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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:03,959
Baby Bobby
is the cutest baby ever.
2
00:00:05,583 --> 00:00:07,875
Oh! There's the stuff.
3
00:00:07,959 --> 00:00:09,750
- Make room. I'm coming in.
- All right.
4
00:00:10,417 --> 00:00:14,000
OK. You guys, seriously,
you need to be careful.
5
00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:17,625
My cousin Tess actually
got addicted to baby smell.
6
00:00:17,709 --> 00:00:19,166
It nearly ruined her life.
7
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,458
She caught one whiff
of that sweet baby musk
8
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:23,875
at a birthday party,
and the next thing you know,
9
00:00:23,959 --> 00:00:26,125
she was doing bumps off
of random babies at the park.
10
00:00:27,041 --> 00:00:30,792
Well, thanks for all the help
with our first week as parents.
11
00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:33,250
Think we're ready
to take Little Bobby home
12
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,041
and handle him on our own now.
13
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:37,625
What?
14
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:40,917
Oh, you're just in for a wild ride
'cause the first time two parents
15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,166
are alone with their baby,
things can get a little crazy.
16
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:45,417
The first few days we had Stan on our own,
17
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:49,125
I was so tired and cranky,
I turned into a total bitch.
18
00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:50,333
And I never turned back.
19
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,000
I was so overwhelmed with our first kid,
20
00:00:52,083 --> 00:00:54,000
I didn't have a second
to take care of myself.
21
00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:56,041
Little tip, adult diapers.
22
00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:59,000
You guys are making it sound
like some kind of horror movie.
23
00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:02,500
Take as much sleep as you can find,
don't forget to eat,
24
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,875
and, um, if it gets too crazy, call me.
25
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,125
Thank you, you guys, but I'm pretty sure
we can handle our kid on our own.
26
00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:09,500
We got it.
27
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,583
Wait for it.
28
00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,375
- Little oversight.
- Don't judge us.
29
00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:14,458
Say goodbye to Grandma.
30
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,583
- OK.
- OK.
31
00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:17,250
Wait!
32
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:18,542
Good luck.
33
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:20,417
They're screwed.
34
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,458
I still can't believe I'm a grandma.
35
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:30,875
Oh, don't worry, Jules,
you're still a total GILF.
36
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:31,959
What?
37
00:01:34,667 --> 00:01:35,709
{\an8}Tom!
38
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,500
{\an8}Wait. No, actually, I'll--
I'll take that compliment.
39
00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:40,667
{\an8}Gross.
40
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,166
{\an8}So, how's Andy doing?
41
00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:44,250
{\an8}I mean, I haven't seen him
since Bobby left
42
00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:45,917
{\an8}to take that golf pro job in Georgia.
43
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,291
{\an8}He tried to go to the hospital
with a broken heart.
44
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:49,834
{\an8}He hasn't even slept home
the past few days
45
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:51,917
'cause he's been sulking
on Bobby's boat.
46
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,166
{\an8}It's been great.
47
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:55,291
{\an8}I should probably go check on him.
48
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:58,333
{\an8}Oh, no. I gotta open the bar.
49
00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:02,083
{\an8}I wish it wasn't so hard for me
to find people to cover for me, but...
50
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,959
{\an8}my job is really challenging.
51
00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:09,959
Wait. You're serious?
What's the challenging part?
52
00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,000
{\an8}Is it tilting the bottle up
or tilting it down?
53
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:15,000
{\an8}Bartender's elbow is a real thing,
54
00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:17,291
{\an8}and my job is more
than just pouring drinks.
55
00:02:17,375 --> 00:02:18,458
{\an8}None of you guys could do it.
56
00:02:18,542 --> 00:02:20,583
{\an8}No? All right. Let's find out.
57
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,208
{\an8}Come on. Just for a couple hours.
58
00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:25,500
{\an8}Ellie and I will man the bar
while you go check on Andy.
59
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:28,333
{\an8}Fine. But please... be careful.
60
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,208
{\an8}Relax. We got this.
61
00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:32,959
{\an8}If that idiot can do it, we can do it.
62
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:34,291
I'm still here.
63
00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:35,417
I know!
64
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:39,750
Andy?
65
00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:47,083
{\an8}Good Lord, man.
What happened to you?
