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1
00:00:02,525 --> 00:00:04,857
The Egyptian plover
and the Nile crocodile
2
00:00:04,858 --> 00:00:09,149
are an example of a symbiotic
relationship at its finest.
3
00:00:10,650 --> 00:00:13,149
So... we're just watching TV
with the pig now.
4
00:00:13,150 --> 00:00:15,774
Is that it?
Is this my life?
5
00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:17,524
Hans Gruber
has a name, Mama.
6
00:00:17,525 --> 00:00:18,899
We don't name food
in this house.
7
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,316
We eat it.
8
00:00:20,317 --> 00:00:22,899
Mama, he doesn't understand
that you're joking.
9
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:25,024
I'm not.
I promise you, sweetie.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,774
No one is ever going
to eat Hans Gruber.
11
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:28,024
He's a member
of our family now.
12
00:00:28,025 --> 00:00:29,566
Uh, Greg, honey.
13
00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:30,816
Can you come join me
at the window?
14
00:00:30,817 --> 00:00:31,941
Why?
15
00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:34,357
So we can look out.
16
00:00:34,358 --> 00:00:36,357
Oh, at what?
I want to have
a private conversation.
17
00:00:36,358 --> 00:00:37,774
Why are you so bad
at this?
18
00:00:39,858 --> 00:00:42,482
Okay, you stay.
19
00:00:42,483 --> 00:00:44,691
You know that reoccurring
fantasy I have
20
00:00:44,692 --> 00:00:46,107
where I accidentally
get locked up
21
00:00:46,108 --> 00:00:48,191
in a mental hospital,
and I get to spend three weeks
22
00:00:48,192 --> 00:00:50,024
alone in bed
with no one bugging me?
23
00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:52,024
I'm familiar with your
psych-ward vacation plan, yes.
24
00:00:52,025 --> 00:00:54,107
Well, I'm this close
to doing it.
25
00:00:54,108 --> 00:00:56,232
How is it that we both
said "no" to a puppy,
26
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,524
yet you took it upon yourself
to bring home a pig?
27
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,316
Mama, guess what.
28
00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:02,982
Hans Gruber and I
have a symbiotic relationship.
29
00:01:02,983 --> 00:01:05,274
I give him food,
and he gives me love.
30
00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:06,607
Amazing.
31
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,024
The pig has to go.
32
00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:09,982
But we've gotten used to having
Hans Gruber around.
33
00:01:09,983 --> 00:01:12,274
This has gone on long enough.
Just fold already.
34
00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:14,024
It's only a matter of time
before he does.
35
00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:15,691
What's that supposed
to mean?
36
00:01:15,692 --> 00:01:17,649
Well, you always give in
eventually.
37
00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:20,274
Is that what everyone
in this house thinks of me--
38
00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:21,982
that I always give in?
39
00:01:21,983 --> 00:01:24,274
Well, guess what--
I'm not giving in on this one.
40
00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:25,524
Ever.
Oh, "ever."
41
00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:27,274
So, then, tomorrow?
42
00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:30,024
What the hell?
I can't get that pillow again.
43
00:01:30,025 --> 00:01:32,316
That's a one of a kind
from T.J.Maxx.
44
00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:38,816
This is me--
forced to eat my anger.
45
00:01:42,608 --> 00:01:43,732
Just give him the M&M'S.
46
00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:44,483
Never!
47
00:01:58,108 --> 00:01:59,107
{\an8}Why are you sending
48
00:01:59,108 --> 00:02:00,149
{\an8}slutty emojis to someone
49
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,232
{\an8}who isn't your nice,
50
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,232
{\an8}sweet boyfriend, Eyo?
51
00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:06,566
{\an8}Who is he?
I'm not telling you
anything.
52
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,232
{\an8}Not a problem.
I'll just FaceTime him.
53
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:09,691
Mom, give it back!
Mnh-mnh!
54
00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,066
Mom, give me back my phone!
55
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,149
{\an8}You know what? Fine.
56
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,357
{\an8}His name is John Reese,
57
00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:14,357
and he's a senior.
58
00:02:14,358 --> 00:02:16,316
{\an8}A senior?
59
00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:17,941
{\an8}If that's the best thing that
you have to say about him--
60
00:02:17,942 --> 00:02:20,066
Ah, the McRib is back.
