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[NARRATOR] DO YOU DO THIS, THIS
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[NARRATOR] TRY THIS.
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[ANDREW] THANKS! NOW I DO THIS.
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[NARRATOR] CALL 1-000-TRY THIS.
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[■■]
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[BILL] WE JUST GOT OUR NETWORK
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DEMOGRAPHICS. IT SHOWS HOW EACH
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OF US TESTED WITH DIFFERENT AGE
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GROUPS. EVERYONE DID REALLY WELL
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WITH 14 TO 28 YEAR OLDS, EXCEPT
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ANDY. YOU REALLY HIT THE 65 PLUS
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DEMOGRAPHIC.
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[MARK] YOU'RE THE OLD ONE.
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THAT'S YOUR THING.
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[ANDREW] THAT'S NOT MY THING!
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S MY THING?
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I'M NOT THE... MY THING IS I'M
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THE...
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[BILL] RACIST?
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[ANDREW] YEAH. NO! I'M NOT THE
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RACIST.
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[MARK] IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
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THERE'S JUST A GENERATION GAP
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BETWEEN US.
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GENERATION GAP. YOU'RE FOUR
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YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
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[MARK] IT'S STILL A GAP. LIKE,
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WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
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[ANDREW] MARTIN.
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[MARK] MARTIN.
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[ANDREW] WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE
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NAME?
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[MARK] HOT GROOVE.
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[ANDREW] HOT GROOVE? YOUR MIDDLE
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NAME IS HOT GROOVE?
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[MARK] YEAH.
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[ANDREW] SCOTT IS LIKE THE SAME
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AGE AS ME. IN FACT, I THINK HE'S
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THREE MONTHS OLDER THAN ME.
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SO...
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[MARK] YEAH, BUT SCOTT DOES
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THINGS THAT MAKE HIM SEEM
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[SCOTT] MOM'S UP, MOM'S UP.
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YEAH!
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[ANDREW] WHAT IS MOM'S UP? I'VE
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NEVER HEARD OF THAT.
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[SCOTT] MOM'S UP. YOU GO, MOM'S
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UP.
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[ANDREW] YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M
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GOING TO PROVE TO ALL OF YOU
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THAT I'M THE YOUNGEST SKEWING
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PERSON HERE.
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[MARK] HOW DID YOU DO?
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[BILL] UM... PEOPLE THINK I'M
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[■■]
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>>EVERYBODY GET DOWN ON THE
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GROUND, THIS IS A ROBBERY.
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[ANDREW] YOU! DOWN ON THE
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GROUND.
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(SHOUTING)
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[MARK] YOU DIDN'T EXPECT TO GET
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ROBBED BY TRUCKERS, DID YOU?
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[BRIAN] IT'S THE TRUCKERS!
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(SIRENS)
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[ANDREW] IT'S THE COPS.
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[BRIAN] WHAT ARE WE DOING? WE'RE
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NOT ROBBERS. WE'RE TRUCKERS!
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[MARK] BAD LUCK.
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[ANDREW] BAD LUCK? HOW DID THEY
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KNOW WE WERE GONNA BE HERE? WE
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WERE RATTED OUT.
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[BRIAN] IT WASN'T ME.
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[MARK] IT WASN'T ME.
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[ANDREW] WELL ONE OF YOU IS A
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RAT.
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[MARK] LISTEN, WITH REGARD TO
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OUR...
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[ANDREW] WHOA, WHOA. WITH REGARD
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TO?
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[MARK] I JUST MEAN IN TERMS OF
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HOW WE...
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[ANDREW] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. IN
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TERMS OF? WHAT IS THIS, WORD
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COLLEGE?
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[MARK] PLEASE, I...
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[ANDREW] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
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PLEASE? LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND
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OURSELVES A RAT.
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[MARK] NO. I'M NOT A RAT. I'M A
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TRUCKER.
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[ANDREW] WELL, IF YOU'RE A
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TRUCKER, WHAT'S THE TRUCKER
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PASSWORD?
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[MARK] TRUCK?
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[BRIAN] CHECKS OUT.
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[ANDREW] LUCKY GUESS... WHAT'S
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THAT?
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[MARK] NOTHING. JUST MY BIG, FAT
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TRUCKER GUT.
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[ANDREW] THAT'S YOUR BIG, FAT
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TRUCKER... THAT'S NOT TRUCKER
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GUTS!
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[BRIAN] THAT'S JUST TINY BAGS OF
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CHIPS!
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[ANDREW] TINY BAGS OF LIES.
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[ANDREW] WAIT A SECOND... THIS
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ISN'T A BLUE COLLAR. IT'S JUST A
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WHITE COLLAR, PAINTED BLUE!
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[BRIAN] HIS MULLET IS JUST
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ATTACHED TO HIS HAT!
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[ANDREW] YOU CAN'T... WAIT A
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SECOND. HIS SKIN. IT'S SWEET.
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YOU'RE NOT A TRUCKER AT ALL.
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YOU'RE A BAG OF SUGAR. I'VE BEEN
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TALKING TO A BAG OF SUGAR THE
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WHOLE TIME. BILL, THIS MUST HAVE
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BEEN IN OUR MINDS. BILL? B...
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BILL? YOU'RE COLD TO THE TOUCH.
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YOU'RE NOT A TRUCKER. YOU'RE A
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SPOON. A BAG OF SUGAR AND A
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SPOON! AND THIS AIN'T A
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CONVENIENCE STORE. IT'S A BOWL
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OF CEREAL. I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
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I'M A DEER. I'M A DEER IN A BOWL
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OF CEREAL.
