Original subtitles

Huh? Different.

We get caught up.

You? Yeah.

Won't stop you from getting cheerleader.

Hey, punk, watch where you're going.

You hit me. Are you calling him a liar?

How'd you like me to light that bowtie for you, boy?

Hello?

Mr. Perlman?

Hi, Mr. Perlman.

Great game, huh?

Gee, I don't know, Mr. Perlman. Mary Lou stood me up. I looked everywhere.

Just everywhere.

Sure.

We had a date at the after -game party.

Well, don't lose hope, Freddy, old scout.

I mean, she probably couldn't find you in this frown.

Well, a handsome fella like you, she's probably waiting for you at the party.

Wow, you really think so?

I would, I guess.

I'd better get on the stick. Hope she ain't P .O.'d.

Shoot, our first date, too.

I'd better go.

You see Mary Lou?

Great game, Lou.

Oh, it's nothing, man. You want to see a good game? See me a buddy in a

homecoming game.

Come on.

Hey, buddy, a woman.

Little boy.

You want to dance? Let's go, Moose. Oh, come on. Just wait a second.

Hey, stud!

Hey, let's go take care of Bird, man.

Look, Dr. Bird benched me for the last three weeks.

He can't get away with that without the pants for his ass.

Right on. You were smoking in the john.

If you get in trouble again, you'll both be benched for the homecoming game.

Come on, buddy. Let's go into the party.

Don't listen to him, Moose. Moose?

Let's go get that doctor. You leave me and I'll keep my date with Freddie

Collier. Freddie the geek!

Oh, man, let him blast you right out of school.

Yeah, let the whole world see you dance.

Freddie the wimp. I'm married, dude. Don't do nothing we wouldn't do.

Hey, I've been looking all over. Corbett's going to take a party.

No, I can't. They'll see me. I'm...

I mean, I really hate crabs.

Listen, Freddy, would you like to take me for a ride?

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, sure.

A ride.

That's great.

Well,

I thought we were going to... We'll get in there, I guess. Something else.

Hive Warriors, Trump, and the Holly Hive Bears.

Bird catches us, man, he'll bench us. Next week's a homecoming game, man. All

the college scouts are going to be here.

Oh, don't worry. Just stick with the champ.

This next little number I'd like to dedicate to... From Billy to

Carrie, Tim to Louise, Jerry to Marilyn.

This is what you think of me? You think I'm so cheap that I just...

I wonder, boy, the jacket.

Gee, buddy, I... Shh!

All right, give it to me.

Come on. Come on.

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Give it to me. Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Now Bird's not that smart.

Get that stuff away from me. Jesus Christ.

Will you quit doing that? I heard somebody. We're the only ones around

That's Lester Willis and Lindana.

Let's stop here.

Are you out of your mind? And have that gossip Lindana drive by with Lester the

leper? Even if you don't, I care about my good reputation.

I know a place where nobody be. You want a place out of the way? I'll give you a

place out of the way.

and it's just so beautiful.

That's so corny.

Freddy!

What are you talking about?

Oh, you did it this time. Our ass is mud.

I'll think of something.

No talking!

All right, you Neanderthal jocks. You have two choices.

Either take your licks from me, you kind -hearted English teacher, or old Doc

Beard.

Does that mean that...

If we get him from you.

Does Doc Bird find out?

What Doc Bird doesn't know won't hurt him, and you can both play in the

homecoming game.

Okay, come on. You go ahead and do it.

Yeah, get it over with.

Drop your pants.

Drop our pants?

Shorts and all?

You heard me. I didn't stutter. Drop your drawers.

I love you, Mary Lou.

It's my mother.

I just want to hold you.

Get your finger out.

Don't move a muscle.

Now, turn around.

You'll find that our attitudes in life and in sports mean an awful lot.

Boys. Yes, ma 'am.

Rape is such a dirty word.

And love is such a beautiful thing.

Yes, ma 'am.

