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1
00:00:02,091 --> 00:00:04,131
Dude, we have a test.
You have to focus.
2
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:05,923
I have no motivation
to succeed.
3
00:00:05,924 --> 00:00:07,840
You don't understand
how hard it is to study
4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,506
when you know you're sitting on
a huge trust fund.
5
00:00:09,507 --> 00:00:11,882
Dude, I'm so sorry, man--
I didn't realize.
6
00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:14,673
What do you guys think?
7
00:00:14,674 --> 00:00:16,465
"Charge"!
Scary, huh?
8
00:00:16,466 --> 00:00:18,340
Scary that some of this
might be passed down to me.
9
00:00:18,341 --> 00:00:20,965
War reenacting is a celebration
of our nation's history,
10
00:00:20,966 --> 00:00:21,715
and despite
what your mother says,
11
00:00:21,716 --> 00:00:22,965
that cannot be learned
12
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:24,006
by watching
Kevin Costner movies.
13
00:00:24,007 --> 00:00:26,173
I don't get why you care so much
about history.
14
00:00:26,174 --> 00:00:28,048
It's just a bunch
of boring facts and dates.
15
00:00:28,049 --> 00:00:29,506
Boring facts--
16
00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,131
Why are you being so mean?!
17
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,173
History is the story
of living, breathing people
18
00:00:33,174 --> 00:00:34,298
who helped
shape our world.
19
00:00:34,299 --> 00:00:35,423
Oh, yeah?
20
00:00:35,424 --> 00:00:36,673
If they're so great,
21
00:00:36,674 --> 00:00:39,840
then why are they dead?
22
00:00:39,841 --> 00:00:43,465
Guess who is killing it
as the Spring Gala Chairperson.
23
00:00:43,466 --> 00:00:47,423
♪ Is it my laaaady,
Kaaaaatie? ♪
24
00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:48,715
What are you doing?
25
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:49,840
I'm not sure.
26
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,673
I'm starting to rack up
awesome stuff
27
00:00:51,674 --> 00:00:52,631
for the charity auction--
28
00:00:52,632 --> 00:00:54,340
a $100 gas card,
29
00:00:54,341 --> 00:00:56,090
10 free games
of mini-golf,
30
00:00:56,091 --> 00:00:58,256
and a signed head shot
of Scott Bakula
31
00:00:58,257 --> 00:00:59,381
that I stole
from the dry cleaner.
32
00:01:01,382 --> 00:01:03,381
Oh, I'm laughing 'cause you said
those things are awesome,
33
00:01:03,382 --> 00:01:05,590
and they so aren't.
I'm beginning
to understand
34
00:01:05,591 --> 00:01:07,631
why your parents travel
so much.
35
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,298
Mom, Cooper's right.
36
00:01:09,299 --> 00:01:10,923
Gas cards
aren't gonna cut it.
37
00:01:10,924 --> 00:01:14,006
To raise big money, you need
big-ticket auction items.
38
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,006
Last year,
Nancy Granville's family donated
39
00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:17,715
a week
at her Sun Valley house.
40
00:01:17,716 --> 00:01:19,548
Brought in $20,000.
41
00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:21,007
That's like 10 allowances.
42
00:01:24,716 --> 00:01:25,715
Cooper,
you spilled your milk.
43
00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:26,881
Sorry about that.
44
00:01:26,882 --> 00:01:28,506
Are you going
to just leave it?
45
00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:29,840
Well,
what else would I do?
46
00:01:29,841 --> 00:01:32,507
What happens at your house
when you spill something?
47
00:01:35,549 --> 00:01:36,840
And now what happens?
48
00:01:36,841 --> 00:01:39,048
Well, Lupe or Dolores
or Lita or Patricia
49
00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:40,381
will come in
and clean it up.
50
00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:42,465
It is... Tuesday,
51
00:01:42,466 --> 00:01:45,923
so it would be Lupe, Dolores,
Lita, Patricia, or the driver.
52
00:01:45,924 --> 00:01:47,256
I don't know his name.
53
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:48,631
We just call him Bentley
because, you know--
54
00:01:48,632 --> 00:01:50,381
Shut this up!
Clean this up!
55
00:01:50,382 --> 00:01:51,798
See?
This kind of behavior
56
00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:53,965
is exactly why I don't want to
be a part of Westport culture.
57
00:01:53,966 --> 00:01:55,840
These people
have no sense of reality.
58
00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:57,006
Mom, if you don't
raise enough cash,
59
00:01:57,007 --> 00:01:59,048
it'll bring shame
to our family.
60
00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:00,840
It'll be Dad's goatee
all over again.
61
00:02:00,841 --> 00:02:02,715
Oliver, you have to accept
that your mother and I
62
00:02:02,716 --> 00:02:05,340
don't subscribe to
the shallow values of this town.
63
00:02:05,341 --> 00:02:06,840
As for the goatee...
64
00:02:06,841 --> 00:02:08,506
"Reality Bites" pushed
a lot of good people
65
00:02:08,507 --> 00:02:09,965
in a lot
of bad directions.
66
00:02:09,966 --> 00:02:12,506
Okay, shame doesn't work
with you people.
67
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,006
Let's try facts.
