All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West S03E19 The Night Of The Underground Terror 1080p PLUT WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-FFG_track3_[eng]

THE THINGS WE DO
IN THE FAIR NAME OF DUTY.

OH, RELAX, JAMES.
IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD.

YOUR INSTRUCTIONS WERE

TO MEET A VERY ATTRACTIVE,
YOUNG LADY.

WITH YOUR LUCK, PROBABLY
TURN OUT TO BE CLEOPATRA

OR HELEN OF TROY.

YEAH, I'M SURE.

WELL, WE BETTER
START CIRCULATING.

HAVE A NICE TIME, ARTIE.

I'LL MEET YOU
BACK AT THE TRAIN.

THANK YOU, JAMES.

DON JUAN? IS THAT YOU?

REALLY YOU?

HOW CAN I KNOW FOR SURE?

LET A RED ROSE
SPEAK OF MY LOVE FOR YOU.

OH, HOW LOVELY.

DON JUAN, WHY DON'T WE...

DON JUAN!

DON JUAN, SPEAK TO ME.

LET A RED ROSE
SPEAK OF MY LOVE FOR YOU.

AND A WHITE ROSE
ANSWER FOR MINE.

I THOUGHT I'D NEVER
FIND YOU. WHAT NOW?

FOLLOW ME.

GOOD, MY LORD, DRINK
AND FIND PEACE

AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE GOBLET.

ANGELS AND MINISTERS
OF GRACE DEFEND US.

HA HA HA HA!

I THINK
WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED.

TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS

AND KISS ME
AS THOUGH YOU MEAN IT.

NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING,

BUT WHAT'S THE REASON
FOR ALL THE SECRECY?

NOW,
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?

FUNNY, I DON'T REMEMBER.

IN ANY EVENT,
LET'S NOT LINGER.

GET IN, QUICKLY!

AFTER YOU.

GET IN!

YOU HIT?

YEAH.

THIS WAY.

OHHH!

PERHAPS YOU'LL EXPLAIN
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.

CERTAINLY,
BUT FIRST, THIS MAN...

CORPORAL HAYDEN.

HE'S WOUNDED.

WOUNDED, YOU SAY?

HE'S DEAD.

SOUND THE DRUM.

ALAS, YORICK, NOW I KNOW
HOW CAESAR FELT

WHEN HE WAS DELAYED
ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM.

TELL ME, SIR,
ARE YOU BRUTUS OR CAESAR?

"WHEN BEGGARS DIE,
NO COMETS ARE SEEN."

AH, HE'S CASSIUS,
THE ASSASSIN.

"BUT THE HEAVENS
THEMSELVES

"BLAZE FORTH
THE DEATH OF PRINCES.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE."

AS LONG AS YOU'RE MIXING
HAMLET AND CAESAR,

WOULD NOT A BETTER QUOTE
HAVE BEEN,

"LET US CARVE HIM
AS A DISH FOR THE GODS,

NOT HUE HIM AS A CARCASS
FIT FOR HOUNDS"?

HA HA HA!

NOW THEN, SIR,
WHO ARE YOU?

MY NAME IS JAMES WEST.

I'M WITH THE UNITED STATES
SECRET SERVICE.

INDEED!

AND WHO INVITED YOU HERE?

I DID, FATHER.

DID YOU, NOW?

WHAT A TOUCHING THING

FOR A BLUSHING MAIDEN
TO DO--

ASKING HER YOUNG MAN
TO VISIT THE FAMILY CIRCLE.

IF I'D HAVE KNOWN
YOU WERE COMING,

I'D HAVE SEEN TO IT
THAT THE PARLOR WAS TIDIED,

WITH FRESH ANTIMACASSARS
PUT ON THE FURNITURE.

YOUR DAUGHTER WROTE TO US

THAT YOU KNOW
THE WHEREABOUTS

OF COLONEL TACITUS MOSELY.

YOU TOLD HIM WHERE?

NO. ONLY THAT YOU KNEW.

I SEE.

AND SINCE I KNOW WHERE
OUR QUARRY'S FINALLY RUN TO,

IT FOLLOWS NATURALLY

THAT I WILL DUTIFULLY INFORM
MY GOVERNMENT, IS THAT IT?

HUH.

MR. WEST, YOU'VE WASTED
YOUR TIME COMING HERE.

TACITUS MOSELY...

A REPTILE WHO MASQUERADED
AS A CONFEDERATE OFFICER

DURING THE WAR.

WHO'S CONDUCT
AT THE SUSQUEHANNA

PRISONER-OF-WAR
DETENTION CAMP

WHEN HE WAS A COMMANDANT

WAS TOO OVERPOWERING
TO DESCRIBE.

