Original subtitles

$124 a minute.

Thank you.

I fucking ain't going anywhere, so think.

Yes. Oh, no, no, no, no smoking is happening here in the room.

Right, right, no, the smoke detector went off.

Yeah, I had to e -remove it myself. I don't know, maybe it was just the

from the hot shower that I was taking.

No, no, I understand. Yeah, I understand. I'm fine with that.

Right, right, no, well, you know, I may have a little bit of smoke on me from

smoking outside in the detonated smoking section, definitely not indoors.

Right, yeah, I'm aware.

Okay, yeah, no, yeah, I just blew out of breath because it kind of spooked me,

but no need for concern.

Uh, yeah.

No, everything's good, thank you.

Um, I would maybe, uh, like to order some room service, if that's possible.

Cool.

Okay, do you happen to have anything, uh, romantic by chance?

Oh, chocolate -covered strawberries. Yeah, I'll get an order of that.

And do you have anything to accommodate it with?

Champagne?

Good. How much is the two of those?

$429. Okay.

Do you guys have like a house champagne or something more on the cheaper side?

$20? That's more my style, yes.

Cool. That sounds great. Thank you.

No, and of course, no smoking.

Yeah, I know. Thank you.

All right.

Is that fucking soap that Wendy buys?

Columbia Cloud?

It smells like baby powder.

What is she going to think? That I baby powdered my balls? What kind of asshole

puts baby powder on his balls?

Cologne.

Wendy gifted this pheromone cologne to me on Christmas.

She'll be happy I'm actually using it.

Not so happy if she knew I was using it for another woman.

Fuck!

Okay,

all right, back to normal.

Oh, man.

I think I got a sex plan to write. It'll be kind of TMZ -ish.

Hey Kenzie, thank you so much for coming over.

You look amazing.

You always do.

Spectacular.

I got you these.

I knew they were your favorite.

Peonies. Yeah.

You're so funny.

You're hilarious.

You should, like, go out on the road with that. You write that overnight or

something?

And you have, like, the most incredible smile.

You're beautiful. You're so radiant.

It's really amazing.

Can I kiss you?

Will you be good?

One second!

I'll be there in a second!

One second!

Hold on!

Yeah, of course. Come on in.

Whoa.

Are we getting right to it, are we?

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. Funny story.

What's that smell?

That is the cologne.

See, I can totally explain that it's a funny story.

What were you doing with cologne near your pants?

No, no, no, it's totally funny. See, I wasn't putting cologne anywhere near my

private parts or anything. I was putting cologne on, and then it slipped out of

my hand, and the thing didn't have a cap on it, and then it just spilled all

over the place, so I had to take off the pants, and I didn't have any other

pants, so that explains everything.

But it's all weird.

Are those for me?

Yeah, of course.

But, you know, I can't take these home.

Oh my God, right.

Of course. It's stupid. I didn't even think about that.

Right.

I understand.

I told Michael that I was going into the city to work.

It's funny. I told my wife the same thing.

Are you okay?

Breathing.

Wait, wait, yeah, yeah, we can shut all these.

Sorry, I had just a clump smell that's so strong and I didn't want it to be

overpowering. Don't produce.

I know.

How about windows closed? I can turn on the heat for you, warm it up a little

bit.

Yeah, okay.

Be warm in here.

You can come over here and I can warm you up.

No, thanks. I'm fine here for right now.

Okay. Well, you know, I'm really glad to see you outside of the office.

Yeah, you look so much more handsome without the office fluorescent lighting.

Thank you. You look beautiful in any lighting.

I'm just so happy that you're here without it.

cubicle wall separating us.

You good?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I know we came here to be alone.

You good?

I can still kind of feel like there's a wall between us.

I can't really put it into words.

I just feel kind of tense.

I got a surprise for you.

Come in!

Thank you.

Oh. What? Excuse me.

Oh, no, no, no. It's not what you think. I spoke colonial in my pants and...

Perfect. Do you happen to have a dry cleaning service at the hotel?

Of course.

Great. Well, they're in the bathroom. Maybe you could collect them and take

in? I know they're sopping wet, but it's fine.

