Original subtitles

Three thousand years ago, give or take a few centuries, a couple of pagan

priests, a few witches, and a very horny oracle

decided to solve the sexual problems of mankind.

Their solution was a magical talisman, which, when worn round the neck,

rendered the owner irresistible.

Naturally, it worked beautifully.

And several of the more enterprising priests were considering mass

When, as magic things will do,

the damn thing disappeared.

Actually, there was still quite a few problems with the talisman that hadn't

been worked out.

For one thing, it only worked once for each owner.

For another, it had to be immediately passed on as soon as it's

worked its erotic spell, which made it the world's first and only

chain -letter aphrodisiac.

Over the centuries, the talisman reappeared, having acquired yet another

trait, if you didn't treat it with proper respect.

You could also get bad luck.

In short, who gets your charm and takes your chances.

Abby, dear, what are you up to?

Oh, the 15th canto of Pleasures of the Isles of Lesbos by Sappho.

No, dear, it's not a detergent.

She was Greek.

Yes. Oh, how are you, love? How was your date with George?

Poor George.

He was so exciting I actually fell asleep on him last night.

Yes, really.

Are you kidding?

From nine o 'clock on, the evening was a total blank.

No, I don't know who it belongs to.

No, I don't even know where I picked it up.

Listen, honey, I may have been at three parties before I even got home last

night. Well, listen, I mean, a few thousand scotches might have

really, not a romantic lover.

Well, listen, neither was the one you sent me before.

Oh, look, Abby, I'm not blaming you. Come on. In fact, I have a present for

You do?

Well, how very nice. What is it? And where'd you get it?

Well, I'm afraid I can't answer those two questions, even though I'm looking

it. Whatever are you talking about?

Come on, you know, babe, it's the same old problem. I mean, I don't know what's

with me anymore.

I mean, I went to the Andersons, I got bombed, and... Well, I found this really

great necklace in my purse this morning.

Well, you'll have to return it, dear.

Are you kidding?

My park on even was a total blank.

Oh, come on, darling, I have no idea who it belongs to.

Or where I even picked it up.

Oh, Dee, Dee, Dee, Deedle.

What in the world is the sense of having a good time if you can't remember it?

What the fuck do you want? I mean, Jesus Christ.

You know, if I wasn't so bored, I wouldn't drink so much, baby.

Every day is just a Xerox of yesterday.

You know what the last exciting thing that happened to me was?

I tried to seduce my doctor and he accepted, okay?

I mean, at least he was different.

Look, babe, I'm going to deliver this find of mine to you this afternoon,

I really think you'll enjoy it.

Miss Blake?

Oh, look, one of my gardeners wants me. I've got to go.

All right, dear.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Yes, Tony.

Yeah, Miss Blake, we're getting mighty thirsty down there, and I was wondering

if maybe we could, you know, get something to drink.

Sure.

Try the hoses.

No. You know, I was thinking...

More along the lines of something like you're drinking in one of those tall

glasses. You know, it'd be more appropriate.

You know what I mean, Jelly Bean?

What the fuck are you... Get the hell off this balcony!

Oh, I'm planning on getting off, lady.

Now maybe you can give me a little help.

What the hell are you talking about?

Lady, it's obvious as hell that you're bored shitless.

And since I am too, uh...

Maybe we could both, you know, solve our mutual problem.

Sure,

Tony.

Cool off, fucker.

Come along.

Yes, you.

Yeah, you.

Hey, who goes first on this, man? I do, amigo.

I'm founder first, and I'm going to fuck her first.

Hey,

what are you... Bullshit on you, man. It doesn't make you no man. Come on, come

on. Don't you ever do that. Lock it off.

Listen, why don't we do scissors, papers... Fuck all of you. I mean, I'm

going to call the police, okay? My neighbors, they'll call the police for

Listen, you fucking bitch.

If you weren't a scream, you would have screamed out there when we were chasing

you around the pool. Now you just shut up.

Yeah, man, let's... I hate you!

Okay, go. Shut up. Okay, one, two, three. I win. I win. Paper covers rock.

Bullfuckin' rock and make scissors.

Come on. Do it one more time.

One, two, three.

What the fuck? Get out of here.

Look, we'll just all fuck her, okay?

Fuck her.

Okay, I get dibs on her booty.

I'm a mouth man myself.

Make sure this bitch doesn't bite it off, bully boy.

I'm going to.

Hold on to her, Nico.

Hold on to her.