A MAN WHO PRIVATELY BOASTED
THAT THE PRISONERS HE RULED

WERE JUST SO MUCH PRIME BEEF
HERDED INTO A SLAUGHTER PEN.

AND TREATED THEM WORSE
THAN IF THEY HAD BEEN.

AND WHO DISAPPEARED
FROM SIGHT

WITH THE EASE OF A COIN
DROPPED INTO MID-OCEAN

AS SOON AS
THE CONFEDERATE HIGH COMMAND

FOUND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING MORE
TO ADD, SIR?

POSTSCRIPT,
AND A QUESTION.

DESPITE A CONTINUING
SEARCH FOR MOSELY,

HE'S COMPLETELY
DROPPED OUT OF SIGHT.

EXCELLENT POSTSCRIPT.
THE QUESTION, SIR?

AND SINCE
YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS,

WHY WON'T YOU HELP US
BRING HIM TO JUSTICE?

IT OCCURS TO ME

THAT WE'VE NEVER BEEN
PROPERLY INTRODUCED.

CHINA, MY IMPETUOUS
DAUGHTER, YOU ALREADY MET.

LIEUTENANT MABERLY...

SERGEANT COPE...

PRIVATE STEINLEN...

PRIVATE CARTER...

LIEUTENANT QUIST.

I'M MAJOR HAZARD.

MY DAUGHTER EXCEPTED,
YOU'RE LOOKING AT

THE SURVIVING MEMBERS
OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF HELL.

THE ALUMNI OF SUSQUEHANNA.

HONOR GRADUATES,
IF YOU PLEASE.

AND WE CAN PROVE IT
BY THE UNIQUE AWARDS

THAT WERE
GIVEN BY MOSELY--

THE LEGS I NO LONGER HAVE,

THE STYLISH, EMPTY SLEEVES
OF MABERLY AND COPE,

STEINLEN'S EMPTY SOCKETS,

WHERE SOME PEOPLE
KEEP THEIR EYES.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET
CARTER AND QUIST.

FOR THEM,
EVERY DAY IS MARDI GRAS.

ONLY FOR THEM, THERE WILL
NEVER BE AN UNMASKING--

NO FACES
UNDERNEATH THEIR MASKS.

SO NOW MAYBE YOU KNOW WHY

I WILL NOT HELP YOU
LAY YOUR HANDS ON MOSELY.

YOU WANT THE PLEASURE
FOR YOURSELF.

YES!

AND WHEN YOU DO?

WE'VE HAD YEARS
TO THINK, PLAN, AND REFINE

A MOST SUITABLE PUNISHMENT.

AND LOOK
WHAT IT'S COST YOU.

FIRST, YEARS
OF HOPELESS SEARCHING,

FOLLOWING UP EVERY VAGUE LEAD
AND IDLE RUMOR.

A SMALL PRICE TO PAY.

AND THEN, WHEN WE TRACKED
THE BEAST TO HIS LAIR,

AND HE KNEW
THAT WE'D FOUND HIM OUT,

THEN THE BEAST
TURNED ON US.

WE ACCEPTED THAT, CHINA.

AND SUDDENLY,
ALL OUR DAYS AND NIGHTS

BECAME A THING
OF RUNNING, HIDING,

LIVING LIKE A PACK OF RATS
IN A SEWER

BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY
WE COULD SURVIVE.

WE ACCEPTED THAT, TOO.

GETTING
COLONEL TACITUS MOSELY

WILL MAKE IT
ALL WORTHWHILE, YOU'LL SEE.

ONLY YOU'LL NEVER GET HIM!

I WILL!

NEVER!

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU'RE A COLLECTION
OF BROKEN TOYS

PITTING YOURSELVES
AGAINST A MASTER KILLER

AND HIS PRIVATE ARMY
OF KILLERS.

THAT'S WHY
I'VE CALLED IN MR. WEST.

AND FOR THAT,
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING

EXCEPT KEEPING YOU
AND THE OTHERS

FROM THROWING
YOUR LIVES AWAY.

WE WERE A MUCH LARGER
ORGANIZATION ONCE, MR. WEST.

HERE'S OUR CASUALTY ROSTER.

YOU CAN SEE HOW
THE BROTHERHOOD

IS CHIPPED AWAY
BY MOSELY'S MEN.

SLATER, BRONSON,
CARAWAY...

VANDENHOFF, GALT...
McGOVERN.

MAY I RESPECTFULLY SUGGEST

THAT YOU BRING
THIS ROSTER TO DATE

AND ADD THE NAME
OF CORPORAL HAYDEN?

SO?

