Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:03,750
I made it.
2
00:00:03,834 --> 00:00:06,709
I could only get a flight to Denver,
so I, uh...
3
00:00:06,834 --> 00:00:09,125
Rented a car,
drove 14 hours straight.
4
00:00:09,208 --> 00:00:10,667
Peed in a cup, but I'm here!
5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,417
- L.A.!
- Tom came here?
6
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:14,000
Well, let me get a round for everyone.
7
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:15,500
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
8
00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:16,834
Tommy!
9
00:00:22,583 --> 00:00:24,875
Should we go see the real sign?
10
00:00:25,375 --> 00:00:26,500
It's a mile that way.
11
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:29,792
{\an8}But the cop said, in normal L.A. traffic,
it's, like, three hours.
12
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,041
{\an8}Maybe we should
just go see the Labia Tar Pits.
13
00:00:32,291 --> 00:00:33,667
{\an8}What?
14
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:35,667
{\an8}- Nothing.
- Always say it like that.
15
00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,875
{\an8}Hey, can a girl get
a dollar for a lipstick?
16
00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:41,875
{\an8}I don't think a dollar's gonna do it.
17
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,041
{\an8}Here. Here's a 20. Oh...
18
00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:45,709
{\an8}- Thank you, sweetie.
- Okay.
19
00:00:46,709 --> 00:00:48,125
{\an8}I have that dress.
20
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:50,000
{\an8}This place makes me sad.
21
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,291
{\an8}I found her! I found Tippi!
22
00:00:53,583 --> 00:00:56,000
{\an8}Hey. Why do all these stars
have names on them?
23
00:00:56,291 --> 00:00:59,083
{\an8}Oh, my God!
Is this a graveyard?
24
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,375
{\an8}Are there a lot of actors
buried underneath the sidewalk?
25
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:03,917
{\an8}Oh! They're everywhere.
26
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,583
{\an8}Honey, this is the Walk of Fame.
27
00:01:07,542 --> 00:01:10,542
{\an8}Wow! Tippi Hedren.
28
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,000
{\an8}She was my dream girl.
29
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:16,583
{\an8}We were thinking of heading over
to the "Labia Tar Pits."
30
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:17,959
{\an8}And, if you like,
31
00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:20,875
{\an8}we can have Jules
ask someone for directions.
32
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:22,333
{\an8}I'd like to see that.
33
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,917
{\an8}Looks like somebody's having fun.
34
00:01:25,875 --> 00:01:27,500
{\an8}Yeah. Robot man!
35
00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:29,792
{\an8}I wonder if he paints his junk, too.
36
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:32,250
{\an8}No, these guys don't,
but Blue Man Group does.
37
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:34,375
{\an8}- Oh.
- Don't ask. All right, let's go.
38
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:37,083
{\an8}- You're hot.
- She's with me, Tin Man.
39
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:41,625
{\an8}Ah, still haven't kissed and now
I gotta battle a robot for your affection.
40
00:01:41,709 --> 00:01:45,375
{\an8}Which, by the way,
has been a long-time fantasy of mine.
41
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:47,125
{\an8}Wrote a graphic novel about it.
42
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,709
{\an8}I know you're dying to tell me the name,
but please don't.
43
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,834
{\an8}Look, don't sweat the "first kiss" thing.
44
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,959
{\an8}I slipped the front desk a 20
so we could have adjoining rooms.
45
00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,250
What, what.
46
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,291
The Misadventures of Tommy Saturn.
47
00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,333
Oh, shut up.
48
00:02:03,709 --> 00:02:06,125
Alone at last.
49
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:07,709
No, I'm still mad.
50
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:11,000
{\an8}La Brea Tar Pits
is very close to what I was saying.
51
00:02:11,417 --> 00:02:12,458
I'm gonna make it up to you.
52
00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:21,208
Get off my daughter.
53
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:22,792
Oh, good, your dad's here.
54
00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:24,750
- I gave him a key.
- Awesome.
55
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,709
Hollywood didn't turn out to be
quite what I thought.
56
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,125
Grayson actually lived here
when he was trying to be an actor.
57
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,500
Yeah? What was it like being
a handsome young buck in Tinseltown?