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(DEER NOISES)
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>>BABY DEERS, BABY DEERS;
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LIFE'S SURREAL BECAUSE OF BABY
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DEERS. NO MORE TEARS, WITH THE
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BABY DEARS, THROW AWAY YOUR
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FEARS WITH THE BABY DEERS.
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HONEY, OATS, AND DEERS. HONEY,
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OATS, AND DEERS. BABY DEERS,
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BABY D- D- DEARS.
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[ANNOUNCER] LIFE CEREAL. NOW
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[■■]
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[VICTOR] HELLO. I'M VICTOR LIFE
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CEREAL. FOUNDER AND CEO OF LIFE
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CEREALS. IN EACH BOX OF LIFE
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CEREAL YOU'LL FIND A BABY DEER.
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HOW DO YOU LIKE ME KNOW, GREGORY
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CHEERIO? CAN YOUR CARTOON BEE
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COMPETE WITH WHAT A LIVE BABY
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DEER CAN DO?
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[GREGORY] I'M GREGORY CHEERIO. I
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HEAR YOUR CHALLENGE, VICTOR LIFE
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CEREAL, AND YOU'RE ON. FROM NOW
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ON, EVERY BOX OF CHEERIOS WILL
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COME WITH A SWARM OF LIVE BEES.
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EVERY BOX IS GOING TO BE PRE-
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SHAKEN IN THE FACTORY TO ENSURE
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OPTIMUM BEE RAGE. I SEE YOUR
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CHALLENGE, VICTOR LIFE CEREAL,
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AND I'M INTO IT... SORRY. CAN I
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SEE A SCRIPT FOR A MINUTE?
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[KYLE] YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
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[ANDREW] HEY, WHAT'S UP, COOL
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DUDES? IT'S ME, COOL YOUNG ANDY.
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IF YOU'RE 65 AND OVER YOU'D
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BETTER TUNE OUT RIGHT NOW,
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BECAUSE THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. I'M
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GONNA DO A COOL PRANK RIGHT NOW
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IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. I'M GONNA
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CHUG MY OWN PISS.
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[ANDREW] YO, WHAT'S UP, OLD
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FOGIES? WHAT'S GOING ON?
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[BILL] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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[ANDREW] YEAH, MY NAME IS ANDY,
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AND THIS IS PISS CHUG.
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(GAGGING)
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[BILL] WHO'S PISS IS THAT?
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[ANDREW] IT'S MY OWN PISS.
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[VOICE] CAN WE GET HIM OUT FOR A
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SECOND SO WE CAN THROW DOWN ON
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THIS?
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[BILL] WE'RE BEHIND, ANDY.
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[ANDREW] I KNOW WE'RE BEHIND,
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BILL.
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[ANDREW] JUST, IN THE HALLWAY,
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PLEASE.
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[KYLE] IF YOU DON'T MIND. IT'S
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JUST THAT WE GOT FIVE MINUTES TO
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GET THIS...
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[BILL] STOP CHUGGING YOUR PISS!
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OH FUCK!
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(GROANING)
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[BILL] CAN WE JUST PULL TIGHTER
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AND I CAN DO THE LINES?
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[KYLE] NO, NO, IT'S GOOD. IT'S
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GOOD. HE'S GONE.
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[VOICE] CLOSE THE DOOR AND LOCK
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IT DOWN OUT THERE. DON'T LET HIM
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BACK IN.
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[GREGORY] I'M GREGORY CHEERIO. I
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SEE YOUR CHALLENGE VICTOR LIFE
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CEREAL.
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[VOICE] GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
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[GREGORY] AND YOU'RE ON.
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[BILL] FUCK!
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[ANDREW] YOU DRINK THE PISS!
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[KYLE] NO ONE'S DRINKING YOUR
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GODDAMN PISS!
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[■■]
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[NARRATOR] PREVIOUSLY ON
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PICNICFACE...
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[ANDREW] PISS. PISS. CHUG MY OWN
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PISS.
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[BRIAN] IT'S THE TRUCKERS. IT'S
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THE TRUCKERS.
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(NOISE)
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[GREGORY] PRE-SHAKEN. SHAKEN.
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SH- SH- SH- SHAKEN.
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RAGE!
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[PATRICK] HI. I'M PATRICK
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CORNPOPS. RIGHT NOW EVERY BOX OF
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CORNPOPS COMES WITH ITS VERY OWN
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BOX. YOU WON'T HAVE TO POUR IT
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IN YOUR HANDS ANYMORE! IT'S
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GREAT. FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND
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PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH IT. GIVE ME
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YOUR KIDS!
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[HAROLD] I'M HAROLD HONEYCOMB.
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EVERY BOX OF HONEYCOMBS NOW
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COMES WITH A SMALL...
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(COUGHING)
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[HAROLD] HOLY SHIT. OH MAN.
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OKAY. IN EVERY BOX OF HONEYCOMB
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CEREAL, YOU'LL FIND A SMALL TO
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MEDIUM SIZED HUMAN SKULL. SOME
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MIGHT SAY TO ME, HAROLD, WHY PUT
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A HUMAN SKULL INSIDE OF A BOX OF
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HONEYCOMBS. TO WHICH, I WOULD
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REPLY, WHY NOT. TO WHICH THEY
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REPLY, BECAUSE IT'S A CEREAL FOR
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CHILDREN.
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[HAROLD] AND I WOULDN'T HAVE AN
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ANSWER TO THAT.
