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1
00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,506
Jake, time to go.
2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,640
Get your stuff together.
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,942
After you drop him off,
you want to see a movie?
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,778
Sure, that sounds good.
5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,880
Cool. Enjoy.
6
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,117
Why don't you just tell me
you've got a girl coming over?
7
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,419
I didn't want
to rub your nose in it.
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:19,653
Thanks.
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,555
She's gorgeous, by the way.
10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,191
Wonderful.
11
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,193
Why are you putting Jake's
stuff all over the house?
12
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,694
Because I want
this girl to see
13
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,896
I'm not just another jerk
trying to get her into bed.
14
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,131
I'm a loving uncle.
15
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,799
Who's trying to get her
into bed.
16
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,034
That's the loving part.
17
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:39,407
Oh, this is the book
I read to him at bedtime.
18
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,077
You don't read to Jake.
19
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,113
That's why you're going
to the movies.
20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,248
Okay, ready to go.
21
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,749
Is your skateboard
still outside by the front door?
22
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,184
Oh, sorry. I'll bring it in.
23
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,220
No, no, leave it there.
24
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,256
See, I do this thing
where I kind of trip over it,
25
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,857
then I bitch a little bit.
26
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,726
You know,
I'm harried, but lovable.
27
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,695
You got everything? What
about your schoolbooks?
28
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,531
Oh, right.
29
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,501
So, what time are you expecting
Little Red Riding Hood?
30
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,670
Oh, and I'm the Big Bad Wolf.
31
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:13,307
Very clever, and not a bad game
to play later.
32
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,044
A little huffing and puffing
and blowing...
33
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:18,879
That's "The Three Little Pigs."
34
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,149
Same wolf though, right?
35
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,050
I got
my schoolbooks.
36
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:23,984
And your homework?
37
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,219
Oh.
38
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,021
You know, Charlie,
39
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,523
if you took half
the energy
40
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,226
you put into manipulating
casual sexual encounters
41
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,828
and used it to actually
build a relationship,
42
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,063
you'd be a lot happier.
43
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,332
Hard to imagine.
44
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,401
Are you saying
you never want
to settle down?
45
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,069
You mean get married?
46
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,037
Let me tell you
something, bunky.
47
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,273
If you've got someone
48
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,241
to clean your house
and do your shopping,
49
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,843
and you're getting some action
on a regular basis,
50
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,145
the only reason
you need a wife
51
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,013
is if you have
some sick compulsion
52
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,215
to give away
half your stuff.
53
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,550
What about kids?
54
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,419
I already got one.
55
00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,653
And the best part
is he leaves
56
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,256
before we get sick
of each other, right, dude?
57
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:04,958
Okay, let's go.
58
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,026
Bye, Uncle Charlie.
59
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,060
See you next week.
60
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,162
Where are your shoes?
61
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,798
Oh, right.
62
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,135
I've been so depressed
since the divorce,
63
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,737
I've gained eight pounds,
64
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,906
and not one ounce
went to my boobs.
65
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,775
Honey, you're still better off
without the rat bastard.
66
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,712
But I miss the rat bastard.
67
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,079
Listen to me, Kathleen.
68
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,881
I thought I missed
my husband too,
69
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,519
but it turned out
to be just a little
prescription mix-up.
70
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,986
Hi, Mom.
71
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,154
There's my big boy.
72
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,323
Don't I get a hug?
73
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,857
Nope. Got to drain the lizard.
74
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,328
Boys.
75
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,895
Hey.
76
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,096
Oh, hi, Alan.
77
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,632
He left his homework
in the car.
78
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:45,766
Oh, thank you.
79
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,868
Hang on. I have some bills
you need to pay.
80
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,271
Great.
81
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:53,374
Hope they're really big ones.
82
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,212
Hi. Alan.
83
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:03,251
So, you, uh, you must be
Judith's support group.
84
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,018
It's funny
'cause, uh,
85
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,621
I'm kind of supporting her, too.
86
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,660
It's not funny ha-ha
so much as...
87
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,629
not funny.
88
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,631
Ooh, cookies.
89
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,634
Maybe this'll take
the taste of foot
out of my mouth.
90
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:25,239
So, uh, who's
the little baker among us?
91
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,080
Mmm... foot.
92
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,049
Can I have a cookie?
93
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,184
Sure, sweetie.
94
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,986
You are so cute.
95
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,554
I know.
96
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,155
You have a girlfriend yet?
97
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,825
No, I'm a bachelor
like my Uncle Charlie.
98
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:45,926
So, you're never
99
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:46,927
going to get married?
