Original subtitles

[BILL] HEY EVERYONE.

OUR EXECUTIVE PRODUCER HAS

ASKED US TO STOP DOING SUCH

HIGH-CONCEPT THREADS AND DO

SOMETHING SIMPLER,

LIKE GET A CELEBRITY GUEST.

SO...

[BRIAN] WE BUILT A TIME MACHINE.

BOOM.

[BILL] AND WE'RE GOING TO GO

BACK AND GET MARILYN MONROE.

[BRIAN] YOU READY?

[BILL] YEAH.

[BRIAN/BILL] FOR MARILYN.

[BRIAN] UM...

WHAT THE F--- DID YOU DO, BILL?

[BILL] I... I WAS TRYING TO DRUG

HER TO GET HER BACK HERE.

[BRIAN] SLEEPING PILLS.

YOU GAVE HER A FULL BOTTLE OF

SLEEPING PILLS.

COUNTER. THEY WERE THE ONLY

THING I HAD ACCESS TO. I THOUGHT

SHE COULD HANDLE THEM.

[BRIAN] SHE DIED IN MY ARMS!

[BRIAN] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

KILLED HER.

(CRYING) OH MY GOD.

[BILL] BRIAN, HOLD YOURSELF

TOGETHER.

[BRIAN] (CRYING)

[BILL] (SLAP) SHUT UP!

[BILL] I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU

CAN KEEP THIS SECRET.

[BRIAN] I CAN KEEP IT,

(CREEPY MUSIC)

[BRIAN] IS THAT MARILYN'S MOLE?

[■■]

[BILL] BROTHER, THE VILLAGE IS

UNDER ATTACK. WE MUST GET TO THE

DRAGONS AND DEFEAT OUR ENEMIES!

[GARY] YEAH... OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA DO IT.

[BILL] THE VILLAGE NEEDS YOU.

YOU'RE A DRAGON RIDER.

[GARY] I KNOW. I JUST, I DON'T

KNOW IF I WANNA BE A DRAGON

RIDER ANYMORE.

[BILL] HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A

THING? DON'T LET THE DRAGONS

HEAR YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT.

[GARY] I DON'T THINK THE DRAGONS

EVEN REALLY KNOW THAT WE'RE

RIDING THEM. THEY JUST KINDA FLY

AROUND AND RANDOMLY BURN SHIT.

[BILL] YEAH, THEY BURN THE

VILLAGES OF OUR ENEMIES.

[GARY] NO, MOST OF THEM ARE OUR

OWN VILLAGES. YEAH. THEY BURN

OUR OWN VILLAGES.

[BILL] A DRAGON'S FLAME ALWAYS

BURNS TRUE.

[GARY] I DON'T KNOW. MY DRAGON

IS F---ING CRAZY. LAST WEEK HE

ATE AN ENTIRE SPRUCE TREE. I

DIDN'T TELL HIM TO DO THAT. HE

JUST STARTED EATING IT. THE

WHOLE THING. LIKE, WHOLE. DIDN'T

EVEN CHEW IT. HE JUST WENT...

(SWALLOWING SOUNDS)

[GARY] AND I SWEAR TO GOD HE WAS

MAKING EYE-CONTACT WITH ME WHEN

HE DID IT. AND HE WAS CRYING.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I DON'T

KNOW MAN. THEY DON'T EVEN FIGHT

WHEN WE TELL THEM TO FIGHT,

SO...

[BILL] WELL, THEY FOUGHT AT THE

BATTLE OF VATIGON GREEN IF YOU

CAN'T REMEMBER.

[GARY] OH YEAH, I DIDN'T MAKE

THAT. BECAUSE MY DRAGON WAS JUST

ROLLING AROUND IN A FIELD EATING

SHEEP RANDOMLY, ALONG WITH ALL

THE OTHER DRAGONS, EXCEPT YOURS.

[BILL] IT WAS A GLORIOUS BATTLE.