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[TOM] HEY, WE'RE THE SHREDDIES
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BROTHERS, TOM AND JIM SHREDDIE.
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IN EVERY BOX OF SHREDDIES CEREAL
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YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING VERY
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SPECIAL. BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW
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WHAT IT IS, YOU GOT TO PULL UP
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(SMACKING)
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[■■]
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[TOM] AND BUY A BOX OF
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[■■]
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[TAD] HI, I'M TAD MUSLIX. NOW
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EACH BOX OF MUSLIX COMES WITH
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[■■]
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[ALL] BIRTHDAY, BIRTHDAY,
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IT'S YOUR...
253
00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:47,804
[EVANY] BLOW OUT THE CANDLES,
254
00:08:48,138 --> 00:08:48,305
SWEETIE.
255
00:08:49,056 --> 00:08:49,097
[BRIAN] YEAH, LET'S SEE HOW MANY
256
00:08:49,431 --> 00:08:50,766
BOYFRIENDS YOU HAVE.
257
00:08:51,224 --> 00:08:51,642
[BRIAN] UH OH.
258
00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:52,600
[EVANY] IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE
259
00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:53,477
BOYFRIENDS.
260
00:08:54,227 --> 00:08:54,645
[ANDREW] ACTUALLY, I'M HER
261
00:08:55,145 --> 00:08:56,647
BOYFRIEND.
262
00:08:57,356 --> 00:08:57,648
[DEMONIC VOICE] THE CAKE
263
00:08:58,273 --> 00:08:59,191
DECIDES!
264
00:08:59,775 --> 00:09:02,152
(SCREAMS AND CHOKING)
265
00:09:02,653 --> 00:09:02,819
[BRIAN] HEY...
266
00:09:03,570 --> 00:09:05,364
[KYLE] ZAT WOULD BE WEIRD...
267
00:09:06,114 --> 00:09:06,365
[ANDREW] HEY, WHAT'S UP, DUDES?
268
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:07,240
I'M GONNA GET FRESH WITH THIS
269
00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:09,868
OLD FOGIE HERE. OKAY. MY NAME IS
270
00:09:10,619 --> 00:09:11,244
ANDY. I'M WHAT'S UP WITH THE
271
00:09:11,953 --> 00:09:13,038
WHAT, AND THIS IS SKATEBOARD
272
00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:14,665
TRICK. CHECK THIS OUT, YOU'RE
273
00:09:15,415 --> 00:09:15,791
NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT.
274
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:16,541
[MARK] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
275
00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:19,419
[ANDREW] CHECK IT OUT!
276
00:09:19,753 --> 00:09:20,671
(THUD)
277
00:09:21,296 --> 00:09:23,423
(PAINED LAUGHTER)
278
00:09:24,174 --> 00:09:29,221
[ANDREW] OH MY BACK! THAT WAS
279
00:09:29,971 --> 00:09:33,809
RAN-DOM! OH! WHAT'S UP KIDS? DO
280
00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:35,102
THIS AT HOME. YOU DON'T NEED
281
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:38,730
HELMETS. WHO CARES? HELMETS ARE
282
00:09:39,481 --> 00:09:41,274
FOR OLD PEOPLE. IT'S FOR OLD
283
00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:42,693
PEOPLE, KIDS!
284
00:09:43,443 --> 00:09:43,485
[MARK] WHY DOES YOUR BREATH
285
00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:52,911
[MARK] OH! OH, HEY THERE GIRL.
286
00:09:53,662 --> 00:09:54,371
HEY STOP RIGHT THERE. WHERE ARE
287
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:55,997
YOU HEADED SO FAST? ARE YOU
288
00:09:56,748 --> 00:09:56,915
LOOKING FOR A NICE COLD POOTIE
289
00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,041
PARTY?
290
00:09:58,750 --> 00:09:58,875
[SCOTT] YOU BRING THE POOTIE,
291
00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:01,253
WE'LL BRING... WE WILL THANK YOU
292
00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:02,713
FOR BRINGING THE POOTIE.
293
00:10:03,422 --> 00:10:03,463
[MARK] YEAH. GET THAT FINE
294
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:04,715
LITTLE TUSH ON UP HERE.
295
00:10:05,424 --> 00:10:05,716
[SCOTT] PUSH THAT TUSH.
296
00:10:06,633 --> 00:10:06,717
[MARK] YEAH, HAVE A LITTLE SEAT
297
00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:08,343
ON MY LAPSICLE. I'LL MAKE LOVE
298
00:10:09,052 --> 00:10:11,722
TO YOU LIKE A CONFUSED BEAR.
299
00:10:12,514 --> 00:10:14,015
AWKWARDLY, AND IN A MANNER THAT
300
00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:16,560
SUGGESTS I'M TRYING TO ESCAPE.
301
00:10:17,227 --> 00:10:17,728
[SCOTT] THAT MAN'S SCARED!
302
00:10:18,562 --> 00:10:18,895
SCARED OF THAT POOTIE.
303
00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:19,646
[MARK] I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I
304
00:10:20,397 --> 00:10:22,733
LIKE MY SCOTCH, GIRL. ON ROCKS.
305
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:23,734
[SCOTT] SHOW HER YOUR ROCKS.
306
00:10:24,526 --> 00:10:24,901
[MARK] I GOT A POCKET FULL OF
307
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,278
STONES, GIRL.
308
00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:26,903
[SCOTT] YOU LOVE IT.
309
00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:27,654
[MARK] YEAH, I'LL MAKE LOVE TO
310
00:10:27,988 --> 00:10:28,530
YOU ON THESE.
