Original subtitles

Life is strange.

I'm 36 years old,

and right now,

I feel like the world's biggest idiot.

Let's start with my love life.

I've dated a ton of people.

- Some were old. - This is the life, huh?

You could say that!

- Some were crazy. - Enough!

Some were certifiably fucking crazy.

I had sex with a dragon just the day before yesterday, so...

Oh, wow. That's not something you do every day.

No, you don't. But I do.

Some were extremely self-centered.

If you press down hard with your foot,

you'll get a better grip and center of gravity.

- One hated my favorite movie. - ...Love Actually.

Honestly, you could see more impressive piles of horseshit on any horse farm.

And was super cheap.

You can just Venmo me the money for that later.

One was a woman.

One was allergic, poor guy.

Ugh, I'm so sorry.

One cheated.

And then there was one who was perfect.

It was so nice, so beautiful, so wonderful for so long.

But now it's over, and...

and it hurts.

It really hurts.

But the show must go on.

So here I am as an ugly rat in my nephew's Christmas play.

How in the world did I end up here?

Well, we'll come back to that later.

The story starts way back on December 1st...

- Hello. - Oh, hi.

...when I met my family for mulled wine.

Mom told us she was engaged,

which Dad didn't take too well.

Meanwhile, I tried to be a little proactive.

So, Christmas Eve at my place this year?

Or we can have it at mine?

Seriously, I've been thinking about what I need.

Thought long and hard.

And I wanna be surrounded by my loved ones,

um, so I can finally heal from last year.

I wanna try and...

reclaim the Christmas spirit in my own home.

- Yeah. - Yeah. So?

How about it?

- Mm-hm. - I think it'd be cool.

So it's a go, then!

- We'll do it at my place. - Yeah!

Create new memories.

- Best Christmas Eve ever. - Woo!

- It'll be fun. - Am I right? Skol!

Skol!

Okay. So far, so good.

Christmas Eve, check.

And like that, I was back in the saddle.

HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

...but it feels right

We'll never last but I don't mind

You're breaking my heart But it breaks right

And I don't mind

When you're gone I'll cry myself to sleep

But right now You make it feel so sweet

It's a joyride

You're breaking my heart But it breaks right

Ugh.

Ugh, really?

Hey, babe.

Hi!

ONE YEAR EARLIER

Perfect timing.

Dinner's about ready.

Ooh!

- Hey. - Hey, you.

- Mm. - Nice to see you.

How you've lived your whole life without these is what I wanna know.

- Don't know. - See how easy this is?

- And then... - Yeah, I see.

- All the things I never knew I needed. - There you go.

I got the whole thing! That was harder than it looked.

I don't know if we looked as cute as those two.

- So, how do you say "tramp" in Swedish? - Mmm.

- Lady and the...? - Lufsen.

Lufsen. You Swedes are so cute.

I think you're cute.

Are we spending Christmas Eve at your brother's?

- Yeah. - Cool.

I just love those twins to death.

They're awesome.

- 'Cause you're just a big kid. - Mm.

Last time, you played with them for three straight hours.

- I know. I mean, it's just so much fun. - Mm.

I could do that forever.

Like, really. I honestly think I could play games with them all day.

What did they call you again?

"Fun Auntie Jonas?"

You always make jokes when it comes to the topic of children.

Sorry. I'll, um...

I'll try to be less funny.

I just don't get why.

Well, you know that it makes me a little insecure.

I know that, but I'm just confused.

Why?

I don't understand.

Well...

I...

When you're around children, you light up. It's obvious.

And...

I don't ever want to be in the way of you getting the things you want.

And, well,

I only want for you to be happy in life.

And I am. Right here.

Yeah.

But, I can't give you joy,

in that regard.

That hasn't been decided though.

Let's talk it through.

We've definitely talked about it.

Yeah, but not like this.

I mean, we haven't made a final decision, right?

We haven't.

And you know, um...

- I've always wanted children of my own. - Yes, I know that.

I also know I love you more than anything.

And I love you.

- So much. - Hm.

That's why, uh...

That's why I want them.

But I think you...

You know what I mean.

Mm.

Like, the same way you know for sure you want children, well...

You know you don't want them.

The pipes need replacing.

You can't just repair 'em? Patch 'em up?

No, that'd just be a band-aid. They'll leak again real soon, so...

Ah, great.

There's been a, uh, leak here for quite some time.

It's gotten pretty bad in that corner down there, see,

that section of floor underneath, it's probably rotted too.

