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1
00:00:01,375 --> 00:00:03,291
I have got to go.
2
00:00:03,375 --> 00:00:05,625
- Bye.
- Bye.
3
00:00:06,208 --> 00:00:08,458
That exact moment
happened in my dream last night.
4
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,542
Yeah, and then the tops came off
and the music kicked in.
5
00:00:16,792 --> 00:00:19,542
My mother used to kiss her friends
goodbye on the lips.
6
00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:21,166
It let them know they were special.
7
00:00:21,375 --> 00:00:23,667
So I decided to do that
with all of my best friends.
8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,125
Well, I should get going.
9
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:30,083
Bye, Tom.
10
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,208
Hey, I'd like one of those
friend goodbye kisses.
11
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:37,333
Sweetie, they're only for best friends.
12
00:00:40,542 --> 00:00:42,333
Bye, buddy.
13
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:48,709
I saw that coming.
14
00:00:48,792 --> 00:00:50,000
Come on!
15
00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:59,458
{\an8}So, Laurie and I have this new trainer,
Crazy Chris.
16
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:01,083
{\an8}Well, actually, he's an ex-con
17
00:01:01,166 --> 00:01:02,959
{\an8}that we pay to yell at us
so we work out harder.
18
00:01:03,375 --> 00:01:06,083
{\an8}He says all I need to do
is lower my carbs
19
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:09,250
{\an8}and get crazy wiry so eses
in the yard think I'm loco.
20
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:11,500
{\an8}Your trainer's name is Crazy Chris?
21
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:14,041
{\an8}His real name is
Crazy Chris the Nightmare Man,
22
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:16,083
{\an8}but he shortened it
to sound more professional.
23
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:17,458
{\an8}Here's the bad news.
24
00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:19,125
{\an8}He says that, calorie-wise,
25
00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:22,417
{\an8}a glass of wine is the same as
a slice of chocolate cake.
26
00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:23,917
{\an8}I don't buy it.
27
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,583
{\an8}Hey, Tom! Recycle this!
28
00:01:25,709 --> 00:01:27,208
{\an8}Oh.
29
00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:31,166
{\an8}Tom's been kind of AWOL since
you denied him that goodbye kiss.
30
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:32,542
{\an8}Was I too hard on Tom?
31
00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:34,417
{\an8}Who cares?
32
00:01:35,291 --> 00:01:37,917
{\an8}Uh, it's okay, Jules.
33
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,417
{\an8}I'll just be over
at my house waiting to die.
34
00:01:41,917 --> 00:01:43,041
{\an8}And you're done.
35
00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:53,291
{\an8}Boom! I just crushed it on my date
with the hot dog doctor.
36
00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:57,834
{\an8}He means hot dog doctor.
She's a veterinarian.
37
00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:00,375
{\an8}Sometimes you have a problem
with which word to emphasise.
38
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:02,583
{\an8}Yeah. I should've said hot dog doctor.
39
00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:06,500
{\an8}No, that would be a rule-breaking
bad-ass surgeon.
40
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,750
{\an8}Anyway, I met Nicole
when I took Dog Travis to the vet.
41
00:02:08,834 --> 00:02:11,333
{\an8}You guys remember when he had
that bad sleep-humping problem?
42
00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:13,375
{\an8}Oh, Bobby, you don't
still sleep nude, do you?
43
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:15,166
{\an8}Man, dogs just don't understand
the word no.
44
00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:17,000
{\an8}I feel like they do.
45
00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:19,291
{\an8}Fellas, I'm really
excited about this woman.
46
00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:21,458
{\an8}She's smart, she's classy...
47
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,291
{\an8}...and I'm ready for a real relationship.
48
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,625
{\an8}This could be something special.
49
00:02:25,709 --> 00:02:27,959
{\an8}And I don't think
she wants to see me again.
50
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,625
{\an8}Well, don't jump to conclusions.
What's it say?
51
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,083
{\an8}"I don't wanna see you again."
52
00:02:32,458 --> 00:02:33,834
{\an8}That's pretty clear.
