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1
00:00:04,025 --> 00:00:05,191
What are you making?
2
00:00:05,192 --> 00:00:06,607
Mashed cauliflower
for my mom.
3
00:00:06,608 --> 00:00:07,857
She has dietary
restrictions.
4
00:00:07,858 --> 00:00:10,191
Yes, I know.
She has an angry bowel.
5
00:00:10,192 --> 00:00:11,524
It's irritable.
6
00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:13,649
Like your parents coming
for Thanksgiving makes me.
7
00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:15,232
For the next six hours,
I need you to be
8
00:00:15,233 --> 00:00:16,649
courteous, kind,
and respectful.
9
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:17,774
That's not fair.
10
00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:20,899
That's like me asking you
to catch a football.
11
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:24,066
...Jackson--
a perfectly thrown ball--
12
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,357
Hey! I was just about
to look up at that.
13
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:28,982
What are you doing?
14
00:00:28,983 --> 00:00:30,482
Making it look
dusty and unused.
15
00:00:30,483 --> 00:00:31,941
My parents are coming,
and I was raised--
16
00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:33,982
Without a TV.
Without a TV.
17
00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:36,191
Just because you grew up with
the worst life imaginable--
18
00:00:36,192 --> 00:00:37,274
I had books.
19
00:00:37,275 --> 00:00:38,899
We're saying
the same thing--
20
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:41,441
doesn't mean we should suffer
every time they visit.
21
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,107
I don't want my dad to think
we're slaves to technology.
22
00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:45,942
Oh, my God.
23
00:00:47,442 --> 00:00:48,274
Hey, give it back!
24
00:00:48,275 --> 00:00:49,357
Not happening.
25
00:00:49,358 --> 00:00:51,566
Dad, we all just watched
that show
26
00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:52,857
about
the Menendez Brothers.
27
00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:54,482
Let's think about this.
28
00:00:54,483 --> 00:00:56,566
You'll get them back
when my parents have left.
29
00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,732
Until then, why not communicate
the old-fashioned way--
30
00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:00,649
using words and eye contact.
31
00:01:00,650 --> 00:01:03,483
Red-faced angry emoji.
32
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,441
Guess who's ready
for the holidays.
33
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,691
Hans Gruber can't be here
right now.
34
00:01:11,692 --> 00:01:13,816
Why?
35
00:01:13,817 --> 00:01:16,107
Because my dad can't find out
we have a pet pig.
Why?
36
00:01:16,108 --> 00:01:17,732
Because he wouldn't
approve.
Why?
37
00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:19,566
Because Grandpa doesn't
like cute things.
38
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,107
Why?
Because I'm cute,
39
00:01:21,108 --> 00:01:22,482
and he didn't approve
when Daddy married me.
40
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,274
That's not true.
41
00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:24,357
Why?
42
00:01:24,358 --> 00:01:25,691
Because I was
beneath Daddy.
43
00:01:25,692 --> 00:01:27,024
You mean like the time
44
00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:27,900
I opened your door
without knocking?
45
00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:32,524
You, take Hans Gruber upstairs
and hide him in your room.
46
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:34,899
And you, take your hair
out of that ponytail
47
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,024
and make it look
more festive.
48
00:01:36,025 --> 00:01:37,357
Want to give me
styling tips?
49
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,817
Yes, use a curling iron
to give it a light bounce.
50
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,816
And you-- Actually,
you're dressed appropriately
51
00:01:42,817 --> 00:01:44,232
and you're involved in ballet,
something cultural.
52
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:45,232
I have no notes for you.
53
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:46,441
I'm the man.
54
00:01:46,442 --> 00:01:47,649
Actually, I do have
a note for you.
55
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,483
Be 30% less Oliver.
56
00:01:51,692 --> 00:01:54,274
You get so uptight
when your parents visit.
57
00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:56,482
And you get uptight when
it's your mom's year to
come for Thanksgiving.
58
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,149
That's because she's crazy,
and that makes me crazy.
59
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:01,482
But you don't see me
turning myself inside out
60
00:02:01,483 --> 00:02:02,691
trying to please her.
61
00:02:02,692 --> 00:02:04,399
No, you just yell at her
in front of company
62
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,482
and make everyone
uncomfortable.
63
00:02:05,483 --> 00:02:08,316
I do that. Yeah.
64
00:02:08,317 --> 00:02:09,357
It's different for me.
65
00:02:09,358 --> 00:02:10,482
You have brothers
and sisters.
66
00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:11,607
I'm an only child.
67
00:02:11,608 --> 00:02:13,732
All the attention
falls on me.
68
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,274
I have to make him proud.
69
00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:16,732
When are you going
to stop trying
70
00:02:16,733 --> 00:02:18,024
to get your dad's approval?