61
00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:22,232
{\an8}I'm gonna stay
on you forever
62
00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,899
{\an8}about this, Taylor!
I'm like herpes!
63
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,149
What the hell comes out
of your mouth sometimes, Katie?
64
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:28,524
{\an8}See, Mama?
He's not expensive.
65
00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:29,899
{\an8}He eats garbage.
66
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,066
{\an8}It's every mother's dream
to have a farm animal
67
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,316
{\an8}consuming trash
in her kitchen.
68
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,357
You'll change your mind
69
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,357
once I've trained him.
70
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:40,982
{\an8}So, that's it?
71
00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:42,649
{\an8}That's your plan--
train the hog?
72
00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:43,774
{\an8}Yes. Hans Gruber
73
00:02:43,775 --> 00:02:45,524
{\an8}is an unconventional pet,
74
00:02:45,525 --> 00:02:46,649
{\an8}but Anna-Kat has really bonded
75
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:47,941
{\an8}with him, and you know what?
76
00:02:47,942 --> 00:02:49,441
{\an8}So have I.
Oh.
77
00:02:49,442 --> 00:02:52,107
{\an8}Yeah, I don't like the,
uh, hillbilly factor, obviously,
78
00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:54,275
{\an8}but I'm impressed
that you're not folding.
79
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,274
I've never seen
this side of you before.
80
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:57,899
Thank you, Oliver.
81
00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:59,691
But Mom's not gonna put up
with it much longer.
82
00:02:59,692 --> 00:03:02,107
If you two decide
to get divorced,
83
00:03:02,108 --> 00:03:04,899
I'll go with whoever
doesn't get the minivan.
84
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,732
Katie?
You're thinking about divorce?
85
00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,399
Just walk right in, Viv.
Don't worry about social norms.
86
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,982
We are not getting divorced.
87
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,649
Oh, thank God,
because, Katie,
88
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:15,774
divorce is not as good
as you think it will be.
89
00:03:15,775 --> 00:03:17,816
Even Greg might be better
than no husband.
90
00:03:17,817 --> 00:03:19,191
Thank you, Viv.
You're welcome.
91
00:03:19,192 --> 00:03:20,191
Hey.
These are for you.
92
00:03:20,192 --> 00:03:22,149
You bought me things?
93
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:24,607
I wish I could buy things.
I have very little money.
94
00:03:24,608 --> 00:03:26,982
It turns out prenups
are legally binding,
95
00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:29,899
even if you dramatically
rip it up during mediation.
96
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,816
Apparently,
they make copies.
97
00:03:32,817 --> 00:03:34,024
You and Alan had a prenup?
98
00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:35,149
We did.
99
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:37,482
I'm momentarily not as rich
as I look.
100
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:40,232
I got the house
but not a lot of actual money.
101
00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:41,191
So, I was hoping
you could teach me
102
00:03:41,192 --> 00:03:43,108
how to do laundry
like poor people do.
103
00:03:44,733 --> 00:03:47,066
Viv, I'm not gonna teach you
remedial housekeeping.
104
00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,316
Yay!
105
00:03:48,317 --> 00:03:49,899
Oh!
106
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,982
You're doing it for me!
Love it.
107
00:03:51,983 --> 00:03:53,857
Oh, do I need a ticket
or anything?
108
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,316
No.
109
00:03:55,317 --> 00:03:57,191
Okay. Bye!
110
00:03:58,608 --> 00:04:00,691
This is why having money
is important.
111
00:04:00,692 --> 00:04:03,107
Spencer Blitz
doesn't do his own laundry.
112
00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:04,067
D.C.O.B.
113
00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:07,232
"Dry clean only, baby."
114
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,857
Spencer is the type of greedy,
self-centered person
115
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,857
we don't want Oliver
becoming.
116
00:04:11,858 --> 00:04:14,525
I can't believe you're
still letting him
work for that ex-con.
117
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,524
She wants you to fold on this,
too, but don't do it, Dad.
118
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:18,691
Stay strong.
119
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,399
Hey, puberty boy.
120
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,566
Nobody asked you.
121
00:04:23,192 --> 00:04:25,232
Come on. Come on.
122
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,191
Drop it.
123
00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:28,524
Hans Gruber, you're a genius!
124
00:04:28,525 --> 00:04:29,982
Ja, schwein!
125
00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:31,774
Where you off to?