311
00:10:29,156 --> 00:10:29,573
[SCOTT] ROCK AND ROLL.
312
00:10:30,198 --> 00:10:31,616
[MARK] SHOCK A MOCK.
313
00:10:32,159 --> 00:10:32,325
[SCOTT] BRRRAT.
314
00:10:33,076 --> 00:10:33,118
[MARK] I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I
315
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:35,871
LIKE MY ROCKS: IN SCOTCH.
316
00:10:36,455 --> 00:10:36,747
[SCOTT] BA-DOOM-BOOM.
317
00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:37,748
[MARK] YOU CAN'T FATHOM MY
318
00:10:38,373 --> 00:10:38,582
LENGTH GIRL.
319
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:39,583
[SCOTT] NO, YOU CAN'T.
320
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:40,375
[MARK] IT'S LIKE STRINGING TWO
321
00:10:40,959 --> 00:10:42,753
TIN CANS TOGETHER. HELLO? I'M IN
322
00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:43,587
YOU.
323
00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:44,796
[MARK] OH YEAH!
324
00:10:45,464 --> 00:10:45,756
[SCOTT] SWEET POTATO PIE.
325
00:10:46,339 --> 00:10:46,423
[MARK] WHACK-A-BEE.
326
00:10:47,174 --> 00:10:48,049
[SCOTT] PETE ROSE POOTIE PARTY.
327
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:49,050
[MARK] POOTIE POOTIE PARTY.
328
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:49,760
[SCOTT] POOTIE PARTY.
329
00:10:50,552 --> 00:10:51,052
[MARK] POOTIE POOTIE PARTY.
330
00:10:51,511 --> 00:10:51,553
[MARK] SHACK!
331
00:10:51,887 --> 00:10:51,928
[SCOTT] BOOM.
332
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:52,471
[MARK] SHACK!
333
00:10:52,637 --> 00:10:52,679
[SCOTT] BOOM.
334
00:10:52,929 --> 00:10:52,971
[MARK] SHACK SHACK...
335
00:10:53,263 --> 00:10:53,305
[SCOTT] BA-DOOM-BOOM.
336
00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:54,139
>>GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS
337
00:10:54,848 --> 00:10:55,390
ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE
338
00:10:56,099 --> 00:10:56,850
STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
339
00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:58,351
POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE POOTIE
340
00:10:59,019 --> 00:11:00,145
PARTY. POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE
341
00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:01,772
POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE PARTY.
342
00:11:02,689 --> 00:11:03,440
POOTIE POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE
343
00:11:04,107 --> 00:11:04,983
PARTY. POOTIE POOTIE PARTY.
344
00:11:05,692 --> 00:11:06,359
GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON
345
00:11:07,110 --> 00:11:07,903
THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
346
00:11:08,612 --> 00:11:08,779
GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON
347
00:11:09,654 --> 00:11:09,905
THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
348
00:11:10,614 --> 00:11:11,364
GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON
349
00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:12,783
THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
350
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:14,159
GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON
351
00:11:14,910 --> 00:11:15,786
THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
352
00:11:16,703 --> 00:11:17,287
GIRLS ON THE STREET. GIRLS ON
353
00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:18,789
THE STREET. GIRLS ON THE STREET.
354
00:11:19,539 --> 00:11:19,873
GIRLS ON THE STREET. THERE'S
355
00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:21,541
GIRLS ON THE STREET. POOTIE
356
00:11:22,209 --> 00:11:23,126
PARTY. POOTIE POOTIE PARTY.
357
00:11:23,794 --> 00:11:24,419
POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE POOTIE
358
00:11:25,128 --> 00:11:26,254
PARTY. POOTIE PARTY. POOTIE
359
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:31,384
[SCOTT] BRRRAT.
360
00:11:32,135 --> 00:11:32,511
[SCOTT] HEY, I'M SCOTT VRONEN,
361
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,971
THE ACTUAL PERSON. LATELY I'VE
362
00:11:35,639 --> 00:11:36,348
OBSERVED A LARGE NUMBER OF
363
00:11:37,015 --> 00:11:37,808
HILARIOUS INTERNET VIDEOS
364
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,268
FEATURING CATS. BASED ON THIS
365
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:41,853
EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE, I'VE FORMED
366
00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:43,647
A HYPOTHESIS. CATS ARE
367
00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:45,899
INHERENTLY FUNNY. TO TEST THIS
368
00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:48,109
HYPOTHESIS, I'M GOING TO ADD A
369
00:11:48,777 --> 00:11:49,820
CAT TO A SCENE TO SEE IF IT
370
00:11:50,779 --> 00:11:52,531
MAKES THAT SCENE MORE AMUSING.
371
00:11:53,198 --> 00:11:53,990
IN THE SKETCH YOU JUST SAW,
372
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,826
THERE WERE NO CATS. LETS SEE
373
00:11:56,618 --> 00:11:58,829
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ADD ONE.
374
00:11:59,579 --> 00:11:59,746
[MARK] WHERE ARE YOU GOING
375
00:12:00,539 --> 00:12:02,833
THERE, GIRL? OH YEAH. I'LL MAKE
376
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,502
LOVE TO YOU GIRL. I'LL MAKE LOVE
377
00:12:06,253 --> 00:12:09,714
TO YOU LIKE A CONFUSED BEAR.