71
00:02:18,025 --> 00:02:20,566
Right after this visit,
when I finally get it.
72
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,149
I sent him an early copy
of my book--
73
00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:23,399
"John Stuart Mill
and the Consequences
74
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,316
of a Thoroughgoing
Empiricist Outlook."
75
00:02:25,317 --> 00:02:27,607
JSM is his favorite
utilitarian philosopher.
76
00:02:27,608 --> 00:02:30,858
Did you trade JSM's rookie card
for a...
77
00:02:33,025 --> 00:02:35,774
If I knew another philosopher,
I would've totally landed that.
78
00:02:35,775 --> 00:02:37,774
I just need you
to get on board.
79
00:02:37,775 --> 00:02:39,274
Fine.
80
00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:40,941
But afterwards,
you're gonna owe me.
81
00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:43,191
I want you do that special thing
you know I like.
82
00:02:43,192 --> 00:02:44,566
Tell the kids
you're out for the night
83
00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,107
when, really,
you're just locked in our room
84
00:02:46,108 --> 00:02:47,357
with a coffee cup full
of chocolate chips,
85
00:02:47,358 --> 00:02:48,857
watching
"Beachfront Bargain Hunt?"
86
00:02:48,858 --> 00:02:50,649
Sounds so hot
when you say it.
87
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,941
{\an8}Busted.
88
00:03:05,025 --> 00:03:06,649
{\an8}I need to get my phone back,
89
00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:08,857
{\an8}but I can't figure out
the combination on the lock.
90
00:03:08,858 --> 00:03:10,732
{\an8}Why do you need your phone
so bad?
91
00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,732
{\an8}Eyo texted, "I love you."
92
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:13,607
And...?
93
00:03:13,608 --> 00:03:15,191
{\an8}He said, "I love you,"
94
00:03:15,192 --> 00:03:16,899
{\an8}and that's the first time
he's ever said that.
95
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:17,816
{\an8}And before I could
text him back,
96
00:03:17,817 --> 00:03:19,024
{\an8}Dad took my phone away.
97
00:03:19,025 --> 00:03:20,482
{\an8}Wow.
98
00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:22,482
{\an8}He's got to be thinking
you're totally icing him out.
99
00:03:22,483 --> 00:03:23,316
I know!
100
00:03:23,317 --> 00:03:24,649
{\an8}Okay, listen.
101
00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:26,191
{\an8}The sooner
Grandma and Grandpa leave,
102
00:03:26,192 --> 00:03:27,649
the sooner you'll get
your phone back.
103
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:29,024
{\an8}Right.
104
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:31,482
{\an8}This Thanksgiving has
to move fast.
105
00:03:31,483 --> 00:03:34,107
{\an8}Wait.
106
00:03:34,108 --> 00:03:35,774
{\an8}Ugh!
107
00:03:35,775 --> 00:03:38,274
{\an8}I thought it might be Mom's
two favorite "Bachelor" seasons.
108
00:03:38,275 --> 00:03:40,107
13, 21.
13, 21.
109
00:03:43,442 --> 00:03:45,107
{\an8}Oh, I love that outfit.
110
00:03:45,108 --> 00:03:46,149
{\an8}This one?
111
00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:47,399
{\an8}The one you laid out
on the bed for me
112
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,941
{\an8}with a note that says,
"Please wear it.
113
00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:50,066
My mommy and daddy
are coming?"
114
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,566
{\an8}You added that last part.
115
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:53,107
{\an8}You promised me
you'd be on board.
116
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,107
{\an8}Fine! I'm on board.
117
00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:56,191
{\an8}But parents or no parents,
118
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:57,857
{\an8}this button is
getting unbuttoned
119
00:03:57,858 --> 00:03:59,482
{\an8}20 minutes after
pumpkin pie.
120
00:03:59,483 --> 00:04:01,399
{\an8}Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
121
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,941
My parents are almost here,
and I said no electronics.
122
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,899
This is an assignment
for school.
123
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:07,482
I have to do a short film about
my family's Thanksgiving.
124
00:04:07,483 --> 00:04:09,649
Okay, but when
you use your camera
125
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,774
around Grandma and Grandpa,
126
00:04:10,775 --> 00:04:12,649
make sure you call it
a "documentary."
127
00:04:13,358 --> 00:04:14,649
They're here.
128
00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:16,399
They're here!
They're here!
129
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,774
Everyone, look good.
Have a mint.
130
00:04:19,775 --> 00:04:21,566
Oh!
131
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,317
There's no time to pick them up.
Just kick them in the vent!
132
00:04:27,775 --> 00:04:29,524
Spencer?
133
00:04:29,525 --> 00:04:31,482
Happy Thanksgiving.
