Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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* L-O-V-E me *

* This is Murphy Lizzle On a Jazze produc-shizzle *

* My nizzle *

* I'm a make you love me, babe *

* Hug me, baby *

* Place no one above me, baby *

* Kissing and hugging Hugging and kissing *

* Give me a chance I'm the one you're missing *

* L-O-V-E me *

* Demolish ya def Acknowledge yourself *

* Now you rock a smaller belt For my nutritional health *

* I'm the god, mommy *

* Teach you what you need To be taught *

* And these feelings That I brought, ma *

* They all in your thoughts *

* You can't love nobody Till you love you *

* So when you do love somebody You know what to do *

* And I ain't trying To get mushy, you dig? *

* And all pushy, you dig? *

* I just like the fact Your tushy is big *

* Can I touch it, touch it? Maybe caress it and rub it? *

* Take advantage of it *

* Show me your private When we in public *

* You acting fresh this way Like, "But guess" *

* But really you princess cut *

* Invisible set Incredible sex *

* Way, way ahead Of the rest *

* Best personality Face, booty and chest *

* I'm a make you love me, baby *

* And I can make you Love me, baby *

* Hug me, baby Place no one above me, baby *

* Kissing and hugging Hugging and kissing *

* Give me a chance I'm the cat you're missing *

* Come on I'm a make you love me, girl *

* Hug me, girl Place no one above me, girl *

* Kiss and hug me, babe Give me a chance *

* I'm the cat that You loving, come on *

* L-O-V-E me *

* Ooh, da da da *

* From Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday *

* Friday, Saturday And sometimes Sunday *

* L-O-V-E me *

* Ooh, da da da *

* From Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday *

* Friday, Saturday And sometimes Sunday *

* L-O-V-E me *

* From Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday *

* Friday, Saturday And sometimes Sunday *

* L-O-V-E me *

* Ooh, da da da *

* From Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday *

Ohh!

GIRL 1: Be sure to lock the door.

GIRL 2: I locked it.

Hi there. Go on in.

Hi, Ms. Morgan.

Oh, Alvin. I should have called you.

The kids are having a party, and it's in full swing now.

Oh, that's okay. I can still clean the pool.

They won't be in my way. Oh...

Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay. It's about time you made it, man.

Yo, my fault, dog.

Come on. Talking all that garbage in school.

That's you, baby. What

Look at you.

Wow!

GIRL: There you are.

You know, I've been looking all over for you.

Come here!

Mama's little baby. Look at the dog. Yeah.

You guys, thank you so much for watching over the grill.

No problem. Yeah, thanks.

TED: Forget it man. Chicks like Paris don't date outside the NBA.

* Hold you, kiss you So sexy *

* Drive me crazy *

* I wanna hold you *

* Kiss you, so sexy *

* Drive me crazy, baby *

* I don't even care How I look *

* My mind is saying That it is you *

* Yeah, you're blowing my mind You're blowing my mind *

* I can't deny I can't deny it *

* I'm out of my head I'm out of my head *

* Wanna bet your last bet I can make your life better *

* Next to you It's the sexy things you do *

Swim lessons, boy!

All wet.

GIRL: You need some Floaties.

BOY: Get that garbage out of the pool!

Let me give you a tip, punk.

Next time you wanna crash a party

don't fall in the pool.

He's the pool boy, Ted.

If he was in the pool, it was for a reason, I'm sure.

Well, it's a lot more technical than you think.

See, I was just--

Anyhoo! Come on, man.

Let's get out of here.

Thinks he's on the swim team or something.

PARIS: Can you believe she had the nerve to ask me

what it was like being with him?

I was like, "Oh, my God."

Hello

Dru's on TV!

STUART SCOTT: A year ago, he was going to his high-school prom.

He had his corsage and that old-school,

jacked-up frilly shirt.

Now he's clean, living pro-baller style.

That's one hell of a jump.

Why'd you have to bring up the corsage?

Because we all did it.

I bet all your peoples back home on the West Coast miss you.

You probably got a girl there. Oh, my God.

I have a job here. I play professional basketball. That's what I do.

Otherwise, you know how it is, Stu. I'm a free agent.

Mm-hm.

All right. Officially, he is a member of the NBA.

Let's go back to SportsCenter.

Free agent

Paged him.

GIRL: I'll see you in homeroom, all right?

ALVIN: Yo. How you guys doing?

Did you see the update on the GM website?

What update?

Some guy in Kentucky boosted

his power-to-weight ratio by 10 percent.

You still have the best design. That New York guy has given up.

And the guy from Kentucky is just desperate.

You don't have anything to worry about.

Except durability. And power-to-weight.

WALTER: See, that's when a new camshaft comes in.

It's lighter and stronger at the same time.

You're one of the three finalists, Alvin.

You're the man!

Hey.

We're only discussing you getting a full-ride,

four-year scholarship--

She's like a Frappuccino with hips.

It's like they all saw the interview.

They did. It was on SportsCenter.

Ooh, grande mocha-brownie Frappuccino.

With mint hot fudge and mint whipped cream.

Dream on.

Clearly, Alvin's not masturbating enough.

Thank God I don't have that problem.

All right, holler at your people, now.

I'm not touching that. I don't want to.

I don't want to.

Yvonne's right. Act like he called with a good explanation.

Yeah, well, he better call,

and he better have a good explanation. Look at me.

CHUCK: Look at them. Not a care in the world.

You know if they catch you staring like that,

they're gonna send the jocks to kick our asses.

No, they won't.

We're invisible. Invisible?

Not "invisible" invisible. Just invisible to them.

We'd be visible enough if we'd walk down that hallway.

Why can't we walk down that hallway? It's a hallway.

In that community, we're immigrants without green cards.

What? Boy, I got on high fashion just like them. Check this out.

A fake label you got off the Internet

and stuck on some Wranglers. Very high fashion.

Man, watch this. Walter.

Hey, Walter. Walter, no!

BOY: Hell, son, you in the wrong hall, man!

I mean, I'll get you there. I'll breaks it down.

Yeah. Hey, girl.

You like how I do that? He doesn't even see us.

Yo, man!

Yo, yo, yo.

Y'all busters stinking up our hallway again?

No, no, dudes. It's cool, bro.

Look. Check this.

Oh, what's up with that, Ted?

What's that, the gay surrender? You some type of homo thug?

Man, I ought to kick your ass!

Punk.

Stay out of here.

WALTER: I got on Sean Johns. I'm gonna make me some Phat Farms.

No, I mean, buy some.

Don't come down this hallway again!

No, man. No, man. We can't be having that.

CHUCK: It sounded great.

After you win, we should drop this in the Galaxie.

ALVIN: If I win.

No offense, but this baby's going with me.

Keep it in my dorm room. Until I get a car.

No "if." When you win, man.

I sure hope I win.

It'd be a nice change.

Tired of people calling us losers.

Who says we're losers? What's the matter with you?