100
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,429
No, as long as I got someone
101
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,663
to clean my house,
102
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,832
and some action
on a regular basis,
103
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,000
I don't need a wife.
104
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:55,969
Excuse me?
105
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,939
I don't want to give anybody
half my stuff.
106
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,977
Okay, bye-bye.
107
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:07,047
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
108
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,917
* Men... *
109
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,355
This is my favorite part
of the house.
110
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,989
I call it God's room.
111
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,458
Are you religious?
112
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:21,028
Oh, Tiffany, how can you not be
when you look at...
113
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,997
something like that?
114
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,736
In fact,
I'm always telling my...
115
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,237
little nephew...
116
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:34,207
what's important
is this.
117
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,244
Not the big house
or the fancy car, or...
118
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,580
all the expensive toys
I'm always buying him.
119
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,054
Wow, you're amazing.
120
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,356
I don't know many guys
121
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,391
that would make room
in their lives
122
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,959
for somebody else's child.
123
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,861
Hey, he's family.
124
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,096
What kind of a man
doesn't make room in his life
125
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,264
for his own family?
126
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,632
( door shuts )
127
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,336
Oh, look,
it's my brother Alan,
128
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,572
who I also made room
in my life for.
129
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,775
Excuse me.
130
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,811
Bro!
131
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,483
All right, you moron...
132
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,452
...what part of
"stay out of the house
133
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,421
so I can run around naked
with a hot chick"
134
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,288
didn't you understand?
135
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,723
I'm sorry.
136
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,792
I'm just too depressed
to sit through a movie.
137
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,361
And you figured
ruining my evening
138
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,529
would cheer you up?
139
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,365
( phone ringing )
140
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,401
You know, the movie
was just a suggestion.
141
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,704
Go bowling, Go sit on the curb.
I don't care.
142
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,873
Oh, leave me alone.
Who's that?
143
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,074
Judith, again.
144
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,309
She's really upset with me.
145
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,044
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
146
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,113
Thank you.
Now get out.
147
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,082
Get out? She's upset with me
because of you.
148
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,419
Oh. Well, that's different.
149
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,754
But still, get out.
150
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,623
Your sexist, manipulative
attitude towards women
151
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,990
just got into Jake's head,
152
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,226
and he spewed it out
in front of his mother's
153
00:05:59,292 --> 00:05:59,993
angry women's support group.
154
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,595
Wait a minute.
155
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,598
Is it a women's support group
that's angry,
156
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,535
or a support group
just for angry women?
157
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,336
What difference does it make?
158
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,304
Well, if they
were already angry,
159
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,106
then I'm less culpable.
160
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,643
Okay,
161
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,377
what did Jake say?
162
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,946
Oh, not much;
he just
163
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:19,980
parroted your line
164
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,482
about how women
are only good for sex
165
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:22,816
and cleaning the house.
166
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,087
You didn't really say that?
167
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,889
No, no, no, no.
168
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,123
What I said was
169
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,626
is that there's really no reason
to get married
170
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,128
if you've already got
somebody to clean and...
171
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:43,704
You want to go to the movies
with me?
172
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,373
Man, Jake's going
to love this video game.
173
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,908
Listen to this.
174
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:51,144
16 levels of ultra-realistic
murder and mayhem.
175
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:58,385
24 flesh-ripping weapons,
plus gratuitous nudity.
176
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,353
Let me see that.
177
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,390
"Scooter's Magic Tree Fort"?
178
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,527
Scooter's a zombie.
179
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,861
( phone ringing )
180
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,899
It's Tiffany.
181
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,434
She's still talking to you
after last weekend?
182
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,469
What can I tell you?
183
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,937
I'm hard to stay mad at.
184
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,439
Hello? Oh, hey, Tiff.
185
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:22,442
I've been thinking
about you all week.
186
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,447
Yeah, we did get off
to a bad start,
187
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,483
and I really blame myself.
188
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,586
No, I'd love to try again.
189
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,354
Um, I'm going to get Jake,
190
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,289
but I'll leave
the front door unlocked
191
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,026
in case Satan shows up
to collect your soul.
192
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,628
Wait a minute, Alan.
193
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,796
I got to put you on
hold a sec, Tiff.
194
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,898
How come Judith's not
bringing him over?
195
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,399
I don't know;
Judith asked me to do it,
196
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,068
and I just got tired of arguing.
197
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,138
She still busting
your chops about
what Jake said?
198
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,706
Look, blame it on me.
199
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,508
Tell her I'm sorry.
200
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,275
She won't buy it.