126
00:04:31,775 --> 00:04:33,274
Uh, I'm picking up dinner
127
00:04:33,275 --> 00:04:35,066
for me and Spencer
from Tavern On Main.
128
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,357
I'm really excited.
129
00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:38,024
I've never had a red lobster
from a restaurant
130
00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:39,732
that wasn't named
"Red Lobster."
131
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,857
You seem to be developing
a real friendship with Spencer.
132
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:44,524
Seems like that?
Good, then it's working.
133
00:04:44,525 --> 00:04:46,649
Soon, he'll think of me
as the son he never had,
134
00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,732
and I'll become the sole heir
to a huge fortune
135
00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:50,982
that he does have.
136
00:04:50,983 --> 00:04:52,733
All that smile's missing
is this.
137
00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:55,732
Ooh, I like that.
I'm gonna use it.
138
00:04:58,108 --> 00:05:00,983
Mama. Watch this.
139
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,649
Sit.
140
00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:08,607
Now, stay.
141
00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:14,191
Wow!
I'm impressed.
142
00:05:14,192 --> 00:05:15,358
Good work.
143
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,982
Here. Go ahead.
144
00:05:18,983 --> 00:05:20,649
Open them.
Are you sure?
145
00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:22,483
Yeah, Hans Gruber's
got this down.
146
00:05:29,025 --> 00:05:30,399
Just drop the M&M'S!
147
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,858
Never!
148
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,107
Table looks beautiful,
Oli-boy.
149
00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,691
Go ahead and light the candles,
will ya?
150
00:05:36,692 --> 00:05:38,149
Ooh, candlelight.
151
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,066
Hi, guys!
152
00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:41,399
What are you doing here?
153
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,149
Oh, I pulled my hamstring
154
00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,566
while I was out running,
and I had to stop to stretch.
155
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:48,316
I looked out the window,
and there she was--
156
00:05:48,317 --> 00:05:51,149
bent clear over,
wearing the tightest pants
157
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,899
I have ever had the pleasure
of seeing a woman wear.
158
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,482
They're called yoga pants.
159
00:05:55,483 --> 00:05:56,691
Yoga pants?
160
00:05:56,692 --> 00:05:57,816
They're very stretchy.
161
00:05:57,817 --> 00:05:59,316
Oh, you're very stretchy.
162
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:04,232
Viv, sweetheart, don't you have
some place you need to be?
163
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,941
Oliver, sweetheart,
I'm supposed to be here.
164
00:06:06,942 --> 00:06:08,732
Spencer invited me
to dinner.
165
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:10,149
That's my seat.
166
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,774
I'll just go get
the Cristal.
167
00:06:11,775 --> 00:06:13,024
Ooh, I love it!
168
00:06:15,983 --> 00:06:18,024
Viv.
169
00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,607
Oliver.
170
00:06:19,608 --> 00:06:21,232
I know exactly
what you're doing.
171
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:22,441
You need a new rich guy,
172
00:06:22,442 --> 00:06:23,899
and you think you're
gonna take mine.
173
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,066
Oh, I don't think it.
I know it.
174
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,107
Oh, yeah?
175
00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:28,982
What makes you
so sure of that?
176
00:06:28,983 --> 00:06:31,191
Because only one of us
has boobs.
177
00:06:35,608 --> 00:06:37,732
Say goodbye to Oliver!
178
00:06:37,733 --> 00:06:39,233
Bye, Oliver!
179
00:06:41,983 --> 00:06:43,649
I have to be honest,
Katie.
180
00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:45,774
I thought it would be hard
to be physically attracted
181
00:06:45,775 --> 00:06:48,774
to a 78-year-old man,
but Spencer's so wealthy.
182
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:49,649
I mean,
I'm not a gold digger.
183
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:50,941
No, you are not!
184
00:06:50,942 --> 00:06:53,941
But this gold is like
right there,
185
00:06:53,942 --> 00:06:56,107
heaped up in a huge pile.
186
00:06:56,108 --> 00:06:57,732
You'd be crazy
not to pick it up.
187
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,107
I know!
188
00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,066
Did you do the yoga-pants
stretch I suggested?
189
00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:04,149
That would've done it.
190
00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:05,524
Almost doing it for me.
191
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,232
Right?!
Mm-hmm.
192
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:08,649
It was you.
