All language subtitles for Cougar.Town.S04E12.This.Old.Town.720p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_Subtítulos01.ENG

You guys are gonna watch TV
and let me do the dishes,

even after I made dinner?

Picked up dinner.

Fine, ordered dinner
and then Grayson picked it up.

I ordered dinner.

No one cares.
Now, help me do the dishes.

We can't. Rudy'son.

If the end comes on
when Rudy finally gets in the game,

you just gotta stop and watch. It's epic.

Well, what if I made
doing the dishes epic?

Travis! Travis! Travis! Travis!

- You're in.
- Travis! Travis! Travis!

What do I do?

Stay in.

He's so little!

Travis!

Yeah!

Great job.
Now, let's go clean that garage.

You should buy this house.

It is a perfect home
for newlyweds to start a life.

Was the previous owner happy here?

It was actually my husband,
and he was happy for many years.

Although he spent most of them
as a man-whore.

What?

She says her husband's a man-whore.

He can barely hear. I married him
because he's good in the sack.

You heard that, didn't you, Norman?

We really want to belong
to a neighbourhood.

We don't want to be the old folks
that nobody talks to.

Anne, I live right there. I promise you
we will welcome you with open arms.

Then we'll buy it.

- What's going on?
- They bought the house!

- Is this your husband?
- God, no!

I mean, I wish.

I'll take it.

I gotta go. I told the kids at surf camp
to tread water until I got back.

You've been here an hour.

I'll smell you later, Goose. Nice.

The Top Gunhigh-five is our thing.
Plus, Goose and Maverick can't kiss.

Well, if they did, it'd be a more
honest movie now, wouldn't it?

Look, I'm having a blast with Riggs.
You know, we surf, we fish.

I bet she doesn't like to hang out at the
beach and throw jellyfish at each other.

Do you know the lifeguard told us
not to do that any more?

That's what makes it so fun.

Look at you, all jealous.

You know, that's the problem
with naming my boat Jealous Much?

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ando, I'd hang out with you this week,
but I know you're afraid of snakes.

Lately you're doing this thing

where you make a giant leap
and skip over info

I need to understand
what you're talking about.

Right. Sorry.

You remember
when the city had that rat problem

and they brought in all these snakes
to eat the rats?

I still don't think they should've dropped
them in from a helicopter.

But that snake rain looked cool as hell.

Now there's too many snakes,
and they can't find anything to eat them.

The city's paying two dollars
for every snake you catch.

Well, have fun with Riggs.

Hey! Come on, man.

This could end up being great
for you, too.

Someday we're gonna be chillin'
on our own private island,

wondering if we should take
the yacht out or not.

And then some little native boy
is gonna come over and say,

"Mr Bobby, how did you make
your fortune?"

And I'm gonna say,
"Snakes. Snakes did this."

So, guys, this morning I found some
red lint in my bellybutton.

Now, I have not worn
a red shirt in, like, forever.

You can only ting your glass when you
have something important to announce.

Like, I'd like to congratulate my wife
on selling my house.

Thanks, babe,

but I'm still gonna ting when
I want people to pay attention to me.

Change approved!

By the way,
I promised our new neighbours

we would hang out with them.

I'm not doing that.

Don't look at me.
I don't want to meet new people.

I currently only like one person
that I hang out with.

That's me, right?

- Yeah.
- Cool.

So, what do you want me to do,

just hang out with really old people
by myself?

It's not that bad. I do it all the time.

Which reminds me, we're having a
Penny Can contest at our house Friday.

500 dollar prize.

I want that cash,
and I need a good partner, so...

If I'm your ringer, do we split the cash?

No, I'm using the winnings to buy
a screen-used, prosthetic third boob

- from Total Recall.
- What up!

If only I were 21 again
so I could not date you.

If I was your partner, could I stay late

and become friends
with all of your friends?

A resounding no.

My fifth stepdad
was actually a drug mule.

We went on so many vacations
to jungles in teeny-tiny aeroplanes.

How are you not dead?

Five bucks she's been pronounced
dead more than once.

Three times. I drowned body surfing,
one time I bled out, boring story,

and once, at a rave, I got poisoned

when a glow stick exploded
in my mouth.

But they always bring me back.
You can't kill Laurie.