MR. WEST, THE IDEA OF DYING
NEVER FRIGHTENED US.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
MAJOR,

MAYBE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN

THE FIRST RULE
OF GOOD SOLDIERING.

A GOOD SOLDIER TRIES
NOT TO DIE FOR HIS COUNTRY,

BUT TO SEE TO IT THAT
THE ENEMY DIES FOR HIS.

SPARE ME YOUR
HALF-BAKED HOMILY, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, BUT HASN'T
YOUR BROTHERHOOD

SUFFERED ENOUGH?

MAJOR, TELL ME
WHERE I CAN FIND MOSELY.

GIVE ME TWO DAYS,
AND I PROMISE YOU,

I'LL HAVE HIM ANSWER
BEFORE A COURT OF HIS PEERS

FOR EVERY CRIME
HE'S COMMITTED.

GET THE BOX, CHINA.

TWO DAYS. REMEMBER.

THE REPTILE
THAT WALKS LIKE A MAN

HAS BECOME
A RESPECTABLE SQUIRE

WITH THE PASSING
OF THE YEARS.

HIS NAME
IS NOW DOUGLAS CRAIG,

MASTER OF A FINE, OLD
SUGAR CANE PLANTATION--

"SHADOWS OF SUCRE"--
IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.

TAKE ONE REPTILE,
HAVE HIS OLD,

EASILY RECOGNIZABLE
FACE OBLITERATED,

HAVE A NEW FACE FASHIONED
WITH ARTISTRY AND CRAFT,

AND THIS IS WHAT
COLONEL TACITUS MOSELY

LOOKS LIKE TODAY.

WELL, GOOD, OLD CASSIUS.

WHO?

THAT CHARACTER
I RAN INTO LAST NIGHT

WITH THE ROMAN LEGION
TYPES.

SO IT'S COLONEL MOSELY
HIMSELF

WHO WAS TRYING TO HAVE ME
FILLETED BY HIS BOYS, HUH?

TRIED
TO KNOCK ME OFF, TOO.

HE HAD A BUSY NIGHT.

COLONEL, I THINK IT'S TIME
WE PICKED HIM UP

AT THE PLANTATION.

NO.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

CRAIG, MOSELY-- WHATEVER
HE CALLS HIMSELF--

WE CAN'T GO BARGING
INTO HIS PLANTATION

AND MAKE AN ARREST

UNTIL WE'RE SURE
OF HIS IDENTITY.

YOU MEAN FILES
FROM WASHINGTON,

WITNESSES, ET CETERA?

WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO BE CERTAIN.

COLONEL,
THAT COULD TAKE WEEKS.

PROBABLY.

WE DON'T HAVE WEEKS.
WE'VE GOT TWO DAYS.

IF WE DON'T
PICK UP MOSELY BY THEN,

A SMALL BAND OF MAIMED,
HALF-CRAZY, OLD RELICS

WILL KILL THEMSELVES
TRYING TO.

I CAN'T HELP THAT, JIM.

NOW LISTEN, GENTLEMEN,

EVER SINCE THE WORLD
TOOK A SHOCKED LOOK

AT THE SUSQUEHANNA
PRISONER-OF-WAR DETENTION CAMP

AND GOT SICK
TO ITS COLLECTIVE STOMACH,

THERE'S BEEN AN EXTRAORDINARY
COURT-MARTIAL BOARD

CONVENED IN WASHINGTON,
STAFFED, READY, WAITING.

WAITING FOR THAT
LONG-OVERDUE MOMENT

WHEN COLONEL MOSELY

IS FINALLY BROUGHT BEFORE
THE BAR OF JUDGMENT.

NOW HERE IT IS

FROM BOTH BARRELS,
GENTLEMEN, OFFICIALLY.

UNTIL THEN,
BOTH OF YOU SIT TIGHT.

OFFICIALLY, THAT IS.

HE SAID IT.

ARTIE, WHERE WERE WE

BEFORE THE COLONEL
INTERRUPTED?

YOU WERE CHARTING
A COURSE, AS I RECALL.

RIGHT.

UP THIS ROAD...

AND TO SQUIRE MOSELY'S
PLANTATION.

RAISE UP YOUR HANDS,
MONSIEUR.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
MR. CRAIG IS EXPECTING ME.

HE DID NOT TELL ME.

GET OUT, QUICKLY...

BEFORE EMILE HERE
LOSES HIS TEMPER

AND DO HORRIBLE THINGS.

EMILE'S A LITTLE
HOT-TEMPERED, HUH?

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

HE DO THINGS LIKE THIS...

AND THIS.

TAKE HIM!

COULDN'T AGREE
WITH YOU MORE...

MR. CRAIG-- SO TO SPEAK.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ANYWAY?

