Original subtitles

Oh, hey, Ben.

Have you seen

my complete collection

of all 193 National Flags?

Oh, here they are.

Wow!

So, I've been asked to run

this year's Model U.N.

at Pawnee Central High School.

Attendance has been low,

and if I don't

make it awesome,

they may cancel it.

I wonder if

I'm going to make it awesome.

Or I could be South Korea,

you could be Bangladesh.

We could form, like,

a trans-Asiatic alliance.

Yeah, I like it.

And I see the merits of it.

I just worry if

we're both in Asia,

it might limit our scope.

I kind of want to

roll up my sleeves

and make geo-political

problem solving my bitch.

Amen, brother.

Let's go back to Plan "A."

I'll be Denmark, you be Peru.

Yes.

You know, I didn't really

do Model United Nations

in high school. So...

Oh, wait. I super did.

I need a few more volunteers.

Andy, will you be Iceland?

The bad guys from

Mighty Ducks Two?

Don't think so.

Okay. How about Japan?

The bad guys from

Karate Kid Two? Even worse.

How about Germany?

They've never

been the bad guys.

Why don't you be Finland?

Okay.

Okay?

And I'll be the Moon.

No. You're gonna be

South Africa or Pakistan.

I'm the Moon or I quit.

April.

Moon or quit, man.

Fine. You be South Africa,

and then you can also

secretly run the Moon.

The Moon accepts your

ridiculous proposal.

Ron, you want to join us?

Look. I'll let you be America.

And teach kids

that not only is

government good,

but that there should be

a worldwide super government?

I'd rather sand down

my toenails.

Every three weeks,

I have to sand down

my toenails.

They're too strong

for clippers.

Excuse me.

Are you Leslie Knope?

What am I talking about?

Of course you are.

Thank you so much

for coming and trying to

help save our club.

We're so excited to see

a true Pawnee Model

U.N. legend in action.

Thank you. I really

wouldn't describe myself

as a Model U.N. legend.

I'd go with

"icon." Or "hero."

Look, if you ask me,

Enron is down, but not out.

Who doesn't like

a comeback story?

All right. If you

want to hear my plan,

get at me later.

I've got to meet up

with an old friend.

All right. Peace, man.

Let's go do this

lunch thing.

I just have one more

quick interview.

I'm still trying to

find your replacement.

That is unless

you want your

old job back?

I told you before,

Ronseph.

I've moved on

to bigger things.

E 720 going under

was a blessing.

I'm tearing it up

all over town like a boss.

Sounds great, Tommy.

I've offered Tom

his job back

several times.

And each time,

he's told me

he's just too busy

being an entrepreneur.

Then, two days ago,

I saw him spraying cologne

samples at Macy's.

The young man

has a lot of pride.

This isn't gonna be easy.

Ann Perkins.

Hey, Chris.

How's it going?

Not good.

Can I talk to you?

Okay.

I'm not sure if you're aware,

but I am romantically involved

with Jerry Gergich's

surprisingly hot daughter,

Millicent Gergich.

Yeah, you were grinding

with her pretty hard

at April's Halloween party.

That's correct. Anyway,

we've been on four dates.

But now, Millicent Gergich

hasn't returned

my last two phone calls.

I think our relationship

may be in trouble,

and I don't know why.

Wow.

A four-date-long relationship

might not be 100% perfect?

I think you should launch

a full-scale investigation.

The root of sarcasm

is truth, Ann.

I am going to launch

a full-scale investigation.

And I sincerely thank you

for that suggestion.

Glad I could help

in these trying times.

Sarcasm again.

You're a delight.

You have all been

preparing for months

for this year's

geo-political scenario,

Global Food Crisis.

Security Council,

we need you to lead us

or billions of people

will starve to death.

But most importantly,

have fun.

Due to my campaign,

the romantic aspect

of our relationship is over.

And I am totally

fine with that.

But Ben and I have

so much in common.

