oh."

FRANK: I saw his face. He went, like, he felt...

-GRILLO: Really? -Oh, he felt horrible.

I never recovered from Expendables One.

After that film,

I was literally, physically never the same.

So I warn people,

don't do your own stunts.

But, anyway, if they ever need

a remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame...

[laughter]

...I'm ready.

GRILLO: Listen, I think you look great.

♪ ♪

-[Sistine laughs] -You're gonna do great.

SISTINE: I'm gonna be onstage.

The last time I was onstage, do you remember?

I was in the fourth grade, and I blanked.

I remember I had this monologue.

[audience laughs]

...was abolition and slave... and slavery.

When I stood on that stage,

I froze, I stuttered, I cried.

And I'm feeling those emotions coming back right now.

Look at you-- you are a confident, strong,

sexy, bomb-ass woman.

SISTINE: Oh, my God, I actually feel like I'm gonna throw up.

SOPHIA: Okay, we're here.

SISTINE: All right, baby, let's get it.

Come on. Hey.

-[overlapping conversation] -SOPHIA: Hi, guys.

-HARRISON: You look amazing. How are you? -SISTINE: Honestly, I was like,

-I'm just gonna go for it. -At long last.

SOPHIA: We've been talking about your guys's show forever.

I love it.

So how many guys are gonna be...?

-We-we have a couple. So, we... -We can't say. We can't.

-Don't tell me, then. Don't tell me. -Yeah, don't...

-Stop asking questions. -We can't say the number.

Do you want anything to drink?

-Tequila. -Tequila.

I'm a tequila guy, too.

BRANDON: We'll be back in a few.

-Yeah! -Okay.

All right, everyone,

clap it up. Welcome to UpDating.

-[cheering] -Oh!

UpDatingis probably one of the most genius

dating inventions I've ever seen.

No one knows that she's a Stallone,

so they're just gonna fall in love with her for her.

And that, my friends,

is the only thing that you want in life,

is someone who genuinely likes you for you.

All right. The moment of truth.

-Okay. -The blindfolds.

-[laughs] Oh, God, right now? -They're going on.

-Are you ready? -Right now? I guess.

Let's walk you out.

-All right. Oh, my God. -Okay?

SISTINE: And as if I'm not

nervous enough,

this whole thing is being live streamed

to the public.

Who knows who's watching?

Oh, my God.

-[coyote howls] -[insects trilling]

-[owl hooting] -HARRISON: Welcome toUpDating.

JENNIFER: What are you watching?

It's this show with our kids on it.

Well, I want to see it.

I didn't tell Sistine, but I thought it'd be

kind of funny to send it

to my dad, the harshest critic

in the entire world.

And I know I'm gonna get some texts saying,

"What the hell did you just put her through?"

BRANDON: Put your hands together

-for Sistine! -[cheering, applause]

So, Sistine, um,

you're gonna meet, obviously, uh, a guy

-or two tonight. -Could you please take this computer

-and break it over my head? -So, Sistine...

So, Sistine, you're gonna meet, obviously, uh,

a guy or two tonight.

So give your elevator pitch to them

-on why they should date you. -[cheering, applause]

Well, there's a plethora of reasons why someone

should date me. I'm a great time.

-[chuckles] Subtle. -[laughs] -I make delicious scones.

-Moms love me. Yeah, I love food. -[laughter]

Also like to stay in and have a nice little cuddle.

-Aw! -Aw!

SISTINE: Even though I am

absolutely freaking out for this show,

I am sort of

excited and a little bit curious

to see if this little blindfolded

social experiment will work for me.

Maybe something genuine could come out of this.

Talk about your current dating life.

What's the-- Is there-- What's the worst date

you've been on recently?

-[shushing] -All of them.

-[laughs] -Every one.

A guy told me to meet him at 1:00 a.m.

-in Central Park. -[laughter]

-Oh, gosh. -Come on.

You know what? Get her on the phone.

I know. Seriously.

-Seriously. -He was sitting alone

at a park bench,

and he just pulled out a cigar

-out of his pocket. -Are you sure it was a cigar?

[laughing]

So, is there an example of a best date?

Honestly, just carry a good conversation.

I like banter.

-She can talk. -She can-- Yeah.

Tall would be nice. I like big hands.