WELL, I WAS
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

SO I THOUGHT I'D JUST STOP BY
FOR A CHAT, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

INDEED. WHAT ABOUT?

SHOES, SHIPS,
CEILING WAX...SUSQUEHANNA.

COME IN, WON'T YOU,
MR. WEST?

WELL, JUST FOR A MOMENT,
COLONEL MOSELY.

BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

I'LL BE FRANK
WITH YOU, MR. WEST.

YOU'RE EVERYTHING I FIND
UNLIKABLE IN A MAN.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
MY SAYING SO.

PLEASE SIT DOWN,
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

THANK YOU.
NO, NO, GO ON.

BUT I MUST SAY

THAT YOU'VE CARVED OUT
A SMALL REPUTATION

FOR YOURSELF
IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

BUT PLEASE, PLEASE,
DO GO ON.

WELL, FOR INSTANCE,
YOU'RE YOUNG,

AND I NO LONGER AM.

WELL,
I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

A CERTAIN TYPE
OF IMPRESSIONABLE FEMALE

PROBABLY STILL FINDS YOU
ATTRACTIVE,

AND NEVER WAS THIS
THE CASE WITH ME.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT, TOO.

AND I SUSPECT
THAT YOU'RE NOT ENTIRELY

WITHOUT YOUR SHARE
OF BRAINS, TOO.

ALL OF WHICH
IS LEADING UP TO WHAT?

DRAFTY
IN THIS BLASTED BARN.

ALL OF WHICH
IS LEADING UP TO THIS--

YOU'RE BUMPTIOUS, COCKSURE,

UNBEARABLY AT PEACE
WITH YOURSELF.

FOR INSTANCE, AGAIN,
YOU CALLED ME "MOSELY,"

AND TOSSED IN THE WORD
"SUSQUEHANNA,"

IMPLYING, OF COURSE,
THAT I'M THE COLONEL MOSELY

WHO PRESIDED OVER
THE ADMINISTRATION

OF THE SUSQUEHANNA
PRISONER DETENTION CAMP

DURING THE WAR, OF COURSE.

AND YOU'RE NOT?

CAN YOU PROVE THAT I AM?

WHY DON'T YOU COME
TO WASHINGTON WITH ME

AND PROVE THAT YOU'RE NOT?

HA! JUST LIKE THAT, EH?

IT'S THAT CLEAR IN YOUR MIND
THAT I'D GET A FAIR TRIAL,

WITH ALL THE BUILT-IN
PRESSURE TO FIND A SCAPEGOAT.

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL...

OH, NO, NO, NO, MR. WEST.

IT'S MUCH TOO LATE FOR THAT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
OVERTURNED YOUR DRINK

BEFORE YOU SAMPLED IT.

IT'S SUCH A FUTILE THING
FOR YOU TO DO, MR. WEST.

YOU SEE, BOTH DRINKS
WERE HEAVILY LACED

WITH BELLADONNA,
ONLY I'VE MANAGED TO WORK UP

A VERY RESPECTABLE TOLERANCE
FOR THAT DRUG

THROUGH THE YEARS.

OH, MR. WEST, GLAD
TO HAVE YOU WITH US AGAIN.

FIGURED OUT
THE LITTLE DEVICE YET?

IT SEEMS
PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD.

WHEN THE MINUTE HAND
REACHES 12:00,

IT WILL COME IN CONTACT
WITH THE LINE

ATTACHED TO THE FACE
OF THE CLOCK.

NOW, SHOULD THAT MINUTE HAND
HAVE A SHARP, CUTTING EDGE--

BY THE SHEEREST
COINCIDENCE, IT DOES, YES.

IT WILL RELEASE THE LINE

AND THE WEIGHT
WILL COME DOWN,

SMASHING THE BOTTLE.

YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

WHAT THE BOTTLE CONTAINS,
AREN'T YOU?

WHY NOT? IT'S NAPHTHA,
WITH A VIAL OF NITROGLYCERIN

SUSPENDED
WITHIN THE LARGE JAR.

IT HAS ALWAYS CREATED
AN INSTANT INFERNO

WHEN I'VE TRIED IT BEFORE.

BUT I MUST GO, WEST.

WHERE ONE SECRET AGENT
HAS BEEN,

OTHERS WILL FOLLOW.

I'M SHREWD ENOUGH
TO KNOW THAT.

BUT IT WILL BE A DISTINCT
SOURCE OF COMFORT FOR ME

TO KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE
SITTING HERE WAITING

AND WATCHING
FOR THAT ECSTATIC MOMENT

WHEN THE LINE
HAS BEEN SEVERED

AND YOU'LL BE ENGULFED

IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL
LITTLE INFERNO.