You two boys don't want anybody to find out or anybody to know how two juvenile

delinquents tried to rape me.

No, ma 'am.

I have so much to teach you.

It's better me than groping around in the backseat of somebody's car.

Yes, ma 'am.

I promise to keep your eyes closed.

They're closed. They're closed.

Be careful.

I'm avoiding you.

Bridget, you're too rough.

I like you a lot, Mary Lou.

What's that?

What's that?

I don't hear anything.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this...

petty pace from day to day. On to the last syllable of

recorded time.

And all our yesterdays have lightened the

way we speak.

Touchdown! Touchdown! We want a touchdown!

Touchdown! Touchdown! We want a touchdown!

Touchdown! Touchdown!

We want a touchdown!

So this girl keeps getting the feeling that there's somebody around outside the

car. Well, they left finally.

But her boyfriend was P .O.'d. But later when they got to her house, he went

around to open her car door.

And there was this bloody steel hook hanging right on her car door. It had

ripped right off the killer's arm.

Hanging on the door?

Shakespeare wrote five comedies. By this diagram, you can tell what they were.

Wet, Midsummer Night's Dream.

Dry, The Twelfth Night.

Three inches, Much Ado About Nothing.

Six inches,

As You Like It.

Nine inches,

taming of the shrew.

I'm taming the shrew. I'm taming the shrew.

Tame, tame. I will, I will.

She ain't tamed.

I've been so embarrassed in my whole life, Betty Collier.

Hey, Mary Lou!

Sorry.

I can't do it anymore, bitch.

Certainly, big jocks like you ought to be able to hold up under the pressure.

Oh, man, we've been doing all the work. You should be laying there having a good

time.

Really?

Oh, Jesus.

Well, that's okay for this lesson.

Five, six, seven. Be right there in the sun this day. We're going to jack around

the shack tonight.

We're going to jack, jack, jack in broad daylight.

We're going to jack, jack, jack.

You guys see the candy? Honey, I'm beeswax. Hey, pussy.

You keep your hands off my girl. You are a knuckle sandwich, man.

I never said anything at Laura's. You're a creep.

That's a cop.

We're gonna remember this.

We're gonna remember this. You better give your soul up to God.

Cause your ass belongs to God. Come on.

Keep him happy. Right, Freddy? Don't you mean so.

Been getting any lately, Freddy?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, don't you know, man?

Freddy's a virgin.

Oh, yeah.

Real stick in the mud, huh?

When I meet the right girl, you'll see. You'll see.

Sure, sure, Romeo. Meanwhile, you need a little help?

You know Wink Lewis?

Yeah. No, he used to be a version, right?

Now he scores every time.

Wink the Wimp?

How does he do that, man?

Buys it.

He's got some stuff.

And he just pours it into this girl's drink or coke or something.

They just go absolutely wild.

They just start stripping me naked just to get at it.

Oh, God, that's what I need.

That's what I need.

One time, wait.

He gave it to this girl to drive in, and he couldn't get his peter up.

She ended up fucking the gear shift.

Oh, God, that's... I mean, boy, that's some healthy shit, huh?

You know, weird glory.

Are you leaving? Yeah, come on, come on.

She's got some.

We ought to get something for Freddy to eat.

Oh, now, come on, now. Don't, don't, don't pick on him.

Don't pick on him. You're sensitive.

Yeah, don't get too close to him. You never know.

He might like guys better than he does girls. Freddy, are you a homo?

Come on, come on. Oh, Mike.

held from 1140 to 1152 instead of 1145 to 1157 as announced

previously in order that the students may proceed to the awards assembly.

It has come to my attention that some students have been caught smoking in the

boys' lavatories yesterday.

And I want you all to keep your eyes open on that. Don't any of you pass the

lavatories without going in there and checking to check on the smoking thing.

It's got to stop.

Apologies are not enough, Freddy Collier.

I just got my car back and the tow truck cut me.