Being depressed and cynical is my job.

Man...

We're about to graduate soon.

We never go on dates.

Never go to any dances.

We have no memories.

I mean, we're settling.

And they're not.

[AL GREEN'S "TIRED OF BEING ALONE"]

* I'm so tired of being alone I'm so tied up on my own *

* Won't you help me, girl? Just as soon as you can *

* People say That I found a way *

* To make you say That you love me *

* But, baby You didn't go for that *

WOMAN: Clarence! Dinner's ready!

Can you turn off that music, please?

Turn off the music like you been turning off your loving.

Alvin, honey, turn that game off. Come on, time to eat.

Aretha, come on, honey, time to eat. Let's go.

Gracious God.

So...

Alvin, got a date tonight? Dad, you're in denial.

Shut up, you Bride-of-Chucky-looking extraterrestrial--

That's not even funny, stupid.

Well, Alvin, what do you have planned for tonight, boy?

I'm gonna do some work on the computer.

All the schematics have to be coded

in HTML for the GM website.

Then me and the guys are gonna bust out some Xbox.

See that? Your son's a healthy, heterosexual dork.

Shut up, Lil' Kim in training! Both of you, hush now.

Why you always blaming me?

Go straight from the bank to the auto yard when you pick up that part.

I don't like you walking around with that much cash.

Why not $1500.

$1500?

My boy got $1500 cleaning swimming pools?

Yeah, and he collected it in genuine currency,

not IOUs or food stamps.

Hold on, now.

Food stamps just like money.

Try to buy school clothes with food stamps.

VIVIAN: All right, young lady, watch yourself.

Look, uh, son.

Your mama right. You know, we proud of you.

Work on your little engine and all your little school stuff

and all like that, but listen to me, son.

All that working like that without no loving?

That drive a man crazy.

You hear about all them students over in China,

all of them be jumping out windows

because they be under so much pressure.

You know why they jump out of windows?

Because they ain't got enough singing over there

and ain't enough loving over there.

You ever heard of a Chinese love song?

How many Chinese people over there?

Give me a figure. What, about 25

What, about 30 billion of them?

Thirty billion people ain't got a one Barry White.

Ever seen a big old, fat, black, Chinese Barry White man?

Any of them? Have you ever?

Hell, no. Ain't gonna see one either.

Dad, I hear you on the whole dating thing.

You know, sometimes you wanna hang out--

I'm gonna tell you something.

* You gonna get Tired of being at home *

* Tired of being alone-- *

Clarence! Oh, shut up.

* Ought to help yourself Find a smooth little girl *

Don't worry, honey, he'll call.

Speaking of calling,

my cell phone doesn't work at the resort

so if you need me, call the resort.

I know, the number's on the fridge.

You know what? I'll just be a second.

I forgot to put the car in the garage.

I cannot leave my Escalade-- You're killing me.

Come on, sweetie.

Mom, go!

I'll put it in for you. Okay.

Park it and leave it.

Don't even think about cruising around with my car

with your friends, thinking you're cute, Paris.

I mean it. You are not on my insurance.

Mom, stop!

Look, you give yourself no credit.

You ain't no fool-maker.

JUNIOR: She's right, and we're late.

Love you. Love you too.

Don't worry, honey, he will call on one of those phones.

[JEANNIE ORTEGA'S "GOT WHAT IT TAKES" PLAYING]

* Aaah Feelin' it *

* Tell me now *

* I got what it takes To start the party *

* We're coming out tonight It's time to do it right *

I'm balling.

Girl, your mama's wheels are tight.

* ...Pimp, y'all Don't need the cash *

* Just want to shake My boricua ass *

* Just want to feel it's on *

Take your time. Give everyone a chance to envy.

Paris is rolling! Yo, that's hot!

* ...Beat can't relax... *

It's Dru. This is perfect.

Stay on the phone with him while we drive up.

Too bad we don't have a speaker. Do I mention the interview?

Hell, yeah, you mention the damn interview, girl.

Just be cool. ZOE: And sweet.

No, sweet is weak, Zoe.

He can't see you through the phone!

Just answer it.

Hello, Dru? Who's your boo, baby?

You're my boo, baby, but why did you have to go and dis me?

Why you sweating me? Come on. Who loves you?

Dru loves you. Never stop, never will stop.

Don't hate the player, baby. Hate the game.

ALVIN: Hey, this looks pretty cool.

Hopefully, Russell Simmons doesn't kick your ass.

Wait till the whole car looks like that.

Then all the girls will notice us? No.

At least with the Phat Farm,

we'll get some phat booties to rub on. Talk to you!

I hate y'all, man.

Man, I'm telling you, we gonna roll up in this car,

everybody's head's gonna be turning.

So, baby, really, it was just publicity?

Yeah, girl.

Hey, hold on, okay? Hold on.

He's got me on hold.

Feel like popping a cork, sugar?

Who's that? Who's who?

The limo driver popped a tire. I gotta go.

Oh, no, you don't. Then say my name.

Better say it. Say my name!

You better say my name. He didn't say it.

What do you mean, he didn't say your name?

He didn't say my name! ZOE: Look out!

BOY: Oh, she done messed the ride!

Yo, I got an uncle that could fix that, baby!

GROUP: Better get Maaco! Ooh!

CAR: OnStar emergency.

BOY: I'll stand anywhere, baby.

Is there an emergency in your vehicle?

Do you have any idea how much that's gonna cost?

$3000?

And about two weeks in terms of labor.

I'm a little backed up.

Is there any way we can figure out

some kind of payment schedule?

Yeah, sure. Here's what we can do.

You give me 300 now and then you come back

two weeks from Monday with 2700.

And that's cash on delivery, not check on delivery.

That doesn't make sense.

Do you realize I just said, my mom's gonna be back on Monday!

In two weeks, I'll be dead! Don't worry about it, honey.

Kids crash cars all the time. That's why people get insurance.

You're not on your mom's insurance, are you?

I'm dead.

Hey, Alvin! It's in.

You gotta check this out.

It's amazing how light this is.

It's hard to believe it's a camshaft.

You know her?

That's Paris Morgan.

Will you kindly explain to her

that two weeks and 3 grand is the best she can hope for?

I mean, it's too bad her mama's coming home on Monday.

Out of that 3 grand...

how much is in parts?

I don't know. About 1500. Why?

I'll be right back.

Paris?

Um, Alan?

Alvin.

You do our pool, right?

Yeah. You know,

Ben's quoting you a really fair price.

That's what I figured.

I'm dead.

Not necessarily.

What?

I can have it done by Monday.

You can do it?

The parts are only $1500.

I can have the labor done by this weekend.

But I don't have $1500.

I do.

Let's back up here.

Now, you're saying you're willing to fix this car

this weekend and pay for the parts?

ALVIN: Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Exactly.

PARIS: And what exactly do you want in return?

What, you think I'm some cheap ho?

Wait. This has nothing to do with sex.