TWAS THE DAY I LOST MY EYE.

[GARY] YUP, TO YOUR OWN DRAGON.

HE ATE YOUR OWN EYE.

[BILL] I'M SURE HE HAD A GOOD

REASON.

[GARY] I DON'T THINK HE DID.

HE'S JUST DUMB, DUMB DRAGON.

YOUR DRAGON'S AN A---HOLE. I'M

JUST TIRED OF IT. I DON'T LIKE

THIS. I DON'T LIKE THIS LIFE. WE

WERE FINE BEFORE THE DRAGONS

SHOWED UP. THERE USED TO BE

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED

HERE. NOW THERE'S ONLY 14.

[BILL] THE NOBLE 14,

CHOSEN BY DRAGONS TO LIVE.

[GARY] CHOSEN BY DRAGONS TO

LIVE? WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS?

OKAY? THIS IS A CRAPPY, CRAPPY

LIFE. WE LIVE IN HUTS FOR GOD'S

SAKES.

[BILL] GARY, STOP IT.

[BILL] WHAT? YOU DON'T THINK I

DON'T MISS MY WIFE? MY MINI-VAN?

THURSDAY NIGHTS AT BOSTON PIZZA?

YEAH, I MISS IT ALL. BUT THIS IS

OUR LIFE, AND ALL WE'VE GOT ARE

THOSE DRAGONS. SO YOU CAN EITHER

SIT HERE AND FEEL SORRY FOR

YOURSELF, OR YOU CAN GO FIGHT

THOSE DRAGONS OVER THERE WITH

THESE DRAGONS OVER HERE.

[GARY] ALL RIGHT.

[BILL] BROTHER! TO THE DRAGONS!

[GARY] TO THE DRAGONS!

[BILL] (SCREAMING)

[GARY] (SCREAMING)

CRACKADON!

[BILL] CHARGE!

>>(GRUNTING)

[GARY] OKAY THERE-- OH-- OH--

I THINK HE'S--

YEAH HE'S MOUNTING...

THE OTHER ONE.

OH, THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK.

>>(GRUNTING)

[GARY] OH BOY.

[BILL] CRACKADON ALWAYS ATTACKS

[■■]

[SCOTT] I WANNA TALK TO YOU

ABOUT SOMETHING THAT INSPIRES ME

AND THAT THING IS EXCELLENCE.

[SCOTT] BECAUSE EXCELLENCE

MATTERS. WE NEED TO FOCUS ON

RESULTS AND ACHIEVE THE

BREAKTHROUGHS THAT WILL LAUNCH

US INTO THE REALM OF EXACTITUDE.

BUT BEFORE WE TAKE THIS TRAIN

DOWN BUSINESS RIVER, THERE ARE A

FEW MORE TOOLS WE NEED TO PACK

IN OUR BUSINESS BAG. FIRST, WE

NEED TO RISE UP IN ORDER TO BE

HIGHER. SECOND, WHEN FACED WITH

ADVERSITY, REMEMBER THIS

ACRONYM: "PAW"

PENETRATE, ABBREVIATE, WOW.

[SCOTT] THIRD, DON'T ADD VALUE.

MULTIPLY VALUE, OR ATTACH AN

EXPONENT. MATH GIVES US OPTIONS.

[SCOTT] DO THINGS!

[SCOTT] NOW I WANT YOU TO POINT

YOUR FINGER AND THUMB LIKE IT'S

A GUN. THIS WILL BE YOUR

EXCELLENCE GUN. POINT THIS AT

WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE AND

SAY, "I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU

BUT I WILL".

[SCOTT] THIS GUN IS FULL OF

GUMPTION AND STEEL AND I WILL

FILL YOU WITH BOTH IF I DON'T

GET RESULTS.

