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1
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Unfortunately,
Hope got bit by a cow
2
00:00:05,727 --> 00:00:07,194
at Natesville's petting zoo.
3
00:00:07,228 --> 00:00:09,613
Luckily, the petting zoois run by the butcher shop,
4
00:00:09,664 --> 00:00:11,832
so to avoid a messy lawsuit,they gave us
5
00:00:11,850 --> 00:00:13,300
500 pounds of beef.
6
00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,781
So lately, we've been eatingnothing but meat.
7
00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:18,784
All right, tonight
we're having steak-etti
8
00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:20,536
with meatballs and meat sauce.
9
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And make sure you leave room
for beef cobbler.
10
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:28,260
I haven't pooped in a week.
11
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,929
Me, neither.
12
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:33,132
But I know it's coming,
and it's gonna be bad.
13
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,334
Four trains arriving
in the station at once.
14
00:00:35,352 --> 00:00:37,136
Ooh, sorry I'm late.
15
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:40,272
I was at the gym trying
to work off some of this meat,
16
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,691
and I met a new girlfriend.
17
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,194
I knew it. I called lesbo
three months ago.
18
00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:47,863
I'd have 20 bucks
if I'd gotten any takers.
19
00:00:47,898 --> 00:00:50,182
No, you wouldn't have,
because she's just a friend.
20
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,984
Which I desperately need.
21
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,653
Especially after I found out
my Internet friend Cassandra
22
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,288
doesn't actually exist.
23
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:58,190
Hey, I was just trying to help.
24
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,658
Ooh.
25
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,360
Oh! That's Rachel calling
right now.
26
00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:02,628
Isn't she pretty?
27
00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:15,824
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
28
00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:18,510
What the hell is wrong with you people?
29
00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:21,380
I'm sorry. When I panic,
I throw things.
30
00:01:21,398 --> 00:01:22,547
Your new friend
31
00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:23,649
is my ex-girlfriend.
32
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:24,724
I was 18.
33
00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:26,617
I had just come out of my goth phase
34
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and was thinking of going to college.
35
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So I drove out to one, thinkingif I didn't end up going,
36
00:01:30,956 --> 00:01:32,557
I could still say I went to college
37
00:01:32,591 --> 00:01:33,952
and hope the questions ended there.
38
00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:36,311
Um...
39
00:01:36,345 --> 00:01:38,462
I'd like some pork and beans, please.
40
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,231
You're funny.
41
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,768
Wait, we're not actually here
to feed students.
42
00:01:43,802 --> 00:01:47,155
I'm not a student. No, I was
thinking of becoming a student,
43
00:01:47,189 --> 00:01:49,991
but now that I've seen
everyone in their...
44
00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,659
fancy horsey guy shirts,
45
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,995
I'm thinking maybe I'll just
take my pork and beans
46
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,479
and be on my way.
47
00:01:55,497 --> 00:01:56,998
Well, you don't have to be rich.
48
00:01:57,032 --> 00:01:59,617
You know, a lot of people
get here just by being smart.
49
00:01:59,651 --> 00:02:01,753
Strike two. Beans, please.
50
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,255
Here. But I don't think
you should give up
51
00:02:04,289 --> 00:02:05,757
on yourself so easily.
52
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:07,342
You're an underdog.
53
00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:09,344
Everybody loves an underdog.
54
00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:11,379
Especially a cute underdog.
55
00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,169
Wow.
56
00:02:18,187 --> 00:02:19,554
She's not just Natesville hot.
57
00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:21,089
She's at least Milwaukee hot.
58
00:02:21,123 --> 00:02:23,174
Yeah, I don't know, Jimmy.
59
00:02:23,192 --> 00:02:26,644
Long-distance relationships
aren't such a good idea.
60
00:02:26,678 --> 00:02:28,946
Plus, she's in college.
And while we've never been,
61
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,816
according to college movies,
things can get a little crazy.
62
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:33,684
Put the answers
to the final exam in your pouch,
63
00:02:33,702 --> 00:02:34,986
next thing you know, you're hopping away
64
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,101
from the university police.
65
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,825
Am I the only one who saw
Big Kangaroo on Campus?
66
00:02:42,578 --> 00:02:44,162
Well, me and Rachel are gonna work,
67
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:47,364
because I am gonna see her
every chance I get.
68
00:02:49,051 --> 00:02:50,534
And I did.