You don't have to do anything.

Just pretend.

Pretend to be my girlfriend for a couple of months.

So you think that you can buy me for $1500?

No, no, no. Not buy you, just rent you.

Did I mention this has nothing to do with sex?

Why would you want people to think that I'm your girl?

It would make me popular.

All right. One week.

I'm your girl for one week.

ALVIN: It has to be a month.

PARIS: Two weeks! That's my final answer.

Okay, two weeks. Perfect.

And you better not even think about sex.

Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it.

And don't even look at my booty.

Right. No booty licking.

I mean, looking.

ALVIN: This is a sworn secret, right?

You can't tell anyone about our deal. Promise?

PARIS: Believe me, this is one thing

I can guarantee I will never admit to anyone.

Pinky swear?

Whoa! You're not late.

My dad says all women are 15 minutes late--

You know what? Zip your mouth.

Do you own an iron?

Come here. Let me fix this. All right.

All right.

Sorry. The pressure, the pressure.

Sorry, sorry. I'm really ready to go now.

Hold on.

Put this on.

Whoa! Real Sean John!

All right!

This rocks!

Okay, Alan, let's do this. Actually, Alvin.

Like Al Green, because my sister is actually named Aretha.

Whatever.

GIRL: Yo, grinder, go home!

Why is he in our hallway? Just be cool.

Wrong hall, cornball. Come on, boy.

Bozo's lost again.

Girl, you are tripping.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, guys. You guys know Al, right?

Why is Tito Jackson here?

Come here, girl. We gotta talk.

Why is he rolling with you?

Look, we're friends, all right?

I'm just hanging with him. Okay?

No, we're friends. Have you lost your mind? Look at him.

He looks like a buggawuf. It's gonna ruin your reputation.

Hello? I'm the one hanging with him, not you guys.

Okay, but as the old saying goes:

"Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are."

Well, as the new saying goes:

"Tell me who your friends are, Yvonne,

and I'll tell you who you wanna be."

No, she didn't. Oh, yes, I did.

Hurry up.

Alvin, did you twist your ankle or something?

No. I'm just walking.

WALTER: Nice job sewing on that Sean John label, buddy.

Let me see that.

Wait a minute. Is this real? Real Sean John?

Where did you get this?

Paris Morgan. She let me borrow it.

Give it back!

Paris Morgan?

You expect us to believe that Paris Morgan lent you a sweatshirt?

Why is that so hard to believe?

Because it would imply that she would actually speak to you.

Not only did she speak to me, we walked together. Lingered.

We even had small conversation.

Paris Morgan had this actual sweatshirt on her actual body?

Yeah. Let me smell it one more time.

Don't be that way, brother!

That's a nice scent. Wait, it's on fire!

Hose it down! Put it out!

Turn the water on.

TEACHER: What's going on, Mr. Johnson?

Okay, it's out!

"Sean Jo." Could be Asian.

Sean Jo.

Smell like burnt Paris Morgan now.

That's how hot she is.

WALTER: That was a good one.

Okay, okay. Ladies, look and learn.

Keep it gangster!

Now, what do you call that? High maintenance.

PARIS: Dang, Ted. Didn't realize you were so talented.

Yo, Paris, you're the one who went

to the Halle Berry School for Driving.

Yeah, how you gonna fix that? It's already fixed.

Oh, come on, Ted.

When homegirl is all quiet and humble about it,

it's because her rich and famous boo, Mr. Dru,

paid for all that to be corrected immediately.

What's Mr. Dru gonna think when he finds out

you're volunteering for special ed,

rolling with that retard Alvin?

You're the last person to be commenting

on someone's mental health, Kadeem.

He's a grinder, not a retard.

But on the real, Paris,

he carries a pool net around town

on a motorized scooter.

You know, I don't believe I granted an interview today.

* Me and my homeys grab a spot On the dance floor *

* Basically we need to go out And dance more *

* Go ahead, turn it around Show me what you got *

* Yeah, I like it a lot Shorty makes me hot *

* Do it up I'm right here with ya *

* Love your style And how they dress with ya *

* Let me kiss ya Just to kiss ya *

Hey. Hey, look.

CHUCK: It doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense.

WALTER: He cleans her pool.

Well, I wanna clean pools now.

Get to hang out with Paris Morgan.

I'll clean the bathtub too.

Yo, check this out, man.

Losers sit over there, to the left.

You feel me?

Then I guess you'll be making a right.

That's the asshole section, Ted.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go get some dessert.

You know, the Butterfingers in the vending machine rock.

You know, y'all don't have to be so rude,

staring at him like that.

Paris, why are you with him?

I'm rolling with Al because I'm with him, okay?

BOY: Yeah.

There you are. Come on, let's bounce.

There's a game tonight, so scoop me up at 6:30?

I will be scooping you like Chunky Monkey.

MAN OVER TV: Slide, hit six...

...and kick.

Pull. Land low.

All right. Now shake it out.

Shake it out. Good job, y'all.

All right. Ready to have a good time?

Give me my tape.

It's not your tape. It's Dad's tape.

Take your Wonderbra and get out.

And why would you need it anyway?

You know you'll never get to use it.

Oh, yeah? Well, guess what.

Thank you. Mom? Alvin's taking drugs.

He's hallucinating. He actually thinks he has a date tonight.

Okay, and why can't he have a date?

With Paris Morgan?

The most beautiful girl at school? Dad, you bugging.

What that supposed to mean? Look at him.

Where's the iron?

It's under the sink. Are you feeling okay, honey?

Mom, I'm great.

See that? Drugs.

Do you think maybe I should

No. Look here. Let me handle this here.

He probably just needs a good talking to, that's all.

Take it low.

Son? Come out and talk to your father.

Shake it out.

Shake it out. Good. Have fun with it. Take it to the side.

Take it low. Do what you wanna do. It's the shake-off.

Come on, take a seat.

Come on. Gotta get your sea legs.

Might wanna get yourself a waterbed one day.

There ain't a woman born that can resist

the motion-- Bam!

of the ocean. Bam!

Dad, I gotta iron my clothes.

No, no, no. Don't worry about that.

Because nothing right now can rob me

of this rite of passage between the father and his son.

Me and you right now, it's big.

And kick.

Jump, jump. And mambo.

Now kick him in the nuts, girl. Kick him in the face.

And punch.

Hi-yah! Chop, chop.

This here, son,

is your hope chest.

This is my legacy to you.

A hope chest?

They come in all different sizes and colors.

Let me talk to you, son.

This right here, son-- Look at me, boy. Watch this here.

This is the Trojan ribbed, lubricated.

Sturdy, reliable, dependable. Like a truck.

When you got into something you don't really know what you into,

and it get a little rough for you,

makes you downshift.

This one here, son...

This is the super-size.

Magnum majestic.

The prophylactic Cadillac.

Oh, yeah.

This is when you find yourself and you're there.