[SCOTT] NOW THIS CAN BE AN

EXCELLENCE HAND GRENADE OR AN

EXCELLENCE FLAME-THROWER. THE

WEAPON ISN'T IMPORTANT AS LONG

AS THE THREAT IS CREDIBLE. SO IN

CONCLUSION:

[SCOTT] EXCELLENCE, BUSINESS,

BUSINESS BAG, RESULTS, WOW, RISE

UP, GUNS, SPREADSHEETS, BUSINESS

EXCELLENCE...

[■■]

[ANDREW] HEY GUYS. SO WHEN I WAS

IN GRADE FIVE, THERE WAS THIS

GIRL, ALYSSA, THAT I HAD A

REALLY BIG CRUSH ON, BUT I WAS

JUST TOO NERVOUS TO ASK HER OUT.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE THIS

TIME MACHINE, GO BACK IN TIME

AND CONVINCE MYSELF TO ASK HER

OUT.

[CHERYL] THAT SEEMS REALLY

INCONSEQUENTIAL, ANDY.

[ANDREW] WELL, YOU WOULDN'T SAY

THAT IF YOU MET HER, SO...

SEE YOU IN A SECOND.

[CHERYL] I MIGHT SAY THAT.

[ANDREW] (GASPING)

[CHERYL] ANDY? WHAT HAPPENED?

[ANDREW] I CONVINCED MY YOUNGER

SELF TO ASK HER OUT. SHE SAID

NO. SHE DIDN'T WANT IT. SHE WAS

HAVING NONE OF THAT. OH YEAH,

SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME AT ALL. SO, I

GOT ANGRY AT HER. I GOT REALLY

ANGRY AND I, UH, YEAH, I SAID,

"WHO ARE YOU", YOU KNOW, "YOU

GOTTA GO OUT WITH ME. LOOK HOW

COOL I AM!" AND THEN I GUESS A

BUNCH OF TEACHERS SAW MY YELLING

AT A 10-YEAR OLD, BECAUSE I

SHOOK HER A BIT. I SHOOK HER

JUST A LITTLE BIT...

[ANDREW] THEY OVERREACTED. IT

WAS JUST A COUPLE SHAKES!

[CHERYL] YEAH, OKAY. A COUPLE

SHAKES FROM AN ADULT MAN TO A

CHILD'S FRAIL BODY IS NOT A

SMALL THING.

[ANDREW] YES, SO I HAD TO GET

OUT OF THERE. I GOT RIGHT OUT OF

THERE, RIGHT? I JUST TOOK OFF.

BOOM.

[ANDREW] I HIT HER UP WHEN SHE

WAS 16-YEARS OLD, TALKED TO HER.

THAT WAS A, THAT WAS A BAD IDEA

BECAUSE SHE RECOGNIZED ME, SHE

REMEMBERED. APPARENTLY THAT WAS

REALLY STRONG IN HER MIND. THE

SHAKING.

[CHERYL] WELL, YEAH, YOU DON'T

FORGET THE 30-YEAR OLD DERANGED

MAN WHO SHAKES YOU.

[ANDREW] UH, THIS TIME I DIDN'T.

I JUST LOOKED AT HER AND I JUST

GAVE HER A SHAKE BECAUSE, YOU

KNOW, SHE JUST REALLY F---ED UP

MY LIFE.

[CHERYL] STOP SHAKING THIS

WOMAN!

[ANDREW] YEAH, SO SHE SHOULD BE

ABOUT, I THINK, 31 RIGHT NOW,

SO, UM...

(CLICK)

(CLICK)

[ANDREW] I'M NOT SURE. I THINK I

SNAPPED HER NECK. I DON'T KNOW.

[CHERYL] YOU SNAPPED HER NECK?

[ANDREW] I DON'T KNOW. THERE WAS

A LITTLE BIT OF A - CLICK - YOU

KNOW? AND... MAYBE SHE FELL

ASLEEP OR SOMETHING?

[CHERYL] SHE DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP.

YOU DON'T SHAKE SOMEONE TO

SLEEP.

