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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,783 --> 00:00:11,580 [■■] 2 00:00:12,289 --> 00:00:12,331 [EVANY] AND IF WE LOOK AT THE 3 00:00:13,082 --> 00:00:14,041 SHIFT IN PROJECTIONS FROM 02 TO 4 00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:15,334 TODAY, WE'LL NOTICE THAT-- 5 00:00:15,835 --> 00:00:19,338 (PHONE RINGING) 6 00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:20,131 [EVANY] I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A 7 00:00:21,215 --> 00:00:21,423 THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. 8 00:00:22,174 --> 00:00:23,134 WHO'S PHONE IS THAT, SERIOUSLY? 9 00:00:23,801 --> 00:00:33,561 (PHONE RINGING) 10 00:00:34,019 --> 00:00:36,063 [EVANY] OKAY. 11 00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:37,982 (PHONE RINGING) 12 00:00:38,649 --> 00:00:38,690 [EVANY] WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT 13 00:00:38,691 --> 00:00:38,858 GOING TO ANSWER IT, 14 00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:39,525 I'M GOING TO ANSWER IT. 15 00:00:40,025 --> 00:00:40,442 [GIANT PHONE] NO! 16 00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:42,528 (SCREAMING) 17 00:00:43,696 --> 00:01:06,093 [■■] 18 00:01:06,886 --> 00:01:07,511 [CHERYL] HEY GUYS. SO WE THOUGHT 19 00:01:08,179 --> 00:01:08,929 WE'D START OFF THIS WEEK BY 20 00:01:09,638 --> 00:01:10,097 READING A LITTLE FAN MAIL. 21 00:01:10,806 --> 00:01:11,515 [MARK] "DEAR PICNICFACE, 22 00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:13,976 SEASON 2 WAS AMAZING BUT--" 23 00:01:14,351 --> 00:01:15,019 SEASON 2? 24 00:01:15,603 --> 00:01:16,187 [CHERYL] OH YEAH. 25 00:01:17,062 --> 00:01:17,188 THIS IS FAN MAIL FROM THE 26 00:01:18,606 --> 00:01:21,901 [■■] 27 00:01:22,568 --> 00:01:22,860 [ANDREW] "DEAR PICNICFACE, 28 00:01:23,485 --> 00:01:26,322 YOUR SHOW IS 'DA BOMB'. 29 00:01:27,072 --> 00:01:28,449 MARK LITTLE IS LIKE A HILARIOUS 30 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,744 ORB RIDING AN AMAZING SEADOO." 31 00:01:32,328 --> 00:01:32,661 DID YOU WRITE THESE? 32 00:01:33,078 --> 00:01:34,330 [MARK] NO. 33 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,081 [ANDREW] OH HERE'S ONE FOR ME. 34 00:01:36,624 --> 00:01:37,124 "DEAR PICNICFACE, 35 00:01:37,917 --> 00:01:38,334 ANDY HAS BECOME INCREDIBLY FAT 36 00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:39,376 AND BALD. WHY DOES HE DRINK 37 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:40,377 DURING THE SKETCHES?" 38 00:01:41,003 --> 00:01:41,754 THANK YOU FOR THAT ONE. 39 00:01:42,463 --> 00:01:43,756 [ANDREW] "MARK IS THE BEST". 40 00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:45,049 "ANDY SHOULD BE REPLACED BY 41 00:01:45,549 --> 00:01:45,841 A SECOND MARK." 42 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:46,634 WHAT IS THAT? 43 00:01:47,259 --> 00:01:47,301 [ANDREW] LOOK AT THIS! 44 00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:48,219 THEY'RE ALL FOR MARK. 45 00:01:48,928 --> 00:01:49,220 THIS IS INSANE. 46 00:01:50,137 --> 00:01:50,221 [ANDREW] "DEAR PICNICFACE, 47 00:01:51,013 --> 00:01:51,680 MARK REALLY SHINES IN 48 00:01:52,097 --> 00:01:53,182 SEASON 3." 49 00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:54,225 "DEAR PICNICFACE, 50 00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:55,726 I'M GOING TO... 51 00:01:56,310 --> 00:01:57,978 ...KILL MARK LITTLE." 52 00:01:58,604 --> 00:02:00,231 [MARK] WHO WROTE THIS? 53 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:04,026 ALFONSO GREEN, HALIFAX? 54 00:02:04,693 --> 00:02:07,112 HE LIVES HERE, IN HALIFAX? 55 00:02:07,821 --> 00:02:08,989 [MARK] "WE ALL MISS MARK SO 56 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:11,242 MUCH. HE WAS THE BACKBONE OF THE 57 00:02:11,825 --> 00:02:12,660 SKETCH TROUPE." 58 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:13,202 [MARK] THAT'S IT. 59 00:02:13,953 --> 00:02:14,370 I JUST GET MURDERED IN SEASON 4 60 00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:15,287 AND THAT'S IT? 61 00:02:15,955 --> 00:02:16,956 [BILL] WE GET FOUR SEASONS? 62 00:02:17,706 --> 00:02:17,790 [MARK] CHERYL, WHERE DID YOU GET 63 00:02:18,123 --> 00:02:18,666 THESE?! 64 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:19,875 [MARK] THE WHAT? 65 00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:21,585 [MARK] THE FUTURE MAILMAN? 66 00:02:22,336 --> 00:02:22,378 [CHERYL] YEAH, HE DELIVERS THE 67 00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:23,254 FUTURE MAIL. 68 00:02:23,837 --> 00:02:23,921 [MARK] OH WHAT? 69 00:02:24,588 --> 00:02:25,256 WHAT, HE DRIVES AROUND IN A 70 00:02:25,839 --> 00:02:26,757 FUTURE MAIL VAN? 71 00:02:27,508 --> 00:02:27,549 [CHERYL] DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL 72 00:02:27,967 --> 00:02:28,550 HIM? I'LL JUST CALL HIM. 73 00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:29,134 [MARK] YEAH, OKAY. 74 00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:29,885 YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIM A 75 00:02:30,928 --> 00:02:32,263 (BUZZING) 76 00:02:33,138 --> 00:02:33,179 [FUTURE MAILMAN] HELLO CHERYL. 77 00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:33,597 [CHERYL] HEY, WHAT'S UP? 78 00:02:34,265 --> 00:02:34,306 [FUTURE MAILMAN] IT'S GOOD 79 00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:34,807 SEEING YOU AGAIN. 80 00:02:35,307 --> 00:02:35,724 [CHERYL] YEAH. 81 00:02:36,475 --> 00:02:36,517 [FUTURE MAILMAN] I'M SORRY IF MY 82 00:02:37,059 --> 00:02:37,101 MAIL HAS CAUSED YOU ANY 83 00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:40,479 DISTRESS. BUT FOR NOW, 84 00:02:41,063 --> 00:02:43,315 THE FUTURE NEEDS ME. 85 00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:44,275 GOODBYE. 86 00:02:44,942 --> 00:02:46,235 [CHERYL] GOODBYE. 87 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:51,949 (SIGH) 88 00:02:52,491 --> 00:02:52,950 [MARK] INCREDIBLE. 89 00:02:53,701 --> 00:02:53,826 DID YOU TWO HAVE SOME SORT OF 90 00:02:54,285 --> 00:02:54,702 RELATIONSHIP? 91 00:02:55,202 --> 00:02:55,452 THAT GOT WEIRD. 92 00:02:56,161 --> 00:02:56,203 [CHERYL] I DON'T WANT TO TALK 93 00:02:57,705 --> 00:03:01,667 [■■] 94 00:03:02,418 --> 00:03:02,459 [SCOTT] HEY, LOOK AT THAT COUPLE 95 00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:06,046 OVER THERE. 