378
00:12:10,173 --> 00:12:12,843
(LAUGHING)
379
00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:13,718
[SCOTT] WELL, CLEARLY THAT WAS A
380
00:12:14,469 --> 00:12:16,137
SUCCESS. BUT LETS INCREASE THE
381
00:12:16,888 --> 00:12:19,182
CAT VARIABLE BY ONE CAT. SO TWO
382
00:12:32,612 --> 00:12:33,613
[SCOTT] WELL OBVIOUSLY,
383
00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:36,992
COMEDICALLY, THAT DIDN'T WORK.
384
00:12:37,742 --> 00:12:39,077
LET'S SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE: ONE
385
00:12:57,929 --> 00:12:59,097
[SCOTT] CONCLUSION: ONE CAT IS
386
00:13:17,824 --> 00:13:18,033
[■■]
387
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:18,909
[ANNOUNCER] PREVIOUSLY ON
388
00:13:19,576 --> 00:13:20,160
PICNICFACE...
389
00:13:20,911 --> 00:13:20,952
[PATRICK] PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH
390
00:13:21,119 --> 00:13:21,202
IT.
391
00:13:21,578 --> 00:13:24,956
(NOISES)
392
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:25,582
[SCOTT] POOTIE PARTY.
393
00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:25,957
[MARK] OH YEAH!
394
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:26,625
[SCOTT] POOTIE PARTY.
395
00:13:27,125 --> 00:13:27,918
[MARK] OH YEAH!
396
00:13:28,793 --> 00:13:29,586
[JIM] I LOVE MY BROTHER. I LOVE
397
00:13:30,003 --> 00:13:30,253
MY BROTHER.
398
00:13:34,507 --> 00:13:36,426
[■■]
399
00:13:36,968 --> 00:13:38,261
[SCOTT] MCQUARRIE.
400
00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,096
DANCE.
401
00:13:40,513 --> 00:13:42,015
IT'S TIME.
402
00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,017
TO DANCE.
403
00:13:44,476 --> 00:13:46,019
TO THE LEFT.
404
00:13:46,478 --> 00:13:47,979
TO THE LEFT.
405
00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:49,981
TO THE LEFT.
406
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,942
TO THE LEFT.
407
00:13:52,609 --> 00:13:53,985
TO THE LEFT.
408
00:13:54,444 --> 00:13:55,987
TO THE LEFT.
409
00:13:56,446 --> 00:13:57,989
TO THE LEFT.
410
00:13:58,448 --> 00:13:59,950
TO THE LEFT.
411
00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:01,952
TO THE LEFT.
412
00:14:02,619 --> 00:14:03,954
TO THE LEFT.
413
00:14:04,621 --> 00:14:05,997
TO THE LEFT.
414
00:14:06,456 --> 00:14:08,041
TO THE LEFT.
415
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,085
TO THE LEFT.
416
00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:12,045
TO THE LEFT.
417
00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:14,130
TO THE LEFT.
418
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:16,091
TO THE LEFT.
419
00:14:17,592 --> 00:14:24,391
(SCREAMS)
420
00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:28,061
[■■]
421
00:14:30,146 --> 00:14:36,486
[■■]
422
00:14:37,237 --> 00:14:38,446
[KYLE] HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
423
00:14:39,114 --> 00:14:39,447
[EVANY] HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
424
00:14:40,198 --> 00:14:42,993
[KYLE] UH, IT WAS OKAY. IT WAS
425
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:43,618
GOOD.
426
00:14:44,202 --> 00:14:44,536
[EVANY] ARE YOU OKAY?
427
00:14:45,286 --> 00:14:46,079
[KYLE] YEAH. IT'S JUST, I WAS IN
428
00:14:46,830 --> 00:14:47,998
MY HOTEL AND A SEAGULL CRASHED
429
00:14:48,915 --> 00:14:50,625
INTO THE WINDOW. IT'S WINGS WERE
430
00:14:51,376 --> 00:14:51,835
BROKEN AND ONE OF ITS LEGS WAS
431
00:14:52,585 --> 00:14:53,545
MESSED UP. IT WAS JUST OUT THERE
432
00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:54,587
MAKING THIS HORRIBLE NOISE.
433
00:14:55,088 --> 00:14:55,130
[EVANY] AWFUL.
434
00:14:55,922 --> 00:14:56,214
[KYLE] YEAH, I GRABBED MY PILLOW
435
00:14:56,923 --> 00:14:58,341
FROM MY ROOM AND I SNUFFED IT
436
00:14:58,675 --> 00:14:59,050
OUT.
437
00:14:59,634 --> 00:14:59,843
[EVANY] THE PILLOW?
438
00:15:00,552 --> 00:15:00,927
[KYLE] WEIRD. IT KIND OF FELT
439
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:02,262
GOOD TO JUST END THE SUFFERING,
440
00:15:02,637 --> 00:15:03,430
YOU KNOW?
441
00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:05,015
[EVANY] I UNDERSTAND THAT. I
442
00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:06,433
MEAN, SOMETIMES IT'S GOT TO BE A
443
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:09,019
MERCY KILL.
444
00:15:10,687 --> 00:15:14,024
[■■]
445
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:14,899
[KYLE] WELL, HELLO YOU.
446
00:15:15,692 --> 00:15:16,818
[EVANY] HELLO YOURSELF. WHAT'S
447
00:15:17,444 --> 00:15:18,028
GOTTEN INTO YOU TODAY?
448
00:15:18,945 --> 00:15:19,029
[KYLE] WELL, I DID A LITTLE BIT
449
00:15:19,696 --> 00:15:20,196
OF GOOD TODAY?