69
00:02:50,552 --> 00:02:52,503
I went to see her every single weekend.
70
00:02:52,537 --> 00:02:55,306
Hi.
71
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:58,542
Everything was going along great
until Uncle Jonas died.
72
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:02,063
But I want to go see Rachel,
not watch Maw Maw.
73
00:03:02,097 --> 00:03:03,881
Life is so unfair.
74
00:03:03,899 --> 00:03:05,566
Uncle Jonas gets stomach cancer,
75
00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,985
and now I'm the one who has to suffer.
76
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,320
Stop being so selfish.
77
00:03:09,354 --> 00:03:11,322
Your mother just lost
a member of her family.
78
00:03:18,897 --> 00:03:22,500
And now it starts to get interesting.
79
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:25,870
Since I couldn't go see Rachel,
80
00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:28,506
I tried to send hersomething special every day.
81
00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:42,586
But none of my giftscould make up for the distance.
82
00:03:42,604 --> 00:03:43,754
And eventually the letter
83
00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:47,424
my parents warned me about arrived.
84
00:03:47,443 --> 00:03:50,111
"Dear Jimmy, there's
no easy way to say this.
85
00:03:50,145 --> 00:03:53,147
"I've met someone else,
and I'm breaking up with you.
86
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:55,483
"Even though you have
the biggest trouser snake
87
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,535
of any man I've ever been with."
88
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,537
It said that?
89
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:02,106
No, I just threw that in
to make you feel better.
90
00:04:02,124 --> 00:04:05,076
And that sent me into a breakup funk.
91
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:09,630
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
92
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:15,086
♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪
93
00:04:16,672 --> 00:04:20,457
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
94
00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:23,427
♪ And she's always gone too long ♪
95
00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:27,031
♪ Any time she goes away
96
00:04:28,984 --> 00:04:33,437
♪ Wonder this time where she's gone ♪
97
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:38,309
♪ Wonder if she's gone to stay
98
00:04:40,496 --> 00:04:43,480
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
99
00:04:43,499 --> 00:04:46,483
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
100
00:04:46,502 --> 00:04:50,654
♪ Any time she goes away
101
00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:53,457
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
102
00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:56,127
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
103
00:04:56,161 --> 00:04:58,596
♪ I know, I know,
I know, I know. ♪
104
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:02,216
That Rachel is a demon child
from the jowls of hell.
105
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:05,136
And we don't want her in our lives ever again.
106
00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:08,022
Well, that's gonna be a problem
107
00:05:08,056 --> 00:05:09,673
'cause I invited her over for meat.
108
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:10,691
Hit the deck!
109
00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:15,313
Maw Maw, get down.
We're hiding.
110
00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:18,316
I'm 86 years old. I've...
111
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:21,185
got a colon packed with meat.
112
00:05:21,203 --> 00:05:24,552
This is gonna take me a while.
113
00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,561
Would you guys please get up?
114
00:05:32,595 --> 00:05:34,729
Look, Rachel is great.
115
00:05:34,763 --> 00:05:36,832
I've never had a BFF before.
116
00:05:36,866 --> 00:05:38,717
And I finally found someone
who's worthy of me
117
00:05:38,751 --> 00:05:39,697
using that ridiculous phrase.
118
00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:41,283
We're just
trying to protect Jimmy.
119
00:05:41,317 --> 00:05:43,618
Obviously we care about him
a little more than you do.
120
00:05:43,652 --> 00:05:44,652
Really?
121
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:47,455
Okay, fine. Name his
top three allergies.
122
00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:48,790
Trick question.
123
00:05:48,824 --> 00:05:50,242
He doesn't have any allergies.
124
00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:52,827
If I eat peanuts, I'll die!
125
00:05:52,845 --> 00:05:54,546
That's right. He will.
126
00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:56,264
Because Jimmy's a weakling.
127
00:05:56,299 --> 00:05:59,000
His heart can't handle
seeing Rachel again.
128
00:05:59,018 --> 00:06:01,836
That is why I forbid you
to open that door.
129
00:06:01,854 --> 00:06:03,305
You can't tell me what to do.
130
00:06:03,339 --> 00:06:05,473
And you can't tell Jimmy
what to do anymore, either.
131
00:06:05,507 --> 00:06:07,893
Look, you are not a teenager anymore.
132
00:06:07,944 --> 00:06:09,978
You're a husband and a father,
133
00:06:10,012 --> 00:06:12,013
and even if no one
else here believes it,
134
00:06:12,031 --> 00:06:14,933
I know that you are man enough
to handle this.