If they're nearsighted and have to wear glasses, I love that.

-Why would she like that? -I don't know, man.

So they-they can't see her?

I'm still back in Central Park.

-I know. -And the cigar.

Guys, clap it up for Ed.

-Give it up. Take a step. -BRANDON: Ed.

Wow, Ed's handsome.

He's all right.

I was a little...

concerned when I saw my daughter

on the dating show.

It's shocking. It's one thing to see

a guy in your living room.

You can actually size him up.

But to see him on-screen with your daughter

is driving me crazy.

It's like... an insane aquarium.

I'm looking at all these fish swimming around,

and-and I'm going,

"My God,

I have nothing to do with this."

Ed, there was something specific that you said to us

that's very important to you on a date.

ED: Oh, banter.

Do you have good banter?

Sure.

-So, take it away. -All right. Uh...

I mean, I don't, like...

Uh, I mean,

I-I don't know.

I think, like, quality banter is...

a stem of a healthy relationship.

Yes. Do you have banter, Ed?

[laughter]

I feel like I'm doing marriage counseling right now.

[laughter]

So, Sistine, you have

an opportunity right now

to find out anything else you want to find out

about him before we move on.

I think we can move on.

-BRANDON: Oh! -[gasping]

SISTINE: I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry. -HARRISON: Okay, Sistine,

we have a second guy for you.

Do you want to meet the second guy?

-WOMAN: Yes! -Whoo! -Yeah.

-HARRISON: Yay! -BRANDON: Definitely.

Ladies and gentlemen,

give it up

-for Charlie! -For Charlie!

[cheering, applause]

So, Charlie, what makes you different than other guys?

I feel like I'm a gigantic dork

trapped in a, uh,

-frat boy's body. -[laughter]

I like that you own that you're a giant dork.

He kind of looks like Justin Bieber.

SYLVESTER: The forward proceeding hairline.

Where's the rest of your shirt?

SISTINE: So, if we were

staying in one night,

what would be your choice of movie?

CHARLIE: Edward Scissorhands.

Nah, if he didn't say Rocky, you're dead.

So, what makes you dorky?

I guess, like, my hobbies.

I was like a theater kid growing up.

I did ballet for a second.

Oh. Yo.

[applauding and cheering]

It's like High School Musical.

Wow.

What dates have been successful for you?

SISTINE: I-I grew up riding horses.

-CHARLIE: Oh. Sweet. Yeah. -So that would be fun.

Do-do you ride Western or English?

-Western. -CHARLIE: Okay, sweet.

You know your horses.

I've-I've ridden a horse or two in my day.

-[laughter] -Okay.

[singsongy]: Sense a chemistry.

Thumbs up or thumbs down?

Kissing while blindfolded?

Oh...!

-Does this make you uncomfortable? -Yeah.

SISTINE: On the cheek.

HARRISON: Aw...

-CHARLIE: Ready? Okay. -SISTINE: I'm ready.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

That was a super nice cheek, by the way.

-Thank you. -[laughter]

-You grew that yourself, didn't you? -I did.

-I did, yeah. -[laughter]

I hate watching Sistine flirt.

It's so... [laughs]

He's touching her.

[sighs] I am just praying right now

that child does not kiss anyone

onstage because my dad

is going to go full explosion

on the guy.

[laughs]

Well, should they take off each other's blindfolds?

BRANDON: I think so.

ALL: Three, two, one.

[laughter]

Hi.

-Hi. -You're so tall.

You're really beautiful.

[laughter]

[audience cheering]

He's got big hands, he's got big, like, shoulders,

and he's got a thick neck.

He's just a big human, which I love because

I would feel really protected.

He's so different.

It's not like anyone I've ever gone out with.

So I'm a bit surprised that I'm feeling a little bit

of attraction.

Do you want to go on a date

with me after this?

Would you want to go on a date with me?

-Yes. -Yes.

[audience cheering]

[delighted screaming]

-Oh, my God! -Ugh.

-Oh, God! -It's like torture.

No, nope, no, no.

That guy's lucky I wasn't there. That's all I can say.

[laughs]

[audience applauding]

And I thought my back was painful?

That was the worst.

JENNIFER: Here we go.

Morning, it's about 6:00.

And... it's a very special day.