450
00:15:20,822 --> 00:15:20,864
[EVANY] WHAT DID YOU DO?
451
00:15:21,448 --> 00:15:21,531
[KYLE] WELL, THERE WAS THIS
452
00:15:22,282 --> 00:15:22,991
SQUIRREL IN THE BACK YARD REALLY
453
00:15:23,783 --> 00:15:24,034
STRUGGLING WITH THIS PARTICULAR
454
00:15:24,826 --> 00:15:26,036
NUT. IT WENT ON FOR THREE
455
00:15:26,995 --> 00:15:27,037
MINUTES. IT COULDN'T EVEN OPEN
456
00:15:27,954 --> 00:15:28,663
IT TO FEED ITSELF, AND THEN I
457
00:15:29,414 --> 00:15:30,165
WENT BACK AND TOOK CARE OF IT.
458
00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:31,791
WITH MY PILLOW.
459
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:33,626
[EVANY] I DON'T... I THINK MAYBE
460
00:15:34,377 --> 00:15:34,878
WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION
461
00:15:35,628 --> 00:15:37,005
ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK A MERCY
462
00:15:37,464 --> 00:15:37,714
KILL IS.
463
00:15:38,465 --> 00:15:38,506
[KYLE] I KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S
464
00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:39,174
LIKE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE
465
00:15:39,924 --> 00:15:40,550
NEIGHBOUR'S YARD AND THERE IS A
466
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:42,052
DOG CHASING ITS TAIL, JUST A
467
00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:44,220
HOPELESS, ETERNAL STRUGGLE. SO
468
00:15:44,888 --> 00:15:46,014
YOU, NATURALLY, GO GET YOUR
469
00:15:46,556 --> 00:15:46,806
PILLOW, AND...
470
00:15:47,515 --> 00:15:47,557
[EVANY] OH MY GOD, DID YOU
471
00:15:47,932 --> 00:15:48,224
MURDER GLORIA'S DOG?
472
00:15:48,975 --> 00:15:49,976
[KYLE] I DIDN'T MURDER ANYTHING,
473
00:15:50,602 --> 00:15:50,894
BUT THE DOG IS DEAD.
474
00:15:55,899 --> 00:15:56,149
[KYLE] I KILLED YOUR PARROT,
475
00:15:56,524 --> 00:16:01,279
LINDS.
476
00:16:01,988 --> 00:16:03,907
[KYLE] SWEETHEART, I'M SORRY.
477
00:16:04,657 --> 00:16:05,867
YOU'RE SO SAD. YOU'RE SUFFERING
478
00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:07,202
DOES NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE.
479
00:16:10,121 --> 00:16:11,289
[SCOTT] TO THE LEFT.
480
00:16:11,748 --> 00:16:13,249
TO THE LEFT.
481
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:15,251
TO THE LEFT.
482
00:16:15,710 --> 00:16:17,170
TO THE LEFT.
483
00:16:17,712 --> 00:16:19,422
LET'S SWITCH IT UP.
484
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:20,298
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
485
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:21,257
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
486
00:16:21,925 --> 00:16:22,258
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
487
00:16:22,926 --> 00:16:23,259
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
488
00:16:23,927 --> 00:16:24,260
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
489
00:16:24,928 --> 00:16:25,220
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
490
00:16:25,887 --> 00:16:25,928
TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT.
491
00:16:25,929 --> 00:16:26,638
TO THE LEFT...
492
00:16:27,388 --> 00:16:28,473
LEFT. LEFT. LEFT. LEFT. LEFT.
493
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:29,766
LEFT. LEFT. LEFT. LEFT. LEFT.
494
00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:34,813
LEFT. LEFT. LEFT...
495
00:16:38,650 --> 00:16:50,120
[■■]
496
00:16:50,954 --> 00:17:06,136
(RANDOM NOISES & DIALOGUE)
497
00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:06,970
[KYLE] WE'VE GOT A FIRST TIMER
498
00:17:07,637 --> 00:17:07,887
KICKING OFF THE SHOW TONIGHT, SO
499
00:17:08,638 --> 00:17:09,556
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME FOR
500
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:11,766
MRS. SHELLEY DUPONT.
501
00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:17,147
(CHEERING)
502
00:17:17,939 --> 00:17:18,356
[SHELLEY] HEY LADIES.
503
00:17:18,773 --> 00:17:20,233
(CHEERING)
504
00:17:20,775 --> 00:17:22,152
[SHELLEY] AND MEN.
505
00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:24,487
(GROANING)
506
00:17:25,238 --> 00:17:25,280
[SHELLEY] WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE
507
00:17:26,072 --> 00:17:29,450
BETWEEN A MAN AND A CHAIR. A
508
00:17:30,201 --> 00:17:33,246
CHAIR FOUR LEGS. AND A MAN WILL
509
00:17:33,955 --> 00:17:34,539
SLEEP WITH A PROSTITUTE ON A
510
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:36,583
BUSINESS TRIP TO DELAWARE. AM I
511
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:41,171
RIGHT LADIES?
512
00:17:41,963 --> 00:17:42,213
[SHELLEY] HOW ABOUT THIS ONE
513
00:17:42,964 --> 00:17:45,175
LADIES? A WOMAN WALKS INTO A
514
00:17:46,134 --> 00:17:48,178
DOCTOR'S OFFICE, AND THE DOCTOR
515
00:17:49,095 --> 00:17:51,764
SAYS MRS. DUPONT, YOU HAVE
516
00:17:52,098 --> 00:17:55,727
HERPES.