135
00:06:14,967 --> 00:06:16,985
Sabrina's right.
136
00:06:20,873 --> 00:06:23,074
She was right about me
being able to switch
137
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:26,711
from baths to showers,
and she is right about this.
138
00:06:26,746 --> 00:06:28,680
I'm an adult now.
139
00:06:35,054 --> 00:06:37,589
I rang the bell so long ago,
but I knew I had the right house
140
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,175
because I could smell all the meat.
Oh, yeah, the...
141
00:06:42,211 --> 00:06:44,145
Jimmy?
Uh...
142
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:45,814
hello, Rachel.
143
00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:47,766
Uh...
So,
144
00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:49,884
funny story:
145
00:06:49,902 --> 00:06:52,520
It turns out that my husband Jimmy
146
00:06:52,554 --> 00:06:54,439
is your old boyfriend.
147
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:57,058
Yeah. Oh, my God.
It's-it's been so long.
148
00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:58,443
Yes, it has.
149
00:06:58,494 --> 00:07:00,612
Which is why I hope
what I'm about to say
150
00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,163
doesn't ruin your new friendship
with Sabrina.
151
00:07:02,198 --> 00:07:04,149
Jimmy, what are you doing?
152
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,703
Saying something that needs to be said.
153
00:07:07,019 --> 00:07:09,688
When I wrote this seven years ago,
154
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:11,973
I wanted to make sure
that if I ever ran into you,
155
00:07:11,991 --> 00:07:13,992
you would know exactly
how I felt when you dumped me.
156
00:07:14,026 --> 00:07:15,810
"I thought that everything was going
157
00:07:15,828 --> 00:07:16,978
"to be great between us.
158
00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:19,364
"Then, all of a sudden, it was gone.
159
00:07:19,415 --> 00:07:21,833
"If our relationship
was a hit new movie,
160
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:23,535
it would be called Crash."
161
00:07:23,586 --> 00:07:25,954
Wh-When I wrote this,
uh, seven years ago,
162
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:27,455
that movie had just
won the Academy Award.
163
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,924
Never saw it, but I heard it was good.
164
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,827
Uh, da-da-da-da,
let me see, a couple
165
00:07:32,845 --> 00:07:35,297
Hurricane Katrina references.
166
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,766
Uh... Osama Bin Laden
is dead now,
167
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,718
so that doesn't work.
168
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:41,353
This is really catching me off guard.
169
00:07:41,387 --> 00:07:43,838
I... I don't even know
what to say.
170
00:07:43,856 --> 00:07:45,090
I mean...
171
00:07:46,776 --> 00:07:50,562
Well, I see you're still cozy
with Lance and Sally.
172
00:07:50,613 --> 00:07:52,981
I am so embarrassed.
173
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:56,067
I have been calling
them Burt and Virginia
174
00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:58,820
for like 30 years.
175
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,955
Oh, my...
176
00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:02,741
Wait a second.
177
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:03,742
You know them?
178
00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,243
Yeah, I know them.
179
00:08:05,294 --> 00:08:07,262
They're the whole reason we broke up.
180
00:08:07,296 --> 00:08:08,747
Mom! Dad!
181
00:08:12,585 --> 00:08:13,868
Oh, look, Sally.
182
00:08:13,886 --> 00:08:15,408
It's Rachel.
183
00:08:21,254 --> 00:08:22,764
I don't believe this!
184
00:08:23,324 --> 00:08:24,991
Okay, let us explain.
185
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,559
It's not what you think.
186
00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:29,446
Jimmy was interested in girls
187
00:08:29,497 --> 00:08:31,498
at a very young age.
188
00:08:34,752 --> 00:08:36,670
I'm gonna give this ring
189
00:08:36,704 --> 00:08:38,371
to that girl over there
190
00:08:38,405 --> 00:08:40,624
and ask her to be my girlfriend.
191
00:08:40,675 --> 00:08:42,375
Okay, good luck.
Go get 'em, tiger.
192
00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:49,182
Excuse me?
193
00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,917
The problem
was Jimmy liked girls
194
00:08:50,935 --> 00:08:52,552
that were way out of his league.
195
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:55,421
I guess the urinal isn't the
only place he aims too high.