96 00:03:07,131 --> 00:03:08,549 THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT? 97 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:09,341 [CHERYL] "OH HONEY, WHAT KIND OF 98 00:03:10,217 --> 00:03:10,301 DRAPES DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD 99 00:03:10,843 --> 00:03:11,343 BUY?" 100 00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:12,052 [SCOTT] "OH, I DON'T KNOW. 101 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:13,762 I'M TOO BUSY WITH MY JOB AT 102 00:03:14,346 --> 00:03:16,307 THE STAPLER FACTORY." 103 00:03:17,182 --> 00:03:18,309 [CHERYL] "BUT HONEY, THE DRAPES! 104 00:03:19,226 --> 00:03:20,311 THE DRAPES ARE SO IMPORTANT." 105 00:03:21,145 --> 00:03:21,186 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 106 00:03:21,729 --> 00:03:22,354 "HEY, LOOK AT THAT COUPLE OVER 107 00:03:22,688 --> 00:03:24,148 THERE. 108 00:03:24,898 --> 00:03:26,483 [SCOTT] ARE THEY MOCKING US?" 109 00:03:27,192 --> 00:03:27,234 [CHERYL] "HONEY, JUST IGNORE 110 00:03:27,568 --> 00:03:28,319 THEM." 111 00:03:29,778 --> 00:03:30,237 NO, I'M GOING TO IGNORE THEM. 112 00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:31,196 WE COME OUT HERE TO HAVE A NICE 113 00:03:31,905 --> 00:03:32,031 TIME AND WE END UP BEING... 114 00:03:32,698 --> 00:03:32,740 [SCOTT] "SOMEBODY ELSE'S 115 00:03:33,073 --> 00:03:33,741 ENTERTAINMENT. 116 00:03:34,408 --> 00:03:34,450 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 117 00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,618 YOU KNOW WHAT? GET MY GUN. 118 00:03:37,369 --> 00:03:37,411 [CHERYL] "NO, I WON'T WON'T HAVE 119 00:03:37,953 --> 00:03:37,995 YOU GO BACK..." 120 00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:38,412 [EVANY] (CHERYL'S VOICE) 121 00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:38,954 ...TO JAIL OVER THIS. 122 00:03:39,496 --> 00:03:39,538 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 123 00:03:39,997 --> 00:03:40,039 YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY? 124 00:03:40,664 --> 00:03:41,165 DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY? 125 00:03:41,915 --> 00:03:42,333 OH YEAH? WELL, LET'S SEE WHO'S 126 00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:43,625 LAUGHING WHEN I SHOOT YOU... 127 00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:44,501 [SCOTT] ..."IN THE KNEES." 128 00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:45,627 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 129 00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:46,962 I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU IN THE 130 00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:48,797 KNEES! 131 00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:50,090 [SCOTT] (SINGING) 132 00:03:50,716 --> 00:03:51,258 "GOING TO GET MY GUN." 133 00:03:52,301 --> 00:03:52,343 PLEASE DON'T DO THIS... 134 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:52,801 [CHERYL] ..."YOU DON'T 135 00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:52,968 UNDERSTAND... 136 00:03:53,886 --> 00:03:54,219 ...HE'S UNSTABLE. 137 00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:54,928 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 138 00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,347 DOE-DEE-DOE-DEE-DOE. 139 00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:58,223 SO LET'S SEE-- WHAT THE F---?! 140 00:03:58,640 --> 00:03:59,767 OH NO! 141 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:04,063 (BANG) 142 00:04:04,521 --> 00:04:06,357 (PHONE RINGING) 143 00:04:06,899 --> 00:04:07,358 [SCOTT] HELLO? 144 00:04:07,775 --> 00:04:07,941 HEY MAN. 145 00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:08,734 YEAH, WE'RE STILL AT THE COFFEE 146 00:04:08,901 --> 00:04:09,193 SHOP. 147 00:04:09,818 --> 00:04:10,110 [ANDREW] (SCOTT'S VOICE) 148 00:04:10,819 --> 00:04:10,860 WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO 149 00:04:10,861 --> 00:04:12,154 MEET YOU AT? 150 00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:13,447 SH---. 151 00:04:13,781 --> 00:04:14,406 YEAH. 152 00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:27,378 [■■] 153 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:27,961 [ROGER] HEY, DON? 154 00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:28,420 [DON] YEAH? 155 00:04:29,171 --> 00:04:29,213 [ROGER] I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M 156 00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:30,881 HAPPY YOU'RE MY BEST MAN. 157 00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:32,216 [DON] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 158 00:04:33,008 --> 00:04:33,050 [ROGER] WE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, 159 00:04:33,258 --> 00:04:34,551 HAVEN'T WE? 160 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:37,721 [■■] 161 00:04:38,138 --> 00:04:40,099 [DON] YEAH. 162 00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:53,964 [■■] 163 00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:54,631 [ROGER] WHAT WAS THAT?! 164 00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:55,966 [DON] WHAT WAS WHAT? 165 00:05:56,717 --> 00:05:56,884 [ROGER] I DON'T REMEMBER THAT 166 00:05:57,468 --> 00:05:58,343 LAST PART HAPPENING. 167 00:05:58,969 --> 00:05:59,303 [DON] WHAT LAST PART? 168 00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:00,094 [ROGER] YOU WERE BREAST FEEDING 169 00:06:00,095 --> 00:06:03,015 ME. 170 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:05,434 OBVIOUSLY JUST REALLY NERVOUS. 171 00:06:06,226 --> 00:06:06,768 [ROGER] YOU PUT MY MOUTH ON YOUR 172 00:06:07,394 --> 00:06:08,437 NIPPLE AND YOU WERE BRE-- 173 00:06:09,146 --> 00:06:09,188 YOU WERE BREAST FEEDING ME. 174 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:09,480 [DON] ROGER, YOU'RE JUST 175 00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:11,773 FREAKING OUT OVER YOUR WEDDING. 176 00:06:12,399 --> 00:06:16,487 OKAY? JUST TAKE A BREATH. 177 00:06:17,196 --> 00:06:17,237 [DON] DO YOU REMEMBER HOW 178 00:06:17,571 --> 00:06:20,491 NERVOUS I WAS BEFORE MY WEDDING? 179 00:06:21,158 --> 00:06:23,202 [ROGER] YEAH. 180 00:06:25,037 --> 00:06:27,331 [■■] 181 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:28,332 [DON] ROGER? 