68
00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:15,506
If you don't raise
enough money,
69
00:02:15,507 --> 00:02:17,423
it'll force the school
to cut back on things
70
00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:18,924
like the Special Ed
department.
71
00:02:20,132 --> 00:02:22,131
Hmm.
That wouldn't be good.
72
00:02:22,132 --> 00:02:24,131
But on the bright side,
she is getting better.
73
00:02:24,132 --> 00:02:25,549
Yesterday she was scrubbing up
to her shoulders.
74
00:02:27,466 --> 00:02:29,048
Hup, there she goes.
75
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,423
Fine. I'll sweet talk
the rich idiots.
76
00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:33,256
But for the record,
I hate it.
77
00:02:33,257 --> 00:02:34,590
Agreed.
People should donate
78
00:02:34,591 --> 00:02:35,673
because it's
the right thing to do,
79
00:02:35,674 --> 00:02:37,215
not because they get
some vacation in return.
80
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,340
This is the kind of nonsense
I was telling you about.
81
00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:48,090
Taylor, I just talked
to your history teacher.
82
00:02:48,091 --> 00:02:50,168
{\an8}In an effort to foster
your love for history,
83
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,168
I'm taking you out of class and
bringing you to the reenactment.
84
00:02:52,169 --> 00:02:54,585
{\an8}What if I didn't go
to the reenactment,
85
00:02:54,586 --> 00:02:56,585
{\an8}and you just took me out
and dropped me off at the mall?
86
00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:58,127
No reenactment, no dice.
87
00:02:58,128 --> 00:02:59,210
You're lucky
I hate school.
88
00:02:59,211 --> 00:03:01,252
Question--
In this battle,
89
00:03:01,253 --> 00:03:03,252
how many died
and how bloody was it?
90
00:03:03,253 --> 00:03:05,127
{\an8}Well, it was a massacre,
so almost everyone
91
00:03:05,128 --> 00:03:06,502
{\an8}and very bloody.
92
00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:07,835
{\an8}I want in.
93
00:03:07,836 --> 00:03:09,002
Come on!
94
00:03:15,002 --> 00:03:16,168
{\an8}Nancy!
95
00:03:16,169 --> 00:03:18,209
{\an8}Hi. Katie Otto.
96
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:20,126
{\an8}I'm chair of the Spring Gala
this year.
97
00:03:20,127 --> 00:03:22,459
{\an8}Ohh.
Well, I hope you fair better
98
00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:24,793
{\an8}than last year's chairperson,
Stacy Clouser.
99
00:03:24,794 --> 00:03:27,501
{\an8}Do you know the pressure
of planning that Gala
100
00:03:27,502 --> 00:03:29,668
{\an8}caused her to have
a nervous breakdown?
101
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:30,959
{\an8}I want to thank you
102
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,543
{\an8}for attending
this very important
103
00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:34,584
{\an8}Spring Gala strategy meeting.
104
00:03:34,585 --> 00:03:36,001
{\an8}After some brief remarks,
105
00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:38,001
I will open the room
to questions.
106
00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:42,043
Bup! After my remarks,
Mr. Bobbins.
107
00:03:42,044 --> 00:03:44,543
{\an8}I'm pretty sure
that has all been exaggerated.
108
00:03:44,544 --> 00:03:45,959
{\an8}Are you?
'Cause I was there
109
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,584
{\an8}when the paramedics
had to hold her down
110
00:03:47,585 --> 00:03:48,668
{\an8}and administer
a sedative.
111
00:03:48,669 --> 00:03:49,918
{\an8}But you know what,
112
00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:52,001
{\an8}you tell yourself
whatever you need to hear.
113
00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:53,626
I'm just gonna
come out with it.
Mm.
114
00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:57,001
{\an8}Would you be willing to donate
your Sun Valley ski house
115
00:03:57,002 --> 00:03:58,169
to this year's
Gala auction?
116
00:04:02,294 --> 00:04:03,501
Oh, is that
your whole pitch?
117
00:04:03,502 --> 00:04:06,001
{\an8}Um...
118
00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:08,209
{\an8}How about I throw in
an almost-full punch card
119
00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:10,626
to Gary's Beef Bowl?
120
00:04:10,627 --> 00:04:12,126
No.
121
00:04:13,502 --> 00:04:15,501
{\an8}It's just that
you donated it last year,
122
00:04:15,502 --> 00:04:17,043
{\an8}and I thought maybe
you would do it again.
123
00:04:17,044 --> 00:04:18,918
And I thought that
my ex-husband liked women,
124
00:04:18,919 --> 00:04:20,710
so I guess we're both
cruelly disappointed.
125
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:26,668
The thing is, we need
to get enough money
126
00:04:26,669 --> 00:04:29,544
to pay for things
like the Special Ed department.
127
00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:31,584
Hi!
128
00:04:31,585 --> 00:04:32,876
Still here!
129
00:04:32,877 --> 00:04:34,334
Can't get rid of me
that easy!
130
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,293
You girls are in for a treat.
Over the next two days,
131
00:04:48,294 --> 00:04:49,793
we're gonna relive
the Westport Massacre--
132
00:04:49,794 --> 00:04:51,626
an event where real people
were inspired
133
00:04:51,627 --> 00:04:52,918
to stand up
against tyranny
134
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,876
and change the course
of the nation.