66
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,542
{\an8}You look like a contestant
on a Bear Grylls show.
67
00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:50,709
{\an8}Are you wearing Bobby's clothes?
68
00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:54,500
{\an8}They still have his scent--
saltwater and tacos.
69
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,000
{\an8}I'm not entirely sure what to do here.
70
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:59,125
{\an8}I've never been left by a boyfriend.
Come on. Let's get you a beer.
71
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:00,875
{\an8}That was his favorite drink!
72
00:03:00,959 --> 00:03:02,166
{\an8}It still is. He's not dead.
73
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,375
{\an8}Come on. We need to get you out of here.
74
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:08,000
{\an8}Grayson, will--will you pat my head
and call me "Ando" like he used to?
75
00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,291
{\an8}Her de der, Ando.
76
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,333
Her de der.
77
00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,500
OK, got a chardonnay for Cabbage Patch,
78
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,500
lemon drop for Tube Top,
79
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:22,917
I got a cab for Chocolate Mountain,
80
00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,667
piña colada for SPF Nada,
81
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:28,083
and a tall cold one for Lady Fonz.
82
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,500
Eh.
83
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:32,583
More wine?
84
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,583
We'd love to,
but our husbands are waiting.
85
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:36,250
Oh, I'm not hearing a problem.
86
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:40,166
{\an8}- I am having so much fun.
- Me too!
87
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:43,083
{\an8}And I'm the master at nicknames.
Check this out. OK.
88
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,792
{\an8}Suds up, Perv Stache.
89
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,166
My friends said this was cool.
90
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:48,375
Your friends are wrong.
91
00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:51,291
OK.
92
00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:52,709
That was easy.
93
00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:54,250
He fell right asleep.
94
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,000
I mean, like a dream, no problem.
95
00:03:57,083 --> 00:04:00,500
{\an8}Feeding him, he just latched on
to the old milk jugs.
96
00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:01,959
Ugh, babe, could you please not say--
97
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,709
Milk jugs. Sorry.
98
00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:05,208
No. That's what they are.
99
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:06,709
I meant "Latch."
Oh, God, I hate that word.
100
00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:09,375
{\an8}I mean, taking care of a baby is easier
101
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,917
{\an8}than taking care
of my virtual Tamagotchi pet.
102
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,500
{\an8}How did you ever get me pregnant?
103
00:04:13,583 --> 00:04:14,625
{\an8}- Well...
- Well...
104
00:04:15,792 --> 00:04:18,625
{\an8}Ah, the gang thought
we couldn't handle this.
105
00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:21,500
But Baby Bobby is sleeping so peacefully,
106
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:23,250
I can't even hear a sound.
107
00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:26,000
Why can't we hear a sound?
Shouldn't we hear a sound?
108
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,583
Breathing is a sound. Go!
109
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:28,667
Go!
110
00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:30,667
Keep going. Look. I still see room.
111
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:31,792
I don't know why you're slowing down.
112
00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:36,417
You call that food, Quarter Eyes?
113
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,458
See what I'm doing?
I'm being you guys. Get it?
114
00:04:39,542 --> 00:04:41,000
So, how'd it go today?
115
00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:42,458
Much harder than expected.
116
00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,625
One guy wanted a beer and a water.
117
00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:46,041
I had to use both hands to carry it.
118
00:04:46,125 --> 00:04:48,083
It was really touch-and-go for a second.
119
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:50,792
And then things got really nuts
when I had to give a beer
120
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,458
to a guy over here and then another guy
121
00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:56,792
all the way over here.
122
00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:59,875
OK, so, fine.
You handled a dull morning shift.
123
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:01,166
That's easy.
124
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,291
The night's where it really gets cray.
125
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:06,208
Andy, what are you doing?
126
00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:09,291
Fell off my stool! I'm too sad to get up!
127
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:11,250
Aw, it makes me want to cry.
128
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,959
Me too. But for other reasons.
129
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:15,667
Bobby!
130
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,417
All right, someone needs
to take care of that.
131
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,834
Someone other than me.
132
00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:20,750
You know, you could help Andy now.
133
00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:22,208
You could take the whole weekend,
134
00:05:22,291 --> 00:05:23,792
and Ellie and I can watch the bar.
135
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,667
The weekend?
Now you're being cray.