I'm going in for my seventh back operation.

Sly tries to mask the pain, pretend like it didn't happen.

He doesn't like people to know he's had so many surgeries.

I want him to be in perfect health

because until Sly gets back surgery,

we can't move to Florida.

So, Sly, today we're going to do the micro disc.

Okay, you have that large herniated disc fragment.

Clear that off.

And like we talked about, if we ever need

to do artificial discs, we'll do those later.

That's a much bigger surgery, right?

[voice fading]

-Okay? Shouldn't take us long. -Okay.

You're gonna do great. You know, you're...

Hey, I'm looking forward to it.

Sly going into surgery,

I've never seen him not in good spirits.

He has a great attitude.

It's very scary

for our family every time Sly has

to go through surgery 'cause you never know.

I mean, no one knows.

SOPHIA: I have not been able

to get ahold of Mom yet.

I was gonna call her again, but I'm a little...

nervous about the lack of information I'm getting on Dad

and what is going on during surgery.

Why don't you just text her and say "Call me"?

SOPHIA: Yeah, I was gonna say...

SISTINE: It's really hard to see

my dad go through

yet another painful operation.

I think my whole childhood he was in pain.

He did everything he could

to push through the pain and be present,

but I couldn't imagine, you know,

every waking moment you are just hurting.

SCARLET: My dad was my best friend.

We have kind of a really tight bond,

and this is serious. I'm just scared.

SOPHIA: It's just tough 'cause this is like, literally,

what, the seventh back surgery he's had?

And, and he's getting older, and that's what's scary.

JENNIFER: It's terrifying.

The worst thing could happen.

And you just have to wait.

-JENNIFER: Hi, Dr. Johnson. -DR. JOHNSON: Hi, Jennifer.

-JENNIFER: How'd it go today? -How's the patient doing? Here he is.

JENNIFER: He's looking good already.

Yeah, I was wondering where the patient is.

-JENNIFER: He's ready to go. He's ready to run. -You look great.

You just had back surgery this morning.

-SYLVESTER: It's amazing. -What, an hour and a half ago?

SYLVESTER: Yeah, exactly.

JENNIFER: It's incredible. Right after the surgery,

he's happy, he wants to get dressed.

He wants to go home, get something to eat.

I'm actually kind of shocked.

I'm like, can we wait like 20 minutes?

I'm hoping this is the one

to make him live a more comfortable life.

So, we'll see.

So, is he going to be at least 80% pain-free?

-He's going to be fine. -JENNIFER: Okay.

DR. JOHNSON: I mean, he's gonna be too good

-is the problem. -Wow.

JENNIFER: Can't wait to walk down the street with him again.

I am so happy the surgery is over

and he is on the path to recovery.

Sly has a clean bill of health

and we can now go to Florida.

I can't believe he operates in cowboy boots.

-JENNIFER: That's right. -He operates in cowboy boots.

SYLVESTER: That's Americana to the max.

JENNIFER: [laughs] He's a great surgeon.

♪ I got that la, la, la♪

♪ I go la, la, la♪

♪ You got that blah, blah, blah♪

♪ Open your mouth, go blah, blah, blah♪

♪ So what you gonna do about it?♪

You get to now witness us dating without blindfolds.

-Am I just like... -Watch me flirt again.

Am I literally just the third wheel?

You get to see it all over again.

-No, but thanks for coming. -Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

-It's not the first time... -You know I get nervous and awkward and...

I'm feeling those first-date butterflies

heading to the bar that Charlie works at.

But I'm really excited

because from our conversation onstage

and a little bit offstage,

he's really easy to talk to,

and I'm going to his environment,

so hopefully he can make me a really good cocktail.

♪ You got that blah, blah, blah♪

♪ Make your move.♪

-Hi, Charlie. -I'm so glad you came.

I feel like my dad just showed to my soccer game.

Aw.

All right, yeah, so what can I get you guys?

Here, we got the menus right here.

I want you to make me

-whatever you want. -Just curate whatever you want?

-Whatever you feel like my energy is. -Right.

♪ ♪

Trick, trick, trick, trick.

Very impressive.

You're such a gentleman.

Is this what you were drinking before the show?

CHARLIE: No, I was drinking pure vodka.

SISTINE: I was too sober. I was too sober.

