Original subtitles

[■■]

■IT'S TIMES LIKE THESE WITH YOU AND ME■

■AND THOUGH WE'VE MADE A MEMORY FOR ETERNITY■

■YOU KNOW IT'S THE TRUTH■

■MAKING TIME FOR EACH OTHER, SISTER AND BROTHER■

■FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER■

■YEAR AFTER YEAR AND REST OF YEAR■

[MARK] HOW IS SHE?

[BILL] STILL IN SURGERY.

[MARK] POOR EVANY.

[BILL] REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST

MET HER?

(LAUGHTER)

[BILL] YOU GUYS STARTED THE

TROUPE, BUT I NEVER ACTUALLY GOT

THE STORY ABOUT HOW YOU MET.

[MARK] WHO US?

[■■]

(BABIES CRYING)

(WHISPERS)

STEAL THESE BABIES?

[MARK] YEAH? YOU?

[ANDREW] YEAH.

[MARK] WEIRD. MARK.

[ANDREW] ANDY.

[KYLE] KYLE.

[ANDREW] HEY. SO WHICH BABY

BROKER DO YOU GUYS USE?

[MARK] REMY. YOU?

[ANDREW] REMY.

(LAUGHING)

[ANDREW] WHY DON'T WE JUST GRAB

THESE BABIES AND THEN GRAB A

BEER?

[KYLE] YEAH.

[MARK] SOUNDS GREAT.

[NURSE] MY BABIES!

[ANDREW] OH, I GOTTA KILL THIS

BITCH.

[MARK] WHAT? DO YOU WANNA--

SHOULD WE GO?

(GUNSHOT)

LONG AGO.

[ANDREW] YEAH, JUST A COUPLE OF

YEARS AGO.

■CHA-LA-LA-LA■

[NARRATOR] PICNICFACE WILL BE

[CHERYL] DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY

[KYLE] I HEAR THIS GUY CAME UP

WITH THE CONCEPTS FOR THE LAST

[■■]

[SCOTT] THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

THAT'S... THAT'S...

THAT'S... THAT'S...

(CUTTING)

[■■]

[SCOTT] NOW...

[SCOTT] THAT'S A MOVIE.

[■■]

(BIRDS TWEETING)

[BRIAN] OW!

WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

[RIDDLESNAKE] YOU'VE BEEN BIT BY

THE "RIDDLESNAKE".

RIDDLE. RIDDLE.

■RIDDLESNAKE IS HERE

AND RIDDLESNAKE'S A MIRACLE■

■RIDDLESNAKE'S A MAN

[RIDDLESNAKE] IN ORDER TO PASS,

YOU MUST FIRST ANSWER THIS ONE

RIDDLE...

LET'S SAY YOU HAD A TAIL.

HOW WOULD YOU GO ABOUT GETTING

THAT REMOVED?

[BRIAN] A DOCTOR.

[RIDDLESNAKE] A DOCTOR?

[BRIAN] YEAH.

[RIDDLESNAKE] OKAY.

■RIDDLESNAKE IS SATISFIED,

RIDDLESNAKE WILL LET YOU PASS■

■RIDDLESNAKE WILL GO

TO THE DOCTOR■

■DOOOOOOOCTOR■

■RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE■

■RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE■

■RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE■

■BIG TROMBONE, BIG TROMBONE■

■SAXOPHONE■

■BIG MUSTACHE, TELEPHONE■

■TELEPHONE, CELLULAR■

■CELLULAR TELEPHONE■

■RIDDLESNAKE'S A MAN

WITH A TAIL!■

[RIDDLESNAKE] RIGHT. GOOD, GOOD.

THE RIDDLESNAKE THANKS YOU.

[BRIAN] YEAH, OKAY.

[RIDDLESNAKE] GET THIS OFF AND

OUT OF THE WOODS. GET AN

APARTMENT. GONNA LOSE MY TAIL,

[■■]

[SALOME] WELCOME... TO THIS

WEEK'S EPISODE OF THESPIAN HOUR,

THE PROGRAM WHERE WE LOOK AT THE

HIPPEST AND HOTTEST STARS, OF

THE STAGE AND SCREEN ALIKE.

WHAT IS THAT?

[DEB] IT'S CHEESE.

[SALOME] DEB, YOU KNOW WE HAVE

SET CHEESE.

[DEB] YES, BUT I BROUGHT MY OWN.

[SALOME] OKAY. JUST SEEMS TO ME

IF YOU'RE GOING TO, YOU KNOW,

[■■]

[■■]

[SALOME] UP NEXT, WE HAVE A VERY

SPECIAL GUEST. HE IS THE STAR,

WRITER AND DIRECTOR OF AN

UPCOMING INDEPENDENT FILM

ENTITLED "NOCTURNAL RHYTHMS".

[DEB] HOT TITLE!

[SALOME] MR. PIERRE GUTIERREZ.

PIERRE, WELCOME.

SO NICE TO HAVE YOU.

[DEB] HELLO.

CHEESE?

[SALOME] SO, PIERRE, TELL US

WHAT IS YOUR FILM ABOUT REALLY?