136
00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:28,792
Stop saying "cray"!
137
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:31,500
Now, look, if we handle the bar
and you help Andy,
138
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:32,625
then everybody wins.
139
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,792
OK. Fine.
140
00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:36,000
But as soon as there's any trouble,
141
00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:38,000
you have to call me
to come back and fix it
142
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:41,166
and to do my "ha ha, I was right" dance.
143
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:44,166
Ha ha. I was right. Ha ha. I was right.
144
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:46,542
Ha ha whoo ha ha.
145
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:48,041
Come on, Andy. Let's go.
146
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:56,291
Bobby used to drag me this way.
147
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:57,875
This bar is ours.
148
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:10,375
Oh, we kicked total ass
at the bar last night.
149
00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:11,875
We made people so happy.
150
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:14,041
Right, but that
may have been the alcohol.
151
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:16,291
- Yeah. And we gave it to 'em.
- We did.
152
00:06:19,875 --> 00:06:20,875
What?
153
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:25,792
We just opened the door
and walked in without using keys.
154
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:27,291
Oh.
155
00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:28,875
- Didn't you lock up?
- Didn't you lock up?
156
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:32,166
Wait. I'm sure everything's OK.
157
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,083
I mean, it's a safe town, right?
158
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:35,917
Um, well, that depends.
159
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,667
Was the register wide open
and completely empty when we left?
160
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,291
Then we've been robbed!
161
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:43,166
Dun-dun-duuunnn!
162
00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:46,125
I don't know why I did that. Sorry.
163
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:51,458
OK, I thought it over, and I've come
to the conclusion that we were robbed.
164
00:06:51,542 --> 00:06:53,250
I thought we established that already.
165
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:55,125
All right, I guess we're gonna have
to call the police.
166
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:57,041
But if we call the police,
then Grayson's gonna know
167
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417
that we screwed up.
168
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,291
He's gonna find out anyway.
169
00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:01,792
Ugh, we're never gonna hear the end of it.
170
00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:05,542
But he knows how much cash
we made last night.
171
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,959
Oh, he's gonna be so obnoxious!
172
00:07:07,041 --> 00:07:08,458
I got to go.
173
00:07:08,542 --> 00:07:10,166
OK, wait. Let's think.
174
00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,333
We're out three grand.
175
00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:14,917
- What if we paid it back ourselves?
- That's a great idea.
176
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,875
You know, I've got, uh, eight dollars.
177
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,875
And I have... let's see.
178
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:24,125
- Two dollars. Oh, and a giant pearl!
- That's a Mento.
179
00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:25,333
- Oh.
- No.
180
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:28,583
OK, what are we gonna do?
181
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:33,417
What if we made three grand in cash
all under the table
182
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,291
- and say it's from last night?
- Yeah? How?
183
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:37,166
- Can I get a beer?
- Sure thing.
184
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,125
5 bucks, one warm beer.
185
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,834
- Can I have a cold beer?
- Sure.
186
00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:44,250
8 bucks. Refrigeration fee.
187
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:45,750
I get it.
188
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:48,208
We're gonna nickel-and-dime
these suckers to death!
189
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,500
No, no, not you. Different suckers.
190
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:56,125
Is he supposed to have
that dry skin on his head?
191
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:01,875
- It's... scaly.
- It's lizardy.
192
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,125
That's it. I'm checking Google.
193
00:08:04,208 --> 00:08:06,500
Oh, my gosh. Type in
"scaly baby lizard head."
194
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:07,875
Does he have restricted movement?
195
00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:10,250
He's in a swaddle, but yes! Yes!
196
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,166
Oh, man!
197
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,959
I think he's got hereditary
equine regional dermal asthenia.
198
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:16,125
OK, I'm calling Jules.
199
00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:17,417
No! Wait, wait.
200
00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:20,125
I'm on a veterinary site.
201
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,542
It's a horse disease.
202
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,458
- Ah! What?
- What was that?
203
00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:26,083
- He's throwing up air!
- What?
204
00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:27,792
- Oh, my God! What do we do?
- Let's just rock him back and forth.
205
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:30,709
I don't know, Grayson.
This seems like a bad idea.
206
00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:32,250
You lost a best friend.
207
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,875
The obvious solution
is to find a new one with...
208
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:39,959
the Bobby Cobb replacement challenge!