196
00:08:57,608 --> 00:08:59,776
And sure enough,
once she realized
197
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:02,696
there were smarter,richer guys out there,
198
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:04,597
Jimmy was kicked to the curb.
199
00:09:16,961 --> 00:09:19,546
And we were left to pick up the pieces.
200
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:22,632
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
201
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:28,104
♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪
202
00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:33,727
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
203
00:09:33,761 --> 00:09:36,980
♪ And she's always gone too long ♪
204
00:09:37,014 --> 00:09:40,066
♪ Any time she goes away
205
00:09:42,469 --> 00:09:46,806
♪ Wonder this time where she's gone ♪
206
00:09:47,825 --> 00:09:51,444
♪ Wonder if she's gone to stay
207
00:09:53,497 --> 00:09:57,283
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
208
00:09:57,317 --> 00:10:00,253
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
209
00:10:00,287 --> 00:10:03,823
♪ Any time she goes away
210
00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:05,709
♪ I know, I know, I know...
211
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:06,993
Close your eyes.
212
00:10:07,011 --> 00:10:09,162
♪ I know, I know,
I know, I know... ♪
213
00:10:11,048 --> 00:10:13,683
I finally got him to go to sleep.
214
00:10:13,718 --> 00:10:16,102
Poor little guy's heart is broken.
215
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,804
Just broken.
216
00:10:19,664 --> 00:10:22,864
Burt, I'm talking about our son.
217
00:10:22,984 --> 00:10:23,950
How can you...
218
00:10:23,984 --> 00:10:25,535
Don't look at me.
219
00:10:25,586 --> 00:10:27,241
Are you crying?
220
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:29,322
His tiny heart is shattered.
221
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,292
It's making me so sad.
222
00:10:33,628 --> 00:10:35,161
So...
223
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,384
...sad.
224
00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:42,386
I know.
225
00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,919
I hate this.
226
00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:49,810
I hate being so sad.
227
00:10:49,844 --> 00:10:51,144
We can't ever let
228
00:10:51,178 --> 00:10:53,063
this happen to us again.
229
00:10:53,114 --> 00:10:54,614
Promise?
230
00:10:54,649 --> 00:10:56,116
I...
231
00:10:56,939 --> 00:10:59,095
I promise.
232
00:10:59,215 --> 00:11:01,016
Knowing we
couldn't take seeing Jimmy
233
00:11:01,038 --> 00:11:02,823
get his heart broken ever again,
234
00:11:02,857 --> 00:11:04,123
we made sure he stayed away
235
00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:05,763
from women that were out of his league.
236
00:11:05,842 --> 00:11:07,826
Mommy, this is Tracy.
237
00:11:07,844 --> 00:11:09,628
She's really smart.
238
00:11:09,662 --> 00:11:11,263
She helped me with my letters,
239
00:11:11,298 --> 00:11:14,600
and she taught me
that boogers aren't food.
240
00:11:16,353 --> 00:11:18,637
Thanks for coming over.
241
00:11:18,671 --> 00:11:20,523
Most kids don't want to
be friends with Jimmy.
242
00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,608
I don't know if it's
because he has cooties
243
00:11:22,642 --> 00:11:25,111
or because I'm a witch
who eats children.
244
00:11:29,994 --> 00:11:32,396
And it didn't stopwhen Jimmy became a teenager.
245
00:11:32,516 --> 00:11:34,070
Hello?
246
00:11:34,121 --> 00:11:35,871
Oh, hi, Susan.
247
00:11:35,906 --> 00:11:38,124
You're the head cheerleader, right?
248
00:11:38,158 --> 00:11:39,875
That's great.
249
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,411
What'd you get on your S.A.T.'s?
250
00:11:43,497 --> 00:11:44,696
Wow.
251
00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:47,083
Yeah, Jimmy can't come
to the phone right now.
252
00:11:47,134 --> 00:11:50,803
He's in the bathroom
taking his, um, worm medication.
253
00:11:50,837 --> 00:11:52,338
Yep.
254
00:11:52,372 --> 00:11:55,341
His underwear looks like
the sidewalk after it rains.
255
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,708
Hello?
256
00:11:57,728 --> 00:11:59,311
What is wrong with that boy?
257
00:11:59,346 --> 00:12:01,380
Right down the block, there's
that bucktoothed redhead
258
00:12:01,398 --> 00:12:03,315
with the one Frankenstein shoe.
259
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,717
She's perfect for him.