58
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:37,417
- Mmm-mmm.
- No. He's not gonna talk about it.
59
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:39,500
But we're pretty sure
he did stuff for money.
60
00:02:40,792 --> 00:02:43,709
This city takes things from you
that you can never get back.
61
00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:48,083
I always had this fantasy
that I'd come to L.A.,
62
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:50,375
I'd be sitting in a bar,
63
00:02:50,458 --> 00:02:56,208
listening to some great band play
a romantic song, drinking champagne.
64
00:02:57,458 --> 00:02:59,458
Then Tippi Hedren walks in.
65
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:05,041
And damn if she doesn't come
right over and say,
66
00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:07,542
"You got an extra glass for me?"
67
00:03:08,458 --> 00:03:10,750
So I say,
68
00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:14,083
"For you? Always."
69
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:19,667
And then we end up
dancing the night away.
70
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,417
Pretty silly, huh?
71
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:27,583
No, Dad. I love it.
72
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,041
Oh, yeah.
73
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:36,333
It's showtime, girls.
74
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:40,834
Hey, Tommy Saturn.
75
00:03:41,166 --> 00:03:42,625
I have exciting news...
76
00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:48,083
Hey. Riggs didn't come,
so I didn't bother to get my own room.
77
00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:52,458
Holy banjo! Check out Boob Mountain.
Are those for my boy?
78
00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:54,625
Well, this could not be any worse.
79
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,041
Give it a sec.
80
00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:58,583
Holy moly! Check out Boob Mountain!
81
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:02,583
- Hey, boo.
- Mmm?
82
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,166
Will you go get me some painkillers
from the concierge?
83
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:06,750
- Why? What's wrong?
- Nothing.
84
00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:09,375
We're on vacation. And I need wine, too.
85
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,959
Ah, no problem, baby.
We're in L.A. My people run this city.
86
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:16,500
I'll just use the Latino connection.
87
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:18,208
That is so not a thing.
88
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,041
It's a thing.
89
00:04:23,208 --> 00:04:25,208
Javier! Qué pasa, brother?
90
00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:29,291
My wife needs a prescription
for something.
91
00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:32,500
- Can you help me out?
- I cannot, sir.
92
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:33,959
Huh?
93
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,375
The Latino connection?
94
00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:38,125
It's not a thing.
95
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,291
Oh, come on!
96
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:47,667
- What?
- Can't help you.
97
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,583
Sweetie, to be fair,
you don't really read Latino.
98
00:04:54,917 --> 00:04:57,709
Come on!
All right, guys, if y'all didn't know me,
99
00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:58,792
and you saw me
walking down the street,
100
00:04:58,875 --> 00:04:59,875
what would you think I was?
101
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,041
- A Super Mario brother.
- Lands' End model.
102
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:03,834
- A bisexual bowler.
- A bald guy.
103
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,291
No! Latino!
104
00:05:05,542 --> 00:05:06,583
- No.
- No.
105
00:05:06,709 --> 00:05:09,083
Well, that's a dumb game.
106
00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:10,333
Anyway, now that we're all here,
107
00:05:10,417 --> 00:05:12,250
I want to talk about what
we're gonna do today.
108
00:05:12,417 --> 00:05:13,583
Well, we're not swimming in the ocean.
109
00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:16,542
Unless you like ice-cold water
that smells like a porta-potty.
110
00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:18,542
Well, water in the Bahamas
was like a bathtub.
111
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,667
I was just there.
112
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:20,750
- Shut up, Tom.
- Pipe it, dude!
113
00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:21,875
I'm tired of you!
114
00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:23,750
Maybe we could all
go get new headshots done
115
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:25,500
and drop 'em off at a talent agency.
116
00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:28,375
As a goof, I mean.
117
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:30,500
My dad was really sad last night,
118
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:33,583
so I was thinking we would go
find Tippi Hedren for him.
119
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:36,500
- Aw, it's so sweet.
- Sounds good. It's a good idea.
120
00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:38,417
No, I'm sorry. I meant right now.
121
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:40,375
- Yes!
- Tippi time!
122
00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:41,500
- Yeah.
- Here we come.
123
00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:46,625
Why did that waiter
give me a weird look?