I mean,

we're amazing friends.

And friendship is better,

because friends help you move.

They drive you to the airport.

Boyfriends just

love you and marry you.

Jerry, I am launching

a full-scale investigation

into my romantic relationship

with your daughter,

Millicent Gergich,

and I thought

I could pick your brain.

Geez. I really shouldn't be

involved in something...

Quick recap.

Things were

going wonderfully.

We clicked on

an emotional level.

And then, suddenly,

I just stopped

hearing from her.

Now, you must know her

pretty well. What gives?

Here's what I saw go down.

Donna. Yeah.

Get in on this.

You're too accessible.

Every time she calls,

you answer.

You've got to

dangle the carrot.

Literally and metaphorically.

Thank you, Donna.

Thanks, Donna.

So, Courtney.

This says

you retired in 1968.

No, no, no.

I was fired because

I made a pass

at an ethnic woman.

And what have you been doing

for the last 43 years?

You know,

hitchhiking around.

I went to Mexico.

I met a lot of ethnic girls.

They grow on trees down there.

I was in jail for a spell.

That about

brings it up to date.

Sounds to me like

you're ready to get back

in the game, Courtney.

We'll be in touch.

Another very strong candidate.

Are you insane? He was

a million-year-old racist.

He said he liked

ethnic girls, Tom.

I'm sorry, Ron,

but I created a legacy here,

and I need to make sure

it's protected.

Let's bring in

some more people.

In my four years here,

I revolutionized

the position of Administrator

and made this place cool.

I was the first person

to abbreviate

Parks and Recreation

Department.

First, it was

Parks and Recreation.

Then, Parks and Rec.

Then, P and R.

Then, I lengthened it

just a little bit

to Tommy's Place.

Okay, wait a minute.

I think I have it.

What if we dropped

interest rates?

Would that help you?

Maybe. But what if

Brazil and Argentina

use their oil deposits

as collateral?

Whoa. That's really good.

Under-exaggerate much, France?

Nice.

Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom,

zoom, zoom.

Hey, Leslie, you ready?

Ow!

Sorry.

That's okay.

Hi, William.

Hi. You ready?

Yes. Absolutely.

Um, they want me

to do a photo op

for the campaign,

so I can bolster my

education credentials.

Can we just

press pause here?

Well, how long

is it gonna take?

I'm not really sure.

Can you just tread water

until I'm ready?

Oh, sure. Yeah,

I'll just tread water

till you're ready.

Thanks, buddy.

Leslie and I

aren't dating anymore.

But we're friends.

So it's fun.

It's just fun.

It's fun. It's fun...

It is fun.

Thanks a lot.

Yes! Honey.

I just traded

Finland's military

to Kenya for 50 lions.

That's pretty good, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

But also,

militaries are pretty good

at protecting countries.

But so are lions.

And you don't

have to pay them.

These kids are idiots.

I've just traded all of

Finland's boring stuff

for every other

country's lions.

I definitely have more lions

than any other country

in the whole world right now.

I have no idea

what's going on.

But if that ends up meaning

something in this game,

I'd say I'm set.

Hey. So, Russia and China

are about to

propose their own plans.

So, the kids kind of

want to get ours out there.

Um, okay.

This should probably take,

like, five more minutes.

Let's say

10 or 15 to be safe.

Well, how about we

make it a cool 40?

I'm sorry.

It's just important.

Well, this is

important, too.

I mean, it's kind of

why we came here.

Sorry. Could you

just step over here?

You're in the shot.

Oh, of course.

Her life is so awesome.

You're lucky

you're friends with her.

Shut up, Bulgaria.

I know. Well, that's the

great thing about treaties.

It doesn't even matter...

Hey! I'm back.

Or as they say in Denmark,

"I'm back."

Most people speak English.

So, are you guys ready

to polish off this treaty?

Oh, um...

Actually, I merged

our treaty with Russia

and China's treaty.

I got cut out

of my own treaty?