- Did you say "rotted?" - Mm.

- Will I need to get a whole new kitchen? - Well, define "new."

You can save some of it, but the rest of it'll have to go for sure.

But, my whole family's gonna be here for Christmas Eve.

Sometimes, things don't go according to plan.

Dimensions aren't standard.

- Yeah. - You see?

Two and a half.

Oh no, it broke. Well...

Ah! Maybe something in wood?

- Eh, don't do wood. - Why?

I hate wood.

Nine thousand plus eighteen thousand...

- Oh. - Twenty-four thousand...

And six more for that...

I'd like to reuse anything and everything you can salvage,

as long as it's ready for Christmas. That work?

- That's fine. - Oh yeah?

I can start in March.

In March?

I can get it ready by summer. And that's fast.

- Is that what you call it? - Don't worry, my team'll knock it out.

Ten, fifteen guys just going at it all at the same time. Pew, pew, pew.

How much would you charge to do this kind of job?

I want my money up front, due today, and in cash.

I'm sure we'll find a price that works for both of us.

I'm thinking around six to seven figures.

- Hm. - That ain't bad.

- Of course there's gas. - Yeah.

Add that on too.

It'd be 180 kilometers a day.

- I thought you were a plumber, you said? - Yeah.

- A carpenter too. - Oh.

- Can you get it done by Christmas Eve? - No.

- Not a chance. - Nope.

Ain't no way.

There might be a way.

Seriously?

But, uh...

where do you live?

Do you charge for driving time

from Verdens Ende and Nordkapp, or something or...

No. I actually live pretty close to here.

Ah. Okay.

And you could really be done with it by Christmas Eve?

I admit it would be a pretty quick turnaround...

But I'm happy to, under two conditions.

Firstly, um, my work hours are a bit unorthodox.

And I only work with sustainable materials

from good suppliers.

Yeah, okay.

Not really sure what you mean by that, but...

I won't build using crap.

Right. And that's good.

That's very, very good.

It'll involve some late evenings and early mornings.

Oh, trust me, I'm a shift worker, so I know how that goes.

And, um...

- weekends too. - Understood.

Great.

Great. Really great.

Hold on a sec. Hold on.

Wait, uh, don't we need like a contract?

Yeah, I'll send you...

I'll e-mail you a quote when I'm home.

I don't need up front payment.

You pay when I'm finished.

I'm sure we'll work something out.

When do you think you might be able to begin?

Sometime this week should work.

Just clear out the kitchen first.

That would be great.

Um...

Here, these are for you.

Okay.

What kind of kitchen do you want?

I mean, how do you want your kitchen to look?

I'm dying for something new.

Or, um, different...

As in the polar opposite of what it's like currently.

Like surfaces and everything?

Yep. You have complete creative freedom to do whatever you want.

I trust your vision.

If you can completely wipe away the memories of the old kitchen,

well, I'll... I'll be happy.

Just be all...

Terminator.

Will do.

Awesome.

Bye.

It's the most wonderful time Of the year

How's your love life these days?

Ready to get back out there?

I have no idea.

I'm a 36-year-old woman.

Thirty-sexy.

And that's not that bad,

but I'm too old to be young and way too young to be old.

In our dating pool there's only two types of men.

Divorced men with kids and tons of baggage

or a man-child with a Peter Pan complex and huge commitment issues.

And I found the perfect guy,

but perfect or not, it didn't make a difference, 'cause it didn't last.

Wanna ask Santa for one?

Oh God. No, please, don't start with that.

Girl, don't start with that again, I mean it. I'm done with men. I've had it.

- Whoo! - Whoa. Hey, now. Hey, now.

It's the most wonderful time Of the year

There'll be much mistletoeing And hearts will be glowing

DECEMBER 3

Hi!

- The interviews are in here, right? - Yeah.

You want the ward manager position?

- Yeah. - Right.

- Well, it goes by seniority. - Yeah, okay.

...and, based on my experience,

I feel like I'm at a point where I'm willing and able to...

to take more on.

And will you work

with the system or oppose it?

I'm not quite following you.

Well, when I started here a few years ago,

I quickly found out that you

were the kind of nurse who would

wheel COPD patients outside to smoke.

Yeah.

Yep, I, um... It's actually very important to me

to provide patients with individualized care.

Of course, the people who come here

obviously need to be treated for their diagnosed medical condition,

but we can't forget they're human too.

Um...

in that instance concerning Mrs. Nergaard,

that one cigarette didn't make a difference

versus the millions she'd already, uh, smoked in her life.