517
00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:57,979
[SHELLEY] WHAT? HERPES, MRS.
518
00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:07,197
DUPONT. SERIOUSLY? YES. OH NO.
519
00:18:07,655 --> 00:18:12,702
OH NO.
520
00:18:13,411 --> 00:18:13,453
[SHELLEY] HAVE YOU HAD ANY
521
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:14,871
UNPROTECTED SEX LATELY, MRS.
522
00:18:15,622 --> 00:18:18,333
DUPONT? ONLY WITH MY HUSBAND.
523
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,210
SON OF A BITCH! AM I RIGHT,
524
00:18:20,752 --> 00:18:26,591
LADIES?
525
00:18:27,175 --> 00:18:33,139
[SHELLEY] I AM RIGHT.
526
00:18:33,765 --> 00:18:34,849
[SHELLEY] I AM RIGHT.
527
00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:43,608
(CRYING)
528
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:45,276
[SCOTT] THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD BUT
529
00:18:45,902 --> 00:18:53,534
LET'S PUNCH IT UP A BIT.
530
00:18:53,952 --> 00:18:55,245
(LAUGHING)
531
00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,163
[SCOTT] MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.
532
00:19:14,055 --> 00:19:17,850
[■■]
533
00:19:19,269 --> 00:19:20,103
LAST TIME. I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME
534
00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:21,020
YOUR BADGE.
535
00:19:21,729 --> 00:19:21,770
[MAHONEY] YOU WANT MY BADGE,
536
00:19:21,771 --> 00:19:21,896
CHIEF?
537
00:19:22,647 --> 00:19:23,273
[CHIEF] YES, I WANT YOUR BADGE.
538
00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:24,732
[CHIEF] PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS
539
00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:25,858
DIFFICULT, MAHONEY.
540
00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:26,859
[MAHONEY] OH, I'M NOT. I'M JUST
541
00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:27,735
TRYING TO ASCERTAIN EXACTLY WHAT
542
00:19:28,486 --> 00:19:29,862
IT IS THAT YOU WANT FROM ME. AM
543
00:19:30,613 --> 00:19:32,282
I RIGHT TO ASSUME IT'S MY BADGE.
544
00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:33,157
[CHIEF] THAT'S CORRECT.
545
00:19:33,741 --> 00:19:34,367
[MAHONEY] FINE. TAKE MY BADGE.
546
00:19:35,118 --> 00:19:35,285
[CHIEF] THIS IS A BAG OF M&MS.
547
00:19:36,035 --> 00:19:36,077
[MAHONEY] PERHAPS I
548
00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:36,660
MISUNDERSTOOD THE BADGE YOU
549
00:19:36,661 --> 00:19:37,203
WANTED.
550
00:19:37,954 --> 00:19:38,121
[CHIEF] PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
551
00:19:38,705 --> 00:19:38,871
[MAHONEY] THIS BADGE?
552
00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:39,622
[CHIEF] THAT IS NOT A BADGE.
553
00:19:40,206 --> 00:19:40,290
[MAHONEY] IS IT NOT?
554
00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:41,291
[CHIEF] IT'S A BRICK.
555
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:42,208
[MAHONEY] JUST LET ME GET THIS
556
00:19:42,792 --> 00:19:43,167
STRAIGHT, OKAY. LET'S SAY THIS
557
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:44,294
IS YOU. YOU ARE REPRESENTED BY
558
00:19:45,086 --> 00:19:45,712
THIS DOG. AND THIS SLICE OF
559
00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:48,006
PIZZA IS ME AND MY BADGE WILL BE
560
00:19:48,756 --> 00:19:50,300
PLAYED BY THIS SNOWMAN. YOU WANT
561
00:19:51,259 --> 00:19:52,343
ME TO GIVE YOU THE SNOWMAN? I
562
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:53,594
CAN'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING. I'M
563
00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:54,595
PIZZA.
564
00:19:55,346 --> 00:19:55,555
[CHIEF] DO NOT MAKE ME TAKE IT
565
00:19:56,139 --> 00:19:56,764
WITH FORCE MAHONEY.
566
00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:57,765
[MAHONEY] WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, I'M
567
00:19:58,391 --> 00:19:58,683
JUST TRYING TO GET THIS
568
00:19:59,434 --> 00:20:00,310
STRAIGHT. I'LL BE REPRESENTED BY
569
00:20:01,102 --> 00:20:02,103
THIS STAFF OF HERMES, AND YOU
570
00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:03,688
WILL BE THIS YOUNG INGENUE WHO
571
00:20:04,439 --> 00:20:04,981
JUST ARRIVED IN THE BIG CITY AND
572
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:06,774
IS HOPING TO MAKE A SPLASH ON
573
00:20:07,191 --> 00:20:07,233
BROADWAY...
574
00:20:07,817 --> 00:20:08,276
[CHIEF] GIVE ME YOUR BADGE!
575
00:20:08,776 --> 00:20:08,818
[MAHONEY] NO.
576
00:20:09,402 --> 00:20:09,861
[CHIEF] GIVE ME YOUR BADGE!
577
00:20:10,528 --> 00:20:10,737
[MAHONEY] I DON'T HAVE IT.
578
00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:12,155
[CHIEF] WHERE IS IT?
579
00:20:12,905 --> 00:20:13,448
[MAHONEY] I GOT DRUNK AND PINNED
580
00:20:13,906 --> 00:20:14,324
IT TO A BEAR.