135
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,668
But they all got massacred, right?
136
00:04:56,669 --> 00:04:57,876
Sure,
if you want to nitpick.
137
00:04:57,877 --> 00:05:00,709
Okay, here's where
the excitement begins.
138
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,126
You get to choose
whatever you want to be--
139
00:05:03,127 --> 00:05:05,168
a soldier, a scout,
a musket loader--
140
00:05:05,169 --> 00:05:07,918
Actually, Corporal Otto, women
can't be whatever they want.
141
00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:09,835
They can only be
what's on this list.
142
00:05:12,919 --> 00:05:14,084
Not much of a list.
143
00:05:14,085 --> 00:05:16,293
Do I detect a tone
of insubordination?
144
00:05:16,294 --> 00:05:18,418
Sir, no, sir.
Corporal, we all understand
145
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,501
the importance
of historical accuracy.
146
00:05:20,502 --> 00:05:22,043
Without that, we're just
a bunch of dorks
147
00:05:22,044 --> 00:05:23,876
running around a field.
And I'm not missing
148
00:05:23,877 --> 00:05:25,751
my once-a-month
supervised visitation day
149
00:05:25,752 --> 00:05:26,959
with my kid for that.
150
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,709
In the real battle,
151
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,209
the only females involved
were nurses.
152
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:32,334
Is that understood?
153
00:05:32,335 --> 00:05:34,459
Yes, sir.
Understood, sir.
Good.
154
00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:36,126
Okay. Change of plans,
155
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,876
but... also exciting.
156
00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,501
Think of how cool
being a nurse will be.
157
00:05:39,502 --> 00:05:40,959
You get to run
around the battlefield,
158
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,543
carrying the wounded--
Correction.
159
00:05:42,544 --> 00:05:44,418
Nurses are confined
to the medical tent--
160
00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:46,709
nursing "wounds,"
tending to the "dead,"
161
00:05:46,710 --> 00:05:49,459
and preparing the hot stew which
was generously provided to us
162
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,084
today by Chunky.
163
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,668
History sucks.
164
00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,751
Yep, history sucks
for women.
165
00:05:54,752 --> 00:05:56,126
For men,
it was pretty all right.
166
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,793
There is a new name
on my hate list.
167
00:06:05,794 --> 00:06:07,251
Nancy Granville.
168
00:06:07,252 --> 00:06:08,334
How did you know?
169
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,668
Oliver called us.
170
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,334
He told us you struck out
with a bunch of moms
171
00:06:11,335 --> 00:06:12,293
at drop-off today.
172
00:06:12,294 --> 00:06:13,501
Oliver called you?
173
00:06:13,502 --> 00:06:15,209
Yep.
On the phone?
174
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,668
To complain about me?
175
00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:19,126
He's worried
your Florida-ness--
176
00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:20,543
his words--
177
00:06:20,544 --> 00:06:22,418
is impeding your ability
to perform
178
00:06:22,419 --> 00:06:24,001
in the capacity
of Gala Chairperson.
179
00:06:24,002 --> 00:06:25,751
And as much as I hate
to admit it,
180
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,751
that horrible child
is right.
181
00:06:27,752 --> 00:06:29,834
In Westport,
any charity donation
182
00:06:29,835 --> 00:06:31,876
comes from a quid pro quo.
183
00:06:31,877 --> 00:06:34,334
You want big items, you have
to give something in return.
184
00:06:34,335 --> 00:06:36,793
You know why Nancy Granville
donated her place in Sun Valley
185
00:06:36,794 --> 00:06:38,459
to the Gala last year?
186
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,501
You don't know why!
187
00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:43,501
It's because Stacy Clouser gave
her use of her personal chef.
188
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:45,418
For a week.
Hold on.
189
00:06:45,419 --> 00:06:48,001
So to get the people in Westport
to donate big, fancy items
190
00:06:48,002 --> 00:06:49,794
to the Gala, they need
a favor in return?
191
00:06:51,294 --> 00:06:53,751
But I don't have
anything of value to offer.
192
00:06:53,752 --> 00:06:55,668
You could let people
hunt Greg in the woods,
193
00:06:55,669 --> 00:06:57,126
"Most Dangerous Game" style.
194
00:06:57,127 --> 00:06:58,793
I'd pay good money
for that.
Mnh-mnh.
195
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,209
No one is hunting Greg.
196
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:01,084
He's not spry.
197
00:07:01,085 --> 00:07:03,168
Fine.
198
00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:06,001
Well, I do have a $20,000
gold-embroidered sofa.
199
00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:07,709
You could offer it to Nancy
for her ski house.
200
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:08,543
It's gorgeous.
201
00:07:08,544 --> 00:07:09,876
Why don't you keep it?
202
00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:11,876
It's too high.
It's humiliating.
203
00:07:11,877 --> 00:07:13,626
My legs dangle
like a ventriloquist dummy.
204
00:07:13,627 --> 00:07:15,293
I don't need your sofa
205
00:07:15,294 --> 00:07:18,043
because I refuse to buy
into this stupid Westport,
206
00:07:18,044 --> 00:07:19,126
rich-person,
horse-trading nonsense.
207
00:07:19,127 --> 00:07:20,334
Mm. Ah.