193
00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:10,482
What's that now?
194
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,274
You sent Viv
over to Spencer's
195
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,941
so she could squeeze me
out of the picture.
196
00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:16,607
I was his only friend in the
world until this came along.
197
00:07:16,608 --> 00:07:18,566
Hi.
It's not gonna work.
198
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,482
Spencer and I have something
special together,
199
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,649
and I'm not gonna let you two
get between us.
200
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,191
Oliver.
201
00:07:33,192 --> 00:07:34,691
Viv.
202
00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:36,149
That car is gonna shine.
203
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,817
This kid knows how
to take care of me.
204
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:42,025
Keep walking, blondie.
205
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,191
♪ Whoa! ♪
206
00:07:51,192 --> 00:07:52,316
♪ Swingin' in there ♪
207
00:07:52,317 --> 00:07:53,566
♪ 'Cause she wanted
me to feed her ♪
208
00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,149
♪ So, I mixed up the batter ♪
209
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:56,524
♪ And she licked the beater ♪
210
00:07:56,525 --> 00:07:59,357
♪ I scream, you scream,
we all scream for her ♪
211
00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:02,066
♪ Don't even try
'cause you can't ignore her ♪
212
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,691
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
213
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:05,691
♪ Cool drink of water ♪
214
00:08:05,692 --> 00:08:07,107
♪ Such a sweet surprise ♪
215
00:08:07,108 --> 00:08:08,357
♪ Tastes so good ♪
216
00:08:08,358 --> 00:08:09,732
♪ Make a grown man cry ♪
217
00:08:09,733 --> 00:08:11,774
♪ Sweet cherry pie ♪
218
00:08:11,775 --> 00:08:12,816
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
219
00:08:12,817 --> 00:08:15,066
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
220
00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:17,524
I'm soaking.
221
00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:20,107
Would you be a sweetheart
and go get me a towel?
222
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,899
Anything for you.
223
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,067
We're done here, Oliver.
224
00:08:38,775 --> 00:08:41,524
Does anyone know what's inside
this container of cream cheese?
225
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:44,191
Someone wrote "This is not
cream cheese" on it.
226
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:46,857
Mom, you've dated two guys at
the same time before, right?
227
00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,857
Yeah, of course.
Wait.
228
00:08:48,858 --> 00:08:50,817
No.
229
00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:54,899
Ugh.
This is not cream cheese.
230
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,732
Hold that thought.
What are you doing?
231
00:08:56,733 --> 00:08:59,441
Fighting for my man.
232
00:08:59,442 --> 00:09:01,607
I'm gonna introduce Spencer
to the 21st century
233
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,566
using the very Xbox
Viv gave me.
234
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:05,024
Stay out of Viv's way.
235
00:09:05,025 --> 00:09:06,316
She needs Spencer
more than you do.
236
00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:07,524
How do you figure?
237
00:09:07,525 --> 00:09:09,524
A woman like Viv,
when she sees an opportunity
238
00:09:09,525 --> 00:09:11,941
to better her situation,
she has to grab it.
239
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,566
She's only after his money,
240
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,732
which is gonna be my money--
mine.
241
00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,482
Oliver,
for the last time--
242
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,191
There aren't even M&M'S!
243
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,899
Hans Gruber!
It's not easy for me
244
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,024
to jump up on this counter,
Greg!
245
00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:24,192
You know I have a thing
against jumping!
246
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:28,274
I realize the dog-training-book
approach isn't working,
247
00:09:28,275 --> 00:09:30,107
but I've tracked down someone
who can help.
248
00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,316
Do you remember
The Critter Man?
249
00:09:31,317 --> 00:09:33,441
You mean that weird guy
who got those baby raccoons
250
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,482
out of the basement?
251
00:09:34,483 --> 00:09:36,232
And drove them
all the way to Maine
252
00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:38,232
and set them free
by that beautiful lake?
253
00:09:38,233 --> 00:09:41,191
Uh... yeah.
That's what that guy did.
254
00:09:41,192 --> 00:09:43,441
The Critter Man
is gonna drive Hans Gruber
255
00:09:43,442 --> 00:09:45,649
to Maine to live with
the baby raccoons by the lake?
256
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,732
No. He hooked me up
with a pig whisperer.
257
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,982
If you're serious,
I'm gonna drive you
258
00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:50,857
up to Maine
to live by the lake.