182 00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:30,292 [ROGER] YEAH, DON? 183 00:06:31,043 --> 00:06:31,502 [DON] I JUST, I WANNA THANK YOU 184 00:06:32,294 --> 00:06:34,963 FOR BEING MY BEST MAN. 185 00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:35,714 [ROGER] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, 186 00:06:35,923 --> 00:06:38,133 MAN. I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT MY BACK 187 00:06:38,675 --> 00:06:39,510 AND I'VE GOT YOURS. 188 00:06:40,052 --> 00:06:40,719 [DON] YEAH. 189 00:06:41,470 --> 00:06:41,803 [ROGER] REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN 190 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:42,554 WE WERE STUDYING FOR THAT 191 00:06:43,013 --> 00:06:44,389 SCIENCE TEST? 192 00:06:45,098 --> 00:06:45,140 AND WE'D FAIL SO WE GOT A 193 00:06:45,599 --> 00:06:46,517 CHEAT SHEET. 194 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,019 AND WE GOT CAUGHT. 195 00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:49,644 AND THAT'S THE WAY-- 196 00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:50,479 [ROGER] (SUCKING) 197 00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:51,230 [ROGER] WHY WERE YOU 198 00:06:51,855 --> 00:06:53,565 BREAST FEEDING ME AGAIN?! 199 00:06:54,191 --> 00:06:54,233 [ROGER] WHY IS YOUR SHIRT 200 00:06:54,608 --> 00:06:56,443 UNDONE?! 201 00:06:57,236 --> 00:06:57,276 [ROGER] WHY IS THERE MILK ON MY 202 00:06:57,277 --> 00:06:58,529 FACE?! 203 00:06:59,446 --> 00:06:59,530 [ROGER] WERE YOU BREAST FEEDING 204 00:07:00,197 --> 00:07:01,031 ME DURING THE FLASHBACK?! 205 00:07:01,782 --> 00:07:01,823 [DON] I'VE BEEN BREAST FEEDING 206 00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:02,616 YOU FOR YEARS. 207 00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:03,325 [ROGER] NO! 208 00:07:03,992 --> 00:07:04,034 [DON] IN FACT, I'M BREAST 209 00:07:04,326 --> 00:07:04,868 FEEDING YOU RIGHT NOW. 210 00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:06,036 [ROGER] (SUCKING) 211 00:07:06,453 --> 00:07:07,538 (SCREAMING) 212 00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:15,087 [■■] 213 00:07:35,899 --> 00:07:39,570 [■■] 214 00:07:40,445 --> 00:07:40,571 [MARK] HI EVERYONE. SO I WENT 215 00:07:41,446 --> 00:07:42,072 OVER TO ALPHONSO'S HOUSE 216 00:07:42,739 --> 00:07:43,574 (THE GUY WHO'S SUPPOSED TO 217 00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:45,576 MURDER ME IN THE FUTURE) 218 00:07:46,368 --> 00:07:47,077 AND I TALKED TO HIM AND IT 219 00:07:47,828 --> 00:07:47,911 TURNS OUT THAT HE'D NEVER EVEN 220 00:07:48,495 --> 00:07:49,580 HEARD OF PICNICFACE. 221 00:07:50,414 --> 00:07:50,622 SO WE HAD THIS GREAT CHAT, 222 00:07:51,373 --> 00:07:52,291 I SHOWED HIM SOME OF OUR VIDEOS. 223 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,042 TURNS OUT I'M HIS FAVOURITE, 224 00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:54,960 AND, YEAH. 225 00:07:55,586 --> 00:07:55,711 SO EVERYTHING IS GOOD. 226 00:07:56,378 --> 00:07:58,672 HE'S-- WE'RE BUDDIES NOW. 227 00:07:59,423 --> 00:07:59,590 [ANDREW] YOU REALIZE YOU CREATED 228 00:08:00,465 --> 00:08:03,635 YOUR OWN STALKER, RIGHT? 229 00:08:04,219 --> 00:08:04,261 [MARK] NO I DIDN'T. 230 00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:05,762 I CREATED A FRIEND. 231 00:08:06,471 --> 00:08:06,597 [BILL] IF YOU'RE GONNA GET 232 00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:07,889 MURDERED, IT'S NICE TO BE 233 00:08:08,432 --> 00:08:09,182 MURDERED FOR LOVE. 234 00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:09,891 [MARK] I'M NOT GONNA GET 235 00:08:10,142 --> 00:08:10,434 MURDERED. 236 00:08:10,934 --> 00:08:12,853 (PHONE BEEPS) 237 00:08:13,437 --> 00:08:13,729 [ANDREW] WHO'S THAT? 238 00:08:14,313 --> 00:08:15,355 [MARK] THAT'S NO ONE. 239 00:08:15,981 --> 00:08:17,024 IT'S MY FRIEND CHEVON. 240 00:08:17,524 --> 00:08:17,608 [ANDREW] CHEVON? 241 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,151 [BILL] WHO'S CHEVON? 242 00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:19,943 [ANDREW] YEAH, CHEVON'S A REAL 243 00:08:20,152 --> 00:08:20,193 NAME. 244 00:08:20,861 --> 00:08:21,987 [MARK] OKAY, IT'S ALPHONSO. 245 00:08:22,446 --> 00:08:22,738 YOU GENIUSES. 246 00:08:23,405 --> 00:08:23,822 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, OKAY? 247 00:08:24,323 --> 00:08:24,615 HE'S A STALKER. 248 00:08:25,157 --> 00:08:25,616 IT'S OFFICIAL. 249 00:08:26,116 --> 00:08:26,617 SH---. 250 00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:27,534 [ANDREW] WELL THERE'S LIKE EIGHT 251 00:08:27,868 --> 00:08:29,286 MISSED CALLS THERE. 252 00:08:29,995 --> 00:08:31,288 AND WHAT IS-- WHAT IS THAT? 253 00:08:31,955 --> 00:08:31,997 [MARK] IT'S A PICTURE OF ME 254 00:08:32,205 --> 00:08:32,623 SLEEPING. 255 00:08:33,206 --> 00:08:34,166 [ANDREW] OKAY. 256 00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:35,626 [ANDREW] HE PUT CLOTHES ON YOU. 257 00:08:36,418 --> 00:08:36,459 [BILL] YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA GET 258 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:36,627 MURDERED. 259 00:08:37,502 --> 00:08:37,544 [ANDREW] YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA 260 00:08:37,753 --> 00:08:37,878 GET MURDERED. 261 00:08:38,629 --> 00:08:39,546 [MARK] SHUT THE F--- UP, BILL. 262 00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:40,088 [BILL] SORRY! 263 00:08:40,756 --> 00:08:40,839 [BILL] YOU KNOW, I COULD 264 00:08:41,465 --> 00:08:41,757 HYPNOTIZE ALPHONSO INTO 265 00:08:42,507 --> 00:08:42,883 FORGETTING ALL ABOUT YOU IF YOU 266 00:08:43,175 --> 00:08:44,009 WANT. 267 00:08:44,718 --> 00:08:44,760 [MARK] SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW 268 00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:45,636 HYPNOSIS? 269 00:08:46,637 --> 00:08:47,554 HYPNOSIS. I HYPNOTIZED 270 00:08:48,347 --> 00:08:48,805 EVERYONE INTO THINKING I'M 5'6 271 00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:50,474 AND HAVE RED HAIR. 272 00:08:51,183 --> 00:08:51,224 [ANDREW] YOU ARE 5'6 AND HAVE 273 00:08:51,475 --> 00:08:52,851 RED HAIR. 274 00:08:53,435 --> 00:08:54,227 [BILL] I RELEASE YOU. 275 00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:56,647 (SNAP) 276 00:08:57,356 --> 00:08:57,606 [ANDREW] OH MY GOD! 277 00:08:58,023 --> 00:08:58,065 (SNAP) 278 00:08:58,607 --> 00:08:59,066 [ANDREW] OH MY GOD! 279 00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:00,651 OKAY. 280 00:09:01,485 --> 00:09:03,487 ALRIGHT, BILL, FOR A SECOND YOU 281 00:09:03,904 --> 00:09:04,279 WERE A... 282 00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:09,117 [BILL] I WAS A WHAT? 283 00:09:09,785 --> 00:09:09,868 [ANDREW] I CAN'T REMEMBER. 