Okay.

Perfect.

Thank you.

Yeah, so the only thing, I guess, is just the pants in the bathroom?

Of course.

Right.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Okay, there you go.

Thank you. Yeah, of course.

Thank you very much.

Have a nice night.

Yeah, you too. Thank you.

the way that woman looked at me?

What are you talking about?

Oh, no, it's just because I forgot to tip her. I just have a lot on my mind. I

can see why she looked at us funny.

No, she looked at me like I was some hooker.

What? No one would think that you're a prostitute.

That's impossible.

Look how beautiful you are.

Well, she was definitely looking down on me.

Judging me.

No, come on.

She must know I'm here to cheat.

That's not true. I think that's all in your head.

That's not at all what she was looking at us for.

I had no pants on.

It was awkward.

I feel like she was shaming me.

All the women at the front desk saw me go into that elevator.

They know why I'm here.

And this dress, it's too much. I shouldn't have worn it.

What?

No, no, no. Come here, come here, come here. Please.

Look, you look... Look, you look beautiful.

This is classy.

Not only are you amazingly beautiful, you're smart, you carry yourself like a

strong woman.

No one would ever think that.

I still feel like she was shaming me.

Come on.

No, I think she just looked at us because I forgot to give her a tip.

just being a little paranoid.

Oh, I'm being paranoid?

No, that's not at all what I meant. I meant to...

You're just maybe being a little emotional.

Oh, emotional?

Right. It must be my female hysteria getting the better of my judgment again,

right? It must be my inferior female brain.

No, that's not at all what I'm saying. Look at me. I'm trying to tell you the

truth. I think you're the most passionate, most beautiful woman around.

never think that about you.

Alright, don't even try to verbalize that and try to put it into your head

I would even think that. That's not the case.

I think, uh, how about some champagne?

Calm us down a little bit.

The chocolate looks amazing.

I'm sure you like this one.

I'm actually lactose intolerant. You're lactose intolerant?

Yeah. Oh, we could order something else if you want.

Anything you want, seriously.

How about like a gin and tonic?

Or white wine? Water? Anything.

Anything you want.

No, thank you.

My husband can smell alcohol on me, not just on my breath, but like...

Radiate from my skin, so... Really?

Well... Wendy doesn't even get close enough to me to even smell my breath.

Let alone... On me.

Wendy.

She seems nice. I, uh... Had a polite conversation with her at the holiday

party. Yeah, well, let me tell you.

She's not what you think she is.

You don't know her like I know her.

That's true, but...

You would never leave her. Why do you?

Would you leave your husband?

Don't you feel guilty?

Just like a smidgen?

No, not really.

Look, what Wendy doesn't know won't hurt her.

So, you would care if she knew?

Look, I don't want to hurt her.

Just like I'm sure you don't want to hurt your husband.

But me and her, we've grown to be different people.

She's not into sex anymore.

And I don't think it's really, I think it's just me.

Like for my birthday, for instance, we always have wild, hot sex.

And my birthday this year, she just took an edible and passed it on in front of

the TV.

We don't have the same spark and passion that we used to.

Hmm.

What about your husband?

Michael, his sex drive is intact.

I mean, he's... What exactly are you asking me?

You're not getting cold feet, are you?

No.

Yes.

I don't know.

I know I made the choice to come here, but it's just not what I pictured.

Right, no, I totally get it. Look, I should have brought another pair of

I'm so stupid. I just wanted this night to be perfect for you.

It's fine.

Accidents happen.

There's a mall down the street. Maybe we can go and buy you another pair of

pants. And I want to get out of this room.

There's a bowling alley down the street, and maybe we can get something to eat

after. No, I can't do that.

We can't do that.

You know, my wife is an older woman and she's running for re -election and so

many people know her that someone would see us out and would blow our cover.

We can't have that.

Sorry. I just wanted this night to be perfect for you.

It was good.

All I got.

Seriously. I can brush my teeth. Lactose intolerant.

I'm so, so sorry.

Don't bother, please.

Wait, do you want to leave?

Wait, we could call this off if you want.