201
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:59,479
Sure she will.
202
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:03,517
Just keep shoveling it on
till roses start growing in it.
203
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:04,852
Poor Satan.
204
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,657
He'll come for your soul
and he'll leave empty-handed.
205
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,563
Hey, Tiff, I'm back.
206
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,530
Whoa.
207
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,266
That's kind of harsh.
208
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,002
Hey, wait a minute... Hello?
209
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,306
Oh, I see.
210
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,676
That's not the "hold" button.
211
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,682
Hey. Is Jake ready?
212
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,916
Not exactly.
213
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,718
Maybe you should come in
for a second.
214
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,620
Judith, how many times
have I asked you
215
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,221
to have him
ready when I...?
216
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,592
Hello.
217
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,593
Sit down, Alan.
218
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,594
We want to talk to you.
219
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,128
"We"?
220
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,598
Yes. Sit down.
221
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,601
Okay.
222
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,603
I guess I can stay for a minute.
223
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:04,177
Hmm. No cookies.
224
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,512
No cookies.
225
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,782
Um, Alan, Jake is not here.
226
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,517
Why not? Where is he?
227
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,485
He's sleeping over
at a friend's.
228
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,654
What are you talking about?
229
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:14,588
This is my time with him.
230
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,623
Yes, I know, but...
231
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,224
Judith feels
she can no longer
232
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,592
allow her son
to be exposed
233
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,194
to the toxic influences
of your brother.
234
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,664
Whoa. Wait a second.
235
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,531
We have a custody agreement.
236
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,866
Yes, but
Judith feels
237
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,001
that the welfare of her son
supersedes that.
238
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,639
You can't do this.
Yes, she can.
239
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,206
Who are you?
They're my friends.
240
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,943
What the hell do your friends
have to do with this?
241
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,010
We love
and support her.
242
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,278
We won't let you bully her.
243
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,281
Okay, first of all,
can the person I talk to
244
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,150
be the person
who answers me?
245
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,018
That's fair.
246
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,654
Okay, I don't want
to talk to you people.
247
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,855
This is between me
and Judith.
248
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,522
You're absolutely right.
249
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,224
Judith, tell him
what we agreed.
250
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,027
Okay. You can see Jake
on weekends,
251
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,163
but not at Charlie's house.
252
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,665
But that's where I live.
253
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,532
I'm sorry, Alan,
but you'll just
have to choose
254
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,134
between your son
and your brother.
255
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:03,637
You know what?
256
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,272
Maybe I have a problem
257
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:08,375
with Jake being
in this toxic environment.
258
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,843
And I am not leaving
259
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:13,246
until you bitter old crones
are out of my house,
260
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,915
and I have my kid back.
261
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,554
All right, all right,
you can stay,
262
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,056
but I want my kid.
263
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,762
Okay, I'll go.
264
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,104
Morning.
265
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,173
Hey.
266
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,675
Where are the pancakes?
267
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,210
What pancakes?
268
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,378
You always make pancakes
on Saturday morning.
269
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,279
I make 'em for Jake.
270
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,080
Jake's not here.
271
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,316
Kind of weird without him, huh?
272
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,751
Yes.
273
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:51,919
Would it lift your spirits
274
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,787
if you made pancakes
for me?
275
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,624
I'm sorry, man.
276
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,159
I told you
to blame it all on me.
277
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,462
Charlie, they had moved
way past blame.
278
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:06,599
It was more like a jihad.
279
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,169
Except with no cookies.
280
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:12,105
Your big mistake
was dealing with
them as a group.
281
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,941
The trick with women
is to split 'em off
282
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,675
from the herd
one by one...
283
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:20,647
otherwise they spook
and you risk a stampede.
284
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,850
Kind of like buffalo.
285
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,852
In fact, I'll bet
286
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,419
that's where
that song comes from.
287
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,989
* Buffalo gals,
won't you come out tonight *
288
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,324
* Come out tonight...
Do you hear yourself?!
289
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,160
"Buffalo gals"?
290
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,461
Are you insane?!
291
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,797
This is the kind of talk
that started this whole mess!
292
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,733
I didn't write the song, Alan.
293
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,669
Morning.
294
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,371
Morning, Berta.
295
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,073
What, no pancakes?
296
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,640
Jake's not here this weekend.
297
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,876
Why not?
298
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:53,713
Apparently, Jake took something
I said out of context
299
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,783
and repeated it in
front of his mother,
300
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,952
and she overreacted,
as is her nature.
301
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,520
What did you say,
numb-nuts?