Okay. All right, bitch. You're going to do this. You're going to like it. You

understand? No. Yes, you are. No. You're going to get fucked.

No. Shut up.

I'll rub my cock all over your face, all over your lips, all over your chin.

Oh, my God, that's right. Oh,

my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, look at him.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, Billy, she's all yours.

All yours.

You can't get enough.

Oh, there it is.

Take it, take it, take it.

Lady, you sure changed your tune.

What do you expect? It was good.

Man, I never was so scared in all my life.

Scared? What were you scared of, Jose?

Oh, man, the police. Going to jail.

Going to jail? What do you think about... I mean, did you think I was

Or did you think about that?

I don't know.

Yeah, me too.

I was scared.

You know, when I first looked at you, I was thinking of the consequences, but I

just decided I was going to take you no matter what.

Oh, I'm sure glad.

Me too.

Hey, listen, babe.

Mm -hmm?

How many days a week do you guys come? I mean, the three of you?

Once a week. It's only a day's work.

Really? Only once a week? Yeah.

Would you consider four days a week?

So price is right.

Well, listen, I mean, I like weekends especially, and I might give you double

time on that. Okay.

Please? Si.

Why not?

This guy go back to Mexico for 50 bucks.

o 'clock means two o 'clock and where are your french books fuck french

what did you say lisa i said our french books are at school and then i said fuck

french but you never know maybe i'll meet some great frenchman and charm the

pants off of him by saying something great in french well those books are

dreadful anyway i wonder if we have something here in french hey lisa Why

you see if you can find French someplace?

Is anyone aware of what a genuine pair of little shits you two are?

Of course.

Everybody is.

That's why they pay everyone to put up with this.

Well, that's not why they pay me. They pay me to try and instill a little

culture into you two ingrates.

Well, we're short on culture here.

Long on money, but short on culture.

Enough of this. Go and get your notes.

No way.

We left them with our books.

Besides... The pennies on the table is hardly culture.

Oh, forget it, Kelly.

She doesn't think we can handle any culture.

Yeah, she probably can't teach a thing without her precious textbooks.

Besides, Lisa here, she can translate anything.

What's the matter, Teach?

Afraid of our literary taste?

All right, damn it, go and pick out a book.

Lisa, go and get the book.

Story about who, no doubt?

No. As a matter of fact, it's Le Salt Gentil, The Gentle Rape.

This is the tale of a boy who lusted after his aunt.

And what came of this explicit passion?

Illicit passion.

Come on, teach. Let her read.

What's the matter?

Can't you handle it?

The boy lived with his aunt in the country.

Each day he would watch her and dream of seducing her.

He would imagine what it would be like to undress her, to fondle her breasts,

to kiss her lips and neck.

And his lovely aunt filled his every thought, and soon he thought he would go

mad if he could not have her.

Hard to try, then.

But he knew it was hopeless.

The difference in their ages and their relationship made it an impossible

situation. The boy's frustration grew, and his erotic fantasies began to turn

rape.

That's enough, I think, Lisa.

Let's get out.

Come on, T. It's just getting interesting.

But the boy knew that violence would only bring trouble.

Thus he decided that if he must force her, and he felt it was the only way, he

must somehow do it gently.

the iron fist and the silken glove.

So when he approached her, it was silently. He did not say a word. He

used his strength to slowly force her to his will.

With one hand, he held her arms behind her, and with his other hand, he turned

her face toward his and violated her mouth.

Oh, I like that line.

Violated her mouth.

I'd like to violate your mouth, Frenchie.

That's it, Cal.

Violate her mouth.

Come

on,

Titch. We give you a French lesson.

Oh,

no. Stop it.

Oh, oh, no, slow, slow, slow, slowly, slowly.

That's it.

Oh, all the way in, all the way in. Oh, Lisa, Lisa,

put your weight on his ass. Put your weight on his ass. Push him in all the

all the way, all the way in. Now, don't get in a hurry. Not too fast, not too

fast. That's it. Oh,

that's good.

Now, up a little so I can get the ridge.

Get my ridge right across.

Don't go too fast. Sam.

Lisa. Lisa, sweetheart.

Reach in there and see if you can find my clit.

Uh -huh.

You do know where to look, don't you? That's it. Now, massage it gently.

Oh, very good. Very good.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Lisa.

Come here.

Come here, come up.

But we have your sweet lips.

We have those sweet lips. We have our sweet lips.

Can you reach my clips from there?

Can you reach it?

Yes.

Just a little bit there.

Now, yes.

Now you can go as fast as you want to.

Now you can let it go.

I'm there. I'm right on the edge.

Yes, yes.

Yes, there.

Ah, there it goes.

uh uh

Well, it may not be culture, but I think I'm finally getting into the grammar.

Grammar?

Sure. I came.

You came. We all came.

Laura, I have one more inner office memo for you, and then we'll be finished.

To the immediate working staff present.

Resolved. That in as much as it's a weekend and my wife is out of town,

I propose the following motion.

That we commence in lovemaking immediately.

All in favor, say aye.

Motion carried, boss.

One tiny amendment.

What's that?

It's been a long day, and I need to freshen up.

So what do you propose to do about it?

So I propose to use your posh executive bathroom to take a bath.

Well, hurry up. Remember, I have the press coming here at 5 o 'clock, and I

cannot be late.

I'll be back soon.

Have you ever made it on a bidet before?

Only the night.

Very funny.

Here, just put your leg... You're not even supposed to be in here.

Where's that famous cool all politicians are supposed to have?

On the floor of the Senate, I'm known as old poker face.

On the floor of my bathroom, I'm known as old poker in the face.

Is that you in the bathroom?

My wife.

I can just see myself now holding hands with Richard Nixon in exile.

It's a hell of a time to take a bath.

under the water. There's enough bubbles where you'll be hidden. Your nose will

be out under the water. I'll take care of everything. Don't worry.

Oh, uh, Miss Webster, I was looking for my husband.

Oh, uh, uh, he and Senator Friedman, uh, yeah, they left about, uh, 30 minutes

ago. They said something about, uh, caucus at the Biltmore.

Anyway, it's been such a long day, I thought I'd take a bath.

Yes, that is very relaxing.

The senator would be surprised to see you.

He said something about you going out of town?

Oh, yes, I was, but something came up all of a sudden.

It sure did.

What'd you say?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

If you don't mind, my bubbles are going to disappear, and I really would like to

take my bath.

The senator, he has a press

conference at 5. He should be back by then.

Well, I'll see him then.

Have a nice weekend, Miss Webster.

Christ, that was close.

Why'd you have to keep your heart on?

It's just a good thing I saw it before she did.

Could have said it belonged to somebody else.

Hey, if you think you're going to get me off like this, forget it.

I have to tell you something, Laura.

Getting that close to being discovered...

It was a tremendous turn -on. I mean, don't ask me to explain it. It just was.

Listen, I've got something in the office that will get us

both feeling high. I mean, it'll keep the high going, you know?

Just bawling in the bathtub is an anti -climax, Lon.

Right.

Right. I admit it. It's true.

But what I've got in the office will make us both go through the ceiling.

And what's so special in here?

I've been saving these for a special celebration.

Today, we're going to reach a new plateau in lovemaking.

You and your sexy garters and stockings.

And you and that silly thing around your neck.

It's not even a decent chain.

My favorite aunt gave me it.

She said it would bring me luck.

God knows I'm going to need all the luck I can get with the election coming up

this year.

Well, I think it looks absurd.

Take it off.

Maybe you're right.

Anyway, I'll make my own luck.

Naked, I entered the world.

And naked, I shall enter you.

Oh.

And there is this little beauty.

Well, actually, it's a new model for a space shuttle they'll be sending lady

astronauts up in next year.

The boys at NASA think of everything, don't they?

Hmm.

Well, my dear.

All right.

If he likes you, I can tell.

Oh no!

Has an environmental impact report been made on all this, Senator?

I don't know about the environment, sweetheart, but the impact's gonna

your teeth.

Senator, it's time for your pre - conference.

Coach Davis, what can I do for you?

Oh, hello, Irene.

No, I haven't opened it yet. I have to lock up the gym first.

No, dear, I haven't forgotten about dinner tonight.

I have to go now, Irene.

No, I won't forget.

8 .30, yes.

Goodbye, Irene.

Fuck, Irene.

This is too much like work.

You're a fanatic, Chrissy.

Oh, Susan, you promised.

You know what Coach Davis said.

Sure, with a little work we can make the team.

Well, I think it's just bullshit.

Why do you think he lets us stay in so late?

And why all the extra help?

play up to him? He'd do anything you wanted.

I don't even think he notices me.

Don't think he notices you? I know he has.

Just ten more minutes, coach, please.

All right, ten more minutes. I'll lock up. Oh, please, coachy -poo.

Oh, shut up, bitch.