260
00:12:05,736 --> 00:12:06,852
We thought he had learned
261
00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:08,534
to leave those types of girls alone.
262
00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:10,491
But then Jimmy met Rachel,
263
00:12:10,611 --> 00:12:13,325
and she sounded a littletoo good for our taste.
264
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,994
Me and Rachel are gonna work,
265
00:12:15,028 --> 00:12:18,280
because I am gonna see her
every chance I get.
266
00:12:21,752 --> 00:12:23,953
You know we got to put a stop to this.
267
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,788
So we told Jimmy Uncle Jonas died
268
00:12:25,839 --> 00:12:27,573
and that we were going to the funeral.
269
00:12:27,591 --> 00:12:30,342
But instead we went to spy on Rachel.
270
00:12:30,377 --> 00:12:32,928
We figured that sinceshe was away at college,
271
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:35,347
Rachel was probably alreadycheating on Jimmy,
272
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:37,933
but we had to go up there and get proof.
273
00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:40,436
So to blend in, Burt and Idressed like students
274
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,188
in all the college movies we saw.
275
00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,807
This isn't anything like
the college movies we saw.
276
00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:47,026
Yeah. Where's
the uptight dean
277
00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,361
and the crazy frat guys and...
278
00:12:49,396 --> 00:12:51,697
where's the kangaroo, for God's sake?
279
00:12:51,731 --> 00:12:53,566
I'm pretty sure you dreamt that movie.
280
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,535
No. Indiana Jones and the Planetof the Pickles was a dream.
281
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:58,737
I'm pretty sure this one's real.
282
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,991
Ooh, there's Rachel.
283
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,075
I recognize her from the picture.
284
00:13:03,109 --> 00:13:04,827
I can't believe how hot she is.
285
00:13:04,878 --> 00:13:06,278
I mean, the picture cut
her off at the waist.
286
00:13:06,296 --> 00:13:08,280
I just assumed her ass ballooned out.
287
00:13:08,298 --> 00:13:09,582
That must be the guy
288
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:11,050
she's cheating on Jimmy with!
289
00:13:11,084 --> 00:13:12,501
As soon as they kiss,
I'll snap a picture,
290
00:13:12,552 --> 00:13:13,552
and we can go home.
291
00:13:14,954 --> 00:13:16,172
Yo.
292
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,095
Crap.
293
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:25,347
All of a sudden, the slut gets shy?
294
00:13:25,398 --> 00:13:26,899
This could be harder than I thought.
295
00:13:26,933 --> 00:13:29,735
You go talk to that guy;
I'll talk to Rachel.
296
00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:31,270
On it.
297
00:13:38,495 --> 00:13:39,645
Excuse me.
298
00:13:39,663 --> 00:13:40,812
Hi.
299
00:13:40,831 --> 00:13:43,482
I made some terrible decisions
in my youth,
300
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,484
so I'm just now getting to college.
301
00:13:45,502 --> 00:13:48,070
Could you tell me
where the laundry room is?
302
00:13:48,104 --> 00:13:51,123
Oh, um, it's in the basement
of the student union.
303
00:13:51,157 --> 00:13:52,992
So you have to go out the door,
304
00:13:53,026 --> 00:13:55,160
down the stairs, past the econ building,
305
00:13:55,178 --> 00:13:57,930
through the quad...
Whoa. Lot of college words there.
306
00:13:57,964 --> 00:13:59,048
Yeah. Sorry.
307
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:00,832
You know what?
I'm actually headed that way,
308
00:14:00,851 --> 00:14:02,134
so I'll just show you.
309
00:14:02,168 --> 00:14:03,302
I'm Rachel.
310
00:14:04,337 --> 00:14:07,556
Sally. Nice to meet you.
311
00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:08,891
So...
312
00:14:08,942 --> 00:14:11,026
are you hooking up with that hottie
313
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,844
I saw you with earlier?
314
00:14:12,863 --> 00:14:14,346
Richard?
No. He's, uh...
315
00:14:14,364 --> 00:14:17,316
he's in my a capella group;
we're just friends.
316
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,535
Right. Where have I
heard that before?
317
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:22,187
Oh, yeah, just from every
single guy and girl
318
00:14:22,205 --> 00:14:24,523
who are "friends" right
before they had sex.
319
00:14:24,541 --> 00:14:25,624
Well, not us.
320
00:14:25,659 --> 00:14:27,359
Besides, I already have a boyfriend.