- Mm. - Uh, but, how I see it is,

giving her that one cigarette

brought a moment of joy after, um,

ending up in a hospital strapped to a breathing machine.

- Right. - It gave her hope,

- made her feel whole again. - Mm-hm.

And it made her a lot more trusting.

Way more receptive and open to us

and to her treatment as a whole.

If you think about it, that one cigarette might've extended her life,

given her more time, in a rather ironic way.

Anything else you'd like to add?

To wrap up here?

Sure. Um, I really would like this job.

- Hi. - Hi.

Did you just interview?

Yeah.

I, uh...

I'm heading in next, so, uh...

you got any pointers?

Uh, no. I'm not a job interview expert.

I'm sure you'll do fine without my help.

Okay. Well, can you, uh,

at least wish me luck?

Sure, fingers crossed.

Mm. God.

But what do you... You... You told me to get it.

- I never said I wanted this. - So I brought it.

I don't want that.

What do you mean? You... Yes.

My God. I don't get why you'd think I wanted that.

Honestly, I don't. I'm a grown man.

- What's going on here? - You're a grown man?

I asked for someone to come clean in here, and she brought me that thing.

- Well... - Why did you bring that?

He mentioned "dust bunnies" so I brought him one.

- Oh, a dust bunny? - Yeah.

Uh-huh.

I'll tell them to come in here and clean for you.

- I said "someone needs to dust in here." - Uh, come here.

And in your ears while you're at it!

So "dust bunny" is what we call it when there's a lot of dust in the room.

Like there's a bunch of dirt and dust in corners and under the furniture,

and it kind of hops whenever you open a door.

He was asking for a maid to clean the room.

Oh my freaking...

And then stupid old me brings this to him?

A stuffed animal?

Shit.

I always thought that Norwegian and Swedish are

interchangeable, more or less.

But they're not.

I've been here two weeks and I don't get anything.

You can speak "Swegian" around here.

- Most of us get that. - Mm.

I'll speak Norwegian, and you'll speak Swedish, but we'll switch out the,

uh, more confusing words.

I'll try. I can give it a shot.

- My ex is Swedish... - Mm.

...so I sort of have an idea of what might be the confusing ones.

I haven't seen you before.

No, I work in Ward Four, but I'm applying for the ward manager position.

- That right? - Mm-hm.

You'll get the job.

I'm crossing my fingers and toes that you're right.

You what?

- Just, fingers crossed. - Right, fingers crossed.

Right. We say "I'm holding my thumbs."

Holding my thumbs. Right.

- I'm Vera, by the way. Nice to meet you. - Right. Hi. Johanne.

Hi!

Hello.

I'm under here.

Hi.

Did you move everything up from the basement?

Yeah. There's more space up here.

Don't you think this train takes up too much space

in the middle of the living room?

See that there?

It's Ørje.

- Ørje! - Yeah.

Wow!

But, uh, how are you really holding up, Pops?

- I'm good. - Yeah?

Yeah.

Mom and Bengt Erik and Christmas Eve,

I could see you weren't thrilled about it.

Well, you know...

The thought of celebrating Christmas Eve with Mom and her new husband...

It feels a little...

Uh...

Well, I'd say it hurts, I guess.

Mm-hm.

So I was thinking that I would, um...

I'd skip this year.

So you all can celebrate with them, and I'll...

I'll just do something here.

No, you can't be all alone during the holidays.

Well, it's a basic human right not to have to celebrate

with your ex-wife and her new husband.

But Dad, you can't--

It might surprise you, I'm actually very content here alone.

When was the last time you made an effort to go out and meet somebody?

Who would I meet with?

Exactly, Pop.

Anyone. I mean like an old buddy,

or someone you might be romantically interested in?

- You can't just hide away in here-- - Gingerbread cookie?

Sure. Sounds tasty.

- That's 'cause gingerbread is tasty. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm.

Pop, you're turning all reclusive.

Like some oddball weirdo.

Look, no one's gonna wanna move in here with you...

when you have Sesam Stasjon running through here.

There's someone moving in here?

Yeah, I sure hope so.

I've been thinking about you lately, Johanne.

- About me? - We're the same, me and you.

No, we are not the same.

You're turning eccentric and weird.

But I will never become some oddball weirdo loner.

No way.

DECEMBER 4TH

Got any plans for today?

Some people from the ward are making plans to go to the, um...

I think they said "hippo bar?"

- That's right. The Hippo. - All right, there we go.