IT SOUNDS VERY EXCITING,

BUT HOW IS ELIMINATING ME
GOING TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM?

OH, PLEASE UNDERSTAND,
MR. WEST,

IT IS NOT YOU WHO WILL
SHORTLY BE INCINERATED.

OFFICIALLY, IT WILL BE
MY REMAINS

THAT WILL BE FOUND THERE.

I SEE. SO YOU ASSUME THAT
BY DISAPPEARING ONCE AGAIN,

THE SEARCH FOR YOU WILL
FINALLY COME TO AN END.

YOU'LL EXCUSE ME IF I
DON'T LINGER, MR. WEST.

I HAVE SOME PACKING
TO TAKE CARE OF.

SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT
LATE, JIM,

BUT THERE WAS A PARTITION

BACK THERE
IN THAT SECRET PASSAGEWAY

WHICH DIDN'T SHOW UP
IN THE BLUEPRINT.

BELIEVE ME, ARTIE,
I WASN'T BORED.

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

THERE WE ARE.

WHO THE DEVIL ARE YOU?

WHO THE DEVIL ARE YOU?

YOU SEE, JIM?

IT IS JUST A QUESTION
OF ROUGHING UP THE VOICE

A LITTLE BIT,

AND MAKING
MY SPEECH PATTERN

A TINY BIT MORE TERSE.

I'M SURE
THAT IF I DO THAT,

I CAN DUPLICATE
HIS SPEECH EXACTLY.

NOW ALL WE NEED
IS A CONTAINER

TO TRANSPORT HIM IN.

BEAUTIFUL!

Bon, bon. C'est bon.

WHY DON'T YOU DELIVER
THE MERCHANDISE, JIM?

I'LL GET BOTH HORSES
AND FOLLOW.

Bon!

YAH!

JUST PUT IT RIGHT
DOWN THERE, PLEASE, MEN.

THANK YOU.

HERE YOU ARE.

BYE.

YOU'RE SURE HE'S NOT DEAD
IN THAT BOX?

NO, HE'S NOT DEAD.

HE'LL BE HIS OLD,
REPULSIVE SELF

LONG BEFORE
WE REACH WASHINGTON.

OH, WELL,
ABOUT WASHINGTON...

YOU BETTER TELL HIM, CHINA.

I'M AFRAID THE TRIP
TO WASHINGTON

IS GOING TO HAVE TO
BE DELAYED

UNTIL AFTER THE TRIAL.

WHAT TRIAL ARE
WE TALKING ABOUT?

THE TRIAL THAT'S BEEN
DELAYED FOR 10 YEARS NOW.

THE TRIAL THAT'S GOING
TO BE HELD

IN THE COURT-MARTIAL HALL

OF THE SUSQUEHANNA
PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP.

THE TRIAL
OF COLONEL TACITUS MOSELY

BEFORE A JURY OF HIS PEERS.

I SEE. YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE MY PRISONER

AWAY FROM ME, IS THAT IT?

I DO, UNLESS YOU
KILL US ALL FIRST.

GENTLEMEN, WE'VE WON.

MR. WEST HAS DECIDED NOT
TO SHOOT IT OUT WITH US.

YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT ME
WITH MY OWN GUN?

MR. WEST, IT'S A MATTER
OF GREAT REGRET TO ME,

BELIEVE ME,
BUT YOU'RE DEDICATED

TO PREVENTING THE ONE THING
THAT'S IMPORTANT TO US, SO...

NO, FATHER!

YOU GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON.

WELL, WE HAVE
A LONG WAY TO GO.

PERHAPS HE'LL BE USEFUL
TO US IN GETTING THERE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

MAKES SENSE TO ME.

BESIDES, WHO'S GOING
TO DEFEND COLONEL MOSELY?

OH, I WOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT THAT.

THERE'S NO DOUBT

THAT THE COURT WILL FIND
THE DEFENDANT GUILTY.

NEVERTHELESS,
EVEN IF HE IS GUILTY,

HE NEEDS GOOD COUNSEL.

CAN YOU SUGGEST
A DEFENSE COUNSEL?

YES, MYSELF.

OBJECTIONS,
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY?

THEN GENTLEMEN,

I GIVE YOU COLONEL MOSELY'S
DEFENSE COUNSEL,

THE DEVIL'S OWN ADVOCATE,
MR. JAMES WEST.

OPEN THAT DOOR
BEHIND YOU.

FANTASTIC. ABSOLUTELY,
UNBELIEVABLY FANTASTIC!