Tonight I have to wash my hair and Wednesday I study for a test.

What did you do?

Oh, darn, I just dropped my towel.

I'm naked to the world.

It's a good thing you're not here.

That itches.

I shouldn't be talking to you anyway.

I'm mad at you.

This bed feels so soft.

I can feel it all over.

It drains me.

No,

I'm not going to catch cold.

Oh, goodbye.

Thank you.

Well, if it's that important, Freddy.

Oh, I see.

Right away?

Well, I'll have some hot chocolate waiting.

I see it everywhere.

Sex, sex, sex. I see it everywhere.

Well, speaking man to man, go get yourself laid.

Now, this may sound blunt, son, but take Mary Lou out and fuck her till her eyes

pop out.

I have too much respect.

I'm hurt, Mr. Perwin.

I like her too much as a person. Not a person, a woman.

And I know women.

Son, this may sound rough, but they're all looking for the same thing treated

the same way.

Rough.

Mr. Perwin! Mary Lou!

You'll see I'm right.

You just get into our pants.

Other people do it all the time.

They do?

You're my flame.

I will love you evermore. You're my flame.

I will love you evermore. It's so hard to be the

life that I once loved you before.

Get some. What?

Spanish fly.

Spanish fly?

Where do I get it?

Now, I just have to think where you get some Spanish fly.

I don't know. Let me think.

Maybe you want to go see Weird Dolores. Weird

Dolores?

Okay, split.

Spend your couple mornings talking to my brother on the phone for a while. See y

'all later. Bye.

you in an hour come to put your best dress on

Messing around with Dolores.

Miss Dolores, I just left a note.

You wiseacre. Punks like you make me mad.

God damn it, the hell.

Buddy told me to come see Weird Dolores.

Weird? Weird Dolores? You call my girl names?

You pissant. You pissant.

Losing our care person won't help.

You make me sick. You make me want to puke.

lover boy. Don't come moping around me.

Do you know what a whip is, Freddy? Just look in the mirror.

Hey, Jim!

You been getting any?

You're both disgusting.

Get out of my way.

Miss.

Ah, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Old Mary Lou must be riding a cotton pony.

No, the rag.

Stupid. The rag.

Hey, uh, how'd you do with old weird Dolores?

No, so... Maybe

I can set you up.

Really? Yeah.

Why do you think she's called Candy?

Yeah, the senior... Yeah!

You are you.

Pretty old horse.

Makes me so sad to see you moody like this.

How's your new love like?

My wife?

Seems like everybody's tuned up with me.

Why not me? Am I forgiven?

You are special, Freddie.

Hi, Mr. Perwin.

Hey, Freddie.

You're all set up.

Get the lead out of your ass.

She's ready.

She's ready.

Hey, Corn.

Hey, what's going on here?

Ah, just a tag team match.

Hi,

Mr. Perwin.

Hey, buddy, I thought you wanted to go for a walk.

Dynamite. Ball, anyone?

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Golly gee.

Okay. Okay.

Why can't I do wood?

Why? Why?

What are you still doing here?

All those kids gone left you behind.

Where we can be like the school.

Yes, Mama.

Boy, you know what, buddy?

It's a good thing Kennedy beat this.

We'd be in deep shit if they'd have elected him.

You know, one of these days, this country will need a man like this.

Yeah, about the same time it's going to need you, Collier.

No. No?

No, Dave. You're a nice kid, Freddie.

But... But you just don't have anything.

Anything?

Experience. You don't have any.

A man has to have experience before he's a man, Freddie Collier.

Hey, hold on.

I've got to have it now.

I'll call you tonight at o 'clock. It's a matter of life or death.

Ah, get out of here.

Hey, where are you going to get it if it don't exist?

Well, if it don't exist, man can create it.

Back to the chemistry lab.

Ah, the Betty Cooker Crock Book.

What does it say about finish?

Well,

here, let's start with one beer. Ah, and I have the church clean.