284 00:09:10,452 --> 00:09:10,661 [MARK] (PHONE BEEPS) 285 00:09:11,453 --> 00:09:11,495 YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT 286 00:09:11,662 --> 00:09:12,496 SOMETHING. 287 00:09:12,871 --> 00:09:13,914 OH NO. 288 00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:14,706 [ANDREW] OH YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA 289 00:09:15,499 --> 00:09:19,670 [■■] 290 00:09:20,504 --> 00:09:20,671 [NARRATOR] HAVE A GREAT PRODUCT 291 00:09:21,254 --> 00:09:21,672 TO SELL? 292 00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:22,673 TIRED OF YOUR INFOMERCIAL 293 00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:24,466 ACTORS DOING AN UNCONVINCING 294 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:25,634 JOB? 295 00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:27,302 CALL "INFOMERCIAL PLUS" 296 00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:28,178 AND WE'LL SET YOU UP WITH AN 297 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:30,472 ACTOR WHO IS GENUINELY UNABLE 298 00:09:31,181 --> 00:09:31,723 TO COMPLETE EVEN THE SIMPLEST 299 00:09:32,474 --> 00:09:33,100 TASKS. LIKE, THE MAN WHO CAN'T 300 00:09:33,558 --> 00:09:34,559 CRACK AN EGG. 301 00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:35,686 [MARK] (LAUGHS) 302 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:36,645 [NARRATOR] THE WOMAN WHO 303 00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:38,230 STRUGGLES WITH BLANKETS. 304 00:09:38,939 --> 00:09:39,523 THE MAN WHO IS UNABLE TO CUT 305 00:09:40,065 --> 00:09:40,357 THIS MUCH FRUIT. 306 00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:41,149 [SCOTT] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! 307 00:09:41,650 --> 00:09:41,733 WE'VE GOT BANANAS, 308 00:09:42,275 --> 00:09:43,110 WE'VE GOT ORANGES. 309 00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:44,653 WHY DO YOU NEED TWO DIFFERENT 310 00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:45,612 APPLES?! 311 00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:46,655 [NARRATOR] CALL NOW AND CHOOSE 312 00:09:47,447 --> 00:09:48,323 FROM OUT EXTENSIVE CATALOGUE OF 313 00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:49,991 TRULY INCOMPETENT ACTORS. 314 00:09:50,701 --> 00:09:51,243 LIKE, THE MAN WHO CAN'T START 315 00:09:51,702 --> 00:09:51,743 A LAWN MOWER. 316 00:09:52,536 --> 00:09:52,577 THE GUY WHO CAN'T STOP 317 00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:52,994 BLEEDING. 318 00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:53,995 THE OLD MAN WHO NEVER PUTS A 319 00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:54,705 LID ON HIS BLENDER. 320 00:09:55,664 --> 00:09:55,706 THE WOMAN WHO CAN'T HANDLE ALL 321 00:09:56,331 --> 00:09:56,707 THIS FLOUR. 322 00:09:57,416 --> 00:09:57,708 THE PERSON WHO'S CONSTANTLY 323 00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:58,291 AMAZED. 324 00:09:58,875 --> 00:09:59,126 THE GUY THAT'S DEAD. 325 00:09:59,751 --> 00:10:00,460 THE KID THAT SPILLS ALL 326 00:10:01,211 --> 00:10:01,503 ALLERGY BOY. 327 00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:02,421 THE MAN WITH THE STINKIEST 328 00:10:03,046 --> 00:10:03,714 APARTMENT IN THE WORLD. 329 00:10:04,631 --> 00:10:04,798 THE GUY THAT CAN'T GRASP HOSES. 330 00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:06,258 THE MAN WHO CAN'T GROW GRASS. 331 00:10:07,008 --> 00:10:07,634 THE GIRL WITH CONSTANT FREEZER 332 00:10:08,009 --> 00:10:08,051 BURN. 333 00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:08,719 THE FAMILY THAT HASN'T FOUND 334 00:10:09,553 --> 00:10:10,095 THEIR TV REMOTE IN 16 YEARS. 335 00:10:10,846 --> 00:10:10,887 THE LADY WITH A FRIDGE FULL OF 336 00:10:11,388 --> 00:10:11,430 AIRTIGHT JARS. 337 00:10:11,930 --> 00:10:12,139 THE WOMAN WITH THE FESTERING 338 00:10:12,681 --> 00:10:12,723 SEAT BELT WOUND. 339 00:10:13,598 --> 00:10:13,640 THE MAN WHO LITERALLY CAN'T 340 00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:14,558 FIND ANYTHING, EVER. 341 00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:15,308 THE WOMAN WHO LITERALLY CAN'T 342 00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:15,976 REACH ANYTHING, EVER. 343 00:10:16,685 --> 00:10:17,185 THE MAN WHO'S DOG'S SH--- IS 344 00:10:17,602 --> 00:10:17,728 EVERYWHERE. 345 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:18,729 THE WOMAN WITH ACTUAL 346 00:10:19,312 --> 00:10:19,354 ALCOHOLISM. 347 00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:20,272 THE MAN WHO HAS NEVER SUNK A 348 00:10:20,939 --> 00:10:21,314 PUTT IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. 349 00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:22,649 A SAD WOMAN WITH REAL FAT ALL 350 00:10:23,316 --> 00:10:24,276 OVER HER BODY AND FACE. 351 00:10:25,026 --> 00:10:25,193 [NARRATOR] THESE AREN'T YOUR 352 00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:26,737 AVERAGE INFOMERCIAL ACTORS. 353 00:10:27,487 --> 00:10:28,321 THESE PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY 354 00:10:28,739 --> 00:10:28,780 CHALLENGED. 355 00:10:29,364 --> 00:10:32,325 [MARK] OW. 356 00:10:32,659 --> 00:10:33,118 (BANG) 357 00:10:33,410 --> 00:10:34,661 OW! 358 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,913 I'M SORRY. 359 00:10:37,414 --> 00:10:37,581 [EVANY] (GRUNT) 360 00:10:37,956 --> 00:10:38,915 (THUD) 361 00:10:39,541 --> 00:10:39,875 [SCOTT] WHAT IS THIS?! 362 00:10:40,584 --> 00:10:40,625 [DIRECTOR] CHRIS, CALM DOWN. 363 00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:42,002 [SCOTT] IT'S LIKE A PASTEL 364 00:10:42,753 --> 00:10:43,754 ORANGE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 365 00:10:44,296 --> 00:10:44,755 THIS IS! 366 00:10:45,672 --> 00:10:45,714 [DIRECTOR] IT'S A GRAPEFRUIT, 367 00:10:45,839 --> 00:10:46,006 CHRIS. 368 00:10:46,757 --> 00:10:47,132 [NARRATOR] SO CALL INFOMERCIAL 369 00:10:47,883 --> 00:10:49,217 PLUS TODAY AND ADD SOME PLUS TO 370 00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:52,429 YOUR INFOMERCIAL. 371 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,557 [MARK] JUST THE MAGIC OF EGGS. 372 00:10:55,849 --> 00:10:56,349 F---. 373 00:10:57,017 --> 00:10:57,058 [DIRECTOR] JUST DROP ONE OF 374 00:10:57,350 --> 00:10:57,684 THOSE FRUIT. 