208
00:07:20,335 --> 00:07:23,293
Oh, Katie, hi.
209
00:07:23,294 --> 00:07:25,251
Hate to interrupt
your second feeding,
210
00:07:25,252 --> 00:07:26,626
but I heard
you're failing miserably
211
00:07:26,627 --> 00:07:28,043
at getting donations
for the Gala.
212
00:07:28,044 --> 00:07:32,459
Well, a $100 gas card
says otherwise.
213
00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:34,501
Actually $50.
I had to fill up.
214
00:07:34,502 --> 00:07:36,418
I want you to know that
I can't wait to laugh at you
215
00:07:36,419 --> 00:07:37,834
when this falls apart.
216
00:07:37,835 --> 00:07:39,459
Then I'll pretend
that I took it too far.
217
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,668
Then I'll comfort you
just enough
218
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:41,876
so that you think
it's real,
219
00:07:41,877 --> 00:07:43,418
and then I'll laugh some more
in your face.
220
00:07:47,794 --> 00:07:49,793
Well, I'm not gonna fail.
221
00:07:49,794 --> 00:07:52,168
Because I just decided
to play the game.
222
00:07:52,169 --> 00:07:54,959
Big-ticket donations,
here I come.
223
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,709
Great! I will give you $10,000
to hunt Greg!
224
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,084
No one is hunting Greg!
225
00:08:06,377 --> 00:08:07,709
Nancy!
226
00:08:07,710 --> 00:08:09,459
How funny
to bump into you.
227
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:11,168
Is it?
What do you want, Katie?
228
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:12,834
I have a little something
I'd like to offer
229
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:15,293
in exchange
for your ski house.
230
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,001
Drum roll, please.
231
00:08:17,002 --> 00:08:20,584
Doris' $20,000
gold-embroidered sofa.
232
00:08:20,585 --> 00:08:22,293
Doris has been trying
to give that thing away
233
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,668
to everyone in town.
234
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,376
It's awful.
235
00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:28,334
It has "Doris" written across it
in huge gold letters, so...
236
00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:29,959
no, thank you.
237
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,752
Would you prefer
to hunt Greg in the woods?
238
00:08:33,335 --> 00:08:34,751
Hi. Mom?
239
00:08:34,752 --> 00:08:36,668
Funny to bump
into you here.
240
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:38,334
I know you followed me.
I don't need your help.
241
00:08:38,335 --> 00:08:39,959
Oh, but you do.
242
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,959
Hey, Cooper Bradford,
close friend of the family,
243
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,626
come on over here.
244
00:08:43,627 --> 00:08:44,793
Hi, Mrs. Granville.
245
00:08:44,794 --> 00:08:46,584
Cooper?
246
00:08:46,585 --> 00:08:49,251
What a wonderful surprise!
247
00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:50,834
How are your parents?
248
00:08:50,835 --> 00:08:52,168
They're good, yeah.
249
00:08:52,169 --> 00:08:54,793
They are vay-vacationing
in Positano.
250
00:08:54,794 --> 00:08:57,668
Ooh.
What's vay-vacationing?
251
00:08:57,669 --> 00:09:00,209
Well, they were vacationing
in Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat
252
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,293
and they needed a vacation
from their vacation.
253
00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:04,251
Oh!
254
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,834
Whew. Would you consider
marrying a much older woman?
255
00:09:06,835 --> 00:09:08,459
No...
256
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,918
Would you?
257
00:09:09,919 --> 00:09:13,001
Mom, speaking
of Mr. and Mrs. Bradford...
258
00:09:13,002 --> 00:09:14,584
Cooper just informed me
that his parents
259
00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:16,751
are happy to host a table
at this year's Spring Gala.
260
00:09:16,752 --> 00:09:19,251
Mrs. Granville, perhaps
you'd be willing to donate
261
00:09:19,252 --> 00:09:20,501
your Sun Valley house
262
00:09:20,502 --> 00:09:22,126
in exchange for sitting
right next to them?
263
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:24,376
Oh.
264
00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:25,627
The house is yours.
265
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,669
Would you excuse me
for one moment?
266
00:09:31,335 --> 00:09:32,834
What just happened?
267
00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:34,293
Did I just get
the Sun Valley house?
268
00:09:34,294 --> 00:09:35,626
Mom, get woke.
269
00:09:35,627 --> 00:09:37,501
Everyone wants access
to the Bradfords.
270
00:09:37,502 --> 00:09:39,293
They're the most powerful couple
in town.
271
00:09:39,294 --> 00:09:41,168
Sitting at a table with them
for even an hour
272
00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:42,834
can elevate
people's social status.
273
00:09:42,835 --> 00:09:45,543
If we offer up seats
at the Bradfords' table
274
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,751
for big-ticket items,
we're gonna make a killing.
275
00:09:47,752 --> 00:09:51,834
Thus elevating
our social status.
276
00:09:51,835 --> 00:09:53,418
What do you say?
Say it again.
277
00:09:53,419 --> 00:09:55,376
Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat.
278
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,376
So sophisticated!
279
00:09:57,377 --> 00:10:00,251
You tell your parents
I said that, now.
280
00:10:00,252 --> 00:10:03,001
Okay, Oliver,
let's do this.