And a little extract of the vanilla bean.

Oh, yeah.

Make ice cream.

A little crunchy peanut butter from the peanut. Ah, yeah.

Castor oil.

Oh, yeah, my mother.

A little sauce of the Tabasco. That ought to heat up anybody.

And Mother Nature's little helper, Exlax.

Ah, master.

Sons of diarrhea, old master.

Ah, deterred monster.

We'll just give this to old Freddy, old good boy.

Not give Igor, you fool.

A secret a Spanish fly cannot be had so cheaply.

$75? Jeez.

Hey.

Maybe you don't realize how potent this stuff really is.

A millionaire downtown offered me $150 for this stuff.

What a dip.

I'm like...

And you have it for $75 just out of friendship.

But if you don't want it... Yeah. I'll think of something.

Yeah, you better.

You better.

This idiot man nickels and dimes and pennies.

Quite ready.

It's so small.

That's powerful stuff.

Just a couple of drops and as they say, va -va -va -voom.

But this is just a shoe polish bottle.

Let's nobody know what it is, dummy.

If anybody found out that that was Spanish fry, we'd get arrested.

This stuff smells like rotten shit.

I said it was powerful stuff, didn't I?

A girl take one drink of this stuff, and she'd puke all over herself.

Well, you don't let her know what it is, dummy. Just put a couple drops in the

Coke or something and give it to her, and she'll never know what hit her.

Are you sure? With this fan, even you can score, Freddie.

Hi, want a Coke?

Listen, Daddy -O, what you hiding that Coke under that newspaper for?

Huh?

Hey, Jim Dandy, I'm going to make like a tree and leave.

But... Your brother's a six -foot cockroach. You live in a two -story

See you later, alligator.

I mean, crocodile.

Oh,

hi,

how you been?

Hi, okay, and how have you been?

Pretty good, pretty good.

Oh, can I have a sip of your Coke? Huh?

I said, can I have a sip of your Coke?

Sure.

Oh, it's all hot and sticky.

We can put a nice box.

You are weird, Freddy.

You want to go for a coke?

Well, I just thought, you know, you might want to go for a coke or

Well, I could come over to your place, you know, and bring it with me.

Oh, you know, a coke. I just thought you might want a coke.

Oh, at 3 o 'clock?

Well, I could meet you at the beauty shop, you know, and bring along, you

a coke or something.

Are you sure you want lights?

Why?

What's this coat doing here?

Gregory, is this yours?

Stop, Mama. Don't do that to your mother.

Where are you going?

I'm going out.

When will you be home?

Later, Mama.

Well, don't go near that public pool. Remember, that's how people contact

Yes, Mom.

You wanted to see me, Mrs. Brown?

You missed a lesson.

What's the matter with that, Mrs. Brown? What's the matter?

Uh, what's the matter with the lamp?

It won't turn off.

Well, uh, sometimes, uh...

Unscrewing is not the answer.

Don't try to cover up for your shortcomings.

You can just cancel out the homecoming game.

Don't look now, but Freddy the Geek is coming this way.

Bye -bye, Candy.

How's it hanging, Freddy?

I'm in trouble.

Nobody take a swig of this old love juice here.

Well, if at first you don't succeed... Hey, I hear that

Judy Withers, she does it with everybody.

Yeah, Judy Withers? Judy Withers.

Thanks a lot, buddy.

Nobody deserves what she's getting.

There may be somebody who deserves what they get.

Do you want to hear a really fantastic idea?

Drink?

Coca -Cola, yeah.

Thanks.

Takes a little flat.

Well, now what do we do?

right moment, we're going to get the evidence we need to get rid of that bomb

crusher.

Ready? Yes, ma 'am.

There's only two things you have to remember.

One is to put it in, and the other one is to move around.

And I'll even help you put it in.

No. What's the matter?

Cold hands.

Well, start moving.

Come on, Kyle, you're moving. Damn it, you idiot.