321
00:14:27,377 --> 00:14:29,795
He lives in Natesville,
and his name is Jimmy.
322
00:14:29,829 --> 00:14:31,130
Oh.
323
00:14:31,164 --> 00:14:33,165
Jimmy from Natesville.
324
00:14:33,199 --> 00:14:35,718
Sounds like a big-nosed
kid with a bad haircut
325
00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:37,803
who wet the bed till he was seven.
326
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:40,306
But if that's what you like.
327
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:45,477
Hey. So, what'd you
find out about Richard?
328
00:14:45,512 --> 00:14:47,146
He's premed, he likes
sports-scent deodorant,
329
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:48,814
he's got about 30 bucks in his wallet,
330
00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:50,149
and he doesn't lock his door.
331
00:14:50,183 --> 00:14:52,318
It's obvious he and Rachel
are perfect for each other.
332
00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:53,569
According to his diary,
333
00:14:53,603 --> 00:14:55,437
he hates his thighs and
he's shy with women,
334
00:14:55,488 --> 00:14:57,740
so it might take him a
while to make his move.
335
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:58,890
Yeah, but in six months,
336
00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:00,326
when he finally does make his move
337
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:01,777
and he and Rachel end up together,
338
00:15:01,828 --> 00:15:03,562
Jimmy's heart is gonna be
completely shattered,
339
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,781
and we're gonna be left
to pick up the pieces.
340
00:15:05,832 --> 00:15:07,533
Man, we got to help Jimmy.
341
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,201
And we got to free the Burmese people
342
00:15:09,235 --> 00:15:10,536
from their oppressive regime.
343
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,955
After talking to Richard,
I wandered into a protest.
344
00:15:13,006 --> 00:15:14,707
Well, his heart's gonna
get broken eventually,
345
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:17,242
so for Jimmy's sake,
we've got to break it now,
346
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:19,511
so it doesn't get more broken, later.
347
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,714
He's lucky he has us.
348
00:15:23,416 --> 00:15:24,883
So we posedas full-time students,
349
00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:27,085
and we found some stuffin the dorm lost-and-found
350
00:15:27,103 --> 00:15:30,022
that helped us fit in better.
351
00:15:31,691 --> 00:15:32,942
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
352
00:15:32,976 --> 00:15:35,060
And to get closer to Richard and Rachel,
353
00:15:35,094 --> 00:15:36,946
Burt and I joined the Cliff Notes,
354
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:38,731
their a capella group.
355
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:41,400
♪ Bum-bum, bum-bum ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do... ♪
356
00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:44,069
I worked on getting Rachelmore interested in Richard...
357
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,904
Hey, guys.
358
00:15:45,938 --> 00:15:47,906
Mmm, mmm!
359
00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:51,610
Better not see him naked on payday.
360
00:15:51,628 --> 00:15:53,379
...while Burt worked on
361
00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:55,947
gently building up Richard's confidence.
362
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:58,116
What the hell is wrong with you?
363
00:15:58,134 --> 00:15:59,451
Be a man!
364
00:15:59,469 --> 00:16:01,053
And stop letting me slap you around.
365
00:16:01,087 --> 00:16:04,456
♪ To sell your
body to the night ♪
366
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:06,892
♪ Roxanne
367
00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:08,960
♪ Do, do, do ♪
♪ Roxanne
368
00:16:08,979 --> 00:16:11,397
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
♪ You don't have
369
00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:14,233
♪ To put on the red light
370
00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:17,603
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light...
371
00:16:17,637 --> 00:16:20,072
Meanwhile, we also had to makesure that we intercepted
372
00:16:20,106 --> 00:16:22,741
any mail or packagesthat Jimmy sent Rachel,
373
00:16:22,776 --> 00:16:24,910
and vice versa.
374
00:16:24,944 --> 00:16:29,081
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light
375
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:32,918
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light
376
00:16:32,952 --> 00:16:36,171
♪ Roxanne... ♪
♪ Put on the red light.
377
00:16:40,627 --> 00:16:41,877
I think somebody
378
00:16:41,928 --> 00:16:43,408
was checking you out during rehearsal.
379
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:44,880
Was it that creepy security guard?
380
00:16:44,931 --> 00:16:47,149
My R.A. said they
were gonna fire him.
381
00:16:47,183 --> 00:16:48,217
No.
382
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:49,301
Her.
383
00:16:49,335 --> 00:16:51,553
Behind you.
384
00:16:51,604 --> 00:16:54,339
You and Richard harmonize
so well together.
385
00:16:54,357 --> 00:16:56,442
You should have sex and get married.
386
00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,844
No way she'd ever be into me.
387
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,512
Any woman would be interested in you.
388
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,781
You're smart,
you're funny, you can sing.
389
00:17:02,816 --> 00:17:04,366
Unless you're dealing
with baby-sized equipment,
390
00:17:04,401 --> 00:17:06,017
you can have your pick.
391
00:17:06,036 --> 00:17:08,854
Sally, I told you, I'm with Jimmy.
392
00:17:08,872 --> 00:17:10,856
You haven't heard from him
for a couple of days.
393
00:17:10,874 --> 00:17:12,241
I'm sure he's busy cheating on you.
394
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,160
I read somewhere how nine
out of ten Jimmys cheat.
395
00:17:15,194 --> 00:17:17,913
I don't know, I think she just
sees me more like a friend.
396
00:17:17,964 --> 00:17:19,415
You ever seen that show Friends?
397
00:17:19,466 --> 00:17:20,749
Everybody was hooking up.
398
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,302
David Schwimmer nailed Jennifer Aniston.
399
00:17:23,336 --> 00:17:25,337
Anything is possible.
400
00:17:25,371 --> 00:17:27,673
You know what?
You're right.
401
00:17:27,707 --> 00:17:29,475
I'm gonna go for it.
402
00:17:29,509 --> 00:17:30,709
Attaboy!
403
00:17:33,563 --> 00:17:34,930
Wh...
404
00:17:34,981 --> 00:17:36,932
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what the hell are you doing
405
00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:38,233
kissing my...
406
00:17:38,268 --> 00:17:39,718
friend Sally?
407
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:40,986
You told me to.
408
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,489
You said she was checking
me out during rehearsal.
409
00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:45,107
No, I wasn't!
410
00:17:45,158 --> 00:17:47,326
You... kind of were.
411
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,494
No... uh...
412
00:17:48,528 --> 00:17:50,529
You're not even my type.
413
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:51,697
Sally, you're always talking
414
00:17:51,731 --> 00:17:53,332
about how hot you think Richard is.
415
00:17:53,366 --> 00:17:54,450
You are?
416
00:17:54,501 --> 00:17:56,518
A hot guy for you,
417
00:17:56,569 --> 00:17:58,487
Rachel, not for me.
418
00:17:58,521 --> 00:17:59,971
We're nothing alike.
419
00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:02,324
You're rich, and I'm not.
420
00:18:02,358 --> 00:18:03,975
That's what I like about you.
421
00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:07,763
You're, like, a real
working-class broad.
422
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:09,498
I'll bet you're dirty.
423
00:18:15,422 --> 00:18:17,372
What the hell is going on here?
424
00:18:17,424 --> 00:18:19,208
Uh... well,
425
00:18:19,259 --> 00:18:21,210
according to this bulletin board,
426
00:18:21,261 --> 00:18:23,545
um, lasagna day at the student union.
427
00:18:23,596 --> 00:18:25,764
"All Folked Up" is at the coffee house!
428
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:29,518
And somebody's
getting rid of a futon.
429
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:36,802
Why do you have a backpack
full of stuff from my boyfriend?
430
00:18:37,011 --> 00:18:38,045
What?
431
00:18:38,096 --> 00:18:39,379
That's not my bag.
432
00:18:39,430 --> 00:18:40,663
That, uh, must be
433
00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:41,664
your bag.
434
00:18:41,682 --> 00:18:43,467
Oh, my God, this...
435
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:45,469
this is all making sense now.
436
00:18:45,503 --> 00:18:47,187
The bag of stuff from Jimmy,
437
00:18:47,221 --> 00:18:50,107
you trying to get me to cheat
on Jimmy with Richard,
438
00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:52,008
why he hasn't called me lately.
439
00:18:52,242 --> 00:18:54,010
You're hooking up
with Jimmy, aren't you?
440
00:18:54,028 --> 00:18:55,145
What?!
441
00:18:55,179 --> 00:18:57,064
No, that's crazy!
442
00:18:57,115 --> 00:18:59,483
Trust me, I could never
hook up with Jimmy.
443
00:19:00,818 --> 00:19:01,952
Stop it!
444
00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:04,187
I'm tired of all the lies, Sally!
445
00:19:04,205 --> 00:19:05,489
You're my sister.