124
00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:51,125
Perhaps because he's gay,
and you ordered an LGBT sandwich.
125
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,625
Yeah, "Lettuce, guacamole,
bacon, tomato."
126
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,166
I think it's the state sandwich.
127
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,375
They have signs for it
all over West Hollywood.
128
00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,375
Ahem. All right, Grayson and Laurie
checked with all the talent agencies
129
00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:03,667
and no one would tell them how to find
Tippi Hedren or Christina Aguilera.
130
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,333
Laurie has a score to settle with her
131
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:09,166
over a bitch-slapping incident
that happened at Mouseketeer try-outs.
132
00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:10,750
Trav and Laurie,
133
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:13,291
you hang with my dad. Make sure
he doesn't get down in the dumps.
134
00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,500
I'm gonna go find Grayson
and we're gonna look for Tippi.
135
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:19,250
On it, J-bird, and I have a genius idea
on how to find this actress.
136
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,542
Welcome to Hollywood Star Tours.
137
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,166
You're an idiot.
138
00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:31,250
Please. Don't even pretend
you see me as a Latino man.
139
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:35,458
Let's face it, Bobby, you've never once
prejudged me based on my ethnicity.
140
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:37,291
My bad. I'll try harder.
141
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,583
Our tour of the stars' homes
will begin in a second.
142
00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:42,792
But, right now, our bus is blocked
143
00:06:42,917 --> 00:06:46,208
by that nice meth head hassling
German tourists for money.
144
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,583
Leave 'em alone, Carol. Nein!
145
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,000
This whole bus is a freak show.
146
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:53,792
- Look at this.
- Here.
147
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:58,875
- Are you the lady from...
- No, that's my sister. Bababooey.
148
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:04,709
How come I don't feel
like more of a third wheel?
149
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:09,250
I heard you two kids
are trying to give it a go.
150
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:12,750
It's just really hard to go from being
regular friends to being...
151
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,667
Friends.
152
00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:17,917
Look, if it's meant to be,
fate'll step in and make it happen.
153
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:21,542
A psychic once told my foster dad
that she'd tell him his fate
154
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:25,667
if he gave her his credit card info.
We had to move into our station wagon.
155
00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:28,959
Yeah. I don't think
I really believe in fate either.
156
00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:33,417
Trust me, fate is real.
157
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:38,417
I met your grandmother
50 years ago on a train.
158
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,834
We talked for hours till I fell asleep.
159
00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:50,917
When I woke up, she was gone.
I didn't even know her name.
160
00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:57,000
One year later,
I'm in a diner in the middle of nowhere,
161
00:07:58,333 --> 00:08:01,166
when she came in to get out of the rain.
162
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,291
I'll never forget
the way she looked at me.
163
00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:09,125
That was it.
164
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:13,583
That was fate.
165
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:17,875
Good God, I can land a moment.
166
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,875
My great aunt said that Tippi's doing
a Channing Tatum movie on stage six.
167
00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:26,041
Oh, was your great aunt
in the business or something?
168
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:27,333
Uh, no, she's a stalker.
169
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,750
- Ooh, cool.
- Yeah.
170
00:08:28,834 --> 00:08:31,458
We had Wesley Snipes over
for Thanksgiving once.
171
00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:33,041
I don't think he wanted to be there.
172
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:36,417
I can't believe I'm finally
on a movie lot.
173
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,750
You know, I was an amazing actor.
174
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:41,875
Really had something,
but no one would give me a chance.
175
00:08:42,542 --> 00:08:44,458
Okay, this is who we're looking for.
176
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,667
Probably won't have the bird.
All right, let's do this!
177
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:50,458
May I help you?
178
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,375
I'm here for my thing.
179
00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:54,417
Are you the breast double
for the servant girl?
180
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,375
- Sure, why not?
- Okay.
181
00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:00,208
Uh, sorry, guys.
182
00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:01,333
Uh...
183
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,041
Well, Tippi wasn't there,
184
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:08,959
but my naked breasts
just did a scene with Sir Ben Kingsley.
185
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,917
When is it gonna be my time?
186
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,291
This town's a bitch, bro.
187
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:15,458
And if you look to your left,
188
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:19,625
you'll see the house where
O.J. Simpson may have killed his wife.