[PIERRE] MY FILM IS A MEDITATION

[■■]

[■■]

[SALOME] WELL UNFORTUNATELY

THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF THESPIAN

HOUR, BUT... NO, I'M OKAY.

REALLY. TRULY OKAY.

■YEAR AFTER YEAR

AND REST OF YEAR■

■CHA-LA-LA-LA■

(KISS)

>>WELCOME BACK...

[BILL] HERE'S SOME COFFEE.

[ANDREW] WE MET YOU AND CHERYL

AT THAT STAND-UP SHOW. BUT WHERE

DID YOU TWO MEET?

[CHERYL] ACTUALLY, BILL AND I

HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE

[■■]

[BRIAN] WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT. YOU WERE THOSE BABIES?

[CHERYL] YEAH.

[BRIAN] THAT HAPPENED TWO YEARS

AGO. THAT MEANS YOU'RE TWO.

[BILL] YUP.

[BRIAN] THEN HOW DID YOU MEET

YOUR WIFE?

[■■]

[BRIAN] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA...YOUR WIFE? SHE WAS THE

OTHER BABY?

[BILL] YEAH.

[BRIAN] THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

YOU'RE ALL SO TALL.

[CHERYL] AM I TALL, BRIAN? OR AM

I JUST A 2-YEAR OLD, RESTING

ON THE SHOULDERS OF AN OLD,

(WHEEZING)

[■■]

[SCOTT] YEAH!

[■■]

(SCREAMING)

[SCOTT] WHAT WAS THAT?

[CHUCK] I DON'T KNOW. JUST...

JUST AN OLD MAN.

[SCOTT] HIGH-FIVE HIM.

(SLAP)

[CHUCK] WHAT THE...

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

[SCOTT] WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

[CHUCK] I DON'T KNOW.

[■■]

(WHISTLE)

AROUND. HUDDLE UP. HANDS IN.

HARD WORK, ON THREE. CHUCK? HAND

IN THE CIRCLE, BUD.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

[COACH] GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE

AND GET THAT HAND IN THE CIRCLE,

CHUCK.

[COACH] CHUCK, I'M GONNA COUNT

TO THREE, AND IF YOUR HANDS NOT

IN THE GODDAMN CIRCLE, YOU'RE

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

[■■]

(SCREAMING)

[COACH] GET OUT OF HERE,

YOU GODDAMN FREAK.

(SCREAMING)

[COACH] GET OUT OF HERE!

[■■]

[CHUCK] HEY!

HEY!

HEY!

[CHUCK] WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM

ME?

[■■]

[■■]

(GRUNTING)

[CHUCK] ALL RIGHT. WHO ARE YOU

AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO

ME?

[■■]

[KEVIN] CHUCK, WE'RE GOING TO BE

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

[CHUCK] RIGHT ON, KEVIN.

(SCREAMING)

[CHUCK] KEVIN!

(ENGINE STARTING)

[CHUCK] KEVIN!

[■■]

[CHUCK] HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT

HAPPENED TO ME?

[OLD MAN] DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE

ME?

[OLD MAN] I'M KEVIN.

[CHUCK] KEVIN AND I WERE THE

SAME AGE.

[OLD MAN] I WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE

BIT OLDER THAN YOU.

[CHUCK] YEAH, BUT NOT LIKE 50

YEARS OLDER.

[OLD MAN] I AM NOT, LIKE, 50

YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.

[CHUCK] YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE 50

YEARS OLDER.

[OLD MAN] WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT? WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE, 45?

[CHUCK] I'M 28 YEARS OLD.

[OLD MAN] 28, MY FOOT.

YEAH, WE'RE ALL 28. SHOW ME YOUR

BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

[CHUCK] I DON'T HAVE MY BIRTH

CERTIFICATE ON ME.

[OLD MAN] OKAY, NEITHER DO I.

I'M 12.

[CHUCK] YOU'RE NOT 12.

[OLD MAN] I'M 12. I DON'T HAVE

MY CERTIFICATE, THERE'S NO

PROOF.

[CHUCK] YOU'RE CLEARLY 80 YEARS

OLD.

[OLD MAN] 80 OLD?

[CHUCK] YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE 80,

MAN!

[OLD MAN] (MUMBLES)

[CHUCK] I'M GOING.

I'M OUTTA HERE.

OKAY? EXCUSE ME.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY

I FOLLOWED YOU AND TOOK MY

CLOTHES OFF. I'M AN IDIOT.

[OLD MAN] PLEASE DON'T GO.

DON'T GO.

[OLD MAN] I'M KEVIN.

[■■]

[OLD MAN] OH WAIT,

I'M NOT KEVIN. I'M JAMES.

■YEAR AFTER YEAR

AND REST OF YEAR■

■CHA-LA-LA-LA■

(SLOPPY KISSING)

[■■]

[KYLE] WHO'S THAT HANDSOME

FELLOW EATING A BOILED EGG?

[■■]

[KYLE] WHAT'S UP?

[■■]

[KYLE] YEAH, THIS ONE.

[■■]

[KYLE] I-- I-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT

[■■]

[KYLE] (SQUAKS)

>>HEY THERE, LITTLE BOY.