I'm really, really sorry. I just wanted this to be perfect for you.

Something that's true.

What about the first time you kissed?

Clyde's closet.

You know, that was the most exciting moment in my life.

Stop it.

It's true.

The way you pressed your body up against mine.

I know you could tell how fast my heart was beating.

I've never been with a woman like you before.

The way you look at me, you look right through me.

You're exactly what I wanted.

Well, I took the spare key from Mr. Miller's desk when nobody was paying

attention.

So we can use the closet whenever we want.

Had I known that, I would have done a lot more than kiss you.

Is this night baby?

How could I resist you?

So wrong.

Sorry.

My husband can't

I'm feeling like I could have slept in again today.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my

God.

Bet your wife doesn't do it like this, does she?

My vagina is so buggy.

Oh my god, that's so good.

You're amazing. Can you kiss me?

I'll do everything when he doesn't.

Can you stroke it better than your wife?

It's pretty natural.

This little hole is gushing.

Give me more.

Give me more.

that shaft throb inside of me.

and finger fuck me.

Fuck me harder. More fingers.

Give me more. Give me more. Please.

Please. Please.

More fingers.

Put that ring finger in me.

Yes.

Are you thinking about your wife?

Think about your wife when you fuck me.

Oh.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Can I go home to my husband with your cum dripping out of me?

come back at me.

Where is it?

Who's that?

Um, it's Wendy.

She just wanted to make sure I got to the hotel right.

I'll call her later.

She seems nice.

Yeah, she is.

It might be hard on her if you were to ever leave her.

Huh.

Well, you know, you wouldn't leave your husband.

Well, I might have to if we continue like this.

You mean you leave your husband for me?

Yeah, it's not in me to cheat.

I mean, you feel the same way, right?

I just thought what

we had was...

Like, so strong that we would end up together eventually.

Yeah, right. You know, I just, uh... Right? I got, like, I got kids and

Oh.

What?

Like, what we have here, like, we're just having fun, right?

Is that all this is to you?

Fun?

No, not at all. I'm just saying that, you know, I can't have the same fun with

my wife. You know, when we got together, I was really young, and she was, like,

middle of the road, and now, like, she's old, and I'm, like, still pretty young,

and things just don't work out. And you are just amazing.

She still looks great, though.

Yeah, but you are just perfect right now.

Are you saying next year I'll be less than perfect each year? Each year? No,

baby, that's not what I'm saying. Come here, come here, come here.

You're just being, like, emotional right now.

Let me, here, I got an idea. Let me think of something really nice I could

you.

Like, something that would boost your feelings.

I think we made a mistake.

Oh, what a beautiful mistake it was.

I think you're making the mistake.

Come on. I made a mistake, a terrible mistake.

Come on. Just get back into bed, Kenzie.

You know, he will never be a fraction of the man that my husband is.

See, now you're just trying to be hurtful only because of some insecurity

you have going on in you. Look, your marriage couldn't be that great if you

here with me.

Yeah, you're right.

Let's be civil.

Let's pretend this never happened.

Mr. Miller on Monday to move my cubicle. We shouldn't be working together

anymore. Take care.

Come on.

I think you're overreacting. I just...

Do you like that?

Do you like that? Is that feel good?

Can I get it?

You can come over here and that can warm you up.

Let me just say, as a public announcement for people who shave their

really hope in that moment that you do shave your asshole, you don't believe in

God, because...

The feeling of you thinking about a third party looking at you in a position

which you have to put yourself in to shave your ass is very embarrassing.

So when I do do those, I've done those, I really hope there is no such thing as

an afterlife.

No one is looking down on me in that moment.

Nobody's judging you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it looks like a whole acrobatic

situation just for me to get back there.

I pray to God and then I immediately pretend he doesn't exist.

Get it!

Take it!

It's the same tomorrow.

With your hand.

this back to front.

I'm going to give you a yeast infection.

Your feet are freezing.

I know, it's chilly in here.

I'm trying to think of like a warmth for Ami. There you go.

I'll ask Mr. Miller to move my cubicle on Monday.

We shouldn't be working together.

Okay.