JIM WOULDN'T JUST TAKE OFF

WITHOUT LEAVING SOME KIND
OF A MESSAGE.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU AND JIM
DISOBEY MY ORDERS,

TAKE IT UPON YOURSELVES
TO BREAK IN

AND SMUGGLE COLONEL MOSELY
OUT OF HIS OWN STRONGHOLD,

RIGHT UNDER THE NOSES
OF HIS OWN GUARDS.

THANK YOU, SIR.

I HAVE TO GIVE YOU POINTS

FOR DOING
A FIRST-RATE JOB.

BUT THEN-- THEN YOU
LET THE MAN GO

AND SLIP RIGHT THROUGH
YOUR FINGERS.

I AM POSITIVE
THAT HE WAS HERE, SIR.

OH, WAS HE?
WELL, WHERE IS HE NOW?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE
WOULDN'T GO OFF

WITHOUT LEAVING SOME WORD.

FOR THAT MATTER,
WHERE'S COLONEL MOSELY?

I DON'T KNOW THAT
EITHER, SIR.

AND I WAS INDISCREET ENOUGH

TO LET CERTAIN QUARTERS
IN WASHINGTON

GET THE IDEA THAT MAYBE,
AFTER ALL THIS TIME,

WE'D FINALLY BE BRINGING
COLONEL MOSELY IN.

NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THEM
ALL WORKED UP ABOUT IT--

WHAT?

WHAT IS IT, ARTEMUS?

OH, IT'S JUST A MESSAGE
FROM JIM, THAT'S ALL.

A MESSAGE?

THAT?!

YEP. MORSE CODE--
DOTS AND DASHES.

SMALL HOLES, DOTS,
LARGE HOLES, DASHES.

PROBABLY HAD
TO POKE IT OUT

RIGHT UNDER THE NOSE

OF WHOEVER WAS HERE
WITH HIM, TOO.

VERY NEAT JOB.

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

"ARTIE, GONE TO...S.U.S."

OF COURSE!

OF COURSE, WHAT?
AND WHAT IS S.U.S?

IT HAS TO BE.

SUSQUEHANNA PRISONER-OF-WAR
DETENTION CAMP,

OR WHATEVER IS LEFT
STANDING OF IT.

WHY WOULD EVERYBODY

SUDDENLY BE GOING
BACK TO SUSQUEHANNA?

YOU'RE SURE
HE'S ALL RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, HE'S ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS JUST A SEDATIVE.

FOR YOUR SAKE,
HE'D BETTER BE.

WE'VE WAITED A LONG TIME
FOR THIS ACCOUNTING.

IF WE FIND THAT YOU'VE
CHEATED US OUT IF IT--

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO IN, MEN!

MMM.

YOUR HONOR?

YES, COUNSELOR?

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT,

I MOVE FOR A DIRECTED
VERDICT OF "NOT GUILTY."

ON WHAT GROUNDS, SIR?

ON THE GROUNDS OF FRAUD.

I'M AFRAID
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

MOSELY, SIT DOWN.

MY CLIENT
HAS BEEN ACCUSED

OF UNSPEAKABLE CRIMES
AGAINST HUMANITY.

I CAN PROVE AT THIS TIME,
BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT,

THAT THE ACCUSING WITNESSES
ARE GUILTY OF...

PERJURY.

NO, NO. DON'T SHOOT.

WHY...QUIST AND CARTER,
I'M ASTONISHED.

GO ON, COUNSELOR,

PROCEED WITH YOUR PLEA
TO THE BENCH.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TRY TO TELL ME

THAT STEINLEN, TOO...HUH?

MIDNIGHT, STEINLEN--
THE WITCHING HOUR.

TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES

AND LET ME SEE
THOSE BIG, BLUE EYES.

HEY!

AND YOU TWO,

WOULD YOU COME UP WITH
AN EXTRA PAIR OF ARMS?

HUH.

HUH. AND NOW ME?

NOW YOU.

BUT I'M NOT CLEVER
LIKE THE OTHERS.

WHAT CAN I DO?

YOU CAN STAND UP,

WITH YOUR LEGS TUCKED AWAY
IN THAT TRICK PLATFORM.

HMM.

YOU MEAN, UM...

LIKE THIS?

WELL...

I THINK WE ALL AGREE

THAT YOU DESERVE
A GREAT ROUND OF APPLAUSE

FOR SEEING THROUGH OUR
HARMLESS LITTLE CHARADE.

WHEN DID YOU FIRST BEGIN
TO SUSPECT?

WHEN I FIRST NOTICED
THE GALLERY

IN FRONT OF THE GALLOWS
WITH EIGHT SEATS.

UNH-UNH. I DON'T SEE.

AND EIGHT SEATS IN FRONT
OF THE WHIPPING POST,

AND EIGHT SEATS IN THE
COURT-MARTIAL CHAMBER.