134
00:04:31,483 --> 00:04:32,857
You invited an ex-con
to our Thanksgiving?
135
00:04:32,858 --> 00:04:34,149
Yeah, he's all alone,
136
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,732
and I wanted him to feel
like family--
137
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,191
family you leave money to.
138
00:04:38,192 --> 00:04:39,482
What kind of person
befriends someone
139
00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:40,649
just to get
in their will?
140
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:42,066
The kind who might not
take care of his father
141
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,192
if he keeps up
the judgment.
142
00:04:44,275 --> 00:04:45,982
This is for you--
143
00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:48,441
a rare Bordeaux
I bought at auction.
144
00:04:48,442 --> 00:04:49,732
Do you have a decanter?
145
00:04:49,733 --> 00:04:52,232
I have a sun-tea jar.
146
00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:55,316
That's what they call decanters
in Florida.
147
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:56,732
I hear beeping.
Who's holding?
148
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,357
Taylor.
It's not me.
149
00:04:58,358 --> 00:04:59,482
Oops. Sorry.
150
00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,482
I-- I guess
if I go past there,
151
00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:03,900
my ankle monitor's out of range
of my house.
152
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,899
I don't want
my parole officer
153
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,191
busting up
your Thanksgiving party.
154
00:05:10,192 --> 00:05:13,066
Pearl's fun at first,
but she wears on you.
155
00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:15,232
So sorry you can't stay.
Nonsense.
156
00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:16,899
I'll go get the card table
and set it up right here.
157
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,482
It's them.
158
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:19,857
Anna-Kat, stop eating mints
off the floor!
159
00:05:19,858 --> 00:05:21,192
I'll get it.
No, that's okay.
160
00:05:22,692 --> 00:05:24,774
Ah, happy Thanksgiving.
161
00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:26,357
Spencer Blitz.
162
00:05:26,358 --> 00:05:29,149
You're that investment banker
that they locked up.
163
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:30,316
That's me.
164
00:05:30,317 --> 00:05:31,649
And now
I'm your son's doorman
165
00:05:31,650 --> 00:05:33,982
who's never allowed to play
the market again.
166
00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:36,107
Empire Energy's
about to make a run.
167
00:05:36,108 --> 00:05:38,482
May I take your coat?
168
00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,232
Oh!
Hi, honey!
169
00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:41,857
Hi, Mom.
170
00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:43,357
Hi, Dad.
171
00:05:43,358 --> 00:05:45,607
Any other criminal friends
coming for dinner?
172
00:05:45,608 --> 00:05:46,982
Oh, no.
173
00:05:46,983 --> 00:05:48,941
Spencer's not my friend.
He's Oliver's friend.
174
00:05:48,942 --> 00:05:51,024
Oh, a boy and his felon.
175
00:05:51,025 --> 00:05:52,399
Warms the heart.
176
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,232
Happy Thanksgiving!
177
00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:55,899
Katie!
178
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,566
There is the woman that my son
insisted on marrying.
179
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,607
You.
180
00:06:01,608 --> 00:06:03,107
Anna-Kat:
Grandma, grandpa!
181
00:06:03,108 --> 00:06:04,317
Oh!
182
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,441
Thank you.
That was perfectly handled.
183
00:06:08,442 --> 00:06:09,649
My secret is, I make a fist
184
00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:10,982
and dig my fingernails
into my hand.
185
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:12,232
See?
186
00:06:12,233 --> 00:06:13,482
Is that blood?
187
00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:15,691
Yeah.
188
00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:17,274
All right, everyone's here!
189
00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,691
Let's all go
to the dinner table.
190
00:06:18,692 --> 00:06:21,316
The turkey still has
two more hours to cook.
191
00:06:21,317 --> 00:06:23,732
I say screw the turkey
and let's get on with it!
192
00:06:26,275 --> 00:06:28,149
Nice try speeding up
Thanksgiving.
193
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:31,149
Wait, what's that sound?
194
00:06:31,150 --> 00:06:32,816
It's Eyo weeping
as he checks his phone
195
00:06:32,817 --> 00:06:34,524
for a text
that never comes.
196
00:06:37,483 --> 00:06:38,857
Sorry about the card table,
197
00:06:38,858 --> 00:06:40,649
but it must be better
than your last Thanksgiving
198
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:41,941
in federal prison.
199
00:06:41,942 --> 00:06:44,399
Oh, Guy Fieri was
our guest chef.
200
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,316
Too spicy. Terrible!
201
00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:48,191
I've got sweatshirts
for everyone
202
00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:49,607
from Oxford University!
203
00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,607
He teaches there
in the summers.
204
00:06:51,608 --> 00:06:53,357
It's very prestigious.
205
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:56,607
Yes, my job is prestigious,
but, um...