209
00:08:41,125 --> 00:08:42,375
With them?
210
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:44,417
You got Tom. He's...
211
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,000
And, uh, Jerry's here.
212
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:49,542
Can't believe you're making me try out.
This is demeaning.
213
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:52,041
Well, I'm psyched to be here, Grayson.
214
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,000
Oh, you're going down. Game on.
215
00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,500
And, uh, who's that?
216
00:08:56,583 --> 00:09:00,041
Name's Marty, and I like to party.
217
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:01,542
Whoo!
218
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,333
Uh, found him in the plaza.
219
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,709
It seemed weird to have
a tryout with just two guys.
220
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:09,000
Bobby was always there
with a shot of courage
221
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,583
whenever Andy here
needed some, OK?
222
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,667
So show us your best...
223
00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:15,625
Oh!
224
00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:17,875
Come on! Come on!
225
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,333
Confidence dance!
226
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:28,125
Well, after the bacon-grease
fire burned down my RV,
227
00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:32,500
my six kids and I had to move
into this tiny, little motel room.
228
00:09:32,583 --> 00:09:34,959
Now, two of them are still small
enough to sleep in the dresser,
229
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,625
so, you know, we make it work.
230
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:41,750
Bless you.
231
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:43,250
Bobby could charm anyone.
232
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,750
Tom, make friends with
the next person who comes by.
233
00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:47,959
Oh!
234
00:09:49,834 --> 00:09:51,750
Hey, there!
Uh, my name is, uh, Tom.
235
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,542
Ah! No! Wait!
236
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,458
Hot lava! Ah!
237
00:09:57,875 --> 00:09:59,500
Uh, ma'am, I think I gave you a twenty.
238
00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,458
Are you calling me a liar?
239
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,083
Penny can!
240
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:16,208
Pen-neeeee can!
241
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,792
Marty, uh, toss your pennies.
242
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,125
Oh, I didn't get any pennies.
243
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,792
Sure you did.
I gave you a big, giant handful.
244
00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:29,208
No.
245
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:31,709
No, no, no. I don't think so.
246
00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:35,917
- Here you go.
- All right.
247
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,417
What is that?
248
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,583
I've been selling the stuff
from this little prize box.
249
00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:40,834
The lost and found?
250
00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:43,667
Oh, I was wondering
why I found my bra in here.
251
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:46,041
Bobby was upbeat.
252
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,333
He never let the little things
get him down, OK?
253
00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:49,792
So, everybody in good spirits?
254
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:51,709
- Yep.
- Great. Maintain it.
255
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:53,917
- Oh, yeah!
- Ah!
256
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,375
Oh, yeah!
257
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,792
Yeah, Tom! Yeah!
All smiles! There you go!
258
00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,333
Looking good, Jer!
Hey, Marty!
259
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,959
Does it tickle?
260
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:04,250
You're in first place on this one, man.
261
00:11:04,917 --> 00:11:06,208
Hey. Andy!
262
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,875
Andy. Andy.
What's going on?
263
00:11:10,417 --> 00:11:11,834
No one could replace Bobby.
264
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,417
I guess I'm just gonna have
to get used to one-man hugs
265
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,208
and emptiness at the end
of every spaghetti noodle.
266
00:11:23,542 --> 00:11:24,542
Trav?
267
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:26,834
His eyelids are closed,
which means he's sleeping.
268
00:11:26,917 --> 00:11:28,834
Unless his eyelids have
collapsed. Is that a thing?
269
00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:30,375
I should feed him. No.
270
00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:32,709
I already fed him.
271
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,291
Is that a.m. or p.m.?
272
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:37,959
OK, I remember that he ate
and then he spit-up.
273
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,375
I wonder why he spit up.
Do you think that my milk is spoiled?
274
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:44,834
I mean, I just leave my boobs
sitting out all day long!
275
00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:47,125
Has baby Bobby been suckling
from rancid teats?
276
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,500
- I better call Jules!
- Laurie.
277
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:49,834
- I got to call Jules!
- Laurie, Laurie, Laurie.
278
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,709
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Come here, come here, come here.
279
00:11:51,792 --> 00:11:53,375
It's OK, baby. It's OK. It's OK.
280
00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:56,709
Look, I-I think fear
and, uh, uh, lack of sleep
281
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:59,250
has been making us a little crazy, OK?