Yeah.

I got sick of

treading water,

so I swam over

to Asia and made a deal.

The nation of Denmark

would like to

formally request a summit

with the nation of Peru

over there

by the refreshment table.

Because the

nation of Denmark

needs a juice box.

I am shocked and

appalled by the actions

of the honorable

delegate from Peru.

Leslie, just...

Look. I thought

I could handle

being friends with you.

But I can't. Okay?

Now, we agreed

the other night

that we can't spend

time together.

I think that was

the right call.

But that was

in a romantic way.

We can still spend

time together as friends.

It doesn't work that way.

You can't just

chop up the aspects

of a relationship

into discrete parts

and select the ones

you want like a buffet.

Why not?

Because it's selfish.

Stop being obtuse.

Look, I understand

where he's coming from.

But I have been nothing

but straightforward with him.

And if anyone

in the entire world

should understand

the difficult

position I'm in.

It's just,

I have made an effort,

and I've shared

my flags with him.

And, suddenly, he doesn't

want to be friends?

Well, you know what?

That leaves me

with only one option.

Just excuse me for...

Attention! This is

an urgent world matter.

Due to a recent betrayal,

my homeland,

the great state of Denmark,

has officially decided

to declare war on Peru.

Scandinavian brothers.

On my signal.

Unleash hell!

See, I just don't

believe in this whole

"don't let people know

how you feel" nonsense.

I love telling people

how I feel.

Mostly because

I love most people,

and I love telling them

I love them.

You didn't tell that girl,

you love her, did you?

No. I'm not crazy.

What is this urgent meeting

with Donna and Jerry?

Ann Perkins.

I took your advice.

My sarcastic advice?

Precisely.

And we're getting

to the bottom of

what's going on with me

and Jerry's daughter.

And I thought you would

be a tremendous addition

to this think tank.

This is incredibly

inappropriate.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm game.

No, I'm not kidding.

My name's Gary and

I'm from Gary, Indiana.

Amazing.

People like hearing that.

It's probably one

of my stronger anecdotes.

A fact is not

an anecdote, Gary.

Here's an anecdote.

Today, I met the most

boring man in the world.

His name was Gary.

Hmm.

Now, Keith,

under "sex", you wrote,

"Yes. Ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Ha, ha."

Well played.

Thank you.

But all jokes aside,

I'm a boy.

Keith, I had this job

for four years.

And I can tell you,

you get out of it

what you put into it.

What are you hoping

to get out of it?

In, like, a month or so.

What?

Oh "What." What am I hoping

to get out of this job?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, one month of money.

Would be just right.

Let me give you

a situation.

You're hosting

a town hall meeting

for local businesses.

That's so much stuff.

You just went...

Kept on going.

That was, like, one thing.

I didn't even get

to the situation yet.

Oh!

All right.

Well, thanks, guys.

I think we've all seen enough.

Still not totally sure

what I'm applying for,

but if you ask me,

I think it went pretty well.

What we need to focus on

is how to destroy Peru.

Specifically,

one person who lives there.

Madam Ambassador, are you

changing the scenario?

We didn't prepare for this.

Global politics can change

and scenarios can arise.

And suddenly,

you're just like,

"Wait, I thought

this one thing.

"But look over there,

that's a different thing.

"And it's

changing everything."

And I'm like, "What?

"Hold up..."

Who has tanks for me?

I'm sorry,

but we're gonna keep trying

to solve the food crisis.

Food, shmood. This is war.

God, it's time for you

to nut up, Switzerland.

Well, well, well.

Look who is brave enough

to show his face in Europe.

Say the word, Leslie.

I'll sic my army

of lions on him.

Okay, look.

I think things are

starting to get

a little

out of control here.

I agree. You betrayed me

and you went behind my back.

And now, you need to pay.

I need to pay?

Do I stutter?

Okay. Fair enough.

Oh. You know what?

You might want to borrow this.