375 00:10:58,143 --> 00:10:59,352 JUST ONE. 376 00:10:59,895 --> 00:11:00,312 NOW JUST DROP IT-- 377 00:11:00,979 --> 00:11:03,607 [SCOTT] THIS IS TOO HARD! 378 00:11:04,357 --> 00:11:04,608 [DIRECTOR] NO-- WHA-- DON'T! 379 00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:05,525 [SCOTT] F--- YOU. 380 00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:06,067 F--- YOU. 381 00:11:07,652 --> 00:11:13,784 [■■] 382 00:11:14,743 --> 00:11:14,785 [BILL] YOU READY TO PRANK THIS 383 00:11:15,202 --> 00:11:15,410 GUY? 384 00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:16,787 [CHERYL] YEAH. 385 00:11:17,412 --> 00:11:18,622 (KNOCKING) 386 00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:30,634 [KYLE] THE DOOR WAS KNOCKED, 387 00:11:31,259 --> 00:11:32,135 AND YET NOBODY'S HERE. 388 00:11:32,552 --> 00:11:36,848 HOW ODD. 389 00:11:37,557 --> 00:11:38,809 [DEB] WAS THERE NO ONE HERE? 390 00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:40,852 [KYLE] NOBODY. 391 00:11:41,478 --> 00:11:43,647 WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY? 392 00:11:44,397 --> 00:11:46,691 FIRST SUPPER AND NOW THIS. 393 00:11:47,192 --> 00:11:47,818 [DEB] SUPPER? 394 00:11:48,443 --> 00:11:49,569 [KYLE] THE POT ROAST. 395 00:11:50,111 --> 00:11:51,029 IT WAS BONE DRY. 396 00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:51,822 [DEB] I'M SORRY. 397 00:11:52,739 --> 00:11:52,823 [KYLE] SORRY DOESN'T MOISTEN 398 00:11:54,282 --> 00:11:56,827 [■■] 399 00:11:57,661 --> 00:11:57,702 [KYLE] SHOW YOURSELVES, 400 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,751 [■■] 401 00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:07,003 (KNOCKING) 402 00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:07,712 [KYLE] WELL CLEARLY THEY'VE 403 00:12:08,338 --> 00:12:09,714 RETURNED TO APOLOGIZE. 404 00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:10,882 [KYLE] I GET IT NOW-- 405 00:12:11,341 --> 00:12:15,637 WAIT A! WHA! 406 00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:20,392 [■■] 407 00:12:21,101 --> 00:12:21,142 [DEB] YOU KNOW, IF YOU IGNORE 408 00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:22,686 THEM THEY'LL STOP. 409 00:12:23,436 --> 00:12:23,520 [KYLE] GIVE ME ROOM TO THINK, 410 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:26,523 DEB! 411 00:12:27,274 --> 00:12:29,693 SHOW YOURSELVES, PRANKSTERS. 412 00:12:30,402 --> 00:12:31,236 [KYLE] I'LL FIND YOU, TEENS. 413 00:12:47,919 --> 00:12:47,961 [DEB] PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T 414 00:12:48,628 --> 00:12:49,254 USE OUR LAST WISH. 415 00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:50,130 [KYLE] I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. 416 00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:50,922 [DEB] THE ONE WE WERE SAVING TO 417 00:12:51,339 --> 00:12:52,757 WISH OUR INVALID SON OUT OF HIS 418 00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:53,466 WHEELCHAIR? 419 00:12:54,175 --> 00:12:54,217 [KYLE] I USED IT TO FIND THE 420 00:12:54,718 --> 00:12:56,511 IDENTITY OF THE PRANKSTERS. 421 00:12:57,262 --> 00:12:57,304 [DEB] WAS IT THOSE TEENS RIGHT 422 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:58,889 THERE IN THE GARDEN? 423 00:12:59,806 --> 00:12:59,890 [KYLE] YES. THE GENIE ALREADY 424 00:13:00,682 --> 00:13:01,016 POINTED THAT OUT, THANKS DEB. 425 00:13:01,766 --> 00:13:01,808 [DEB] OH, HE'S ALREADY POINTED 426 00:13:02,017 --> 00:13:02,100 THAT OUT? 427 00:13:02,851 --> 00:13:03,643 [GENIE] THEY WERE HIDING BEHIND 428 00:13:04,311 --> 00:13:05,896 A BUSH NEXT TO THE STOOP. 429 00:13:06,688 --> 00:13:07,063 SORT OF HARD TO SEE IF YOU WERE 430 00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:07,898 JUST STANDING THERE. 431 00:13:08,773 --> 00:13:09,274 [DEB] IT'S A GOOD USE OF MAGIC. 432 00:13:10,025 --> 00:13:10,191 [GENIE] I TRIED TO TELL HIM NOT 433 00:13:10,817 --> 00:13:11,693 TO USE THE WISH ON THAT 434 00:13:12,235 --> 00:13:12,736 PARTICULAR REQUEST. 435 00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:13,570 [DEB] OH, LIKE YOU TRIED TO TELL 436 00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:14,195 HIM NOT TO WASTE OUR FIRST TWO 437 00:13:14,696 --> 00:13:16,907 WISHES ON THAT? 438 00:13:17,782 --> 00:13:17,824 [KYLE] COME ON DEB, I WISHED 439 00:13:18,158 --> 00:13:18,950 MYSELF A NICE CAT PAINTING, 440 00:13:19,659 --> 00:13:19,951 AND I NEEDED THE SECOND WISH 441 00:13:20,535 --> 00:13:22,579 TO MAKE THEM SEXY. 442 00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:23,371 [DEB] THIS WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO 443 00:13:23,788 --> 00:13:24,456 YOU THAN OUR CRIPPLED SON? 444 00:13:25,206 --> 00:13:25,248 [KYLE] COME ON DEB! HE GETS HIS 445 00:13:25,790 --> 00:13:26,583 LEGS BACK, HE'S GONNA BE RUNNING 446 00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:28,001 AROUND TOWN, USING AND ABUSING 447 00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:29,711 DRUGS AND PUTTING HIMSELF IN 448 00:13:30,086 --> 00:13:30,253 WOMEN. 449 00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:31,004 [DEB] HOLY SH---. 450 00:13:31,671 --> 00:13:31,838 [KYLE] DEB, THIS IS GREAT! 451 00:13:32,631 --> 00:13:32,672 NOW THAT WE KNOW WHO THEY ARE, 452 00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:33,840 WE CAN PRANK THEM BACK! 453 00:13:34,299 --> 00:13:34,341 [DEB] WHAT? 454 00:13:34,966 --> 00:13:35,008 [KYLE] DEB, COME ON, QUICK! 455 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:35,884 GO SH--- IN A BAG. 456 00:13:36,676 --> 00:13:36,718 WE'LL FIND OUT WHERE THEY LIVE. 457 00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:37,594 I'LL GET A BOOK OF MATCHES. 458 00:13:38,762 --> 00:13:38,929 SH--- IN A BAG! 459 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:39,721 [KYLE] COME ON DEB. 460 00:13:40,055 --> 00:13:40,263 WHEN YOU SAID TO 461 00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:41,097 "LOVE AND TO CHERISH", 462 00:13:41,765 --> 00:13:42,182 WHAT YOU REALLY MEANT WAS, 463 00:13:42,807 --> 00:13:44,768 "I WILL SH--- IN A BAG 464 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:46,186 WHEN THE SITUATION DEMANDS IT!" 465 00:13:46,937 --> 00:13:46,978 [DEB] OKAY, THAT IS NOWHERE IN 466 00:13:47,354 --> 00:13:47,771 OUR VOWS. 467 00:13:48,355 --> 00:13:48,772 [KYLE] JUST PLEASE! 