Uh, you should come too.

- Yeah, that's... - It'll be great.

It's very nice of you to ask.

I'm just not sure being the old lady hanging out with a bunch of 25-year-olds

- at the Hippo's is how I wanna... - Oh, stop.

...spend my night.

For one, you're not an old lady.

Plus, I didn't bring any party clothes or anything.

- Listen, tonight... - Yeah?

...I wanna find someone who'll throw me against the wall and...

Hm.

...then kiss me so passionately

I forget my name.

Oh. Yeah.

- Hot, right? - Yeah, hot.

I've forgotten that feeling.

So it's been a while, huh?

Yeah. My ex and I split up last Christmas, so let's just say I've been fasting.

So you're becoming a Gold Monk.

- Gold Monk? - Yeah.

And you do not wanna become a Gold Monk, trust me.

'Cause it means you haven't had sex for a year.

It's the first step towards becoming one of those weirdos.

"Knäppgök." What's that in Norwegian?

- Um... Odd. - Yeah.

- Uh, so I'm becoming a weird old lady? - Yeah.

I like you, so I can't let you become a fucking Gold Monk.

Over my dead body!

- Come on. - Oh, my God!

Yeah, here we are.

Just take your pick. It's like a fucking smorgasbord.

Uh...

Come on!

I should walk away when it begins

I know it's gonna hurt But I still get in

For the joyride

Goin' too fast but it feels right

We'll never last, but I don't mind

You're breaking my heart But it breaks right

And I don't mind

When you're gone I'll cry myself to sleep

But right now You make it feel so sweet

It's a joyride

You're breaking my heart But it breaks right

So I don't mind

Skip the red lights

The tension is high

Could cut with a knife We're Bonnie and Clyde

No one annoys me like you

We're at the drive through

A meal and a fight With fries on the side

I should walk away when it begins

I know it's gonna hurt But I still get in

For the joyride

Goin' too fast but it feels right

We'll never last, but I don't mind

You're breaking my heart But it breaks right

And I don't mind

When you're gone...

Well, well!

Oh!

Hi!

Are you leaving?

Yeah. For sure.

No, wait, come on.

I just showed up!

I know, but... yeah.

One of the good things about getting older

is that you learn when it's time to throw in the towel and call it quits.

Throwing in the towel's overrated. Hold onto it!

How 'bout a drink?

Mmm...

No?

Nah. I think I'm good.

- All right. - Yeah.

But maybe...

I'll, uh, see you back at the hospital.

I really hope so.

...but it breaks right So I don't mind

DECEMBER 5TH

Right.

So you're a very interesting, uh, candidate.

Thanks.

And we want to try to speed this whole process up.

Yeah. You got the job.

- Seriously? - Seriously.

On a trial basis. You'll be evaluated after a certain period.

Uh-huh.

And I want you to understand that

the system does exist for a reason.

I admit, it's not always ideal, but it works.

Okay.

So, the hospital has hired Magne here to be an efficiency consultant.

You'll likely see him floating around all the different wards.

His work involves...

identifying areas in daily operations that can be more cost-effective.

So, um, that's that.

Right.

Well, shall we start by going over, uh,

some of the first and maybe

most important points?

Sure.

Oh!

- Hi! - Hi.

Hi.

- Nice to see you again. - Yeah, you ran off too early.

I know, right.

That's how it is.

Congratulations, by the way. I heard a rumor that you got the job.

That's true. Sorry. But also, thank you.

Hey, have we been introduced yet?

- We haven't. - What's your name?

My name's Erik.

- Johanne. - Hi, Johanne.

Hi, Erik.

For what it's worth, I know you're absolutely gonna crush it.

I've heard literally nothing but awesome things.

That's very sweet of you. Yeah. Thank you.

See you.

Hey, one more thing.

To tell you the truth, working with you...

is gonna be a bit hard for me.

Oh, okay.

'Cause I'm gonna fall in love.

Right.

Of course.

Here we go again.

Hm.

But now,

two weeks later,

in this rat costume,

I realize I've done it again.

I'm actually in love with someone in the auditorium.

Head over heels in love.

But am I brave enough to love again?

I was waiting for love

You came over, got my hopes up

You put your hands all around me While we danced on the balcony

I was waiting for love

Should've known You're not the right one for me

Couldn't help it, the way you look Yeah, one smile was all it took

It's so unfair

I was waiting for love But now it's not there

It's so unfair

I was waiting for love

But now you're acting Like you don't care

I was waiting for love