206
00:06:56,608 --> 00:06:59,316
it's not the only thing that
I'm proud of in my life.
207
00:06:59,317 --> 00:07:00,774
Greg?
208
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,816
Tell 'em about the time that
I smoked Tony Blair at Scrabble.
209
00:07:05,817 --> 00:07:07,149
You just did, Dad.
210
00:07:07,150 --> 00:07:09,399
Greg is
impressive, too.
211
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,274
You should see
the velvet-y professor thing
212
00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:14,107
he gets to wear around his neck
at every graduation ceremony.
213
00:07:14,108 --> 00:07:15,982
It's like he teaches
at Hogwarts!
214
00:07:15,983 --> 00:07:17,482
I'm good, honey.
Thank you.
215
00:07:18,858 --> 00:07:20,232
I'll get it.
216
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,857
Who is that?
We're not expecting anyone else.
217
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:24,982
Well, hello!
218
00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:26,857
Hello, everyone.
219
00:07:26,858 --> 00:07:28,399
Mom?!
220
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,524
You didn't tell me
the stiffs were coming.
221
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:31,941
I didn't tell you
222
00:07:31,942 --> 00:07:32,941
because you're not supposed
to be here.
223
00:07:32,942 --> 00:07:34,399
You're supposed to be
at Steph's.
224
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,232
Well, your sister got caught up
in that travel ban,
225
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:37,857
and now she's stuck
in Turkey.
226
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,607
And it didn't occur to you
to call or give me a heads-up?
227
00:07:40,608 --> 00:07:42,482
What, so that you could come up
with some dumb excuse
228
00:07:42,483 --> 00:07:43,482
for why I couldn't come?
229
00:07:43,483 --> 00:07:44,566
Absolutely not.
230
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:46,316
I can still make
an excuse.
231
00:07:46,317 --> 00:07:48,524
Oven's broken.
House is being fumigated.
232
00:07:48,525 --> 00:07:51,399
Uh... stay away from me.
You drive me [bleep] crazy.
233
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,191
You know, I haven't been here
for 20 seconds,
234
00:07:53,192 --> 00:07:55,066
and you are already
on my ass.
235
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:57,482
Lucky for you
I'm in a good mood.
236
00:07:57,483 --> 00:07:58,942
I had two road pinots.
237
00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:01,858
Katie, can I talk to you
for a minute?
238
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,233
In private?
239
00:08:07,358 --> 00:08:09,274
Do you know how to make
a whiskey sour?
240
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:13,566
I can't believe your mom
crashed Thanksgiving.
241
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:14,732
She doesn't even
think to call!
242
00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:16,482
It's bad enough we have
an ex-con in the house.
243
00:08:16,483 --> 00:08:18,232
Now we'll have your
soon-to-be-tipsy mom
244
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:19,941
telling my parents
dumb stewardess stories
245
00:08:19,942 --> 00:08:22,066
about how she had a layover
with James Caan.
246
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:23,274
She always stresses
the "lay."
247
00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:25,691
You're saying that as though
old Snooty and Tooty
248
00:08:25,692 --> 00:08:26,607
are too good for my mother.
249
00:08:26,608 --> 00:08:28,024
Oh, come on, Katie.
250
00:08:28,025 --> 00:08:30,107
My dad is a three-time
National Dickens Scholar.
251
00:08:30,108 --> 00:08:33,607
James Caan was
in "The Godfather I" and "II."
252
00:08:33,608 --> 00:08:34,566
What's your point?
253
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,066
My point is that
I would listen
254
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,524
to my mom's stories
till the end of time
255
00:08:37,525 --> 00:08:39,691
if it meant never having to hear
your father go on
256
00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:40,732
about his favorite author.
257
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:42,274
What's his name again?
Scrotum?
258
00:08:42,275 --> 00:08:43,149
Balzac.
259
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,149
I knew I was close.
260
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,566
My parent is
a world-famous scholar.
261
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,316
Yours is
a world-traveling tramp.
262
00:08:48,317 --> 00:08:50,441
That's it!
I'm off board!
263
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:53,524
I am going upstairs to change
into my buffet pants!
264
00:09:00,525 --> 00:09:02,399
I'm going to be getting some
slice-of-life footage.
265
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,941
Pretend I'm not here...
266
00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:06,024
unless you're giving out
doughnut holes.
267
00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:07,982
Then I would like
to be recognized.
268
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:10,441
Read anything interesting
lately?
269
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,066
Oh, funny
you should ask. Yes.
270
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:15,441
I just re-read
my old dissertation,
271
00:09:15,442 --> 00:09:17,316
and you can tell,
from even a young age,
272
00:09:17,317 --> 00:09:19,024
I was something special.