Move, man.

Oh, this movie?

Ruby?

Thank you.

Take it, take it, take it, take it. Got it.

I didn't know he had it in him. No, no, listen. You know what this means, man?

What?

Coke, it's working.

Huh? The Spanish fly.

We invented Spanish fly.

I'm going to be a real stud, man. Stud?

How? We're going to be rich. You'll be rich. I'm going to be a stud.

Here, let's get out of here.

You told Mary Lou what?

From now on, I'm going to be stupid.

Get it?

Let's mix up a new batch of this Spanish fly.

I've got a heavy date with Mary Lou on Friday night, and I've got to really

perform.

What about Freddy the dork?

Aw, poor old Freddy.

I doubt that he has any idea of the power of this stuff.

Well, they got a new name, and it goes like this.

The name of the band is Ruffin Prince.

Oh,

the

park is refreshing.

I'm really down.

I just heard.

A real hot daddy -o, a super stud.

You, I should have known.

Listen, buddy, why didn't you turn on the charm for me?

How's this?

Oh, God, that shitted gag of maggot on the shit wagon.

Don't smell like the first batch.

Well, we gotta get it right before Freddy catches on.

I did it once.

I can do it again.

I'll be rich.

I'll be superstar.

Hi.

Hi.

Judy said that Superstud was out again last night.

I'm going to get jealous.

Oh, that's just gossip.

I've been resting up for you.

Darling.

Oh, that nerd Freddy Collier called again.

He did?

Yes, but I told him boys would have to wait now that I have a real man.

You tell him. Bye. Bye -bye. Until Friday.

Okay, see you then.

The little dog.

That's my love.

I know.

That you'll forever.

Well, let it be love.

I don't know what it is, but I feel so differently about you now.

And best of all, time to take your pick from that scrumptious array of tasty

treats waiting for you... Honey, darling, honey, you're wonderful.

I know.

I've never had such... It's gotta work.

It's just gotta work.

God, shit, it smells close.

Well... We don't have time to test it.

We're just going to have to trust in the scientific method.

Mary Lou would never know what... Oh,

pretty baby darling. You're wonderful, wonderful.

I know.

I've never had such...

want it now.

Okay. Coke? Popcorn?

I must have it now.

It's because of Dolores. I want it now.

Do you want a Coke? Popcorn? I must have it now.

Okay. Be back in a sec.

Hi, Candy.

I don't want to be alone.

I need somebody.

I tried to call you.

This experiment is getting out of hand.

Doom. Doom.

I want to come.

Make me come.

Now.

Dr. Forrest, have you seen Gale?

I know something awful is about to happen.

I'm worried. I don't know what to do.

Playing yourself for being so handsome and so obviously attractive.

I mean, everybody different.

Doesn't mean you're a bad person.

It's nothing. Not really. It's his richest stuff.

What's that got to do with anything?

How do you think a super stud gets to be a super stud?

The Zuni High super stud is you.

Without this junk, without his Spanish bite, super stud is a geek.

Spanish fly?

It's all your imagination.

And just to prove that there is no such thing as Spanish fly, I'm going to drink

it. No, you're crazy!

A special person, that's what you are.

That's what you are.

Get out of my house!

Please don't cry.

Baby's coming home soon.

Now the time's running even longer, but I still

can't wait for that day to appear.

Here's your darling.

Afterwards will we love each other forever?

We'll love each other forever.

that shit.

Superstead, my ass.

But Mary Lou.

You're not him.

Mary Lou.

You asshole.

Goodbye, Superstead.

is better than... Oh,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I grabbed your punch like that.

But I feel... I feel better.

But I feel... I feel... No, no, not this way.

Well, then... Well, help me.

Sue me, help.

Well, come on, Lola, baby.

Conction? Freddy?

Yes? I'm very happy I found my real man.

Now shut up.

Hey, what's the matter?

Yes, the boys like you shouldn't have any trouble getting close.