189
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,291
- Oh, come on. He did it, he did it.
- Yeah. 100%.
190
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:25,792
The man was tried by a jury of his peers.
191
00:09:26,041 --> 00:09:27,959
Good point. Good point.
192
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:32,834
And for all you Hitchcock fans,
here we are at Tippi Hedren's house.
193
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,208
- Suck it, Ellie!
- Stop it.
194
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:41,041
Hedren lived here from 1971
until the fall of 1971.
195
00:09:41,542 --> 00:09:42,792
Un-suck it, Ellie!
196
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,375
What the hell?
We need to know where she lives now!
197
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,000
Somebody get this
little Greek guy out of my face.
198
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:51,750
- I'm not a Greek.
- No, no, no, no, come on!
199
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,500
I'm not a Greek! I'm a Latino.
200
00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:55,250
You don't really think he's innocent,
do you?
201
00:09:58,667 --> 00:09:59,875
- Ooh!
- Ooh.
202
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,083
- Is it weird to thank you for liking me?
- Yes.
203
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:06,792
Well...
204
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,333
- Coming through!
- Whoa!
205
00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:20,500
Ridiculous! Every time we try to kiss,
something happens.
206
00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,709
I know. It should be easier, right?
207
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,917
Do you ever think that...
208
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,792
Maybe if fate
can bring two people together...
209
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:32,333
Fate could also tell two people
they're better as friends?
210
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:35,625
I mean, it's crossed my mind,
yeah, but...
211
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,667
Do you think that's us?
212
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:40,083
No. I don't.
213
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:45,583
- Oh, my God!
- Whoa!
214
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,125
Water!
215
00:10:49,709 --> 00:10:51,083
Stop, drop, and roll!
216
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,083
Stop it!
217
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:57,291
It sucks that we didn't find Tippi.
218
00:10:57,875 --> 00:10:59,166
I know what might cheer you up.
219
00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:02,583
Is it you, naked,
flopping around on top of me?
220
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:04,542
No. We can do sideways.
221
00:11:05,792 --> 00:11:07,166
Oh, good. She has a key, too.
222
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,500
Everybody has keys.
That's your life now.
223
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:13,208
Sweetie...
We tried, okay?
224
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,959
We can do something else
with your dad.
225
00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:18,875
We could go explore
L.A.'s fascinating culture.
226
00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:23,542
Do you think
I want to spend my vacation
227
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,917
in this smog hole,
looking for some actress?
228
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:30,250
If it was up to me, we'd be on the beach
with a fire and drinking wine.
229
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,625
Oh, my God, I could use some wine.
230
00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:34,583
Are you all right, sweetie?
231
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,333
No. This is all so hard.
232
00:11:38,458 --> 00:11:41,166
But I have to pretend that I'm fine
because that's what Dad wants.
233
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,792
You know,
this morning he made some joke
234
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:45,834
about how he's already forgetting things.
235
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,875
I think it was just an excuse
to go downstairs
236
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,875
and get coffee without his pants on.
237
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,083
You know, I laughed.
238
00:11:52,542 --> 00:11:54,750
- It's funny.
- I don't want to laugh.
239
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,291
I want to hug him.
240
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,125
And I want to cry.
241
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:01,709
And I want to tell him I love him,
242
00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:04,625
and I want to make
Tippi Hedren dance with him!
243
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,667
I just want to give him a memory
that is so great
244
00:12:08,750 --> 00:12:10,667
that he will never forget it.
245
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:18,458
You know what the problem is
with drinking when you're really sad?
246
00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:21,709
- No.
- Me neither. Let's order another bottle.
247
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,417
All right,
you need to slap your ass out of it,
248
00:12:24,542 --> 00:12:26,291
because we can find Tippi Hedren.
249
00:12:26,458 --> 00:12:29,583
We're all in!
The cul-de-sac crew does not give up.
250
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,625
Except for that time we tried
to get through a DVD of The Wire.
251
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,291
I mean, who the hell
puts 80 characters on a show?
252
00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:39,166
I don't want to have to take notes
when I'm watching TV, damn it.
253
00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,250
He gets really angry about The Wire.