468 00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:49,439 GRAB A BRAN MUFFIN 469 00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:50,941 AND SOME WATER, LET'S DO THIS! 470 00:13:51,691 --> 00:13:51,733 [DEB] I'M NOT... (INAUDIBLE) 471 00:13:52,108 --> 00:13:52,817 [KYLE] THE LAMP! 472 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,319 [CHERYL] WHOA! 473 00:13:54,903 --> 00:13:54,986 [BILL] A MAGIC LAMP! 474 00:13:55,612 --> 00:13:56,947 [CHERYL] GIVE ME THAT. 475 00:13:57,364 --> 00:13:59,783 OH WOW. 476 00:14:00,116 --> 00:14:00,659 (GASPS) 477 00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:02,118 [BILL] WOW! 478 00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:03,370 [GENIE] I AM THE GENIE OF THE 479 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,455 LAMP. SINCE YOU'VE FREED ME I 480 00:14:06,164 --> 00:14:07,499 SHALL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES. 481 00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:08,500 [CHERYL] WE WISH TO HAVE AN 482 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:09,918 INVISIBLE MAN KNOCK ON THIS 483 00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:12,128 DUMMY'S DOOR FOREVER. 484 00:14:12,545 --> 00:14:13,213 (LAUGHING) 485 00:14:13,755 --> 00:14:15,590 [GENIE] GRANTED! 486 00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:16,800 (KNOCKING) 487 00:14:17,342 --> 00:14:17,676 [KYLE] (SHOUTING) 488 00:14:18,093 --> 00:14:19,302 (KNOCKING) 489 00:14:19,886 --> 00:14:20,136 [KYLE] GREAT SNAKES! 490 00:14:20,553 --> 00:14:21,012 (KNOCKING) 491 00:14:21,596 --> 00:14:22,222 [KYLE] WHERE ARE YOU? 492 00:14:22,806 --> 00:14:23,223 YOU SNEAKY TITTIES! 493 00:14:23,974 --> 00:14:25,266 [BRIAN] DAD, I FINISHED CLEANING 494 00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:26,601 OUT THE GARAGE. 495 00:14:57,382 --> 00:15:01,011 [■■] 496 00:15:01,886 --> 00:15:01,927 [EVANY] ARE THERE ANY FOR ME IN 497 00:15:01,928 --> 00:15:02,887 THERE, CHERYL? 498 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,222 [EVANY] I GO ON A COKE RAMPAGE 499 00:15:04,597 --> 00:15:06,683 IN 2014? 500 00:15:07,267 --> 00:15:07,851 I DON'T EVEN DO COKE. 501 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,228 [CHERYL] IT'S FROM YOURSELF. 502 00:15:10,729 --> 00:15:13,523 [EVANY] OKAY... 503 00:15:14,274 --> 00:15:17,485 IT SAYS, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN." 504 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:18,361 OH WOW. 505 00:15:18,987 --> 00:15:21,656 THAT'S... IS THIS COKE? 506 00:15:22,407 --> 00:15:22,449 [KYLE] OH MAN, I CAN'T EVEN FEEL 507 00:15:22,907 --> 00:15:23,199 MY FACE RIGHT NOW. 508 00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:24,909 THAT'S REALLY GOOD COKE. 509 00:15:25,577 --> 00:15:25,827 I KNOW IT'S SPRINGTIME, 510 00:15:26,578 --> 00:15:26,703 BUT I'D SAY THAT FORECAST CALLS 511 00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:28,329 FOR A BLIZZARD TONIGHT. 512 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:29,581 [KYLE] HIGH CHANCE OF FLURRIES. 513 00:15:30,290 --> 00:15:30,415 [EVANY] I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 514 00:15:31,124 --> 00:15:31,207 [KYLE] A BIT OF A SNOWSTORM. 515 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:32,042 [EVANY] I DON'T GET IT. 516 00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:33,752 COCAINE. 517 00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:34,711 [EVANY] OH! 518 00:15:35,462 --> 00:15:35,628 [EVANY] HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING 519 00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:36,880 WITH THAT? 520 00:15:37,672 --> 00:15:38,048 [MARK] I JUST GOT A NOTE FROM 521 00:15:38,757 --> 00:15:39,090 MYSELF IN THE FUTURE SAYING 522 00:15:39,799 --> 00:15:40,050 I NEED THIS FOR A PLOT TWIST 523 00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:41,051 LATER. 524 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,803 [EVANY] WHAT?! 525 00:15:44,387 --> 00:15:44,804 [KYLE] "KYLE DOOLEY, 526 00:15:45,388 --> 00:15:46,431 PLEASE HAVE MY BABY." 527 00:15:46,890 --> 00:15:47,140 [CHERYL] OH! 528 00:15:47,599 --> 00:15:48,892 [KYLE] NICE. 529 00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:50,060 HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? 530 00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:54,147 [■■] 531 00:15:54,814 --> 00:15:55,774 [BILL] ONE NIGHT, I DREAMED 532 00:15:56,441 --> 00:15:56,941 I WAS WALKING ALONG A BEACH 533 00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,319 WITH THE LORD. AS WE WALKED, 534 00:15:59,986 --> 00:16:00,195 I NOTICED FOOTPRINTS IN THE 535 00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:03,031 SAND. SOMETIMES, THERE WERE TWO 536 00:16:03,782 --> 00:16:05,241 SETS OF PRINTS. OTHER TIMES, 537 00:16:05,658 --> 00:16:07,077 ONLY ONE. 538 00:16:07,952 --> 00:16:07,994 FURTHER BACK ON THE BEACH, 539 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:09,329 I NOTICED A WHOLE CROWD OF 540 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,039 PRINTS, AS IF A HUGE GROUP HAD 541 00:16:11,706 --> 00:16:13,833 WALKED WITH JESUS AND I. 542 00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:15,376 CONFUSED, I SAID, 543 00:16:16,127 --> 00:16:17,921 "LORD, WHO MADE THOSE PRINTS?" 544 00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:18,588 [BILL] (AS JESUS) "WHAT? 545 00:16:19,005 --> 00:16:20,423 NOBODY. HA HA HA HA." 546 00:16:21,049 --> 00:16:21,091 [BILL] THE LORD LAUGHED 547 00:16:21,674 --> 00:16:23,093 AWKWARDLY. 548 00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:24,094 [BILL] "SERIOUSLY, JESUS." 549 00:16:24,719 --> 00:16:25,762 I INSISTED. 550 00:16:26,513 --> 00:16:27,931 "WHO JOINED US ON OUR WALK?" 551 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,933 SHEEPISHLY, THE LORD CAME 552 00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:30,558 CLEAN. 553 00:16:31,059 --> 00:16:31,476 [BILL] (AS JESUS) 554 00:16:32,102 --> 00:16:34,062 "MY CHILD, AS WE WALKED 555 00:16:34,854 --> 00:16:35,688 I BECAME BORED OF YOUR BANAL 556 00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:37,857 RAMBLINGS. CURIOUS TO SEE IF YOU 557 00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:39,400 COULD EVER BE INTERESTING, 558 00:16:40,151 --> 00:16:40,944 I SUMMOND DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF 559 00:16:41,694 --> 00:16:43,113 YOU, FROM ALTERNATE UNIVERSES. 