281
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:05,543
Finally.
Welcome to my side.
282
00:10:05,544 --> 00:10:07,168
Why do I feel like I'm making
a deal with the Devil?
283
00:10:10,419 --> 00:10:12,709
Oh, thank God.
284
00:10:17,044 --> 00:10:22,084
I'm sorry, young man.
The leg has to go.
285
00:10:22,085 --> 00:10:24,418
Glad someone's
having fun.
286
00:10:24,419 --> 00:10:25,959
You just have
to get into it.
287
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,209
Create a character.
288
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,043
For example, I'm a poor
Massachusetts housewife
289
00:10:30,044 --> 00:10:31,668
who, after witnessing
the horrors of war,
290
00:10:31,669 --> 00:10:33,584
has developed
a morphine habit
291
00:10:33,585 --> 00:10:34,627
to deaden the pain.
292
00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:37,709
Hey, girls!
293
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,376
Dad!
Are you wounded?
294
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:40,584
We'll probably have
to take the leg.
295
00:10:40,585 --> 00:10:42,001
Sorry, pumpkin.
296
00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:44,376
I just wanted to see
how you guys were holding up.
297
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,084
Taylor,
what are you doing?
298
00:10:46,085 --> 00:10:47,751
I'm using a Snapchat filter
where it looks like
299
00:10:47,752 --> 00:10:49,001
you're vomiting rainbows.
300
00:10:49,002 --> 00:10:50,376
Put it away.
301
00:10:50,377 --> 00:10:51,834
I got you out of school
so you could learn
302
00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:53,626
about our great nation,
not play on your phone.
303
00:10:53,627 --> 00:10:55,126
Dad, this sucks.
304
00:10:55,127 --> 00:10:56,543
We're stuck here
in this tent
305
00:10:56,544 --> 00:10:57,793
doing all the crap jobs
306
00:10:57,794 --> 00:10:59,626
while all the guys
are out there having fun.
307
00:10:59,627 --> 00:11:01,334
Don't you think
it's a little uncool that--
308
00:11:01,335 --> 00:11:03,459
My daughter's not giving this
a fair shot?
No. That--
309
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,418
You're rejecting one of the most
glorious learning experiences
310
00:11:05,419 --> 00:11:08,168
a person can have?
That only the girls
are treated this way.
311
00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:09,584
Especially this day
and age.
312
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,793
But it isn't
this day and age.
313
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:12,876
That's the whole point.
314
00:11:12,877 --> 00:11:15,168
Corporal Otto,
why aren't you at your post?
315
00:11:15,169 --> 00:11:16,668
Oh, sorry, sir.
I was just checking on my girls.
316
00:11:16,669 --> 00:11:18,168
A phone?
317
00:11:18,169 --> 00:11:19,626
What-- What are you doing
with a pho--
318
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:22,043
Or rather, what are doing
with some futuristic device
319
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:24,459
that I don't know about?
Because I'm in the 1700s.
320
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:25,626
It's no big deal.
I'll just put it away.
321
00:11:25,627 --> 00:11:27,584
Oh. No big deal.
322
00:11:27,585 --> 00:11:29,834
Okay.
323
00:11:29,835 --> 00:11:33,751
Then maybe it's "no big deal"
that I demote you, Private Otto.
324
00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:36,209
See you
on the battlefield.
325
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,085
Go!
326
00:11:39,294 --> 00:11:40,376
Back to private.
327
00:11:40,377 --> 00:11:42,209
You just flushed
three whole years
328
00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:44,834
of online reenactment class
down the toilet!
329
00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:50,251
I've got you down for two seats
at the Bradford table.
330
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,501
And in return,
331
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,584
you'll donate your private jet
for the weekend--
332
00:11:53,585 --> 00:11:55,959
Is that correct?
333
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:56,959
Great!
334
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,626
Thank you
for your donations.
335
00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:00,334
Put the Bumgarners
on the board!
336
00:12:02,002 --> 00:12:03,668
Mom,
I got to be honest.
337
00:12:03,669 --> 00:12:05,043
I'm actually having fun.
338
00:12:05,044 --> 00:12:07,043
We're like a mother/son
"Wolf of Wall Street."
339
00:12:07,044 --> 00:12:09,126
I'm Leo.
You're Jonah Hill.
340
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:12,459
Can't say that I love the
Jonah Hill comparison, but...
341
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:13,959
this is pretty awesome.
342
00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:17,876
Hey, guys!
How'd it go?
343
00:12:17,877 --> 00:12:21,043
So fun!
I amputated a ton of legs.
344
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,959
Sometimes I accidentally
took the wrong one
345
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,834
just so I could do two.
Mm.
346
00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,918
Mom, Dad won't let me go
back to school.
347
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:29,294
It's a two-day battle,
so no school for you.
348
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:32,751
What happened
out there?
349
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,459
What's happening in here?
350
00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,709
Oliver is teaching me
the ways of Westport.
351
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,751
I'm using
Cooper Bradford's parents
352
00:12:38,752 --> 00:12:40,376
as bait to dupe
the rich idiots
353
00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,376
into coughing up
fancy auction items.
354
00:12:42,377 --> 00:12:44,459
And we're killin' it.
Mother/son robot dance!