You done got so comfortable with yourself

you done built up a reputation.

You feel me?

And this one here, son, be extra careful,

because that's Mr. Little Extra Sensitive.

You really don't need this, especially on the first round.

You'll enjoy the ride too much,

end up on the curb somewhere out of commission.

You don't want that. Save this for round three.

Because believe me, there's gonna be a round three.

Look at me. Feel me.

All right, now, look strong. Come on, son.

Close your mouth. There you go.

Keep it tight. Work with it.

Love you, man.

--seven, eight, and chop, chop.

And mambo. Lucy Liu!

Now kick him in the nuts, girl. Kick him in the face.

And punch.

Chop, chop. Yeah. Mambo.

Lucy Liu, now. Kick him in the back, the face.

Punch. Chop, chop. Mambo.

Lucy Liu. Now kick him in the nuts, girl.

Kick him in the face. Step, punch.

Girl, you know better than that.

You better put that chicken wing down, okay?

I see you, girl. Five, six, seven, eight, down.

And wiggle.

And shimmy.

And five and six and....

* I'll never be untrue *

* Ooh, baby, yeah *

Touch yourself, come on.

Hold me tight. Yes.

* Let's stay together *

* Loving you whether Whether *

Oh, hell, no.

Hey, fellas, how you doing?

Hey, Mr. Johnson. What's going on?

Look, I got a bit of bad news for you.

It seems like Alvin done moved. He don't stay here no more.

This has ceased to be funny. Ah! Ah!

Hey, ain't nobody playing with you, now.

Listen to me. I know you been friends

with Alvin since the first grade,

but Alvin dating a girl now.

He don't need to be hanging around

y'all scientific-looking ass no more.

Stop all that, now.

Y'all take it easy, okay? Come on, Mr. Johnson!

Get your big, wide ass off the door.

You gonna mess around, and I'm gonna get my Roto-Rooter

and stick it--

Come on in!

All right, yeah. Exactly. Let me in.

Alvin, your dad's funny.

So, what's going on?

I'm not asking him.

Okay, look, well, we always sit together

at the games in the visitor section, and...

Well, are you going to sit with us

or in the home seats with the popular kids?

WALTER: Yeah, see, we were thinking that we'd sit

in the home section with you

so you could introduce us to Paris Morgan.

Yeah. Yeah.

Of course you can! WALTER: All right! Yeah!

So did you and Paris, you know, do it?

Do what?

It! It, it, it! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Sorry, guys.

I'm not telling.

Dogpile!

These are for you.

They're Arabian roses.

Alvin, that's so sweet, but you shouldn't have.

Girls see a guy being too nice

and it makes him seem lonely, desperate, weak.

Right, right. I should write this down.

No, no, no, no.

Look, just be a little tougher. You know?

Make like you don't need me.

Like you don't need any girl.

Then girls will want you.

Okay? Okay.

But the flowers, they're nice.

Look, I'll just go put them in water,

and then we'll go to the game, all right?

You stay right there. Okay?

ANNOUNCER: Basket!

Assist, Sanders!

Sit down, clowns! Dumb-asses!

Sit down, Q-Tip!

* Jackrabbits! Jackrabbits! Jackrabbits! Jackrabbits! *

Hi, Paris! Hi, Paris!

Hi, Paris! Come on.

All right, guys, that's enough.

She's working. Leave her alone.

ZOE: What a wankster.

ANNOUNCER: And now, the Jackrabbit drill squad.

* Left, right *

Chuck, have some couth.

WALTER: Yeah, it's just breasts and bottoms, damn!

Hey! Hey!

My mom bought those for me!

One time! One time! CHUCK: Why are you like that?

You pretty.

* To the left, right *

* Take time *

* Just do your thing Dropping on the dance floor *

* Left, right *

* Take time *

* You got it You got it for the dance floor *

* Left, right *

* Take time *

* Just do your thing Dropping on the dance floor *

She's perfect.

Move. Move. Move. What are you doing sitting in my section?

You hungry Let me offer some for you.

Home is down with your man.

Stay out of my section, all right?

Losers sit over there, to the left!

MAN: What are you, a big fake?

Alvin?

Alvin! The deal is off.

Just go. Go be with your friends while they still claim you.

Come down out of that tree.

We still have a lot of time to pretend we're friends.

And unlike some people, I keep my promises.

You mean, unlike Dru?

Ah!

Are you okay

You know, these next two weeks, if it's any consolation,

are probably gonna be the happiest memories of my life.

You can't be serious.

Alvin, we've had one rejection after another.

Now, are those the kind of victories

you really want in life?

No, not really.

Then I say we do something about it.

Come on.

* I said give me two pairs I need two pairs *

* So I can get to stompin' In my Air Force Ones *

* Stompin' in my Air Force Ones *

* I like the all-white high-top Strap with the gum bottom *

* There's somethin' 'bout 'em That's dirty *

* That's why I got 'em *

* I leave 'em strapped and laced And come up out 'em *

* The last person That touched 'em *

* I damn near shot 'em *

* Now if you looked and seen Lime-green Forces and kiwi *

* You couldn't get this color If you had a personal genie *

* You now I keep it hip-hop My niggas flip-flop *

* I like the limited edition The khaki and army-green *

* Patent leather Pinstripe *

* You should see how I do The strings *

* Size 12 with the strap Red and white *

* With a cardinal cap *

* All flavors It just depend On when and where I'm at *

* Don't get me wrong, man Murphy Lee ain't dumb, man *

* I said give me two pairs I need two pairs *

* So I can get to stompin' In my Air Force Ones *

* Stompin' in my Air Force Ones *

* Stompin' in my Air Force Ones *

What happened to your hair?

Probably need to roll your pants up just a little bit.

Oh, see, these is Sean John.

So I gotta get my swing on.

Son, what has happened to your priorities?

Oh, no, see, it was all about what was under the hood.

Now I'm trying to be on top of the hood.

Because I'm a baller-tician

on a mission. Holler.

Urkel has gone gangster.

Probably need to go in here, say something to this boy.

Here we go.

Your mother wants me to talk to you

about what's gotten into you.

But what I wanna talk about is who you're getting into.

What is that, boy? What is that?

You'll need more money than that

if you trying to scratch that kitty-cat.

Let me help you out, son.

Thanks, Dad.

Boy, been waiting a long time for that right there.

And that's not all.

Got it for you right here.

Yeah.

Dad, I think I still have a few left

from the boxful that you gave me last night.

Boy, you won't use these cheap suckers right here.

These is for practice.

Come here, let me show you what I'm talking about.

Sit down right there.

Listen to me. You gotta be able to know how to do this

with the ease of a true player.

Because nothing kill a mood quicker

than you sitting up there wrestling

trying to get your raincoat on your little rascal down there.

Now, go on, open one of them, right there.

Take your time.

Work with it. There you go.

Okay.

That was good, son. That was real good.