I need a partner
for a Penny Can tournament.

I'm gonna say no.
You wanna know why?

- What about you, Laurie?
- 'Cause you're mean to me.

I'm gonna pass, but have fun.

Okay, no biggie.

What are you doing? Everyone knows
you have a thing for him.

You should go for it.

Usually, when I like a guy,
I just jump him.

With Travis,
there's just too much at stake.

I have to know that we're compatible
as a couple before we're a couple.

That's impossible.
So just go to the party.

Doesn't mean
you have to sleep with him.

Go to a party
and not sleep with someone?

Come on!

I guess, afterwards, I'll just go
to the post office and not mail anything.

You dummy.

My mistake.

All right! I went and bought some
high-end snake catching equipment.

These are snake sticks.

And these are
snake-containing units.

How are you for blasting off tomorrow
morning around 5:00?

- 5:00 am?
- Come on! I'll make you breakfast.

You are crashing here, right?

About that, I just never know if
I'm supposed to crash here or not.

Are we just hooking up or
are we, like, boyfriend-girlfriend?

Look, I'm having such a great time
with you.

If it's okay,
can we keep things the way they are?

No problem.

Boo!

So I thought about it,

and even though I am scared of snakes,
I am in.

What's the worst that could happen?

Well, you could fall on a bunch of 'em,

and one could get spooked
and crawl up your butt,

and build a tight little nest up there
and start to have babies.

But that's the worst thing
that could happen.

Why do I have to sit back here?

Ellie called permanent shotgun
eight years ago.

Yeah, suck it, dime eyes.
What difference does it make anyway?

Well, Tom's lying in my lap.

I don't know where we're going.
I want it to be a surprise.

Where are you taking us anyway?

Just trust me.
I promise you'll all love it.

We're all hanging out
with the McCormacks.

- Well, you promised we'd love it.
- Hi!

- I didn't say that.
- You did.

Come on, it's gonna be fine!
They're not that old.

Well, it's only 4:15.
What are we even gonna do?

We're eating dinner.

Oh, no, thanks.

I have to be a doctor
pretty early in the morning.

Are you operating on someone young,
or an oldie who's just taking up space?

Guess one more glass wouldn't hurt.

Did we enjoy eating dinner
in the afternoon?

You can't ting your glass
just to ask a question.

Really? I feel like I just did.

I liked eating early. I'm just not sure
what I'm supposed to do now.

I know. I've eaten, I've had my wine.

Grayson even tricked me
into having morning sex,

so that's off the list.

I did the old ask-to-shower-with-her
so-we-can-just-talk trick.

Classic Grayson.

It's 6:45. I bet Anne and Norman
are going to bed.

- So old.
- Be older.

- Should we do that?
- I could sleep.

I'm really sleepy.

Maybe a catnap.

Hello?

What's going on?

Get out of here! It's bedtime.

It's still light out.

What's all the ruckus?

Nothing, babe. Go back to sleep.
We'll see you in the morning.

Okay, when we see one,
two of us are gonna shoo him,

and the other person's gonna grab
him and put him in the bag.

I can't touch a snake!
They freak me out.

How do they move so fast without feet?

Their feet are actually in their stomach.

I don't think that's true,
but I can't pick one up either.

Well, I can't be the grabber.

The only thing that scares me more
than snakes are werewolves.

And fortunately they're just in Europe.

In my dreams,
they talk to me with a snake lisp.

Riggs, I see you when you
sleep. I'm crawling on your face.

Snake!

We only caught three damn snakes.

What say we tie this up for fun?

I need cash,
so I'm changing the name of my boat.

You're info-leaping again.

Sorry. None of my get-rich-quick
schemes have been working lately.

- It's been a shock to all of us.
- I know.

Anyway, I believe changing things up
can change your luck.

And I hate the name of my boat so...

What's wrong with the Jealous Much?

People see a guy living on a boat
in a parking lot

and, believe it or not,
they're not that jealous.

- Come on!
- Really?

Plus I have all these hipster d-bags
thinking I'm being ironic.

I'm never ironic.

Well, what about
your "I hate Tuesdays" shirt?

I do hate Tuesdays.

It's the start of a work week.
Plus, my brother died on a Tuesday.