355
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,584
Katie, a moment?
356
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:52,834
What happened to not getting
sucked into Westport culture?
357
00:12:52,835 --> 00:12:54,584
I know it's weird,
but Oliver is helping me
358
00:12:54,585 --> 00:12:55,918
lock in donations
for the Gala
359
00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:57,834
and has taught me
the wonderful feeling
360
00:12:57,835 --> 00:13:00,626
that comes
with money and power.
361
00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:02,251
I don't like any of this.
362
00:13:02,252 --> 00:13:04,293
I don't like what you just said,
I don't like this board,
363
00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:06,293
and I feel like your hair
may be a little bit different.
364
00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:08,876
Don't listen to him.
You're finally getting
respect in this town.
365
00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:10,543
But at what cost?
Don't lose who you are
366
00:13:10,544 --> 00:13:12,668
in pursuit
of material gains.
But think of the power.
367
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:14,376
Surely there must be a
better way to get what you want.
368
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,876
People will want
to know you.
369
00:13:15,877 --> 00:13:17,376
You don't want
to know anyone, Katie.
370
00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:18,751
People will want
to be you.
371
00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:20,001
That's not
what you're about.
372
00:13:20,002 --> 00:13:22,543
And you can finally destroy
Tara Summers.
373
00:13:22,544 --> 00:13:23,959
Winner!
Sorry, Greg.
374
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,293
I'm going
with the kid on this one.
375
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:26,334
Fine. But for the record,
376
00:13:26,335 --> 00:13:27,626
I don't like the crowd
you're running with.
377
00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:30,001
Who? Oliver?
378
00:13:30,002 --> 00:13:31,293
Yes.
379
00:13:40,919 --> 00:13:42,876
Katie! Hi!
380
00:13:42,877 --> 00:13:44,293
Don't you look adorable
today.
381
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:47,709
Someone's clearly heard how
I'm killing it with the Gala.
382
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,668
I have.
And I also heard
383
00:13:49,669 --> 00:13:51,876
that there's one more seat
available at the Bradford table.
384
00:13:51,877 --> 00:13:53,543
Well, by happy coincidence,
385
00:13:53,544 --> 00:13:55,793
our timeshare in the Bahamas
is suddenly available.
386
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,001
Which I'd be happy
to donate.
387
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,418
Oh, really?
That is a happy coincidence.
388
00:13:59,419 --> 00:14:00,793
Your timeshare's
no good here.
389
00:14:00,794 --> 00:14:02,709
And the Bahamas?
Really?
390
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:03,793
What, are we
filming "Cocktail"?
391
00:14:03,794 --> 00:14:04,835
Move along.
392
00:14:09,044 --> 00:14:10,293
Mom...
393
00:14:10,294 --> 00:14:11,959
Oliver, why didn't you tell me
it was so much fun
394
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,251
being a Westport douchebag?
395
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:14,959
That's literally
all I talk about.
396
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,834
Mom, bad news.
397
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:18,501
Cooper Bradford
just got suspended
398
00:14:18,502 --> 00:14:20,543
and might get expelled.
If the school throws him out,
399
00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:22,668
there's no way his parents will
sponsor a table at the Gala.
400
00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:24,084
Oh, man!
401
00:14:24,085 --> 00:14:25,418
Nothing ever goes my way!
402
00:14:25,419 --> 00:14:28,334
First you three kids,
now this!
403
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,001
Principal Ablin?
404
00:14:35,002 --> 00:14:37,043
Oh, hi, Katie.
405
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,501
If you're here
to complain again,
406
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:41,626
we now have a meat option
on vegan day.
407
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:44,751
I need your help with
the Cooper Bradford situation.
408
00:14:44,752 --> 00:14:46,876
You need to unsuspend him.
409
00:14:46,877 --> 00:14:48,584
First,
you're not his parent.
410
00:14:48,585 --> 00:14:50,543
And do you even know what the
Cooper Bradford situation is?
411
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,584
No.
But how bad can it be?
412
00:14:52,585 --> 00:14:54,084
He paid the smart kids
in his math class
413
00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,584
to tank their midterm
and lower the curve
414
00:14:55,585 --> 00:14:56,709
so he didn't have to study.
415
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:57,918
That's terrible.
416
00:14:57,919 --> 00:14:59,168
Yeah. It is.
417
00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:01,043
Back in my day,
if you wanted to cheat,
418
00:15:01,044 --> 00:15:02,918
you'd just write the formulas
on your upper thigh
419
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:04,793
and then call the teacher
a pervert if he busted you.
420
00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:07,084
It's not so much
how he cheated.
421
00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:08,543
It's that he cheated.
422
00:15:08,544 --> 00:15:10,168
Yeah, I got it,
but here's my problem--
423
00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:12,251
I have to get Cooper
out of trouble,
424
00:15:12,252 --> 00:15:15,209
otherwise the whole Spring Gala
falls apart on me.
425
00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:17,543
And since the Gala
is where a large amount
426
00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,043
of the funding for the school
comes from,
427
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:22,418
without it, other things
fall apart, too.
428
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:27,209
Like the new planned renovation
of the teachers' lounge
429
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,709
that I just thought of.
430
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,459
Mrs. Otto,
two of our brightest kids
431
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,584
were dis-invited from the
Math-a-lathon because of this.