YOU WANNA SOLVE A TRIVIA

>>OH, YES.

>>HOW MUCH HAY DO YOU THINK A

HORSE EATS BETWEEN-- A DAY?

>>OOOH.

>>A HORSE EATS BETWEEN

12-15 POUNDS OF HAY A DAY.

[■■]

>>HAVE YOU EVER TRIED HAY?

LITTLE BOY? IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

BETTER THAN SOME THINGS. I ONCE

ATE SHIT. ON A DARE. EH, IT WAS

COLLEGE. THAT'S THE COLLEGE

EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW? EAT SOME

SHIT. YEAH, I ATE A LOT OF SHIT

IN COLLEGE. NEXT TO LASAGNA,

THAT'S PROBABLY THE THING I ATE

THE MOST. JUST BOWLS OF SHIT.

WHY DIDN'T I SAY "NO" TO ANY OF

[■■]

>>YOU KNOW, LOOKING BACK, I'D

SAY "NO" IF SOMEONE DARED ME TO

TODAY.

I'D SAY NO.

I'D DEFINITELY SAY NO.

[■■]

[CHERYL] SO BRIAN, YOU AND SCOTT

WERE THE LAST TWO TO JOIN BEFORE

[■■]

[BRIAN] I WAS RENTING A COTTAGE

(OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLING)

(BANGING)

(CRYING)

[BRIAN] (SCREAMING)

[BRIAN] AND THAT'S HOW WE MET.

[MARK] THAT SOUNDS LIKE A

NICE--

[■■]

[DOCTOR] WELL, IT'LL BE A VERY

SIMPLE PROCEDURE. I'LL JUST SNIP

IT OFF AT THE BASE OF YOUR

SPINE.

[RIDDLESNAKE] WILL IT HURT?

[DOCTOR] OH, HARDLY AT ALL.

WE'LL JUST USE LOCAL ANESTHETIC.

[RIDDLESNAKE] THAT'S PRETTY

GOOD.

■DOOOOOOOCTOR■

■RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE■

■RIDDLESNAKE■

■RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE■

■RIDDLESNAKE■

■COOL GUITAR, COOL GUITAR■

■COOL GUITAR■

■FUNKY FLUTE■

[DOCTOR] YOU'RE A VERY GOOD

DANCER.

[RIDDLESNAKE] I'M NOT BAD.

[DOCTOR] I'M NOT CUTTING IT OFF.

I CAN'T. IT WOULD BE A CRIME

AGAINST ART. IT'S YOURS. IT'S A

GIFT. PLEASE. DANCE.

[RIDDLESNAKE] RIDDLESNAKE,

RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE.

RIDDLESNAKE, RIDDLESNAKE...

RIDDLESNAKE.

[■■]

■DOOOOOOOOOCTOR■

■FRIENDS THAT'LL ALWAYS LOVE

EACH OTHER■

■YEAR AFTER YEAR

AND REST OF YEAR■

■CHA-LA-LA-LA■

>>WELCOME BACK.

(SCREAMING)

FRIENDS. SHE AND THE BABY ARE

HEALTHY. WE WERE TRYING TO

PERFORM A C-SECTION, BUT THERE

WERE COMPLICATIONS. SO WE

HAD TO PERFORM AN EMERGENCY

D-SECTION.

[ANDREW] WHAT IS THAT?

[MARK] IT'S WHEN THEY CUT INTO

HER LOWER BACK AND PULL THE BABY

OUT FROM ABOVE HER BUTT.

[DOCTOR] YOUR FRIEND IS EXACTLY

RIGHT. THAT'S WHERE WE CUT INTO

HER LOWER BACK AND PULL THE BABY

OUT FROM ABOVE HER BUTT. WOULD

YOU LIKE TO SEE HER?

[SCOTT] HEY SON.

[DOCTOR] HEY DAD.

>>THIS IS THE WRONG BUILDING.

>>THIS IS THE RIGHT--

>>WE'RE IN B-WARD, SHE'S IN THE

L-WARD.

(CHATTER)

[EVANY] HI GUYS.

>>GUYS, SHH! HERE WE ARE,

HERE WE ARE.

(BABY CRYING)

[BRIAN] HOW'S THE AREA ABOVE

YOUR BUTT?

[EVANY] IT'S OKAY, BUT THE

SURGERY RUINED MY LOWER BACK

TATTOO.

[ALL] AWW...

[EVANY] YEAH...

[ANDREW] HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

[EVANY] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[ANDREW] LOOK AT THAT.

NICE WEIGHT TO IT.

[KYLE] CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT

THAT THERE ANDY?

[ANDREW] SURE. HERE YOU GO.

THE HOOD HERE.

[KYLE] OH YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD

BABY.

[MARK] YEAH, GOOD BONE

STRUCTURE THERE. WE COULD TALK

TO REMY FOR YOU. MAYBE GET YOU

2, 2.5 FOR THAT BABY.

[■■]

>>LOOK LOOK... (INAUDIBLE)

(CRYING)

>>CHUCH, WHERE ARE WE?

CHUCK, WHERE ARE WE?!