- I didn't know you had a brother.
- Yeah. He died in the womb.

We were twins. I was staring at him
right in the face. It's my first memory.

But you can't rename your boat.
It's bad luck.

It's worse than having sex
with white guys after Labour Day.

No, it's bad luck if a captain changes
the name of his boat.

- That's why I want you two to do it.
- I'm gonna pass.

First you won't play Penny Can with me,
now you won't rename a boat?

Come on! It'll be fun.

Okay, sure.

This is probably the best Tuesday
I've ever had.

I wish you could see it, Donnie Cobb.

So, how'd that surgery go?

Well, he's alive...

I'm not clear why you had to thank us.

Last night we all went to bed
before seven, and we feel amazing.

So I started thinking, why fight ageing?

Why not embrace being old,
like you two?

I feel like we're not that old.

We're just all jealous.
I mean, look at you,

wearing your reading glasses
around your neck, all proud.

I haven't been able to read a menu
in six years.

I just always order steak.
That could not be good for me, Anne.

You know what I love?
Old guys don't have to listen to anyone.

Whenever there's a pause,
Norm just throws us a wink,

like he's listening. Right, big guy?

You see? Was he listening?
Was he not? Who cares? It's gold!

And there's always
such a draught in here.

How great would it be
to wear a cardigan?

Yeah. Holy crap, that's soft!

Guys, it's almost four.

Let's all go have dinner.
What do you say?

I'm looking for a yes or a no, Norm.

We're still tuckered out
from last night. Right, hon?

- Thanks, though. Bye.
- Bye.

There's just so much stuff you can get
away with when you're older.

Like bad driving,
and being a little bit racist...

Watching NCIS.I want it all.

We could call it The Paradise.

You know, make it a pun,
paint two dice on the back.

I hate myself.

Why is it so hard
to think of boat names?

Let's try a word association, okay?
I say boat, you say...

Havasu, spring break, '03,

I funnelled a pitcher of peach daiquiris

and then boned
the backup fiddle player

for the Dave Matthews Band.

Okay, well, unfortunately
we can't call it The SSTD.

I got it! We'll call it The Sea Story.
Boom!

- Maybe.
- The ocean is right there.

Everything that happens on this boat
is a sea story.

You and me sitting here, talking,
we're in a sea story right now.

Right. But just because
you say we've got the name

doesn't mean we've got the name.

Okay, is this what our dynamic
is going to be like?

I get excited about something
and then you just crap all over it?

Let's not get crazy.

No. I just don't know if I can exist

in a world where
everything is a struggle, Travis.

I'm not sure what's going on,

so I'm gonna go find a partner
for the Penny Can tournament.

No, no, no.
Yeah, you go walk away.

Go have fun with your whores!

- What are you talking about?
- I don't know!

Where's Trav been lately?

He's over in The Sea Story.

He and Laurie are renaming my boat,
and I think that's the name as of now.

I like it!

You know, you and I spend more time
in The Sea Storythan anyone.

Nothing of great consequence
ever happens there,

but, damn it, we always have fun.

I can't believe that we only made
six bucks on our first snake haul.

I've been thinking.

If I want to make any cash,
I really think it's only a two-person gig.

Pick me. I'll let you keep the money
and I'll grab the snakes.

I will not grab the snakes,
but afterwards I will grab yours.

She's talking about my ding-dong.

Oh.

Unfortunately, I will never,
ever hold a snake,

so I'm just gonna have to go with Ando.

Yeah! That's right, he's my man.

- I'm just kidding.
- Mhm.

But seriously, he is.

We made that
early bird special our bitch.

I know. I got so many compliments
on my sweater. Do you like it, Ellie?

Did she just old-man wink me?

She did.

Hey, before we went to dinner,

did it feel like
Anne and Norman blew us off?

Nah, they're just tired.
I'm sure they're already in bed.

Well, you were right.

Is this not our house?

Nice try.

Gave it a shot.

Okay, I'll let you choose.

Should I be angrier that you had sex
in my bed, or that you blew me off?

I don't blow people off.

Sex freak it is.

Can you really be mad at me?

No. You want a glass of wine?

It sounds lovely, but the bottle's empty.

Norman and I killed it
before we got our nasty on.