432
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:33,959
We're lucky they're
still allowed to compete
433
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,168
in the Biolog-a-lympics.
434
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,834
Okay,
let's me and you talk,
435
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:38,334
poor person
to poor person.
436
00:15:38,335 --> 00:15:39,918
I do very well,
thank you.
437
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:42,084
I drive an Elantra.
Stop it.
438
00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:43,334
We're both a couple of poors,
and we know it.
439
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:45,376
And the rich people
are always using us poors
440
00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:46,793
for what they want.
441
00:15:46,794 --> 00:15:48,876
Don't you think it's time
that a couple of poors
442
00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:51,251
use one of the richies
for what we want?
443
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:04,168
I hear rumor of a very nice sofa
being offered around town.
444
00:16:04,169 --> 00:16:07,043
It says "Doris" on it
in gold?
445
00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:09,001
My cat's name is Doris.
446
00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:14,584
Your attention!
447
00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:16,709
The British
have surrounded us!
448
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,209
But before we begin
the massacre,
449
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,793
I'd like to go over
the rules.
450
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:22,543
As per usual, we will be
using verbal "bangs"
451
00:16:22,544 --> 00:16:23,918
to represent shots fired.
452
00:16:23,919 --> 00:16:26,084
Also, Paul will place stickers
on victims
453
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,918
to indicate
they've been hit.
454
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:29,835
Okay!
Commence massacre!
455
00:16:30,669 --> 00:16:32,543
Aim! Fire!
456
00:16:32,544 --> 00:16:33,459
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
457
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:36,251
Fire!
458
00:16:36,252 --> 00:16:37,168
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
459
00:16:38,085 --> 00:16:39,959
- Fire!
- Bang!
460
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,209
Fire!
461
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,668
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
462
00:16:44,669 --> 00:16:46,251
Fire!
463
00:16:46,252 --> 00:16:50,376
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
464
00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:55,709
I'm hit!
465
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,626
Shoulder? Really?
466
00:16:57,627 --> 00:16:58,877
Ricochet.
467
00:17:01,835 --> 00:17:03,168
Excellent death, honey.
468
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:05,709
Thanks, Dad.
469
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,418
I can't get
these pants dirty.
470
00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:19,126
Last time, they were
so expensive to dry clean.
471
00:17:22,252 --> 00:17:23,793
Taylor, die.
472
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:24,919
No.
473
00:17:27,627 --> 00:17:28,834
You're shot again!
Go down!
474
00:17:28,835 --> 00:17:30,334
No!
475
00:17:31,877 --> 00:17:33,251
Boom!
476
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:36,251
Cannonball!
477
00:17:36,252 --> 00:17:37,501
You will die right now,
young lady!
478
00:17:37,502 --> 00:17:38,834
No, Dad!
479
00:17:38,835 --> 00:17:40,876
This is totally unfair!
480
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,626
I can't be a soldier because
it's historically inaccurate?
481
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:45,168
But people
are just yelling "bang."
482
00:17:45,169 --> 00:17:47,251
And there's a guy
putting stickers on people
483
00:17:47,252 --> 00:17:48,918
to show
they've been shot.
484
00:17:48,919 --> 00:17:50,293
You're fine
overlooking these things
485
00:17:50,294 --> 00:17:51,668
but not letting girls
be soldiers?
486
00:17:51,669 --> 00:17:53,418
Nurse, you will die now!
487
00:17:53,419 --> 00:17:54,751
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
488
00:17:54,752 --> 00:17:56,001
Don't yell
at my daughter.
489
00:17:56,002 --> 00:17:57,876
Back on the ground,
Private Otto,
490
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,293
or I'll send you
to the stockade.
491
00:17:59,294 --> 00:18:00,709
No, you won't, Elliot.
492
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:02,126
How dare you?
493
00:18:02,127 --> 00:18:04,626
I am Captain Beauregard
of the Fifth Battalion!
494
00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:06,293
No,
you're Elliot Grady.
495
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:07,876
You sell lambs' wool
car-seat covers
496
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:10,001
out of a kiosk
in the Stamford Mall.
497
00:18:10,002 --> 00:18:12,209
Stop using words
that haven't been invented yet!
498
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:13,709
Look,
my daughter is right.
499
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:15,876
None of this
is 100% accurate.
500
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,668
Jim wears color contacts.
501
00:18:17,669 --> 00:18:20,543
They're stunning, sure,
but come on, accurate?
502
00:18:20,544 --> 00:18:23,168
And I happen to know
that you wear support socks!
503
00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:27,459
I have phlebitis
in my ankles!
504
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:28,959
All I'm saying is--
505
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,918
is what my daughter's asking for
so wrong?
506
00:18:30,919 --> 00:18:34,793
May I remind you all that
this is the Westport Massacre!
507
00:18:34,794 --> 00:18:35,918
I'm sorry.
508
00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:38,959
This is the
Chunky Soup Westport Massacre!
509
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,001
I want to bring
my inhaler.
510
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:41,793
I want to wear
my back brace.
511
00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:44,918
I'd like to bring a football
to throw during down times.
512
00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:47,377
Paul,
get these men in line.
513
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:50,293
Bang.