560 00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:45,073 WHY, THERE WAS BIRD-YOU 561 00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:45,824 AND FISH-YOU, 562 00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:47,492 AND YOU WITH ZIPPERS FOR EYES 563 00:16:48,243 --> 00:16:49,285 AND A BUTTON FLY FOR A MOUTH. 564 00:16:50,036 --> 00:16:51,579 AND THEY WERE ALL DEAD BORING. 565 00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:52,831 TO LIVEN THINGS UP, 566 00:16:53,456 --> 00:16:54,124 I CONVINCED GORILLA-YOU 567 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:55,583 TO SLEEP WITH LADY-YOU. 568 00:16:56,251 --> 00:16:56,543 YOU-YOU FOUND THIS QUITE 569 00:16:57,293 --> 00:16:58,419 DISTURBING. SO I TURNED YOU INTO 570 00:16:59,045 --> 00:17:00,421 A HAT AND I WORE YOU." 571 00:17:01,047 --> 00:17:02,173 [BILL] SHAKEN, I CRIED, 572 00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:04,134 "JESUS, YOU SAID IF I WALKED 573 00:17:04,968 --> 00:17:05,260 WITH YOU, YOU'D NEVER FORSAKE 574 00:17:05,593 --> 00:17:05,969 ME." 575 00:17:06,511 --> 00:17:06,719 [BILL] (AS JESUS) 576 00:17:07,345 --> 00:17:08,221 "FORSAKE YOU, MY SON?" 577 00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:09,139 [BILL] GASPED JESUS. 578 00:17:09,764 --> 00:17:09,806 [BILL] (AS JESUS) 579 00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:12,142 "NO, I SAVED YOU. 580 00:17:12,892 --> 00:17:13,309 WHEN NAZI-YOU TRIED TO TAKE 581 00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:14,352 OVER THE BEACH, AND 582 00:17:15,019 --> 00:17:16,312 ANNEX-GAY-JEWISH-GYPSY-YOU, 583 00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:19,149 I SENT EVERYONE HOME. 584 00:17:19,858 --> 00:17:20,859 AND I WAS ALONE, 585 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,153 AND TRULY BORED. 586 00:17:23,903 --> 00:17:24,696 BUT THEN, I CAUGHT MY 587 00:17:25,405 --> 00:17:26,114 REFLECTION IN A PASSING WAVE 588 00:17:26,656 --> 00:17:27,448 AND I LAUGHED. 589 00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:29,159 I FORGOT, YOU WERE STILL WITH 590 00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:31,494 ME ON MY HEAD AS THE MOST 591 00:17:32,078 --> 00:17:33,746 INTERESTING OF HATS: 592 00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:35,665 A WOVEN, STRAW BERET, 593 00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:37,167 WITH A NECK-FLAP LIKE A CLOTH 594 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:38,168 MULLET. 595 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,253 OH MY SON, I COULD NEVER 596 00:17:40,712 --> 00:17:41,504 FORSAKE YOU. 597 00:17:45,258 --> 00:17:48,219 [■■] 598 00:18:10,783 --> 00:18:11,784 [ANDREW] NO COFFEE? 599 00:18:12,535 --> 00:18:15,205 OH, HOW AM I GOING TO WAKE UP? 600 00:18:16,873 --> 00:18:20,877 [■■] 601 00:18:21,878 --> 00:18:23,254 [■■] 602 00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:52,242 [■■] 603 00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:54,285 >>PREVIOUSLY ON PICNICFACE... 604 00:18:55,036 --> 00:18:55,119 [ANDREW] YOU REALIZE YOU CREATED 605 00:18:55,787 --> 00:18:56,621 YOUR OWN STALKER, RIGHT? 606 00:18:57,288 --> 00:18:57,330 [BILL] IF YOU'RE GONNA GET 607 00:18:57,956 --> 00:18:58,456 MURDERED, IT'S NICE TO BE 608 00:18:59,040 --> 00:18:59,791 MURDERED FOR LOVE. 609 00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:00,500 [ANDREW] MAYBE I'LL BE THE 610 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:03,378 POPULAR ONE NOW. 611 00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:04,504 [MARK] AH! 612 00:19:05,004 --> 00:19:06,089 [MARK] OH! BILL? 613 00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:12,512 [■■] 614 00:19:13,096 --> 00:19:13,888 [ALPHONSO] GUESS WHO? 615 00:19:14,472 --> 00:19:15,181 [MARK] UH, ALPHONSO? 616 00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:18,977 [ALPHONSO] BINGO! ALPHONSO! 617 00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:21,354 [MARK] OH... 'KAY. 618 00:19:22,105 --> 00:19:22,188 [ALPHONSO] SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP 619 00:19:22,522 --> 00:19:24,232 TO? 620 00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:25,358 [MARK] WAITING FOR THE BUS. 621 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:26,109 [ALPHONSO] AWESOME. 622 00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:28,278 I LOVE BUSES. 623 00:19:28,987 --> 00:19:29,821 [MARK] OKAY, GOOD. 624 00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:30,530 ALRIGHT, THERE'S SOMETHING 625 00:19:31,072 --> 00:19:31,447 I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, 626 00:19:32,198 --> 00:19:32,407 AND I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE THIS 627 00:19:32,865 --> 00:19:33,157 THE WRONG WAY. 628 00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:34,284 [ALPHONSO] I'M GOING AS YOU FOR 629 00:19:34,867 --> 00:19:35,868 HALLOWEEN. 630 00:19:36,452 --> 00:19:37,287 [MARK] UH... YEAH. 631 00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:38,371 I SEE YOU ALREADY DID THE HAIR. 632 00:19:38,955 --> 00:19:39,289 [ALPHONSO] OH, YEAH. 633 00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:39,998 DO YOU LIKE IT? 634 00:19:40,456 --> 00:19:42,250 [MARK] UGH! DON'T TOUCH MINE. 635 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,085 UM... 636 00:19:44,669 --> 00:19:46,629 YOU ARE STALKING ME. 637 00:19:47,171 --> 00:19:47,297 [ALPHONSO] (LAUGHS) 638 00:19:47,922 --> 00:19:48,464 I'M NOT STALKING YOU. 639 00:19:49,799 --> 00:19:49,841 [ALPHONSO] I'M JUST ANOTHER ONE 640 00:19:50,508 --> 00:19:53,094 OF YOUR WACKY TEENAGED FANS. 641 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:54,095 [MARK] HOW OLD ARE YOU? 642 00:19:54,637 --> 00:19:55,305 [ALPHONSO] I'M 15. 643 00:19:56,264 --> 00:19:56,764 [MARK] YOU'RE NOT, LIKE, 30? 644 00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:57,348 [ALPHONSO] (LAUGHS) 645 00:19:57,890 --> 00:19:58,891 NO, I'M 15. 646 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,143 GOD, I'LL BE DEAD BY THE TIME 647 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,853 I'M 30. 648 00:20:02,562 --> 00:20:03,021 BECAUSE I WILL HAVE FINISHED 649 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:07,442 EVERYTHING I'M HERE TO DO. 650 00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,569 [MARK] OKAY. UM... 651 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:11,321 IT'S JUST YOU'VE GOT A VERY BIG 652 00:20:12,071 --> 00:20:12,697 BEARD FOR SOMEONE WHO IS-- 653 00:20:13,448 --> 00:20:15,033 [ALPHONSO] MY DAD'S AMERICAN. 