Of course you did.

We used to live
in a retirement community,

and they made us feel so old
we just sat around doing nothing.

We even bought a rascal scooter
so we could shop at the mall.

Sit-down shopping sounds amazing.

We came here
to be around young people,

and you seem to have already given up.

I mean, you barely leave the cul-de-sac.

Hey! Last week my stupid husband
made me play dodgeball

and I got hit in the face.

Yeah, that's what stuck, Anne.

You leave the house,
you get hit in the face.

And I don't see how having a few early
dinners means I've given up.

But that's how it starts.

The second you're okay with feeling
old, you never feel young again.

"Rage, rage,
against the dying of the light."

That's beautiful. Did you make that up?

- You don't read much, do you?
- I try not to.

It means you never stop fighting
against getting old.

Norman won't get out
of our Jacuzzi tub.

I'll go get him.

Anne, do not get in there with him.

Fine.

Bobby, get the bag! Bobby, get the bag!
Bobby, get the bag! Okay.

Put it there. Okay. Okay.

Hey, man, it's pretty badass
that you stopped crying.

I think I may just be out of tears.

Hey, why did you pick me
instead of Riggs?

I know people say that
redheads are shady and shiftless.

- They do?
- I do.

Still, I know you like her.

Yeah, well, I like her a lot.

I just get worried that if we get serious,
I'll just screw it up like I always do.

So you're not going for it
because you're afraid?

Lame! Buddy,
I'm out here touching snakes for you.

You can get over any fear
if you really care about somebody.

Even a ginger.

Shouldn't you be getting ready
to play Penny Can

with a bunch of oiled-up chicks
in bikinis?

It's exactly what my parties are like,
except no bikinis and all dudes.

Here.

I thought we could use this till we
actually paint it on the boat, so...

- Really?
- Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry I got carried away.
I can go from zero to crazy pretty fast.

You know, you don't have
to get crazy with me.

I mean, we're so tight, there's nothing
we can't work out together.

Okay.

Anyway, I've gotta go get tampons
for Sig.

He's so stressed about Penny Can
he got a violent nosebleed. So, bye.

Bye, Travis.

Hey, guys.
Do you want to go do something?

Not ever.

Nah, let's just stay here, okay?
Ellie, will you pass me the wine?

Did you just old-guy wink me?

Are you still talking?

Look, I want to stay in, too,

but Anne said that we need
to rage, rage against the machine,

and no matter what,
stay away from the light.

What?

See? That's why I don't read,
because I can't retain anything.

My goodness, it's almost 4:30.
Where did the day go?

Okay, do you guys want to go
get some dinner?

- Shotgun.
- Permanent!

If they don't have that soup,
I'm gonna be pissed.

Quiet down, backseat.

Don't "Quiet down, backseat" me.
You can't just call for eight years.

You just can't call the front seat.
No. There's no shotgun...

Why do you even have that in the car?

It's my "Be quiet" glass.
I'm taking it everywhere.

You just passed the restaurant.

Oh, no. Are we being kidnapped again?

I hope so!

Nerd.

I can tell you're bummed
because you bought that sad box

with the hunk of cheese,
a sliced apple, and a hard-boiled egg.

That's just an apple and cheese box.
I found the egg.

Score.

Hey, listen, I want to apologise
for not picking you to go snaking.

It's no big deal
if you want to just keep things casual.

Oh, damn it! Thought it was hard-boiled.

That's the risk you take
with street eggs.

Look, I don't want us to be casual.
I was just scared.

Wait, why are your pockets moving?

Normally I'd have a funny answer
in the boner arena,

but I'll hold off since
I'm making a romantic gesture.

Lisa Riggs...

I will hold snakes for you.

Coming through. Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming. Yeah! What?

Your nose is still bleeding?

No, I wear this to get chicks.

All right. Move it, Sig. I'm his partner.

Thank God. I'm light-headed.

You ready to kick some ass, or what?

Are you kidding? This is gonna be epic.

Go back.

Not in the face!

- Your head's okay?
- Oh!

On your left! Comin' through!

I love this!

I'm never walking again.

Does this count
as drinking and driving?

Good question. Let's get off the street.

Excuse me.

Woo hoo!

I love it.