Two problems. Number one, too slow, girl probably asleep.

Second problem, you used two hands.

You a Johnson. We one-hand people.

Make you look a lot smoother.

Here we go.

Little rusty, that's all.

Sorry about that, boy.

I want you to practice unrolling one.

No, don't worry about that. You a Johnson.

I got you right here.

Go on, slide that on there.

You practice on that right now. I'll be right back.

Here we go, right here.

All the practicing in the world ain't gonna do you no good

if you kill too much time and you lose the mood.

I'm about to give you my number one, smooth-groove jam

guaranteed to set the mood just like you need it.

Stay with me, boy. This big.

[EARTH, WIND & FIRE'S "REASONS" PLAYING]

* Now, I'm craving your body Is this real? *

* Temperature's rising I don't wanna feel *

Go on, feel it.

Come on, now, you're Clarence Johnson's boy.

Wet your lips.

Gotta get them wet. Go on.

You got them wet like that? Now, there it is.

You know what? She wants you now.

You're a Johnson man. All you got to do is lay back...

let her come on into your world.

Let her slide right on up on the kitchen.

Because you fixed to start cooking. Oh, yeah.

Just go to work. When you hold her, got to get her like that.

She starts sliding right on down where you got to have it.

Get up under there. It's all good for you.

Then you make your move. You slide around on her.

Then you're in control. Lock on. Here we go!

Along for the ride, baby!

Boy, you gonna learn to scratch that kitty-cat

and you're gonna love it! Eww!

You can run but you can't hide!

That's why they call you "Johnson"!

Is that what you're teaching our son?

The boy going to get some.

The boy been working hard trying not to go crazy.

Maybe you ought to just let the boy have some fun.

* All our reasons why All our reasons were a lie *

* After all our reasons, love Love was left aside *

Is that our song?

Sounds like it to me.

Really?

Meow...

Woof, woof! Meow!

Watch out, now. Let me help you with that.

Hold up, might need a little rope.

Daddy, don't you do it.

Paris? It's her mother.

Ooh!

God. Get up out of my bushes! What is your problem?

Are you okay? I'm cool.

You were just here. Did I forget to pay you last week?

No, actually-- Hey, Mom. I'm out of here.

Love you, see you.

Sorry.

These kids.

So you know all this stuff about cars.

You mean to tell me you've never thought

about getting one of your own?

Not to brag or anything,

but I was chosen as one of three finalists

in the General Motors Young Engineers Competition.

It's for a full-ride scholarship.

Dang! Look at you.

Here I am sweating you, player, about not having a car,

and you know how to make one.

I hope you win.

Yeah.

I think I definitely could have won.

You know, the design was great, it ran awesome.

It just needed a stronger, lighter camshaft.

What, am I missing something here?

How come you didn't go out and buy one?

It cost $1500.

Are you serious?

There's still a chance.

And if not, hey, I got all my life to be an engineer.

The last semester in high school

only comes around once.

Look, I haven't really been on too many dates

in the last 16 or 17 years.

I hope I do okay.

You'll do great.

Slide over. You drive.

* I do the Humpty Hump Come on and do the Humpty Hump *

* So just let me Introduce myself *

* My name is Humpty Pronounced with the -umpty *

* Yo, ladies, oh How I like to funk thee *

* And all the rappers In the top-10 *

* Please allow me To bump thee *

* I'm steppin' tall, y'all *

* And just like Humpty Dumpty *

* You're gonna fall When the stereos bump me *

* I like to rhyme I like my beats funky *

* I'm spunky I like my oatmeal lumpy *

Nice Expo. Problem is, it's a '98.

What the hell do you know about cars?

Well...

...in the '98s, there's a little shortage in the battery cable.

It's nothing a little rubber insulation can't fix, though.

BOY: Pulling out a condom.

Go ahead, check it out. Give it a try.

You're gonna fix my car with a rubber?

Yeah.

* Let's get it on Girl, you look fine *

* Like that rapper that's Doing time, you just shine *

* I wanna make you mine Let me hit that from behind *

* I last a long time *

When you were doing your thizzle earlier,

you were off the hizzle.

Yeah. What kind of car do you drizzle?

"Drizzle"

Currently, he's designing and constructing one from ground up,

which, as of yet, has no model reference in layman's terms.

Yeah, so, basically, you don't have a car.

Well, I never had a rich pops to buy me anything,

so I'm just a working man trying to come up.

Yeah, you cool, man.

I'm not feeling this cat.

So let me tell you about the time

when I was fixing this little police car

on the side of the highway.

She had that outfit on, the brown one--

Hey, baby. I need to talk to you.

Oh. Now.

Fellas, y'all have to excuse me.

You are a genius! This is working great!

You're so brilliant.

You look upset. I am.

At what? While you were up here fronting

like you're some kind of player, I was outside waiting for you.

We have a deal.

We walk the hall together, remember?

Sorry, I--

Look, Alvin, I think you're starting

to feel yourself a little too much.

Who told you that, Walter? I do not do that.

My mother said you'll go blind!

Whatever.

Look, just don't ever keep me waiting again.

Hey, we'll catch up with y'all. All right, guys.

I can't believe this, dude.

What's the matter? I mean, I said I was sorry.

I got caught up. I was hanging with my friends--

The friends who gave you a pepperoni facial?

Look, we squashed all that.

It's a lot of work, Alvin. The whole interior.

We wanted you to be there.

Okay, look. I'm telling you, we'll get together this weekend,

we'll work on the car. It'll be like old times.

We'll have a good time. Order pizzas.

Great, Friday night. We'll get to work on reupholstering

the entire inside of the seats--

Friday, Friday...

I can't do it. I got plans. Well, Saturday, then.

Saturday's not good for me either.

You know what? Sunday afternoon.

Yeah. Great. Sunday.

Haa!

Yeah.

Gonna introduce me?

You met them in fourth grade, remember?

KADEEM: What's going on?

ALVIN: What's the deal?

Life is good. You all right?

Hello?

Paris?

Yo, Paris!

What are you doing just walking in my house?

The door was open. My bad.

I heard you playing your guitar, though. It sound hot.

What are you even doing here?

It's the last day in our two-week contract.

I thought we'd hang out.

Let me hear you play.

Come on.

Look, I'm still learning,

and the lyrics I wrote don't go with my melody yet.

I'll read. You play.

Come on.

"And I rise.

"In spite of my fear inside

"caused by those who have burned me with their lies.

"And I rise.

And I rise."

Look...

Go on, get dressed.

Why?

No more questions. Get dressed.

To my relationships That didn't work

The map of this human heart Starts at the age of 15

When I lost my virginity To a lady slightly older

Like most younger boys Itwas based

on the many lies That I told her

Just to hold her and to show her I had so much to prove

Like I had more experience Than she thought I knew

And though it wasn'ttrue It was amazing

But it ended because I did What most young boys do

Listened to the lies of a fool

Which ultimately Led to this poor girl

Getting socked in the jaw In the middle of school

Even though I didn't do it

I felt like I was The one to blame

Because the girl who hit her Was the cousin

Of my man who was Salting my game

Nowadays it just Don't seem cool

Tell me, what the hell Am I supposed to do?