Yeah, well, I'm wise to the rise in his Levi's. He did look cute, though.

He's not cute.

Party boys are cute.

Who cares what you call it?

Face it, love.

You just like him to fuck you blind.

Like you'd fight him off?

You know I wouldn't.

You know, Chrissy, maybe we're going at this all wrong.

Got any other ideas, genius?

Well, have you ever heard of divide and conquer?

Well, aren't you the dedicated ones?

I've had it with dedication.

I need a shower.

Oh, I just can't seem to loosen up.

Everything I've done today seems to be too stiff.

Ouch. Oh, I got a cramp.

A little higher.

A little higher.

Yeah, that's it, I think.

Not that high.

Well, why don't we just get to the source of the problem?

So wet.

I feel so sick.

I do feel sick.

Then you can get me.

Bye, big boy.

Where's she going? Here.

No, no, no.

Oh.

He can't stay on, but he wants to get it on.

Hey, Jesus Christ.

I think they're all rubbing against anything.

I think they're playing games with the coach.

surprise.

Oh. Oh.

I never thought anything like this would ever happen.

Well, silly, it wouldn't have taken so long if you hadn't waited so long to

your moves.

Great moves, though.

When's the next class, Coach?

Yeah. Yeah.

Can't wait.

Where the fuck did that go?

Ah, shit, I'll find it tomorrow.

Come on, Shelly. It's a big goddamn deal.

I told you, Casey.

You just don't feel like it.

Oh, I said to stop.

Casey, do you have to be so goddamn crude?

Casey! Ah, shit!

The fuck was that?

What's so goddamn funny?

You are. You and this silly -ass car of yours.

I used to think it was cute.

Yeah, well, I used to be in high school, too.

What in the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Listen, it's getting late. It's getting dark. I have an early class in the

morning. Why don't we just go home? Bullshit! I wonder what you meant by

high school crap.

Oh, come on, Casey. Do we have to go through all that again?

Damn straight we do. Since when are you the big sophisticated anyway?

I mean, what gives you the right to put me down all the time?

Listen. I wasn't trying to put you down. I just meant that you'd just be a

little more mature.

Mature, my ass!

The truth is, is you don't think I'm good enough for you.

You're horny for one of those fraternity assholes.

Oh, come on now. You really are impossible.

Great. First I'm immature, and now I'm impossible.

Okay. You want mature?

All right.

I'll give you mature.

Oh, oh.

Ouch.

This is kind of a cute car.

Yes, in a way, the whole thing started a month ago when I found this pendant in

the gym.

It is beautiful, don't you think?

Yes, I've never seen anything like it.

Anyway, that was just before Dad asked me into the company for the summer.

Then just two weeks later, old man Caldwell decided to let me handle his

account.

Biggest account the company ever had.

Champagne? Oh, yes, thank you.

But why you?

He said he liked my taste in jewelry.

Said he had a strong intuition about me.

Oh, what kind of product is it?

Are you ready for this?

He's putting out a whole new line of men's cosmetics.

Cosmetics? You mean toiletries, don't you?

No, cosmetics.

You know, overnight tanning lotion, hair products, tooth brightener, that sort

of stuff.

Well, aren't you scared?

I mean...

How are you going to handle a whole advertising campaign by yourself?

No problem.

First of all, I've got a great idea for a logo.

Oh, that is a good idea.

Yeah, I know.

I've got another great idea, too.

Noticed.

We're going to call the line Machismo.

And then we're going to have to find just the right girl to be our macho

Macho maid? You've got to be kidding.

I can hear it now.

Brush your teeth with machismo for that all -day macho smile.

Not quite, no.

The commercials will be tongue -in -cheek, kind of satirical.

Actually, whoever gets the job is going to have it made.

How so?

Well, you figure it. First of all, she's going to get an exclusive three -year

contract. Secondly, she'll get the greatest exposure in the world.

Commercials, talk shows, magazines, the works.

See what you mean.

And thirdly, she'll get a hell of a lot of money.

After all that exposure for three years, she'll have it made.

Probably end up with a movie contract or her own television series.

Uh, Casey?

Hmm?

Do you have anyone special in mind for this?

Well, it would have to be someone who was pretty, uh, mature.

Casey, you sneaky son of a bitch. And sexy.

That'd be very sexy.

You know, the kind of girl that no guy could resist.

I repeat, you sneaky son of a bitch.

Hallelujah, hallelujah.

Hallelujah, hallelujah.

Hallelujah,

hallelujah.