446
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:07,324
I need you to stop lying.
447
00:19:08,951 --> 00:19:10,660
The Indian chief who raised us
448
00:19:10,694 --> 00:19:11,878
would want you to be honest.
449
00:19:11,913 --> 00:19:13,530
You were raised by an Indian chief?
450
00:19:13,548 --> 00:19:16,083
I am dating Jimmy.
451
00:19:16,134 --> 00:19:17,200
In fact...
452
00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:21,588
...here's a picture
of me and Jimmy
453
00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:24,115
and my... brother...
454
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:25,375
...and...
455
00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:27,811
our tribe's medicine woman.
456
00:19:27,845 --> 00:19:29,479
I can't believe this.
457
00:19:29,514 --> 00:19:30,814
Well, believe it.
458
00:19:30,848 --> 00:19:32,689
When I found out Jimmy
was seeing someone else,
459
00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:34,196
I knew I had to get her out of the way
460
00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:36,520
so I could keep all that hot...
461
00:19:36,554 --> 00:19:38,688
Jimmy man-action
to myself.
462
00:19:40,108 --> 00:19:42,075
You know what?
463
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:44,945
If you want Jimmy so bad,
you can have him.
464
00:19:44,996 --> 00:19:48,365
So I forged a breakup
letter from Rachel,
465
00:19:48,399 --> 00:19:50,500
sent it off to you in the mail, and...
466
00:19:50,535 --> 00:19:52,119
the rest is history.
467
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:54,504
Wait, sorry, I got lost
at the beginning.
468
00:19:54,539 --> 00:19:56,373
Could you go back to when the goofy
469
00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:57,808
grocery store manager walks in?
470
00:19:57,842 --> 00:19:59,376
He's in this one, right?
471
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:00,961
I can't believe you guys.
472
00:20:01,012 --> 00:20:03,013
You should write a book on parenting
473
00:20:03,047 --> 00:20:05,298
called The Oppositeof What You Should Do.
474
00:20:05,349 --> 00:20:06,416
You should be thanking us.
475
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:07,717
If you had stayed with Rachel,
476
00:20:07,751 --> 00:20:09,252
you never would've
knocked up a serial killer
477
00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:11,421
and married the cutest
girl in the supermarket.
478
00:20:11,439 --> 00:20:12,639
You're right. So I guess
479
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:14,441
I should just run on down
to the pharmacy,
480
00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:17,093
get out a greeting card
that says "Thank you, parents,
481
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:18,945
"for secretly breaking up
my relationship
482
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:22,232
and hoping that I'm lucky enough
to stumble into something good."
483
00:20:22,266 --> 00:20:23,950
They-they do have
some crazy ones now.
484
00:20:23,985 --> 00:20:26,286
I saw one that said,
"Sorry your bird died."
485
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,404
Really?
486
00:20:28,956 --> 00:20:30,073
I am out of here.
487
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:31,374
You people, seriously,
488
00:20:31,409 --> 00:20:32,909
you're clinically insane.
489
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,911
Clinically insane or...
490
00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:38,415
clinically insane like a fox?
491
00:20:39,584 --> 00:20:41,885
Hey, wait, this is a new marriage, okay?
492
00:20:41,919 --> 00:20:45,222
If it doesn't work out, I'll call you.
493
00:20:47,508 --> 00:20:49,926
I can't believe it.
494
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,062
She's gone.
495
00:20:52,096 --> 00:20:54,631
My BFF wasn't for F.
496
00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:56,633
Well, look at the bright side.
497
00:20:56,651 --> 00:20:59,319
Because of us, you weren't
friends for very long,
498
00:20:59,353 --> 00:21:01,238
so even though she broke up with you,
499
00:21:01,272 --> 00:21:02,739
it doesn't hurt that much.
500
00:21:04,242 --> 00:21:08,862
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
501
00:21:08,913 --> 00:21:11,531
Jimmy really did find
the perfect girl for him.
502
00:21:11,582 --> 00:21:13,366
We did a good thing.
503
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:15,652
♪ Ain't no
sunshine when she's gone ♪
504
00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:19,589
♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪
505
00:21:19,624 --> 00:21:23,193
♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪
506
00:21:23,227 --> 00:21:24,794
♪ Any time
507
00:21:24,829 --> 00:21:28,798
♪ She goes away
508
00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:32,835
♪ I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know... ♪
509
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:42,957
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37259
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