[ANDREW] I CAN'T GO BACK TO THE

SCENE OF THE CRIME. SHE MAY BE

JUST SLEEPING. JUST KNOCK ON THE

DOOR. I'M REALLY SCARED.

SHE WAS TOTALLY LIMP, MAN.

SHE WAS ASLEEP.

[CHERYL] OKAY, FINE. FINE!

[ANDREW] THANK YOU.

IF SHE IS DEAD, IF SHE IS DEAD,

JUST, UM, CAN YOU F---ING HIDE

[■■]

[MARK] HEY GUYS.

SO IT'S TIME TO STOP MESSING

AROUND AND START USING THIS

TIME MACHINE FOR GOOD.

SO I'M GONNA GO BACK IN

TIME AND KILL HITLER.

[ANDREW] HOW?

[MARK] CHECK THIS OUT. I'M GONNA

GO BACK TO BEFORE HE WAS BORN

AND KILL HIS MOM.

[ANDREW] SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA

KILL AN INNOCENT WOMAN?

[MARK] SHE'S NOT INNOCENT. SHE

CREATED EVIL. THAT'S THE CRIME

BEFORE THE CRIME, AND I'M GONNA

STOP THAT CRIME. WISH ME LUCK.

[ANDREW] MARK, YOU--

[ANDREW] OKAY. GREAT.

[MARK] OH, HEY MAN.

[ANDREW] SO, DID YOU...

DID YOU DO IT?

[MARK] UH, NO.

[ANDREW] YOU DIDN'T. OKAY.

[MARK] I FOUND HER.

[ANDREW] YEAH?

[MARK] YEAH.

[ANDREW] AND THEN WHAT--

[MARK] SHE IS A HANDSOME WOMAN.

[MARK] I HAD SEX WITH HITLER'S

MOM.

[ANDREW] DID...

DID YOU FATHER HITLER?

[MARK] HAVEN'T WE ALL FATHERED

HITLER IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

[ANDREW] NO. NO WE HAVEN'T. THAT

HAVE DONE, MARK.

[MARK] WELL, I HAVE.

[ANDREW] OKAY.

[MARK] I HAVE FATHERED HITLER.

I'M HITLER'S DAD.

[ANDREW] YOU WERE THERE FOR FIVE

YEARS?

[MARK] I WANTED TO SEE HIM GROW

UP. HE'S MY BABY BOY.

[ANDREW] OH YOU'RE IN THE

HISTORY BOOKS. THERE YOU ARE.

[MARK] THAT'S THE AMAZING THING,

IS THAT HE HAD THAT MUSTACHE

EVER SINCE HE WAS A BABY. THAT'S

CRAZY.

SOMETHING.

[MARK] I'VE GOT IT. I'VE GOT IT.

[ANDREW] OKAY.

[MARK] I'M GONNA GO BACK IN TIME

AND STOP THIS FROM EVER

HAPPENING.

[ANDREW] DON'T TOUCH THAT.

STOP IT!

(CLICK)

[ANDREW] OKAY.

IT'S--

[ANDREW] GREAT. GREAT.

OKAY? DID YOU? WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

[ANDREW] YOU HAD A THREESOME

WITH YOURSELF?

[ANDREW] THERE'S TWO OF YOU NOW

BESIDE HER. THAT'S--

[ANDREW] GIVE IT TO ME.

GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT.

GIVE IT--

(CLICK)

[MARK] WHOA! MAMA!

TALK ABOUT THIS EVER AGAIN,

OKAY?

[MARK] BUDDY, THE HISTORY BOOKS

WILL DO ALL THE TALKING FOR US.

[ANDREW] I'M TOTALLY NAKED!

[ANDREW] A F---ING SPREAD IN A

HISTORY BOOK?!

(WATER RUNNING)

[MICHAEL] HEY RICHARD?

[RICHARD] OH. HELLO MICHAEL.