282
00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:02,208
Nothing is wrong. We're doing great.
283
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:03,291
- OK.
- OK.
284
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:07,625
Better than great. We're super!
285
00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:12,333
The first rule of losing your mind is,
286
00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:15,583
do not talk about losing your mind.
287
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:23,792
I just sold three memberships
to Grayson's pub club.
288
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:25,208
How come I'm not a member?
289
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,166
Because it's not a real thing.
I just made it up.
290
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:29,333
How are we doing?
291
00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:30,583
We barely have $600.
292
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,458
There's no way we're gonna make $3,000.
293
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,917
Might as well just suck it up
and confess to Grayson.
294
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,583
Oh, but he's just
gonna rub it in our faces.
295
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:38,709
- No.
- What--
296
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:40,709
Well, now we owe him a phone.
297
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,917
All right, listen. I have another idea.
298
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,792
When I was in my 20s
bartending in New York,
299
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,667
I used to pull in thousands a night.
300
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:50,166
We aren't 20, but luckily this place
has mostly middle-aged dudes.
301
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:52,625
OK, I'll do anything. What's the secret?
302
00:12:52,709 --> 00:12:54,625
Ellie!
303
00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:56,333
Sweet mercy!
304
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,208
Keep the change.
305
00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:01,250
Are you ready to sex up this joint?
306
00:13:01,333 --> 00:13:03,834
Tonight, at Gray's pub, no cover!
307
00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:05,959
- No.
- All right, come on.
308
00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:07,458
Are these buttons made of titanium?
309
00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:08,709
Yeah, they're not gonna open.
310
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:11,709
Poor Andy.
311
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,917
I mean, I really wanted to help,
but he's right.
312
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,125
How do you replace Bobby Cobb?
313
00:13:16,208 --> 00:13:18,250
The guy wore a bikini top
for an entire summer
314
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,291
because he thought
the tan lines would be funny.
315
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,917
Made him look like a girl. Classic.
316
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:25,583
So, uh, you and Ellie
are really OK at the bar?
317
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,458
You haven't--haven't had any problems?
318
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:30,750
Oh, please. We're a couple of pros.
319
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:32,333
OK.
320
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:33,792
Why are you wearing a raincoat?
321
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:36,041
Because it might rain. Duh.
322
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,166
It's a beautiful day.
323
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:41,208
Oh, it sure is, baby. It sure is.
324
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,291
I used to make fun of them,
but now I get goth kids.
325
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:52,458
Pain is life. Life is pain.
The cure rules.
326
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,875
Grayson tried out a few guys
to find me a new Bobby.
327
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,083
It was a big waste of time.
328
00:13:59,166 --> 00:14:01,000
Huh. Is that right?
329
00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,250
I guess it was a little funny
330
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:04,834
when Grayson sprayed them
all down with a hose
331
00:14:04,917 --> 00:14:07,166
and when Tom got maced by that jogger.
332
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:11,208
And, oh, Grayson made Jerry eat,
like, a pound of peanut butter.
333
00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:13,375
He was all
"Grayson, I can't move my jaw.
334
00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:14,875
I can't feel my mouth!"
335
00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:16,500
Oh.
336
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:19,250
Those three guys aren't fit
to hold Bobby's flip-flops.
337
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:21,166
That guy would do anything
to make me happy.
338
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,083
I'll never find anyone else like him.
339
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,583
Huh.
340
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:28,333
So, Grayson threw together
this whole tryout
341
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:30,125
and spent the whole weekend
342
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:34,250
doing a bunch of weird, stupid
stuff to try to cheer you up?
343
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:38,333
That is so sad you won't
find another friend like Bobby.
344
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,667
Oh.
345
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,750
Morning! You get any sleep?
346
00:14:46,417 --> 00:14:48,000
I-I don't know.
347
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:49,667
What are you doing?
348
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:52,250
Got to stay alert,
so I put in one of your DVDs.
349
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,667
"Tonin' up with Tony Terry's
slammin' hip-hop moves."
350
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:58,000
Why is there a camera on your head?
351
00:14:58,083 --> 00:14:59,208
Security. I'm recording.
352
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:01,500
Recording what?
353
00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:02,583
Everything.
354
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,792
I got to go check the closets.