254
00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:43,875
Morally ambiguous, my butt!
255
00:12:43,959 --> 00:12:46,291
Okay, enough, all right? Here's the plan.
256
00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:50,291
All right, Chick wants a romantic song.
Trav and Tom, go find a band...
257
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:52,041
Why wouldn't Laurie go with Trav?
258
00:12:52,291 --> 00:12:53,709
They broke up. Something about fate.
259
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:55,333
We can fix that.
260
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:58,250
Right now we are not talking
about Trav and Laurie.
261
00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:00,500
Who the hell cares about Baltimore?
262
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:02,125
Yeah, or The Wire, okay?
263
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,917
Right now we are just focusing
on Chick and Tippi.
264
00:13:05,125 --> 00:13:07,000
I think I ordered that
at an Indian restaurant.
265
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,792
"Chick-and-Tippi."
266
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:12,208
Okay, well, how are we supposed
to find Tippi Hedren?
267
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,500
There is one man
268
00:13:13,583 --> 00:13:16,166
who said he could find
anything in the City of Angels...
269
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,000
Sir, may I help you?
270
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,208
Nope.
271
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:26,709
I couldn't do it.
He's not gonna help me anyway.
272
00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:28,291
I don't blame him.
273
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,250
I'm first-generation Cuban,
and I don't speak Spanish.
274
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,625
How is that possible?
I can't even roll my R's. Listen.
275
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,959
I haven't even told Stan anything
about where I'm from.
276
00:13:43,458 --> 00:13:44,542
Stan the bartender?
277
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,125
We have a son named Stan.
278
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:47,458
Oh, sure, sure.
279
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:51,125
Look, when you get home,
if you want to embrace your heritage,
280
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:52,542
I totally get it.
281
00:13:52,959 --> 00:13:56,917
I mean, it's really why I have to go home
for the summer to the Hamptons,
282
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:02,125
so I can embrace my wealthy,
white upbringing. It grounds me.
283
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:06,166
Right now I need you to remember
that little Cuban boy
284
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,750
whose mom sent him to school
285
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:10,917
with a whole fried fish
and a cigar for dessert.
286
00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:15,375
Now, go make that damn concierge
cough up the info.
287
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,500
- I believe in you, boo.
- Okay.
288
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,917
Javier! I need to find Tippi Hedren,
and you're gonna help me.
289
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,250
You want to know why?
290
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,959
Because when Andy Torres
has to come through for a friend,
291
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,291
nothing stops him.
292
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:35,083
Especially not
a smarmy little errand boy like you.
293
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,375
You have the fire. I will help.
294
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:42,208
I will use the Latino connection.
295
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:43,917
I knew that was a thing.
296
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,875
It is a thing. It's a thing.
297
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:57,792
I know Tippi.
298
00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:02,125
And you're 10 minutes late
to cut my grass.
299
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,792
Tenemos Tippi.
300
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:07,583
It means, "We have her!"
301
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,375
She's got a guard?
302
00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:13,458
How are we gonna get past him?
303
00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:17,500
- I know. I can solve this with my acting.
- Oh, good God!
304
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,667
Tip of the tongue, top of the teeth.
305
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:19,834
Tip of the tongue, top of the teeth.
306
00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:22,333
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather. Okay, look.
307
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:25,625
I can be, like, um,
an Italian guy from Brooklyn,
308
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,959
and I'm here to check the gas metre.
309
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:29,542
Oh!
How you doin'?
310
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:30,750
Come on! What am I, a jerk?
311
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,917
I'm here to check the gas metre.
I'm Joe Braesole. Like, come on!
312
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,083
Oh!
313
00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:36,917
You're horrible.
314
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,875
You talkin' to me?
315
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:40,792
Pizza brain.
Oh! Come on.
316
00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:41,917
And who are you to judge?
317
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:45,333
Listen. When the guy chases me,
you guys go to the door.
318
00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:55,792
Hey! I'm stealing.
319
00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:58,917
Tabby Hedren. That's adorable!
320
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,417
Hey, you! Stop!
321
00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:02,709
Come on, bada-bing.
322
00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:05,458
Hey, broads.
Oh! Come on.
323
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:11,500
Oh, crap. Where am I? Jules!