273
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,357
This is what you're wearing?
Jeans?
274
00:09:24,358 --> 00:09:25,982
Yeah.
275
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,441
And if you say
anything more about it,
276
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,232
I'm losing the bra,
and then all hell breaks loose.
277
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:31,232
We had an agreement.
278
00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:34,857
Greg, can I speak to you
one second in private?
279
00:09:34,858 --> 00:09:37,607
Okay, the appetizers
are done.
280
00:09:37,608 --> 00:09:40,316
If I turn the oven to 600,
will the turkey cook faster?
281
00:09:40,317 --> 00:09:42,357
It doesn't work that way.
Grease would catch fire.
282
00:09:42,358 --> 00:09:43,524
The whole house
would burn down.
283
00:09:43,525 --> 00:09:45,316
I'll be right back.
284
00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:47,316
Anna-Kat,
give us a moment.
285
00:09:47,317 --> 00:09:50,107
Your, uh... sister's
worried about a boy.
286
00:09:50,108 --> 00:09:51,441
How do you know that?
287
00:09:51,442 --> 00:09:53,732
Well, I spent my life
learning how to read people.
288
00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:55,566
It's how I became
successful in business
289
00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:58,149
and how I knew where the warden
hid the flag
290
00:09:58,150 --> 00:09:59,566
when it was
prisoners versus guards
291
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,274
on Spirit Day.
292
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:02,899
That sounds great.
293
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:05,816
If I ever go to federal prison,
I'm using you as a reference.
294
00:10:05,817 --> 00:10:07,732
I also see tension between
your grandparents.
295
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,607
Notice they're only
holding hands
296
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,024
by the fingertips.
297
00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:13,774
You're wrong about
that one.
298
00:10:13,775 --> 00:10:16,191
My grandparents have always been
the perfect couple.
299
00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:17,816
Trust me.
300
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,524
People often
put on an act
301
00:10:19,525 --> 00:10:22,442
when they're hiding
their true intentions.
302
00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:26,649
I hear you have
good wine.
303
00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:28,732
Oh, the best!
304
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,941
It's from Thomas Jefferson's
personal collection.
305
00:10:30,942 --> 00:10:32,524
One of only
three bottles left.
306
00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:37,899
With age
comes perfection.
307
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,316
And wisdom.
308
00:10:39,317 --> 00:10:41,191
Goodbye.
309
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:44,066
She is so into me!
310
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:46,232
Whether it's arrogance
or senility,
311
00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:47,983
you wear it well,
my friend.
312
00:10:51,358 --> 00:10:53,482
I don't like
how he treats you.
313
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:55,816
Just admit that he is a cold,
withholding jerk,
314
00:10:55,817 --> 00:10:57,274
and I'll get back
on board.
315
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:59,899
My father is a great man.
If he is so great,
316
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,691
then why hasn't he said anything
about your book?
317
00:11:02,692 --> 00:11:04,607
I'm sure there's
a simple explanation.
Okay.
318
00:11:04,608 --> 00:11:06,899
He doesn't have e-mail,
so I sent him a copy.
Mm-hmm.
319
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:07,982
The package was too big
for the slot,
320
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:09,149
so they hid it
behind the ficus.
321
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:10,482
That's not
a great hiding place.
322
00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:12,816
Someone could have taken it--
an animal, perhaps.
323
00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:13,982
Did you know
that squirrels
324
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,816
can carry up to ten times
their own body weight?
325
00:11:15,817 --> 00:11:17,441
No, I didn't know that.
326
00:11:17,442 --> 00:11:19,399
But what I do know is
I'm gonna go out there
327
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,191
and get plastered
with my tramp mom,
328
00:11:21,192 --> 00:11:23,483
provided she is not abducted
by squirrels.
329
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:27,066
And then
Jimmy Caan said,
330
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:29,941
"That was one hell
of a lay over!"
331
00:11:29,942 --> 00:11:31,982
Tell the part where your leg
slipped in the toilet,
332
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,274
and you had to do dinner service
with a blue foot.
333
00:11:34,275 --> 00:11:36,357
No, that's okay.
Let's go talk to Oliver.
334
00:11:36,358 --> 00:11:37,191
He's involved in ballet.
335
00:11:37,192 --> 00:11:39,025
Yes. Let's.
336
00:11:41,817 --> 00:11:44,066
It's so fun
shocking them.
337
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,066
You know, I haven't even
broken the seal yet
338
00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:48,441
about the bi-curious
stories yet.
339
00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:49,774
Look at us.
340
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,899
We're finally
getting along!
341
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,482
Yeah, well...
our tightest bond
342
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,399
has always been
in the criticism of others.