53
00:02:34,583 --> 00:02:36,375
{\an8}Oh, good, there's Tom. I can apologise.
54
00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:38,500
{\an8}Oh, wait. He's with a woman.
55
00:02:38,583 --> 00:02:41,083
{\an8}Well, I'm sure it's just a relative
or something. Probably a cousin.
56
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:42,792
{\an8}Uh...
57
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,834
{\an8}Still could be a cousin.
58
00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:49,959
{\an8}Cousin stuff can be hot. It's like they
instinctively know what turns you on.
59
00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,834
{\an8}And that's how jellies are made.
60
00:02:51,917 --> 00:02:55,083
{\an8}Hey, Tom!
We haven't seen you in a while.
61
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:56,667
{\an8}I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.
62
00:02:57,125 --> 00:03:00,041
{\an8}Oh, no, Jules. I'm just hanging with
my girlfriend, Jessica.
63
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,792
That's right, world, I have a girlfriend.
64
00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:06,000
Yeah, you do.
Go ahead, smack that ass.
65
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:07,792
Let it know who it belongs to.
66
00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:10,458
- Uh, over or under?
- I think we all vote "over."
67
00:03:10,542 --> 00:03:11,625
Over.
68
00:03:11,709 --> 00:03:12,750
Oh.
69
00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:16,250
Oh, my goodness!
Your purse could be my purse's mom.
70
00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:19,875
You must be Jules. Tommy says
he hangs outside your window.
71
00:03:20,125 --> 00:03:21,792
And you just ignored that red flag, huh?
72
00:03:21,875 --> 00:03:22,917
Quiet.
73
00:03:23,542 --> 00:03:24,750
- So Tom's got a girlfriend.
- Mmm-hmm.
74
00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:26,834
Does she not like Ellie?
75
00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:28,333
What? Why?
76
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,333
- Just assuming.
- Oh, fair enough.
77
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,625
When did you go to
a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert?
78
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,250
{\an8}Oh, I didn't. I just like the shirt.
79
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:36,583
So your shirt's a lie.
80
00:03:36,959 --> 00:03:38,834
I hate lie-shirts. Lie-shirts say,
81
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:42,166
"Oh, look at me, I'm pretending
to be something that I'm not."
82
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:45,125
Or they just say, "Hey, I'm a shirt."
83
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:48,417
I'm with Jules. When I wear a shirt...
84
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:53,041
Hey, jellybean, if you're gonna vomit out
one of your long, boring-ass stories,
85
00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:54,333
would you do me a solid
86
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,583
and raise your hand
when you hit the halfway point?
87
00:03:56,750 --> 00:04:00,291
If I wear a shirt,
you'd better believe that it is true.
88
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:02,750
Even my "Female
Booty Inspector" shirt.
89
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:05,625
That's an actual job that I had once
at a bar in Key West.
90
00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:09,041
At midnight, all the drunk college girls
would come out on a stage
91
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:13,041
and, yes, yes,
and then I would hose them down,
92
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:16,583
and then I'd get to judge
whose booty was the best.
93
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:18,875
Bar got shut down fast.
94
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,583
Okay, I say no more wearing lie-shirts.
Who's with me?
95
00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:23,959
Me!
Me!
96
00:04:24,917 --> 00:04:26,250
It's weird you wouldn't speak up,
97
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,375
considering you're eating my food
and I gave you life.
98
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,750
Moving speech. I'm in.
99
00:04:30,917 --> 00:04:32,542
You can't just outlaw my shirt.
100
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,291
Yes, she can. In our gang of seven,
four is the majority.
101
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,000
Who's in favour of four votes
making something a rule?
102
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,375
Aye!
103
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:41,834
Change approved. Change your shirt.
104
00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:48,834
So, I texted hot dog doctor.
105
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,792
Thank you. And I asked her why
she never wanted to see me again.
106
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,500
Was it because you burn so bright that
107
00:04:55,583 --> 00:04:57,375
she knew she could never be
good enough for you?
108
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,875
No! She said I had horrible manners.
109
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:01,667
I mean,
can you believe that?
110
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:05,083
Well, your shirt does seem to
come off a lot for no reason.
111
00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:07,125
Gotta air the dogs out.
112
00:05:07,542 --> 00:05:08,834
You smell like a man.
113
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:11,792
Oh, I love you guys. But you're too nice.
114
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:16,041
And I need someone who's gonna give
me the harsh truth, even if it kills me.
115
00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:20,041
I'll do it!
116
00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:23,583
- How did you...
- Your phone was on.
117
00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,792
Oh.
118
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:27,583
Oh, that necklace is so Jersey Shore.
119
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,458
Oh, yeah.
120
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,083
Hey, neighbours.
You want some grapes?
121
00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:39,875
Oh, no, thanks. I don't like grapes.
Any more.
122
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:49,458
You know, she's like this perky,
hot blonde, and Tom is...
123
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:54,083
- He's...
- Non-traditional looking?
124
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,375
You are so sweet.
125
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,667
You know, Tom has
all that doctor money.
126
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,041
I think Jessica's a gold-digger.
127
00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:05,041
I should know,
I wrote the book on gold-digging.
128
00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:08,709
I say we investigate and find out
what that bitch's deal is.
129
00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:12,166
No, I'm happy for Tom.
We're not investigating anyone.
130
00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,417
Oh, hey, sluts.
131
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,625
Oh...
132
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,291
Say what?
133
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,917
Is this the window
you make Tommy stand outside of?
134
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,667
Well, that crap is over.
135
00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:24,333
So no more kissing your ass
and laughing at your little jokes
136
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,917
and taking dirty naps
up in your bed when you're gone.
137
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,542
I wasn't aware he did that.
138
00:06:28,625 --> 00:06:30,625
Just back the hell off.
139
00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:38,166
Let's investigate
and find out what that bitch's deal is.
140
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:39,583
Meet you back here at 5:00.
141
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,834
- Oh, I'm loving this!
- It's great.
142
00:06:45,625 --> 00:06:48,542
Ooh, damn, girl, where'd you get
that body from?
143
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,417
Do I really have to say that
every time you walk into a room?
144
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,417
Four votes, dude. Deal with it.
145
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:56,500
Okay, Tom and Jessica
just drove into town.
146
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,667
Are you ready to go spy on them?
147
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,333
I got my comfy shoes and I got the wine.
148
00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:00,875
Oh, honey, are you sure
you wanna bring wine?
149
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:03,000
We're gonna be standing
in one place for a really long time.
150
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:04,959
So what? If we have to pee,
I'll just squat in the alley.
151
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,500
Good idea.
152
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:09,667
Oh, hell yeah, baby!
153
00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:11,125
Stupid rule.
154
00:07:11,291 --> 00:07:13,959
Comfy shoes, wine...
Are those caper supplies?
155
00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,083
Is this a caper?
156
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:18,417
Whenever these two go on one of their
adventures without adult supervision,
157
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:20,000
it's always a disaster.
158
00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:21,917
She's the fire-starter,
she's the gasoline-pourer.
159
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,125
Bing!
160
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:24,500
It's a bad thing.
161
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:28,208
Remember the time when we lived out
all of our favourite song lyrics?
162
00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:30,208
Yeah. We were dancing in the dark.
163
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:33,625
Oh, we drank piña coladas,
then we let all those dogs out.
164
00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,834
And I'm the one that has to
clean up the mess.
165
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:41,041
Write this down. Do not let these two
near any statues of naked men.
166
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:44,041
That explains that bag of
bronze penises in your closet.
167
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:46,125
If you say so, yeah.
168
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,125
- Bye!
- Bye!
169
00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:51,625
I love this place.
They got big ass-burgers.
170
00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,250
No.
171
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,166
They've got big-ass burgers?
172
00:07:55,333 --> 00:07:56,542
That's much better.
173
00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:58,458
Hey, thanks for coming on
this fake date
174
00:07:58,542 --> 00:08:00,125
and helping me with my manners,
E-biscuit.
175
00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:02,625
Are you kidding?
It combines two of my favourite things,
176
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,583
eating out
and telling people they're gross.
177
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:08,458
Now, are you at all curious
as to why I am still standing?
178
00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:09,583
I am not.
179
00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,625
You always pull a date's chair out
when she sits.
180
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:15,041
Open up with a practical joke. I like it.
181
00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:16,750
It's for real.
182
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,125
Huh?
183
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,500
All right, so...
184
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,875
Here you go. And always stand
when a woman approaches the table.
185
00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:26,458
That's the opposite thing
they say at most strip clubs.
186
00:08:28,792 --> 00:08:31,166
- What's he doing?
- He's washing his food-pushing pinkie.
187
00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:35,166
Yeah, it's for the stuff I push
onto my fork. I'm not an animal.
188
00:08:35,417 --> 00:08:36,667
Good God.
189
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,458
Not for waitresses!
190
00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:45,458
These rules are out of control, okay?
191
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,959
I have to put a paper towel down
in the toilet before I use the bathroom
192
00:08:49,041 --> 00:08:51,500
because apparently I pee too loud.
193
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,500
I have the stream of a twenty-year-old!
194
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,583
I will not apologise for that!
195
00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:56,792
What's with the tiny spoon?
196
00:08:56,875 --> 00:08:58,458
Ellie got four votes.
197
00:08:58,542 --> 00:09:00,375
She thinks
this will slow down my eating.
198
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,500
You can either sit there
with your baby spoon,
199
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,166
or you can stand beside me and fight.
200
00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:09,917
What are you doing?
201
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,750
Bobby and I always seal the deal
with a hug pact.
202
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:14,709
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Look, we have you, me and Bobby.
203
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:16,667
All we need is Travis' vote.
204
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,250
Mmm.
205
00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:23,458
The pact is sealed.
206
00:09:24,709 --> 00:09:26,417
Go for Trav-tastic.
207
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,458
Yeah, I really answer
the phone like that. What?
208
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,583
- Balcony can!
- Balcony can!
209
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:36,750
Oh, I just love watching Bobby
and Ellie on their pretend date.
210
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:38,333
They're so cute together.
211
00:09:38,417 --> 00:09:40,834
Do you think Ellie and Andy are,
like, for real?
212
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,750
And... No, of course not.
213
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,917
I'm just so bored
watching Tom and Jessica.
214
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,208
They're just shopping.
215
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:48,208
To the untrained eye.
216
00:09:48,291 --> 00:09:51,041
But to someone
with a degree in gold-diggery,
217
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,667
I noticed that
she doesn't have her purse with her.
218
00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:56,333
Oh, my God!
He's buying her everything!
219
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:57,458
Mmm-hmm.
220
00:09:57,542 --> 00:10:01,250
Oh, sure, she bends over,
shows him Franklin and Bash,
221
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:03,959
and out comes the gold card.
222
00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:07,959
She's good.
Yeah, she's real good. Jules?
223
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,959
Kiss her, Bobby. Kiss her!
224
00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:11,792
- Jules!
- I'm back.
225
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:15,125
You know, I'd like to get
a look inside that giant purse.
226
00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:17,250
I bet she has her whole life in there.
227
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,208
I bet that purse is
at Tom's house right now.
228
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,583
- Yes!
- Yes!
229
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,834
No. Sometimes when we're together,
230
00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:27,875
it's like, I blink, and suddenly
things are totally out of control.
231
00:10:31,041 --> 00:10:32,125
There.
232
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:34,500
We're in. I feel good about this.
233
00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:35,625
Wow.
234
00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:38,792
Tom's place is amazing.
235
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:43,250
I could totally see myself doing a guy
I'm not attracted to in this house.
236
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:45,041
Just find the damn purse.
237
00:10:45,208 --> 00:10:48,667
Jules! Now I know
what "dirty naps" means.
238
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,333
What?
239
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,875
- Are you kidding?
- Are you kidding?
240
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:55,208
Hey, you still have a kid?
241
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:57,792
Yeah, yeah.
That picture's from her christening.
242
00:10:57,875 --> 00:10:59,709
I need a frame.
243
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:03,041
Hey, you're wearing your lie-shirt.
We have rules.
244
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:07,375
No, we have rules. Hit it, sidekick.
245
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:11,792
Lie-shirts, big spoons
and loud urination are all back.
246
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,625
Coasters are now optional
'cause they're stupid.
247
00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:15,834
Dumb.
248
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:17,625
And that is now the beer fridge.
249
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,083
Change approved!
250
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:28,709
How'd you get four votes?
251
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:31,333
You turned my son against me,
didn't you?
252
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:35,250
And you raised such a nerd, all it took
was a pair of Incredible Hulk hands.
253
00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:36,625
Incredible what?
254
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:41,917
Hulk angry! Hulk smash panini!
255
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:48,083
This is what happens when a boy
is raised by Captain Caveman.
256
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,959
What are you doing?
257
00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:53,417
The first bite of someone else's
dessert is always the best.
258
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:57,000
Give him a break.
Sharing food with your date is sweet.
259
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,333
I guess. I did wanna try the flan.
260
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:02,583
Back off, girl!
I just told you the first bite's the best.
261
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,375
It's not my fault
you weren't playing defence.
262
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:05,917
That is it.
263
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:10,125
So far, you've eaten off my plate,
picked your teeth with a knife,
264
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:12,667
and used your pants,
shirt and tablecloth as a napkin.
265
00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:14,500
The only time that you said "excuse me"
266
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:17,041
was to get my attention
before you burped!
267
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:19,875
I didn't want you to miss it.
That baby was a table-shaker.
268
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,834
That guy clapped. Hey, baby!
269
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,542
You're hopeless. You're never
gonna get that second date.
270
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,792
So as soon as you can accept that,
your life's gonna be easier.
271
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:36,834
Women. No live with them, no smash.
272
00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:39,917
Sorry.
273
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:45,208
I can't find it anywhere!
Where do you hide a purse that big?
274
00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:47,458
Maybe we're inside it.
275
00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,875
This is crazy. We could go to jail.
276
00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:51,500
Jail isn't that scary,
277
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:55,375
especially since Crazy Chris taught us
how to make nice with the Latin Kings.
278
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:58,291
I can't remember that handshake!
It had, like, eighteen moves.
279
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:00,542
It's so simple.
280
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:03,000
Hand, pump, hand, pump,
281
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:07,000
give one up, pour some out...
282
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,333
- ...fake shank, homey hug!
- Homey hug!
283
00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:09,500
You see?
284
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:12,417
Uh, what are you doing in Tommy's
house doing a Latin Kings shake?
285
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:16,750
Um, I can answer that.
Laurie, blind her with your wine!
286
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:20,542
It was mostly empty.
287
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:24,083
You've ruined my best dress!
I'm calling the police.
288
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,166
That's your best dress?
289
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,125
I'm calling the police.
The fashion police.
290
00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:31,667
I'm calling Tommy.
291
00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:34,875
No, no, please don't do that.
We can work this out. Please.
292
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:41,250
How's it going with you and jelly?
Are you keeping it under control?
293
00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:43,291
We may have taken a hostage.
294
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,083
You're going down,
you little whores!
295
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:47,875
Bye.
296
00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:51,375
Let me out, you bitch!
297
00:13:51,458 --> 00:13:53,291
You know, nice language.
298
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:56,166
Lady, you can forget about
your bathroom bucket.
299
00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:58,333
- I called in the cleaner.
- You better let me out, you skank!
300
00:13:58,417 --> 00:13:59,458
I had to.
301
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:08,125
I understand we have a,
uh, felony break-in
302
00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:09,875
and a body in the closet. Is that correct?
303
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:12,917
All right, do what I say
and we'll get through this.
304
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,417
Jellybean, find that damn purse.
We can still prove she's a gold-digger.
305
00:14:16,834 --> 00:14:19,417
Jules, get a rag, wipe the place down.
306
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:21,291
Tables, doorknobs,
anything you may have touched.
307
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:22,625
Get to work.
308
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,208
A "please" would be nice.
309
00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:27,375
- Come again?
- I said a "please" would be nice.
310
00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:30,375
Get it straight, buster.
I'm not here to say "please,"
311
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,125
I'm here to tell you what to do.
312
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:35,375
If my help's not appreciated,
best of luck, lady.
313
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,583
No, no. I'm sorry, Miss Ellie.
314
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,417
Are you guys gonna kill me?
315
00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:42,709
No.
316
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:46,125
Jessica? That text you sent
auto-corrected to the word "kidnapped."
317
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,458
Cleaner out.
318
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:49,750
Hey!
319
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:53,000
Bye.
320
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:58,375
Whoa, what are you doing here?
321
00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:00,083
Think you could just
crush my dad and walk away?
322
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,333
Well, bad news, lady.
323
00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:05,250
You're gonna have to
answer to this guy.
324
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:08,750
Did you finally get visited
by the nut sack fairy?
325
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:09,917
I'm not afraid of you.
326
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,166
Why don't you come over here
and say that?
327
00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,417
Because I don't want to.
328
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:15,709
All you dummies treat Bobby
with such kid gloves.
329
00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:19,542
Because it would be so much better
if we were all just mean and hateful.
330
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:24,166
I love your dad! He wants a nice,
classy woman to spend his life with.
331
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:28,792
Trav, he's an unemployed guy
who lives on a boat in a parking lot.
332
00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:31,709
If every other aspect of
his personality isn't top-notch,
333
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:34,458
do you think
he's really gonna find that woman?
334
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,125
Do you think he'll ever really be happy?
335
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:38,917
No, I don't!
336
00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:47,959
Was he really crushed?
337
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:50,542
- Yeah.
- Shoot.
338
00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:54,500
This psycho locked me
in the closet and tied my hands!
339
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:57,375
- Whoa! Don't push me!
- Oh! Oh!
340
00:15:57,458 --> 00:16:01,208
Okay. Stop! Normally I'd be thrilled
to have two gals fighting in my house.
341
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:04,709
Most of my cul-de-sac
fan fiction starts like this.
342
00:16:04,792 --> 00:16:07,000
Well, no one gets hogtied
and thrown in the closet, right?
343
00:16:09,417 --> 00:16:10,875
I should never read that stuff, should I?
344
00:16:10,959 --> 00:16:12,083
No.
345
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,000
We were just worried about you.
346
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,500
And Jessica was
so into you so quickly...
347
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:20,542
Right, 'cause a woman could never feel
that way about me.
348
00:16:20,709 --> 00:16:22,208
You should go.
349
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:23,959
Bye-bye, Jessica.
350
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:26,709
Don't let the door hit you
on your gold-digging ass.
351
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:28,583
No, Jules. Uh, you.
352
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:29,959
What?
353
00:16:30,041 --> 00:16:33,250
Jules! I found it.
I walked past it four times.
354
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:34,583
I thought it was a beanbag chair.
355
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,875
- Give me that!
- No! No, no! No!
356
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:40,458
All right. Purse of a purse!
357
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,333
Yes! This is your watch, Tom!
358
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,625
What?
359
00:16:45,709 --> 00:16:49,250
Why would your watch
be in her purse, Tom?
360
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,542
She's getting it fixed for me.
361
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:53,875
I guess we should go.
362
00:16:59,291 --> 00:17:01,542
- They hurt me.
- Okay.
363
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,500
Ugh. I feel horrible.
364
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,583
Partly because of Tom,
365
00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:12,166
partly because I had
three slices of chocolate cake
366
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:14,875
and then an actual slice of
chocolate cake.
367
00:17:14,959 --> 00:17:17,458
I had a whole bottle of chocolate cake.
368
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,041
Oh.
369
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:22,291
Hey, guys, do you think
we went too far with Tom?
370
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,000
- Sorry, new rule. Shall we?