[MICHAEL] YOU'RE UP EARLY.

[RICHARD] YEAH. SO YOU STAYED

OVER AT ANNE'S HOUSE LAST NIGHT

HUH?

[MICHAEL] I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW

THAT YOU LIKED HER.

[RICHARD] NO, IT'S COOL. I

DIDN'T MAKE THAT CLEAR, SO...

BLAME BUT MYSELF ON THAT ONE.

CATCH A NAP, BECAUSE I'VE GOTTA

GO TO WORK IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.

[RICHARD] OKAY. OH, YOU GOTTA

GET SOME ZZZ'S. YOU'RE PROBABLY

PRETTY BAGGED FROM LAST NIGHT,

HUH? I'LL PROBABLY STILL BE HERE

WHEN YOU GET UP, WITH ALL THESE

DISH TO WASH.

[MICHAEL] HEY RICHARD. WHAT DID

YOU DO TO MY BED?

[RICHARD] I CUT IN HALF WITH A

SWORD.

[MICHAEL] YOU CUT IT IN HALF

WITH A SWORD?

[MICHAEL] WHERE DID YOU GET A

SWORD?

[RICHARD] FROM A HOMELESS

KNIGHT.

[MICHAEL] OKAY, GREAT. WHERE DID

YOU REALLY GET A SWORD?

[RICHARD] YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

HOW SURPRISING FOR OUR

RELATIONSHIP. SIR PERCIVAL?

[SIR PERCIVAL] YES, ME LORD?

[RICHARD] WHAT IS YOUR

OCCUPATION, SIR PERCIVAL?

[SIR PERCIVAL] KNIGHT, ME LORD.

[RICHARD] AND YOUR CURRENT

RESIDENTIAL STATUS?

[SIR PERCIVAL] HOMELESS.

[RICHARD] A HOMELESS KNIGHT.

(BICKERING)

[MICHAEL] OKAY. ALRIGHT. WHERE

ARE OUR CUPS?

[RICHARD] OH, I REPLACED THEM.

ORB IN OUR CUPBOARD FOR?

[RICHARD] WHY DON'T YOU LOOK

DIRECTLY INTO ITS CORE AND FIND

OUT WHAT KIND OF SECRETS IT

HOLDS?

[MICHAEL] I'M NOT LOOKING INTO

IT. IT'S TOO BRIGHT.

[RICHARD] PLEASE LOOK INTO THE

ORB.

[MICHAEL] I'M NOT LOOKING INTO

IT.

[RICHARD] PLEASE.

[MICHAEL] I'M NOT LOOKING INTO

THAT ORB, OKAY?!

[RICHARD] FOR ONCE, DO SOMETHING

FOR ME.

[MICHAEL] I'M NOT LOOKING INTO

IT.

[RICHARD] DAMN IT! IT'S SUPPOSED

TO STEAL YOUR SOUL.

[RICHARD] YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE

MAN. DO NOT TRIFLE WITH ME,

OKAY? I'M NOT WHAT I SEEM. I'VE

GOT PALMS ON BOTH SIDES OF MY

HANDS. I CAN SHAKE YOU

WHICH-WAYS.

[MICHAEL] OKAY, WILL YOU JUST

STOP IT?

[SIR PERCIVAL] ME LORD, I AM IN

NEED OF YOUR AID!

[RICHARD] HEY! YOU BOX CAR

WIZARD! OFF MY LAWN!

SIR PERCIVAL, PURSUE HIM!

[SIR PERCIVAL] RIGHT AWAY.

[RICHARD] DO NOT RIDE MY RAKE

LIKE A BROOM, PERCIVAL.

[RICHARD] I TELL HIM AGAIN, I

TELL HIM, I TELL HIM, I TELL

HIM, I TELL HIM, I TELL HIM, I

TELL HIM...

[MICHAEL] THERE IS ABSOLUTELY--

(BUZZING)

[RICHARD] NICE WORK LITTLE BOY.

(SCREAMING)

[■■]

■THERE'S AN 8-YEAR OLD

AND A VOLCANO■

■TALKIN ABOUT THINGS

ABOUT 8-YEAR OLDS■

[JONATHAN] HEY VOLCANO.

[VOLCANO] HEY, JONATHAN.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

[JONATHAN] THERE'S THIS GIRL AT

SCHOOL THAT I LIKE, BUT I DON'T

KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HER.

[VOLCANO] YOU SHOULD TELL HER

HOW YOU FEEL.

[JONATHAN] BUT I'M NERVOUS.

[VOLCANO] OH DON'T BE. YOU JUST

GOTTA GO UP TO HER AN (BEEP!)

GET THE (BEEP!) OUT OF HERE!

I'M GONNA BLOW!

(SCREAMING)

(COUGHING)

[VOLCANO] OH. OH MAN.

YOU OKAY MAN?

OH... OH NO. I'M SORRY.

■THERE'S AN 8-YEAR OLD

AND A VOLCANO■

■TALKIN ABOUT THINGS

[EVANY] OKAY. SCOTT AND I HAVE

DECIDED TO USE OUR TURN WITH THE

TIME MACHINE TO BACK TO BEING IN

1982 AND SEE HUEY LEWIS AND THE

NEWS, LIVE IN CONCERT.

[SCOTT] THEY WERE MY FAVOURITE

BAND GROWING UP. LOVE THEM.

SUPER EXCITED.

[EVANY] ME TOO. LET'S DO THIS.

[SCOTT] LET'S DO IT.

(CLICK)

(CLICK)

[EVANY] THAT WAS...

OKAY.

[SCOTT] IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

A LOT OF SAXOPHONE.

[■■]

>>TIRED OF THE SAME OLD BORING

GAMES?

[JASON] MAN, THIS GAME SUCKS.

>>MEGALORD WARS.

ARE YOU READY FOR BATTLE?

[MEGALORD] MEGALORD IS HERE!

[JASON] WHOA!

[MEGALORD] READY FOR A REAL

GAME?

[JASON] YEAH!

[MEGALORD] TRY THIS!

>>MEGALORD WARS.

[MEGALORD] DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT

TAKES?

CAN YOU SAVE THE WORLD?

[MEGALORD] CAN YOU SUMMON THE

ENERGY TO SHOOT DOWN THE SQUARES

WITH YOUR GUN?

ALL THE WHILE PLAYING A SWEET

GUITAR RIFF?

OH YEAH!

(HEAVY GUITAR)

[MOM] JASON, WHAT IS GOING ON UP

THERE?

[JASON] NOTHING.

[MEGALORD] JUST SUMMON MEGALORD

NEXT TIME YOU'RE READY FOR

BATTLE.

[MEGALORD] WOOO!

[■■]

>>MEGALORD WARS.

(DOOR SHUTTING)

[MEGALORD] (SIGH)

>>YOU'RE LATE, MEGALORD.

[MEGALORD] SORRY BOSS.

[MEGALORD] OH, HEY MAN.

[COOK] I DIDN'T SEE YOU WHEN I

GOT UP THIS MORNING. LEFT THE

APARTMENT EARLY?

[MEGALORD] YEAH, I HAD BAND

PRACTICE THIS MORNING. BATTLE OF

THE BANDS THIS FRIDAY.

[COOK] SPEAKING OF THE

APARTMENT, UH, I ASKED SHELLEY

TO MOVE IN WITH ME.

[MEGALORD] OH, HEY,

CONGRATULATIONS, MAN.

[COOK] THANKS, MAN.

[MEGALORD] THAT'S SO GREAT FOR

YOU GUYS.

[COOK] YEAH, SO IF YOU COULD BE

OUT BY FRIDAY.

[MEGALORD] OH...

[COOK] OKAY, COOL MAN. ALRIGHT.

[MEGALORD] UH, YEAH.

[COOK] THANK YOU.

[MEGALORD] HEY, LISTEN, IF UH...

[MEGALORD] ALRIGHT.

(BUZZ)

[MEGALORD] MEGALORD IS NEEDED.

(GUITAR SOLO)

[MEGALORD] MEGALORD! YEAH!

>>DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO

DEFEAT THE EVIL WIZARD ONCE AND

FOR ALL?

(METAL GUITAR)

(SCREAM)

[MEGALORD] YOU'VE GOT TIME FOR

ONE MORE GAME, RIGHT?

[JASON] ACTUALLY, I'M KINDA

TIRED. I SHOULD PROBABLY GET TO

BED.

[MEGALORD] OKAY, YEAH.

ALRIGHT.

NEXT TIME YOU, UH,

WANNA PLAY...

[JASON] MEGALORD WILL... YEAH.

[MEGALORD] WOO! YEAH!

(CAR STARTING, STALLING)

[MEGALORD] (SIGH)

[MEGALORD] HEY, SORRY. MY UM...

...CAR WON'T START.

[MOM] SHOULD JUST BE A FEW

MINUTES.

[MEGALORD] OH, GREAT. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[MOM] NO PROBLEM.

[MOM] SO, UH, IS THIS A FULL

TIME GIG FOR YOU?

[MEGALORD] OH, NO. IT'S MORE

LIKE A SACRED DUTY. UH, MY REAL

PASSION IS FOR MUSIC. YEAH. MY

BAND, MEGABAND, WE ACTUALLY GOT

A, UM, A SHOW COMING UP THIS

FRIDAY. IT'S A BATTLE OF THE

BANDS.

[MOM] OH WOW. OKAY.

[MEGALORD] YOU'RE PROBABLY BUSY,

BUT--

[MOM] YEAH. BUT--

[MEGALORD] YEAH.

[MOM] IT'S A VERY SPECIAL

POSTER, SO--

[MEGALORD] YEAH. OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[MEGALORD] SO, IS THERE A

MR. WILLIAMS?

[MOM] UH, NO. HE PASSED AWAY.

[MEGALORD] OH. OH, I'M SORRY TO

HEAR THAT. UH, IF YOU EVER NEED

ANYONE TO COME BY AND HELP YOU

OUT WITH JASON, YOU KNOW, TUCK

HIM IN AT NIGHT OR IF YOU

PERSONALLY NEED--

[MOM] IT'S OKAY.

[MEGALORD] JUST LIKE A FRIEND OR

A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.

[MOM] NO.

[MEGALORD] NO?

YOU.

[MEGALORD] COOL. YEAH, YEAH. NO,

THAT'S COOL. YEAH.

[MOM] YEAH.

[MEGALORD] UM, IT JUST GETS SO

LONELY ON THE ROAD.

WITH YOUR BAND?

[MEGALORD] NO. NO.

YOU CAUGHT ME.

[MOM] OH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CATCH

YOU, I JUST--

[MEGALORD] I THINK YOU'D LOVE A

COUPLE OF OUR SONGS.

[MOM] (LAUGHS)

[MEGALORD] I COULD SING FOR YOU

RIGHT NOW.

[MOM] OH THAT'S OKAY. YOU REALLY

DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

[MEGALORD] OH, I DON'T MIND AT

ALL. IT'S SORT OF LIKE A--

[MOM] THE CAR'S PROBABLY READY.

[MEGALORD] (SINGING)

LOVE IS NOT A THING

YOU CAN SAY NO TO.

LOVE IS JUST THE WAY

THAT I FEEL.

AND BABY,

YOU KNOW THAT IT'S REAL,

YOU KNOW THAT IT'S REAL,

YOU KNOW THAT IT'S REAL!

[MOM] I'M JUST GONNA--

[MEGALORD] AND THEN IT BREAKS

DOWN INTO THE CHORUS.

IT'S SORT OF LIKE:

[MEGALORD] (SINGING)

DON'T EVER SAY GOODNIGHT--

[MOM] I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE

THIS--

[MEGALORD] I WAS THINKING FOR

THE MUSIC VIDEO MIGHT BE LIKE ME

DRESSED UP LIKE A WOLF, JUST

LETTIN' THE MOON HAVE IT.

[MOM] JUST GONNA WORRY ABOUT MY

CAR IN THE MORNING. YOU CAN JUST

LEAVE THE CABLES ON THE PORCH.

[MEGALORD] OH YEAH, YEAH. OKAY.

THANKS VERY MUCH AGAIN.

THANK YOU.

[MOM] NOT A PROBLEM. ANY TIME.

[MEGALORD] OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU

LATER THEN.

[■■]

[EVANY] OKAY GENTLEMEN, WE NEED

TO RIGHT SOME WRONGS HERE THAT

YOU IDIOTS HAVE CAUSED, SO WE'RE

GOING TO GO BACK IN TIME TO

UN-KILL MARILYN MONROE.

[BRIAN] THANK YOU.

[EVANY] AND TO STOP MARK FROM

JAMMING HIS D--- IN HITLER'S

MOM.

[BRIAN] FOR MARILYN!

[EVANY] YOU IDIOT.

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[EVANY] (HIGH PITCH VOICE)

WHERE IS BRIAN?!

[MARK] (HIGH PITCH VOICE)

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK THE TIME MACHINE

SUB-DIVIDE!

WE GOTTA FIND HIM.

[CHERYL] MARK?

EVANY?

[SCOTT] IT IS I. FUTURE SCOTT.

[SCOTT] YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER.

[SCOTT] HURRY. THERE'S NOT MUCH

TIME.

[CHERYL] BUT I'M... I'M FINE.

[SCOTT] FOR ARE NOW.

[CHERYL] WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

[SCOTT] YOU SHOULD KNOW.

YOU INVENTED IT.

[CHERYL] OH, I INVENTED SILVER

TRENCH COATS.

[SCOTT] YOU LIKE BIRDS?

[CHERYL] I GUESS.

[SCOTT] NOT FOR LONG.

[CHERYL] AH! BIRDS!

[SCOTT] YOU LIKE BABIES?

(BABIES CRYING)

MITCH?

[CHERYL] (LAUGHING)

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[EVANY] MOM, WE'VE GOTTA GET YOU

BACK IN YOUR REAL BODY.

[MARK] (FEMALE VOICE)

HONESTLY, I'M COMFORTABLE.

[ANDREW] (SCREAMING)

KILLING KENNEDY'S.

[BILL] I WAS SURE I COULD FLY

THAT PLANE.

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

(SAXOPHONES)

[MARK] AND THIS IS WHERE WE FILM

PARTS OF OUR SHOW.

[BABY HITLER] OH. VAT IS DAT,

PAPA?

[MARK] THAT'S A CAMERA.

[MARK] (SCREAMS)

(SAXOPHONE)

[MARK] (SCREAMS)

[BILL] FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD

FELLOW...

[ANDREW] (SCREAMS)

PAST TO RIGHT MY NOVEL,

"THE GREAT GATSBY".

[BRIAN] (SCREAM)

[CHERYL] YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD?

[SCOTT] THE F STANDS FOR FUTURE;

FUTURE SCOTT FITZGERALD.

[SCOTT] DO YOU LIKE THE GREAT

GATSBY?

[CHERYL] I LIKE THE GREAT

GATSBY.

[SCOTT] NOT FOR LONG.

[CHERYL] GOD... DAMN IT!

[BILL] FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD

FELLOW...

[ANDREW] (SCREAMS)

[ANDREW] YOU!

[ANDREW] (SCREAMING)

[ANDREW] OH! THERE IT IS.

[ANDREW] THERE IT IS.