581
00:20:14,824 --> 00:20:14,866
[CHIEF] WHAT?
582
00:20:15,616 --> 00:20:15,742
[MAHONEY] HE COULD BE AN ASSET
583
00:20:16,409 --> 00:20:17,535
TO THE FORCE. OFFICER BEAR!
584
00:20:18,286 --> 00:20:18,494
[CHIEF] WHERE IS THIS BEAR NOW?
585
00:20:19,245 --> 00:20:19,829
[MAHONEY] WELL, THE LAST I SAW,
586
00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:20,747
HE BORROWED MY CAR.
587
00:20:21,164 --> 00:20:22,623
(SIRENS)
588
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:23,374
[MAHONEY] HE COMMANDEERED MY
589
00:20:23,708 --> 00:20:23,916
CAR.
590
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:24,792
[CHIEF] YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.
591
00:20:25,418 --> 00:20:25,793
GIVE ME YOUR FIRE ARM.
592
00:20:26,336 --> 00:20:26,377
[MAHONEY] UHHHH...
593
00:20:26,919 --> 00:20:29,547
(SIRENS)
594
00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:30,965
[MAHONEY] COULD I OFFER YOU SOME
595
00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:41,351
[RON] HEY, I'M RON FRUIT LOOP.
596
00:20:42,268 --> 00:20:44,645
IN EVERY BOX OF FRUIT LOOPS,
597
00:20:45,396 --> 00:20:47,815
YOU'LL FIND ME. RON FRUIT LOOP.
598
00:20:48,566 --> 00:20:49,108
ONLY ONE BOX OF FRUIT LOOPS SOLD
599
00:20:49,859 --> 00:20:52,236
PER DAY OR AS LONG AS IT TAKES
600
00:20:53,029 --> 00:20:55,573
FOR ME TO GET FROM ONE BOX TO
601
00:20:56,324 --> 00:20:56,824
THE OTHER. JUST DIAL THIS TOLL
602
00:20:57,575 --> 00:20:59,911
FREE NUMBER. I'LL FIND MY WAY TO
603
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:01,120
WHATEVER GROCERY STORE YOU'RE
604
00:21:01,871 --> 00:21:04,290
AT, SLIP MY BODY INTO A BOX OF
605
00:21:04,999 --> 00:21:12,382
CEREAL, WHICH YOU CAN BUY.
606
00:21:13,132 --> 00:21:15,259
[RON] SOUR! I NEED MORE!
607
00:21:16,052 --> 00:21:18,179
[ANDREW] OH, LOOK WHO IT IS! OLD
608
00:21:18,805 --> 00:21:20,390
MAN BUSH, RUINING A TAKE.
609
00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:21,182
[KYLE] CUT THERE. CAN WE CUT
610
00:21:21,516 --> 00:21:21,557
THERE?
611
00:21:22,266 --> 00:21:22,725
[ANDREW] YOU THINK OLD MAN BUSH
612
00:21:23,476 --> 00:21:24,268
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THE
613
00:21:25,019 --> 00:21:26,396
WHAT? WELL GUESS WHAT GUYS: I
614
00:21:27,271 --> 00:21:29,399
DON'T CARE, OKAY? I DO NOT CARE.
615
00:21:30,191 --> 00:21:31,401
BECAUSE BEING JUVENILE IS
616
00:21:32,276 --> 00:21:32,568
RIDICULOUS. YOU REALLY WANT ME
617
00:21:33,277 --> 00:21:33,945
TO BE JUVENILE? IS THAT WHAT
618
00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:35,405
YOU WANT? HOLD THIS. I'M GOING
619
00:21:36,239 --> 00:21:37,115
TO LIGHT MY FART ON FIRE. THAT'S
620
00:21:37,865 --> 00:21:38,408
RIGHT. BECAUSE THAT'S COOL AND
621
00:21:39,325 --> 00:21:40,118
HIP AND, YOU KNOW, WITH IT.
622
00:21:40,868 --> 00:21:41,953
WHATEVER. OH AWESOME. IPHONES.
623
00:21:42,703 --> 00:21:43,996
OKAY. MY NAME IS ANDY AND THIS
624
00:21:44,455 --> 00:21:45,415
IS BUM FART.
625
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:46,999
(GRUNTING)
626
00:21:47,417 --> 00:21:52,046
(WEAK FART)
627
00:21:52,672 --> 00:21:53,506
[BRIAN] OH MY GOD. ANDY.
628
00:21:54,132 --> 00:21:54,173
[MARK] DID YOU JUST SHIT
629
00:21:54,549 --> 00:21:54,590
YOURSELF?
630
00:21:55,258 --> 00:21:56,551
[ANDREW] NO. OH, I POOPED MY
631
00:21:57,301 --> 00:21:59,178
PANTS ON NATIONAL TV. GET THAT
632
00:21:59,929 --> 00:22:01,431
OUT OF MY FACE. SOMEONE HELP ME.
633
00:22:02,265 --> 00:22:02,515
[SCOTT] JUST HANG ON. HANG ON
634
00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:04,600
FOR A SECOND. I JUST NEED THIS.
635
00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:06,018
[ANDREW] WHOA!
636
00:22:06,352 --> 00:22:10,273
(THUD)
637
00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:11,816
[BILL] AWW, LOOKIT!
638
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:12,984
[MARK] THAT'S REALLY CUTE. PUSS,
639
00:22:13,651 --> 00:22:15,445
PUSS, PUSS, PUSS, PUSS...
640
00:22:20,283 --> 00:22:48,101
[■■]
40445
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