EIGHT SEATS. I COULDN'T
HELP BUT WONDER WHY?

WHY EIGHT?

FASCINATING. GO ON.

UNTIL I REMEMBERED
READING THE FILE

ON THE SUSQUEHANNA
PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP,

PARTICULARLY THE PART
ABOUT THE COMMANDANT

AND HIS SEVEN HANDPICKED
ASSISTANTS,

WITHOUT WHOSE HELP

HE COULD NOT HAVE OPERATED
SO EFFICIENTLY.

SEVEN HANDPICKED
ASSISTANTS

WHO DISAPPEARED WITH HIM.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
MY OTHER MEN--

THE ONES
ON THE CASUALTY LIST?

THERE NEVER WERE
ANY OTHER MEN, RIGHT?

QUITE RIGHT.
BUT I STILL DON'T SEE.

EIGHT SEATS EVERYWHERE,
SO A SADISTIC COMMANDANT

AND HIS EQUALLY SADISTIC
ASSISTANTS

COULD SIT
AND ENJOY THE SUFFERINGS

OF PRISONERS OF WAR

COUNTING THE DEPARTED
CORPORAL HAYDEN,

I HAVE A STRONG HUNCH

THAT YOU AND YOUR MEN
ARE THOSE ASSISTANTS.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

PUT THAT QUESTION
TO THE BENCH.

ALL RIGHT,

THE MASQUERADE'S
BEEN DIVERTING.

COURT'S ADJOURNED!

LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS.

COME ON.

BY THE WAY, MR. WEST,

WE NEVER THANKED YOU
FOR THE OBLIGING WAY

YOU DELIVERED
COLONEL MOSELY TO US.

THINGS WERE GETTING
MUCH TOO DANGEROUS

FOR US TO TRY IT.

AS FOR YOU, COMMANDANT,
LIKE OLD TIMES, EH?

YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THIS,
MAJOR HAZARD.

ONLY THIS TIME,
HE'S NOT SITTING WITH YOU,

LEADING THE LAUGHTER,
AS HE PROBABLY USED TO.

I DON'T HAVE IT.
HONESTLY!

HONESTLY!

WHY, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE WORD MEANS.

MR. WEST, YOU SEEM TO BE
A BRIGHT, YOUNG MAN.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHY WE RENEWED
OUR OLD FRIENDSHIP

WITH THE COMMANDANT?

FOR THE SAME REASON
THIEVES AND MURDERERS

ALWAYS FALL OUT--
MONEY, I'M SURE.

EXACTLY!

WHAT WAS THE EXACT DATE,
COMMANDANT?

DON'T MATTER.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT
IS THIS--

THAT IN THE CLOSING DAYS
OF THE WAR,

A CHEST ARRIVED HERE

CONTAINING
$1 MILLION IN GOLD.

IT WAS TO HAVE BEEN
DELIVERED TO HEADQUARTERS,

BUT YOU NEVER SENT IT.

HAZARD, I-I SWEAR...

THE POT
WAS BEGINNING TO HEAT UP

AND THE ENEMY
WAS ON THE MARCH.

THE GALLANT COMMANDANT
SKIPPED.

BUT FIRST, YOU HID THAT MONEY
RIGHT HERE IN THIS CAMP.

NOW, YOU KNOW THE REST
OF THIS STORY, DON'T YOU?

AH...NOW THE COLONEL'S
GOT A BAD MEMORY.

RIGHT AGAIN.

BUT WITH THE AID
OF QUIST'S BULLWHIP

AND OTHER USEFUL
MEMORY AIDS WE HAVE--

I SAY,
DASH IT ALL, BE QUIET!

HOW CAN ANYONE DO ANY
OF THIS WORK HERE?

HOLD ON THERE!
WHO THE DEVIL ARE YOU?

SO MUCH--
QUIET, IF YOU PLEASE.

"FABIAN REDBLOGEL,
DOWSING, DIVINING, AND..."

'CEPT FOR THE FANCY WORDS,
IT JUST MEANS

THAT YOU FIND WATER
WITH THAT GADGET.

YES, AND ANYTHING ELSE
THAT'S UNDERGROUND.

AT THE MOMENT,
I'M LOOKING FOR GOLD.

GOLD?

HOLD ON!
DID YOU SAY GOLD?

OH, QU ITE.

I NE VE R TH OUGHT
OF FIN DING GOLD

IN A PLACE
AS UNLIKELY AS THIS.

PROBABLY SEEMS STRANGE
TO YOU,

BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU

THAT THIS VERY
EFFICIENT VERSION

OF THE ANCIENT DOWSING STAKE
HAS NEVER FAILED ME YET.