259
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,441
We're not getting
a pig whisperer!
260
00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:54,607
First of all, I don't even need
a "first of all."
261
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:55,732
We're not doing it.
262
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,691
I'm doubling down
on training Hans Gruber.
263
00:09:57,692 --> 00:10:00,150
Everyone expects me to fold.
This is me not folding!
264
00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:04,816
And you need to get used to me
and Spencer being together.
265
00:10:04,817 --> 00:10:06,649
You will not
break us apart.
266
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:08,191
And I know how that sounds.
267
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,191
Now head into
the jungle village
268
00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,524
and don't shoot anyone
who isn't holding a gun.
269
00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:19,024
This new technology's
unbelievable.
270
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,857
That little girl hiding behind
the well looks so realistic.
271
00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:23,149
She's got a machete.
272
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:24,441
She looks so sweet.
273
00:10:24,442 --> 00:10:26,024
I'll just shoot her
in the arm.
274
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,524
Ooh, right in the forehead.
275
00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:29,066
Hey, Spence.
276
00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:30,441
You want to go play tennis
with me out back?
277
00:10:30,442 --> 00:10:32,441
I never want to do
anything else except
278
00:10:32,442 --> 00:10:34,775
play these new,
high-tech video games.
279
00:10:36,858 --> 00:10:38,399
Did you hear that, Viv?
280
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,482
Who has the boobs now?
281
00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:44,982
Hey, Spence.
282
00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:46,525
Do you want to go
take a bath?
283
00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:49,732
Get out, Oliver.
284
00:10:52,525 --> 00:10:55,149
Okay, first, you need to learn
how to assert dominance.
285
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,732
Let him know
who's in charge.
286
00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:58,524
Never be the one
to break eye contact.
287
00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,774
Like this?
288
00:10:59,775 --> 00:11:01,482
Exactly like this.
289
00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:02,816
Do not look away.
290
00:11:02,817 --> 00:11:04,732
Do not show weakness.
291
00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:06,774
You are in charge.
292
00:11:14,192 --> 00:11:16,024
Are you guys
about to kiss?
293
00:11:16,025 --> 00:11:18,316
I don't know.
294
00:11:18,317 --> 00:11:20,482
I've solved my Oliver problem
295
00:11:20,483 --> 00:11:21,857
by getting him away
from Spencer
296
00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:24,149
and Viv's problem by getting her
involved with Spencer.
297
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,941
I've only got
one problem left,
298
00:11:25,942 --> 00:11:28,024
and that problem tastes
really good
299
00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:31,441
with barbecue sauce
and potato salad.
300
00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:32,774
Can't eat the pig,
Katie.
301
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,357
We can't keep it, either.
302
00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:35,566
It's getting bigger
every day.
303
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:37,232
Seriously, Greg,
just fold already.
304
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,149
What are you doing?
305
00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:43,858
Nothing.
306
00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:47,441
Kind of feels like
you're doing something.
307
00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:48,942
Nope.
308
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,232
Are you trying
to pig-train me, Greg?
309
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:54,441
Is that what this is?
310
00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:56,399
Shh.
311
00:12:01,858 --> 00:12:03,732
Whatever this is,
312
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,316
you shouldn't be doing it
with the door open.
313
00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:06,566
What do you want,
Taylor?
314
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:08,024
Can I go to a party?
With who?
315
00:12:08,025 --> 00:12:09,607
John Reese.
Who's that?
316
00:12:09,608 --> 00:12:12,149
He's a senior.
You're dating Eyo!
317
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,524
Yeah, I know,
but I took Mom's advice.
318
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,232
What are you
talking about?
319
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:18,191
You told Viv to go for a senior.
I'm going for a senior, too.
320
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:20,399
Better parties,
better social status.
321
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,067
I'm grabbing
a better opportunity.
322
00:12:23,983 --> 00:12:26,274
What did you say to her?
I like Eyo.
323
00:12:26,275 --> 00:12:27,399
He's a good kid,
and we don't know
324
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,024
the first thing
about this senior.
325
00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:30,857
You brought home
a live pig!
326
00:12:30,858 --> 00:12:31,899
You can't keep playing
the pig card.
327
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,691
Oh, I can.
And do you want to know why?
328
00:12:33,692 --> 00:12:35,357
Because it's a pig card!