No one wants your

dirty underwear, Ben.

It's not dirty underwear.

It's a white flag,

and you may as well

start waving it

right now, Leslie.

The only thing

I will be waving

is your decapitated

head on a stick

in front of your

weeping mother.

Good Lord.

They were duds, Ron.

Really, anything

would be better

than the people

we interviewed today.

I guess

you're right, Tom.

I'm not going to

find another you.

You were perfect.

Competent enough to keep

the bosses off my back,

but selfish enough

to slow down all the work.

Tom Haverfords

don't grow on trees.

If they did,

I'd sell them. Tommy Trees.

Would you

consider coming back?

Sorry, Ron. No can do.

I'm like a shark.

I don't swim backwards.

See you later, man.

We have been

making great strides

with genetically

modified crops,

and would gladly pledge

to continue the growth of...

Excuse me,

Madam Ambassador.

Excuse me.

I'm not finished.

Oh, really?

Then, why do I

have the microphone?

I move that

the Security Council

formally condemn Denmark

and stop them

from making anymore

unwarranted

acts of aggression.

As long as you quit

derailing the conference.

People are dying

of hunger in Africa.

Oh, cry me a river.

All in favor of

the resolution.

What?

Oh.

That's interesting.

The resolution passes

with flying colors.

Denmark is formally condemned.

Bam!

That's no problemo, Peru.

Because Denmark

no longer

recognizes the authority

of this international

gang of thugs.

And history will be

unkind to those who

stand opposed to justice.

Together we stand.

And I ask all of you,

who is ready to join

the coalition of the willing?

The Moon shall

join your coalition.

Yeah. We got

the freaking Moon.

What are you going to do

without tides, Peru?

Okay. We need to stop

dealing in hypotheticals.

Ann, we dated.

What happened to us?

Really?

Do you want to get real?

Sure. Sounds like fun.

Sometimes, your relentless

cheeriness is confusing.

Like that time

we went to Eagleton

and we got that hotel room

with the Jacuzzi.

This just got real good.

And the Jacuzzi broke.

But I did eat food

off of your body.

Oh, come on.

All right,

Chris and Ann.

I just want to

go back to work.

So, the coalition

of the willing is Denmark,

Botswana, and the Moon.

The Big Three.

Now, here's what

we're gonna do.

Ben is probably

shoring up his support

in South America.

While he does that,

we are going to make sure...

Attention!

The Security Council

has decided to expel

Peru and Denmark

from the United Nations.

'Cause you guys suck.

Look around.

We thought you were

going to teach us

how to solve problems.

You've ruined

my favorite club.

Thanks a lot.

Did we win?

I think we won.

What were we trying to do?

I learned so much today.

I just wanted to say

that I thought

it was really cool

how everything

fell apart in there.

And also, maybe

you should talk to Ben.

No.

He's being a jerk.

Please?

When Ben gets upset,

he becomes

a really bad roommate.

He takes really

long sadness baths and

makes me late for stuff.

I hate it here.

I can't wait to graduate.

Yeah, but summer is

gonna totally kick ass.

So, you're saying

that I intimidated you?

No. Not exactly.

Come on. Talk more about

that tantric

workshop y'all went to.

I was so into you, okay?

And you basically

turned me into a female

version of yourself.

And then,

you got bored dating me,

'cause you were

dating yourself.

Huh.

I mean, I was jogging.

I hate jogging.

Jogging's amazing.

Jogging is the worst, Chris.

I mean, I know

it keeps you healthy.

But, God, at what cost?

Well, I'm sorry

that I added

five years to your life.

Now I'm being sarcastic.

Like you.

I'm doing something

that you like.

Being with you

definitely made me do

a lot of soul-searching.

And I came out the other side

being a much more

self-possessed person.

Well, I'm glad.

Good luck with Millicent.

Just back off a little bit.

Let her be herself.

Everything will be fine.

Thank you.