302
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:04,491
Well, if your domestic chores
are taken care of by one woman,
303
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,327
and you have an active
sexual life with other women,
304
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,662
you don't necessarily need
yet another woman
305
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,999
with whom to tie
the matrimonial knot.
306
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,468
Oh. And which category
do I come in under?
307
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,671
Well, I got to say
it's the sweet lovin', Berta,
308
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,673
'cause this place is a mess.
309
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,275
( knocking )
310
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,676
Morning, everybody.
311
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,513
I brought real maple syrup
for the pancakes.
312
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,015
There's no pancakes, Rose.
313
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,382
Because Jake's not here.
314
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,418
'Cause Charlie's
an idiot.
315
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,686
Oh. Why?
316
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,654
I mean,
317
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,722
why is Jake not here,
318
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,090
not why is Charlie an idiot.
319
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,492
Because we know that.
320
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,928
EVELYN:
Hello?
321
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,563
Where's my grandson?
322
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,365
Oh, God, make this stop.
323
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,400
Good morning.
324
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,468
Hi, Mom.
Good morning.
325
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,202
So, where's Jake?
326
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,570
Ask Charlie.
327
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,539
Yeah, ask him.
328
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,774
Well, Charlie?
329
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,448
See? Just like buffalo.
330
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,220
No, Evelyn, I'm sorry.
331
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,222
I certainly want you
to be able to spend time
332
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,059
with your grandson, but I just
don't want him around Charlie.
333
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,263
Why? Why do you think?
334
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,965
That's right.
335
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,935
No, his attitude towards women
is not a reflection
336
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,770
on you or how you raised him.
337
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:24,737
( whispers ):
Yes, it is.
338
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,239
( knocking )
339
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,740
Look, there's someone
at the door.
340
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,642
I've got to go.
341
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:32,245
No, Evelyn, I don't think
this would seem less important
342
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,981
if I was "getting a little."
343
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,987
Judith, can't we talk
about this?
344
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,688
There's nothing
to talk about, Charlie.
345
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,424
Okay, don't talk. Just listen.
346
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,625
I love Jake,
347
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,694
and I would never
intentionally do anything
348
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,996
to influence him
in a negative way.
349
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,730
I don't care
about your intentions.
350
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:51,965
Okay.
351
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,800
I'm a jerk,
I'm immature,
352
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,402
I'm self-centered, I'm...
353
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,939
Hi, I'm Charlie.
354
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,773
Yes, we've heard about you.
355
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,943
And I'll bet none of it's good.
356
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,577
I'm sorry.
What is your name?
357
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,678
Linda.
358
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,114
Linda. Really?
359
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,816
I once had my heart broken
by a woman named Linda.
360
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,751
Charlie, we're
having a meeting.
361
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,887
And I'll bet
it was about me.
362
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,588
Am I right?
363
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,690
Come on. Be honest...
364
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,926
Mandy.
365
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:22,662
Mandy. I love
that song, "Mandy."
366
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,231
Charlie...
367
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,967
Listen, I know
I can't come in here
368
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,302
and ask to be forgiven
for some of the stupid things
369
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,538
I've said in front
of Jake...
370
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:35,909
but I do have the right
to say I'm sorry, don't I?
371
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,411
I suppose.
372
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,549
Thank you. And you are?
373
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,784
Kathleen.
374
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,988
Kathleen, a fine Irish name.
375
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:51,091
Well, half Irish,
on my mother's side.
376
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,926
Are you and
your mom close?
377
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,528
I guess.
378
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:58,365
I envy that, Kathleen.
379
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,000
Me and my mom...
380
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,935
Okay, Charlie, give it a rest.
381
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,503
We're not a bunch
of sorority girls
382
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,872
you can charm
with your big brown eyes.
383
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,308
And nice smile.
384
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,711
Thank you, Mandy.
385
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:12,712
Linda, I admit
386
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,047
I-I sometimes
387
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,349
relate to women
on a very superficial level,
388
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,685
but I think
that's because... deep down,
389
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,389
I-I-I have intimacy issues
that probably go back to my mom.
390
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,093
My mother crippled me
emotionally.
391
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,396
You, too?
392
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,863
And I am so afraid I'm making
393
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,865
the same mistakes
with my daughter.
394
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,002
Well, you know what, uh...
395
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,903
Ruth.
396
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,205
Ruth.
397
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,940
That's the same fear
398
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,109
I have with Jake, Ruth.
399
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,078
I've clearly
made mistakes,
400
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,580
but that's because
I'm human,
401
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,216
and after all...