654 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:15,783 [MARK] HOW WOULD YOU FEEL 655 00:20:16,492 --> 00:20:18,161 IF I ASKED YOU TO PLEASE STOP 656 00:20:18,661 --> 00:20:20,330 STALKING ME? 657 00:20:20,913 --> 00:20:21,706 OKAY. HMM... 658 00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:23,333 YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR MOUTH? 659 00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:24,334 WHERE YOU'RE MOUTHING THE WORDS 660 00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:25,335 THAT I'M SAYING? 661 00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:26,336 YEAH. THAT THING RIGHT THERE. 662 00:20:27,128 --> 00:20:28,421 RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE. 663 00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:29,714 THAT'S A CREEPY THING. 664 00:20:30,214 --> 00:20:31,174 YOU FRIGHTEN ME. 665 00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:33,134 PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. 666 00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:34,385 [ALPHONSO] SORRY. 667 00:20:34,719 --> 00:20:36,346 SORRY. 668 00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:48,358 [MARK] (SIGHS) 669 00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:51,486 HEY! 670 00:20:52,236 --> 00:20:54,155 I'M SOR-- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 671 00:20:54,572 --> 00:20:56,866 I'M SORRY. 672 00:20:57,617 --> 00:20:58,242 THAT HALLOWEEN COSTUME MIGHT 673 00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:03,373 NEED A JACKET. 674 00:21:04,332 --> 00:21:05,375 THINK OF IT AS SORT OF A GOING 675 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,251 AWAY GIFT. 676 00:21:07,877 --> 00:21:09,796 GOING FAR, FAR AWAY. 677 00:21:10,546 --> 00:21:11,464 [ALPHONSO] AWESOME! THANK YOU. 678 00:21:12,131 --> 00:21:12,215 [MARK] ENJOY THE JACKET. 679 00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:13,383 (DOG BARKING) 680 00:21:14,050 --> 00:21:15,301 [COP] WHAT IS IT GIRL? 681 00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:16,219 [ALPHONSO] OH! 682 00:21:16,803 --> 00:21:17,387 OH HI DOGGIE. HI. 683 00:21:18,262 --> 00:21:18,304 [COP] SORRY. SHE DOESN'T USUALLY 684 00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:19,430 GET SO EXCITED UNLESS THERE ARE 685 00:21:19,889 --> 00:21:20,306 DRUGS AROUND. 686 00:21:20,973 --> 00:21:21,015 [ALPHONSO] THAT'S OKAY. 687 00:21:21,516 --> 00:21:21,891 [COP] BAILEY, SIT. 688 00:21:22,642 --> 00:21:22,809 [COP] SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT WHEN 689 00:21:23,518 --> 00:21:23,768 SHE REACTS I HAVE TO CHECK IT 690 00:21:24,102 --> 00:21:24,394 OUT. 691 00:21:25,103 --> 00:21:28,564 [ALPHONSO] SURE. 692 00:21:29,232 --> 00:21:29,482 [COP] OKAY, WHAT IS THIS? 693 00:21:30,233 --> 00:21:30,775 [ALPHONSO] OH, THAT'S NOT MINE. 694 00:21:31,275 --> 00:21:32,402 [COP] COCAINE. 695 00:21:33,027 --> 00:21:33,069 [ALPHONSO] MARK? 696 00:21:33,778 --> 00:21:35,405 [COP] YOU'RE COMING WITH ME. 697 00:21:36,072 --> 00:21:36,531 [ALPHONSO] MARK! 698 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:37,407 [COP] YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A 699 00:21:38,116 --> 00:21:38,408 LONG TIME, BUDDY. 700 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:39,742 [ALPHONSO] MARK LITTLE, 701 00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:43,579 I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU! 702 00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:44,288 [MARK] SO IN THE END IT ALL 703 00:21:44,622 --> 00:21:45,415 WORKED OUT. 704 00:21:46,290 --> 00:21:46,332 [ANDREW] MARK, YOU PUT THAT GUY 705 00:21:46,958 --> 00:21:46,999 IN PRISON. DON'T YOU THINK HE'S 706 00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:48,418 GOING TO BE A LITTLE BIT ANGRY? 707 00:21:49,252 --> 00:21:49,293 [MARK] OH, HE'LL BE IN THERE FOR 708 00:21:49,502 --> 00:21:49,710 YEARS. 709 00:21:50,169 --> 00:21:50,420 [BRIAN] SHH! 710 00:21:51,170 --> 00:21:52,422 THE BABY'S SLEEPING. 711 00:21:53,381 --> 00:21:53,756 [BILL] HOW'RE YOU DOING, KYLE? 712 00:21:54,257 --> 00:21:55,341 [KYLE] I'M GREAT. 713 00:21:56,509 --> 00:21:57,427 ACTUALLY HAD THAT GIRL'S BABY. 714 00:21:58,261 --> 00:21:58,302 [KYLE] WELL, IT IS THE FUTURE, 715 00:21:58,636 --> 00:21:59,554 CHERYL. 716 00:22:00,138 --> 00:22:01,848 [BILL] I GUESS IT IS. 717 00:22:02,473 --> 00:22:03,433 [BILL] WHO'S THE FUTURE? 718 00:22:04,142 --> 00:22:05,435 WHO'S THE FUTURE? 719 00:22:05,893 --> 00:22:06,436 YOU ARE. 720 00:22:07,353 --> 00:22:08,438 >>(AS BILL) WHO'S THE FUTURE? 721 00:22:09,063 --> 00:22:10,064 WHO'S THE FUTURE? 722 00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:11,441 PRETTY YOU. 723 00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:13,276 [EVANY] OH NO. UH, MARK? 724 00:22:14,068 --> 00:22:14,861 THE, UH, LETTER WHERE ALPHONSO 725 00:22:15,570 --> 00:22:16,446 SAYS HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU? 726 00:22:17,363 --> 00:22:17,697 IT'S WRITTEN ON CUMBERVILLE 727 00:22:19,282 --> 00:22:22,452 [■■] 728 00:22:24,745 --> 00:22:27,623 [■■] 729 00:22:28,249 --> 00:22:29,333 [DIRECTOR] AND ACTION! 730 00:22:29,876 --> 00:22:30,626 [MARK] PLEASE... 731 00:22:31,169 --> 00:22:34,088 [EVANY] (COUGHING) 732 00:22:34,672 --> 00:22:34,964 [SCOTT] CHRISTOPHER! 733 00:22:35,590 --> 00:22:36,799 YOU CALL ME CHRISTOPHER! 734 00:22:37,425 --> 00:22:37,842 [DIRECTOR] CHRISTOPHER. 735 00:22:38,301 --> 00:22:38,468 CHRISTOPHER-- 736 00:22:39,218 --> 00:22:39,760 [SCOTT] DON'T PATRONIZE ME. 737 00:22:40,094 --> 00:22:41,637 (CRACK) 738 00:22:42,221 --> 00:22:44,265 [SCOTT] (SCREAMING) 739 00:22:44,807 --> 00:22:46,476 [EVANY] (COUGHING) 740 00:22:46,976 --> 00:22:47,143 (CRACK) 741 00:22:47,643 --> 00:22:48,311 [MARK] (GRUNTING) 742 00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:49,520 [EVANY] THIS FLOOR SMELLS LIKE 743 00:22:49,854 --> 00:22:50,730 BEEF. 744 00:22:51,481 --> 00:22:51,522 [DIRECTOR] ALRIGHT, LET'S WORK 745 00:22:52,064 --> 00:22:53,900 TOGETHER HERE. OKAY? 746 00:22:54,609 --> 00:22:55,610 ANY FRUIT IN FRONT OF YOU... 747 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:56,402 [SCOTT] ARE YOU F---ING KIDDING 748 00:22:56,611 --> 00:22:57,236 ME?! 749 00:22:57,612 --> 00:23:08,664 I'M OUT! 45511

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