324
00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:14,417
Hey. Need a ride?
325
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:18,291
Oh, man!
326
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,417
Dad? You know I love you, right?
327
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,291
Well, of course I do, Junebug.
328
00:16:25,709 --> 00:16:28,875
I wanted this to be
the best trip of your life.
329
00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:31,917
I'm sorry if it didn't turn out that way.
330
00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,917
Oh, don't be crazy.
331
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,875
You know I'm happy
to be anywhere with you.
332
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,083
Let's drink to that.
333
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,709
No. This isn't for me.
334
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,667
Is there an extra glass for me?
335
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:54,709
If you aren't going to talk,
this isn't going to work.
336
00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:58,500
Now, I know there's
a smooth guy in there.
337
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,375
Let him out.
338
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:07,125
For you, darlin'? Always.
339
00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:13,291
Where's Travis and that damn band?
340
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:16,417
I mean, maybe Laurie and I
are better as just friends.
341
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,583
I don't know, okay,
but still, fate or no fate,
342
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:24,291
I can't stop feeling like we...
We belong together. You know?
343
00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:25,875
Hey, don't freak out,
344
00:17:25,959 --> 00:17:29,583
but I'm pretty sure that's Bud
from Married with Children.
345
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,709
My fault for sharing.
346
00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:32,875
Look, we still need
to find a band for Grandpa, so...
347
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,291
What about this guy?
348
00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:38,959
Uh, we're looking
for something a little romantic.
349
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,208
All right, man, I can do romantic.
350
00:17:41,417 --> 00:17:42,750
With or without the kazoo?
351
00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:44,291
Smart ass.
352
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:49,458
Whoa.
353
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,083
Uh, thanks for the ride, but no.
354
00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:05,208
I actually don't think silver
would look very good on me.
355
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:11,834
Ugh. And besides, dude,
I am, like, totally crazy about this guy.
356
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:13,750
Who?
357
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:18,792
Him.
358
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,625
- How did you get here?
- What are you doing here?
359
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,709
I thought you were
with my mom and Grayson.
360
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,834
I was, but then I got lost in the Hills...
361
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,083
Actually, it's kind of pretty
out here at night.
362
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,166
It's beautiful.
363
00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:51,667
Travis...
364
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,750
It was Bud! It was definitely Bud!
I talked to him!
365
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:00,709
Sorry.
366
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:45,542
We did it.
367
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,333
Hey, I have something for you. Come on.
368
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,542
He'll be fine.
It's time for your vacation.
369
00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:02,500
To commemorate
the best worst trip ever,
370
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,750
we present to you, the flower vase,
371
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:06,959
permanently borrowed
from the hotel lobby.
372
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:08,709
Ooh!
373
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,333
We named her Big Tippi.
374
00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:14,417
Yay!
375
00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:17,333
Mmm.
376
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:20,959
L.A. might suck,
but you guys are the best.
377
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,542
Aww.
378
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,000
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
379
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:34,250
Action.
380
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,375
Hello, all Hollywood talent agencies.
381
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,375
My name is Grayson Ellis
and I am currently unrepresented,
382
00:20:39,458 --> 00:20:41,250
with extensive theatrical training.
383
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:44,542
Special skills include horseback riding,
384
00:20:44,834 --> 00:20:49,583
tap dancing, rollerblading, hacky sack,
jewellery-makin and breaking hearts.
385
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,709
Just kidding. I also play music.
386
00:20:56,792 --> 00:20:57,875
Oh!
387
00:20:57,959 --> 00:20:59,083
Where'd the guitar go?
388
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,166
{\an8}Just a bit of my comedy chops.
389
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:05,333
{\an8}Oh, you say you want drama?
Get the tissues.
390
00:21:05,792 --> 00:21:08,792
{\an8}Where did the guitar go?
391
00:21:09,417 --> 00:21:12,709
{\an8}Why? Why, God? My...
392
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:17,041
{\an8}Act much?
Yeah, I do.
393
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,542
{\an8}And I'm just gettin' started.
394
00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:22,667
{\an8}Call me.
395
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:26,083
{\an8}- What the hell are you doing?
- Nothing. It's just a joke.
30253
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof