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1
00:00:01,375 --> 00:00:03,000
I can't believe we're finally back.
2
00:00:03,083 --> 00:00:06,709
Seriously, it feels like
we've been gone over a year.
3
00:00:07,083 --> 00:00:10,125
I honestly thought we might never be
in this kitchen again.
4
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,959
You know, just hanging out,
5
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:13,667
telling our stories to each other,
6
00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:15,792
to the world.
7
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Mmm.
8
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:18,667
Where were you guys?
9
00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:22,166
Over at Ellie's, but we ran out of wine.
And it got really intense.
10
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:23,291
- Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.
11
00:00:24,917 --> 00:00:26,041
Here you go!
12
00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:27,417
Wow.
13
00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:28,667
Ooh!
14
00:00:32,875 --> 00:00:34,834
Rack 'em up, dime eyes.
15
00:00:34,917 --> 00:00:35,959
On it.
16
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:43,959
Wow. Are you guys alcoholics?
Are you all in AA?
17
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,750
Honey, that's two different questions.
18
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,709
- Okay, lock and load, everyone.
- Whoo!
19
00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,417
Wait. You guys, I read something.
20
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:51,917
Already not a true story.
21
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,375
Fine, someone told me something.
22
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:55,875
When you toast and clink glasses,
23
00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:59,250
it's crazy bad luck to drink
before the glass stops ringing.
24
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,542
Fair enough. Cheers, y'all.
25
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,250
Oh.
26
00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:12,959
Oh, good God, let's chance it.
27
00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:17,250
- Mmm. Oh, my God.
- Mmm.
28
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:19,792
That's really nice. It's really got...
It's really nice.
29
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,041
Mmm.
30
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,166
Be honest. Are you happy?
31
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:31,291
Are you kidding?
32
00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:35,250
{\an8}We've been married for a week
and I've only regretted it, like, twice.
33
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:36,875
{\an8}Raise your hand if
34
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,667
{\an8}you had an incredibly sexy time
with your spouse last night.
35
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,834
{\an8}- Oh, come on, Ellie.
- What?
36
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,250
{\an8}Oh, I'm not being mean,
I just don't know for sure.
37
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:50,250
{\an8}I took an Ambien last night
and I told Andy to go nuts.
38
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:51,500
{\an8}Did you have fun, boo?
39
00:01:51,625 --> 00:01:54,875
{\an8}Yeah, well, I crossed a few things off
my naughty bucket list.
40
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:57,417
{\an8}Attaboy. Don't tell me now, I just ate.
41
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:58,542
{\an8}Okay.
42
00:01:58,625 --> 00:01:59,834
{\an8}Ooh! Tell me one.
43
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:05,834
{\an8}You okay?
44
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,542
{\an8}I don't think I'll ever be okay.
45
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:08,875
{\an8}Hey, Week One.
46
00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:11,333
{\an8}Didn't you make Jules coffee
yesterday?
47
00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,542
{\an8}- So?
- Rookie mistake.
48
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:17,542
{\an8}You know, the first few weeks
of marriage, everything's a precedent.
49
00:02:17,625 --> 00:02:20,959
{\an8}You do something twice,
that's the way it is forever.
50
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,291
{\an8}After we got married,
51
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:25,792
{\an8}dummy here made the mistake of
only peeing in the house.
52
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:29,041
{\an8}He'd wait till he got to the office for
his more horrifying bathroom needs.
53
00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:30,208
{\an8}Tell them the happy ending.
54
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,750
{\an8}Never poo'ed in my own home.
55
00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:36,583
{\an8}No.
56
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,417
{\an8}Please. I don't suddenly
57
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,125
{\an8}have to make coffee every morning.
58
00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:44,959
{\an8}- Right, babe?
- No.
59
00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:46,417
{\an8}I finally got a coffee bitch!
60
00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,166
{\an8}I know! I'm so happy for us!
61
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,208
{\an8}- Oh. Honey, I need some more cream.
- Oh.
62
00:02:51,291 --> 00:02:53,083
{\an8}That's how you wanna play this?
63
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,709
{\an8}Do I wanna know
why my neck is so sore?
64
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,250
No. Not ever.
65
00:03:00,959 --> 00:03:02,417
So, Laurie.
66
00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:05,875
Sorry, morning voice.
67
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,291
It's 2:30.
68
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:11,208
{\an8}Trav, I live in a parking lot.
It's the first time I've spoken all day.
69
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:13,375
{\an8}So, Laurie, how's Wade?
70
00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:18,709
I have been calling him in Afghanistan
so much, you guys.
71
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:22,834
The other night, we actually
played Monopoly on the phone!
72
00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:25,250
B-T-dubs,
I'm kind of obsessed with Monopoly.
73
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,166
In high school, I once had
a backseat quickie with a guy
74
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,083
just 'cause
his name was Marvin Gardens.
75
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,709
Anyway, the point is,
I played Monopoly so much that
76
00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,792
all the kids called me
"Community Chest."
77
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,333
Are you sure that's why they...
78
00:03:35,417 --> 00:03:36,750
Dude, just let me have that one.
79
00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:39,875
Ooh! Hey, baby.
80
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,333
You remember last week when
81
00:03:41,417 --> 00:03:43,417
you got all drunk
and you told her that you loved her?
82
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:44,875
- No.
- Really?
83
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:46,041
Of course, I do.
84
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,834
God! You're awesome
at picking up on sarcasm.
85
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,291
Actually, son, I'm not.
86
00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,250
But, Trav, you never tell a lady
how you feel about her
87
00:03:53,375 --> 00:03:54,375
if you've been drinking.
88
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,667
I love it when you give me dad lessons.
89
00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,542
- Sarcasm?
- Yeah.
90
00:03:58,792 --> 00:04:01,125
See, I can pick up on it
if I really focus.
91
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:04,792
Look, ever since you turned 21,
I've been worrying that
92
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:07,291
I didn't teach you all that I wanted to
about being a man.
93
00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:11,542
I mean, I covered the basics,
honesty, loyalty, the birds and the bees.
94
00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:14,500
My dad's big tip for
driving the ladies wild, and I quote,
95
00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:17,125
"Get her butt-naked
and kiss everything but the good parts."
96
00:04:17,542 --> 00:04:18,834
None-a-lingus.
97
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:21,750
Mwah.
98
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:23,208
Oh, I poured you a glass of wine.
99
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:25,500
Oh. Just like you did yesterday.
100
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,000
- Oh.
- No, no, no.
101
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,625
No, this doesn't count as a precedent
102
00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:30,583
because, uh, you, uh, didn't get it yet.
103
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:36,959
Ah! No. No. No. No.
104
00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:39,834
- Yes!
- Damn it.
105
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,750
Now I have a wine guy.
106
00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:43,917
Wine guy and coffee bitch.
107
00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:46,333
The world's two worst superheroes.
108
00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:48,625
You know, this stinks.
109
00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:50,250
You know, the only thing
I've won so far is that
110
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,375
Jules has to yank any weird
old man hairs growing out of my ears,
111
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:54,917
- but she likes doing that.
- I really do.
112
00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:56,917
- Mmm-hmm.
- Ooh!
113
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,875
- Ah!
- Sorry.
114
00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:00,333
Wow, that is really long.
115
00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,291
I could probably make a bracelet
out of that thing. Ew.
116
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,625
Bye, sweetie.
117
00:05:03,709 --> 00:05:07,208
Jules, not only does my neck hurt,
118
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:09,834
I also have a rug burn on my forehead.
119
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:13,417
Tell me what happened.
120
00:05:14,875 --> 00:05:15,917
Yes.
121
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,291
- You're in my personal space.
- You're all right.
122
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:19,875
Never.
123
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,291
Heya!
124
00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:22,417
- Hey, Bobby.
- Yo.
125
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,417
- You got a second?
- Of course, Jerry.
126
00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:27,625
Oh, damn it! Excuse me.
127
00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:33,875
Dude, I had to bolt. I owe Jerry money.
128
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,333
Nice move.
129
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:36,834
Man, these iced coffees are cold.
130
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:38,542
Well, they are iced.
131
00:05:38,834 --> 00:05:40,792
That's another good dad lesson, Trav.
132
00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:43,333
It's never a bad idea
to run away from your problems.
133
00:05:45,959 --> 00:05:47,000
Oh, you're serious?
134
00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:48,500
Serious as a brain freeze.
135
00:05:48,709 --> 00:05:50,000
Those aren't serious.
136
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:51,250
Tell that to Ando.
137
00:05:58,208 --> 00:05:59,583
Good Lord.
138
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,583
Most bartenders are such flirts.
You didn't even look at that girl.
139
00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:13,542
Oh, wow, her boob just popped out
of her top.
140
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,333
What am I, new?
141
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,625
You are awesome.
142
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,250
You know, honey,
143
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,166
I don't want our first week of marriage
144
00:06:21,291 --> 00:06:25,250
to be some stupid contest
about setting precedents.
145
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:28,458
I want to be the best wife I can be.
146
00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:29,959
Deal.
147
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,542
Bye.
148
00:06:35,083 --> 00:06:37,458
Your change, beautiful.
149
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,291
Hello, boys.
150
00:06:41,542 --> 00:06:43,625
Hey, dime eyes, stop that.
151
00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:47,792
I would never behave that way.
152
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,667
You'd better not.
153
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:52,125
What, what.
154
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:56,917
Ow!
155
00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:00,166
Why'd you do that?
156
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,291
It's late. I'll tell you in the morning.
157
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,166
Ow!
158
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:10,625
Stupid marriage.
159
00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:17,291
Okay, fine, coffee bitch,
maybe I shouldn't have hit you. I just...
160
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:19,875
I hate when people act differently
behind my back.
161
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,166
Be who you really are. Am I right?
162
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:23,834
- Yes. Sure.
- Obviously.
163
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:25,667
In dreams.
164
00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:28,917
Be who you really are in dreams.
It didn't happen.
165
00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,834
I can't believe you two were lesbians.
166
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:34,208
It would be nice to be with someone
who wasn't so hairy.
167
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,583
Lasered smooth...
168
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,125
All over.
169
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:39,917
Okay, well,
I'm gonna have to see that later.
170
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,041
Me, too.
171
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:45,458
Yes, sometimes we look at
each other's whoos. Move on.
172
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,000
I mean, why do guys find
the most random things sexy?
173
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:51,959
Bobby lost it yesterday
over some woman's height.
174
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:53,583
Well, how tall was she?
175
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:54,709
5'7''.
176
00:07:54,792 --> 00:07:57,208
- Oh!
- Oh-ho, damn!
177
00:07:57,291 --> 00:07:58,917
Whoo! 5'7''.
178
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:00,709
I'm 5'6''.
179
00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:03,458
All men out.
180
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:05,667
5'6'' ain't that hot.
181
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:07,041
You're preaching to the choir, brother.
182
00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:08,875
That dream really spun me out.
183
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,250
I can't stop thinking about
how fragile marriages are
184
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:15,041
and how vulnerable they make you feel.
185
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:20,208
The whole thing is making me,
well, blue.
186
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,917
- No!
- Oh, God.
187
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:25,000
When you get blue, you get dark blue.
188
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:28,125
Like, one little notch above suicidal.
189
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:30,500
I mean,
we haven't had to deal with this since
190
00:08:30,583 --> 00:08:34,709
the failing-marriage/first-time-
you-noticed-your-arm-fat crisis of '06.
191
00:08:35,125 --> 00:08:38,917
I have to fight this. I mean,
I meant what I dream-said to Grayson.
192
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,625
I mean,
this is our first week of marriage.
193
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:43,000
I want him to see the best of me.
194
00:08:43,083 --> 00:08:44,792
I don't want him to think
he married some woman
195
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:46,417
with a bunch of junk in the trunk.
196
00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:48,625
I know I have a flat butt,
197
00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:50,709
but I decided that
having junk in the trunk
198
00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,542
should mean
having emotional baggage.
199
00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:53,917
That makes sense.
200
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,208
Change approved.
201
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:01,750
I've been on a real dry spell
with the ladies.
202
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,750
Uh, be honest,
would you have sex with me?
203
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:07,250
Two quick questions.
Uh, in this scenario, am I a girl?
204
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,125
Oh, yeah. A hot one.
205
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:11,125
All right, cool.
206
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:13,959
And by having sex with you,
would I be saving the world?
207
00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:15,917
Oh.
208
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,166
Hey, Week One. Jules is spinning.
209
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,709
It would really help if you could
apologise for what you did in her dream.
210
00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:23,875
No problem.
Should I also bring her flowers,
211
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:26,875
or should I just give her one of those
little ring boxes with my nuts in it?
212
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,917
It's sad that they could fit
in a ring box.
213
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:34,083
Look, if she sinks into
a full-on depression, no one's safe.
214
00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,208
You watch,
215
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:39,458
anyone with oestrogen is gonna be
dragged down into that blue vortex.
216
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:41,875
I would apologise,
but I know how to behave in a dream.
217
00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:44,417
That is even more insane than
what Tom just asked.
218
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,834
Let's say you would be saving the world.
219
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,000
Well, yes, in that case, I would hit that.
220
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:51,125
Yes! Still got it!
221
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:00,500
- Andy?
- Yes.
222
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:03,250
Did you finish the quarterly estimate
on the Pratt file?
223
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,542
Yes, last week.
224
00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:10,333
Oh! Oh, damn it! Oh, excuse me.
225
00:10:14,458 --> 00:10:17,041
I told him I had a family thing
and I'd give him the file in the morning.
226
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:18,166
Worked perfectly.
227
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,875
See, Trav?
First you run,
228
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,083
and then you gather yourself and...
229
00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:24,208
- Are you even listening?
- Definitely not.
230
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,583
Then how'd you know to answer?
231
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,959
Dad, deep down you know that
232
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:31,375
"run from your problems"
is terrible advice.
233
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,750
You've taught me a lot
over the years, okay?
234
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,375
But, in this particular instance,
there's a blind spot.
235
00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:38,834
It's like how you give bites of your food
to the homeless guy, Shark,
236
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,375
and then wonder
why you get sick all the time.
237
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:42,667
Jeez!
238
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,083
You really think there's a correlation?
239
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:45,792
I'm not a doctor, but yes.
240
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,792
Good choice.
241
00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:57,041
90% of the time,
I'm just such a positive person.
242
00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:02,291
But the other 10%, I get super dark.
I mean, huge highs and lows.
243
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:04,583
Oh, so, like a bipolar person.
244
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,917
Exactly. No biggie.
245
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,917
You know,
I was gonna try anti-depressants,
246
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,333
but Tom Cruise says that I can't.
247
00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:14,000
You still make a lot of life decisions
based on what Tom Cruise would do.
248
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:15,417
More than I'd like.
249
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,583
Look, I get wanting your first week
of marriage to be perfect,
250
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:21,583
but you guys have a really strong bond,
you know?
251
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:23,750
Like, remember
when you first started dating Grayson
252
00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:25,166
and you said
you would break up with him
253
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,709
if he ever let himself go
and gained 100 pounds?
254
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:31,041
See, that's not true any more.
255
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:33,709
No, it still is. I mean, 10 pounds, sure.
256
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:36,792
But 100?
Why don't you just spit in my face?
257
00:11:36,875 --> 00:11:40,458
No. What I'm saying is,
keep acting positive,
258
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:44,291
pretend to be happy,
and eventually you probably will be.
259
00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:47,500
I can do that. I'm great at being fake.
260
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,583
Cha-ching.
261
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,667
That's the sound I think
you hear in your head
262
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:53,959
when you realise how screwed up I am.
263
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:57,250
Close. Actually it's more like
a slot machine when it pays out.
264
00:11:57,333 --> 00:12:00,083
Like, "Ching-a-ling-aling.
Ah, money. I'm rich. High-five."
265
00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:08,125
Okay.
Wade is perfect on paper.
266
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:11,417
He's sweet, he's ripped,
267
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,000
he's so black I feel like
268
00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,917
I'm in a sensory deprivation tank
when he's on top of me.
269
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:20,834
But he's gonna be stationed overseas
for a whole 'nother year.
270
00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:24,041
Guys, I just don't know if I can make
this relationship work over the phone.
271
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:29,625
What? Sorry.
Uh, bartender defence mechanism.
272
00:12:29,709 --> 00:12:32,083
Whenever I get really bored,
I just nod and zone out.
273
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,750
I warned you,
Jules' depression is spreading.
274
00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:37,041
We have to do something.
275
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,917
What? Sorry. Wow, happened again.
276
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,041
- Look, I will...
- Whoa!
277
00:12:41,125 --> 00:12:43,417
It happened a third time.
That was a quick one.
278
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:47,291
Look, Jules is fine.
If she wasn't, she'd tell me.
279
00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:49,875
She's not fine. She's miserable.
280
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:53,542
Hey, babe! Why don't we cut out of here
and hit the beach for a while?
281
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,083
Hell yeah.
282
00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,166
Why don't we have
a dance party tonight, huh?
283
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:01,458
When was the last time
we had a dance party?
284
00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,417
Not since never-ever.
285
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,125
Well, that's too long. Bye!
286
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,917
Oh, there's Jerry.
287
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,750
Now, look, instead of running,
you're gonna face the music.
288
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,333
Oh, man, I don't know.
289
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,166
Come on. Confidence dance.
290
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,291
- All right, give me a mirror.
- Whoo!
291
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:17,417
Handsome. All right.
292
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,750
All right.
293
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,458
- How much do you owe him?
- Six bucks.
294
00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:22,166
We split a $12 pizza,
295
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,500
but I ate the whole thing.
296
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:26,333
Actually, Shark and I ate it,
and then I got a nasty head cold.
297
00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:27,625
Hey, Bobby.
298
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:28,834
Jerry!
299
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:30,125
Bobby!
300
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:31,542
Jerry.
301
00:13:31,625 --> 00:13:32,709
Bob.
302
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:36,834
Jules, honey, are you okay?
303
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,959
Enough of this. She's fine.
304
00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:41,250
Just look at her.
305
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:43,291
Any little thing is gonna put her
over the edge.
306
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,375
Oh, come on, girlfriend. Don't be ridick.
307
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:55,166
Oh, God!
308
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,583
Don't tell me Ellie's right.
309
00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:00,750
Jules?
310
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,333
- Hey, J-Bird!
- Hey, Bobby!
311
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:07,083
Amazing that I'm even kind of normal.
312
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,959
Hey. Where were you just now?
313
00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:14,750
I was lying on the floor of the tub, sobbing.
314
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:16,875
You never pee in there, right?
315
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:18,709
No.
316
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,875
I'm sorry
I have so much junk in the trunk.
317
00:14:23,542 --> 00:14:25,000
It means emotional baggage now.
318
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:28,125
No, it doesn't.
I hate it when you all do that.
319
00:14:28,208 --> 00:14:30,375
Look, I get like this
once every blue moon.