329
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:37,482
Ah!
You're driving me crazy.
330
00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:39,232
I must say, this is
a refreshing change of pace.
331
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,232
What does that mean?
332
00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:41,441
Just that usually
you're the one
333
00:12:41,442 --> 00:12:42,607
who does exactly
what she wants,
334
00:12:42,608 --> 00:12:43,774
and I'm forced
to deal with it.
335
00:12:43,775 --> 00:12:45,607
Is that so?
Yeah, it is so.
336
00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:46,857
It is so, so.
337
00:12:46,858 --> 00:12:48,774
It is so, so, so!
338
00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:50,232
We're doing
a pillow wall tonight.
339
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:52,107
No. My anger's too big
for a pillow wall.
340
00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:53,775
We're going toes to nose.
341
00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:01,274
Greg, why do your feet
look so good?
342
00:13:01,275 --> 00:13:03,232
Are you wasting our money
on pedicures again?
343
00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:04,982
Katie, do you want to have
the pedicure fight
344
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,107
or stick
with this pig fight?
345
00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:07,816
'Cause I'm not folding
on anything,
346
00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:10,441
and it's not a waste of
money if it makes me feel
better about myself.
347
00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:17,816
I feel kind of bad.
348
00:13:17,817 --> 00:13:18,941
I helped Viv get out
of a loveless marriage,
349
00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:20,191
but then encouraged her
to go for Spencer
350
00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:22,274
for no reason
other than money.
351
00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:23,524
If you break up
Viv and Spencer,
352
00:13:23,525 --> 00:13:25,649
Oliver will run
right back to Spencer.
353
00:13:25,650 --> 00:13:28,441
But if you don't do anything,
then you're teaching Taylor
354
00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:30,316
that love is just about
status and money.
355
00:13:30,317 --> 00:13:32,691
Ooh, you have to pick
one child to save.
356
00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:34,149
This is a real
Katie's Choice.
357
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:36,733
So... which kid
are you gonna save?
358
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,732
I choose to save Taylor.
Mm-hmm.
359
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:45,107
Because if I let Oliver go down
the Spencer path when he's rich,
360
00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:48,357
he'll put us in one of those
nice, retirement communities.
361
00:13:48,358 --> 00:13:50,650
Not like that rat trap
we'll have to put my mom in.
362
00:13:51,483 --> 00:13:54,024
You guys have to help me
break up Viv and Spencer.
363
00:13:54,025 --> 00:13:56,107
Ooh.
Let's take Viv out tonight.
364
00:13:56,108 --> 00:13:58,816
We can help her find someone
else so she forgets him.
365
00:13:58,817 --> 00:13:59,899
Are you guys in a rush?
366
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,316
No.
Not really.
367
00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:02,816
Good, because I need
at least 20 minutes
368
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:05,274
to complain about Greg
and his stupid pig.
369
00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:08,691
It makes so much noise,
and it eats the garb--
370
00:14:08,692 --> 00:14:10,816
This is a time where you can
just zone out and let me talk.
371
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,441
Cool.
Cool.
372
00:14:12,442 --> 00:14:14,691
Its snout is just the grossest
thing in the world.
373
00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:16,232
It's wet...
374
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,316
Viv, we are taking you
out tonight, okay?
375
00:14:21,317 --> 00:14:23,732
We are going to meet some nice,
eligible men.
376
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,357
Or maybe a woman.
377
00:14:25,358 --> 00:14:26,774
Ooh, I tried that in college
eight times.
378
00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,024
It just wasn't for me.
379
00:14:28,025 --> 00:14:30,024
It took you eight times
to figure that out?
380
00:14:30,025 --> 00:14:32,691
Okay.
You guys, I'm fine!
381
00:14:32,692 --> 00:14:34,566
Spencer checks
all the boxes.
382
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:37,274
He's rich.
There's really just one box.
383
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:38,732
You need to find
a good guy.
Yeah.
384
00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:40,691
Someone nice who you can
fall in love with.
385
00:14:40,692 --> 00:14:42,232
Like Greg.
Well, thanks, Doris.
386
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:44,066
But not Greg.
Not ever Greg.
387
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:45,941
If Katie dies,
I call dibs.
388
00:14:45,942 --> 00:14:48,399
Not my bra, you stupid pig!
Drop it!