343
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,066
Oh, they are,
without a doubt--
344
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:01,274
Anna-Kat, Mama is
gonna say words she uses
345
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:02,524
when she's behind
346
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:04,149
someone writing a check
at the grocery store.
347
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,233
Could you film
your grandparents instead?
348
00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:10,399
And Harvard's always looking
for male ballerinos.
349
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,899
That's my ticket in.
350
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:14,607
What complex
machinations.
351
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,982
Oh, wait, wait.
Something's brewing.
352
00:12:17,983 --> 00:12:21,024
"Complexinations!"
Well, hello, new word.
353
00:12:21,025 --> 00:12:23,899
Welcome to the world.
354
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:26,024
There's actually quite
a few cultural things happening
355
00:12:26,025 --> 00:12:28,149
in this house--
dancing...
356
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:29,316
writing.
357
00:12:29,317 --> 00:12:30,317
Right.
358
00:12:33,525 --> 00:12:35,357
Oh, enough already.
359
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:37,816
Thomas, have you read
Greg's damn book?
360
00:12:37,817 --> 00:12:39,357
Uh...
361
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:40,399
yes.
362
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,650
Thank you.
363
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:48,899
Anything to add?
364
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:54,316
You're welcome.
365
00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:56,149
Well, great.
366
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,025
I was worried you had
a squirrel problem.
367
00:13:03,025 --> 00:13:04,274
And Greg's father,
that pompous jerk,
368
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:06,232
just sat there
and didn't say anything.
369
00:13:06,233 --> 00:13:08,857
That's when I snuck out
and gave you guys the 911 text.
370
00:13:08,858 --> 00:13:10,357
Oh, well,
I'm glad you did.
371
00:13:10,358 --> 00:13:12,024
I'm happy to get away
from my family.
372
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,399
I told them I was spotting
and had to lie down.
373
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,232
No one questions you after
you drop the word "spotting."
374
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,441
Hm.
375
00:13:18,442 --> 00:13:19,982
Here's a twist.
376
00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:22,566
I'm getting along with my mom,
but I'm mad at Greg
377
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,107
and super-mad at the way
his father treats him.
378
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,941
So I'm both pissed at
and protective of Greg.
379
00:13:26,942 --> 00:13:29,191
I'm very conflicted.
380
00:13:29,192 --> 00:13:30,649
Do you want to come back with me
for moral support?
381
00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:32,232
Can't. I'm spotting.
382
00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:33,316
Me too.
383
00:13:35,192 --> 00:13:36,357
Back from the soup kitchen.
384
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:37,524
What soup kitchen?
385
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,066
The one in here, honey.
386
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,607
Okay.
So just nonsense. Right.
387
00:13:41,608 --> 00:13:43,524
Okay! Mom is home!
388
00:13:43,525 --> 00:13:46,107
I would like to invite everybody
to the dinner table.
389
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:48,691
You're serving starches?
They make me bloat.
390
00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:50,232
I can take a Zantac,
but we'll have to wait for--
391
00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:52,274
Let's just move
to the damn table already!
392
00:13:52,275 --> 00:13:54,566
Come on. Ha!
393
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,775
All right.
394
00:13:58,942 --> 00:14:00,774
I'm really starting
to like you.
395
00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:02,107
Thanks, Grandma.
Yeah.
396
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,566
Taylor, what in the world
is going on with you?
397
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:05,649
Dad took my phone.
398
00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:06,857
So...?
399
00:14:06,858 --> 00:14:08,816
Eyo texted
"Happy Thanksgiving."
400
00:14:08,817 --> 00:14:10,441
And then he wrote,
"I love you."
401
00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:11,899
L-U-V?
402
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,274
L-O-V-E.
403
00:14:13,275 --> 00:14:14,608
Damn!
404
00:14:16,858 --> 00:14:19,274
I think Spencer's on to me about
befriending him for his money.
405
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,649
Can you tell
when I'm lying?
406
00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:22,149
I'm not sure.
407
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:23,441
I really like
your sweater.
408
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:24,691
Thank you.
409
00:14:24,692 --> 00:14:25,399
Okay, good.
You can't tell.
410
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,649
Very nice.
411
00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:27,732
Now, go get your sister
for dinner.
412
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,024
She's in her room
editing her movie.
413
00:14:30,025 --> 00:14:31,316
Were you going to write back,
"I love you too?"
414
00:14:31,317 --> 00:14:32,274
I guess so.
415
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:33,482
Well, do you love him?
416
00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:34,732
I don't know.
417
00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:36,191
Then why would you tell him
you do?
418
00:14:36,192 --> 00:14:37,732
It's just texting.
419
00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:39,191
No one expects you
to be fully honest.
420
00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:42,024
Oh, I think I'm gonna
like texting!