320
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:34,291
It's our first week of marriage.
I didn't want you to have to see that.
321
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:35,709
You should never have to see that.
322
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,750
I should get back to work.
323
00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:44,083
It just...
324
00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:47,542
It bums me out that you wouldn't tell me
how you were really feeling.
325
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:51,542
Dagger.
326
00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:57,458
Why would you tell him
about my blues?
327
00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:00,750
You knew I wanted to keep that a secret.
I'm so mad at you.
328
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:04,083
I know. But you'll never catch me.
329
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:05,500
Tom, now.
330
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,041
- Got her.
- What?
331
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:10,458
Hurry. She's really strong. Ow!
332
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:12,959
I just got a text from
one of my golf clients
333
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,792
and I can't make heads or tails out of it.
334
00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:16,417
What does it mean again if it's all caps?
335
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:20,458
He's either really mad or really excited.
336
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:24,542
So it's either,
"What about that golf lesson?"
337
00:15:24,625 --> 00:15:28,625
Or,
"What about that golf lesson?"
338
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,750
I'm rolling the dice and going positive.
339
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:36,250
"I know. It was awesome."
340
00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:40,208
No worries. If he does get mad,
you can always just run away.
341
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,917
Whoo!
342
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,625
Now, that is a rite of passage
for a father,
343
00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:46,709
to hear that disappointment
in his son's voice.
344
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:49,458
Ando, you're with me, right?
345
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:50,667
Ando?
346
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,291
I'm trying it out. Come on!
347
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:55,208
An adult should not hide from
a little conflict.
348
00:15:55,583 --> 00:15:58,041
I'll say it again,
never poo'ed in my own home.
349
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,250
You call yourself a man.
350
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,458
No, I don't.
351
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:05,750
Trav, you don't need me to teach you
the basics of being a man.
352
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,125
But I'm a survivor,
353
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:08,291
and I can teach you some stuff
354
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,917
for those rare occasions when
things aren't going well.
355
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,542
Like how to deal with cops
or how to dodge bill collectors.
356
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,125
Or how to avoid getting your butt kicked
by using your head.
357
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:18,709
You mean, like,
talk your way through it?
358
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:21,542
No, T-Bone. Use your head.
359
00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:25,000
You know, I'm in such a funk.
360
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:26,166
I'm gonna say something
361
00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:29,500
my mom should've said two years ago
this very night,
362
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:31,834
I'm gonna leave before I stab a bitch.
363
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,125
Okay, Jules, I'm so sorry, I...
364
00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:39,417
Just zip it.
365
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,750
You have apologised to me
so many times in our life
366
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,834
that I could do
the whole conversation myself.
367
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,583
"Ellie, I'm so angry at you."
"Sure, sure."
368
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,250
"What were you thinking?" "Sure, sure."
369
00:16:49,583 --> 00:16:51,667
Seems like you're a little stuck on
"Sure, sure."
370
00:16:51,959 --> 00:16:54,125
Then you would have said,
"Neh, neh, neh, neh, neh,"
371
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:56,333
"neh, neh, neh, neh, neh, neh,
neh, neh," which means...
372
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:59,250
You didn't take that improv class
I got you for Christmas, did ya?
373
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:00,625
Which means...
374
00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:03,875
It means
I've always been your protector.
375
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,083
And I only told Grayson
376
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,667
so he would be more sympathetic
to what you were going through.
377
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:10,959
Honey, I'm married now.
378
00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:15,291
I love you so much,
but that's not your job any more.
379
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:17,083
Sure, sure.
380
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:19,250
So, as your punishment,
381
00:17:19,875 --> 00:17:23,458
I'm going to tell you
what Andy did to you the other night.
382
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:39,291
Yeah. Live with it.
383
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,959
I'm so turned on right now.
384
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,458
I'm not in the mood to be laughed at.
385
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Then that haircut was a bad choice.
386
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:56,875
Oh, good,
she still has her adorable edge.
387
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:59,166
I thought you promised that
388
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,417
anyone with oestrogen
was gonna get depressed?
389
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:04,792
What's the point of anything?
390
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:07,333
Jules Cobb is the light of our group.
391
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:10,959
And as she goes, so goes the rest of us.
392
00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:14,041
For many years,
I have been the keeper of that light.
393
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,250
But I now pass the torch to you.
394
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:19,291
I'm only taking this torch
because I love mime.
395
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:30,750
Okay. What are my responsibilities?
396
00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:33,709
You take bullets, you clean up messes,
397
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:37,333
and you do anything to keep her happy,
no matter how insane it feels.
398
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:41,208
You were married to her, man.
399
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:44,333
Did you used to apologise
for what you did in her dreams?
400
00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:46,291
Hell no.
401
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,166
Of course
now I live alone in a parking lot.
402
00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:52,583
Grayson,
did you ever hear the expression,
403
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:54,583
"Happy wife, happy life"?
404
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,917
'Cause I try to live by that.
405
00:18:57,709 --> 00:18:59,500
Well, let's be honest. Andy's my wife.
406
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,291
I'm okay with that.
407
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,792
Jules would die for you, stud.
What are you prepared to do?
408
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:10,625
Well, no, it just sucks
409
00:19:10,709 --> 00:19:12,458
because most of my current feelings
about fatherhood
410
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,542
come from The Road
by Cormac McCarthy.
411
00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:17,709
Oh, stop! Your dad rocks.
412
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:22,333
And, seriously,
is this the kind of smart guy blah-blah
413
00:19:22,417 --> 00:19:26,083
that gets all the college girl panties
piled up next to your futon?
414
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:30,458
I don't put 'em in a pile.
I wear them as headbands, as tributes.
415
00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:34,250
You are such a nerd.
416
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:39,834
Oh, my life is just so
messed up right now.
417
00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,792
Seriously, what is so messed up?
418
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:48,583
Wade. Life. You.
419
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:51,792
Travis, are we ever gonna talk about
420
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:53,792
all that stuff that
you said to me last week?
421
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:57,959
Shoot. Excuse me.
422
00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:03,792
That's my boy!
423
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:20,667
I am so sorry for
how I acted in your dream.
424
00:20:21,417 --> 00:20:24,834
You are the best thing
that has ever happened to me.
425
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:31,583
Horrible!
426
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,000
So, why do we still have to have
a dance party?
427
00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,417
Because they're awesome!
428
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,125
This year
on Cougar Town,
429
00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:15,000
everything changes.
430
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:18,333
Call the hospital.
I'm having this baby now.
431
00:21:18,417 --> 00:21:20,583
And she's not the only one.
432
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:23,333
I can't believe
they all have the same daddy.
433
00:21:23,709 --> 00:21:25,875
Life-changing decisions are made.
434
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:27,542
We have to tell Ellie and Jules.
435
00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:28,875
If I hold this secret in any longer,
I'm...
436
00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:29,792
Shh.
437
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,041
Three-time Oscar nominee
Michelle Williams
438
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:38,166
joins the cast as Laurie's foster sister.
439
00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:40,917
Cupcakes. What, what.
440
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:43,125
What, what.
441
00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:46,041
No, slut. What, what.
442
00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:48,291
{\an8}You really get me.
443
00:21:49,959 --> 00:21:52,083
{\an8}Secrets are revealed.
444
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,417
{\an8}I've got to go to work,
and my car is broken.
445
00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:01,834
{\an8}And we say goodbye to
a regular character.
446
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:03,750
{\an8}Back in a jiff.
447
00:22:06,208 --> 00:22:07,208
{\an8}- Yay!
- Yeah!
448
00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:08,375
{\an8}- Come on.
- Cheers.
449
00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:11,333
{\an8}Or not. We haven't decided.
But please still watch.
33695
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