- Mmm.
371
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:27,333
- We...
- As husbands...
372
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:30,542
No longer have to respond
to crazy-ass questions
373
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:33,375
that you'd get mad at us
for answering honestly,
374
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:37,875
even though, deep down,
you already know the honest answer.
375
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:40,542
That was actually pretty impressive.
376
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,125
Okay, don't say anything,
just let me talk.
377
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:49,166
Even though I mean well,
I know that sometimes I can be a little...
378
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:50,542
Oh, please don't leave.
379
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:52,875
I'm only standing
because there's a lady present.
380
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:57,792
Thank you.
381
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:05,709
Travis told me that
you were just looking out for me.
382
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:09,166
You know I'm pretty damn charming.
383
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,709
You'd totally go out with me
on a second date.
384
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,625
I know.
385
00:18:15,041 --> 00:18:17,041
- Are your hands clean?
- Nope.
386
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:24,500
There you are. I tried calling.
387
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:27,166
Can you stop breaking into my house?
388
00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:28,750
You broke into my house.
389
00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:30,250
That's different. I have keys.
390
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,083
I never gave you a set of keys.
391
00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:34,000
I stole them for emergencies.
392
00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:38,875
Oh, um, I wasn't sure I'd get in the
window, so that's Laurie on the roof.
393
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:42,792
In heels.
394
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:43,959
Oh.
395
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,583
We wanted to apologise.
396
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,125
Oh.
397
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,583
Almost died! This saved me.
Thank you!
398
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:59,458
Where's Jessica?
399
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:03,208
I kicked her out.
She was stealing my watch.
400
00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:06,458
I was just too embarrassed to admit it.
401
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:09,542
I knew we were right! Dude!
402
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,750
Yeah! Yeah!
403
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:14,917
Homey hug!
404
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:16,458
Latin Kings, huh?
405
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,333
How does everyone know that?
406
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,417
Still, it was nice having someone
pay attention to me,
407
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,500
even if it wasn't real.
408
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:24,667
I get lonely sometimes.
409
00:19:25,959 --> 00:19:27,834
I am so sorry.
410
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:31,625
It's okay. It seemed like you were
almost looking out for me.
411
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:35,250
Well, that's what friends do.
We look out for each other.
412
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:39,291
I hope you find some friends.
413
00:19:39,375 --> 00:19:40,709
Take care.
414
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,792
Oh, Tom, we're just kidding! Come on!
415
00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:48,959
Hey, everyone.
416
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:50,166
Grab a spot.
417
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,375
- Inside?
- Inside?
418
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,542
Mmm-hmm.
419
00:19:52,667 --> 00:19:56,166
This is easily the greatest thing
that's ever happened to me.
420
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:58,375
Well, that makes me a little sad.
421
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:00,125
Why do I have to stand out here?
422
00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:03,333
That's your punishment for
turning Trav against me.
423
00:20:03,417 --> 00:20:05,291
Thank God Andy flipped back.
424
00:20:05,542 --> 00:20:06,917
We had a hug pact.
425
00:20:06,959 --> 00:20:08,041
You never hugged back!
426
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:09,792
It's not official then, bud.
427
00:20:10,291 --> 00:20:13,750
This is so fun.
I feel like I'm one of you guys.
428
00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:18,250
Well, you are. To Tom.
Welcome to the crew.
429
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,417
- To Tom!
- Tommy boy!
430
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,709
E-train, I had a great time tonight.
431
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:26,000
I did, too.
432
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:28,542
Now, do you promise
you'll always give me the harsh truth?
433
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,250
I promise. Hug pact?
434
00:20:35,709 --> 00:20:38,041
{\an8}Aren't they just amazing together?
435
00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:41,458
{\an8}I'm not entirely comfortable with this.
436
00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:45,166
{\an8}Oh, stop it.
You've fantasized about this, too.
437
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,291
{\an8}Pfft.
438
00:20:47,583 --> 00:20:49,333
{\an8}I know.
439
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,291
{\an8}Kiss him. Kiss him.
33700
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