389
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,066
Katie, relax.
You're not supposed to yell.
390
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,899
Use a low, calm voice.
391
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,274
In case you haven't noticed,
I don't have one of those.
392
00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:58,066
The pig has got to go!
393
00:14:58,067 --> 00:14:59,482
No!
Yes!
394
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:02,191
Ladies, I'm sorry you had to see
this side of my marriage.
395
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,232
Excuse me while I storm off
with my pig.
396
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,316
I think I'm just gonna
stick with Spencer.
397
00:15:12,317 --> 00:15:14,857
Ah. Doris, maybe you and I
should go get some wine.
398
00:15:14,858 --> 00:15:16,775
And not come back.
Yeah.
399
00:15:21,775 --> 00:15:23,649
Are you and Daddy okay?
400
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,316
Honey, if two unplanned
pregnancies,
401
00:15:26,317 --> 00:15:27,982
a houseful of lice,
and a move to Westport
402
00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:30,107
can't break us up,
nothing will.
403
00:15:34,358 --> 00:15:37,357
John Reese. Okay, I need
to talk to my girls.
404
00:15:37,358 --> 00:15:38,483
That includes you, too,
Viv.
405
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,774
In a relationship--
like in that nature show--
406
00:15:45,775 --> 00:15:48,857
sometimes it's symbiotic
and everything's perfect.
407
00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:51,066
And sometimes it's parasitic
408
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,941
and you want
to throttle each other.
409
00:15:52,942 --> 00:15:54,566
But the important part is
410
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,899
the core of the relationship
never changes.
411
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,857
I have been working
on my core like crazy.
412
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,899
Different core, Viv.
Pay attention.
413
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,232
When I met your daddy,
I knew he was the one for me.
414
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,274
I had dated
a lot of bad boys,
415
00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:12,524
but he was so kind
and so smart...
416
00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:15,232
that I couldn't help
but fall in love with him.
417
00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:17,149
Half the time I didn't know
what he was talking about,
418
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,732
but I got this special feeling
in my stomach,
419
00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:24,357
and that part
never goes away
420
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,358
no matter how many pigs
he brings home.
421
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,441
Oh, thanks for coming
on such short notice.
422
00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:35,024
Oh, not a problem.
423
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:37,441
I was just in Wilton
dealing with a depressed
pig, and I was like,
424
00:16:37,442 --> 00:16:39,732
"You're just
gonna be such a good pig.
425
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,107
No one's ever
gonna eat that pig."
426
00:16:41,108 --> 00:16:42,316
And that did the trick.
Mm.
427
00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,982
Greg, why is
the Pig Whisperer here?
428
00:16:44,983 --> 00:16:47,107
'Cause I'm not giving up
on Hans Gruber.
429
00:16:47,108 --> 00:16:49,482
Uh... Greg, can you join me
in your office?
430
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,774
Why?
431
00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:52,941
To look over some papers.
What papers?
432
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:53,899
I want to yell at you
in private.
433
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,400
You're the worst at this!
434
00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:02,107
If this pig
is just about you
435
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,941
proving to everyone
that you don't fold,
436
00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:05,482
then it's time
to pick something else.
437
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,107
Something like you say
you want Mexican,
438
00:17:07,108 --> 00:17:08,899
and I say,
"No, I want Italian,"
439
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,149
and then you say,
"I want Mexican," and
then we have Mexican.
440
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,442
It's not that simple.
441
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,149
When I was five years old,
we had a dog that I loved
442
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,232
more than anything
in the world,
443
00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:20,857
and my very first day
of kindergarten,
444
00:17:20,858 --> 00:17:22,149
I kissed him goodbye
445
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,232
and when I got back home,
he was gone.
446
00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:26,982
My dad had given him away.
I was crushed.
447
00:17:26,983 --> 00:17:29,774
And I can't do that
to Anna-Kat.
448
00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,275
I'm sorry.
I just can't.
449
00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:37,107
I've never heard
this story before.
450
00:17:37,108 --> 00:17:39,607
Well, it's not something
I like to talk about.
451
00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:43,191
Just out of curiosity,
what was the dog's name?
452
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,524
Winston.
Winston.
453
00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:45,732
Yeah, 'cause he looked like
Winston Churchill.
454
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:47,274
Mm-hmm.
455
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,857
I see.