355
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,792
You know, for dingoes.
356
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,250
You can watch Baby Bobby on this.
357
00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,041
Oh.
358
00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:19,166
My sweet, little Baby Bobby.
I love you so much.
359
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:22,291
Your mama is always gonna
be here for you, OK?
360
00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:24,375
And that would be super if, you know,
361
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:26,583
you weren't totes insane.
362
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,041
Ha. Burn.
363
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:30,667
You ready?
364
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:33,333
Does my milkshake
bring all the boys to the yard?
365
00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:36,333
I don't know what that means.
I just heard it on the radio.
366
00:15:36,959 --> 00:15:38,458
- Let's do this!
- All right.
367
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,709
You're so funny.
368
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:44,542
Let me get those beers.
369
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:48,458
Ellie, you're a natural slut.
370
00:15:48,542 --> 00:15:50,917
Listen, here are the basics.
371
00:15:50,959 --> 00:15:54,000
Laugh at all their jokes,
be stunned that they're single.
372
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:57,166
When you lean it to drop off a drink,
373
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,041
sideswipe boob graze.
374
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,458
Sideswipe boob graze.
375
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,375
Just like painting with your cans.
376
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:06,667
OK. Sideswipe boob graze.
377
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:09,041
Painting with the cans. All right. Got it.
378
00:16:09,125 --> 00:16:11,125
All right. Come on. You can do it.
379
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,625
Hey, boys. You're funny.
How are you single?
380
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,083
Here's your beer.
381
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,875
Um...
382
00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:30,041
Grayson! I'm so glad you're here.
383
00:16:30,125 --> 00:16:31,125
You OK?
384
00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:35,083
I feel like such a fool
for not seeing it sooner.
385
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,291
But right now, it's as clear as day.
386
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:38,667
Do I have a pimple?
387
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:41,792
Everything you did,
it was all to make me happy.
388
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:45,291
I hated seeing you so down.
I didn't really know how to cheer you up,
389
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,375
but wasn't gonna stop me from trying, huh?
390
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,458
That's just what he would have done!
391
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,250
Don't you get it? It's you!
392
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:56,250
My new Bobby... is you!
393
00:16:57,375 --> 00:16:58,583
OK.
394
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,709
That look is making me
a little--little uncomfortable.
395
00:17:00,792 --> 00:17:02,166
It seems I'm...
396
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,083
subconsciously
moving backwards. Fascinating.
397
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,250
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
398
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:10,333
Look, um--look, I know we
haven't always been the closest,
399
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,291
but over the years,
400
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:14,834
you've become one of my best friends.
401
00:17:15,375 --> 00:17:16,667
And I, uh...
402
00:17:18,458 --> 00:17:19,834
What's that word, you know,
403
00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:21,834
when you're super-tight
with one of your bros
404
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:23,500
but, like, on a deeper level?
405
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:25,625
- "Love."
- No. No. Definitely not that.
406
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:27,250
I thought there was a word.
407
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:30,667
Shh. You don't have to say it.
I already know.
408
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,625
Nothing I can do that can stop
this from happening, right?
409
00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:34,792
- Nope.
- OK.
410
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,000
Check it out.
411
00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:39,500
A guy gave me
a hundred bucks for my shoes.
412
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,375
I don't know why.
They're never gonna fit him.
413
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,000
Still 600 bucks short.
414
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,750
Are you serious? We're closing soon.
415
00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:46,041
There's no way we can make that.
416
00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,291
I know.
417
00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:49,834
I would like a cold beer from a hot lady.
418
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,000
Tom, do you have $600?
419
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,000
As in, do I have it on me
this very second? Yes.
420
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,667
- Can I have it?
- Let's see.
421
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:56,792
For a tip that big, you'd have to, hmm...
422
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,083
Would you be willing to call me
"Big Tom Stud"?
423
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:00,875
- Yes.
- Yes, but sarcastically.
424
00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:03,458
Would you dance on the bar
Coyote Ugly-style?
425
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:04,834
- OK.
- I'm out.
426
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,542
- Would you make out with me?
- Fine.
427
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,500
Would you re-enact
the scene from 9 1/2 Weeks
428
00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:11,709
where you're blindfolded
and I'm feeding you?
429
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:12,834
I am really hungry.