421
00:14:42,025 --> 00:14:44,149
Taylor, back when
I was a stewardess,
422
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,024
guys used to throw
the word "love" at me
423
00:14:46,025 --> 00:14:48,691
as freely as they would
throw Quaaludes.
424
00:14:48,692 --> 00:14:51,816
But you have to make sure
the love is real.
425
00:14:51,817 --> 00:14:54,399
Or else you can wake up
in a motel room in Akron
426
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,566
without a ride
to the airport.
427
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:57,982
I probably still
have 'ludes
428
00:14:57,983 --> 00:14:59,899
caught between
my couch cushions.
429
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,774
You're starting
to grow on me.
430
00:15:02,775 --> 00:15:03,982
Don't worry about
your phone.
431
00:15:03,983 --> 00:15:05,816
Go over to Eyo's now
and talk to him.
432
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,482
You need to do this
face-to-face,
433
00:15:07,483 --> 00:15:09,191
see if it's real.
434
00:15:09,192 --> 00:15:10,108
Thanks, Mom.
435
00:15:13,192 --> 00:15:15,607
I finished my film.
We have to watch it now.
436
00:15:15,608 --> 00:15:16,982
Why can't we watch it
after dinner?
437
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,191
Because after dinner,
438
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,857
you start flashing the lights
on and off,
439
00:15:19,858 --> 00:15:21,399
singing the song
"Closing Time."
440
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,900
I can't believe it still works.
We haven't used it in so long.
441
00:15:30,983 --> 00:15:35,441
And, yes, there will be a brief
Q&A after the screening.
442
00:15:37,983 --> 00:15:40,232
Thanksgiving means doing
a lot of extra work
443
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,399
for a woman who refuses
to eat my food
444
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,567
and a man who insults
my husband.
445
00:15:46,358 --> 00:15:47,941
Okay, very funny.
446
00:15:47,942 --> 00:15:50,566
Anna-Kat,
make sure you erase that.
447
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:53,149
Truth is, I've had
all the money in the world,
448
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:55,274
but Thanksgiving's always been
449
00:15:55,275 --> 00:15:58,066
a bit of a lonely holiday
for me,
450
00:15:58,067 --> 00:15:59,524
because I've--
451
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,357
Well, I never made time
for family.
452
00:16:02,358 --> 00:16:04,357
But I'm thankful
to my new friend
453
00:16:04,358 --> 00:16:06,732
who has...
454
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,316
become my family.
455
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:20,232
Looks like your plan
is working.
456
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:22,982
Yeah.
457
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:32,982
Thanksgiving!
458
00:16:32,983 --> 00:16:35,274
How's tenure coming?
Oh, I think I'm on-track
459
00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:36,732
to make it in the next
couple of years.
460
00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:40,232
Oh, I made tenure at 28.
Hon, was it 28 or 29?
461
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,191
I jest.
We both know it was 28.
462
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,942
Honey!
Walk me to the powder room.
463
00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:05,107
Why are you always such an ass
to Greg?
464
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,691
I'm just giving him something
to live up to.
465
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,566
Oh!
Like you're so great.
466
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:13,024
We have to turn this off.
Now. Here.
467
00:17:13,025 --> 00:17:13,982
Off!
468
00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:15,191
Um, Grandpa,
469
00:17:15,192 --> 00:17:18,982
that's a toy cellphone filled
with jellybeans.
470
00:17:18,983 --> 00:17:20,691
Say what you will
about Greg.
471
00:17:20,692 --> 00:17:24,107
He hasn't been hiding
a second family
472
00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:26,982
in England
for the last 20 years.
473
00:17:29,442 --> 00:17:31,316
He doesn't even go
to England.
474
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,942
That's not a fair
comparison.
475
00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:46,107
♪ Closing time ♪
476
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,982
Wait, you have
a second family?
477
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,982
How long have you known
about this?
478
00:17:50,983 --> 00:17:53,482
Three months ago,
his son called.
479
00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:54,982
Your genius father
480
00:17:54,983 --> 00:17:57,482
left his secret cellphone
in his nightstand.
481
00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,316
You have a son?
482
00:17:59,317 --> 00:18:00,191
I have a brother?
483
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:01,274
Greg.
484
00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:02,357
I'm not talking to you.
485
00:18:02,358 --> 00:18:04,692
No, my other son is
also named Greg.
486
00:18:05,775 --> 00:18:06,982
Greg?!
487
00:18:06,983 --> 00:18:08,191
Why would you
name him Greg?!
488
00:18:08,192 --> 00:18:10,316
You already have a son
named Greg!
489
00:18:10,317 --> 00:18:13,900
So I wouldn't make a mistake
and call you by the wrong name!
490
00:18:15,483 --> 00:18:16,649
Makes perfect sense!