402
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,051
what are we trying to
do with our children
403
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:55,822
other than to raise
them... as humans?
404
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,225
Oh, stop it, Charlie.
405
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,493
"Our children"?
You have no children.
406
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,195
That's true.
407
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:05,665
Although I don't think it's fair
to throw it in my face.
408
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,569
I mean, some of us
haven't been blessed
409
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,272
with the little ones
the way you have.
410
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,574
That was uncalled for, Judith.
411
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,082
Look, I'm being
real up-front with you
412
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,717
about the mistakes I've made
with Jake,
413
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,753
how I've influenced him...
414
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,590
but let's talk for a minute
about how he's influenced me,
415
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:37,164
how this... little boy
has made me... a better man.
416
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,069
Oh, dear God, you're not going
to listen to this crap,
417
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,571
are you?
WOMEN:
Shh!
418
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,073
No, I will not shh!
419
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,607
He's lying to you.
420
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,442
It's all he does:
lie, lie, lie!
421
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,943
You've got to
believe me!
422
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,812
It's okay.
It's all right, Judith.
423
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,614
We're all here for you.
424
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,889
Okay.
425
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,624
Who's ready for a refill?
426
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,295
Oh, that kid.
427
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,098
What are you going
to do, huh?
428
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,066
Charlie, where's
the little girl's room?
429
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,001
It's down the hall
to the right,
430
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,903
and around here
we leave the seat up,
431
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,871
so don't just drop trou
and back in.
432
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,740
Oh! You're terrible.
433
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,176
I'm serious. I'm not coming
in there with the shoehorn.
434
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,814
You're getting
a little pink there, Kathleen.
435
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,084
Turn around. I'll put some more
suntan lotion on your back.
436
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,186
Okay.
437
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,988
Hi, Alan.
438
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,324
Hello.
439
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,025
You have a lovely home.
440
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,694
Thank you.
441
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,895
Uh, what's happening?
442
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,264
Oh, a bunch of us came over
443
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,032
to have a little wine
in God's room.
444
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,400
Why don't you join us?
445
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,236
Thank you.
446
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:54,073
What the hell?
447
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:57,144
CHARLIE & WOMEN:
* Buffalo gals,
won't you come out tonight *
448
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,346
* Come out tonight,
come out tonight *
449
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,149
* Buffalo gals,
won't you come out tonight *
450
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:05,752
* And dance
by the light of the moon. *
451
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,556
( knocking )
452
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,025
Hey, Dad.
453
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,061
Hey, pal.
454
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,929
What's, uh,
what's going on?
455
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,566
I want my friends back.
456
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:20,667
I'm sorry. What?
457
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,701
Hi, Uncle Charlie.
458
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,903
There he is!
How you doing, buddy?
459
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,071
We missed you around here.
460
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,105
I slept over
at Toby's house.
461
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,374
Cool.
462
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,108
Jake, honey, go put
your stuff in your room.
463
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,743
Okay.
464
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,078
He's staying?
465
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,380
Okay, here's the deal.
466
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,915
We go back to the original
custody arrangement,
467
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,717
but with one new condition.
468
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,885
What's that?
469
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:43,190
Charlie agrees to never ever
enter my house again.
470
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,258
Done.
471
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,895
Want some wine?
472
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,397
Charlie...
473
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,232
yeah, sure, why not?
474
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,971
How?
475
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:03,376
I told you, I'm hard
to stay mad at.
476
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,145
Anyway...
477
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,747
they're your problem now.
478
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,383
I'm going to hang with Jake
till Tiffany gets here.
479
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,498
What?
480
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,500
You got a normal-sized head.
481
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,204
Thanks. I'm pretty happy
with it.
482
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,340
Well, I don't get it.
483
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,441
What don't you get?
484
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,742
I heard Mom say
the reason
485
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,610
Uncle Charlie gets
into so much trouble
486
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,879
is because he thinks
with his little head.
487
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,785
It's not that little.
488
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,855
Okay, you tell your mother...
489
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:49,889
Charlie...
490
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,593
...that women are to be honored
and respected.
491
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:54,927
See, Jake?
492
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,062
That's the big head talking.
493
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,266
But he only has one head.
494
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,302
Do you want to tell him,
495
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,070
or should we let him spin
for a while?
496
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,605
I'd rather he spin.
497
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,207
Oh, come on.
At least give me a clue.
498
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,644
All right.
499
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,080
What do men have
that women don't?
500
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,583
Beards?
501
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,285
Lower.
502
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,821
( lowering voice ):
Beards.
503
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,994
You're right. Let him spin.
33913
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