And then a wise man Gave me a clue

He said, "The only way out Is the way through"

You know, it's silly,

but instead of this whole

"drill-team, Dru Hilton's-girl" thing

what I really, really always dream about

is just going somewhere.

Somewhere where nobody knows me.

Just being this girl with, like, crazy cool dreads

and a guitar-- Oh, never mind, it's really dumb.

You know,

you could bring your guitar here.

No, I can't.

No, you mean you won't.

This is beautiful.

You know, Al,

there's something that we've been avoiding all day.

Something that maybe we ought to do.

You know what, you're right.

This might sound kind of silly,

but how do we do it?

Well...

Just go for it, you know? Just do it.

Okay.

We'll break up first thing tomorrow morning.

In the hallway, so everybody can see.

I mean, make a big scene.

But a dignified scene, because,

you know, we gotta protect our reps.

Did you hear what I just said? Our reps!

Al Johnson has a rep to protect!

Player, player.

Come on, girl, put a pep in your step.

We got school in the morning!

* What do you do What do you say? *

* All the time Can't be replaced *

* Moments are real Wish I was still *

* Living in yesterday *

* Where do I go What do I do *

* When everything has changed? All that is real *

* The way that I feel I'll carry this love with me *

* Always *

Now, those are the benefits of being raised

in a household with vinyl and 8-track.

You know, old school for real. Damn, man, you got all the 411.

I'm talking Earth, Wind and Fire.

"Erf." E with an F at the end of it.

Al?

Here comes your girl. Al, I need to talk to you.

Don't you see grown men are talking here?

Anyway, you know, as I was saying, you know, Ohio Players--

Al, we need to talk.

"We"? What's up with this "we, we" stuff?

This ain't French class. Ain't no "we."

I'm a free agent now.

That was cruel.

Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.

BOY: That's how you keep a lady in check,

you know what I'm saying?

You still here?

Bounce. Giddyup.

Damn.

Too many fish in the sea for her to be hounding me.

GIRL: I'm feeling this. BOY: I hear you, boy.

She gonna be back too. Watch.

Did you just see how he just dogged Paris?

I want a strong brother like that.

Yep.

Look at him, standing there looking better

than a butter-leather Prada bag.

You got a lot of nerve dissing me the way you did.

Yeah, I know, that's why I came by, to apologize.

But, yo, Oscar goes to you.

Hey, I just really want to say thank you

for a great couple of weeks.

Well, I was just doing what I said I would do.

And it worked. I mean, popularity is so much better

than being treated like a social leper.

Popularity's a job, Alvin. Not a privilege.

It's nothing but work and worries.

Work to get in, work to stay in.

Get a clue.

BOY: You're killing them, dog.

Morning, dime pieces.

Your gear is real tight today, boo.

Appreciate it. You know, Nike, Burberry, Gucci, Scooby-Doo.

You're taking me to Jerry's Friday night, right?

Sure. I mean...

how could I say no to a breezy like you?

For real?

Real is all I am, baby.

I'll holler.

Yvonne, he just broke up with Paris less than 24 hours ago.

You just mad I beat you to him.

ANSWERING MACHINE: It's Yvonne. You're all mine tomorrow night.

WALTER: You know, Yolanda, my big girl,

we're gonna need the whole back seat.

CHUCK: Girls are gonna let us, you know...

They're gonna let us, is what I'm saying, when they see this.

Amazing.

Came out all right, no thanks to you.

WALTER: Feel the seats, Alvin.

ALVIN: All right. Got the Phat Farm hookup,

shag carpet, laptop, minibar. Wow.

Wait till you see the routine we got worked out

to get in the car.

Here. Stand in the front. Come on, hurry up.

Look, right there.

WALTER: Doors.

You know, you guys should really clean out the carburetor.

Ben's got an old Holley four-barrel at the shop.

I think he'll let me get it.

Cool. We're cruising tonight.

I can get right on it.

I'll go down there right now, have it fixed.

I really wanna roll out with you guys.

For real? Right on.

We missed you, man. We've been checking the GM website,

hoping to see your update.

Hey, there's plenty of time for that.

I'll meet y'all at Kenneth's house at 8.

We gonna party. Go put on your good stuff.

I don't have any good stuff. It's all right.

Hey, yo, man. I'm digging the whip, boy.

I'm feeling it, man.

You got the hooptie.

Look at her.

Yeah, I'm like the Renaissance man of automobiles.

You feel me?

This here is my newest work of art.

I call this the "groupie hooptie."

This is hot.

Put a microwave in the glove compartment.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

He's doing it.

Get some. Quench your thirst on that.

He's 63 and a half minutes late. It's not like him.

* No more hopin' and wishin' I'm about to take my key *

* Stick it in The ignition *

* So gimme that Toot toot *

* Lemme give ya that Beep beep *

* Runnin' her hands Through my 'fro *

* Bouncin' on 24s *

* It's the remix to "Ignition" Hot and fresh out the kitchen *

* Mama rolling that body Got every man in here wishin' *

* Sippin' on Coke and rum I'm like, "So what, I'm drunk" *

* It's the freakin' Weekend baby *

* I'm about To have me some fun *

* Bounce bounce *

Where you going in such a hurry?

No rush.

I get free long distance on my cell, baby.

I don't need it on a date.

Is your foot on the gas?

Sorry.

Now...

...where were we?

You gotta relax, Al.

It's all right. Now, don't you worry,

because Mama's gonna take good care of you.

Dudes! I was just e-mailing you. Sure you were.

No, seriously, man, I'm telling you,

you will not believe what happened to me tonight. Whoo!

CHUCK: Give us the keys to our car.

Okay, but I'm telling you, it's coming out

like a Penthouse letter.

Y'all know how it is when you're butt-naked

with a little cutie, right?

Yeah, right--

We were worried.

We thought you might still be at Ben's working on our car.

So we went down there, but it was closed.

Then it took us an hour to get his home number.

You talked to Ben? CHUCK: Yeah.

He says if you don't come in soon,

the camshaft's going back to Germany.

Oh. That's right. "Oh."

Look. Let me explain this--

As of midnight tonight, we're officially excommunicating

Alvin Johnson from the clubhouse.

The clubhouse from fourth

Come on, guys, you can't be serious.

We shall never again speak to, nor respond to any spoken words

from the aforementioned Alvin Johnson.

Chuck, man.

Three, two, one.

Walter.

Fine, then.

Dude, I don't need you losers.

Ain't my fault you guys ain't getting no--

Boobie? All you gave him was a little boob action?

That was all he wanted.

Was it good? I was good.

Uh, hello. What happened to the pact that we wouldn't

date each other's ex

This ain't Burger King.