430
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,542
Would you shave his entire body?
431
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:15,959
Oh, why are you asking the questions?
432
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:17,417
I'll allow it.
433
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,291
Would you come to a party in my garage
where you're the only one invited
434
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:22,500
and the theme is naked Olympics?
435
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,417
If I have to.
436
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,291
Why are you being creepier than usual?
437
00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:27,542
Because...
438
00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:30,208
Dum-dum-duuummm!
439
00:18:30,291 --> 00:18:32,166
After I heard what you did to my bar,
440
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,291
I was curious to find out how far you'd go
441
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,542
before admitting to me
that you two screwed up.
442
00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:38,667
I was gonna stop at naked Olympics.
443
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:39,792
Probably.
444
00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:41,166
So, what's it gonna be?
445
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,291
Look into my smug, tiny eyes
446
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:46,417
and admit to me you were wrong and
that you can't handle my job,
447
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,291
or naked garage time at Tom's?
448
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,792
Fine. We were wrong.
449
00:18:53,417 --> 00:18:54,417
Right, Jules?
450
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,291
I don't know. I hate that smug look.
451
00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:58,500
My favorite event is two-person luge.
452
00:18:58,583 --> 00:18:59,625
Dibs on the bottom.
453
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,291
OK, fine. We were wrong.
454
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,500
I told you, give me these
in the parking lot!
455
00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:08,375
- These are not mine.
- Give me those.
456
00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:09,792
Psst.
457
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:11,000
Out.
458
00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:14,250
Stop it.
459
00:19:16,709 --> 00:19:18,959
Now he won't stop not crying.
What if that's a problem?
460
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,208
His gums don't look right.
461
00:19:21,291 --> 00:19:24,333
It's like a watermelon rind
that's been picked clean!
462
00:19:24,417 --> 00:19:25,959
And where are the teeth?
463
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:27,875
Are they just, like, deep down in there?
464
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,417
Trav?
465
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,000
I know he's only a baby, but he's fat.
466
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:32,625
- Trav?
- He should lift baby weights,
467
00:19:32,709 --> 00:19:34,709
get baby ripped, be Baby Arnold.
468
00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:35,834
Trav?
469
00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:37,417
I weigh six pounds,
470
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:40,625
but I'll crush your head
between my rosy glutes.
471
00:19:40,709 --> 00:19:41,875
Trav?
472
00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:45,333
It's morning! It's Monday!
473
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:46,625
We made it!
474
00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:47,750
Oh, my God.
475
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,208
- The weekend's over.
- Oh, my God!
476
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:50,500
He's still alive!
477
00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:51,709
We did it!
478
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:56,625
Knock, knock. Just came
to see how your weekend--
479
00:19:56,709 --> 00:19:58,667
Oh, sweet mother of pearl!
480
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,250
Hey, Mom. We're fine.
481
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,917
Yeah, turns out,
we're really great at this.
482
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:08,542
I know, and it doesn't smell at all
483
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,625
like a wet dog in a pile of rotten shrimp.
484
00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:13,458
- Here. Let me take this.
- OK.
485
00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:14,750
Let you go lie down.
486
00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:16,917
Whoa. Or hose off.
487
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,834
Oh, baby. What did they put on you?
488
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:22,083
Mm.
489
00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:23,333
Oh, dear Lord.
490
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,542
{\an8}Thanks for inviting me.
491
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,625
{\an8}Yeah. This should be fun.
492
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,542
{\an8}Oh. Yeah.
493
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:35,166
{\an8}This almost makes up
for what you did to my bar.
494
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,375
{\an8}- Almost?
- We need one more thing.
495
00:20:37,458 --> 00:20:39,375
{\an8}- You better not mean...
- He does!
496
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:43,959
{\an8}- Come on!
- Yeah!
497
00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:45,375
{\an8}- Work that ass.
- Shake that ass.
498
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:47,709
{\an8}- Come on.
- Look at those hamstrings.
499
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,333
{\an8}That's right.
500
00:20:49,417 --> 00:20:50,458
{\an8}- Yeah!
- Man.
501
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:52,417
{\an8}- Aww, that's...
- Yeah! Yeah!
502
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,250
{\an8}- All right.
- Whoo!
503
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:56,375
{\an8}- Shake that ass.
- OK.
36748
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