LEAVE HIM BE!
LEAVE HIM BE NOW!

I'M SURE HE KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

YOU GO ON, MISTER.
GO ON.

THANK YOU SO VERY MU--

I SAY, YOUR RIGHT FOOT--

WOULD YOU MIND MOVING
IT OVER JUST A SMIDGE?

OH, YEAH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, YES.

VERY STRONG
ASTRAL VIBRATIONS...

RIGHT ABOUT HERE.

MARVELOUS.

OOP!

LOOK OUT, LOOK OUT NOW!
LET HIM BE, LET HIM BE.

GIVE HIM ROOM!
GIVE HIM ROOM!

I'VE NEVER FELT
THAT MUCH PULL BEFORE.

THERE. THERE HAS TO BE
GOLD THERE.

HAS TO BE GOLD
RIGHT THERE!

I'M CERTAIN OF IT!

A GOLD NUGGET!
GET THAT SHOVEL!

I BET IT'S WORTH $50!

YOU SAY YOU DIDN'T
HIDE IT, HUH?

HOLD IT! THERE'S SOME
VERY STRONG--

I THINK I'M ONTO
SOMETHING BIG!

THERE'S SOME INTERFERENCE

WITH THE ASTRAL VIBRATIONS
HERE--

PROBABLY SOME IRON ORE
SOMEWHERE AROUND IT.

OF COURSE!
IT'S THOSE BLASTED GUNS!

THEY'RE JUST
MESSING UP EVERYTHING!

I CAN'T POSSIBLY
FIND ANYTHING

WITH THE IRON AROUND!

PUT THEM OVER THERE.

RIGHT OVER THERE.
PILE THEM TOGETHER.

WELL, IT'S THE ONLY WAY

THE STICK WILL FIND
ANY GOLD AT ALL.

COME ON.

THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
THE SHOVEL, TOO.

GIVE ME THAT SHOVEL.

OH, YES. OH, INDEED.

IT'S WORKING
JUST FINE NOW.

AH, YES, INDEED.

OH, IT'S STRONG!

I FEEL STRONG
ASTRAL VIBRATIONS!

NOW, STAND BACK,
CAN'T YOU?

YOU'RE CROWDING ME!

I DON'T WANT YOU

MESSING UP
MY ASTRAL VIBRATIONS HERE.

IF YOU JUST STAY THERE,
I'LL FIND IT.

OH, INDEED.
VERY STRONG NOW.

YES, INDEED.

OH, MY!

YET IT PULLS
IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

OH, YES.

COUPLE OF LOUD NOISES
COMING UP, JIM.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT, ARTIE.

JIM!

HE'S DEAD.

WELL, HE GOT THE GOLD
HE WAS AFTER.

TIME TO GO, COLONEL.

YOU'LL FIND
THAT WASHINGTON'S LOVELY

THIS TIME OF YEAR.

FINALLY, WITH THE
APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT

BEING METED OUT

TO EVERY LAST ONE
OF THE PERSONNEL

WHO MADE IT
THE HELLHOLE THAT IT WAS,

SUSQUEHANNA
PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP

WILL BECOME THE SIGHT

FOR PARKS, HOMES,
AND PLAYGROUNDS.

"AND THEY SHALL BEAT THEIR
SWORDS INTO PLOWSHARES

AND THEIR SPEARS
INTO PRUNING HOOKS."

IT WAS A LONG TIME OVERDUE,

BUT IT'S WELCOME
JUST THE SAME.

I'M GLAD ABOUT CHINA.

SHE REALLY WAS NEVER
PART OF THE BROTHERHOOD.

THE JURY APPARENTLY
FELT THE SAME WAY

WHEN THEY
RECOMMENDED PAROLE.

ARTIE, HOW DID YOU KNOW

THAT THE GOLD WAS BEHIND
THIS WHOLE SORDID MESS?

OH, ONE OF MY USUAL
FLASHES OF INTUITION.

THAT, PLUS A LOT
OF RESEARCH THAT I DID

WHEN I GOT YOUR MESSAGE

THAT YOU'D LEFT TO GO
BACK TO THE SUSQUEHANNA.

I FOUND THAT THERE WAS
A MILLION DOLLARS IN GOLD

THAT HAD BEEN BURIED
AND NEVER RECOVERED.

WELL, GENTLEMEN, I SUGGEST
A MODEST VICTORY TOAST.

YOU CARE TO JOIN ME?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YOU KNOW ME.

SALUD!

- CAPTIONS BY VITAC--
BURBANK, PITTSBURGH, WASHINGTON

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
PARAMOUNT DOMESTIC TELEVISION