You can't always have it your way.

Come on, Zoe.

ARETHA: Something is definitely rotten in the hood.

At first, I was gonna plan

a sort of blackmail angle on him.

Then, after a great deal of research,

I realized he has nothing of value.

So here I am. I'm telling you.

He paid that girl to be his friend.

Aretha, now, your brother would never do such a thing.

Pops, Moms, what's the deal?

Hey, yo, no time for the victuals,

I gotta do my thug thizzle.

Gotta have the pimp juice.

I'll holler.

Al, is there something that you want to tell us

about your engine part, son?

That engine part that is so very important to your future.

You know what? That's a long story.

I'll put you up on game later on tonight.

But let's make a long story short.

Did you or did you not squander your future on some tramp girl?

Moms...

Nobody uses the word "tramp" anymore.

You know, it's more like "chickenhead" or "hootchie."

Plus, it's my future.

And that's my ride to school.

School? Liar. Today is Senior Ditch Day.

You know what? Little biscuithead is right.

I'm gonna go to the beach, check out some breezies,

put my feet in the water and kick it with my crew.

And I could have lied to y'all,

not even told y'all, but y'all my folks.

And I ain't got nothing but love for you.

Peace out.

I told you so. I told you so. I told you so.

The money he had for the engine,

that's what he used to pay that girl.

Well, then that's gonna have to end right now.

Go on, get your purse.

BOY: Yo, what's up, Al?

GIRL: Hi, Alvin.

Wait.

Let me do that for you.

Good looking out.

Why are these B's following us?

Us? We ain't on no date right now.

Don't be mad. I can't bring sand to the beach.

Damn, man. These shorties is really sweating you.

Like gym socks.

Man, you doing it, baby. Yo, pimp, pimp, hooray.

I ain't mad at you.

Hey, Kadeem. I need to rap with Al.

Handle that.

So, what's up, shorty?

"Shorty," huh?

Look, I was thinking maybe

we should still hang out sometime.

As friends.

You're a great listener.

Huh?

So I guess your boy Anthony's neck didn't taste

as good as you made it look, now, did it?

Please. He's old and tired.

Yeah. And now since I'm the coolest thing since shoestring,

you trying to get laced, right?

Al.

If I'd known you was for sale, I would've bought you sooner.

Whoa. Now, you need to slow your roll.

How dare you stand in my face popping that noise?

Are you crazy?

Look, I made you "Al."

I will work overtime to break you, Alvin. You got that?

You can't break a real man, baby. Alvin.

I'm waiting for you.

You gonna have to excuse me. I'm all booked up.

Auditioning prom dates. Oh, yeah.

Now, there's a real catch.

She's given more rides than Greyhound.

Yeah, but I bet you it won't cost me $1500 for a ticket.

Huh? Yeah. You don't have nothing to say now, do you?

Whatever.

You don't need her no more, boo.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

Come on, let's dance.

Dance?

[BUSTA RHYME'S SINGING "PASS THE COURVOISIER"]

Do you really care about me?

Of course I do, girl.

Well, prove it.

I always used to watch you. Yeah.

And you...

You inspired me...

to write you a song. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. It goes like this.

Olivia, me and you We will rise

Despite our fears inside

Rumor has it today's Senior Ditch Day.

Dru Hilton.

What's the deal, baby? What brings you out here?

DRU: Came to see Paris, man. Where she at

Yo. Thirty points last game?

I'm balling, baby. What you know

What's up? What's going on, dog, you know what I'm saying?

PARIS: Dru.

It's been a while. I wasn't expecting you in town so soon.

You know, team got in a day early,

so I thought I'd surprise you.

What do you say you and I get out of here, just the two of us?

You give me a chance to apologize.

All right.

Let me get my things.

Damn, brother. It's that easy, huh?

Hey, hey, hey. Look, what goes on the road, stays on the road.

Besides, this girl, she's my first love.

She can't even picture being with anybody else.

Yo, one of you fools been trying to get with Paris?

Which one of you? Which one of you?

Yo, chill, Dru, all right? It wasn't me.

She was Al Johnson's girl. Not mine.

Who? Al Johnson, man.

See, the only Al Johnson I know is Alvin Johnson.

Yeah, he getting shorties now.

Aquaman.

All right.

What's wrong?

Why you looking at me like that?

I hear you got yourself a new man.

Really, it's not-- Whatever. Whatever.

I didn't come back here for you to lie in my face.

We're done.

No. No, look. Wait. Get off me. Get off me!

I swear. Look, I haven't moved on, Dru!

Alvin! Alvin! BOY: Yo, Paris, where you going?

Al, get out there. I need you to go tell Dru about our deal.

Paris, I'm kind of in the middle of something--

Alvin, Dru is about to leave.

Please, just go tell him the truth.

The truth is that we were dating,

I got over you, and that was that.

Al! Dru is-- Paris, stop it.

You're making a fool of yourself.

Oh, so you won't tell Dru the truth

because you're afraid that they'll find out

that you paid me to be your friend?

Well, guess what. They just found out.

He just wanted to be popular.

So he spent 1500 bucks on me

to hang out with him for two weeks.

That's the truth.

Well, technically, the money was spent on the car.

Olivia. What about our song?

We will rise Despite those who burning us

She burning us with the lie-- Shut up.

Didn't have to push me.

That's my song! I wrote those words.

Yeah, what's that old saying?

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

A hallelujah?

I was just trying to quote, you know, an old philosopher.

I think it was Pimping Ken or Aristotle or Chris Rock.

Serves him right. Let's go. Come on, let's go.

Hey, y'all, wait up. Anthony. Ted.

Ted. Anthony.

* How did I let it Get this far? *

* Ooh *

* How did I make This wrong turn? *

* Ooh *

* Comes to the light Comes to the light *

* Everything *

Maybe I should just try and look past all of this.

Girl, you know Dru loves you. He'll take you back.

No, I mean....

You know what I've been thinking, Zoe?

After graduation, I was thinking of moving to San Francisco.

You know, take singing lessons.

I mean, I've been learning how to play guitar, girl.

Oh, get real, girl.

You're never gonna be Alicia Keys or Norah Jones.

You're gonna be the wife of an NBA star.

Life doesn't get any better than that.

Hello

Paris?

* Make it go away *

* Make it fade *

* Make it sail away from me *

* Sail away, sail away *

* Comes to the light Comes to the light *

* Everything *

* Comes to the light Comes to the light *

* Comes to the light Comes to the light *

I need to talk to you, son.

Dad, I got all the condoms I could use.

Probably won't be needing any in the near future.

Well, look. Why don't you get up, son,

because your future is what I'm here to talk to you about.

That's right. I got your camshaft.

Now, you probably gonna have to work like hell

to pay this thing off, but I don't want you to worry

about that till you finish that engine up.

It's probably too late.

And I have to rebuild the engine to the new camshaft

then retest it. It's a lot of work.