491
00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:19,357
Shut up, just...
492
00:18:19,358 --> 00:18:21,941
shut up.
493
00:18:21,942 --> 00:18:23,482
You know,
every time you visit,
494
00:18:23,483 --> 00:18:26,191
I put Katie and the kids through
hell just to impress you.
495
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,024
We put on this charade.
496
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,149
The funny thing is,
you're the one
497
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,816
who's been putting on
the charade.
498
00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:32,774
But now I see the real you.
499
00:18:32,775 --> 00:18:34,691
Well, Dad...
500
00:18:34,692 --> 00:18:36,232
this is the real me.
501
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:37,857
We watch TV.
502
00:18:37,858 --> 00:18:39,649
Like, a lot of TV!
503
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:41,441
We watch all of
"The Bachelors"--
504
00:18:41,442 --> 00:18:44,274
"Bachelorette," "Bachelor Pad,"
and even "Bachelor in Paradise."
505
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:46,899
My kids love
their cellphones.
506
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,316
Taylor already has arthritis
in her right thumb.
507
00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:51,525
Oh, and you're going to be
so disappointed in this!
508
00:18:58,275 --> 00:19:00,817
Do you know how to make
a whiskey sour?
509
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,482
Eyo and I broke up.
510
00:19:05,442 --> 00:19:06,566
What?
511
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,274
This is our family pet--
512
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,107
a filthy,
garbage-eating pig.
513
00:19:14,108 --> 00:19:16,566
My whole life,
I've looked up to you.
514
00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:19,357
In my eyes,
you couldn't do anything wrong.
515
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:22,816
In your eyes,
I couldn't do anything right.
516
00:19:22,817 --> 00:19:26,232
Well, it turns out,
I did everything right!
517
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,149
I've got sometimes-great kids
518
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:30,982
and an
intermittently-great wife!
519
00:19:30,983 --> 00:19:33,774
I had planned on telling you
about Greg, Greg.
520
00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:35,441
I'm not done.
521
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,482
I could give a rat's ass
if you like my book or not.
522
00:19:37,483 --> 00:19:38,691
I like it!
523
00:19:38,692 --> 00:19:39,941
And it's damn good!
524
00:19:39,942 --> 00:19:40,941
Okay.
525
00:19:40,942 --> 00:19:42,691
Okay, you've had
your little say.
526
00:19:42,692 --> 00:19:45,107
All right.
We are getting out of here.
527
00:19:45,108 --> 00:19:47,316
Nobody speaks to me
like this.
528
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,441
Hey, Thomas.
529
00:19:49,442 --> 00:19:50,899
Here's a new word
for you--
530
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,774
"ska-douche!"
531
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,107
That's the sound
the door makes
532
00:19:54,108 --> 00:19:55,733
when you kick a douche
out of the house!
533
00:19:59,358 --> 00:20:01,441
You will always be
my favorite, Greg!
534
00:20:01,442 --> 00:20:03,191
Because the other one
isn't my son,
535
00:20:03,192 --> 00:20:05,192
and he has a whore
for a mother.
536
00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:13,941
I feel...
like I missed something.
537
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:16,399
Little bit.
538
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,274
You okay?
539
00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:23,857
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm pretty confused right now.
540
00:20:23,858 --> 00:20:26,899
Oh, honey.
541
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:29,024
The bright side
to this toilet fire is
542
00:20:29,025 --> 00:20:31,024
you're not
an only child anymore.
543
00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:33,816
Yeah, that's true!
Mm-hmm.
544
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:37,191
How does that
make you feel?
545
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,191
Anna-Kat,
you're not handing that in.
546
00:20:39,192 --> 00:20:40,858
We're just gonna take an "F"
on this one.
547
00:20:45,108 --> 00:20:46,607
Olly, boy,
I want to give you something.
548
00:20:46,608 --> 00:20:48,441
No! I don't want anything
from you.
549
00:20:48,442 --> 00:20:50,441
Having you here is
all I need.
550
00:20:50,442 --> 00:20:54,149
I wasn't giving you
a $50,000 watch, you dummy.
551
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:56,066
I just want you to take it
and have it cleaned.
552
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:58,607
Oh.
553
00:20:58,608 --> 00:21:01,274
{\an8}Appreciate the gesture.
554
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:02,816
{\an8}I had my doubts
about you, kid,
555
00:21:02,817 --> 00:21:04,817
{\an8}but it turned out
I was reading you all wrong.
556
00:21:12,858 --> 00:21:15,524
{\an8}Sweetheart,
let's head on out.
557
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,524
{\an8}Yeah, let's go and dig through
those couch cushions.
558
00:21:17,525 --> 00:21:19,232
{\an8}Ooh, yeah.
40268
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