Original subtitles

Oh, for God's sake.

Ah!

I was just taking a midnight stroll when I saw what looked like a magical owl

fly by, and look at that.

It's right here, and it's carrying a letter.

What does it say?

It says I've been admitted to Hogwarts School of Wizardry. The gypsy was right.

I am special.

And here I was, thinking you were just a gullible idiot.

When do you start?

I better start packing.

Who deserves a milk, Dad?

You do.

Well, here we are. This is Hogwarts, the American campus.

I know it doesn't look like much, but... Oh, you muggles.

Clearly there is a spell at work here hiding the true appearance of the

You wouldn't understand how these things work.

Why don't you go bang on the door real hard, let them know you're here.

Well... Have fun with your regular boring life, Roger.

I've got magic to learn.

Okay, Steve. How special are you going to feel when some crack whore throws you

off her porch?

You the new kid?

Yes, sir.

The owl brought me my official letter of admission.

Shut up. Get your ass in here.

Oh, you're so strict.

You'll probably turn out to be a good guy.

Huh.

Is he fighting invisible dementors?

Shut up.

Potions class.

Did you get all this stuff from Professor Snape? You do not freaking ask

got this from.

He who shall not be named.

This is happy. He knows what to do. My potions partner.

You're my Ron Weasley. Lavate las manos.

Is that a spell?

Lavate las manos.

Lavate las manos.

Lavate las manos.

Lavate las manos.

Lavate las manos.

Lavate las manos.

They're a freaking pineapple embargo or what?

Oh, hey, you're alive and probably pretty pissed.

The hell is that?

It's $2 ,000 my professor gave me for doing a good job in potions class.

Two grand.

$2 ,000.

$2 ,000.

Yeah. You can have it if you want. It's muggle money.

So now, why would I be pissed?

You would be pissed if I forgot to give you this magic wand.

Wow, it's so light.

I can't tell if I'm leading it or it's leading me.

Oh, is that another one?

No, that's a chopstick.

Hello, sharper image?

Yeah, give me three Sopranos pinball machines, the radio golf ball, a

ant farm, a flashlight hammer to smash the ants with if they piss me off.

I'm, uh... I'm gonna call right back.

What the hell is that?

Oh, I wanted to practice potions at home, so I borrowed some supplies.

Oh, my God, what did you do?

Professor Icepick won't mind. It's like I'm doing extra credit.

Do they know where you live?

Do they know where they live?

Hey, look who's here.

Professor!

We can't let them know we're home. Why not?

Because they're Death Eaters.

Oh, disguised as teachers from the school.

Oh, God,

I pooed. Oculus Reparo.

You! You put him up to this!

I'll save you, Roger.

You want some too?

I got plenty for everybody.

FTV is safe.

What? My spells defeated the Death Eaters. I am awesome!

That's right. Which is why I'm going to show you how to make a really cool

potion in this bathtub.

Yay! What do we need?

Some sulfuric acid and a hacksaw.