456
00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:49,941
Go ahead and call my mom
and ask.
457
00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,274
I'm not calling your mom.
458
00:17:51,275 --> 00:17:52,941
Okay.
459
00:17:52,942 --> 00:17:54,107
I guess the pig
can stay...
460
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,066
...because of this important
story in your life...
461
00:17:58,067 --> 00:17:59,774
that I just heard...
462
00:17:59,775 --> 00:18:02,607
for the first time ever
just now.
463
00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,857
Right.
464
00:18:04,858 --> 00:18:07,274
Mm.
465
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:15,899
I know! I know! I know!
466
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:18,857
You are so funny.
467
00:18:18,858 --> 00:18:21,107
You're so cute
and handsome,
468
00:18:21,108 --> 00:18:23,483
and you don't have that weird,
old-man smell.
469
00:18:26,317 --> 00:18:27,942
I'll be right back.
470
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,524
Oh, my God.
471
00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:35,899
I think I know what you
were talking about.
472
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,441
I have that special feeling,
and he asked me out.
473
00:18:39,442 --> 00:18:41,857
You know he's our pig trainer,
and he's 27.
474
00:18:41,858 --> 00:18:44,275
We're the same age!
475
00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:50,774
I got bad news for you.
476
00:18:50,775 --> 00:18:52,691
Oh, yeah?
477
00:18:52,692 --> 00:18:54,524
Viv met another guy.
478
00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:57,482
Eh, she wasn't the first,
and she won't be the last.
479
00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,691
She might be pretty close
to the last.
480
00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:01,649
Next time,
you have to be careful.
481
00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:03,482
There's a lot of people
out there
482
00:19:03,483 --> 00:19:05,566
who just want to be with you
for your money.
483
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:07,607
Thank you, kid.
484
00:19:07,608 --> 00:19:10,274
So, uh, what do you want me
to pick up for dinner tonight?
485
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,482
Mm... lobster.
486
00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:13,567
For two.
487
00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:17,232
I'll just get my wallet.
488
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:30,399
What's going on?
Oh.
489
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,357
Taylor was just telling me she's
gonna stop texting John Reese.
490
00:19:32,358 --> 00:19:33,732
Yeah,
it's not fair to Eyo.
491
00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:34,857
Good for you, honey.
492
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,024
Yeah, well done.
493
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:37,107
Maybe I should text John
494
00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:39,649
and give him some closure.
495
00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:41,108
Nah,
I'm just gonna go dark.
496
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,024
By the way, just got off
the phone with your mom.
497
00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,732
You picked up
when my mom called?
498
00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:48,774
Were you buried
under rubble?
499
00:19:48,775 --> 00:19:50,732
I called her to confirm
500
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,857
your dog sob story,
which she did.
501
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,357
Katie.
Don't be mad.
502
00:19:54,358 --> 00:19:55,982
I feel like
I was already punished.
503
00:19:55,983 --> 00:19:59,149
She droned on for 45 minutes
about her latest food allergy.
504
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,441
Lots of bowel talk.
505
00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:02,316
Ah. Dairy.
506
00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:05,732
I'm sorry for doubting
your story about Winston.
507
00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:09,024
And we can keep Hans Gruber
for as long as you want.
508
00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:11,441
Thanks, sweetie.
509
00:20:11,442 --> 00:20:13,107
Well...
510
00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,025
I'm gonna go feed our pig
some garbage.
511
00:20:20,442 --> 00:20:23,149
Mom, thanks for covering for me.
She totally bought it!
512
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:25,192
I know! I know!
For once, I didn't fold.
513
00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:32,232
You want the last M&M?
I know you like the greens.
514
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:36,566
Greg, we're all out of M&M'S.
Can you go get us some more?
515
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:37,691
You're the ones
that ate them.
516
00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:43,316
The pig stare
is not going to work, Katie.
517
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:44,316
Don't even try.
518
00:20:46,817 --> 00:20:49,649
{\an8}I'm not moving.
519
00:20:58,317 --> 00:20:59,316
{\an8}Okay,
but for the record,
520
00:20:59,317 --> 00:21:00,817
{\an8}I'm doing this
because I want to.
521
00:21:04,275 --> 00:21:05,857
{\an8}Who's my good,
little Greg Whisperer?
522
00:21:05,858 --> 00:21:07,983
{\an8}You are.
37934
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