Okay, then get off your ass and handle your business.

Look, Alvin. Look, man.

When I was in school,

I was one of the coolest dudes at the school.

I was something else, man. I had the whole game working.

And I guess I kind of just always wanted you

to have that same kind of fun that I did.

But you know why that was?

See, it was because, see, I didn't have your brains.

I didn't have your potential. None of that, man.

But you...

From day one, me and your mama,

we always knew, man, that you was just

gonna achieve some great things for us.

I don't know, I guess maybe I was...

Maybe a little jealous or something. I don't know.

But I'm gonna tell you something, though.

I have always,

always been proud of you, son.

I been damn proud of you, man.

Look who's awake.

You finished it.

Congratulations, it looks good.

Yeah, thanks. Hey, guys, look--

Man, save your breath.

Look, come on, guys. Don't go. I was--

What's the matter with the Galaxie?

It's none of your concern.

The scholarship committee's probably gonna want

to look at this engine next week.

Other than that, y'all needed an engine.

DRU: Set the screen. Set the screen.

There it is. There it is.

Get back, get back. Come on, Ted. Come on, Ted.

ANNOUNCER: Basket by number 32. Hey, that was your man.

You got to call a switch.

See, this is the reason why we're losing.

Because we're infected with losers.

Stay focused on the game, man. Forget them.

Oh, man.

Attention, losers, get out of my good-luck seats now!

No, we're gonna sit where we want.

Oh, you think it's a game, huh?

Get up or get beat down.

Yo, Ted, let's go, man. Let's go to the locker room.

We're running plays.

TED: Move now.

So you wanna beat somebody up, huh, tough guy?

GIRL: He just asked for an ass-whupping.

I've been waiting for this.

Yeah. Yeah. Ted.

TED: I'll beat you like you stole something.

ALVIN: Go ahead.

Start beating.

Can't beat me no worse than I been beating myself

for wanting to be friends with you.

All this time, I was just fronting to be cool.

Because I didn't have the balls enough to be myself.

So instead, I started dissing my real friends.

But, hey, this is who I am.

Alvin Johnson. Pool boy.

I like blended mocha lattes, with a little foam on the top.

GIRL: Yo, that's the kind you drink.

I like Michael Jackson's Bad album.

PEOPLE IN CROWD: I like that. I like Michael. I like Thriller.

This is me.

I ain't afraid to admit it.

So go ahead, Ted.

Do it.

Hit me.

And I'm gonna show you who's bad.

GIRL 1: Ted, what you gonna do? GIRL 2: Yeah, Ted.

Who's bad?

TED: You are a freak!

WALTER: Yeah. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Take your boy. Chill, we got him.

Yeah, you chill. You chill.

All right.

Alvin.

Alvin, stop.

Hey. Hey, baby.

I've been thinking.

I'm gonna give you one more chance to apologize.

I have other dreams.

Other dreams? I'm your meal ticket.

Pool boy, right? You bugging.

Alvin, stop.

Alvin, I know. I know what you're thinking.

You think you know. No. I know.

You're all mad at yourself and feeling like some kind of fool

because you've been fronting about who you are for two weeks?

I've been fronting about who I am, who I wanna be,

for as long as I can even remember.

And on the real, I'm tired--

* I didn't know how to feel *

* I been up so long I've forgotten what was real *

* It's been forever since I've looked me in the face *

* I bet that's why this comfort Feels so out of place *

* My head's been begging me To turn the other way *

* 'Cause my eyes say go And my heart says stay *

* In spite of our fears inside *

* 'Caused by those who burn us Down with their lies *

* Gather with your eyes *

* To a love that Will always be on time *

* A connection so electric Can't hide from... *

* New York put it on the floor New York put it on the floor *

* Cali put it on the floor Cali put it on the floor *

* Miami put it on the floor Miami put it on the floor *

* Atlanta put it on the floor Atlanta put it on the floor *

* You gonna work For this little bit of change *

* Side order of pimpin' Little bit of game *

* What you know gonna hurt Just a little bit of pain *

* When I rip ya skirt From ya little-bitty frame *

* Whole lot of drinkin' Whole lot of cash *

* Dirty ol' Nick with a whole lot of... *

* Fly guy, Antonio Fargus Carrera Porsches *

* We ain't even parking *

* Valet alligator Air forces *

* Waves in my head have them Chicks gettin' nauseous *

* Love dont cost a thing My dough, your world

* So shake it like A na-na-na-nasty girl *

* I think you need to move it to the left, shorty *

* Move it to the left, shorty *

* If you don't got Your own paper *

* I don't suggest you hold Your breath, shorty *

* Keep it right, shorty *

* You better Keep it tight, shorty *

* You better bring money Out your crib *

* 'Cause you ain't gettin none Of mine tonight, shorty *

* I think you need to move it To the left, shorty *

* Move it to the left, shorty *

* If you don't got Your own paper *

* I don't suggest you hold Your breath, shorty *

* Keep it right, shorty *

* You better Keep it tight, shorty *

* You better bring money Out your crib *

* 'Cause you ain't gettin' None of mine tonight, shorty *

* Watch how the women start Sniffing around *

* When we be rippin' it down We got 'em stickin' around *

* The way they love to kid like I'm the king of the town *

* The way my money stacks up Got 'em flippin' around *

* I got em diggin' the sound *

* Listen, cook food, shorty Fatten my tummy *

* Don't touch my money *

* Even though you lookin' good And it was nice to meet ya *

* You'll be lucky if you even Get a slice of pizza from me *

* Before you ever try to touch My money clip I put ya *

* On the corner walkin' up And down the money strip *

* Now looky here Honey there *

* Better find Another dummy quick *

* Homey tryin' to stunt better Jump Inside the money whip *

* Let's see what you can get And keep it over there *

* Better try your luck 'cause You ain't gettin' nothin' *

* I think you need to move it to the left, shorty *

* Move it to the left, shorty *

* If you ain't got Your own paper *

* I don't suggest you hold your breath, shorty *

* Keep it right, shorty *

* You better Keep it tight, shorty *

* You better bring money Out your crib *

* 'Cause you ain't gettin none of mine tonight, shorty *

* B.K. put it on the floor B.K. put it on the floor *

* B.X. put it on the floor B.X. put it on the floor *

* St. Louis put it on the floor St. Louis put it on the floor *

* Philly put it on the floor Philly put it on the floor *

* This is my fault That I got caught up *

* Knowing damn well That you and her just broke up *

* Say it's about me *

* And not the last She's the best, did I ask you *

* About how she was? No, I didn't *

* So tell me what the hell You even got with me for *

* Tell me what the hell You even got with me for *

* No matter how you front It always showed *

* That you ain't let her go *

* Baby, please forgive me *

* It's been a few months now Since I did it *

* I don't want To go on living baby *

* Put it in the past I wanna make this love last *

* Listen, don't keep on Pushing me... *