514
00:18:50,294 --> 00:18:51,293
Oh, I die?
515
00:18:51,294 --> 00:18:52,418
I die?
516
00:18:52,419 --> 00:18:53,834
Okay,
you know what dies with me?
517
00:18:53,835 --> 00:18:55,418
My Netflix password.
518
00:18:55,419 --> 00:18:57,043
Yeah, didn't think
that one through, did you?
519
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:58,959
Nope.
No, un-die me!
520
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,834
Thanks, Dad.
It was the right thing
to do.
521
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:02,251
I'm sorry
I didn't support you sooner.
522
00:19:02,252 --> 00:19:03,751
If it makes you feel
any better,
523
00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:05,501
I think I actually get
what you like about history.
524
00:19:05,502 --> 00:19:07,251
You do?
Yeah.
525
00:19:07,252 --> 00:19:08,918
Being a part
of a mini revolution
526
00:19:08,919 --> 00:19:10,459
and standing up
to a tyrant,
527
00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:11,751
it kind of helps me
understand
528
00:19:11,752 --> 00:19:13,293
how those people
really must've felt.
529
00:19:13,294 --> 00:19:14,543
Aw, honey.
530
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:15,918
I'm so proud of you
for having the courage
531
00:19:15,919 --> 00:19:17,376
to stand up
for what you believe in.
532
00:19:17,377 --> 00:19:19,626
And that you learned about
the Revolution by yourself.
533
00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:21,751
No, Dad. You learned it
to me.
534
00:19:21,752 --> 00:19:22,793
Actually, the proper--
535
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:24,001
You know what?
Who cares?
536
00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:25,168
We learned it
to each other.
537
00:19:32,752 --> 00:19:34,918
Oh, what's the celebration?
I'm a free man.
538
00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:37,418
Mrs. Otto got Principal Ablin
to unsuspend me.
539
00:19:37,419 --> 00:19:40,001
By giving him Doris' sofa,
thereby saving the Gala.
540
00:19:40,002 --> 00:19:41,626
Wait,
you bribed the principal?
541
00:19:41,627 --> 00:19:43,209
Uh...
542
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:44,793
Yes, but who cares?
543
00:19:44,794 --> 00:19:45,959
Your Gala's
gonna be a success.
544
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,668
Don't give in.
You fight against this town.
545
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:49,126
Don't be seduced by it.
546
00:19:49,127 --> 00:19:50,959
No, let it pour you a Scotch
and rub your feet.
547
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,459
Come on, Katie,
I know you're in there.
548
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:54,001
I'm feeling
a little peckish.
549
00:19:54,002 --> 00:19:55,543
Do you guys have, like,
a charcuterie plate
550
00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:57,334
or some Marcona almonds?
551
00:19:57,335 --> 00:19:59,126
Oh, my God.
552
00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:00,334
Your dad's right.
553
00:20:00,335 --> 00:20:01,751
Wait. No, he's not.
554
00:20:01,752 --> 00:20:02,834
Robot.
555
00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:08,126
Sorry, Oliver.
556
00:20:08,127 --> 00:20:09,544
I did a bad thing.
557
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,834
And you.
558
00:20:12,835 --> 00:20:15,584
What you did at school
was awful,
559
00:20:15,585 --> 00:20:17,084
and you need
to be punished.
560
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:19,334
You're grounded.
561
00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:22,793
Uh, "grounded" is when
you're forced to stay at home
562
00:20:22,794 --> 00:20:24,876
and lose
all of your privileges.
563
00:20:24,877 --> 00:20:26,293
Mm-hmm.
Stay home?
564
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:28,001
Great. Guess I get to work
on my bowling
565
00:20:28,002 --> 00:20:29,209
and play with my zebra.
566
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,709
No, you are staying
at our house.
567
00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:32,669
So I get to stay here?
568
00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:35,501
Bueno.
569
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:36,834
Before I die,
570
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,584
I'm gonna make you sad.
571
00:20:48,127 --> 00:20:51,293
So, Mrs. Bradford, everything
with the school is fine.
572
00:20:51,294 --> 00:20:54,876
I managed to make sure that
Cooper did not get kicked out.
573
00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:58,293
But I did ground him.
574
00:20:58,294 --> 00:21:00,459
"Grounding"
is when somebody takes away
575
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,793
{\an8}somebody's privileges.
576
00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:05,043
{\an8}Okay... well...
577
00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:06,793
{\an8}then we'll see you
at the Gala, then.
578
00:21:06,794 --> 00:21:08,293
{\an8}Bye.
579
00:21:08,294 --> 00:21:10,834
{\an8}I actually feel sorry
for the kid.
580
00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:12,709
{\an8}I had no idea
you could wash your own car.
581
00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:13,918
{\an8}This is a first for me.
582
00:21:13,919 --> 00:21:15,293
{\an8}Yeah, washing our cars
583
00:21:15,294 --> 00:21:17,084
{\an8}is a first
for the Otto family, too.
584
00:21:17,085 --> 00:21:19,251
{\an8}I guess this is why Bentley
comes in wet sometimes.
585
00:21:19,252 --> 00:21:20,918
{\an8}Feeling passed.
586
00:21:20,919 --> 00:21:22,252
{\an8}Yeah.
42594
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