No, I was-- well, 'cause I've done before

where I was, like, really sober, and I was just like...

SOPHIA: Interesting!

Did you go out with the girl after?

Yeah, um...

So, I've actually done it-- this is my third time doing it.

SOPHIA: No! Third time?

Wait, wait, I feel like a schmuck.

No, you should-- no, no, no. It's all... Yeah.

-I thought I was special. -You're not special.

I-- it was actually pretty special.

-By far, my favorite. -SOPHIA: It was really funny.

Playboy Charlie.

I thought I was special, but, you know,

third time's the charm, right?

SOPHIA: I'm gonna leave you two

to talk for a second.

Okay, so...

-Thank God the cockblock is gone. -CHARLIE: Oh, yeah.

-So annoying. -So annoying.

I feel like I'm, like, just

getting so hot and flustered right now.

I'm such a sweaty mess.

No, no, no, I'm so sweaty.

No, I, I think I have you beat. It's terrible.

No, but we can't fight over who gets more sweaty.

This is, like, not hot.

-I'm just happy you're here, honest. -I am, too.

Yeah, it's just like, as far as everything goes, like...

This is fun. I love it.

♪ Can you bottle it up?♪

♪ Can you fill up my cup?♪

SOPHIA: I don't want to toot my own horn,

but I told you so.

She found someone.

And I'm so happy that it was Charlie.

I think everything happens for a reason.

Check for me.

So I feel kind of bad

because my sister's been sitting in the corner alone.

Thank you for letting me come today, disrupt you at work.

No, I'm just so-- seriously, thank you so much.

So good to see you.

♪ Give me some♪

♪ Give me some, okay, yum♪

I like him a lot, and I'm very picky.

He makes some good espresso martinis.

-I ain't complaining. -I'm not gonna lie, I'm tipsy,

I'm feeling good, that was a good drink.

Girl, I had three of 'em.

♪ Okay, give me the♪

♪ Give me, give me that yum♪

♪ Give me, give me the uh.♪

JENNIFER: I cannot believe

this is our last...

-SYLVESTER: It is. Mm-hmm. -...meal in California.

This is it.

This is our final moments in Los Angeles.

This is more difficult than I thought

it would be.

Are you s-- a little sad, or...

-How are you feeling? -Uh... yeah, you get a little wistful.

You go around, take mental pictures of the place,

-and then... -You move on.

-You take that proverbial leap into the abyss. -[laughs softly]

SYLVESTER: I'm gonna go pack.

-Mwah. See you soon. -Okay, I love you.

-I love you, too. You got it. -See you in a minute.

♪ ♪

JENNIFER: Even though I've been planning on this move

for a while now, it doesn't seem real.

All the memories that we've made in California,

it's really gonna be hard to leave.

-Where are you going? -I'm going to school.

JENNIFER: Clap your hands. Good girl, yay!

Hey, Sophia.

We've had so many great birthdays and holidays,

and it is gonna be very, very hard

to say goodbye and not have a home

to go home to when I'm back in L.A.

♪ I know I used to be crazy♪

♪ I know I used to be fun...♪

JENNIFER: You guys look so cute today.

♪ I used to be wild♪

♪ I say I used to be young♪

-Can we have one last family hug? -SYLVESTER: Of course.

It's okay, Mom. Just take it all in.

I love this house, and I love the memories we made in it.

I know.

♪ You tell me time has done changed me...♪

-SYLVESTER: It'll be great, baby. -Yeah. I know.

SYLVESTER: Let's get on that horse and ride, okay?

♪ I know I used to be crazy♪

♪ That's 'cause I used to be young.♪

JENNIFER: Bye, California.

I think it'd be a great idea if Frank stayed

-with the girls in New York. -Surprise.

We went from going to his apartment one time

to him sleeping in ours.

It's just gonna be a little weird.

I'm thinking about leaving.

But if I leave Miami,

then I leave the person I love.

I'm falling in love with Miami.

I might even stay here after college.

♪ Come on now, roll with the crazy♪

♪ Dance like 1980♪

♪ Ooh, ooh♪

♪ Roll with the crazy♪

♪ Dance like 1980♪

♪ ♪

♪ Roll with me, baby♪

♪ You ain't gonna save me♪

♪ Ooh, ooh.♪

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org