If you re-arrange

the letters of Peru,

you can spell "Europe."

That's not true.

Well, you have to

rearrange them.

Delegates!

I know that you are

angry with each other.

Hopefully, this will be

your opportunity

to have your

very own Camp David.

In high school,

my buddy, David Fundis,

would have these

campouts in his backyard.

We would just chill out,

have a bonfire,

talk about whatever

was on our mind.

We called it Camp David.

How do you know

about Camp David?

How do you know

about Camp David?

Okay.

You guys are

being stupid.

So why don't you

work it out

while Andy and I...

Throw these

scientist bottles

off the roof.

No.

That's right.

See you.

Go, go, go.

It's bad enough that

we can't be together,

but the thought

of us not being friends

is just too crappy

for me to handle.

I was perhaps

a little icier than

I needed to be.

I just need you

to be in my life.

You're too important to me.

I wish I could

say it's possible.

I just, I don't know

if it is right now.

Well, I propose a treaty

that states that we have

a fun conversation once a day,

at work, for five minutes.

I'll take it to

the Peruvian Senate.

Or whatever.

Please do that.

I'll try.

I'll see what they say.

What do we do

with those kids?

We totally

ruined their club.

I can tell you

what I would like

when I was their age.

Ben, how are we going

to get Kathy Ireland

to do naked

aerobics for them?

Okay. I regret

telling you that. Very much.

Hey.

Hey, Ron.

All right.

I've got to come clean.

I saw you spraying

cologne samples at Macy's.

What? Macy's?

That wasn't me.

There's a Macy's in town?

Where is the Macy's in town?

I heard they have

an amazing

cologne sample guy.

Just take the job, Tommy.

Come on back.

I quit

to pursue my dream.

And my dream collapsed.

It's embarrassing, Ron.

I can't go from

being a CEO

back to being

an administrator.

Is there anything I can do

to make you feel

okay about coming back?

Everyone, please.

Help me.

I am trying to get Tom back.

I'm begging.

This department just

doesn't work without you.

What do you say?

Ron, this is embarrassing.

Even for you.

I'm not coming back.

Peace out, my dudes.

Excuse me, everyone.

That was great.

So, what I'm thinking is

I'll come back in a few days,

you'll beg me again...

So, if it's okay

with you guys,

I would like to

ask Ron for my job back.

Ron, may I have

my job back, please?

Thank you.

I will see you all Monday.

Looking forward to it.

Ah, France!

My name is Cassidy,

and I'm really

annoyed with you.

Yes. And you have

every right to be,

but we're hoping

what we're going

to show you right now

will make up for that.

What?

The Pawnee city

council chambers.

The nicest room in

City Hall by a factor

of, like, a million.

Go ahead. Sit down.

Leslie and I feel terrible

for war breaking

out at your Model U.N.

Which, for the record,

Denmark would have won.

But that's

neither here nor there.

All right.

Thanks to

a coordinated effort

between the Parks Department

and the City Manager's office,

three months from now,

we are going to hold

a statewide Model U.N.

in this room.

And you're gonna

run the show.

What?

And we will just be...

Not here.

Or taking some

small countries.

No, no, no.

No. Fine. Not here.

Sound good?

Yes.

Those kids are

passionate about something.

That's important.

That's all there is,

really, is passion.

Passion is what

makes for good treaties,

good relationships,

good pizza,

good friends, good everything.

Including wars.

Ladies and gentlemen,

he was gone

but never forgotten.

He makes

all the ladies want...

No, I'm not gonna say that.

Swagger.

Beats. And I get the...

Who's... All right, forget it.

Welcome back, Tom Haverford!

Tick, tock.

It's Tommy Time.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I have to object again.

This just seems unfair.

I understand that, Jerry,

but the problem is

is that Tom came back.

And Andy's my assistant,

so I kind of

need him close to me.

Okay. But see,

I can't even hear anything

because of

the noise from the copier.

I'm sorry.

These are really important.